I am sitting here tonight and I have dark thoughts running through my head. Earlier today I was reading about star that have gone out of our lives by suicide. Robin Williams was always someone that cheered me up and brightened my mood, no matter what he was performing in I was always interested. He is gone by his own hand and it got me to thinking about the tiny boxes that surround each and everyone of us. The boxes I am referring to are boxes we are placed in by others through stereotypes and labels. Yet, that is just one type of box, I look out my window and I see all the boxes others live in and these too interest me. But, no matter the type of box each one of them has a story hidden inside.
Most people never look behind the labels or stereotypes to see the person that is staring back at them, and in our own homes there is a drama all of our own that is also obscured and unseen. It is getting dark outside now and the light in each window are coming on and I wonder if the people behind them are thinking about me like I am sitting here thinking about them. I am not a solitary person, have never liked to be alone and have never experienced for any length of time being on my own and alone. My story intersects with a so many different lives that I sort of have a vicarious life through them. But these boxes hold secrets, tears, pain, fears, longings and so many other things that I cry out feeling for each one wondering who is in their life that is helping them deal with life and existence.
I have been categorized so many times in my life that I defy one specific stereotype, but yet I still feel isolated and alone. I sit here with my computer and reach out in to the night hoping that someone out there is in a better circumstance just because they know me. I wonder how many lives I have helped, changed, inspired or nurtured and might they remember me after I am gone. When I am left alone too long I start to fear that I haven't done enough, been enough or hear enough. I cry on the inside because I cringe and am afraid of myself and who I am.
So many people on Facebook and throughout my life have passed on through few have ever taken root and stayed for any length of time, and I wonder is it me? Could I have been more? done more? said more? felt more? I don't think I will ever know. I have been myself and that is all that anyone can ask for. Those few who have taken root and who are still around and in my life today our relationship has changed, we are scattered far apart and we only talk every once in a while maybe by phone, email, facebook or text, but it just isn't the same.
So as I write to you tonight I want you to think about the people around you that are at home in there tiny box, think about their story, their truth, because each and every light on in those windows has a person behind it and a story that is uniquely their own. Just like you and I have. I would encourage you to be a helper, companion, friend, someone others can talk to and depend on. I think if we can all do that and break down the walls that separate us the world will be a much happier and prettier place.
I don't want to die alone or feel like I am not cared for or loved, because I know that I am. But so are each of you. We have to get past those boxes, those walls that separate us and reach out to others, we are social creatures and we need others around us and in our lives, or at least I do. I am thinking about all of you tonight as I sit in my chair here in my home all alone and wonder what is you are doing while I am writing? I don't think anyone really ever wants to be alone or intends to be alone it just sort of happens and as we get older, it is hard for us to socialize and get around. Maybe take a trip to a nursing home and visit some of the folks shut in there. Each one of them has a history and a past, a story that they can share with you and trust me you will be better for hearing it and being a part of their life.
Bette Midler had a song called "Hello in There" and if you really listen to the song she is telling the story of how as people get older they are sometimes alone and forgotten, I don't want to be forgotten, and I definitely don't want to be alone, but I have no children of my own, and my brother is far away, and most of my friends are either in another state or another city and I don't get to see them much at all.
We need to take care of one another we are the only ones that can.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,