Saturday December 1st Dual Meaning for me!

You know when I was young December 1st only had one meaning for me, but as I got older and the AIDS pandemic was realized that day was forever changed for me.  Today I am one out of countless people that deal with living with HIV the precursor to AIDS.  Now, a lot has changes since the 80's with the hysteria and rumors running rampant through the country.  The life expectancy of a newly infected person is now close to 30 years with the current drugs that are on the market.  However, that doesn't mean that there still aren't deaths and complications that can arise that can shorten someone's lifespan.  As the title suggest I have now two reasons to celebrate on December 1st.  I guess the first and foremost one would be that it is my birthday, and second is the celebration of Worlds AIDS Day.

This year I am celebrating my 44th birthday, I am blessed and lucky to have such a long life.  Though I have health issues and concerns, I have still outlived some of my closest and dearest friends and loved ones.  See, in the early years of HIV/AIDS there wasn't much knowledge about the disease, how it was spread, and what could be done to treat it.  Many of my friends died a very painful and agonizing death, others became detached because of dementia and other factors.  It was hard for me watching so many of the people I love die, even worse was the fact that a longtime partner didn't even recognize me or know me the day that he died. We had been together for years, I was the lucky one, I didn't contract the disease right away.  As a matter of fact when he died in 95, I was finishing up my first battle with colon cancer and seemed to be none the worse for wear.

I have to be honest I was lost for quite awhile after his death, and so I decided to go back to school and that is when I first discovered my love for writing.  Here we are 20 years later and I am still writing and that is a blessing.  But nothing could take away the pain nor the hole that was left in my life by his passing. However, in 1997 I met an extraordinary person who moved me away from Orlando and my family and took me to the  "Big City" of Atlanta.  Where I actually lived and worked till this year.  I have met some wonderful and beautiful people on my journey, and I have made some big mistakes.  It is also where I contracted the virus that I had so carefully avoided.  I am the type of person that learns everything I can about the diseases and illness I am faced with.  Through that knowledge it led me to a greater understanding of the people that are affected by the disease as well as those infected by it.  See it is important to remember that a person doesn't actually have to be infected by the disease for it to affect them in some way.  None of us are immune to feeling the effects of a friend or loved one becoming infected.  Of course the circumstances and the situations are different still between the affected and the infected.

When I moved to Volusia County in February of 2012 I didn't know what I was going to find.  I came here blind only knowing my father.  Didn't even know the person he was living with. So I was on my own.  No friends, only my dad, no car, no money.  But I came anyway, and I have to tell you that I am happy that I did.  Through my curiosity and wanting to keep up with my medical treatments for HIV, I contacted the Florida AIDS helpline and got some information on resources in my area. Within a matter of days I had set up appointments and began my journey.  My first case manager, was Donna Wood, a wonderful woman who like me cares about people and their welfare.  She took me under her wing and talked to me about several programs that she thought I might be interested in, and by the summer I had joined and became part of several groups that advocate and fight the stigmas, myths and misconceptions about HIV/AIDS.  She also encouraged me to continue my writing and telling my story to anyone and everyone that would listen, for that I am going to be ever grateful.  So this year when the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau talked about doing an event for raising money for our group during the Worlds AIDS Week celebration I quickly volunteered to help.

The group decided that we were going to do a dinner and a play for our fundraiser.  We met with other organizations and coordinated our efforts so that we could do the play and not interfere with anyone else's events.  It was held at the Daytona Beach Museum of Arts and Sciences.  It was a catered affair, with a wine and cheese reception before, a slide presentation during the meal and then our performance.  The turn out was spectacular, and I have to say that we all had a great time.  It was a learning time and a time for coming together.  We took a topic that is highly sensitive, we broke it down into real life examples, told our story, and we did it in such a way that it wasn't heavy or stale, and gave it a human face, and a little humor and it was met with a great response. I am proud to say that I was the co-author the play, and I believe that throughout the work you can see the upbeat and positive energy that was lovingly put into it.  For those of you who didn't get to attend you missed something spectacular and revealing.

But you know, it was after the play was done and everyone was leaving that I had a chance to talk to some of the wait staff and people that were behind the scenes, and you know what was amazing to me was how open and receptive these young people were to the message we were sending out.  Two of the young men that were on the Banquet line and passing through the tables collecting the dirty dishes were 17 years old, they saw and heard the play, and one of them told me that he had learned a lot about the disease that he didn't know from our play, and that we had taken a taboo subject and made it humorous and delivered it with a delicacy that was excellent.  That the facts and figures that were expressed were done in a way that made them memorable and helped him to feel more comfortable about being tested and finding out more about the disease.  Now trust me when I tell you that I was touched by this. Because our goal is to address the younger generation, educate them, help them to understand the stigmas, fears that surround the disease and finding out that you are positive.

The young man went on to say that he was impressed with me because of my response to when I was asked questions about my health and how I managed to stay so upbeat and positive with all that I am facing.  Honestly, it was him and his willingness to talk to me that impressed me.  See, I am living with it, I have been dealing with it for awhile and I have come through the stigmas, social fears, the pressure of when to disclose and when not too, so talking to others about my illness has become second nature to me.  But here was a young man wanting to know more about what he could do to help bring awareness to his peers and friends and that my friends made the whole evening worthwhile.  Yes it is true that we want an end to the disease, the persecution, and the segregation that we feel when we disclose, but we also want to reach these young people. Help them to understand that safe sex, and getting tested routinely is important.  We want them to realize that HIV/AIDS doesn't care if you are gay or straight, male or female, white or black, hispanic or asian, it doesn't care if you are rich or poor, it doesn't care at all! We are all targets for it.  We also want them to realize that there are cultural differences that will be barriers that they may have to overcome and that there are others out there just like them that are going through the same things, and that there are people who care and are willing to help them.  No one has to face this alone.

Now as I close this entry, I want you to think about this, HIV/AIDS can impact your life at anytime, through yourself or those around you.  You can't tell if someone is sick or infected just by looking at them.  Heck three out of five people today are infected and have no signs of illness or even know that hey are infected.  You just can't tell.  We each have a voice and we can do something about this, we have been too quiet for far too long, people are still dying out there, and HIV/AIDS hasn't gone away.  Talk to your friends and family about it.  Volunteer your time if you have some, educate yourself and learn more about how it is affecting your community. Become a light in the darkness and let others know you care.  Though World's AIDS Day is only celebrated once a year, I hope that you will take the initiative in your own life and make it a celebration every day like I do.

I also want to say thank you for all of you who came to the benefit, saw our play and enjoyed yourself. I am glad you came, I am happy that we were able to deliver not hard topic to discuss, but also shared with you a part of ourselves and our stories.  You made all our efforts worthwhile.  Thank you to the Positive Champions Speaker's Bureau for becoming my family, my friends, and letting me be a part of your group.  Thank you for the support you have shown me this entire year as I have been battling my own health issues, and most of all thank you with trusting me with your stories, so that the play could be written and acted out. Thank you for listening to my advice and suggestions when we were rehearsing, and for making this event such a wonderful experience for everyone.

I would also like to say that I am so very proud of you all, for putting yourselves out there and giving of yourselves daily to each other and the community.  Your efforts inspire me and make me happy to have found such a group of loving and supportive people.  I am already looking forward to the coming year and all the things that we can do to help improve our community and our group.

I love you all!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Suicide, Myths and Facts revealed!

Several months ago a friend of mine and I started the Plus Suicide Project on Google +.  We created it in response to the increasing number of teen suicides that we saw occurring in the LBGT teen community.  However, I felt that I didn't have enough information at my command to deal with this situation in the appropriate manner.  Last night I attend a training seminar that is designed toward suicide prevention and make us the first line of defense in the fight against it.  The program is designed to train Gatekeepers, these are compassionate, caring individuals that are trained to develop the knowledge, attitude and skills to identify people at risk for suicide.  They are trained to manage a crisis situation and get the individual help and assistance as needed.   After going through the course I wanted to share some of the information that I learned from it with you.  I think it is important to cover the facts about suicide and explore the myths and misconceptions that individuals have about suicide.

If we want to be able to make a difference in peoples lives and help them when they are in crisis, we need to have a firm understanding about what suicide is and what we can do to help the individual that is going through it at every point.  Like they say to be forewarned is to be forearmed and it is my hope that the information that is provided here will give you a strong foundation to understand that suicide is a real threat.  That it can come from any corner and hit anyone.  Depression and a feeling of isolation and not belonging are some of the key factors that lead a person to consider and even try suicide.  But let's explore the facts first.

Did you know in the United States one person commits suicide every 17 minutes? I bet you didn't.  Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in youths ages 15-24 and the 2nd cause of death for ages 25-34.  There are 764,000 suicide attempts each year, and that the elderly have the highest rate of suicide. One out of every 100,000 elderly people commit suicide each day.  Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. Whatever your beliefs about suicide they are irrelevant, suicide is real and seems like it is the only option left to these people.  Most really don't want to die, but cannot see any other alternative and they are just wanting their pain to stop.  More people that are contemplating suicide are more comfortable speaking with a clergy member or other member of their church than they are of talking to a mental health professional for a number of reasons, one of which is that it doesn't cost anything, and that they think that a member of their church or even their pastor is part of their family and is there to listen an help them.  However, most clergy members and church family is not prepared and doesn't know what to do when in a crisis situation.  It is important to be compassionate, caring and a good listener, and never ever leave the person in crisis alone.

So what are some facts and myths that you should be aware of when dealing with a person that is in crisis.  Myth: If you ask someone about his/her suicidal intent, you may encourage the idea of completing suicide.  Fact:  Talking about or asking about suicide will not cause a person to kill himself and will in fact lower their anxiety level and act as a deterrent to suicidal behavior.  Myth:  Suicide happens without warning and people who talk about killing themselves rarely complete suicide.  Fact: Most people who commit suicide have reached out and have given warning clues either verbal or otherwise of their intentions.  80% of those that did commit suicide left definite warning signs of their intent.  Fact: Talking about suicide can be a plea for help, not an attempt to manipulate. Fact: Most of those that have committed suicide have spent a lot of time thinking and planning their death in great detail.  Myth:  If a person is contemplating suicide and asks you not to tell anyone it is important not to break that trust given too you.  Fact: When dealing with a suicidal person, you should never ever pledge to keep their confidentiality.  The person needs to be followed up on and probably should be referred to help for further assistance.  You probably should get a trained professional involved so that they can provide appropriate resources to help the person.

Another myth is that Suicide is more common in people from a higher socioeconomic status.  Fact: statistics clearly show there is no typical victim, suicide can happen to anyone from any economical group. Another myth is: A person who has lost a close family member to suicide has a lower risk of suicide because they have learned the pain it causes.  Fact: Research has actually shown that a family history of suicide is a significant risk factor and survivors are SIX times as likely to die by suicide than the general public. Myth: You can tell by looking at someone that they may be more likely to commit suicide.  Fact: There is no way a person can determine by look alone if a person is likely to commit suicide.  There can be no sign of depression, a person can be smiling and bubbly on the outside but still be totally shattered and broken on the inside.

We have become so adapt in wearing our outside masks that we can keep almost anyone in the dark as to our moods and feelings hidden behind.  Keep this firmly in mind you cannot look at a person and tell what they are thinking, nor can you tell what they are thinking about suicide.  Communication is the key in dealing with situations like this, just like I have pointed out in several posts.  Communication and the ability to listen are extremely important in dealing with everyone. You need to really pay attention to what someone is telling you and listen for key words that might indicate that they are thinking about suicide.  Compassionate listening and demonstrating that you are sincere in your concerns for another person may just be enough to save another persons life.  I have told you before that casual conversation can lead you to many unfamiliar and unexpected places, and this one of them.  You never know who might be reaching out to you for help, you have to be paying attention and be a conscientious listener.

So who do you think should have the responsibility of identifying people who may be suicidal or at risk of committing suicide?  Do you think it should be the pastor, counselors or mental health professionals?  The truth of the matter a person who is thinking about suicide may not have any interaction with one of these professionals, and you are the only one they have.  You maybe the only person they are willing to be open and talk with about what they are going through, so it needs to be your responsibility to get them help, so you need to know how to recognize the signs of personal crisis and potential suicide.  It is always better to be safe than sorry.  Keep in mind that people on drugs or alcohol who are talking about suicide are probably considering it. Remember that drugs and alcohol have a tendency to induce depression and can act to remove inhibitions that would normally prevent a person from contemplating suicide.  Research suggest that 20-50% of individuals who have committed suicide have had an alcohol or drug problem.  Keep in mind that unless you know the whole story everyone has the potential for suicide there are some factors that make a person more at risk than others, but we will get into that in another article.

What I want you to understand from this is that suicide is a big deal, these statistics that I have been reading show that suicide occurs almost double the homicide rate. Yet we hear more about the homicides than we ever do about the suicides.  Bullying, rejection, pain, loss, humiliation and a million other factors can drive someone toward suicide.  Be open, receptive and responsive to the needs and concerns of others, be aware of their words, and listen for their cries for help.  You will hear them, you will know in your heart that something is off.  Talk to them, get them to open up to you and offer them kindness, compassion and help.

Remember that a person who commits suicide leaves behind them 6 people that are suffering and in pain because of their loss.  No one is immune to depression, anxiety, fear, and the pile up of emotional baggage that can pull a person under to the point where they feel they are trapped and have no way out.

I hope this opened your eyes a little, there is a silent world out there where people are just disappearing in to the night, lost and alone begging for help to end their pain and suffering. All we have to do is listen and we might be the one that saves another persons life through just a simple act of kindness and caring.  Everything is possible.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

What happened to old fashion romance and passion in relationships?

I was on the phone with one of my ex's, someone that I was with for quite a while about 25 years ago.  He is  2 years younger than I am and he is now dating a 27 year old.  He was telling me that his sex life has become almost no existent, that there doesn't seem to be any passion or affection outside of the few times they have sex.  Which had gone from 3 or 4 times a weekend to now 1 or 2 times every 3 or 4 weeks.  This got me wondering what happened to old fashion romance and passion, where are the cuddling nights sitting on the couch watching a movie together and snuggling?  Have those days gone by?  Are they gone forever?  That brings me back to how can we ignite our love and make it something real and tangible for every day?

See, I am all too aware that there are some relationships that are based on mutual affection, and then there are some that are based genuinely on love, with those few that are just relationships of convenience. Where two people are sharing the same lives, but not the same dreams and goals.  It must be sad to feel like you are just roommates with an occasional benefit thrown in every once in awhile.  We have talked about relationships in the past and how some are just like business arrangements, that are beneficially mutual to both parties concerned.  But what happens when one of the party develops deeper feelings for the other that is not reciprocated?

This I think is what happens in most gay relationships, they start out good because we, and I am using the term we here because I fall into the same category and pattern here, have a tendency to start our relationships off the wrong way. We meet out in a bar, or sometimes with the advent of the internet and all the dating sites, we start off meeting the person, hanging out and before we know it we are having sex.  We continue to see that person and the sex continues.  Gay men seem to have a misconception that sex and chilling together equates a relationship.  We don't go out on traditional dates, we don't explore the other person fully we just jump into it with both feet so to speak.  Now, again I can only speak from personal experience, but I have found that the longest relationships that I have had I came at them with a different focus.  For example, yes I met Joe my ex of 12 1/2 years by answering a personal add on a computer bulletin board, this is before the internet.  We emailed and spoke to one another daily for 6 moths before we ever met.  We talked about everything and we explored each other before we ever met.  When we did meet I will admit that the first thing we did was have sex.  Then we went to dinner with my best friend and chilled out.  For the first week we were inseparable, then he had to go back to Atlanta for work, but 2 weeks later he was back in Florida at a job site at the beach, I was actually off of work at the time and was able to meet up with him and spent that week together with him also.  We talked about moving me up to Atlanta with him, and he even invited me up for a weekend to see if I liked it.  Well with me being there, his roommate came forward and told him how much he cared about him and a lot of drama ensued.  I ended up coming back to Florida and talking with the management company of the complex I was living at and found that I could transfer my lease up to Atlanta for only $50.00 which is what we decided to do.  Joe and I lived in that apartment in Atlanta for 7 months, most of which time he was never home. I moved to Atlanta and for 5 months he was on the road, and I barely ever saw him.  I had gotten a job and started working the Monday after I had moved up there so there was no lapse in pay for me.    But let me tell you something even doing it that way, getting to know someone via email and text messaging was not enough.  We didn't know each other and didn't give ourselves a chance to get to know one another. Before we knew it we were buying a house together and getting dogs, and before I blinked 5 years had gone by.  We were always arguing and fighting and with him travelling so much, there wasn't very much sex between us.  But it was okay because I went back to school got my bachelors and master's degrees and kept myself busy while he was away.

The long and the short of it is that with the technology of today, people aren't spending time together and learning about each other. They read an online profile, go out on a date and jump right into the sack with the other person.  This doesn't make for a successful relationship at all.  Eventually, there are going to be incompatibilities and things that you learn about one another that may change the dynamic of the relationship. If you really care about the person you are with you have to keep the relationship exciting and full of love and feeling. Each one of you needs to be reaffirmed that the other cares about you and feels the same way you do.  Affection goes part of the way in doing this, but there has to be verbal affirmation as well. You need to hear it as well as feel it.  You need to do simple little things that let the other know what you are feeling towards them. That them running around naked still turns you on and makes you happy.  Hide little gifts around, with notes telling them how special they are an what you think about them.  Keep in mind that for most people a compliment on the way they look and about their personality will go a long way in reassuring them that you still love and care for them.

My advice to you is that if you want to really discover and find someone that cares about you.  Take it slow, get to know them, keep the sex part out of it for as long as you can.  Learn all about them, their likes, their dislikes, their favorite things, go out and explore the world together, and do all of this before ever stepping into the bedroom.  Because honestly sex stirs up emotions and puts strings on things that maybe should be tied up.  I have met tons of people online that advertise that they are looking for casual encounters with no strings attached (NSA).  Guess what that doesn't work for me, because after being with them and having sex  with them several times, I find myself getting attached, and falling for them.  However, as I explained above, I really hadn't gotten to know anything about them, and when it finally and inevitably ends I am the one that is hurting because I connected with that person sexually, I enjoyed being with that person, yet the only thing I truly knew about the person is what they liked to do sexually.  When I tried dating some of them, it would only last a short while because outside of the bedroom we would have nothing in common, and those that I did have something with didn't understand the concept of monogamy.  So what I am trying to tell you is that you might save yourself some heartache and trouble if you take the time upfront to get to know someone really before you ever jump into bed with them.

Then there are those that you have had sexual relationships with that you feel a kind of connection with that you think you might want to explore further, but how do you go from being a Fuck Buddy to a full partner?  The answer is that it can be done but with some difficulty, and patience and a lot of hard work. Because you have to get over the preconceived notions that each of you have built over the casual encounters. You have to take the time to really get to know the person and you have to be willing to start over from scratch, like the past never happened.  You can't walk into it and hope that it will gel and work, because it doesn't happen like that. Further, you can't expect everything to fall into place immediately, both of you are going to be at different places in your lives and you are going to have to work hard to bring them together.  Because the only way that you can make that type of relationship work is if you are willing to join everything together and start over as a single unit.  You can't come at if from two different points of view and expect that your goals, expectations and living situation are just going to fall into alignment.  You have to work together, to make a new starting place, fresh, free from the past and you have to work toward building a future together. As my friend in Seattle once told me, the past is behind, keep hold of the memories, but you have to let go of those feelings and emotions and move forward.  Forward, is the only way that you can possibly be together, you have to start over in a totally new found place where both of you are on equal footing and no one has the advantage.  Get to know one another again, this time from a friend and lover standpoint and not from the sexual standpoint.  You already know what they like to do sexually, but what about the rest of their life. What do you know about that? Are you willing to join in and help them reach their personal goals?  Are you even aware of their personal goals? How do their goals line up with your own?  Then what kind of goals are you and your partner going to want to have together?

See it is very important for you you have a set of goals that provide you a map toward where you are trying to get too.  Each of you should have individual goals that will keep you both moving forward, but for a relationship to work you also have to have common relationship goals that both of you are willing to work on together.  It is extremely important for a relationship to work to have manageable and achievable goals that both of you are willing to work on together.  Plus you have to be willing to support your partners individual goals and they yours.  This will make a sound foundation for the relationship and one that is designed to grow.  If everyone could get to this point the divorce rate in our country would be on the decline instead of constantly rising each year.

So, what I would like to recommend to you at this point no matter in what type of relationship you find yourself in, if you are wanting to make it work and care about each other than you have to learn how to come together and keep it interesting, new and inviting. You are going to have to talk about your own goals and those of your partner, see where each of you can help the other to reach and achieve their goals. You also have to find goals that will keep the relationship moving forward, and growing as well, these are the common goals I was talking to you about. You have to learn how to keep the mystery and romance alive, do little things that remind each other how much you care and what you love about the other one. You also have to talk to one another, be truthful with your fear, dreams, hopes, desires and most importantly your feelings.  Communication and honesty are as important as the affection and sexual parts of the relationship.  Make time to spend with one another and make it romantic and special.  Remember that just because life hasn't presented you with the perfect opportunity, you can make one.  Keep in mind that each moment is unique and special, it is never going to be repeated in the whole of history, so take it and make it unique and special for you and the one that you love.

Surround yourself with positive energy, and friends that are supportive, cling to optimistic people, and shy away from the pessimists, they will hold you back.  Also assess your current friends and loved one, those that are taking more away from you than they are giving are holding you back and keeping you from reaching your full potential you have to cut them loose, let them go.  Remember only you have you own best interest at heart, and those that don't support you or in some way add benefit to your goals, ambitions, and desires you should let them go.  You and your partner do not need to have others hanging around bringing you down, you need people that care about you and are supportive of you both and are willing to build you up.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

HIV Facts...Educate yourself!

Some of you may know that I am working with the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau in Daytona Beach, Florida.  Trying to raise the awareness of HIV/AIDS within the community and trying to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that surround the disease by working on a play to be performed on World's AIDS Day.

And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:

1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons.  Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out.  Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3.  3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it.  Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick.  Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease.  Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected.  Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant.  Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive.  Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely.  You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not.  It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill.  There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die.  There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200.  Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status.  There are others like you, who are going through what you have.  We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you.  www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18.  Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union.  The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.

There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint.  As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play.  This play is about these things and so much more.  I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions.  It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease.  I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner.  No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it.  We are still human after all.  I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.

There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down.  They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts.  Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect.  Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other.  We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one.  We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced.  United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard.  We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows.  We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims.  And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it.  You  are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light!  Remember that  EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness. 

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B