Wednesday, May 16, 2012

What to do when love is too complicated?

A friend of mine called me yesterday and we talked for hours about his relationship and his partner and the issues that are surrounding them.  It just seems like their relationship is just way too complicated.  So what do you do? This is a question that only you can answer, you can ask advice of friends, you can try to talk to your partner, but what I think you need is to do some self reflection within yourself and then analyze the relationship. You must be honest with yourself, acknowledge your weakness and downfalls, and I mean brutally honest, it won't help you to rationalize things.  When you analyze your relationship you need to try and divorce yourself from you feelings and try to look from the outside.  Because I will tell you that when you are in a relationship it is hard to see the problems and the issues, remember that sometime love is blind and it hides the imperfections.

What if you find out that everything your partner told you something it was untrue, and that there was a different side to them that you never knew and were unaware of, and they are always playing games and messing with your mind? Would you walk away? Stay? I cannot honestly tell you what you should do, but I know what I would do and how I would act.  See I am the type of person that doesn't care what you say about love, because I just keep coming back for more.  The only way we learn is through falling down and feeling pain.  So if someone I care about doesn't respect and care enough about you to tell you the truth then you have to realize the person you thought you knew is really a stranger. Then I would say that your relationship is complicated and you need to realize you cannot waste another moment, you have to worry about yourself.  Live your life like every second is the last one, and you to leave them behind and move on take a new direction and admit you were wrong and might have made a mistake. Especially when your partner starts switching up on you and you feel lost and alone.  No one is going to care about you and worry about you other than yourself.

I heard once that if you love someone you need to let them go, if it comes back to you then it was meant to be. But if you look in the mirror and you are disappointed and feel lacking and that you aren't where you expected to be.  Your situation keeps changing and you don't know if you are coming and going.  Gently say good bye and tell them you are through with them.  That they are still part of everything you do, you have them in your heart but you can't waste another moment of your life waiting and wondering on them.  It's time to move on and choose a new direction.

Of course it is going to hurt.  But they are always going to be a part of you, you loved them once or thought you did.  You spent time together and a part of them is inside of you and will always be. It is almost like they have been tatooed on your heart.  Only time can heal the pain, it is slow at first but every day gets a little easier to bear.  I believe that you need to have a relationship based on respect, and trust and from that love will grow.  If you don't have this foundation you are doomed to fail.  Yet, in your analyzing of your relationship you find that you and your partner aren't fighting about yourselves but because of others around you, I think you might need to change your setting and situation.  Do not let outside interference cause your relationship to fissure and crack.  But, again totally honest with yourself and your partner is the only way to really see these things.

So what is it that I am trying to tell you? Basically if you can't believe what your partner tells you, or they keep switching up the game on you, or if you feel they don't respect you then it is time to through up your hands into the air like you don't care and walk away.  A relationship, once again, is an agreement between two individuals that have come together in order to build something and benefit each other in some way.  Take the time to be honest with yourself, observe your feelings and don't be afraid to let them be known.  If your partner doesn't respond in kind then you must let him go and see if he returns. Be strong and know that you might be alone right now because the right person that you are waiting for is actually out there somewhere waiting for you.  The time might not be right for the both of you be together, patience is the key.

As always my thoughts and hopes are with you,

Uncle B