Words can have multiple meanings, teachings can have multiple interpretations, problems can have multiple solutions, you can't judge someone by their looks alone. We can become so enamored by someone's outward appearance that we totally miss what is just below the surface. As a race we tend to judge one another by the morals and standards we have developed for ourselves and what we perceive to be the teaching of our church or our parents. But you have to keep in mind there can be more than one interpretation on how to do things or live right.
Many times when two people come together they have to reconcile their beliefs with one another. Take a look the picture from a different point of view, even if two people, such as twins were born, their experiences would be totally different. No two individuals will experience situations in exactly the same way, even though they are raised the same each person takes away something different from each encounter they have. Even if they meet the same people, eat the same foods and are brought up the same exact way. Each person copes differently, has different coping mechanisms and their view point becomes skewed by these things. Remember, each of us creates filters from which we view life through, filters are the way in which we look at life with. You can think of filters like contact lenses or glasses that you look out upon the world through. Each and everyone of us experience things differently therefore the way we view and do things are going to be different. Keep in mind that even shared experiences are going to be viewed and reacted too differently by the individuals that share them even if they were raised exactly the same way.
I talked about little about this in another blog entry when I spoke about how two people in a relationship can have totally different views on how something they experienced together can be so radically different. This is one reason that when police interview witnesses of a crime can have varying stories about what occurred during an investigation. They have to look for commonalities in the individual stories to come up with a whole picture that can explain an event or incident. Now, if you think about it and apply this logic to a relationship it might actually help you to tolerate your partner doing something a different way than you would actually do it. Remember that there are many ways a task can be accomplished and that not everyone is going to do it the way you would. You have to be flexible and accept how other people do things, because there is no single right way or wrong way to do things.
Another example that I can give you is this, the face you see in public is probably not the same face you see in private. I know a couple extremely well and if you were to see them out at a restaurant or walking down the street you might well think that they are the perfect couple, you see them together and they seem so happy and content with each other. You really are convinced that they were meant to be together. Which in my friends case they are meant to be together and compliment each other well. However, again things are not always as they seem. This couple has it's share of fights and arguements and not as happy as the outward face they display when they go out into public. Another way to look at this is that all outward appearances are masks that we wear out into public, and while that is on you cannot see the truth that lies just beneath the surface. Another example I can give you is when people look at me they think that they are looking at a person that isn't handicapped but they would be wrong, you cannot draw conclusions or assumptions just by looking at things. Remember that what you see is not always what you are getting.
Just because something looks normal and acts like nothing is wrong, you have no idea what another person is going through. Humans are good at hiding their problems, emotions and feelings and hide them away. They truly don't want other people to know that they are gong through something or are in pain, but again not all things are as they seem. There are always things that you cannot see that lie just below the surface. Just like an ice berg the tip is all that is seen, it is what is hidden underneath that can cause the most damage. When you get to know another person you can sometimes see behind the mask that they are hiding behind. If you get to konw me well you will begin to realize that I wake up in pain every morning. Some days are worse than others, but no one outside of my house would ever know what I am feeling or going through because of the happy up beat face that I put on when i leave my house. For that matter no one has a clue that I have a colostomy bag, because you cannot see it at all while I am dressed.
The whole point that I am trying to express to you is that you cannot look at someone or something and know what is really going on with them. You can also never know what a person is really thinking and feeling. The only one that truly knows what they are going through and feeling is the person that is going through it. What is on the outside doesn' t necessarily let you know what is going on in the inside. People are going through as much drama and turmoil just like you are. Keep that in mind as you meet and hangout with people. Remember that there is more than one way to accomplish a task, there is no right or wrong way to do something. Be open minded and sensitive toward others so that you can get to know them and see what is under their mask. Know this no matter what you are going through in your life there is someone out there that is going through something just as bad as you are or worse. Life is a learning and growing experience. No one is perfect and we all have room for improvement and growth.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label Masks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Masks. Show all posts
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Act your age not your shoe size
It has been a couple of weeks since I was actually able to write in you. So much stuff has happened in my life that I am truly amazed. I wanted to write to you tonight to talk to you about acting out, showing off in front of others. The reason why this topic has come to mind is because one of my nephews showed up with his new girlfriend and wanted to stay at my place. I knew right from the start that it was going to be a disaster. Unfortunately I was right. While they were here they ate everything in the house, and of course a lot of things turned up missing.
Now, anyone that knows me knows that if you ask me for something I will do my best to make sure that you can have it. Most of the things that were missing, once they had left was mainly electronic stuff, like a cell phone, a blue tooth watch that would allow me to interact with my cell phone as well as a few other items. While all of this was going on my best friend from Atlanta was staying with me and already the space was tight. I have a one bedroom one bath apartment. So needless to say it was extremely crowded and tensions were already flying high because I was trying to figure out where my stuff was going. To top it off I had started talking to someone that I felt I could make a long lasting relationship with. Around that time my friend was looking for a place to stay. He sent me the question in a text message.
Never did I think that I would be in another relationship so soon. I know that Kerry had been gone for over year, and every once in a while I miss him. I miss the plans that we had made together, especially the morning walks. If you have gotten this far in reading this entry, you might be wondering what everything I have talked to you about has to deal with the title. I am so glad that you asked me that because up until this point I was just filling in the background so that you can understand the journey that I have been on since February.
What does act your age and not your shoe size have to do with anything? I will certainly tell you what I have figured out. It doesn't matter race or gender or gay or straight, it has to do with stepping up and being responsible and accountable for your actions. Most of the people who know me, know that I hang out with people a lot younger than me and because of that I have a unique insight into why people want to act out, get loud and angry. Or better yet put their hands on a pregnant girl. I have found that most of the 20 somethings that I hang out with have an attitude and they act like someone owes them something. Further, they have absolutely no patience whatsoever, they want what they want and they want it now. Most of them get mad or angry when things don't happen immediately. I will touch on this subject again in just in a little bit.
Now when I talk about acting your age and not your shoe size is because I have noticed that most of the 20 somethings are still acting like they are still in high school. Most of them don't show any signs of common sense. Let alone street smarts, meaning that they wouldnt know how to survive if they were thrown out on the street to fend for themselves. Sometimes you will run across an old soul these are people that dont act their age but a lot older. I have been fortunate the person that I met acts way older than their age, he is very kind and considerate and when I was deathly ill he took very good care of me.
On the flip side, I have a friend that got a girl pregnant and he will not step up to the plate and take care of her. The poor girl was working full time until her 8th month when her job told her that she needed to go ahead and start her maternity leave. Still the guy doesnt get it. He would rather do himself and waste all his money on drugs and stupid stuff instead of getting stuff for the baby which could come at any time now. I have tried talking too him and so has my partner but nothing seems to sink in.
We all can act childish and foolish from time to time, but there are so many people out there that refuse to take responsibity and own up to the things that they do. These are the people that I am talking about. Life is one big party for them, and they travel in a certain social circle until they have exhausted every bridge and person they come in contact with.
Life is way too short to just party your life away. I run into people every day that just want to party and waste their life away. Like I told my friend tonight he was talking about getting some crack and smoking that, and I tried to explain to him how if he starts with that one 10 dollar hit he would be back getting more in just a few minutes later. No matter how much talking I do, I realize that the ultimately only he can make the choice to quit and move on with his life or end up loosing his wife and kid.
I was recently told that the 40s are the new 30s and the new 20s are the 30s if this logic and reasoning is true that would explain a lot in how people act and react. I have a tendancy to call anyone under thirty a twelve year old. The reason being is because most of them act exactly like the line describes. It is unfortunate that a person has to search their whole life to find someone mature enough to date. which I think is the key to this whole entry. Maturity level is what this entry is all about. See some people can be mature enough to go out drinking and partying, but when it comes to responsibilities and errands they lack the motivation as well as the necessary skill set to accomplish the tasks presented to them.
I am never amazed when I see someone in their 20s trying to showboat and make out that they are tougher than they really are. But here is the thing that i want you to know and be aware of, you are going to have to get through their persona, and see the real person for who they are. You might just find yourself going through a slew of people till find one that respects and cares for you as much as you care and feel for them. Whenever you meet a new person you are going to have to take the time to get to know the person, because as you know we all put on our best face when we meet someone new. You have to be able to get to know the person that is hiding behind the mask that they have on. This is what I call the honeymoon period, because every one puts their best efforts forward when they first meet someone but over time that mask wears thin and they become more comfortable around you and you begin to see the person that was completely hidden by the mask that they were wearing.
It is after the honeymoon period has come to an end and you are beginning to see the person who has been hiding, when you will discover how mature that person really is. See during the honeymoon period when the mask is firmly in place it is hard to tell what the person is really like. They are acting and telling you exactly what they think you want to hear. But once the period ends you will begin to see the person for who and what they are. As I told you before maturity is the sign post at which you need to guage the person you are seeing. You need to find someone that is compatible with you on and emotional level. Age is not really a factor when it comes right down to it, because when your spirit talks to another on an emotional and spiritual level you are going to finally feel complete. Souls talk to souls by the vibrations that they put out. In an earlier entry i talk to you about resonating frequencies and how like frequencies can blend in harmony with each other, and that is exactly what happens when two souls commune with one another.
I can only hope and wish that you find a soul that you resonate with, that the person you find respects you and loves you as much as you love them. Because I have a time or two found myself loving another more than they loved me and the relationship ended horribly. Do yourself a favor and get to know the other person, wait for their mask to start to slip because then is when you are actually going to meet the real person for the first time. You may find that you have a lot in common or you may find yourself wondering why you took the time to get to know the person if it was just going to turn out in heart break. I have heard so many people say that they dont date friends because they dont want to mess up their friendship. i say to you that a relationship that is not based on friendship is doomed to failure from the very star. You need to be patient and take the time to get to know another person, wait for them to remove their mask.
Only you can decide if the person your are talking too is a kindred spirit, or if they are just a person who you can have a long lasting friendship with. Every one of us puts on our best face when we meet a new person, and each of us goes through a period where we try to impress the other person, this stage is called the honeymoon stage and after that period ends the person that remains is the real person that you need to get to know. It is unfortunate, but sometimes it takes getting to know another person several times before you get to the real person, who is behind that mask that they have put on.
Remember that we each need to act our age and not our shoe size, we need to demonstrate through our actions and deeds that we are genuine and sincere. Age is just a number and really doesnt have a direct bearing on a realtionship but maturity does. So, if someone is acting immature and doesnt meet up with your personal maturity and comfort level you need to let them go and keep searching because sooner or later you are going to run into that one soul that talks to you on its own level. Remember that like souls vibrate and oscillate in harmony.
One more thing that you need to keep in mind is that wisdom doesnt necessarily come with age. Wisdom is knowledge that is gained by age and circumstance. You can be old and not wise, but you can not really be wise without age.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Now, anyone that knows me knows that if you ask me for something I will do my best to make sure that you can have it. Most of the things that were missing, once they had left was mainly electronic stuff, like a cell phone, a blue tooth watch that would allow me to interact with my cell phone as well as a few other items. While all of this was going on my best friend from Atlanta was staying with me and already the space was tight. I have a one bedroom one bath apartment. So needless to say it was extremely crowded and tensions were already flying high because I was trying to figure out where my stuff was going. To top it off I had started talking to someone that I felt I could make a long lasting relationship with. Around that time my friend was looking for a place to stay. He sent me the question in a text message.
Never did I think that I would be in another relationship so soon. I know that Kerry had been gone for over year, and every once in a while I miss him. I miss the plans that we had made together, especially the morning walks. If you have gotten this far in reading this entry, you might be wondering what everything I have talked to you about has to deal with the title. I am so glad that you asked me that because up until this point I was just filling in the background so that you can understand the journey that I have been on since February.
What does act your age and not your shoe size have to do with anything? I will certainly tell you what I have figured out. It doesn't matter race or gender or gay or straight, it has to do with stepping up and being responsible and accountable for your actions. Most of the people who know me, know that I hang out with people a lot younger than me and because of that I have a unique insight into why people want to act out, get loud and angry. Or better yet put their hands on a pregnant girl. I have found that most of the 20 somethings that I hang out with have an attitude and they act like someone owes them something. Further, they have absolutely no patience whatsoever, they want what they want and they want it now. Most of them get mad or angry when things don't happen immediately. I will touch on this subject again in just in a little bit.
Now when I talk about acting your age and not your shoe size is because I have noticed that most of the 20 somethings are still acting like they are still in high school. Most of them don't show any signs of common sense. Let alone street smarts, meaning that they wouldnt know how to survive if they were thrown out on the street to fend for themselves. Sometimes you will run across an old soul these are people that dont act their age but a lot older. I have been fortunate the person that I met acts way older than their age, he is very kind and considerate and when I was deathly ill he took very good care of me.
On the flip side, I have a friend that got a girl pregnant and he will not step up to the plate and take care of her. The poor girl was working full time until her 8th month when her job told her that she needed to go ahead and start her maternity leave. Still the guy doesnt get it. He would rather do himself and waste all his money on drugs and stupid stuff instead of getting stuff for the baby which could come at any time now. I have tried talking too him and so has my partner but nothing seems to sink in.
We all can act childish and foolish from time to time, but there are so many people out there that refuse to take responsibity and own up to the things that they do. These are the people that I am talking about. Life is one big party for them, and they travel in a certain social circle until they have exhausted every bridge and person they come in contact with.
Life is way too short to just party your life away. I run into people every day that just want to party and waste their life away. Like I told my friend tonight he was talking about getting some crack and smoking that, and I tried to explain to him how if he starts with that one 10 dollar hit he would be back getting more in just a few minutes later. No matter how much talking I do, I realize that the ultimately only he can make the choice to quit and move on with his life or end up loosing his wife and kid.
I was recently told that the 40s are the new 30s and the new 20s are the 30s if this logic and reasoning is true that would explain a lot in how people act and react. I have a tendancy to call anyone under thirty a twelve year old. The reason being is because most of them act exactly like the line describes. It is unfortunate that a person has to search their whole life to find someone mature enough to date. which I think is the key to this whole entry. Maturity level is what this entry is all about. See some people can be mature enough to go out drinking and partying, but when it comes to responsibilities and errands they lack the motivation as well as the necessary skill set to accomplish the tasks presented to them.
I am never amazed when I see someone in their 20s trying to showboat and make out that they are tougher than they really are. But here is the thing that i want you to know and be aware of, you are going to have to get through their persona, and see the real person for who they are. You might just find yourself going through a slew of people till find one that respects and cares for you as much as you care and feel for them. Whenever you meet a new person you are going to have to take the time to get to know the person, because as you know we all put on our best face when we meet someone new. You have to be able to get to know the person that is hiding behind the mask that they have on. This is what I call the honeymoon period, because every one puts their best efforts forward when they first meet someone but over time that mask wears thin and they become more comfortable around you and you begin to see the person that was completely hidden by the mask that they were wearing.
It is after the honeymoon period has come to an end and you are beginning to see the person who has been hiding, when you will discover how mature that person really is. See during the honeymoon period when the mask is firmly in place it is hard to tell what the person is really like. They are acting and telling you exactly what they think you want to hear. But once the period ends you will begin to see the person for who and what they are. As I told you before maturity is the sign post at which you need to guage the person you are seeing. You need to find someone that is compatible with you on and emotional level. Age is not really a factor when it comes right down to it, because when your spirit talks to another on an emotional and spiritual level you are going to finally feel complete. Souls talk to souls by the vibrations that they put out. In an earlier entry i talk to you about resonating frequencies and how like frequencies can blend in harmony with each other, and that is exactly what happens when two souls commune with one another.
I can only hope and wish that you find a soul that you resonate with, that the person you find respects you and loves you as much as you love them. Because I have a time or two found myself loving another more than they loved me and the relationship ended horribly. Do yourself a favor and get to know the other person, wait for their mask to start to slip because then is when you are actually going to meet the real person for the first time. You may find that you have a lot in common or you may find yourself wondering why you took the time to get to know the person if it was just going to turn out in heart break. I have heard so many people say that they dont date friends because they dont want to mess up their friendship. i say to you that a relationship that is not based on friendship is doomed to failure from the very star. You need to be patient and take the time to get to know another person, wait for them to remove their mask.
Only you can decide if the person your are talking too is a kindred spirit, or if they are just a person who you can have a long lasting friendship with. Every one of us puts on our best face when we meet a new person, and each of us goes through a period where we try to impress the other person, this stage is called the honeymoon stage and after that period ends the person that remains is the real person that you need to get to know. It is unfortunate, but sometimes it takes getting to know another person several times before you get to the real person, who is behind that mask that they have put on.
Remember that we each need to act our age and not our shoe size, we need to demonstrate through our actions and deeds that we are genuine and sincere. Age is just a number and really doesnt have a direct bearing on a realtionship but maturity does. So, if someone is acting immature and doesnt meet up with your personal maturity and comfort level you need to let them go and keep searching because sooner or later you are going to run into that one soul that talks to you on its own level. Remember that like souls vibrate and oscillate in harmony.
One more thing that you need to keep in mind is that wisdom doesnt necessarily come with age. Wisdom is knowledge that is gained by age and circumstance. You can be old and not wise, but you can not really be wise without age.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Open a new window via technology of today.
In a world that has grown so cold and impersonal it is funny how we go about making friends these days. When I was young we met new people at school, the library, roller rink, and other events which required us to meet that person directly face to face and in person. Today, with the advent of computers and the evolution of software to create social media has changed the world in many ways. One of which is how we meet and interact with people. With the internet and then social media barriers and borders were crossed and people started to communicate with people all across the world. No longer did it actually matter where you lived physically you could and do meet them virtually.
There are all sorts of dating sites and sites designed for you to meet other people casually and there are also sites and applications that let you meet someone looking for a hook up. But, how do you know if you like the person, how can you be sure that the idea of the person you have in your head is actually the person you are talking to? See, I believe that each of us creates and image of the person in our heads, we base our image on what their profile says, the pictures that are posted, what they have posted and if you have taken the step to communicate with them directly either over the phone or via video chat.
What happens when you are ready to take that step and meet them socially out in public, face to face? Is it possible to truly get to know someone on line? Maybe, but here is my concern about this growing new way of meeting people. Last night I was talking to you about how to build trust and make a firm foundation for your relationship or friendship, but what do you really know about the cyber person you have been talking to? Is that really a current picture of him? Has he been telling you the truth about himself or has he just been telling you stuff that he thinks you want to hear? Remember you have put yourself on line, you have created a profile and told people about yourself. What happens when that person is less than truthful and has taken your information off your profile and uses it to make you believe that they are the perfect match for you?
I was reminded just yesterday that this world can be a very dangerous place and there are people out there that have no moral code or ethics. They have no conscience and have the potential to hurt you, and possibly even kill you. Several years ago there was a killer that was preying on women on Craigslist, he would entice these women to meet him and he would kill them. They appropriately name him the Craigslist killer. My point to all of this is to remind you that not everyone is truthful, not everyone has your best interest at heart. There are people out there that prey on the perceived weaknesses of others.
I am not saying that the person you are talking too is any of those things. However, I want you to be careful, use your head and some common sense before running off to someone's house or hotel. Make sure that someone knows where you are going, and who you are going to see. That way God forbid something were to happen to you, the person you told can do something about it if you are gone to long or don't call in at a certain time. They will know that you are in trouble and can send some help.
With the internet came bulletin boards where you could post ads like you would in the classified section of the news paper. I actually met, Joe, a person I was with for 12 1/2 years via a bulletin board back in 1996 and we moved to Atlanta together in February of 1997.
But I was cautious when I met him. He was staying out at Lake Buena Vista, right outside of Disney World in Orlando. The first time I went to see him I had invited my best friend John along. John did show up but I had already gone into the hotel and went up to his room. However, I was on my cellphone with John telling him everything in case something went wrong. Nothing did and I found out that we really were attracted to each other. John showed up about 45 minutes later and we all went out to dinner and had a good time. Joe ended up coming back to Florida 3 more times after that, and I met up with him every time he came. Eventually he invited me to come to Atlanta and see what it was like. I immediately fell in love with the city and before you knew it I was packing a U-haul truck and moving up there full time. Joe moved into the apartment with me and within 6 months we put a down payment on a house and we moved into it together. My dream was coming true.
But the times have changed and the way we communicate has changed drastically from then. Back in the late 90's cell phones were still pretty big and we had pagers, and someone would page us and we would return the call. Back then there was no such thing as unlimited talk, text and web. Really there was no web back then either. You dialed up directly to a bulletin board or you used AOL which was an early precursor to Facebook. Today, everyone is texting , calling, snap chatting, video messaging and using Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Because of these new forms of communication we have a new type of relationship that has been born. It is the virtual relationship or friendship. However, somethings get lost in translation. You cannot tell someone's mood or attitude in a text message or instant message. You can't physically see the person or their body language you can just see the plain old text on the screen.
I have found myself getting hurt by text messages from time to time, but then I think back about how I really don't know what context the person is talking from, I cannot tell if they are having a bad day or that they are pissed off at me, or whatever the situation maybe. Text messages are void of emotion, and you must take them exactly that way. At least when you are talking to someone on the phone you can hear the emotions in their voice and you pretty much can gather and tell how they are feeling during your conversation. I know I have touched on this subject before, but it was quite a while ago, and it has been on my heart to talk about it again, and this time get a little more in-depth with it.
Let us assume that you have not met this person yet, you are still building your cyber or virtual friendship and you are trying to get to know each other a little better. You may have even started talking to them on the phone. You are beginning to think that you are really into this person. They are matching up with all the bullet points of what you are looking for, they have a beautiful voice and great pictures to show you what they look like. Something happens inside of you, you start to build a mental picture of this person, you start to give it the attributes that your virtual friend is displaying and eventually you come up with a model or a mental image of what the person is supposed to be like. But what happens when and if you do actually get to meet the person face to face. 9 times out of 10 the image you have created for the person is inaccurate. Because of this you might feel a bit of disappointment or it could go the other way that the person exceeded your image of them and turned out to be so cool that you wanted to learn everything about them and explore every inch of them and their personality.
You may be asking yourself why am I going on about this. For several reasons actually, I feel that the traditional venues of meeting people has taken a back seat and virtual communication and dating has become the norm in today's society. One of my concerns is that every year a million people in the United States alone go missing. Then there is the lack of human interaction, actually getting to know a person, their moods, the tone and timber or their voice. You miss out on the body language, and if you have started living with this person or even just hanging out and doing things together, the vernier or mask that the person is wearing tends to come off and you catch a glimpse of the person inside. Let's face it we all put on a mask when we meet someone for the first time. We are on our best behavior, we dress nicely and we try to make the first impression a good one. But, when the honeymoon period is over, and you start to see the real person who is lurking behind the mask it might be too late to get the hell out of dodge. Plus there is the real physical risk that when you go to meet this cyber friend that they may not be anything like what you had thought and they have come to hurt you, rob you or even kill you.
There are some crazy messed up people in the world and you have to think of your own safety and well being, if you don't no body else will either. Protect yourself, never meet someone by yourself, be prepared for anything. I have been luckier than most, I have met some really cool people on line that I like to socialize with and hangout with them. Then there have been some that had misrepresented themselves either in their profile or their pictures. So I end up leaving hurt and upset. Because my ideal of the person (image) has been shattered by reality and they weren't anything like I had expected. Then there is the rare breed of people that are just who they are, they don't try to impress you, they are just being themselves, and those are the types of people I like to be around. Without the physical interaction of two people how can there be chemistry, how can a person really tell if the person they have met on line is really into them? The other person can tell you anything and you can take it at face value or you can analyse it and pull it apart and try to figure it out. But the truth of the matter we are social beings and we need to have human contact and interaction.
I do believe that one good thing comes out of a cyber relationship, it is a mental connection, a mental attraction, and if the person truly is being just themselves, then you are going to find a relationship that has some potential to grow. It might be difficult because both of you have preconceived notions about each other due to your online profiles and conversations. You are going to find most times that those image totally don't fit. You have to start over with the traditional method of getting to know someone. You have to go out on dates, get to know one another and explore each other, feel each other out and seriously get to know one another. Keep in mind what I told you about trust just last night. You have to give it to receive it, and it has be cultivated and built by both of you being 100 % honest with each other. Trust is a big issue in relationships, and it is critical to maintain a successful relationship. Trust me when I tell you that if you trust your partner and know that they are standing strong with you and that you have each others backs. Your relationship will be able to withstand anything that is thrown at it.
Be careful where you go, tell someone who you are going to meet and where. Be sure to have your cell phone with you in case you have to make an emergency call. Don't automatically trust everyone because there are people out there that are just looking for a way in to rob you, steal your identity or just drain you dry. I do try to look for the good in people, but I have trust issues, it is hard for me to let someone get close to me, it is even harder for me to trust them. I honestly believe that has kept me alive all these years, because I tell you in my 20's and 30's I didn't hesitate to run out and meet someone to have sex with in the middle of the night. I don't know how many times in my life that I could have been killed I thank God daily for protecting me with His angels and for giving me the wisdom to write stuff like this that might even save one persons life.
Please check out my other entry on this subject it is called Technology brings us closer together. It can be found in my 2012 postings.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
There are all sorts of dating sites and sites designed for you to meet other people casually and there are also sites and applications that let you meet someone looking for a hook up. But, how do you know if you like the person, how can you be sure that the idea of the person you have in your head is actually the person you are talking to? See, I believe that each of us creates and image of the person in our heads, we base our image on what their profile says, the pictures that are posted, what they have posted and if you have taken the step to communicate with them directly either over the phone or via video chat.
What happens when you are ready to take that step and meet them socially out in public, face to face? Is it possible to truly get to know someone on line? Maybe, but here is my concern about this growing new way of meeting people. Last night I was talking to you about how to build trust and make a firm foundation for your relationship or friendship, but what do you really know about the cyber person you have been talking to? Is that really a current picture of him? Has he been telling you the truth about himself or has he just been telling you stuff that he thinks you want to hear? Remember you have put yourself on line, you have created a profile and told people about yourself. What happens when that person is less than truthful and has taken your information off your profile and uses it to make you believe that they are the perfect match for you?
I was reminded just yesterday that this world can be a very dangerous place and there are people out there that have no moral code or ethics. They have no conscience and have the potential to hurt you, and possibly even kill you. Several years ago there was a killer that was preying on women on Craigslist, he would entice these women to meet him and he would kill them. They appropriately name him the Craigslist killer. My point to all of this is to remind you that not everyone is truthful, not everyone has your best interest at heart. There are people out there that prey on the perceived weaknesses of others.
I am not saying that the person you are talking too is any of those things. However, I want you to be careful, use your head and some common sense before running off to someone's house or hotel. Make sure that someone knows where you are going, and who you are going to see. That way God forbid something were to happen to you, the person you told can do something about it if you are gone to long or don't call in at a certain time. They will know that you are in trouble and can send some help.
With the internet came bulletin boards where you could post ads like you would in the classified section of the news paper. I actually met, Joe, a person I was with for 12 1/2 years via a bulletin board back in 1996 and we moved to Atlanta together in February of 1997.
But I was cautious when I met him. He was staying out at Lake Buena Vista, right outside of Disney World in Orlando. The first time I went to see him I had invited my best friend John along. John did show up but I had already gone into the hotel and went up to his room. However, I was on my cellphone with John telling him everything in case something went wrong. Nothing did and I found out that we really were attracted to each other. John showed up about 45 minutes later and we all went out to dinner and had a good time. Joe ended up coming back to Florida 3 more times after that, and I met up with him every time he came. Eventually he invited me to come to Atlanta and see what it was like. I immediately fell in love with the city and before you knew it I was packing a U-haul truck and moving up there full time. Joe moved into the apartment with me and within 6 months we put a down payment on a house and we moved into it together. My dream was coming true.
But the times have changed and the way we communicate has changed drastically from then. Back in the late 90's cell phones were still pretty big and we had pagers, and someone would page us and we would return the call. Back then there was no such thing as unlimited talk, text and web. Really there was no web back then either. You dialed up directly to a bulletin board or you used AOL which was an early precursor to Facebook. Today, everyone is texting , calling, snap chatting, video messaging and using Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Because of these new forms of communication we have a new type of relationship that has been born. It is the virtual relationship or friendship. However, somethings get lost in translation. You cannot tell someone's mood or attitude in a text message or instant message. You can't physically see the person or their body language you can just see the plain old text on the screen.
I have found myself getting hurt by text messages from time to time, but then I think back about how I really don't know what context the person is talking from, I cannot tell if they are having a bad day or that they are pissed off at me, or whatever the situation maybe. Text messages are void of emotion, and you must take them exactly that way. At least when you are talking to someone on the phone you can hear the emotions in their voice and you pretty much can gather and tell how they are feeling during your conversation. I know I have touched on this subject before, but it was quite a while ago, and it has been on my heart to talk about it again, and this time get a little more in-depth with it.
Let us assume that you have not met this person yet, you are still building your cyber or virtual friendship and you are trying to get to know each other a little better. You may have even started talking to them on the phone. You are beginning to think that you are really into this person. They are matching up with all the bullet points of what you are looking for, they have a beautiful voice and great pictures to show you what they look like. Something happens inside of you, you start to build a mental picture of this person, you start to give it the attributes that your virtual friend is displaying and eventually you come up with a model or a mental image of what the person is supposed to be like. But what happens when and if you do actually get to meet the person face to face. 9 times out of 10 the image you have created for the person is inaccurate. Because of this you might feel a bit of disappointment or it could go the other way that the person exceeded your image of them and turned out to be so cool that you wanted to learn everything about them and explore every inch of them and their personality.
You may be asking yourself why am I going on about this. For several reasons actually, I feel that the traditional venues of meeting people has taken a back seat and virtual communication and dating has become the norm in today's society. One of my concerns is that every year a million people in the United States alone go missing. Then there is the lack of human interaction, actually getting to know a person, their moods, the tone and timber or their voice. You miss out on the body language, and if you have started living with this person or even just hanging out and doing things together, the vernier or mask that the person is wearing tends to come off and you catch a glimpse of the person inside. Let's face it we all put on a mask when we meet someone for the first time. We are on our best behavior, we dress nicely and we try to make the first impression a good one. But, when the honeymoon period is over, and you start to see the real person who is lurking behind the mask it might be too late to get the hell out of dodge. Plus there is the real physical risk that when you go to meet this cyber friend that they may not be anything like what you had thought and they have come to hurt you, rob you or even kill you.
There are some crazy messed up people in the world and you have to think of your own safety and well being, if you don't no body else will either. Protect yourself, never meet someone by yourself, be prepared for anything. I have been luckier than most, I have met some really cool people on line that I like to socialize with and hangout with them. Then there have been some that had misrepresented themselves either in their profile or their pictures. So I end up leaving hurt and upset. Because my ideal of the person (image) has been shattered by reality and they weren't anything like I had expected. Then there is the rare breed of people that are just who they are, they don't try to impress you, they are just being themselves, and those are the types of people I like to be around. Without the physical interaction of two people how can there be chemistry, how can a person really tell if the person they have met on line is really into them? The other person can tell you anything and you can take it at face value or you can analyse it and pull it apart and try to figure it out. But the truth of the matter we are social beings and we need to have human contact and interaction.
I do believe that one good thing comes out of a cyber relationship, it is a mental connection, a mental attraction, and if the person truly is being just themselves, then you are going to find a relationship that has some potential to grow. It might be difficult because both of you have preconceived notions about each other due to your online profiles and conversations. You are going to find most times that those image totally don't fit. You have to start over with the traditional method of getting to know someone. You have to go out on dates, get to know one another and explore each other, feel each other out and seriously get to know one another. Keep in mind what I told you about trust just last night. You have to give it to receive it, and it has be cultivated and built by both of you being 100 % honest with each other. Trust is a big issue in relationships, and it is critical to maintain a successful relationship. Trust me when I tell you that if you trust your partner and know that they are standing strong with you and that you have each others backs. Your relationship will be able to withstand anything that is thrown at it.
Be careful where you go, tell someone who you are going to meet and where. Be sure to have your cell phone with you in case you have to make an emergency call. Don't automatically trust everyone because there are people out there that are just looking for a way in to rob you, steal your identity or just drain you dry. I do try to look for the good in people, but I have trust issues, it is hard for me to let someone get close to me, it is even harder for me to trust them. I honestly believe that has kept me alive all these years, because I tell you in my 20's and 30's I didn't hesitate to run out and meet someone to have sex with in the middle of the night. I don't know how many times in my life that I could have been killed I thank God daily for protecting me with His angels and for giving me the wisdom to write stuff like this that might even save one persons life.
Please check out my other entry on this subject it is called Technology brings us closer together. It can be found in my 2012 postings.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Suicide, Myths and Facts revealed!
Several months ago a friend of mine and I started the Plus Suicide Project on Google +. We created it in response to the increasing number of teen suicides that we saw occurring in the LBGT teen community. However, I felt that I didn't have enough information at my command to deal with this situation in the appropriate manner. Last night I attend a training seminar that is designed toward suicide prevention and make us the first line of defense in the fight against it. The program is designed to train Gatekeepers, these are compassionate, caring individuals that are trained to develop the knowledge, attitude and skills to identify people at risk for suicide. They are trained to manage a crisis situation and get the individual help and assistance as needed. After going through the course I wanted to share some of the information that I learned from it with you. I think it is important to cover the facts about suicide and explore the myths and misconceptions that individuals have about suicide.
If we want to be able to make a difference in peoples lives and help them when they are in crisis, we need to have a firm understanding about what suicide is and what we can do to help the individual that is going through it at every point. Like they say to be forewarned is to be forearmed and it is my hope that the information that is provided here will give you a strong foundation to understand that suicide is a real threat. That it can come from any corner and hit anyone. Depression and a feeling of isolation and not belonging are some of the key factors that lead a person to consider and even try suicide. But let's explore the facts first.
Did you know in the United States one person commits suicide every 17 minutes? I bet you didn't. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in youths ages 15-24 and the 2nd cause of death for ages 25-34. There are 764,000 suicide attempts each year, and that the elderly have the highest rate of suicide. One out of every 100,000 elderly people commit suicide each day. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. Whatever your beliefs about suicide they are irrelevant, suicide is real and seems like it is the only option left to these people. Most really don't want to die, but cannot see any other alternative and they are just wanting their pain to stop. More people that are contemplating suicide are more comfortable speaking with a clergy member or other member of their church than they are of talking to a mental health professional for a number of reasons, one of which is that it doesn't cost anything, and that they think that a member of their church or even their pastor is part of their family and is there to listen an help them. However, most clergy members and church family is not prepared and doesn't know what to do when in a crisis situation. It is important to be compassionate, caring and a good listener, and never ever leave the person in crisis alone.
So what are some facts and myths that you should be aware of when dealing with a person that is in crisis. Myth: If you ask someone about his/her suicidal intent, you may encourage the idea of completing suicide. Fact: Talking about or asking about suicide will not cause a person to kill himself and will in fact lower their anxiety level and act as a deterrent to suicidal behavior. Myth: Suicide happens without warning and people who talk about killing themselves rarely complete suicide. Fact: Most people who commit suicide have reached out and have given warning clues either verbal or otherwise of their intentions. 80% of those that did commit suicide left definite warning signs of their intent. Fact: Talking about suicide can be a plea for help, not an attempt to manipulate. Fact: Most of those that have committed suicide have spent a lot of time thinking and planning their death in great detail. Myth: If a person is contemplating suicide and asks you not to tell anyone it is important not to break that trust given too you. Fact: When dealing with a suicidal person, you should never ever pledge to keep their confidentiality. The person needs to be followed up on and probably should be referred to help for further assistance. You probably should get a trained professional involved so that they can provide appropriate resources to help the person.
Another myth is that Suicide is more common in people from a higher socioeconomic status. Fact: statistics clearly show there is no typical victim, suicide can happen to anyone from any economical group. Another myth is: A person who has lost a close family member to suicide has a lower risk of suicide because they have learned the pain it causes. Fact: Research has actually shown that a family history of suicide is a significant risk factor and survivors are SIX times as likely to die by suicide than the general public. Myth: You can tell by looking at someone that they may be more likely to commit suicide. Fact: There is no way a person can determine by look alone if a person is likely to commit suicide. There can be no sign of depression, a person can be smiling and bubbly on the outside but still be totally shattered and broken on the inside.
We have become so adapt in wearing our outside masks that we can keep almost anyone in the dark as to our moods and feelings hidden behind. Keep this firmly in mind you cannot look at a person and tell what they are thinking, nor can you tell what they are thinking about suicide. Communication is the key in dealing with situations like this, just like I have pointed out in several posts. Communication and the ability to listen are extremely important in dealing with everyone. You need to really pay attention to what someone is telling you and listen for key words that might indicate that they are thinking about suicide. Compassionate listening and demonstrating that you are sincere in your concerns for another person may just be enough to save another persons life. I have told you before that casual conversation can lead you to many unfamiliar and unexpected places, and this one of them. You never know who might be reaching out to you for help, you have to be paying attention and be a conscientious listener.
So who do you think should have the responsibility of identifying people who may be suicidal or at risk of committing suicide? Do you think it should be the pastor, counselors or mental health professionals? The truth of the matter a person who is thinking about suicide may not have any interaction with one of these professionals, and you are the only one they have. You maybe the only person they are willing to be open and talk with about what they are going through, so it needs to be your responsibility to get them help, so you need to know how to recognize the signs of personal crisis and potential suicide. It is always better to be safe than sorry. Keep in mind that people on drugs or alcohol who are talking about suicide are probably considering it. Remember that drugs and alcohol have a tendency to induce depression and can act to remove inhibitions that would normally prevent a person from contemplating suicide. Research suggest that 20-50% of individuals who have committed suicide have had an alcohol or drug problem. Keep in mind that unless you know the whole story everyone has the potential for suicide there are some factors that make a person more at risk than others, but we will get into that in another article.
What I want you to understand from this is that suicide is a big deal, these statistics that I have been reading show that suicide occurs almost double the homicide rate. Yet we hear more about the homicides than we ever do about the suicides. Bullying, rejection, pain, loss, humiliation and a million other factors can drive someone toward suicide. Be open, receptive and responsive to the needs and concerns of others, be aware of their words, and listen for their cries for help. You will hear them, you will know in your heart that something is off. Talk to them, get them to open up to you and offer them kindness, compassion and help.
Remember that a person who commits suicide leaves behind them 6 people that are suffering and in pain because of their loss. No one is immune to depression, anxiety, fear, and the pile up of emotional baggage that can pull a person under to the point where they feel they are trapped and have no way out.
I hope this opened your eyes a little, there is a silent world out there where people are just disappearing in to the night, lost and alone begging for help to end their pain and suffering. All we have to do is listen and we might be the one that saves another persons life through just a simple act of kindness and caring. Everything is possible.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
If we want to be able to make a difference in peoples lives and help them when they are in crisis, we need to have a firm understanding about what suicide is and what we can do to help the individual that is going through it at every point. Like they say to be forewarned is to be forearmed and it is my hope that the information that is provided here will give you a strong foundation to understand that suicide is a real threat. That it can come from any corner and hit anyone. Depression and a feeling of isolation and not belonging are some of the key factors that lead a person to consider and even try suicide. But let's explore the facts first.
Did you know in the United States one person commits suicide every 17 minutes? I bet you didn't. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in youths ages 15-24 and the 2nd cause of death for ages 25-34. There are 764,000 suicide attempts each year, and that the elderly have the highest rate of suicide. One out of every 100,000 elderly people commit suicide each day. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. Whatever your beliefs about suicide they are irrelevant, suicide is real and seems like it is the only option left to these people. Most really don't want to die, but cannot see any other alternative and they are just wanting their pain to stop. More people that are contemplating suicide are more comfortable speaking with a clergy member or other member of their church than they are of talking to a mental health professional for a number of reasons, one of which is that it doesn't cost anything, and that they think that a member of their church or even their pastor is part of their family and is there to listen an help them. However, most clergy members and church family is not prepared and doesn't know what to do when in a crisis situation. It is important to be compassionate, caring and a good listener, and never ever leave the person in crisis alone.
So what are some facts and myths that you should be aware of when dealing with a person that is in crisis. Myth: If you ask someone about his/her suicidal intent, you may encourage the idea of completing suicide. Fact: Talking about or asking about suicide will not cause a person to kill himself and will in fact lower their anxiety level and act as a deterrent to suicidal behavior. Myth: Suicide happens without warning and people who talk about killing themselves rarely complete suicide. Fact: Most people who commit suicide have reached out and have given warning clues either verbal or otherwise of their intentions. 80% of those that did commit suicide left definite warning signs of their intent. Fact: Talking about suicide can be a plea for help, not an attempt to manipulate. Fact: Most of those that have committed suicide have spent a lot of time thinking and planning their death in great detail. Myth: If a person is contemplating suicide and asks you not to tell anyone it is important not to break that trust given too you. Fact: When dealing with a suicidal person, you should never ever pledge to keep their confidentiality. The person needs to be followed up on and probably should be referred to help for further assistance. You probably should get a trained professional involved so that they can provide appropriate resources to help the person.
Another myth is that Suicide is more common in people from a higher socioeconomic status. Fact: statistics clearly show there is no typical victim, suicide can happen to anyone from any economical group. Another myth is: A person who has lost a close family member to suicide has a lower risk of suicide because they have learned the pain it causes. Fact: Research has actually shown that a family history of suicide is a significant risk factor and survivors are SIX times as likely to die by suicide than the general public. Myth: You can tell by looking at someone that they may be more likely to commit suicide. Fact: There is no way a person can determine by look alone if a person is likely to commit suicide. There can be no sign of depression, a person can be smiling and bubbly on the outside but still be totally shattered and broken on the inside.
We have become so adapt in wearing our outside masks that we can keep almost anyone in the dark as to our moods and feelings hidden behind. Keep this firmly in mind you cannot look at a person and tell what they are thinking, nor can you tell what they are thinking about suicide. Communication is the key in dealing with situations like this, just like I have pointed out in several posts. Communication and the ability to listen are extremely important in dealing with everyone. You need to really pay attention to what someone is telling you and listen for key words that might indicate that they are thinking about suicide. Compassionate listening and demonstrating that you are sincere in your concerns for another person may just be enough to save another persons life. I have told you before that casual conversation can lead you to many unfamiliar and unexpected places, and this one of them. You never know who might be reaching out to you for help, you have to be paying attention and be a conscientious listener.
So who do you think should have the responsibility of identifying people who may be suicidal or at risk of committing suicide? Do you think it should be the pastor, counselors or mental health professionals? The truth of the matter a person who is thinking about suicide may not have any interaction with one of these professionals, and you are the only one they have. You maybe the only person they are willing to be open and talk with about what they are going through, so it needs to be your responsibility to get them help, so you need to know how to recognize the signs of personal crisis and potential suicide. It is always better to be safe than sorry. Keep in mind that people on drugs or alcohol who are talking about suicide are probably considering it. Remember that drugs and alcohol have a tendency to induce depression and can act to remove inhibitions that would normally prevent a person from contemplating suicide. Research suggest that 20-50% of individuals who have committed suicide have had an alcohol or drug problem. Keep in mind that unless you know the whole story everyone has the potential for suicide there are some factors that make a person more at risk than others, but we will get into that in another article.
What I want you to understand from this is that suicide is a big deal, these statistics that I have been reading show that suicide occurs almost double the homicide rate. Yet we hear more about the homicides than we ever do about the suicides. Bullying, rejection, pain, loss, humiliation and a million other factors can drive someone toward suicide. Be open, receptive and responsive to the needs and concerns of others, be aware of their words, and listen for their cries for help. You will hear them, you will know in your heart that something is off. Talk to them, get them to open up to you and offer them kindness, compassion and help.
Remember that a person who commits suicide leaves behind them 6 people that are suffering and in pain because of their loss. No one is immune to depression, anxiety, fear, and the pile up of emotional baggage that can pull a person under to the point where they feel they are trapped and have no way out.
I hope this opened your eyes a little, there is a silent world out there where people are just disappearing in to the night, lost and alone begging for help to end their pain and suffering. All we have to do is listen and we might be the one that saves another persons life through just a simple act of kindness and caring. Everything is possible.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Friday, April 27, 2012
Do you ever wonder why people seem to change over time?
When you meet someone new have you ever noticed that they seem to change, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot over time? It is something that I have encountered time after time, with almost all of my friendships and relationships. How do you approach every new encounter with a person? Do you approach each as a long lasting friendship or do you look for something else?
I will tell you that I approach each encounter with the conscious thought that I am building a life long relationship that is going to stand up to the length of time. I have friends from middle school that I still talk to to this day, I have friends from the Navy, College and beyond. But, with each and everyone I have had to overcome the masks that they present to the world. Everyone of us do this to some extent or another. This is the face that we wear out in public, it is what the world see first. These masks help us feel secure and only show the portion of ourselves that we want others to see.
Now, by me saying this I am not saying that this is a bad thing. It isn't, it is our coping mechanism with the world at large. However, when you start to get to know a person truly, you begin to see the real person behind the facade that they present to the world. In order for the relationship to stand up to the rigors of time, we must not only reveal our true selves to the other, but we must come to accept the other for who and what they are. We have to accept their likes, dislikes, and idiosyncrasies. We must love ourselves and must be comfortable enough with ourselves to see and accept ourselves and others. This is not easy to do sometimes, and sometimes it is hard to turn off the mask that we wear.
What ever happened to "What you See is What you get?" Some people have reached a level in their lives that they can incorporate and elaborate on their true inner self and that is the mask that they wear. I learned this a long time ago working for Disney. You are not to ever have a problem, when you are anywhere a Guest can see you, a smile should be on your face. You never let a guest see you upset or down, you never let the magic fade. The mask that I have perfected is that of complete happiness and positive disposition where nothing or no one seems to bother me, I try to never utter a harsh word about someone or criticize too much because that isn't my way. Yet, those who know me and take the chance to get to know the real me the one who hides behind the mask, they find that at times I do have moments of despair, times of depression, I also get overwhelmed at times and I cry sometimes. Yet, my mask that I put out to the world is who I have become, these moments are short in duration and help me to reach out to others and help them with their problems and concerns.
My mask has given me the strength to overcome my pitfalls and weakness. I strive to maintain a positive outlook and I pray constantly for guidance and wisdom. So, what is the point that I am trying to make here?
It should be obvious that the old adage "Never judge a book by it's cover" is what I am trying to emphasize. Don't rely only on first impressions, because the person behind the mask might just be the person you are looking for. You should remember that God brings people into our lives for various purposes. It is my contention that there are 3 types of people that continually flow in and out of our lives. These are Teachers, Students, and Confidants. You may never know until they have left you which one they were....or what combination they were...so if you take the time to get to know everyone on the same basis of building and maintaining a permanent or long standing relationship you will definitely benefit from their wisdom, they might benefit from yours, or you might just find the person who you can always rely and depend upon.
But you have to get past that first initial mask to find the real person hiding inside, and if you are not looking for anything more than a friendship, you will soon find that you can see the real person hiding behind the mask. Take the time and get to know everyone and approach them exactly the same and you will see what I am talking about.
Remember, from friendship comes trust, from trust comes understanding and from understanding love can take root and grow. I have heard it say time and again, that if I get involved with you it will ruin our friendship. What a cop-out that truly is, because guess what if you are friends to start with how can being with someone intimately damage that friendship..you will say when the relationship ends it would ruin the friendship. Well if you have truly built a relationship built on trust, friendship and have really gotten to know the real person why on earth would that relationship end, and if it did for a reason of betrayed trust or other reason, I can tell you that time will heal that wound and you will realize and miss the friend that you had and reconciliation will begin. This is not to say that the intimate relationship can be restored, it is telling you that if you never take the risk and see where it could go, you will never know and you could miss the opportunity God gave you to meet your perfect mate.
Keep an open mind, look behind the mask, get to know the person, develop that friendship and the relationship that follows..it might lead you to your perfect companion and mate or it could bless you with a new best friend. You never know. The future is hidden from us.
I beg you to take a chance. Let your mask go and let the world see the real you...Like me you might find that you aren't too different from the mask you wear. People will see the real you, they will accept you, they will be glad they met you.
Here is an example of what I mean. A friend of mine who I was very close to in high school read my status on Facebook left a comment. First she asked me how do I manage to stay so positive and focused when so many things are happening with me. She then told me that she found our yearbook from 26 years ago and that I was caring and so positive even back then...she told me that I am truly blessed and an inspiration. See the real me the man behind the mask is not so different from the who I truly am...the one slight difference is I don't ever let the whole world see when I am down or hurting, however, those who know me get to see those aspects that I keep hidden. This doesn't weaken my position it actually strengthens me and proves that I am human. But because of the persona I have adopted I never stay down for long and bounce back.
I hope to continue to be an inspiration to others, I hope to live my life as an example of how having a positive outlook and a positive attitude can and will bring more positive energy and blessing in to our daily lives. I pray that you have patience and approach every new encounter in the spirit of love, kindness and friendship, that you can learn from what I have written.
Let me hear from you....I want to hear your thoughts on this....If this truly helps you let me know and if you think I am totally wrong I want to hear it too.
May God Keep you and Bless you....
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I will tell you that I approach each encounter with the conscious thought that I am building a life long relationship that is going to stand up to the length of time. I have friends from middle school that I still talk to to this day, I have friends from the Navy, College and beyond. But, with each and everyone I have had to overcome the masks that they present to the world. Everyone of us do this to some extent or another. This is the face that we wear out in public, it is what the world see first. These masks help us feel secure and only show the portion of ourselves that we want others to see.
Now, by me saying this I am not saying that this is a bad thing. It isn't, it is our coping mechanism with the world at large. However, when you start to get to know a person truly, you begin to see the real person behind the facade that they present to the world. In order for the relationship to stand up to the rigors of time, we must not only reveal our true selves to the other, but we must come to accept the other for who and what they are. We have to accept their likes, dislikes, and idiosyncrasies. We must love ourselves and must be comfortable enough with ourselves to see and accept ourselves and others. This is not easy to do sometimes, and sometimes it is hard to turn off the mask that we wear.
What ever happened to "What you See is What you get?" Some people have reached a level in their lives that they can incorporate and elaborate on their true inner self and that is the mask that they wear. I learned this a long time ago working for Disney. You are not to ever have a problem, when you are anywhere a Guest can see you, a smile should be on your face. You never let a guest see you upset or down, you never let the magic fade. The mask that I have perfected is that of complete happiness and positive disposition where nothing or no one seems to bother me, I try to never utter a harsh word about someone or criticize too much because that isn't my way. Yet, those who know me and take the chance to get to know the real me the one who hides behind the mask, they find that at times I do have moments of despair, times of depression, I also get overwhelmed at times and I cry sometimes. Yet, my mask that I put out to the world is who I have become, these moments are short in duration and help me to reach out to others and help them with their problems and concerns.
My mask has given me the strength to overcome my pitfalls and weakness. I strive to maintain a positive outlook and I pray constantly for guidance and wisdom. So, what is the point that I am trying to make here?
It should be obvious that the old adage "Never judge a book by it's cover" is what I am trying to emphasize. Don't rely only on first impressions, because the person behind the mask might just be the person you are looking for. You should remember that God brings people into our lives for various purposes. It is my contention that there are 3 types of people that continually flow in and out of our lives. These are Teachers, Students, and Confidants. You may never know until they have left you which one they were....or what combination they were...so if you take the time to get to know everyone on the same basis of building and maintaining a permanent or long standing relationship you will definitely benefit from their wisdom, they might benefit from yours, or you might just find the person who you can always rely and depend upon.
But you have to get past that first initial mask to find the real person hiding inside, and if you are not looking for anything more than a friendship, you will soon find that you can see the real person hiding behind the mask. Take the time and get to know everyone and approach them exactly the same and you will see what I am talking about.
Remember, from friendship comes trust, from trust comes understanding and from understanding love can take root and grow. I have heard it say time and again, that if I get involved with you it will ruin our friendship. What a cop-out that truly is, because guess what if you are friends to start with how can being with someone intimately damage that friendship..you will say when the relationship ends it would ruin the friendship. Well if you have truly built a relationship built on trust, friendship and have really gotten to know the real person why on earth would that relationship end, and if it did for a reason of betrayed trust or other reason, I can tell you that time will heal that wound and you will realize and miss the friend that you had and reconciliation will begin. This is not to say that the intimate relationship can be restored, it is telling you that if you never take the risk and see where it could go, you will never know and you could miss the opportunity God gave you to meet your perfect mate.
Keep an open mind, look behind the mask, get to know the person, develop that friendship and the relationship that follows..it might lead you to your perfect companion and mate or it could bless you with a new best friend. You never know. The future is hidden from us.
I beg you to take a chance. Let your mask go and let the world see the real you...Like me you might find that you aren't too different from the mask you wear. People will see the real you, they will accept you, they will be glad they met you.
Here is an example of what I mean. A friend of mine who I was very close to in high school read my status on Facebook left a comment. First she asked me how do I manage to stay so positive and focused when so many things are happening with me. She then told me that she found our yearbook from 26 years ago and that I was caring and so positive even back then...she told me that I am truly blessed and an inspiration. See the real me the man behind the mask is not so different from the who I truly am...the one slight difference is I don't ever let the whole world see when I am down or hurting, however, those who know me get to see those aspects that I keep hidden. This doesn't weaken my position it actually strengthens me and proves that I am human. But because of the persona I have adopted I never stay down for long and bounce back.
I hope to continue to be an inspiration to others, I hope to live my life as an example of how having a positive outlook and a positive attitude can and will bring more positive energy and blessing in to our daily lives. I pray that you have patience and approach every new encounter in the spirit of love, kindness and friendship, that you can learn from what I have written.
Let me hear from you....I want to hear your thoughts on this....If this truly helps you let me know and if you think I am totally wrong I want to hear it too.
May God Keep you and Bless you....
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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