Sunday, May 20, 2012

What exactly is raw sex?

One of my good friends sent me a link to an article entitled "What exactly is raw sex? The article contends that raw sex is as follows: "purely physical, slightly rough, almost dangerous, gotta-have-you-now sex.  The kind where you morph into a sensual animal, leaving you incapable of thinking anything but satisfying your cravings.  It is extremely bonding because it re-affirms that you both still lust after each other."

Now I must admit that when I read the title of the article that isn't what first came to my mind.  Being a gay man, I think of raw sex as the act of having anal sex without the protection of a condom.  Further, being a member of the crystal community, I also think about sex parties, multiple partners and group sex while either shooting up or smoking all the while not using a condom.  Even though I am no longer doing drugs, these are the first thoughts that come into my mind.  Now, I do agree with the article that it is a bonding experience that is deeply personal to the individuals involved.  Yet, I think it needs to be expanded a bit more and a few other adjectives thrown in to complete the definition.

When I think about raw sex, I think of uninhibited sex between consenting partners, I also think of kink and other freak nasty acts that go into it, experimentation and exploring areas of the body and doing things never thought of before.  Many of the people that I hung around with and partied with would never consider using a condom because in their minds bare is better, and when high condoms inhibit mood.  Further, if you like to use silicon lubricants you quickly find out that latex condoms don't mix with it and you need to be extremely careful because the condom can actually stick inside of a person and cause problems if used with silicon lubes.

In the gay community there is an increasing number of t addicts and because of this fact there are countless bareback and raw sex parties that go on nightly.  Now, I am not advocating the use of t or meth, or crystal, whatever you want to call it.  As a matter of fact I would caution against it, it can be a devastating drug that seems non-addicting but I can honestly tell you, that you can stay off the stuff for a long period of time, however, when you can get it again you are easily swayed off the bandwagon and the allure of the drug is back in your life and you start all over again.

A word of caution here if you are in the party group and play with drugs, be sure to ask the appropriate questions because 9 times out of 10 the group of people that you are partying with and having bareback or raw sex are HIV + and they don't like to use condoms, so use your brain if you are not positive and don't want to be, then do everything you can to ensure you maintain your status.  Let the others know your status and don't let the moment of the high persuade you to let someone have sex with you without a condom, because it only takes once for you to contract HIV and or Hepatitis C or both.  I know I am speaking  from personal experience here.

Also fellows if you are positive please be responsible and let your partner know prior to having a sexual encounter with them so that they can make an informed and conscious decision.  Don't be selfish and take their free will away.  Do the right thing, because I can also tell you that if you don't you could be in some really deep crap, the consequence for sleeping with someone knowing that you are HIV + is now considered manslaughter and you could end up spending a great deal of time in jail just because you didn't want to disclose information and risk rejection.  It is better to be safe than sorry.

If you are in a committed and monogamous relationship and you have both been tested, I see nothing wrong with having unprotected sex if you both want to.  Since you know what you are doing and their are no hidden secrets it can only strengthen and enhance the feeling of sex.  So the choice is yours.  One last word of warning from me and then I will drop the subject.  If you play bareback then you must be prepared to face the consequences.  Further, if you have sex with someone and you don't use a condom you might as well consider yourself as having HIV, understand that you are playing Russian Roulette with your life.  So be responsible and think things through, be willing to face the results and accept the consequences of your actions.  Further, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get regularly and routinely tested for HIV, not only do you owe it to yourself but you owe it to your partner as well.

Becoming HIV is now no longer considered an immediate death sentence.  The CDC and HIV Counselors now consider it a 30 year death sentence. When HIV and AIDs came on the scene back in the 80's doctors and health officials didn't know what to do about it, drugs were hard and did as much or more damage to the body than the disease did.  Now we have available a whole range of drugs that keep the viral load undetectable and your T-Cell count close to the normal range.  I am telling you this not so you think that unprotected sex is okay or right, I believe it is a personal choice that each individual should have the right to make on their own if given all the details.  Further, I want you to think about the negative people out there and your responsibility to them.  I was given the disease without having a conscious choice.  But, in the same vein I need to take responsibility because if I hadn't been doing drugs by shooting up the needles wouldn't have gotten mixed up and I would be negative still today.

Please be responsible, think about yourself and the other person involved.  Act grown up and be prepared to face the consequences of your actions.  Be open and communicative with your partner, and  above all else be honest with yourself and it will be okay.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B