I have been afraid more times in my life than a normal person should be. I have been facing death and uncertainty for many years, but never have I felt closer to death than this past month. I went through chronic renal failure 5 times in less than 7 weeks and I had nothing holding me up. People who I thought were my friends felt betrayed and abandoned by me and yet there was nothing I could do as my health continued spiraling out of control. From the constant renal failures, I developed hypothermia and have been freezing cold ever since. Once that started a severe blood infection developed in my heart that spread from my port in my shoulder. Which blossomed into a full UTI which triggered seizures, low heart rate, and constant black outs. For a month I remained in Intensive care and until today thought I would never see the outside world again.
This morning my doctor informed me that I was finally cleared to move to out of intensive care and go to a recovery floor. If progress continues as it has this weekend I will be able to leave Tuesday morning and for the first time in my life I am happy to say that I am relieved to be alive. I was afraid that I wouldn't be there for my parents who are both going through their own series of health issues and as they have been my rock throughout the many years of my illness I would like to be able to return the favor to them. As for those that I thought would always be my friends I am not sure exactly why there is such bad blood between us because I it really wasn't my decision to get seriously ill when I did or for how long as I was.
What my main fault is that I constantly want to believe the best in people. To believe that they are honest and just and I take them at their word. I should know better with some. I have given them chance after chance and they still screw up. They continue to beat on me, put me down and expect me to pull their ass out of the fire every single time they screw up. People never tell you their full intentions and they always have other motivations that are eventually revealed. I need to learn to harden myself against this misinformation and know that past behavior is a clear indicator of what the future may hold. I have to stop putting everyone before myself and learn that saying NO and sticking too it is okay.
My heart is heavy because even now as we speak many things have come to pass that have hindered my forward progress in both my physical and mental health. The last bit was the fact that my ex who wanted to get married and swears that he loves me with his whole being and wants to do the right thing and go to rehab, and get married is just telling me what he think I want to hear because he doesn't want to go to prison. But, I have come too realize that even though he has told me these words it is only because he is in Jail and that is the sad truth. He is not going to change and he is never going to love me the same way that I love him, and everything that I have done, I have done out of love and concern for his welfare.
If only he would be truthful and honest with me, tell me what is actually on his mind because here is the thing. I have lost everything repeatedly because of him and the night he was arrested he hit me so hard that I ended up having a concussion and yet he is telling me that he didn't mean it that it was an accident. But to have hit me 22 times in complete succession may have helped trigger this bout of bad health that I just came a through and might have caused some of the problems that I am continuing to experience. I am sad and a little frightened because he is possibly getting out of jail in the next couple of weeks and then my safety is once again on the line.
Life is an uncertain road and filled with many obstacles and issues. You shouldn't have to deal with abuse on top of it. If you are being battered or abused then the only suggestion I can give you is to run and run far and fast because they don't change. If they hit you once they will continue to do so, I believe it is an illness and they need help and so do you. I know one thing I can't go back to the situation I was in before I came to the hospital because I may not survive the next encounter with him.
Please understand that you are worth something and important to others in this world. You deserve to be treated with love, and respect and if they feel it necessary to get their point across by using their hands or force on you it really isn't worth it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Everything you said but didn't really mean
You have walked away and left me after 4 long years. You made some promises and said a lot of things but in the end you never meant any one of them. You said you loved me, but you left and didn't come back, I came for you and you wouldn't come. Then you blamed me and said things that were hard and untrue. You tried to turn this around on me, but the truth of the matter is that you never really cared. If you did you would be here. You wouldn't have said the thing you did to others. You had me convinced that I was the problem, yet over the last 2 years the violence has increased instead of walking away you would rather hit me, spit on me and say unkind words. This is not love, this is not something that one should have to endure. Yet, despite it all I have been there for you, sheltered you and still tried to make things work.
Do you get a sense of satisfaction hurting me and using me. Telling people that I am nasty and that you can't stand to be around me. But when you are in trouble or in a bind I am the one that you come and find. I have remained constant and faithful doing what I could to show that I care, yet you are not here your still there. I am going through so much and you don't even care. You don't call or write, I only hear from you when you need something or want something from me. That is not fair.
My mind is in disarray, my emotions are scattered. My nights are sleepless and I am very restless. Yet still my heart is hurting because I have a love for you. Despite all that you have done to me and against me I am still here. But that my dear one is about to come to an end. I am torn you have accused me of talking to others behind your back which isn't true. Many have reached out and talked to me about the things that you are doing. It breaks my heart to think that you would be so cruel but the words that I have heard you have thrown in my face before so they can't be anything but true. I find that it has been you that has spoken to others about me and made me seem a monster.
I am finding out that I have been scared to leave because I have been afraid of being alone, but it seems so easy for you to throw me away. I have been reminded recently by many people that if you truly cared you would be here, you would be going through this with me. Someone who loves and cares about another would move heaven and earth to be with that person in their time of need. Yet, there you are getting high and still shooting dope after you promised you would stop if I bailed you out. You promised that you would be with me and go to every doctor appointment that I wouldn't have to do this all alone. Words, just empty hollow words it is the same thing every time you are in jail you make promises, tell me that you miss me, that you want to marry me, and stay with me. Yet where are you now? Not here!
You went back to Daytona to take care of your legal problems and appear for pre-trial services but guess what everyday the bondsman calls demanding that I pay them for both of your bonds. You are hiding and on the run. I am left holding the bag and soon they will be taking money from my check to cover the $6,500.00 that you were your bonds. I put my faith and trust in you and you have let me down not this time but over and over again. I don't know what you expect me to do, I can't live torn up like this. You have no respect for me, you have no love for me and you made the choice to leave and not return. Through all of this I have been patient, I have reached out to you and I have sent you money even when I knew I shouldn't have. Days have gone by and I hear nothing from you. I have had serious test run and spoken to surgeons and have you reached out to find out about their outcome? NO.
I am writing this to try and sort out my feelings, to know my heart and to try and clean the wounds in my mind. Yes I am hurt, but I need to let go. You are doing nothing for me and haven't for a long long time except make excuses and lie. I came here to re-build, re-group and get my feet back under me I am doing well with that. Yet I waste energy and money on you when I should be focusing on myself first. You have shown by your actions that you don't want me around. I have been told some of the things you think of me. I am amazed that you can lie directly too me and tell me that you love me and care for me yet still do and say the things that you have been doing. Karma is a terrible mistress and she will come and collect from you all that you have put out. People are saying that you are lying and stealing from them, that you are using them when I hear these things I don't know what to say. I am sad because things that I have been told about you in the past of things that you used to do behind my back have proven to be true and it hurts more and more.
The person that I fell in love with 4 plus years ago isn't you. I don't know where that man went. He wouldn't have left me, he didn't leave me when I was sick and almost died, he stayed by my side and protected me. He would never hit me, but since the trailer on Nova Rd it has become worse and worse. I am not the type to give up on another person, but it seems that you have given up on me so why should I stand in a relationship all alone? A relationship is a partnership between two individuals to come together and support one another, to build a better future for each other. I don't know what else to do but say goodbye and walk away. Something that you have already done. Days and weeks go by and I hear nothing from you, yet I continue to pay for your cellphone bill. You aren't here for me!
I have no idea what you expect from me or what you thought was going to happen. But you have been gone over 3 months and it really doesn't seem like you have any intention of returning. I am probably leaving and going back to California and starting over. There is nothing in Florida for me anymore.
Please take care. I do still care, but I can't put myself out there anymore for you. My heart is broken and it will take a long long time to mend.
Goodbye dear one, Good luck.
Do you get a sense of satisfaction hurting me and using me. Telling people that I am nasty and that you can't stand to be around me. But when you are in trouble or in a bind I am the one that you come and find. I have remained constant and faithful doing what I could to show that I care, yet you are not here your still there. I am going through so much and you don't even care. You don't call or write, I only hear from you when you need something or want something from me. That is not fair.
My mind is in disarray, my emotions are scattered. My nights are sleepless and I am very restless. Yet still my heart is hurting because I have a love for you. Despite all that you have done to me and against me I am still here. But that my dear one is about to come to an end. I am torn you have accused me of talking to others behind your back which isn't true. Many have reached out and talked to me about the things that you are doing. It breaks my heart to think that you would be so cruel but the words that I have heard you have thrown in my face before so they can't be anything but true. I find that it has been you that has spoken to others about me and made me seem a monster.
I am finding out that I have been scared to leave because I have been afraid of being alone, but it seems so easy for you to throw me away. I have been reminded recently by many people that if you truly cared you would be here, you would be going through this with me. Someone who loves and cares about another would move heaven and earth to be with that person in their time of need. Yet, there you are getting high and still shooting dope after you promised you would stop if I bailed you out. You promised that you would be with me and go to every doctor appointment that I wouldn't have to do this all alone. Words, just empty hollow words it is the same thing every time you are in jail you make promises, tell me that you miss me, that you want to marry me, and stay with me. Yet where are you now? Not here!
You went back to Daytona to take care of your legal problems and appear for pre-trial services but guess what everyday the bondsman calls demanding that I pay them for both of your bonds. You are hiding and on the run. I am left holding the bag and soon they will be taking money from my check to cover the $6,500.00 that you were your bonds. I put my faith and trust in you and you have let me down not this time but over and over again. I don't know what you expect me to do, I can't live torn up like this. You have no respect for me, you have no love for me and you made the choice to leave and not return. Through all of this I have been patient, I have reached out to you and I have sent you money even when I knew I shouldn't have. Days have gone by and I hear nothing from you. I have had serious test run and spoken to surgeons and have you reached out to find out about their outcome? NO.
I am writing this to try and sort out my feelings, to know my heart and to try and clean the wounds in my mind. Yes I am hurt, but I need to let go. You are doing nothing for me and haven't for a long long time except make excuses and lie. I came here to re-build, re-group and get my feet back under me I am doing well with that. Yet I waste energy and money on you when I should be focusing on myself first. You have shown by your actions that you don't want me around. I have been told some of the things you think of me. I am amazed that you can lie directly too me and tell me that you love me and care for me yet still do and say the things that you have been doing. Karma is a terrible mistress and she will come and collect from you all that you have put out. People are saying that you are lying and stealing from them, that you are using them when I hear these things I don't know what to say. I am sad because things that I have been told about you in the past of things that you used to do behind my back have proven to be true and it hurts more and more.
The person that I fell in love with 4 plus years ago isn't you. I don't know where that man went. He wouldn't have left me, he didn't leave me when I was sick and almost died, he stayed by my side and protected me. He would never hit me, but since the trailer on Nova Rd it has become worse and worse. I am not the type to give up on another person, but it seems that you have given up on me so why should I stand in a relationship all alone? A relationship is a partnership between two individuals to come together and support one another, to build a better future for each other. I don't know what else to do but say goodbye and walk away. Something that you have already done. Days and weeks go by and I hear nothing from you, yet I continue to pay for your cellphone bill. You aren't here for me!
I have no idea what you expect from me or what you thought was going to happen. But you have been gone over 3 months and it really doesn't seem like you have any intention of returning. I am probably leaving and going back to California and starting over. There is nothing in Florida for me anymore.
Please take care. I do still care, but I can't put myself out there anymore for you. My heart is broken and it will take a long long time to mend.
Goodbye dear one, Good luck.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
The weight on my chest
They keep telling me that life is what you make of it. I have yet again taken a wrong turn and before I realized it I was back to where I started.
It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you. You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago. There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.
Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days. This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.
I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time. Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun. Why put me through Atlanta all over again? Why do what he did?
I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away. However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account. All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'
I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money. But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there. It was a set up from the get go.
Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.
I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me. But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly. Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe. You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed. I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.
You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing. Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account. I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have bought more stuff and saved some money. But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00. That come on you know I got you. I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright. Guess what it isn't alright.
A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved. Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.
What I find even more funny is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend. You gave everyone more than me. I didn't say anything it was just drugs. But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff, which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.
But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house. I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.
Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on the phone, I would have been happy.
How disappointing!
But I have to give credit where credit is due. My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure the the bills were paid first they were priority. Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed. He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in. Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you. You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago. There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.
Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days. This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.
I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time. Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun. Why put me through Atlanta all over again? Why do what he did?
I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away. However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account. All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'
I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money. But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there. It was a set up from the get go.
Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.
I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me. But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly. Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe. You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed. I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.
You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing. Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account. I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have bought more stuff and saved some money. But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00. That come on you know I got you. I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright. Guess what it isn't alright.
A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved. Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.
What I find even more funny is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend. You gave everyone more than me. I didn't say anything it was just drugs. But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff, which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.
But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house. I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.
Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on the phone, I would have been happy.
How disappointing!
But I have to give credit where credit is due. My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure the the bills were paid first they were priority. Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed. He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in. Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, November 18, 2013
On my mind
You walked out the door once again with no words on your lips. You lied to my face and disappeared without a trace. I have called and text but to no avail. Where did you go and why did you run? I have helped and worked, cheered and supported. Did what no one else was willing to do, yet how do you repay? With disappearing without a trace.
I worked and did all that I can to get you free from your past and still you turn around and go back again. You said to trust you and yet again you have let me down. Actions speak louder than words you say, and here you go disappearing without a trace.
You say you love me and have asked me not to leave, but don't you see I am not the one who leaves. I am the rock, the fixture that is always here when you disappear without a trace.
I have begged and pleaded for you to stay, but once again you just walk away.
You have broken my heart and my spirit and I don't want to live this way.
I love you still but I can be no more, you are the one that shut that door.
Can't you see that you have lost me, the one you said was the best thing you had
Why have you hurt me so bad?
Sometimes love is just not enough
So here I am calling your bluff.
I don't want to walk away
But with you I cannot stay
You made it this way!
I worked and did all that I can to get you free from your past and still you turn around and go back again. You said to trust you and yet again you have let me down. Actions speak louder than words you say, and here you go disappearing without a trace.
You say you love me and have asked me not to leave, but don't you see I am not the one who leaves. I am the rock, the fixture that is always here when you disappear without a trace.
I have begged and pleaded for you to stay, but once again you just walk away.
You have broken my heart and my spirit and I don't want to live this way.
I love you still but I can be no more, you are the one that shut that door.
Can't you see that you have lost me, the one you said was the best thing you had
Why have you hurt me so bad?
Sometimes love is just not enough
So here I am calling your bluff.
I don't want to walk away
But with you I cannot stay
You made it this way!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Don't be a victim any more!
I posted a blog several minutes ago that is totally based on personal experience. How I have found myself confronted with friends and acquaintances that continually hit me up asking for help both financially and emotionally. What I have realized is that I am the one that has set up myself for failure in my dealings with others. Last year when I was in Atlanta, I found out that I am stuck in a pattern of behavior, a destructive spiral that has been repeating in my life for years. But each time I get hurt I am still surprised. My case manager at AID Atlanta pointed out to me that everything I have ever done is set myself up to be a victim. I started seeking professional help. Apparently my personal interrelationship skills have been severely warped because of trauma experienced in my previous long term relationship. Now, trust me when I tell you that there was some trauma, mental and physical abuse that I endured for twelve years, but I don't believe that my behavior is a product of that relationship alone. As I am very fond of telling you, we are the product of everything we have ever been through, all the people we have ever known and the decisions and choices we have made. With that being said, let me tell you that I believe some of my behavior problems come from the way my parents interacted with each other while I was growing up.
My parents were married and divorced from each other 4 times. They had terrible fights and never got along. All together my parents were together for 36 years, but I am not sure they ever knew what true love was. This pattern of behavior between my parents had affected my ability to find and nurture a successful relationship. Plus, the experiences I have had with my own long term relationships have affected my self-esteem and self-worth. Sometimes I wonder if that alone might the biggest factor in how I enter into relationships and how I react when I meet other people. See when my 12 1/2 year relationship finally came to an end, I had forgotten who I was. I somehow lost myself in the relationship, my sense of identity and fundamentally my drive and direction in life. I had also been told over and over again for 12 long years that I was fat, ugly, untalented and undesirable. I had heard it so much, that I began to believe it. Now, even though I weigh a hundred and thirty pounds I still see the fat person staring back at me from the mirror.
In order to keep myself from getting hurt, I met and dated people that I felt needed me, people who I thought I could help or rescue from themselves or the situations that they were in. I guess in some sort of way it made me feel good helping other people, that I was like a hero coming to their rescue, was helping them to better themselves. It made me feel useful and needed, and somewhere during our conversations, I would explain how others in my past had stolen from me or done me wrong. Thus giving them the ammunition and the information they needed to do exactly the same thing to me that others had done. What I did was sabotage myself and the relationship right from the beginning. Instead of protecting myself, I ended up giving away my weaknesses and vulnerability. Then I would wonder why I was hurt and used and left all over again, and why it seemed to keep happening to me. I used to think that men would see my kindness for weakness, but what was actually happening was I myself was giving others the ability to use me and take from me repeatedly.
What I am trying to tell you is that each of us follows our own pattern of behavior, and if you look hard enough and are honest with yourself you can discover yours. Once you discover the pattern and understand why you have fallen into it, you can then change it. You can break out of it and create a new pattern. My pattern started because I had the need to feel wanted, the need to be needed and useful in someone else's life. What started out as a desire to help others, to make their lives easier, to help them overcome their obstacles and work through their issues and crisis's, would end up with me getting involved with them. Some might even call that a Florence Nightengale syndrome. You want to help and be a rescuer, you get a sense of joy and fulfillment out of helping others, it makes you feel like you are useful and worthy. You then start to identify those feelings with intimacy, and you start falling for those you are trying to help. Or at least that is what I did. I would then further talk to them explain to them how hurt I have been in the past, what I was afraid of, how people had stolen from me, taken from me and used me. By doing that and confiding in these individuals, I gave them all the information and ammunition they needed to do the same thing to me. Therefore, I ended up perpetuating this behavior over and over again. So I would be a savior, hero, protector, basically Captain-Save-A-Ho. Then I would get closer to the person I was trying to help, become intimate, reveal my entire life history to them, and open myself up to be a victim, then once it happened I would then become a martyr. This was a never ending cycle.
Being a drug addict didn't help the situation at all. As a matter of fact it opened me up to scores of people that always seemed to need help. I was in a financial situation where I could help them, get them drugs and help them get off the street. I didn't realize the destructiveness of my behavior. Nor while I was on the drugs could I see what was plain to everyone around me. That my relationship building skills were severely damaged. Once I realized that I was stuck in a destructive type of behavior, I started to change my pattern, got off the drugs, got a job, reevaluated my goals and moved away from my old group of friends. On top of that I enrolled in school to better myself and start a new chapter in my life. I also started writing my blog, to help others and put some distance between myself and others. I don't want to again confuse my need to help others with intimacy. I am more guarded with my life and who and what I allow in. I stay away from the drugs and those that do them and I am much happier that way.
Honestly, if you are not happy with your life, you have to do something to change it yourself, it doesn't come with a remote control. What this means is that you have to get up off your butt and make the changes because there isn't a little box that is going to make the changes for you. You have to put some effort into making the change or it just isn't going to happen. Change takes effort, time and energy! But trust me if I can do it you can too. Don't let others intimidate you or make you feel that you owe them something. Because you know what the only person you owe anything too is yourself. You owe it to yourself to protect yourself from hurt, pain or people that want to use and abuse you. You have to put yourself first and everyone else after that. Just like in my earlier blog, you can want to help someone, but if they aren't doing something to change themselves, and they are not demonstrating that they want to change, walk away. Because you can't force someone to change themselves. They have to want it. They have to make the effort, you cannot do that for them. Also if someone is demonstrating that they are continuing in their same pattern behavior and not trying to better themselves. Move on, they are stuck on Repeat and are going to stay there till they hit rock bottom. Once they hit rock bottom they are likely to want to make the necessary changes to move on with their life.
I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that are still out there waking up every morning turning to their dealer and asking for a wake up, then in the afternoon calling back looking for a pick me up. They go from place to place, party to party, friend to friend looking for their next hit or fix. These are the people that are stuck on repeat. Not making any effort to change their behavior or situation. The friend I was talking about in my last entry who asked me to help him out, is living on the street. Staying in hotels for a couple nights at a time before going back on to the street. He hustles, sells himself to make a buck and get his drugs. I was attracted to him, wanted to help him and get him off the street. I offered to buy him a bus ticket and bring him down to stay with me. At first he wanted to stay in Atlanta to spend time with his family for his birthday. He was supposed to get back with me on dates that he would be able to come. He never did, and then last night got mad at me when he asked me for help and I told him that I didn't have the money. He also threw it in my face that I hadn't bought the bus ticket yet, therefore I was a bullshitter.
The truth of the matter is that it was him and his inconsistency that caused me not to buy the ticket to come to Florida. Further, after our conversation last night I realized that what I had done, how I had confused my desire of wanting to help him and better his situation with feelings of caring. He used that against me by telling me that he cared about me and missed me. But his words and actions tell me otherwise. This is how I came to realize that it wasn't me that he wanted. He wanted what he thought that I could do for him. To him it didn't matter who it was, he cared about what others can do for him. Further, the more we talked the more it became evident that everything that he ever told me about how he cared for me and even told me that he loved me was a lie. He doesn't want to change his life or his situation, he wants to hustle others to get what he needs. He has no problem telling them what he thinks they want to hear. This is what he did to me, and when I offered to help him get off the streets all he wanted was for me to send him money. He even tried to tell me things about the person I am dating thinking that this would separate us and make it easier for him to get what he wanted out of me. Even now as I am writing this I am once again bemoaning what has happened to me. The difference this time, I have come to realize the pattern and now I am exposing it to the world and purging it from my system by writing this. I don't want you to think that I am making myself out to be a martyr, see I know what I have done, and realize it. I am explaining it to you so that you don't get caught up like I did.
Be wary of your patterns, learn them and if they are detrimental to yourself or others change them anyway you can. Just by making a minor deviation, you can totally change your pattern altogether. I hope that you take my experience and learn from it. If you find yourself in a similar situation you need to let them go, walk away and cut your losses.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
My parents were married and divorced from each other 4 times. They had terrible fights and never got along. All together my parents were together for 36 years, but I am not sure they ever knew what true love was. This pattern of behavior between my parents had affected my ability to find and nurture a successful relationship. Plus, the experiences I have had with my own long term relationships have affected my self-esteem and self-worth. Sometimes I wonder if that alone might the biggest factor in how I enter into relationships and how I react when I meet other people. See when my 12 1/2 year relationship finally came to an end, I had forgotten who I was. I somehow lost myself in the relationship, my sense of identity and fundamentally my drive and direction in life. I had also been told over and over again for 12 long years that I was fat, ugly, untalented and undesirable. I had heard it so much, that I began to believe it. Now, even though I weigh a hundred and thirty pounds I still see the fat person staring back at me from the mirror.
In order to keep myself from getting hurt, I met and dated people that I felt needed me, people who I thought I could help or rescue from themselves or the situations that they were in. I guess in some sort of way it made me feel good helping other people, that I was like a hero coming to their rescue, was helping them to better themselves. It made me feel useful and needed, and somewhere during our conversations, I would explain how others in my past had stolen from me or done me wrong. Thus giving them the ammunition and the information they needed to do exactly the same thing to me that others had done. What I did was sabotage myself and the relationship right from the beginning. Instead of protecting myself, I ended up giving away my weaknesses and vulnerability. Then I would wonder why I was hurt and used and left all over again, and why it seemed to keep happening to me. I used to think that men would see my kindness for weakness, but what was actually happening was I myself was giving others the ability to use me and take from me repeatedly.
What I am trying to tell you is that each of us follows our own pattern of behavior, and if you look hard enough and are honest with yourself you can discover yours. Once you discover the pattern and understand why you have fallen into it, you can then change it. You can break out of it and create a new pattern. My pattern started because I had the need to feel wanted, the need to be needed and useful in someone else's life. What started out as a desire to help others, to make their lives easier, to help them overcome their obstacles and work through their issues and crisis's, would end up with me getting involved with them. Some might even call that a Florence Nightengale syndrome. You want to help and be a rescuer, you get a sense of joy and fulfillment out of helping others, it makes you feel like you are useful and worthy. You then start to identify those feelings with intimacy, and you start falling for those you are trying to help. Or at least that is what I did. I would then further talk to them explain to them how hurt I have been in the past, what I was afraid of, how people had stolen from me, taken from me and used me. By doing that and confiding in these individuals, I gave them all the information and ammunition they needed to do the same thing to me. Therefore, I ended up perpetuating this behavior over and over again. So I would be a savior, hero, protector, basically Captain-Save-A-Ho. Then I would get closer to the person I was trying to help, become intimate, reveal my entire life history to them, and open myself up to be a victim, then once it happened I would then become a martyr. This was a never ending cycle.
Being a drug addict didn't help the situation at all. As a matter of fact it opened me up to scores of people that always seemed to need help. I was in a financial situation where I could help them, get them drugs and help them get off the street. I didn't realize the destructiveness of my behavior. Nor while I was on the drugs could I see what was plain to everyone around me. That my relationship building skills were severely damaged. Once I realized that I was stuck in a destructive type of behavior, I started to change my pattern, got off the drugs, got a job, reevaluated my goals and moved away from my old group of friends. On top of that I enrolled in school to better myself and start a new chapter in my life. I also started writing my blog, to help others and put some distance between myself and others. I don't want to again confuse my need to help others with intimacy. I am more guarded with my life and who and what I allow in. I stay away from the drugs and those that do them and I am much happier that way.
Honestly, if you are not happy with your life, you have to do something to change it yourself, it doesn't come with a remote control. What this means is that you have to get up off your butt and make the changes because there isn't a little box that is going to make the changes for you. You have to put some effort into making the change or it just isn't going to happen. Change takes effort, time and energy! But trust me if I can do it you can too. Don't let others intimidate you or make you feel that you owe them something. Because you know what the only person you owe anything too is yourself. You owe it to yourself to protect yourself from hurt, pain or people that want to use and abuse you. You have to put yourself first and everyone else after that. Just like in my earlier blog, you can want to help someone, but if they aren't doing something to change themselves, and they are not demonstrating that they want to change, walk away. Because you can't force someone to change themselves. They have to want it. They have to make the effort, you cannot do that for them. Also if someone is demonstrating that they are continuing in their same pattern behavior and not trying to better themselves. Move on, they are stuck on Repeat and are going to stay there till they hit rock bottom. Once they hit rock bottom they are likely to want to make the necessary changes to move on with their life.
I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that are still out there waking up every morning turning to their dealer and asking for a wake up, then in the afternoon calling back looking for a pick me up. They go from place to place, party to party, friend to friend looking for their next hit or fix. These are the people that are stuck on repeat. Not making any effort to change their behavior or situation. The friend I was talking about in my last entry who asked me to help him out, is living on the street. Staying in hotels for a couple nights at a time before going back on to the street. He hustles, sells himself to make a buck and get his drugs. I was attracted to him, wanted to help him and get him off the street. I offered to buy him a bus ticket and bring him down to stay with me. At first he wanted to stay in Atlanta to spend time with his family for his birthday. He was supposed to get back with me on dates that he would be able to come. He never did, and then last night got mad at me when he asked me for help and I told him that I didn't have the money. He also threw it in my face that I hadn't bought the bus ticket yet, therefore I was a bullshitter.
The truth of the matter is that it was him and his inconsistency that caused me not to buy the ticket to come to Florida. Further, after our conversation last night I realized that what I had done, how I had confused my desire of wanting to help him and better his situation with feelings of caring. He used that against me by telling me that he cared about me and missed me. But his words and actions tell me otherwise. This is how I came to realize that it wasn't me that he wanted. He wanted what he thought that I could do for him. To him it didn't matter who it was, he cared about what others can do for him. Further, the more we talked the more it became evident that everything that he ever told me about how he cared for me and even told me that he loved me was a lie. He doesn't want to change his life or his situation, he wants to hustle others to get what he needs. He has no problem telling them what he thinks they want to hear. This is what he did to me, and when I offered to help him get off the streets all he wanted was for me to send him money. He even tried to tell me things about the person I am dating thinking that this would separate us and make it easier for him to get what he wanted out of me. Even now as I am writing this I am once again bemoaning what has happened to me. The difference this time, I have come to realize the pattern and now I am exposing it to the world and purging it from my system by writing this. I don't want you to think that I am making myself out to be a martyr, see I know what I have done, and realize it. I am explaining it to you so that you don't get caught up like I did.
Be wary of your patterns, learn them and if they are detrimental to yourself or others change them anyway you can. Just by making a minor deviation, you can totally change your pattern altogether. I hope that you take my experience and learn from it. If you find yourself in a similar situation you need to let them go, walk away and cut your losses.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, August 6, 2012
All my life all I ever wanted to do was help other people
Believe it or not it is the truth, and those of you who have known me all my life can attest to the fact that I have continued to help everyone who needed it around me. Sometimes to the exclusion of my own needs, wants and desires. I would try and help as many people as I could till sometimes it hurt me and my relationships and friendships. My philosophy in life was a simple one you cannot use someone who knows what you are doing. Unfortunately, I got hurt by a lot of people who I was just trying to help. But in all honesty I wouldn't change anything I have done in my life. Because what I have been through has made me the person I am today. I have come through some really tough places, and been in some really strange situations, but I came away from all of it with a new understanding and knowledge that I would have missed out on if I hadn't had that particular experience.
I cannot say that my life has been a road full of joy, but I can tell you that it has been a great deal happier for all the people I have met and known on my journey. Trust and believe that journey is far from over, but my ideals have changed a bit, I have found a way to help people without jeopardizing myself or getting caught up in their drama. See usually it isn't necessarily the person that causes the problem, though you do run into those occasional few that try to run game on you, it is the drama that surrounds the person that causes the most problems. If you could detach the person from the drama that surrounds the problem or issue, you have a better chance of helping them. Though to be honest nine times out of ten it will be impossible, drama like to follow the downtrodden and that is just a fact of life.
I am here to tell you that you can help people, inspire them, and do great things without personally getting too involved in their life and their drama. You can offer words of encouragement, you can talk to them about their situation and offer solid real world advice, and they have to option to listen to you or carry on in their situation. You don't have to give them money, or housing, or food or any of those things, because you know what there are places and things that can help them, all you have to do is know the right resource to point them too. Now, I am not a proponent of leaving anyone on the streets, but I do know how effective it is to have 8 people crammed into your 2 bedroom apartment and you are the only one with income. Trust me you are going to quickly find out that your valuables and your hard earned money isn't going to be enough and before you know it you are going to be going through it. I learned in my last stay in Atlanta, that there is such a things as the word "NO" and that you have to exercise "Tough Love" sometimes in order to get someone motivated to do the right thing.
If you are like me and you love people and you have the desire to help them, find a way to do it that isn't going to jeopardize your well being and upset your social order, and bring discord into your life. Everyday I sit in front of my computer and I think of ways that I know of that can benefit other peoples lives, I write about them and post them here for you all to see. Yet, there is so much more that I want to do with my time and energy. I am wanting to start going on the lecture circuit and talk about cancer and other terminal illnesses like HIV and HEP C, because I have been exposed to all of those things, I have learned about them and what they mean. I am also a survivor, and I have some real world practical knowledge that I can share with people about these types of things. Now, honestly I have no real idea of how to break into that circuit, but trust me when I tell you I am going to find out. Because I want people to know that there is still life and plenty of things to do when you are afflicted with one of these things. There is so much to live for and to dream about, and do with your life, all you have to do is find the courage and the inspiration to follow through.
I encourage each and everyone of you to look around you, search the face of the people you know and find the inspiration in each of them, you know we all have a story, and we all have accomplishments that we should be proud of. I have never wanted to be famous or be more than I am, but I have had my chances, I can tell you I was well known when I worked for Disney, I met a lot of people in the entertainment industry, and some of them I made an impression on and some probably don't even remember my name, but then I moved to Atlanta and again I found myself in a position where I knew a lot of people and was influential in things pertaining to the government of the State of Georgia. I worked for 4 different Governors, and my opinion was asked for and valued at the same time. Now, here I am telling you that you can do it! You can be anything you want to be, but I want you to remember that you have to take care of yourself first, you must make sure that your needs are taken care of and met before you try to take care of anyone else's needs or problems, because if you don't one day you are going to wake up and realize that you have been taken for a ride, and everyone has left you and you have nothing left to give to anyone anymore. I know trust me I am speaking from personal experience here.
But, here is the thing about me, nothing keeps me down for long, I love people, and I love movies, and I love music, and I find inspiration in people and things that you probably aren't even aware of. I was on Google + a minute ago and Nicki Minaj is doing a question and answer on their and I saw her response to one girl who asked her is she would come and visit her school. Nicki's response was to email her because she didn't have any information on where this girl was at or where her school was. Now this is from a superstar, taking the interest here. I have been following Nicki's career with interest, and have encouraged her to read my blog, but who knows if she will or not, but I can tell you she is an inspiration to me, she gives me strength knowing that she is out there doing her best to be a role model for these young women, someone they can look up to. She teaches them to respect themselves and their talent, and to dare to dream, because dreams do come true. Now, I don't know if Nicki ever dreamed of when she signed with LiL Waynes label that she would become a role model or not, but I can tell you this, she is doing a great job with it. What's even better she is taking the time out of her schedule to address her fans one on one, and that is something that you don't see every star doing. I applaud her efforts and I know she is going to go far in this world.
My point in all of this, is if you want to help someone and they have truly asked for your help and you are willing to take on the challenge, then I encourage you to do so bravely, but remember to take care of yourself in the process, don't let them take more from you than you are willing to give, and know when to say No and when it is time to cut the strings, because there are some out there that will continue to take and never give in return, there are those that don't understand the concept of help, and in actuality all you end up doing is enabling them to continue in their own set behavior and never move out of it. Trust me I have been an enabler more times than I can to reiterate here, but let me tell you, if the person you are trying to help isn't trying to better themselves, and continues on in the same pattern of behavior you found them in, you need to cut the strings and walk away, because they aren't really looking for your help, they are trying to find someone who is going to provide for their current needs and forget the rest, and if you are not careful they may pull you down with them.
I live my life as an example of how you can change the way you were handling things to a better more constructive way. My blogging enables me to reach out and touch and help more people now more than ever, and I don't have to support them, feed them, or help them get drugs. Because you know what I have been there before and I can tell you that it can become defeatist if you let it, and you can get stuck in the same trap that the person you are trying to help is in and before you know it you are looking for a hand to help you out of your predicament. Trust me it isn't easy when you lose your way, and it is hard to get back on your feet when you are constantly starting over with nothing. But know this, you can benefit from each experience, you can learn from them and you can grow. Others will see what your about and take inspiration from it and try to emulate you. That is the best form of flattery if you ask me, if someone takes how you do things and imitates them.
I keep telling you that life is short and that you cannot help everyone in the world, and maybe I am wrong, because as of my 100th blog entry I have readers from 25 countries check out my blog. Now, I have no way of know if they have actually read it or what, but I can tell you that I have a lot of readers out there. Not many of them have actually joined my blog site, but I have a lot of people that email me and post on my Facebook and Twitter about my blog, so I am encouraged to keep on writing. I know that there are a lot of people out there that have heard what I am saying before, but they just need a reminder now and then. Other times, I feel the Spirit of the Lord or my Angels telling me that I need to write something, and before you know it I am getting a post or comment telling me thank you that it must have been meant for them because it came at just the right moment that they needed to hear it.
I write because it helps me deal with the situations I am going through, and I use examples from my own life and I try to keep the focus simple and easy to understand because, I want everyone to find some value or benefit from what I write. I am not making any money doing this, it is my passion and something that I am good at. I retired because of illness and I do this because I want to, not because I have to, and trust me if I don't write for a day I feel guilty even when I publish three in a day. But there are some days when I have to think a bit more about the topic I want to discuss because I haven't quite got it all worked out yet. But when I do I am back at the keyboard typing away.
So those of you that want to help others around you find a way like me to help them and others and do it in such a way that you are a positive role model that they can base their own choices on. Keep up a positive outlook on things and watch how much of a return you get in the sense of joy and satisfaction. Trust me you will be amazed at how good it feels knowing that you were able to help someone and that they benefited in some small way from your life and your example.
All of you keep up the good work, and please be sure to look around you and find inspiration in those that touch your life. Tell them thank you, share with them the encouragement and strength you have found in them, take time to appreciate them. Give thanks to God that he has brought them into your life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I cannot say that my life has been a road full of joy, but I can tell you that it has been a great deal happier for all the people I have met and known on my journey. Trust and believe that journey is far from over, but my ideals have changed a bit, I have found a way to help people without jeopardizing myself or getting caught up in their drama. See usually it isn't necessarily the person that causes the problem, though you do run into those occasional few that try to run game on you, it is the drama that surrounds the person that causes the most problems. If you could detach the person from the drama that surrounds the problem or issue, you have a better chance of helping them. Though to be honest nine times out of ten it will be impossible, drama like to follow the downtrodden and that is just a fact of life.
I am here to tell you that you can help people, inspire them, and do great things without personally getting too involved in their life and their drama. You can offer words of encouragement, you can talk to them about their situation and offer solid real world advice, and they have to option to listen to you or carry on in their situation. You don't have to give them money, or housing, or food or any of those things, because you know what there are places and things that can help them, all you have to do is know the right resource to point them too. Now, I am not a proponent of leaving anyone on the streets, but I do know how effective it is to have 8 people crammed into your 2 bedroom apartment and you are the only one with income. Trust me you are going to quickly find out that your valuables and your hard earned money isn't going to be enough and before you know it you are going to be going through it. I learned in my last stay in Atlanta, that there is such a things as the word "NO" and that you have to exercise "Tough Love" sometimes in order to get someone motivated to do the right thing.
If you are like me and you love people and you have the desire to help them, find a way to do it that isn't going to jeopardize your well being and upset your social order, and bring discord into your life. Everyday I sit in front of my computer and I think of ways that I know of that can benefit other peoples lives, I write about them and post them here for you all to see. Yet, there is so much more that I want to do with my time and energy. I am wanting to start going on the lecture circuit and talk about cancer and other terminal illnesses like HIV and HEP C, because I have been exposed to all of those things, I have learned about them and what they mean. I am also a survivor, and I have some real world practical knowledge that I can share with people about these types of things. Now, honestly I have no real idea of how to break into that circuit, but trust me when I tell you I am going to find out. Because I want people to know that there is still life and plenty of things to do when you are afflicted with one of these things. There is so much to live for and to dream about, and do with your life, all you have to do is find the courage and the inspiration to follow through.
I encourage each and everyone of you to look around you, search the face of the people you know and find the inspiration in each of them, you know we all have a story, and we all have accomplishments that we should be proud of. I have never wanted to be famous or be more than I am, but I have had my chances, I can tell you I was well known when I worked for Disney, I met a lot of people in the entertainment industry, and some of them I made an impression on and some probably don't even remember my name, but then I moved to Atlanta and again I found myself in a position where I knew a lot of people and was influential in things pertaining to the government of the State of Georgia. I worked for 4 different Governors, and my opinion was asked for and valued at the same time. Now, here I am telling you that you can do it! You can be anything you want to be, but I want you to remember that you have to take care of yourself first, you must make sure that your needs are taken care of and met before you try to take care of anyone else's needs or problems, because if you don't one day you are going to wake up and realize that you have been taken for a ride, and everyone has left you and you have nothing left to give to anyone anymore. I know trust me I am speaking from personal experience here.
But, here is the thing about me, nothing keeps me down for long, I love people, and I love movies, and I love music, and I find inspiration in people and things that you probably aren't even aware of. I was on Google + a minute ago and Nicki Minaj is doing a question and answer on their and I saw her response to one girl who asked her is she would come and visit her school. Nicki's response was to email her because she didn't have any information on where this girl was at or where her school was. Now this is from a superstar, taking the interest here. I have been following Nicki's career with interest, and have encouraged her to read my blog, but who knows if she will or not, but I can tell you she is an inspiration to me, she gives me strength knowing that she is out there doing her best to be a role model for these young women, someone they can look up to. She teaches them to respect themselves and their talent, and to dare to dream, because dreams do come true. Now, I don't know if Nicki ever dreamed of when she signed with LiL Waynes label that she would become a role model or not, but I can tell you this, she is doing a great job with it. What's even better she is taking the time out of her schedule to address her fans one on one, and that is something that you don't see every star doing. I applaud her efforts and I know she is going to go far in this world.
My point in all of this, is if you want to help someone and they have truly asked for your help and you are willing to take on the challenge, then I encourage you to do so bravely, but remember to take care of yourself in the process, don't let them take more from you than you are willing to give, and know when to say No and when it is time to cut the strings, because there are some out there that will continue to take and never give in return, there are those that don't understand the concept of help, and in actuality all you end up doing is enabling them to continue in their own set behavior and never move out of it. Trust me I have been an enabler more times than I can to reiterate here, but let me tell you, if the person you are trying to help isn't trying to better themselves, and continues on in the same pattern of behavior you found them in, you need to cut the strings and walk away, because they aren't really looking for your help, they are trying to find someone who is going to provide for their current needs and forget the rest, and if you are not careful they may pull you down with them.
I live my life as an example of how you can change the way you were handling things to a better more constructive way. My blogging enables me to reach out and touch and help more people now more than ever, and I don't have to support them, feed them, or help them get drugs. Because you know what I have been there before and I can tell you that it can become defeatist if you let it, and you can get stuck in the same trap that the person you are trying to help is in and before you know it you are looking for a hand to help you out of your predicament. Trust me it isn't easy when you lose your way, and it is hard to get back on your feet when you are constantly starting over with nothing. But know this, you can benefit from each experience, you can learn from them and you can grow. Others will see what your about and take inspiration from it and try to emulate you. That is the best form of flattery if you ask me, if someone takes how you do things and imitates them.
I keep telling you that life is short and that you cannot help everyone in the world, and maybe I am wrong, because as of my 100th blog entry I have readers from 25 countries check out my blog. Now, I have no way of know if they have actually read it or what, but I can tell you that I have a lot of readers out there. Not many of them have actually joined my blog site, but I have a lot of people that email me and post on my Facebook and Twitter about my blog, so I am encouraged to keep on writing. I know that there are a lot of people out there that have heard what I am saying before, but they just need a reminder now and then. Other times, I feel the Spirit of the Lord or my Angels telling me that I need to write something, and before you know it I am getting a post or comment telling me thank you that it must have been meant for them because it came at just the right moment that they needed to hear it.
I write because it helps me deal with the situations I am going through, and I use examples from my own life and I try to keep the focus simple and easy to understand because, I want everyone to find some value or benefit from what I write. I am not making any money doing this, it is my passion and something that I am good at. I retired because of illness and I do this because I want to, not because I have to, and trust me if I don't write for a day I feel guilty even when I publish three in a day. But there are some days when I have to think a bit more about the topic I want to discuss because I haven't quite got it all worked out yet. But when I do I am back at the keyboard typing away.
So those of you that want to help others around you find a way like me to help them and others and do it in such a way that you are a positive role model that they can base their own choices on. Keep up a positive outlook on things and watch how much of a return you get in the sense of joy and satisfaction. Trust me you will be amazed at how good it feels knowing that you were able to help someone and that they benefited in some small way from your life and your example.
All of you keep up the good work, and please be sure to look around you and find inspiration in those that touch your life. Tell them thank you, share with them the encouragement and strength you have found in them, take time to appreciate them. Give thanks to God that he has brought them into your life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, July 2, 2012
Frienemies you know who you are:
I wrote this thinking about a friend and realized that I have some of these too. So here is my farewell to you. Because I am right and I need to move on. Lend me an ear and I will show you what they are, be careful they are near you and you may not yet be aware.
Frienemies:
They smile and are kind to your face claiming they are your friend till the end.
Only worried about their own ambitions and greed.
Who hold you back and struggle to keep you from rounding the next bend.
Acting like they have your back and your need
always saying they are acting in your steed.
All the while plotting and scheming for their own desires.
Sabotage and subterfuge are not their only abuse.
What plain and skillful are these incredible liars.
Trickery and artifice they use to beguile their only excuse.
Can't you see they are only out to get you?
Oh how I wish you could see how different is their view.
Holding you back
Always ready to attack
Cut them from your life
And end their bitter strife.
Then you will see how different things can be
How change will come to you and set you free.
They cannot defeat you
because you have a cause
Your views are just and will give them pause.
Because a warrior are you
their lies and games will soon be seen by those around you.
Because nothing can stop stand in the light of what is the truth,
without them having the burden of proof.
You have failed you see.
You cannot stop me.
Hold me down or defeat me.
My words are clear and true,
and your actions will unmask you.
Goodbye my so called friend
your reign of lies and doubt are at an end.
I have won can't you see,
you have nothing more to hold over me.
I am strong and healthy
and now I am free
from your hate and envy.
You have lost and cannot hold me down,
for you I won't let my soul be bound.
So long Frienemy you couldn't kill me
for that you are no longer alive to me.
I forgive you and want only the best for you.
Good-bye find someone else to try
because I am done and you are through
It is for the best I say good-bye to you!
As always my hope and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
Frienemies:
They smile and are kind to your face claiming they are your friend till the end.
Only worried about their own ambitions and greed.
Who hold you back and struggle to keep you from rounding the next bend.
Acting like they have your back and your need
always saying they are acting in your steed.
All the while plotting and scheming for their own desires.
Sabotage and subterfuge are not their only abuse.
What plain and skillful are these incredible liars.
Trickery and artifice they use to beguile their only excuse.
Can't you see they are only out to get you?
Oh how I wish you could see how different is their view.
Holding you back
Always ready to attack
Cut them from your life
And end their bitter strife.
Then you will see how different things can be
How change will come to you and set you free.
They cannot defeat you
because you have a cause
Your views are just and will give them pause.
Because a warrior are you
their lies and games will soon be seen by those around you.
Because nothing can stop stand in the light of what is the truth,
without them having the burden of proof.
You have failed you see.
You cannot stop me.
Hold me down or defeat me.
My words are clear and true,
and your actions will unmask you.
Goodbye my so called friend
your reign of lies and doubt are at an end.
I have won can't you see,
you have nothing more to hold over me.
I am strong and healthy
and now I am free
from your hate and envy.
You have lost and cannot hold me down,
for you I won't let my soul be bound.
So long Frienemy you couldn't kill me
for that you are no longer alive to me.
I forgive you and want only the best for you.
Good-bye find someone else to try
because I am done and you are through
It is for the best I say good-bye to you!
As always my hope and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)