Sunday, May 24, 2015

Sleepless night

I am attempting to write this with my cell phone so please bear(IDK) with me.  A lot has been going on in my life and some major changes are in the works.  Back in February I did some foolish things and ended up getting really sick for a little while. Luckily I had met someone who would turn out to be not only a good friend, but a person I can depend on and learn from.

Please understand and for those of you who have been reading my blog faithfully will know this already about me.  I have a great deal of book smarts, but in the world that only gets you so far.  For 40 plus years I have been ruled by my heart and my emotions.  I tried to please everyone, and I wanted to save every soul that was in need.  For the most part I was able to live that way because I had partners that  either didn't understand or really didn't care.

Over the years I was able to help a lot of people. Some of which are greatful and are successful today because of the help that I gave them others took what they could and went back to their old ways.  Of course, I am saddened by their decision, but in the end it was what they decided to make of it.  Now, there was a certain set of criterea that I followed, I wanted to the help those that were doing something to help themselves, most of the time they either had to have a job or were in school.  We would set milestones and goals that were realistic and attainable.  It worked out for the most part, yet I was pulled in many different directions and it seemed like I was always stepping out on a limb for someone.  I took time to help everyone else, but I never stopped to take care of myself.  I have been characterized by my grandmother and Angel on Earth and for quite a few people I have been.  To others I was just a means to an end, someone that was foolish enough to believe what they were selling and pretty much getting taken advantage of.

Do you know why I started this blog and what it's purpose was suppose to be? I started this blog in 2012 when I was really sick and had to have multiple bowel surgeries and then I broke my leg and I was laid up in bed for nearly 8 full months.  So as a way of trying to continue to help people I put my life out there for the world to see, all the good the bad, the ugly and the unvarnished truth.  Some people hated how much of my life I shared with you, others took solace knowing that there was someone out there that was going through or had gone through something similiar to their own situation.  So for several years now I have been chronicallying my life, but I have been giving real examples of how to overcome adversity, deal with health issues, disabilities, limitations, and most of all how to change your perspective and look at a situation objectively from all different angles.

I am proud that I have been able to help and reach so many people with my blog, and that my life and crisises that I have been through and endured have been an inspiration to many and have seen some of you through some really dark times.  I thank you for all the emails and letters that I have recieved and the encouragement that some of you have given me.  You cannot understand the overwhelming feeling I get when someone writes too me and tells me how my entry that day seemed to be speaking right too them and that it was written just so they could understand it perfectly.  But here is the secret I write to purge my soul of a thought or situation that has been bothering me, but it is God that is speaking through my word or better yet those are the words that God allowed my hands to write and maybe it was written just for you or maybe it was written  because that message needed to go out.  Whatever the reason I write what I feel and about what is on my mind or what I am going through.

Here we are again, rambling along and you are probably wondering what I was trying to say.  So, I guess I better get back on track and try to tie these threads of thought together so that you see clearly the picture I was trying to get too from the beginning.  Let me jump in right here, I was talking about book smarts, and was heading towards the fact that I have just a little street smarts, but common sense I either lack totally or I have become so used to letting my feelings and heart over rule it that it doesn't exist and I get myself into situation after situation, problem after problem, and I am still running trying to save everyone and guess what I have once again forgotten about myself, my needs, my wants and my desires.  But, as I have been telling you 2015 is a year of change and change has come to me and it started in February like I told you at the begining, it is all because of one person.  He is very shy and doesn't like to be mentioned or talked about, and absolutely hates talking about his feelings.  What I can say is this, he has taken some sort of interest in me and saw how quite a few people were taking advantage of me.  They were abusing me with their words and deeds and I was just oblivious too it.  Now here is the part that blows my mind he is half my age and then some, and here I am learning from him.

Now up until this point it has always been very difficult for me to say "NO" and when I have been backed into a corner and pressured I would cave in.  Well, I have finally 2 people in my life who constantly remind me that it is okay to say NO and mean it.  It is okay to want and do stuff for myself and that I owe no one and explanation for my decision.  All that needs to be expressed is the decision and that is all.  Boy it is hard for me, and a HUGE, GREAT, TITANIC change in my lifestyle that it is taking everyone by surprise, and yet those that matter like family and true friends are finally saying it is about damn time.

So bringing all the threads of this conversation together the purpose of this blog was to reach out and help people just like myself that were going through things and giving them real world answers and solutions.  I have used my life and my story as examples.  This is how I am going to save people now, this is how i am going to help others.  Why am I telling you all of this? Well some of you are used to asking directly for help or money, or it could be a ride that you need or a slew of other things.  But change is upon us! I know I have said it before, however this time you better believe I am sincere and this is taking place for real "Captain Save a Ho " is dead.  I cannot come to your rescue because you made a bad choice, I am not going to reach out and save you everytime you screw up and make everything alright.  I have done all of that for years and all it did was enable you to continue doing the things you are doing and putting myself into a routine and pattern that was just taken granted of.

If you need something or want me to do something for you, you need to come out and ask me.  Stop assuming that I am just going to be there or that I am going to.  I don't like feeling like I am expected to do something for you, because the truth is I am just doing you a favor, and you better understand that and respect it.  No more demands, I am taking my time, engergy and most of the time gas to help you out.  Understand that and be gracious.


I have a set of criteria that I am measuring all my friends too and if they don't measure up I am cutting them loose, becasue they are just holding me back.  See if you think my criteria is on point :   A true friend is someone that puts your best interest up front, who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not.  Is a person that will defend you and stand up for your when you are not around.  Is a person that has your back even when you mess things up royally. Who nurses you when you are sick. Helps you put the peices of your life back together when you are devestated.  They lift you up when you are down. They will listen and offer their advice and their opinion.  Learn to consider both.

As always, my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Saturday, May 23, 2015

My internet is out

Due to financial difficulties my internet is down for a few weeks. Please bare with this temporary interruption.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Act your age not your shoe size

It has been a couple of weeks since I was actually able to write in you. So much stuff has happened in my life that I am truly amazed.  I wanted to write to you tonight to talk to you about acting out, showing off in front of others.  The reason why this topic has come to mind is because one of my nephews showed up with his new girlfriend and wanted to stay at my place.  I knew right from the start that it was going to be a disaster.  Unfortunately I was right.  While they were here they ate everything in the house, and of course a lot of things turned up missing.

Now, anyone that knows me knows that if you ask me for something I will do my best to make sure that you can have it.  Most of the things that were missing, once they had left was mainly electronic stuff, like a cell phone, a  blue tooth watch that would allow me to interact with my cell phone as well as a few other items.  While all of this was going on my best friend from Atlanta was staying with me and already the space was tight.  I have a one bedroom one bath apartment.  So needless to say it was extremely crowded and tensions were already flying high because I was trying to figure out where my stuff was going. To top it off I had started talking to someone that I felt I could make a long lasting relationship with.   Around that time my friend was looking for a place to stay.  He sent me the question in a text message.

Never did I think that I would be in another relationship so soon.  I know that Kerry had been gone for over year, and every once in a while I miss him.  I miss the plans that we had made together, especially the morning walks.  If you have gotten this far in reading this entry, you might be wondering what everything I have talked to you about has to deal with the title.  I am so glad that you asked me that because up until this point I was just filling in the background so that you can understand the journey that I have been on since February.

What does act your age and not your shoe size have to do with anything? I will certainly tell you what I have figured out.  It doesn't matter race or gender or gay or straight, it has to do with stepping up and being responsible and accountable for your actions. Most of the people who know me, know that I hang out with people a lot younger than me and because of that I have a unique insight into why people want to act out, get loud and angry. Or better yet put their hands on a pregnant girl.  I have found that most of the 20 somethings that I hang out with have an attitude and they act like someone owes them something.  Further, they have absolutely no patience whatsoever, they want what they want and they want it now.  Most of them get mad or angry when things don't happen immediately.  I will touch on this subject again in just in a little bit.

Now when I talk about acting your age and not your shoe size is because I have noticed that most of the 20 somethings are still acting like they are still in high school. Most of them don't show any signs of common sense.  Let alone street smarts, meaning that they wouldnt know how to survive if they were thrown out on the street to fend for themselves.  Sometimes you will run across an old soul these are people that dont act their age but a lot older.  I have been fortunate the person that I met acts way older than their age, he is very kind and considerate and when I was deathly ill he took very good care of me.

On the flip side, I have a friend that got a  girl pregnant and he will not step up to the plate and take care of her. The poor girl was working full time until her 8th month when her job told her that she needed to go ahead and start her maternity leave. Still the guy doesnt get it.  He would rather do himself and waste all his money on drugs and stupid stuff instead of getting stuff for the baby which could come at any time now. I have tried talking too him and so has my partner but nothing seems to sink in.

We all can act childish and foolish from time to time,  but there are so many people out there that refuse to take responsibity and own up to the things that they do.  These are the people that I am talking about. Life is one big party for them, and they travel in a certain social circle until they have exhausted every bridge and person they come in contact with.

Life is way too short to just party your life away. I run into people every day that just want to party and waste their life away.  Like I told my friend tonight he was talking about getting some crack and smoking that, and I tried to explain to him how if he starts with that one 10 dollar hit he would be back getting more in just a few minutes later. No matter how much talking I do, I realize that the ultimately only he can make the choice to quit and move on with his life or end up loosing his wife and kid.

I was recently told that the 40s are the new 30s and the new 20s are the 30s if this logic and reasoning is true that would explain a lot in how people act and react.  I have a tendancy to call anyone under thirty a twelve year old.  The reason being is because most of them act exactly like the line describes.  It is unfortunate that a person has to search their whole life to find someone mature enough to date.  which I think is the key to this whole entry.  Maturity level is what this entry is all about.  See some people can be mature enough to go out drinking and partying, but when it comes to responsibilities and errands they lack the motivation as well as the necessary skill set to accomplish the tasks presented to them.

I am never amazed when I see someone in their 20s trying to showboat and make out that they are tougher than they really are.  But here is the thing that i want you to know and be aware of, you are going to have to get through their persona, and see the real person for who they are.  You might just find yourself going through a slew of people till find one that respects and cares for you as much as you care and feel for them.  Whenever you meet a new person you are going to have to take the time to get to know the person, because as you know we all put on our best face when we meet someone new.  You have to be able to get to know the person that is hiding behind the mask that they have on.  This is what I call the honeymoon period, because every one puts their best efforts forward when they first meet someone but over time that mask wears thin and they become more comfortable around you and you begin to see the person that was completely hidden by the mask that they were wearing.

It is after the honeymoon period has come to an end and you are beginning to see the person who has been hiding, when you will discover how mature that person really is.  See during the honeymoon period when the mask is firmly in place it is hard to tell what the person is really like. They are acting and telling you exactly what they think you want to hear.  But once the period ends you will begin to see the person for who and what they are.  As I told you before maturity is the sign post at which you need to guage the person you are seeing. You need to find someone that is compatible with you on and emotional level.  Age is not really a factor when it comes right down to it, because when your spirit talks to another on an emotional and spiritual level you are going to finally feel complete.  Souls talk to souls by the vibrations that they put out. In an earlier entry i talk to you about resonating frequencies and how like frequencies can blend in harmony with each other, and that is exactly what happens when two souls commune with one another.

I can only hope and wish that you find a soul that you resonate with, that the person you find respects you and loves you as much as you love them.  Because I have a time or two found myself loving another more than they loved me and the relationship ended horribly.  Do yourself a favor and get to know the other person, wait for their mask to start to slip because then is when you are actually going to meet the real person for the first time.  You may find that you have a lot in common or you may find yourself wondering why you took the time to get to know the person if it was just going to turn out in heart break.  I have heard so many people say that they dont date friends because they dont want to mess up their friendship.  i say to you that a relationship that is not based on friendship is doomed to failure from the very star.  You need to be patient and take the time to get to know another person, wait for them to remove their mask.

Only you can decide if the person your are talking too is a kindred spirit,  or if they are just a person who you can have a long lasting friendship with.  Every one of us puts on our best face when we meet a new person, and each of us goes through a period where we try to impress the other person, this stage is called the honeymoon stage and after that period ends the person that remains is the real person that you need to get to know.  It is unfortunate, but sometimes it takes getting to know another person several times before you get to the real person, who is behind that mask that they have put on.

Remember that we each need to act our age and not our shoe size, we need to demonstrate through our actions and deeds that we are genuine and sincere.  Age is just a number and really doesnt have a direct bearing on a realtionship but maturity does.  So, if someone is acting immature and doesnt meet up with your personal maturity and comfort level you need to let them go and keep searching because sooner or later you are going to run into that one soul that talks to you on its own level.  Remember that like souls vibrate and oscillate in harmony.

One more thing that you need to keep in mind is that wisdom doesnt necessarily come with age. Wisdom is knowledge that is gained by age and circumstance.  You can be old and not wise, but you can not really be wise without age.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B