For years I have been the victim of my own poor choices, bad relationships and my inability to judge another person's character. I know that as a man I have to face the consequences of my actions, the repercussions of choices, and I am judged by those I hang around. I have always started my journey's with the best of intentions, and yet somehow it always seems to fuck up and I am carried in a direction that I never ever dreamed would have happened. Over and over again, I have always done exactly what other people wanted. I have put others well being over my own, I always think of myself last, and when I am hurt I am standing all alone and wondering where my friends really are. My last relationship was like that, and the last year in Atlanta was messed up by the choices and friends that I associated with.
Now, I have come to Florida, and I was doing really well for myself. Despite being here 3 days and having to have emergency surgery, and taking 2 months to recover. I still had a job, a car, and a place of my own in 8 months from getting off that bus. I ended up bringing my partner back here and I ended up making poor choices and wrong decisions and I lost everything and had to start over. Here I am 4 months out of a nursing home and I have my own car and my own place. But, I am afraid that I have placed another above me and it is going to be my undoing. I am not sure that I am strong enough to recover this time. My best friend needed me and I was there for him. I have done everything I have said I was going to do, and yet tonight it just seemed like I was being brushed off, that he didn't want me around and do you know how badly that hurt. He said he didn't snap at me but he did, and my feelings were crushed.
I am sitting here right now writing this with tears streaming down my face, and when he called me I tried to explain, what I was feeling and he tried to turn it around on me and make me feel like I was the one that was hurting his feelings. That I didn't put everything aside and everyone else to the back so that I could spend time with him and his family. Not because I had too but because I really wanted to and for them to be leaving tomorrow and I was just casually thrown to the side.
How many times am I going to put myself out there and try and help someone and get my face stomped on in the process? How many times am I going to have to sit at home and cry because once again I come in second to someone else? I want to be there for my friend because at least in my eyes he is a friend, but what am I really too him? Am I a friend? I don't even know anymore, I thought I had gotten stronger, I thought that I had isolated myself from the negative influences in my life and now I am not even sure if I am on the right path anymore.
It never fails when I start to get going good something makes me swerve or turn around. My life has been a series of wrong turns and u-turns. I want to be a help so bad, but what ends up happening is I set myself up for failure, I become a victim in my own life and everything derails and I have to start the whole damn thing all over again. I have stayed in relationships way longer than I should have, I have helped people who were undeserving and who were only out to help themselves, and I am beginning to see that has become the pattern of my life and I am not sure I am strong enough to break it.
I am not sure that I have another u-turn left in me. I have failed before I have had a chance to even start, and it was because my own friend has sabotaged themselves. They have convinced themselves that they are not worthy of love, companionship or friendship. Since they have done that they have started to dwell on anything and everything that comes into their life and guess what all of that is drawing more negative energy into their life. I want to be strong for my friend, I want to try and make up for past mistakes, but he has made it impossible for me to move forward without falling into a dark abyss that I may never find my way out of. He told me today that he needed help and I am afraid that I am not the right one to handle that at all. I used to think I was up to the challenge, but now that I have seen that he doesn't really give a shit about me or my feelings, I wonder if everything I have been trying to accomplish is just in vain.
I am a failure at love, I have tried so many times and they have all gone so horribly wrong, I am inept at judging another's character and those who I think are my friends are just people that are out to get something out of me and not give anything back in return. I have been the type of person who goes back to the previous relationship and tries desperately to cling on to that person because they at least showed some sort of acceptance. However, it has become evident that the last person I was with was embarrassed by me, he tells everyone who will listen that we were never in a relationship, and now even my best friend has decided that my pain, and health is not relevant to him and has chosen to push me even further away. Since he has been here, he has been isolating himself, surrounds himself in a dark cloud of gloom and when I try to pull out of him what is bothering him, he talks me into circles and never opens up.
So not only am I a failure at love I am also a poor judge of character, and I don't do well interacting with others I can only assume. So from where I sit, my snap judgement to help my friend out of the situation he has found himself in, I am beginning to feel that I have yet again made a wrong turn and that this is going to end horribly. That everything that I hope and would like to do will be once again wasted on a person who doesn't even really give a shit about me.
What can I do to break this pattern of behavior, something that has been seriously ingrained in my psyche, and has ruled my life for the past 46 years. I know that I can't change that a person never truly ever changes, they might evolve into something better or more useful but the core personality and likes and dislikes is going to be there. Am I cursed to walk this path? Am I going to always walk this path alone? Yes and Yes are the answers. I don't think that I will ever find a way to break out of this cycle of behavior that I have created for myself, and it will be totally impossible for someone to walk with me and accept the turns and u-turns I have made in my life. For once again, I am trapped by my decision to help someone else and I don't think that they are truly ready to help themselves, so all the energy and work that I have been trying to put into them is just going to be wasted effort.
Hell, after the phone call tonight I may never see my friend again and that is going to be a real big problem for me and one that I will end up going to jail for. It would have been nice to hear thank you for taking my family around and helping out with things this weekend. But, it didn't happen and it won't. I really wasn't expecting to hear anything but it would have been nice to be acknowledged for the stuff that I have done and the accomplishments that I achieved.
So what can I say to you if your life like my life is full of wrong turns and u-turns you may have to re-evaluate your circumstances, possibly even break ties with everyone around you and just go somewhere new and start all over again. I tried to do that and once again the attempt tho valiant was also a dismal failure. Here I am in Daytona, and I am still doing and facing the same things that I did in Atlanta, the only difference is it is only one person and not many that have done it too me.
I believe that my guilt over our last parting made me feel a certain kind of way and I was trying to make up for what I did and said when I last saw my friend. It just doesn't seem like I will ever have the chance to try and rebuild what was broke. He has pulled so far away tonight that I am drifting once again, something I never ever hoped I would have to face again on my own.
Break that pattern before it breaks you. Because here I sit before you and I am broken, and I don't think that there will be anyway that I can pull myself back together. I have already given up on love, now I have given up on the entire concept of having friends. The main reason is because I keep getting hurt over and over and my heart has been broken by this in the latest series of events. I was already suffering from lower self-esteem, and self-worth because of how my ex just up and left and never came back.
Break the pattern before it breaks you. It becomes super hard to put yourself back together once you are broken, your spirit is weakened and your soul is bruised and your ego is hurt. I am not sure I am ever going to feel the same way about myself ever again. I doubt that my friend will ever know I wrote this, I don't think he reads my blog anyway. So the chances are he will never know how I am feeling tonight and how defeated I have become.
I hope this helps someone, it didn't spare my feelings and the hardship I am going through, but at least I was able to get off of my chest that which has hurt me.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label victim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label victim. Show all posts
Friday, March 20, 2015
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Don't be a victim any more!
I posted a blog several minutes ago that is totally based on personal experience. How I have found myself confronted with friends and acquaintances that continually hit me up asking for help both financially and emotionally. What I have realized is that I am the one that has set up myself for failure in my dealings with others. Last year when I was in Atlanta, I found out that I am stuck in a pattern of behavior, a destructive spiral that has been repeating in my life for years. But each time I get hurt I am still surprised. My case manager at AID Atlanta pointed out to me that everything I have ever done is set myself up to be a victim. I started seeking professional help. Apparently my personal interrelationship skills have been severely warped because of trauma experienced in my previous long term relationship. Now, trust me when I tell you that there was some trauma, mental and physical abuse that I endured for twelve years, but I don't believe that my behavior is a product of that relationship alone. As I am very fond of telling you, we are the product of everything we have ever been through, all the people we have ever known and the decisions and choices we have made. With that being said, let me tell you that I believe some of my behavior problems come from the way my parents interacted with each other while I was growing up.
My parents were married and divorced from each other 4 times. They had terrible fights and never got along. All together my parents were together for 36 years, but I am not sure they ever knew what true love was. This pattern of behavior between my parents had affected my ability to find and nurture a successful relationship. Plus, the experiences I have had with my own long term relationships have affected my self-esteem and self-worth. Sometimes I wonder if that alone might the biggest factor in how I enter into relationships and how I react when I meet other people. See when my 12 1/2 year relationship finally came to an end, I had forgotten who I was. I somehow lost myself in the relationship, my sense of identity and fundamentally my drive and direction in life. I had also been told over and over again for 12 long years that I was fat, ugly, untalented and undesirable. I had heard it so much, that I began to believe it. Now, even though I weigh a hundred and thirty pounds I still see the fat person staring back at me from the mirror.
In order to keep myself from getting hurt, I met and dated people that I felt needed me, people who I thought I could help or rescue from themselves or the situations that they were in. I guess in some sort of way it made me feel good helping other people, that I was like a hero coming to their rescue, was helping them to better themselves. It made me feel useful and needed, and somewhere during our conversations, I would explain how others in my past had stolen from me or done me wrong. Thus giving them the ammunition and the information they needed to do exactly the same thing to me that others had done. What I did was sabotage myself and the relationship right from the beginning. Instead of protecting myself, I ended up giving away my weaknesses and vulnerability. Then I would wonder why I was hurt and used and left all over again, and why it seemed to keep happening to me. I used to think that men would see my kindness for weakness, but what was actually happening was I myself was giving others the ability to use me and take from me repeatedly.
What I am trying to tell you is that each of us follows our own pattern of behavior, and if you look hard enough and are honest with yourself you can discover yours. Once you discover the pattern and understand why you have fallen into it, you can then change it. You can break out of it and create a new pattern. My pattern started because I had the need to feel wanted, the need to be needed and useful in someone else's life. What started out as a desire to help others, to make their lives easier, to help them overcome their obstacles and work through their issues and crisis's, would end up with me getting involved with them. Some might even call that a Florence Nightengale syndrome. You want to help and be a rescuer, you get a sense of joy and fulfillment out of helping others, it makes you feel like you are useful and worthy. You then start to identify those feelings with intimacy, and you start falling for those you are trying to help. Or at least that is what I did. I would then further talk to them explain to them how hurt I have been in the past, what I was afraid of, how people had stolen from me, taken from me and used me. By doing that and confiding in these individuals, I gave them all the information and ammunition they needed to do the same thing to me. Therefore, I ended up perpetuating this behavior over and over again. So I would be a savior, hero, protector, basically Captain-Save-A-Ho. Then I would get closer to the person I was trying to help, become intimate, reveal my entire life history to them, and open myself up to be a victim, then once it happened I would then become a martyr. This was a never ending cycle.
Being a drug addict didn't help the situation at all. As a matter of fact it opened me up to scores of people that always seemed to need help. I was in a financial situation where I could help them, get them drugs and help them get off the street. I didn't realize the destructiveness of my behavior. Nor while I was on the drugs could I see what was plain to everyone around me. That my relationship building skills were severely damaged. Once I realized that I was stuck in a destructive type of behavior, I started to change my pattern, got off the drugs, got a job, reevaluated my goals and moved away from my old group of friends. On top of that I enrolled in school to better myself and start a new chapter in my life. I also started writing my blog, to help others and put some distance between myself and others. I don't want to again confuse my need to help others with intimacy. I am more guarded with my life and who and what I allow in. I stay away from the drugs and those that do them and I am much happier that way.
Honestly, if you are not happy with your life, you have to do something to change it yourself, it doesn't come with a remote control. What this means is that you have to get up off your butt and make the changes because there isn't a little box that is going to make the changes for you. You have to put some effort into making the change or it just isn't going to happen. Change takes effort, time and energy! But trust me if I can do it you can too. Don't let others intimidate you or make you feel that you owe them something. Because you know what the only person you owe anything too is yourself. You owe it to yourself to protect yourself from hurt, pain or people that want to use and abuse you. You have to put yourself first and everyone else after that. Just like in my earlier blog, you can want to help someone, but if they aren't doing something to change themselves, and they are not demonstrating that they want to change, walk away. Because you can't force someone to change themselves. They have to want it. They have to make the effort, you cannot do that for them. Also if someone is demonstrating that they are continuing in their same pattern behavior and not trying to better themselves. Move on, they are stuck on Repeat and are going to stay there till they hit rock bottom. Once they hit rock bottom they are likely to want to make the necessary changes to move on with their life.
I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that are still out there waking up every morning turning to their dealer and asking for a wake up, then in the afternoon calling back looking for a pick me up. They go from place to place, party to party, friend to friend looking for their next hit or fix. These are the people that are stuck on repeat. Not making any effort to change their behavior or situation. The friend I was talking about in my last entry who asked me to help him out, is living on the street. Staying in hotels for a couple nights at a time before going back on to the street. He hustles, sells himself to make a buck and get his drugs. I was attracted to him, wanted to help him and get him off the street. I offered to buy him a bus ticket and bring him down to stay with me. At first he wanted to stay in Atlanta to spend time with his family for his birthday. He was supposed to get back with me on dates that he would be able to come. He never did, and then last night got mad at me when he asked me for help and I told him that I didn't have the money. He also threw it in my face that I hadn't bought the bus ticket yet, therefore I was a bullshitter.
The truth of the matter is that it was him and his inconsistency that caused me not to buy the ticket to come to Florida. Further, after our conversation last night I realized that what I had done, how I had confused my desire of wanting to help him and better his situation with feelings of caring. He used that against me by telling me that he cared about me and missed me. But his words and actions tell me otherwise. This is how I came to realize that it wasn't me that he wanted. He wanted what he thought that I could do for him. To him it didn't matter who it was, he cared about what others can do for him. Further, the more we talked the more it became evident that everything that he ever told me about how he cared for me and even told me that he loved me was a lie. He doesn't want to change his life or his situation, he wants to hustle others to get what he needs. He has no problem telling them what he thinks they want to hear. This is what he did to me, and when I offered to help him get off the streets all he wanted was for me to send him money. He even tried to tell me things about the person I am dating thinking that this would separate us and make it easier for him to get what he wanted out of me. Even now as I am writing this I am once again bemoaning what has happened to me. The difference this time, I have come to realize the pattern and now I am exposing it to the world and purging it from my system by writing this. I don't want you to think that I am making myself out to be a martyr, see I know what I have done, and realize it. I am explaining it to you so that you don't get caught up like I did.
Be wary of your patterns, learn them and if they are detrimental to yourself or others change them anyway you can. Just by making a minor deviation, you can totally change your pattern altogether. I hope that you take my experience and learn from it. If you find yourself in a similar situation you need to let them go, walk away and cut your losses.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
My parents were married and divorced from each other 4 times. They had terrible fights and never got along. All together my parents were together for 36 years, but I am not sure they ever knew what true love was. This pattern of behavior between my parents had affected my ability to find and nurture a successful relationship. Plus, the experiences I have had with my own long term relationships have affected my self-esteem and self-worth. Sometimes I wonder if that alone might the biggest factor in how I enter into relationships and how I react when I meet other people. See when my 12 1/2 year relationship finally came to an end, I had forgotten who I was. I somehow lost myself in the relationship, my sense of identity and fundamentally my drive and direction in life. I had also been told over and over again for 12 long years that I was fat, ugly, untalented and undesirable. I had heard it so much, that I began to believe it. Now, even though I weigh a hundred and thirty pounds I still see the fat person staring back at me from the mirror.
In order to keep myself from getting hurt, I met and dated people that I felt needed me, people who I thought I could help or rescue from themselves or the situations that they were in. I guess in some sort of way it made me feel good helping other people, that I was like a hero coming to their rescue, was helping them to better themselves. It made me feel useful and needed, and somewhere during our conversations, I would explain how others in my past had stolen from me or done me wrong. Thus giving them the ammunition and the information they needed to do exactly the same thing to me that others had done. What I did was sabotage myself and the relationship right from the beginning. Instead of protecting myself, I ended up giving away my weaknesses and vulnerability. Then I would wonder why I was hurt and used and left all over again, and why it seemed to keep happening to me. I used to think that men would see my kindness for weakness, but what was actually happening was I myself was giving others the ability to use me and take from me repeatedly.
What I am trying to tell you is that each of us follows our own pattern of behavior, and if you look hard enough and are honest with yourself you can discover yours. Once you discover the pattern and understand why you have fallen into it, you can then change it. You can break out of it and create a new pattern. My pattern started because I had the need to feel wanted, the need to be needed and useful in someone else's life. What started out as a desire to help others, to make their lives easier, to help them overcome their obstacles and work through their issues and crisis's, would end up with me getting involved with them. Some might even call that a Florence Nightengale syndrome. You want to help and be a rescuer, you get a sense of joy and fulfillment out of helping others, it makes you feel like you are useful and worthy. You then start to identify those feelings with intimacy, and you start falling for those you are trying to help. Or at least that is what I did. I would then further talk to them explain to them how hurt I have been in the past, what I was afraid of, how people had stolen from me, taken from me and used me. By doing that and confiding in these individuals, I gave them all the information and ammunition they needed to do the same thing to me. Therefore, I ended up perpetuating this behavior over and over again. So I would be a savior, hero, protector, basically Captain-Save-A-Ho. Then I would get closer to the person I was trying to help, become intimate, reveal my entire life history to them, and open myself up to be a victim, then once it happened I would then become a martyr. This was a never ending cycle.
Being a drug addict didn't help the situation at all. As a matter of fact it opened me up to scores of people that always seemed to need help. I was in a financial situation where I could help them, get them drugs and help them get off the street. I didn't realize the destructiveness of my behavior. Nor while I was on the drugs could I see what was plain to everyone around me. That my relationship building skills were severely damaged. Once I realized that I was stuck in a destructive type of behavior, I started to change my pattern, got off the drugs, got a job, reevaluated my goals and moved away from my old group of friends. On top of that I enrolled in school to better myself and start a new chapter in my life. I also started writing my blog, to help others and put some distance between myself and others. I don't want to again confuse my need to help others with intimacy. I am more guarded with my life and who and what I allow in. I stay away from the drugs and those that do them and I am much happier that way.
Honestly, if you are not happy with your life, you have to do something to change it yourself, it doesn't come with a remote control. What this means is that you have to get up off your butt and make the changes because there isn't a little box that is going to make the changes for you. You have to put some effort into making the change or it just isn't going to happen. Change takes effort, time and energy! But trust me if I can do it you can too. Don't let others intimidate you or make you feel that you owe them something. Because you know what the only person you owe anything too is yourself. You owe it to yourself to protect yourself from hurt, pain or people that want to use and abuse you. You have to put yourself first and everyone else after that. Just like in my earlier blog, you can want to help someone, but if they aren't doing something to change themselves, and they are not demonstrating that they want to change, walk away. Because you can't force someone to change themselves. They have to want it. They have to make the effort, you cannot do that for them. Also if someone is demonstrating that they are continuing in their same pattern behavior and not trying to better themselves. Move on, they are stuck on Repeat and are going to stay there till they hit rock bottom. Once they hit rock bottom they are likely to want to make the necessary changes to move on with their life.
I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that are still out there waking up every morning turning to their dealer and asking for a wake up, then in the afternoon calling back looking for a pick me up. They go from place to place, party to party, friend to friend looking for their next hit or fix. These are the people that are stuck on repeat. Not making any effort to change their behavior or situation. The friend I was talking about in my last entry who asked me to help him out, is living on the street. Staying in hotels for a couple nights at a time before going back on to the street. He hustles, sells himself to make a buck and get his drugs. I was attracted to him, wanted to help him and get him off the street. I offered to buy him a bus ticket and bring him down to stay with me. At first he wanted to stay in Atlanta to spend time with his family for his birthday. He was supposed to get back with me on dates that he would be able to come. He never did, and then last night got mad at me when he asked me for help and I told him that I didn't have the money. He also threw it in my face that I hadn't bought the bus ticket yet, therefore I was a bullshitter.
The truth of the matter is that it was him and his inconsistency that caused me not to buy the ticket to come to Florida. Further, after our conversation last night I realized that what I had done, how I had confused my desire of wanting to help him and better his situation with feelings of caring. He used that against me by telling me that he cared about me and missed me. But his words and actions tell me otherwise. This is how I came to realize that it wasn't me that he wanted. He wanted what he thought that I could do for him. To him it didn't matter who it was, he cared about what others can do for him. Further, the more we talked the more it became evident that everything that he ever told me about how he cared for me and even told me that he loved me was a lie. He doesn't want to change his life or his situation, he wants to hustle others to get what he needs. He has no problem telling them what he thinks they want to hear. This is what he did to me, and when I offered to help him get off the streets all he wanted was for me to send him money. He even tried to tell me things about the person I am dating thinking that this would separate us and make it easier for him to get what he wanted out of me. Even now as I am writing this I am once again bemoaning what has happened to me. The difference this time, I have come to realize the pattern and now I am exposing it to the world and purging it from my system by writing this. I don't want you to think that I am making myself out to be a martyr, see I know what I have done, and realize it. I am explaining it to you so that you don't get caught up like I did.
Be wary of your patterns, learn them and if they are detrimental to yourself or others change them anyway you can. Just by making a minor deviation, you can totally change your pattern altogether. I hope that you take my experience and learn from it. If you find yourself in a similar situation you need to let them go, walk away and cut your losses.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Have you ever been intimidated or scared by someone?
Depending on who you are I would say that each and everyone of us has been scared, intimidated, bullied by someone in our life. What did you do? Did you confront the person? Live with it? Or did you fight back in someway. The topic of bullying has been in the media so much lately, there are commercials, there are pro-athletes and movie stars, singers and common everyday people speaking out against bullying and encouraging each of us to do our part to put a stop to it.
Here is the problem with these media campaigns they all assume that someone is witnessing the event taking place. But what happens when you are all alone and you are caught by someone who is bullying you? How are you going to handle the immediate situation? What are you going to do?
Another problem is what exactly do we consider bullying? A bully uses intimidation, physical force, maybe emotional abuse and guilt to try and make another person do something or control them in some way. Bullying is unpredictable, you never know how the situation is going to turn out.
These are my thoughts on the matter: No matter what the situation is or how scared you are. You must keep moving, try not to say anything and if they want something, give it to them. My philosophy here is that retreat and personal safety are the better part of valor. Keep your head down, try not to speak back and make the situation worse. Once you are safely out of the situation you need to find the nearest adult or person in authority like a police officer, security guard, parking attendant, etc. You need to let someone know what has happened and give as much information as you can to what the situation was about. Now, in a dangerous situation you are going to be scared, you are going to panic, and you are going to want to get away from the situation as soon as possible. But remember the more information you can give the authorities the better the chance that they will be able to find the person and deal with the situation.
You might even be bullied in your relationship, it definitely is easy to loose your sense of self when you are in a relationship and it is easy for your partner to manipulate you and put you down, make you feel inferior, This is a form of emotional abuse and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Each of us deserves to be treated with love and respect. But what will you do if you are in a situation that you cannot seem to get out of. Your mate is abusive, bullying, and keeps you always down. You need to realize that this is happening to you and you need to find inside yourself the strength to get away from that person. You should remember that if this person is not helping you to get to the next station in your life, they are holding you back they are keeping you down, they really don't care about you, find help, confide in a friend, do something. Doing nothing just strengthens the other persons hold on you and keeps you from moving forward.
Ut is everyone's responsibility to speak out, let someone know what has happened or is happening. If we don't all do our part, how can we expect this issue to be resolved. Teachers and security guards cannot be everywhere, if you see something transpiring at school or on the street find someone of authority, strength is in numbers. Don't try to intervene yourself if you see that the situation could potentially become dangerous.
Many times if a person is bullying you it because you have something they want, or they are trying to impress someone or they are just compensating for some sort of abuse or they are trying to manipulate you into doing something that they want. If you can get a person talking and can find out what the situation is all about so much the better, but the idea is to not get hurt and not put yourself at risk. The authorities will have to investigate and find out what the root cause of the problem is.
If you are a bully, what is it that is causing you to lash out and hurt others. Why are you trying to make someone as miserable as yourself. If you are being abused at home or whatever your situation you need to let someone know what is going on. They can help you, get you help and stop the abuse. Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Try to understand that you are hurting someone, you are intimidating them, and embarrassing them. None of us like to feel threatened, scared, intimidated, embarrassed, humiliated. So treat others like you want to be treated. Remember that everything thing we do in this life has direct and severe consequences. Karma is a Biotch and is something that you don't want to have come at you in a negative fashion. Just remember that what comes around goes around. In either situation whether you are the victim or the bully. Whatever you give out will come back. If you talk about another person in a negative way you are actually cursing the person. Remember what I told you in my earlier post about the law of attraction? In the terms of metaphysic energy remember that like energy draws more of the same. Positive positive and negative negative. Now let me tell you something else that falls in the same category as the above law. In our physical world we are taught about the law of cause and effect.
Physics teach us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Using this law anything we say or do would put this law into motion. So if you think or speak something badly about a person you have actually cursed that person and put this law into full action. What you may not be aware of is this if you put out good into this law you will get three-fold back, but if you put negative or bad out there you get ten-fold back this is the law of cause and effect and karma coming back at you. So please be careful with what you do, what you think, how you act, react and treat others because you are going to reap what you sow, and what comes around goes around. Karma is an unforgiving mistress and will pay you back in kind when you are least expecting it.
So what have I been trying to tell you...Think before you act, curb your tongue, keep your head down, and if you are in a confrontational situation, do what you have to so you don't physically get hurt. As soon as you get clear of the situation, let someone know, do something, you don't want someone else having to go through what you just went through. Try to remember as much from the encounter as you can and pass that on to others.
Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, love one another, and smile...You will get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. If we could all live by this philosophy the world would be a much better and happier place.
As always...let me know what you think and get back to me...
Uncle B
Here is the problem with these media campaigns they all assume that someone is witnessing the event taking place. But what happens when you are all alone and you are caught by someone who is bullying you? How are you going to handle the immediate situation? What are you going to do?
Another problem is what exactly do we consider bullying? A bully uses intimidation, physical force, maybe emotional abuse and guilt to try and make another person do something or control them in some way. Bullying is unpredictable, you never know how the situation is going to turn out.
These are my thoughts on the matter: No matter what the situation is or how scared you are. You must keep moving, try not to say anything and if they want something, give it to them. My philosophy here is that retreat and personal safety are the better part of valor. Keep your head down, try not to speak back and make the situation worse. Once you are safely out of the situation you need to find the nearest adult or person in authority like a police officer, security guard, parking attendant, etc. You need to let someone know what has happened and give as much information as you can to what the situation was about. Now, in a dangerous situation you are going to be scared, you are going to panic, and you are going to want to get away from the situation as soon as possible. But remember the more information you can give the authorities the better the chance that they will be able to find the person and deal with the situation.
You might even be bullied in your relationship, it definitely is easy to loose your sense of self when you are in a relationship and it is easy for your partner to manipulate you and put you down, make you feel inferior, This is a form of emotional abuse and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Each of us deserves to be treated with love and respect. But what will you do if you are in a situation that you cannot seem to get out of. Your mate is abusive, bullying, and keeps you always down. You need to realize that this is happening to you and you need to find inside yourself the strength to get away from that person. You should remember that if this person is not helping you to get to the next station in your life, they are holding you back they are keeping you down, they really don't care about you, find help, confide in a friend, do something. Doing nothing just strengthens the other persons hold on you and keeps you from moving forward.
Ut is everyone's responsibility to speak out, let someone know what has happened or is happening. If we don't all do our part, how can we expect this issue to be resolved. Teachers and security guards cannot be everywhere, if you see something transpiring at school or on the street find someone of authority, strength is in numbers. Don't try to intervene yourself if you see that the situation could potentially become dangerous.
Many times if a person is bullying you it because you have something they want, or they are trying to impress someone or they are just compensating for some sort of abuse or they are trying to manipulate you into doing something that they want. If you can get a person talking and can find out what the situation is all about so much the better, but the idea is to not get hurt and not put yourself at risk. The authorities will have to investigate and find out what the root cause of the problem is.
If you are a bully, what is it that is causing you to lash out and hurt others. Why are you trying to make someone as miserable as yourself. If you are being abused at home or whatever your situation you need to let someone know what is going on. They can help you, get you help and stop the abuse. Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Try to understand that you are hurting someone, you are intimidating them, and embarrassing them. None of us like to feel threatened, scared, intimidated, embarrassed, humiliated. So treat others like you want to be treated. Remember that everything thing we do in this life has direct and severe consequences. Karma is a Biotch and is something that you don't want to have come at you in a negative fashion. Just remember that what comes around goes around. In either situation whether you are the victim or the bully. Whatever you give out will come back. If you talk about another person in a negative way you are actually cursing the person. Remember what I told you in my earlier post about the law of attraction? In the terms of metaphysic energy remember that like energy draws more of the same. Positive positive and negative negative. Now let me tell you something else that falls in the same category as the above law. In our physical world we are taught about the law of cause and effect.
Physics teach us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Using this law anything we say or do would put this law into motion. So if you think or speak something badly about a person you have actually cursed that person and put this law into full action. What you may not be aware of is this if you put out good into this law you will get three-fold back, but if you put negative or bad out there you get ten-fold back this is the law of cause and effect and karma coming back at you. So please be careful with what you do, what you think, how you act, react and treat others because you are going to reap what you sow, and what comes around goes around. Karma is an unforgiving mistress and will pay you back in kind when you are least expecting it.
So what have I been trying to tell you...Think before you act, curb your tongue, keep your head down, and if you are in a confrontational situation, do what you have to so you don't physically get hurt. As soon as you get clear of the situation, let someone know, do something, you don't want someone else having to go through what you just went through. Try to remember as much from the encounter as you can and pass that on to others.
Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, love one another, and smile...You will get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. If we could all live by this philosophy the world would be a much better and happier place.
As always...let me know what you think and get back to me...
Uncle B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)