Monday, October 30, 2017

Under the weather

HiSometimes you just don't feel well no matter what you do. In the past two months I have spent quite a bit of time in the hospital and even today I am feeling like I should probably be back in the hospital. I cannot swallow food it all seems to get stuck in my throat and I can't seem to swallow anything.

On top of all of this I have an intestinal blockage and I am I am great deal of pain. I just don't know how long I can go o feeling like this all the time. I just know that the journey that I am on it has just begun. If I can't eat or process food fully then maybe there will be that the doctors can do to ease what I am going through.

It is so hard everyday struggling to eat and feel better about myself when all I feel is pain. Nothing goes down easy and even if it does, it doesn't process properly and gets stuck in my bowel track.  I hope that this situation is short lived and I can move on from there.

I will be finding out if I have cancer once again in the next day or two. I will also be calling about the back brace that the VA is supposed to be having made for me which should help with some of the pain. Anyhow, I will let you know as things progress further.

Just know that right now I am in between places to live and staying in an extended stay hotel in Daytona, hoping that something in my situation will change.  Each day is a struggle there are forces in my life that are pulling me down. I have no idea where to turn at this point.

I guess it is time, I was hoping that something else would change but the current course that things have been going I have to make a decision about my future. For too long I have let everything and everyone go. I am scared of tomorrow but honestly over the past few months I have been trying to make a positive change in my life and yet everything seems to be working against me.

Well, I have this weekend to really evaluate my situation both personal and living. From here it is one hard decision after another. What I do know is that no matter what choices I make are going to have far reaching effects. Not only are they going affect my life but those around me.   I don't know where the future is going to lead but I do know that tomorrow is unwritten and will unfold as fate and destiny have planned.

All I know is that I wish that I had my health and stamina. But of course things never really go as we as mortal humans plan.

As always you are in my hopes and dreams.

Uncle B

Friday, October 27, 2017

Hard times

It's funny how things come and go through our lives and how many of those things we take for granted. Recently, I lost my freedom for a short time due to a decision I made despite knowing that my actions were wrong and illegal.  My decision to help someone else ended up having long reaching effects on my life that I am still feeling today.  It is sad that a simple choice has led to such long reaching  effects on my life and those around me.

I'm here to tell you that if you have second thoughts about doing something,  listen to yourself and don't do it. Because you may not even see all of the consequences your actions might result in.  I could not have known that cashing a check for a friend would pull me in to an investigation of a buglary, robbery, a forgery, as well as grand theft. Which eventually led me to going to jail for 60 days. But, that was just the beginning of the consequences of that one action, there were other unforseen consequences that resulted from that one event. Consequences and fallout that I am still dealing with today. Now to give you an idea of how long I have been dealing with this action. I cashed the check for my friend back in January of 2017 and here we are heading into November and I think that I can honestly say that I will still be dealing with the fallout way into January of 2018 unless by some miracle my situation changes or I end up taking my friends offer and moving away from here in order to save money.

Once I was arrested my landlord's nephew decided to empty out the house that I had rented, threw away all of my belongings and personal stuff that I had in the house. Now, here I am 2 1/2 months later literally homeless and virtually on the street. After being illegally evicted from the house, and being locked up in jail. I get out at the end of August with nowhere to go, no medical supplies and absolutely no medication. I could not have known that a hurricane was going to hit Florida and that my being without my medication that many days was going to land me in the hospital for 14 days in intensive care. Nor did I know that social security was going to stop my check. All of these things are a direct result of my decision to cash that one check which I didn't even get any cash from.

I literally had to go through the month of September and three weeks of October before I could get social security to issue me a check. But, not only not having any money or a place to stay was the end of the fallout that one event was to cause. Still trying to be true to my ideals and beliefs I still tried to help out another person who was struggling just as much as I was.  The result of that led to me getting robbed and losing everything that I had with me when I went to jail and the few things I was able to acquire with my father's help when I got out of jail.  When I got robbed my debit card was taken by the person who robbed me and now the credit union will not issue me a new debit card because you are only allowed 7 in a lifetime.  This just further complicates things for me going forward, because my social security check is direct deposited into that account monthly and in order for me to get that money out of the bank I literally have to go into the branch and physically withdrawal the funds from a teller.  Can you see what I mean when I talk to you about the far-reaching effects that one action had on my life? Can you also see how even now I am still dealing with the fallout from that single event?

I can't say that everything has turned out for the bad, like getting out of that house on Spruce and North Street. That living situation was bad and I could see absolutely no way of getting out of it. So that in itself may yet turn out to be a blessing, because had I not been arrested who is to say that I would not still be stuck in that living situation and that something worse could have happened to me. Because, with all the traffic going through that house and all the attention the police were beginning to show in it, I could be in prison or dead at this point.

Just keep in mind that sometimes our actions can have far ranging effects that we might not be able to see at the time we are doing it. Look at how 10 months later I am still feeling and dealing with the aftermath of cashing that one check.  Some of the consequences I knew were coming but being on the street for months and dealing with my health and how hard it is to get my feet back underneath me were things I never thought of.  Luckily, I have a very good friend who has reached out to me and told me that I can come and stay with him save up some money to rebuild everything that I have lost.

Because the weather has gotten cooler and I am currently in an extended stay hotel room that isn't too terribly bad I haven't rushed in to accepting my friends offer. I have no warm clothes, including no long pants or jeans.  So I am wondering how I could move to North Florida without at least some of the things that I am lacking right now.

After going through all of this, I am more cautious about making decisions and I try to see how many of the far reaching effects my decisions will have on myself and those around me that are affected by any decision I may make. So when you start second guessing yourself and you feel in your heart that you should avoid doing. It may be your subconscious is trying to warn you of trouble that you have yet to identify might be looming just beyond sight.

Hard times can come out of nowhere with very little warning, but they could also come as the direct result of an action you committed or even the fallout that you couldn't have seen from doing that action. You just need to keep your head up and keep going things will get better. You may have to work hard to get back on your feet but once you do you will have a greater appreciation for everything you have worked hard to rebuild and a broader understanding of the cause and effect each of your actions have on yourself and those around you.

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers,

Uncle B