How to deal with life's unexpected pitfalls!

Recently I had another stop in at my favorite hangout, the hospital.  Now for those of  you that really know me, you know how I despise hospitals and will do everything in my power to avoid having to go.  But what do you do if life unexpectedly hands you a bunch of lemons and you end up where you hate?  In most of the cases that I know of we plod along and do our best with the circumstances we find ourselves in.  No matter what situation you find yourself in there is no possible way that you can take into consideration every eventuality that might befall you.  No one ever plans to have their health deteriorate or fail on them.  No one ever plans on having cancer, or having your kidneys fail.  There is no hard set fast plan that you can have in place to take these things into account.

But if you find yourself in one of these types of situations, (which I hope and pray you don't) you might have to buckle down and look to yourself and your family for support and guideance.  If you don't have a support network that you can call on and depend upon, then I recommend you create one for yourself.  I also would advise you to take the time and research what health options you have and treatments that others have found successful in dealing with similar conditions or situations.  Also reach out into your community and see if there isn't a support group or other type of organization that hasn't been formed to help you deal with what you are going through.  These types of groups can help you and your family members come to terms with what you are going through. They are also great sources of help and inspiration, because you can learn from others who have survived and gone through similar situations.  Their testimonies and experiences can give you the hope and help that you need to fight whatever you are going through.

Sometimes the thing that you need is just to have another person listen to what you are going through, they may not necessarily be able to give you the support and strength you need but they can lend you a shoulder to cry on and a strong ear to talk to about what you are going through.  No matter what your circumstances there is always going to be someone out there that has gone through something similar or have some type of advice that will help you through.  Support groups and supplemental agencies such as the American Cancer Society will also have resources that you might be able to call upon in your times of need.

Never discount your friends, those people that are always with you and surround you.  Their support and love will provide you with the strength and courage you need to face the crisis upon which you find yourself.  Always keep firmly in mind that no matter what doctors are only human, they make mistakes and they cannot see the future, and they are not the final word on your condition. God is the "Great Physician", He is the ultimate Healer and the architect of our lives.  Remember that God has a plan for you and your life.  Every hurt, pain and situation that you find yourself in are all part of His Divine Plan for your life and are experiences that we can learn and grow from.

I have learned through my own life and illnesses, that God's Plan and Will are sometimes hidden and subtle.  We must learn and live through each experience to recieve and comprehend the lessons that we are being taught.  Experience has taught me that God has different kinds of love for each of us.  Sometimes God's love is a restraining love, this type of love is where we are put into situations in order for us to learn and grow from.  Moses and Jonah had to learn and were restrained from moving forward until their lessons were learned. I believe that even today God teaches us with this same type of restraining love.  No matter where you find yourself you should research and explore the entire situation, because the lesson you might have to learn is how to witness about how you have overcome that situation.  God has called each of us to be "Fishers of Men" which means we are all called to tell others of our testimony, to talk about those things that we have been brought through and delivered from.  These are the stories and inspiration that help others to see the love and strength that God gives us. God also has a deep and abiding love that protects us and nurtures us in our times of despair and need.

As I said earlier it is your support network, which is made of family and friends that is going to help you through your trial or illness.  However, you must understand that not all of the people that you consider friends are actually going to be there for you.  It is during your times of illness and stress that you will find out who your true friends are.  They are going to the ones that are there for you and whom you can depend upon.  These are the ones that have your best interests at heart and are always in your corner pulling for you.   They offer words of motivation and encouragement, they are the ones that come to visit you in the hospital, send you cards and do little things for you to make your life easier.  Do not be discouraged if some of the people you once considered a friend don't come to visit you or have any meaningful input, because these are the ones that you can cut away from your life.  They take away more from you than they give.  Sad to say but those that want more of your attention and are needy without regard to what you are going through are the ones that you can do without in your life.

No one ever said life was going to be easy, that you were never going to have bad or hard times.  These are the times when life's lessons help us build character and shape and mold the way we live and treat life and those that are around us.  So many people have interesting stories if you just take the time to listen and get to know them.  My partner and I walk every morning here in Daytona, and it is on these walks that we have met and gotten to know some very interesting people.  There is a woman that we have met on several mornings who gets out and walks 2 to 3 miles a day.  This morning she was telling us that up until last year she was walking 5 miles a day.  Which is very remarkable because next month she is going to be 80 years old.  Even today she was out making her 2 to 3 mile trek which is truly inspiring because she told us that she had recently shattered her left foot and her hip had deteriorated over the past couple of years and had to have a hip replacement.

As with all things in this life our mental health is just as important to our physical health as is a good diet and exercise.  See with a positive outlook your health and stamina will also improve. It is my belief that our mind is a very powerful thing and with the proper adjustments in attitude we can actually help in our healing process.  A positive outlook on life is going to keep you moving forward and help lesson the stress on your body which inturn significantly increases the body's ability to heal.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Here is an update for all of you inquiring minds!

I want to let everyone know that I am finally back in Florida, and there are going to be some new things coming from Uncle B.  I am working with my partner to flush out new subjects and topics to discuss with you guys.

I don't want to repeat myself and beat a dead horse.  I think you all get the point of what I have been trying to tell you.  The adventures in California were both enlightening and life changing.  I learned a lot from my time out there and I hope that it reflects in what I am writing about.

I am also starting to work on a new book so stay tuned..

My hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Sometimes you find yourself in unfamiliar places

Life isn't always what it is cracked up to be.  We can find ourselves in unfamiliar territory without any compass to guide us and our past experiences haven't prepared us for what we are facing.  I have found myself in these types of situations recently, and I can report that from those experiences I have learned how not to handle them.  What I have learned is that we need to take a step back and just see what the lay of the land is, and not react to the situation.  You have to let it unfold around you, observe and try and make educated decisions, even if you have no reference points to guide you, the situation itself may provide you with enough information to help you navigate the rough waters that surround you.

I have also learned that nothing is perfect, that we need to accept the limitations of ourselves and our partners, and when new situations arise you need to stick together and work it out.  Too often in today's society it is easier to throw in the towel and run away from the situations that you find yourself in. However, if you love someone, and you truly want to spend your life with them, you have to be willing to compromise.  I have told you before that communication is the key to everything, but there is more to communicating then just talking about things, you have to take the time and really listen to your partner. You have to stop your tongue from engaging before you hear out the entire situation.  It is important to realize that even though you have been doing things your way all your life, there may be an easier way to do it, or the way that you have been going about something has been totally wrong.  Be open to try new things and listen intently, because as I said earlier everyone goes through things, and even though they maybe a little different, you can still benefit from their trials, lessons learned and mistakes.

I know this from recent experience, no relationship is perfect in every way, there are going to be arguments, there are going to be times when you want to shut down and close off from the other person, but there will also be time for you to talk about the situation, but you have to be willing to be open.  This is often harder than you may think.  Remember no one is perfect least of all you. I know we all have expectations and when your partner falls short or you do, it hurts.  But I can tell you this, if you really love someone, you are willing to take the time and explore all options before you throw in the towel! You can survive anything together. Let me explain that some times there are going to be a needs or desires that you cannot fulfill for your partner or demands that life presents you with that you are not equipped to deal with.  It is these times that you have to decide within yourself if you are strong enough to let your partner or life itself reach outside of you and your relationship to fulfill that need.

There are times when you have to be able to compromise come to an agreement and accept the limitations that life has dealt you.  If you can do that and you can communicate effectively you might just be able to weather whatever storm life or relationships throw at you.  I can speak with some certainty on this point.  Another thing that I have come to understand over the past 2 months that I have been separated from you my readers is that we each have preconceived notions and expectations about relationships and we are easily disappointed and discouraged when things don't exactly work out as planned.  However, it has become my understanding that we are given exactly what we need and can handle at those moments, it is how we deal with them as they arise that makes the difference.  See, if everything was easy and perfect, there would be nothing to strive for or work towards.  If everything was given to us exactly we wanted or expected we wouldn't be satisfied and we wouldn't value it or cherish it.

Life is unpredictable and will throw you some curves.  There are going to be challenges, stresses and outside influences that are going to threaten you and your relationship. You have to be willing to face these challenges head on. You have to be willing to mitigate the risks and exposure that you allow into your relationship.  There are so many people out there that are unhappy and they want everyone around them to be as unhappy as they are.  These are the individuals that you don't need to have in your life or influencing your relationship. Nothing ever comes without work, and nothing is ever perfect.  Remember, words are just words, yet they can cause hurts that never actually heal.  They are just words, you have to look to the actions that surround those words to see if they have merit or meaning in your life or situation.  I have told you before that in the heat of the moment anyone can say anything and they usually are hurtful.  However, you have to take those times in perspective, as I have told you in the past, you have to judge the person by the way they have always acted and not by the outburst because the person is going to be the same as they have always been after they calm down and the incident has passed.    In every argument there are two sides. Who is to say you are right and your partner is wrong, or whomever you are having a dispute with.  Keep in mind that each person you encounter has their own personality, point of view and way of doing things, you have to be mature and willing enough to understand their motivations and try to comprehend what they are all about, if you do this you will be amazed at how those conflicts evaporate.

As with all things in life, when you have two or more individuals together you have to take into account that each person has had their own life experiences, encounters and been taught different ways to do things than you have.  It is impossible for 2 people to have the same life lessons and experiences. Because neither of you are going to experience the same things in the same way even if you grew up together.  We all process and deal with things in our own internal way.  This is what makes it hard when two people come together and try to become a couple.  It takes patience, understanding, compassion, caring and listening and hearing for it too work.

I am hoping that you will take away from this entry, is that no situation is ever going to perfect.  That we can't expect others to live up to our expectations and that we can't handle everything by ourselves.  By truly listening and hearing what others are telling us we can survive and thrive through any situation.

My hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Lost, Alone and Scared

Over the past few days my world has been in a constant state of flux. Meaning that nothing has been constant, everything has been in perpetual movement.  When that happens the mind looses focus and thoughts can drift impossibly far distances. Emotions which are tied to thoughts are also out of flux with the rest of your body and you withdraw from the physical.  Now to explain this is rather difficult but I think this is a possible reason why we sometimes can be in a crowd and feel all alone.  See it doesn't matter what you are going through when the mind detaches and starts roaming and grasping at straws and random thought patterns, we become un-anchored to the the world around us.  We have a tendency to wrap up in these thoughts and can't fight our way back to ground.  I described that on my Facebook page on Saturday. My emotional state was such that I was upset, angry, profoundly sad, and I couldn't tell you which way was up or down.  I felt trapped in a surreal place of existence and I couldn't quite wrap my head around reality.

Because of a promise I made I can't divulge all the details of what I am going through but I can tell you this much.  When you care and love someone and they are lost to you for whatever reason, your mind creates solutions and equations and thousands of excuses as to what is really going on.  Problem with all of these scenarios that are playing out in your head, you have no foundation or basis in which to draw from, so your thoughts become cyclical, and you go from thinking the worst to the best, and before you know it your orientation is totally screwed up.  Sometimes we find ourselves in a place of emotional discovery, where you find out that what you once thought was not reality, even though all indicators seemed to point to a fact, when you finally get up on it, you realize that you had misread them, or mislabeled them as fact when they were just feelings.  Which is the funny thing about feelings, they can feel so real that you can almost believe them as fact, when in most cases they aren't, they are just interpretations of the facts that the brain and heart can process.

I can tell you it is a terrible feeling waking up one morning and finding out that everything you once believed in was a lie, that what you thought of as fact, was just in fact illusion created by yourself to keep from facing the truth.  Trust me when I tell you that it is a hard pill to swallow.  Humans are amazing creatures, we have not only the ability to reason, but we also have the ability to feel, and when you put reason and feelings together we get a sort of mental image, problem is that feelings are not as reliable and our images are easily shattered.  When something happens in your life that causes you to doubt everything it is very hard to pull yourself back together.  See, I am not a stranger to the world of addictions and drugs. I am not a stranger to lying to myself to make myself feel better, but I have learned over the years how to come to deal with these falsehoods, and I stand before you a different person.  See I am brutally honest with myself and those around me these days, because I hate to have the feelings of being lost, alone and scared.  I would rather get the initial shock and pain over with than have to deal with it on an on-going form.  So, I gave up on trying to kid myself.

However, there comes a time when we run into individuals that aren't quite at the level that you are. You have asked them repeatedly if they care about you and love you, if they are sure that you are the one they want to be with.  If they aren't at the same place you are, the answer you might get may leave you totally wondering as to your position. See I am a firm believer that everything starts with self and works its way outward. So if you are honest and truthful with yourself you have a greater ability to accept the things that are handed to you.  Some things you wouldn't even expect that hit you with a firm foundation of reality and truth behind you, you will be able to face them and overcome them with ease.  But, every so often something comes along that blind sides you. Something that comes from an unexpected corner, a place where you weren't looking or had thought you had gotten past, and it can rip your sense of reality right out from under you.

You may not understand what I am talking about or where I am coming from with this, and that is absolutely okay.  What I want you to understand there are times when you can be lost, alone and scared and it is not of your own doing.  You can feel those feelings under many different circumstances and I am beginning to understand the amount of pressure that it can put on another person who cares about you.  See, I am beginning to understand the physical and emotional toll of my health conditions on the person that I love.  I am beginning to understand that he has to stand there and watch as my health deteriorates and it makes him feel powerless and vulnerable and angry that there is nothing he can do to make the situation for me any better.  See I can understand him feeling lost, scared and alone during these times and there is nothing I can do to ease that burden from him.  The exact same thing is true for someone doing drugs and the other one not.  The person who is sober might think that they have the power to change the other person but they don't.  You are not a god, you don't have the power to rescue someone else.  The just don't understand that they are loosing not only themselves to it, but you as well. The hardest thing is for you to watch someone circle the drain.  Somewhere you have to be the stronger person and cut them loose and let them go.

2013 is about to start and you don't want to start it off on the wrong foot. There is nothing you can do to change either of the above situations, so inevitably you are going to have to walk away.  The situation is toxic for both of you and you are going to have to cut it loose or end up dragging yourself through the proverbial gutter.  It is hard to say these things because I know that they hurt.  But as sure as I am sitting here today, I realized that some situations are just beyond our control and reasoning. There is nothing I can do to alter either of the scenarios mentioned above.  This is for you, the one that asked me the question what to do if your partner has left you and decided that the drugs are more important than you. I have to tell you a hard truth, I am familiar with the world of drugs, and the effect that they can have on someone.  You are going to have to cut the string and let them go. No matter what happens from this point you must stay strong to yourself and your convictions.  If you give in know you have lost the battle.  I know this from experience once you give in and let someone back into that world it is virtually impossible to get them back out again.

I wish you the best of luck my friend. Because I know how hard it is at this time of year to be going through this alone, but believe it or not I am in a similar situation here in Los Angeles.  I can't go into details as I said earlier, but I do totally understand your feelings of isolation, loneliness and heartbreak at what you are going through.  I sympathize with you and I too am going to have to make a tough decision and pray that God will give me the strength to make it through this with my spirit and heart still intact. I hope you understand that you are not actually giving up on the person. It is going to take more than you to break the hold of the drug that has your friend.  I would never advise someone to give up on another person.  I am not giving up on my friend, I am not supporting or condoning his behavior, but I can't watch it tear apart my relationship and my life again. So if it takes me letting him go and moving on so be it. Lord is my witness that is the last thing I want to do. But, I know I can't make him change and I am not enough of a substitute.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Learning to Live Again

How do you come back to life after almost dying 3 times this year?  How do you come back to life after your world has shattered because your husband died?  How do you come back after you've had a serious injury that has left your confidence and self-esteem injured.  The answer to all of these questions is the same answer, you have to learn to live again.  You have to pick yourself up, and you have to carry on.  Make sure that you give yourself the appropriate mourning period, find and celebrate the silver lining of the situation that you have found yourself in. Remember, that there is always going to be a silver lining to every situation.  Finally you have to look at yourself, really look at yourself and love yourself in-spite of everything that that is happening to you.  In situations like the ones above, we forget to love ourselves and except ourselves for the person that we are and who we have become.  We have a tendency to loose ourselves in our own situation and suffer through it on our own.

Just realizing that you aren't alone, that there are people out there that care about you and are there to support you and help you deal with any situation is the first step in making it through.  From there you have to face yourself in the mirror, accept and deal with the emotional impact of what has happened to you.  If you are brutally honest with yourself you will find a strength that you may never have known before.  We are never given more than we can bear, nor are we ever left to face these types of hard times on our own. Take the time and look around you, you are going to be surprised at how few people you once considered friends  are there for you, however there are going to be others that are still there waiting for you to see them. I realized a short while ago, that when times are tough and you are down or out or even sick only a select group are going to be around for you. It seems that all the others only are around when times are going good and you are up.  These are the ones that I would let go, they are not true friends at all, they are hanger-on's.  People that at every chance are kind and considerate to your face, but behind your back they have only their own interest at heart.

If you remember I have a belief that there are those that come into our lives that are needed and stay an allotted amount of time before they move on.  We each have a support group, those that stand by us through thick and thin, and are willing to go the distance for you when times are tough.  These are the ones that you need to cherish and appreciate. They are going to be the ones that are going to help you pick up the shattered pieces of your life and rebuild it.  These are the friends, relatives and loved ones that are going to accept you and what is going on in your life and offer support and help through the rough times.  These friends are true friends and are hard to find, but when you do, you need to cultivate and nurture them so that they last.  When I tell you that you need to start learning how to live again, these are the ones that are going to swoop in, help dispel the despair and darkness that has descended upon you.  Because believe it or not when something major happens in your life depression is virtually inevitable, it is your friends that will bring joy and light back into your life and help you over the rough times.

Another thing that you have to do is find a new outlet, something that you enjoy and love to do.  This will help take your mind off of your problem or issues and allow you to start enjoying yourself again.  Remember that sometimes we have to immerse ourselves in a new project to take our mind away from our own problems.  I have found that listening to other's problems and issues helps take my mind off of my own issues and offers me an outlet in which I can help someone else and ease their problems.  I have found myself often times offering to help others which in turn actually helps me with my own issues.  See, each experience is a learning experience and believe it or not, most of the time someone is going through something similar to what I am going through and by helping them, helps me figure out what to do in my own life.

One of my earlier blog entries was about how do we get over the death of someone that we love, and what I have found is that we never truly get over their loss.  Our friends can help ease the pain, bring back joy and life into our lives and help motivate us to get up and out and do things again.  Because death, illness, or tragedy often holds us to in place, keeps us from going out and doing things.  One of my dearest friends lost her husband of 24 years recently and according to her daughter the passing sucked the life out of the house and her mother, she asked me to come and help out which is what I have done.  I can tell you that since I have been here that the energy level has changed in the house. No one is sitting idle wallowing, we are getting out and doing things and the depression and darkness that was once here has virtually vanished.  Now, I cannot make the pain of her loss go away, I can only make her laugh and take her mind off of the sadness for short periods of time.  But keeping her busy and giving something other to think about seems to be helping out greatly.  On top of that my partner's sister had a baby and that has breathed new life into our little family and that has also helped take our minds off of our problems.  It is amazing how things work out.

As you know yesterday I talked about how each of us has come through such trials in 2012 and how I am expecting a huge turn around in 2013.  My hope is that my message love, forgiveness, compassion and acceptance is taken on by each and everyone of us as the new year begins.  Please take the time to tell those that have stood by you how much you love and appreciate them. That they mean so much and have touched you in so many ways.  Sometimes we don't do that enough, and we really need to let others know exactly what they mean to us.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

December 19th Status Update

This year has been a tough year for everyone of my friends, and me as well.  I am thankful that it is finally drawing to a close, and on the heels of all the hard times comes several blessings that I want to share with you.  Every day cannot be a picnic and something I have learned coming through 2012 is that you have to take the good with a measure of bad.  But, with hope and faith things will work out for the best, whether you want to believe that or not, it is really true.  As we went through the Thanksgiving holiday we all stopped and gave thanks for the things that we were most thankful in our lives.  But, that was just one point in the year, we need to take a closer look at our daily lives and be thankful daily for the small things that happen to us.  Once you begin to do that you are going to see that the smallest things add up together, these little blessings may not seem to mean much, but when you take a step back and look at how they multiply you will be amazed at just what you can have come through.

As 2012 draws to a close, I have to tell you that I have a new family, that has opened their hearts and home to me and accepted me with open arms.  They have done everything they can to make me feel like I am a part of their family and special.  For someone that hasn't actually enjoyed Christmas or the holidays in many many years, this has been a big shock and surprise.  Since coming out to California my life has been filled with such joy and happiness that it is hard to contain.  God has been so good to me this past year, has brought me such loving and caring friends both in Florida and in California that I can hardly believe how lucky I have been.  Everyone one of us has a story, something that we had to face and come through in 2012 and here we are we have made it. There have been people that have inspired us, motivated us and given us the strength to push onward even when it seemed the darkest.  This holiday season take the time to reach out to those that have been around you and by your side, give them the praise that you feel in your heart.  Tell them how much you appreciate them, and all that they have done for you.  None of us could have made it through this year without our support group, our family and friends that stood by us in our times of trouble and despair.  These are the ones that have made it possible for you to look back and marvel at all that you have endured and come through and deserve the highest praise.

Though I can't put everyone's story out there I want to point out a few that have inspired me and given me hope for a brighter tomorrow and a happier future.  These are stories that show strength, compassion and love.  These are fighters that even when the toughest of times seemed too much to bear they pushed ever onward and have come through.  I know a lot of you think that I am something of an inspiration through everything that I have come through, but I have a dear friend that lost her husband of many many years, who opened up her heart and her home to let me come out to visit.  She has started to live again and with just a little visit and several hugs brought Christmas back into my life.  Then there is her daughter who I have been close to since she was 8 years old that told me what was happening and wanted me to come.  These two have shown me what the meaning of Christmas is all about, love, hope, happiness and joy, even inspite of troubles.  Here is the unique thing about me and my friend, whenever we are apart our energies and lives seem to get off track and turned upside down, most of the time a phone call between us will straighten out our course, though sometimes it takes a bit more like a visit.  I can tell you that since being here I haven't felt this good and strong in a long time. The depression and despair that had seemed to fall over the house quickly evaporated once I got here.  Now with the Christmas tree up and house all decorated it seems like life is finally coming back to the house.    Then there is my friend and partner who while I was going through my own health crisis's and issues in Florida was going through his own all the way across the country.  Even though at times he wasn't sure about "Us" or "Me", we made it through and are together.  Speaking of him, he just had neuro-surgery just two weeks ago, and what a boost to his self-confidence and self-esteem it has been.  I haven't ever seen him this happy or excited since I have met him. Another friend of mine found himself in a horrible living situation that did nothing but weigh him down and destroyed his health. Yet, through it all he maintained a positive outlook and repeatedly demonstrated his strength of character in all of his emails and Facebook postings.  It takes a strong person to endure circumstances like that, and to do it with such grace and love it has truly been inspiring.  I am also wanting to mention my new family Voncellar, CeCe and Mary, thank you so much for being the greatest influence on your son/brother/grandson, and accepting me whole-heartedly into your family making this one of the best Christmas's ever!  Then there are my friends at the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau who have been there with me through every hospitalization, every health crisis and personal /emotional crisis I have gone through this year.  Even though each of them had their own health issues, and problems they made me feel accepted and part of their circle. Thank you guys you don't know how much you all mean to me.  You are my family!

I know times are tough, money is tight, and Christmas this year might not be as perfect as you want it to be, just know that Life doesn't always seem to work out as it is planned or pictured. It can be better or worse depending on your point of view. Even non perfect circumstances can bring contentment and happiness. Though we may wish for the perfect picture of our minds eye, understanding that you just might not get it makes it that much easier to accept. I have often been filled with disappointments by not understanding this little concept, but this year I have a whole new set of eyes and a brand new understanding of how things truly are.  We have to make our own happiness, our own perfect moments, don't wait around for life to give them too you.  If you do, you will be closed off to new and wondrous things that are out there waiting for you.  Understanding this will also help you to understand that even though you aren't exactly where you want to be, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  Nothing worth having comes easy.  It is the stuff that you have to work hard for and struggle with that are the things you treasure the most.  As this year ends make sure you ring it out with good cheer and a song in your heart. Let go of the past, surrender yourself to the future, take that leap of faith and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are going to be happier and more successful in the new year than you ever have been before.

Even as I am getting ready to close this entry, a miracle of life has been granted to my family.  We are welcoming our newest member born just a few minutes ago a new nephew.  A new year, and a new life, what better symbol of hope can there be!

I love you all and wish you a very happy holiday season. Make sure you give praise to those that deserve it, cordiality to those that don't and share the joy and happiness of Christmas and New Years with all around you.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Expect the Unexpected...

As most of you are aware the first few days of December have been extremely busy for me. We had rehearsal for the play “Faces of AIDS” on Thursday November 29^th and the actual live performance was on December 1^st. Now keep in mind that December 1^st is World's AIDS Day and it is also my birthday. This year I turned 44, which is surprising and amazing in itself since no one ever thought I was going to make it to be this old. But you know God has different ideas and plans for our lives and if our work on earth isn't finished then he just might not bring you home. Actually if you want to know that truth of the matter my life started picking up speed right before Thanksgiving and hasn't actually slowed down yet. But as I was saying since I was co-author of the play and a member of the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau and this was a benefit to raise funds for our organization to help us meet the grant requirements, it was my duty to help set up the space and get us ready for the performance. However since it was my birthday I was expected to make an appearance at my dad's place to have a little celebration before the rehearsal and set up, so that is just what I did and it worked out well, I was able to get to the Museum of Arts and Sciences early and help the cast get all set up and organized. Now when I tell you that the performance was awesome, a good time was had by all, I am not selling us short. For the amount of time we had to rehearse and get this under our belts we did a fabulous job. We had a great turn out and when we opened it up to questions and answers the audience participation was excellent. I want to again tell the members of the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau once again, Good Job, Well Done and I am so proud of you.

But that was just the beginning of the adventure that was going to start on December 1^st, after the Faces of AIDS Benefit, most of us went on to the Streamline Hotel for another fund-raising event that was to benefit Outreach Community Care Network an AIDS Service Organization of which I am a client of. They are the organization that helps administer the Ryan White Title funding for Volusia and Flagler counties. They are almost like a pride center, they offer medical services, case management, and a whole host of other services. But I digress as usual here. The benefit at the Streamline Hotel was in Tribute and Remembrance of Billie Boots. Who was a pioneer and champion in raising money for HIV and AIDS from the very beginning. I am proud to say that I knew Billie and the huge heart that he/she had for those infected and affected by HIV. For those of you that haven't figured it out Billie was a female impersonator or as some might call her a Drag Queen, no matter what your choice of titles for Billie, I will just say this an Entertainer that really loved Entertaining. Now back in the day when I first met Billie I was a struggling and aspiring female entertainer myself and I had a stage name of Idora Dixx and for years I traveled the drag circuit with folks like Billie Boots, Gilda Golden, Rusty Fawcett, Carmella Marcella Garcia, Paige King, Daniel Hunter and the list goes on. It was at this fundraiser at the Streamline that I ran into my past and reconnected with some great friends and entertainers that I had lost touch with over the years. It was a fabulous night and a great time supporting a worthy cause.

It was also that night that my tooth broke, so Monday I spent the day trying to get in to see a dentist to get it fixed, and then start packing, because my friend Judy decided to call me Sunday December 2^nd and pay for my plane ticket out to L.A. Then Tuesday came and I had an appointment with the dentist in Orlando so my friend Mary Bennefield and I jumped in the car and drove to Orlando to see the dentist only to be sent away because I had an infection and my insurance would only cover extracting the tooth. Wednesday my friend had neuro-surgery and I promised to take Mary grocery shopping and run errands. Thursday I had to clean house, do laundry, meet with the Vocational Rehabilitation people and so many other things. Because I was leaving on my trip to California on Friday. Now normally I am not so manic, but I really wanted to get the house clean and everything put up so that when I came home from this trip everything would be done and I wouldn't have to do anything but come home and relax. Because in my experience I usually need a vacation from the vacation because I am one of those people that is always on the go.

Now the whole reason why I am telling you all of this stuff is to demonstrate that we need to always expect the unexpected and be amazed and surprised when miracles happen in our lives. Because let me tell you a bit more about this past week, the things that just jumped out at me and happened. These are not all bad things, most of them have been pleasant revelations and I want to demonstrate them to you. See the way things were happening, me being sick with pneumonia right after Thanksgiving, the play rehearsals, then the benefits, I just had no time to think let alone do anything but react. Because of that I was open to the unexpected and great things happened. I think in a way because I wasn't feeling well, and so much was happening around me, my mind just disconnected and I was open to receiving the unexpected. Now what am I talking about by the unexpected? Well let me tell you, the unexpected are events that take place around you and include you that you are unprepared for totally. That being said I will use the play event as an example, even though I had helped write the script for the play and helped with stage managing and blocking the cast, I wasn't actually prepared mentally for the performance. I had just been out of the hospital for 7 days and my mind couldn't remember my lines to save my life. But when it came down too it and I was on the stage and the action was happening around me, a peace settled over me, it almost seemed like time slowed down, and the action around me faded just a little, and the words poured out of my mind and mouth like I knew what they were supposed to be. That my friends is the unexpected. Moving on, I was exhausted and my feet hurt from being on them all day, I had no intention of going to the Streamline that night, but I had never been there before and everyone was talking about going and somehow I just agreed and went. Bam! The unexpected happened, not only did I have a fantastic time and got to hangout with my new friends from the Speakers Bureau, I also ran into some very old and dear friends from my past. I actually reconnected with a few, exchanged numbers and have made plans with them for after my trip to California. So see, the unexpected just jumped out at me and happened. The rest of the week was just happening so fast and everything was a blur, I didn't think I would even have time to catch my breath let alone get everything done that I wanted to get done before I left, but as I shut the door on my apartment this morning I smiled on with contentment everything was completed and done before my father ever showed up to take me to the airport.

Here is another example of expect the unexpected, and it wasn't necessarily a good thing either, see the unexpected can be either good or bad depending on the situation and the circumstances that surround it. I got up this morning had a few last minute things to pack, which I had put out in the living room by the suitcase so I would see them when I got up, I got all of that done with remarkable precision, even had the ticket laying on the coffee table in a place where I would see it and pick it up. Dad got there and I scooted around to get him the stuff I wanted him to take home because I thought it might go bad while I was gone. As we left out I gave the keys to my neighbor so she could collect my mail for me and stuff, and had dad take me to the gas station to get an electronic cigarette so I could have something to smoke on while I was in the airport and on the plane. Once I paid for it and got back in the car I looked around and couldn't find my itinerary or e-tickets anywhere. I couldn't find them in the car, we went back to the gas station and they weren't there, and then we went back to my apartment and I looked around and couldn't find them anywhere. All my careful planning and making sure I had everything went right out the door. I had made dad come over early so I could be early to the airport. Got there just a little before noon and guess what the flight didn't leave until 3:55, it was supposed to leave at 1:52. Then my connecting flight in Charlotte was also delayed. Again, it is me, I should have expected the unexpected!

Honestly no matter how hard I try to plan something it always falls apart or turns out a colossal mess, however if I do things spontaneously and by the seat of my pants it usually turns out spectacular. I have been told that it is a part of my nature as dictated by my zodiac sign which is Sagittarius. I am not sure how true that is but I know that things seem to flow better and have better results when I just wing it as they say. So, what is it that I am trying to tell you in this article? I am telling you that you have to be open and flexible. Life rarely goes the way we want or plan, you have to accept the inevitable and just go with the flow, the unexpected isn't always negative, it can have some positive benefits as well just like in my examples. The truth is life just happens and no matter how carefully you plan, sculpt and try to make things happen, it might just go awry for no apparent reasons. Realizing this will cut down on the stress and disappointment you feel when it happens to you. I have told you before that life is messy, full of twisted and colorful characters, chance events and encounters, adventures and all sorts of things that will get you totally filthy dirty if you let it. Enjoy it, go out there and get crazy wild and totally dirty, but have fun doing it. Don't let your temper flair because your vacations plans got screwed up, go with the flow, enjoy yourself. I am sure that if you just let it go, go with the flow and enjoy yourself no matter what you are going to have the time of your life.

Life is crazy, hectic, and doesn't conform nicely or neatly into rigid roles, rules and plans, so you have to expect that you are going to be thrown a curve-ball every now and then, that your plans are never going to happen as you expect them to and that you have to be flexible and enthusiastic enough to just go with it and enjoy it. This trip started off pretty good and I am rolling with the flow here, and I am happy that I did, I haven't gotten upset or stressed out at all and this is going to be the best trip ever, wanna know why? Cuz, I found out that my boyfriend is coming to meet me tomorrow which is totally unexpected, but totally welcome. Again expect the unexpected and be open to change. It is all about acceptance and adaptability.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B