Monday, January 26, 2015

My Mother Forwarded this Message too me...Pretty Funny!

I have often felt like this: What about You?

An Itinerary for 2015:

                       I have been in many places, but I've never
                       been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go
                       alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
                       I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one
                       recognizes you there.
                       I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have
                       an airport; you have to be driven there. I
                       have made several trips there, thanks to my
                       children, friends,
                       Family and work.
                       I would like to go to Conclusions, but you
                       have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical
                       activity anymore.
                       I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place
                       to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
                       I've been in Flexible, but only when it was
                       very important to Stand firm.
                       Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more
                       often as I'm getting older.
                       One of my favorite places to be is in
                       Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing
                       and pumps up the old heart!
                       At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
                       I may have been in Continent, but I don't
                       remember what country I was in. It's an age
                       thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
                       */PLEASE DO YOUR PART!/*
                       You can do your bit by remembering to tell this too
                       at least one unstable person.
                       My job is done! Life is too short for negative
                       drama and petty Things. So laugh insanely,
                       love truly and forgive quickly!
                       From one unstable person to another. I hope
                       everyone is happy in your head - we're all
                       doing pretty well in mine!

If you think about it the author takes some very valid and interesting states and makes them see like physical locales.  I really do feel like I have been to some of these places, maybe even been a frequent visitor there during my life.

Just think about I bet you will find that you have been to many of them yourself.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Friday, January 23, 2015

Reflections of the past

Sometimes I sit and ponder the what if's and could have been's  of my life.  I wonder where I would be had I not made some of the choices that I did.  Would I still be working for the State of Georgia, would Joe and I still be together, and would we still have the vending machine business, the house in Snellville and the cabin in Blue Ridge?

These reflections aren't painful now, but were once, I have learned so much from the time I left Florida and moved to Atlanta.  I found out that you can't change your life for another person, because in the long run they aren't going to appreciate it.  They are going to do something foolish and the next thing you know so are you.   Had Joe never started smoking Meth, and me getting involved in the whole thing, my life would have been totally different.

I wouldn't have met some of the people that I have along the way.  I wouldn't have gotten to experience all the different things that life showed me when I was living on Buford highway and again when I moved back to East Point. Nor would the brief stay in Dallas have marred my relationship with Victoria.

See, I know where my life veered off course, and I can see the issues that it caused.  I am no longer sad, because at least I did those things, experienced them and had some fun along the way.  I am sorry that Joe and Victoria got hurt, and that in my cavalier attempt to solve the problems, I found that running away to be the expedient answer.  I am older now and I look back and I see the image of the man I was and the person I am today, and I am a totally different person, living in a totally different world. I am still on the fringes of the old drug infested life, but I feel the change in the wind and I know that I am going to be carried away in a different direction.

I know in my heart that I am not young anymore, that there are limitations to my physical abilities, but they have not changed much in 10 years, so what am I bemoaning about, what is the problem that is holding me steadfast to the past.  Why can't I let the past rest in peace and overcome this obstacle?the answer seems to be me!

It is doubt my friend, doubt keeps you locked in place, freezes your steps and won't let you make a move.  Fear is also a factor, what if I fail and what will happen to me then? These are the troubled thoughts that clog your mind and keep you from action and change.  It is what keeps you in that dark place and keeps the light from clearing it all away.  As I said in my last entry that I have had patches of light in my darkness, but I see clearly that I could move forward if I just let go of the past.  Forget where I have been and let go of the fears that are holding me captive.

I look in the mirror and I see a shadow of the person I used to be. A shell, a caricature.  I used to be a powerhouse, a go-getter.  When I set my mind to a task or wanted something I went out and did it. I had no fear, I was confident and sure in my knowledge and grabbed what I want.  Now, time has caught me, I am older, handicapped, different than I used to be.  I have had the colostomies, I have had so many surgeries and injuries and hospital stays, that I fear I will never find someone who could or would accept me the way I am in the gay community.

I am afraid that I will die alone, a very lonely and painful death. Unloved and not mourned by anyone other than my family and close friends.  See, I know the gay community, I know that they look for the perfect man, they want the washboard abs, the bulging peck muscles, the young stallions, not someone old and frail like me.  So, I keep looking to my past to the ones that have loved me before that know my illness and what I have been through, hoping desperately that one would come back into my life.

Yet, I know that isn't likely to happen. I know that the problems of the past that caused us to break up will most likely still be an issue once more.  So I am in a catch 22 sort of situation. But I am starting to finally come to terms with my life and what it has become. I am starting to finally become comfortable with my body, and the limitations it has.  I think that I may even be ready to take a baby step forward.  We shall see mon a'mi!

Looking backwards into the past will keep you wondering and wandering in the darkness, it will keep you locked into your doubts, and can lead to depression and despair.  Please don't let your fears keep you in place.  Don't be like me and waste so much of your life clinging to the baggage of the past that you forget to live in the moment.

A reflection doesn't always reveal the truth, you have to look closer.  I have said that I see a dim shadow of the man I was. But the secret to all of this is that I still see him, and if I see him, I can still be him.  I just need to get my confidence and courage and move forward.  I have to let go totally of the past and move on.  Was I happy in the past? Oh, definitely at times! Yet, there were times when I was saddened.  Reflections are only 2 dimensional they aren't the total picture.

Don't let your reflection and the face staring back at you hold you in your past. Release it, let it go, live in the moment.  Enjoy the vibrant color and texture of life. See how much more fun and relaxed you will be when you are just living in the moment.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

When you make time still

Last night we talked about how life comes out of darkness and from strife comes change.  I wanted to talk to you more about darkness and moments in our lives when we need to sit back and reflect.  Each of us comes to a point in our lives when we look back over our life and are disheartened by where we are at.  Most of the time this comes when we are down and are trying to figure out which way we have to go.  Darkness has descended on our lives and our emotions are all embroiled.  I reflect back and I look at where I am today and I am saddened because I sometimes feel like I have been a complete failure.  My father said once that Bryan look at your life and what you have lost, you are 46 years old and you should know better.  You cannot help everyone, some people don't want saving, and they just want to take advantage of you and your kindness. You should be so much more secure in your life and situation.  FAILURE is what that message screamed to me, making me feel even worse about myself and the my life.

See, I never thought that at 46 I would be living back at my dad's struggling to get back on my feet and to turn my life around.  If you look back at where I have been and what I had you will begin to realize that my life wasn't so bad.  But from my current vantage point it is just so much easier to see where I am and not where I have been.  Yes, I miss my home, my cars, my friends, my old life, but the loss was not of my own doing.  I had some fault in the matter, but illness took the center stage in my life and rewrote my story.  This can happen to anyone, no matter where you are at in life and what you have achieved, illness can come in and with a wide sweeping reach can take everything away in a blink.  I have been going through a very dark place for a very long time, and it will never be over.  What I look forward to is the bits of light that break through that darkness and for a little bit light my path.  In other words, from 2005 till now I have been in and out of hospitals constantly and have been fighting for my life. I have been sick and there doesn't seem to be an end to this in sight. Yet, there have been spots in this turmoil where I have met friends, partners and lovers, that have made life bearable.

During those times of darkness and when the doubt and despair creep in, I need to take the time to reflect and make time stand still. I need to look back at my life and see the whole thing. See the bigger picture.  See, it isn't where I am at that is important. No, it was the journey that brought me here.  It is what has molded me, crafted me and made me into the person I am today.  When I look at all I have done, been and accomplished my life doesn't seem so bleak at all.  As a matter of fact my life starts looking to like a plot to a movie or a great fast paced book.  I have had such a colorful past, many interesting friends and have been into so many things and through so much drama that you would think that I couldn't have possibly lived like that.  Trust me, anyone that knows me can tell you that I have had a very blessed and magical life.  So,  when I take the time to actually reflect and see the entire picture the story doesn't seem so hopeless or tragic, on the contrary it starts to look pretty darn good.

In our darkest times and we are stuck without light I believe that there comes a point just before the light crests the horizon that we come to terms with whatever it is that we are going through and just at the perfect precise moment that all things seem possible to us.  Like life is renewing itself and everything starts to seem right again in the world.  Now, you might be wonder what in the world am I talking about.  If you remember back to an article I wrote in 2012 I told you that there are no perfect moments in our lives, that time waits for no one and we have to create those special moments by doing little things to make those moments memorable forever.  It is my belief that during our trials, tribulations and pain, there comes a single moment when we have made a decision to change and have started to take steps on that new path that a moment of clarity comes to us and we know that what we are doing is possible.

This is just another point in my discussion that strengthens my argument that out of darkness comes life.  That the strife that we face in life (darkness) is the catalyst for change. During our journey through that time of darkness there comes a moment in our thought process where we begin to look for answers and an escape from the trouble that is hounding us.  I believe that when we sit back and reflect on our lives, and see the journey and the destinations we have had along the way we make time still and our mind calms and we can see all the possible solutions to our situation.

Just keep this in mind that everything changes, and you have to too in order to evolve. Nothing last forever, and in the darkness everything seems possible at some points.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Catalyst for change!

Someone told me last week that out of darkness comes life, and I have been thinking on that all week. I had been sick and I am sorry that I haven't been able to write, but I am starting to feel a little better with the antibiotics.  Anyhow we were talking about life coming from darkness.  The Bible tells us in the beginning there was darkness and God spoke and there was light, then He created the earth.

Have you ever noticed when your life is turned upside down and you can't seem to figure out which way to turn, let alone figure out what to do and how to solve the issue or the problem that your life seems to take on a new direction and path that you have no idea where it is going to lead you?  Well, I have several times and at these moments my life totally changed and went in a different direction and brought me to a new destination.  I believe that these dark times or trouble times are way points on the road of life.  They make us re-evaluate our entire situation, and though it may seem bleak and you feel desperate and alone you are not.  God is with you!

I know it is difficult sometimes to just let go and leave it up to God, Fate, or whatever you believe.  But, the saying that my grandmother used to say to me all the time, this too shall pass.  Trust me everything has it's time and season.  Nothing last forever and even though our problems don't always go away when we want them too or get resolve exactly as we thought they should.  They are resolved exactly as the should.  Fate takes us to where we need to be.

So, what exactly do I mean catalyst for change?  It is my opinion and belief that we, mankind, only learn our lessons through pain.  Follow me on this, there is a certain amount of grief and pain we feel whenever we hit the dark spots in our lives.  They always say it's "always darkest before the dawn" and I believe that to be true.  What do I exactly mean by this, well for each trial we go through a lesson is learned and I bet there was either physical or emotional pain involved in this life changing event.

Like this month, I ended up running short on money because of some very poor management of my funds. I thought I was going to have to struggle and that I wouldn't have enough food to eat for the rest of the month or gas to get to the appointments that I have.  I was worried, upset at myself for the frivolous spending and full of regret.  However, I left the situation in God's hands, was completely honest with myself that I was foolish to purchase what I did. However the damage, was done and I was eagerly awaiting the UPS to deliver what I had order.  I think most people go through something like this whenever they make a big purchase, I call it buyers remorse, guilt over buying something that you wanted.  It would be different if what you purchased was needed. But this item was a want and a must have.

Needless to say this was a bit of a dark period for me.  Just a minor storm on the sea of life and just a little example.  A bigger example would be the point when in August I went to the imaging center to have an MRI of my back.  I could hardly get up from the bed let alone do much of anything else because my back hurt so bad.  But, I drove to the center, got in the door and was in a wheelchair and in less than an hour I was in the hospital to stay till November.  It was a long hard journey, I was told I would never walk again that my life would be forever altered because I would need to have extra aid in walking and getting around.  But, I did as I always do, I prayed and I plodded on, did what I could and let go of the rest. Here I am now out of the hospital and I still have pain in my back but nothing like I did when I went to the hospital.  I have trouble coughing or yawning because my rib cage is partially compressed which doesn't allow my lungs to fully expand.

Because of that infection and the damage done to my spine, my life will forever be changed. I will not be able to lift heavy objects, fully expand my lungs and I will have to stay on some form of pain pills or substance to keep me going.  I have had to change my lifestyle quite a bit to make the concessions this new body is requiring.  Now I have to depend on other people for help grocery shopping, carrying items too and from my car, doing my laundry and anything requiring me to stand for any length of time.  The pain becomes so great then my legs stop working, I have loss of strength on the left side of my body still and my leg still gives out whenever it wants too.

I made it through. I kept remember that everything has an expiration date, and moves on with time. No matter the trouble you are going through, someone else out there is going through something worse.  If you try and keep that in mind your mountain might not seem to be as high as it was a first glance.  Humans have a tendency to over-react to situations, they panic, and worry especially me. I am the worrier, I have a vivid imagination and every possible bad thing seems to run through my mind before I have even analyzed the problem correctly. So my molehill becomes a giant mountain and I don't know how to climb it, scale its sides or make it around.  These are the things that I call darkness in our lives.  Another, could be the loss of a loved one, the repossession of a house or car. Any disaster that hits our lives head on without any warning.

Pain causes us to change our course.  We either have to climb and scale the mountain or go around somehow.  We aren't perfect and we make bad choices and decisions and we have to live with the consequences.  So when is it that we make this life altering changes?  Not in the average every day problem. But those disasters that derail us from our goals.  They rob us of our breathe and cause us great anxiety or suffer some huge loss.  My friend lost her mother, and her brother within seven months of each other, and while she was planning the funeral for her brother, still mourning her mother's passing, her house was repossessed and she was given a court order to abandon the family home within 3 days.  Now, that is a disaster, a life changing event.  It was a dark time for her, and even now 9 months later she is still reeling from that disaster, but she did what she had to do and stayed true to herself and her faith.

I was trying to figure out the amount of pain it takes to make us change our ways, habits, lifestyles.  I would say it takes and earth shattering, mind blowing, rock bottom place before we change and make a new path for ourselves to walk upon.  I recently lost my best friend and partner, he decided to leave and fulfill other obligations.  But, because of his decision and lack of communication it caused a great deal of hurt, pain and eventually loss.  Not to mention right after that I got the infection in my back and started the downward  spiral in my health.  This loss caused me to re-evaluate my needs and desires.  I went from a 2 bedroom to a one bedroom and started to minimize my possessions. I took and fulfilled my needs and not my wants.

So, darkness, light, pain, trouble. are these the catalyst for change?  Yes and no.  Trouble and pain are found in the darkness, and when they are exposed to the light the change occurs.  So in a way light at the end of the tunnel is a sign that change is coming to you. That you have journey over the mountain or made your way around it.  Keep in mind that anything done in the darkness eventually comes to light.  Meaning whatever you have done in secret or in a hurtful manner will eventually be exposed.  Things that flourish in darkness such as despair, loneliness, depression, anxiety all of these things fade when expose to the light because the light cannot tolerate them, happiness, truth, and change are things of the light and they can't survive long in darkness.

Putting out positive bring you positive back.  No one can make you change anything except you.  You have to hit the absolute rock bottom, see no way out, no future, have no hope and even then if you don't have the desire to change you won't. All you will do is wallow in your self-pity, indulge your sense of despair and hopeless. You will wander around in the darkness and suffer until you make the change.  Your tolerance for pain, humiliation and degradation are great and I have myself wallowed in self-pity and been on self-destructive paths, so I know what I am talking about.  Take a chance, walk out in faith and grab the light, for in it you will excel and you will see that your issue, problem, addiction or whatever the issue is cannot keep you down forever.  Remember, everything in this life has and expiration date and that means it isn't permanent and won't last forever, you can and will come through it.  Whether or not it changed you is totally up to you.

Change comes in many forms, and the road of life is not a straight shot, it is rocky, got lots of potholes, obstacles and way point along the way.  It is this journey that makes us into the people we are today.  Keep an open mind be flexible and not afraid of change.  Keep moving forward and do the best that you can do and learn from every obstacle you hit.  Because if you aren't learning you aren't actually living you are just surviving. You could be lost or stuck in a rut but you will never get out if you aren't open to change.  You don't have to continually endure the pain, there is a way out, you just have to find it.

As always my hope and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Real man in a relationship

A friend of mine had posted this in our group and I thought I would share it with you because I believe there is great truth in this young man's words and thoughts. Thank you Ely for letting me share your wisdom!
"A real man treats his partner like a priority, not an option. A real man shows his love through his everyday actions. And a real man doesn't have to be reminded..."

I have to say Amen to that because he is preaching to the choir here.  I have been trying to tell people this sentiment but I have never had it broken down to me in such a way.  This is truly a young man who has an old soul and a wisdom way beyond his years.  

You can and You will succeed

Let me tell you a little story about my mom.  Last Easter she was finally able to return to her home after spending 9 long months in a nursing home.  She had every reason to doubt that she would ever leave that nursing home.  The doctors, physical therapists and nurses all told my mother the same thing.  That she would never be able to walk again, that she would spend the rest of her life in that wheelchair.  But, my mother is a woman of prayer and has faith in God and continually prayed for healing and respite.  Over those 9 months she showed great progress but still no one ever thought that she would be able to walk again, and that she wouldn't be able to adjust to this new life that she found herself in.

Now, she had ever right to become depressed and despondent. She was all alone in Pennsylvania and stuck in a nursing home without any visitors except maybe the pastor and his wife,  but because the pastor also works full-time visits were few and even sometimes rare.  My mother told me that each phone call I made to her while she was in there was like having a visit or someone actually coming in to see you.  It broke the monotony of the day and switched up the routine.  I also know this from my own recent incursion at a local nursing home for rehabilitation.

Both, my mother and I had infections that attacked our back and spinal column.  Her's was much worse than mine, she actually developed a huge abscess that actually ruptured and spilled out into her system.  After 9 or 10 hours of washing and cleansing that internal sore out an accident occurred and the nerve endings to her lower body were cut.  She was told as I have stated that she would be paralyzed and in that wheel chair forever.  I was told something very similar during my stay in the rehab center.  Yet, as of today I am walking free and clear without having to rely on a walker or a cane.  My mother called me this evening and told me that she actually got a cart at the grocery store and was able to walk the entire store without any assistance or aid. The wheel chair was left in the car and she did it on her own.

 Both my mother and me have great testimonies that we could share with you and in most cases I have shared mine with you.  But the reason why I am bringing this up tonight is that I feel the need to remind not only myself but you as well that no matter what the situation, disaster, illness, or disability befalls us.  if there is a Will there is a Way!

If you truly believe that you can do something you will be able to do it.  The mind is a very powerful thing, and if we have a need and a desire we can accomplish anything.  Remember that it is always darkest before the dawn.  Which means the hardest part is yet to come but we can see the light and we know that once we reach it everything will be alright.  I remind myself daily that nothing is permanent in this world and that everything passes.  My grandmother used to tell me "This too shall pass wait and see".  You know she was right!

Since 2012 I have been writing in this blog and I have been laying my life out in the open for anyone to see.  I don't think that it is wrong for me to do this because I have gone through so many things that I believe that someone out there is or has gone through some situation that has been or is similar to what I went through and if my experience can help them through in some way then my sharing was all for the better.  As many of you know I have been diagnosed with 6 separate terminal illnesses, yet I carry forward like nothing is wrong. People tell me that it is because I am strong and have a positive nature and outlook.  But honestly, I believe that 90% is prayer and 10% is believing that my prayers are being answered daily.

I have become so in-tuned and in-touch with God that I see and experience miracles everyday. Example, 2 weeks ago I was ordered by the court to attend a drug and alcohol screening to see if I needed to go through some classes to help me deal with addiction.  This was a mandatory condition of my probation and something that my probation officer set up for me.  I had to meet with this counselor and pay $20 and let her evaluate and scrutinize every part of my life. But, as I was sitting there talking with the lady something miraculous happened, I felt a peace come over me and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Spirit of the Lord had come into the room and that I wasn't going to have to do any classes.  As a matter of fact we talked for a bit longer and she asked me to look at her computer and fix it.  Guess, what I did and for the time I spent working on her computer she paid me $20.

This was a tremendous blessing because that was my last $20 that I had and it was still several days till I got my next check.  But, as I have always told you.  You never know where a casual conversation is going to lead you.  By taking my time and actually opening up to this counselor and telling her the absolute truth about my drug usage a miracle was performed.  I knew that there was no sense to lie to her she had access to my entire record so she would have know if I was lying.  Plus, it was easier to talk with her once I told her why should I lie, I would only get caught and she agreed with me.  From that meeting she has contact the organization that I am a member of the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau and has asked for one our speakers to come in and talk to her groups to teach them all about HIV, AIDS and awareness.

You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this, and it is because I want you to know that you can and will succeed at every endeavor that is thrown your way and every obstacle that is in your path, and why do you think that is? Because if you "can conceive it and believe it you will achieve it." For every storm there is a lull or an eye it is when it seems to lighten up a bit and you have a temporary respite from the weather, but there is still more to come and you need to brace yourself for it. Always look for the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining in the clouds, Light dispels the darkness, chases away the shadows, and will eat away at the doubts and depression that are filling your mind.  It is that speck of light in the distance that gives you hope, and pulls you ever onward toward it. Once you see that light you know you are almost home free and that you have made it through. It is not always easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel and those storm clouds can be mighty dark. Just keep in mind what my grandmother used to tell me this too shall pass.  Trust me it will.  Nothing last forever!

The point I am trying to make here is that there is nothing that you cannot overcome. Nothing has permanence in this life and time keeps marching on so if you have the will and the drive you can over come any obstacle that life has in store for you. Just keep in mind that if you keep a positive outlook on life, then the storms and hardships aren't too hard for you to weather, because the negativity just rolls off you like water.

If you don't believe me in this look at my mother's story and tell me that her continued improvement and victories were because she had the will to overcome and she didn't let depression and negativity hold her down. She knew what she wanted and she did what she had to to accomplish that.  that is all I want for each and everyone of you.  To set your mind to a task and own it.  Set you will on it and make it your own because you can and you will succeed.

I am proud of the accomplishments my mother has made and it makes me feel good that she has progressed so far in such a short time. I am also proud of the strides I have made in my own personal life and health, because I know that when the physical therapist told me that I would never get out of that wheel chair, I just had to prove her wrong and I did everything I could to get myself out of that chair and I am so glad that I did.  It taught me that if there is a will and a want you can accomplish it no matter what the obstacles are.

Take each day one at a time.  Put your mind to a task and just do it. It might surprise you at what you can accomplish just by putting your mind to it.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

-Uncle B

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Words are just words without any action to support them?

What I mean by this is you tell me something that you want me to believe you need to have performed some kind of action to support the deed that you are telling me about.  It is so easy for us to lie to ourselves and even easier to lie to one another. Take it a different way, you tell me exactly what you think I want to hear and I am suppose to believe you on the basis of your statement.  However, how can I believe what you are telling me when I know you.  I have been around you and I know your actions and reactions to certain situations.  As a friend we learn each others habits, tricks and faces, and when someone tries to get over on you, The first thing that comes to mind is it's all a lie.

The phrase keeps coming to mind "Actions speak louder than words" and that is a universal truth.  The Bible even states that God helps those that helps themselves.  In order for us to show our sincerity we have to be able to show actionable proof that we did something, that we accomplished something and that we aren't just full of bull.  I know it is so easy to fall into a pattern of telling others what we think they want to hear, but we are just fooling ourselves, the other person knows we are full of it and that we didn't  do what we are claiming.

It is so important more now than ever to be true to yourself. By this I mean you have to be brutally honest with yourself. You have to practice every day speaking the truth and only the truth.  If you can master that then you are on the right track.  Your deeds and your words will reflect one another and you become a person of integrity.  See integrity is something that is so important today, money is scarce, jobs are hard to find and we are all struggling in some way or another. If you are a person of integrity you live as you preach. You are a man or woman of your word.  Nothing can persuade you from that path.  It is important for others to know that they can trust and count on you and that is the other part of integrity.

So let me break this down to you. Integrity is practicing what we preach, being 100 percent honest with ourselves and others, as well as being someone that another person can count on and trust in. There are too many people out there that are living in half truths and lies and they are expecting the rest of the world to believe them and the lies that they are selling. These are the people that you need to avoid and keep out of your life.  You are here to make a change. To be better than you were and are, and in order to do this you must remain positive, faithful and truthful.  The old adage is 100 percent dead on when they say " The Truth Shall Set You Free ".  Try it I am sure you are going to get used to it.

That's right I believe that each and everyone of us needs to work on this issue. That we need to train ourselves and make ourselves be truthful not only to others but to ourselves as well.  It is the nature of a man to tell a lie than to risk hurting another's feelings.  I know this to be true because I catch myself at this all the time and I have to remember. That I would rather someone be 100 percent honest to my face and give me 15 minutes of pain, than for me to find out the truth from someone else the truth, because my pain is going to be so much worse having to find out the truth from another source.  My trust will be broken with you and once trust is broken it is so hard to build back.

What am I trying to ell you in this entry? Exactly what I said at the beginning words are just words.  Words can be used for communication, they can be used to build someone or something up, they can be used to hurt, maim or injure another.  But, words are just that without any action behind them. As I have told you before, the worst wounds that another can inflict are wounds caused by words.  Words that are spoken in anger, haste, or to tear down or degrade another person are words that cause wounds that will never heal.  Trust will be lost, hope, faith, and even self-confidence can be ultimately destroyed by the words another inflicts upon you.

Yet, I have been saying that words without action are just words and that is true. However, using words to wound are words in action, you are openly telling someone something about another, or you are taking something that was given to you in trust and throwing back at the person who entrusted you and that is both deed and action combined.  Why am I telling you this? Is this something that is important?  I believe it is!  Unintentionally I believe that someone has maligned my character, said stuff about me to get others to think about me a certain way.  Now they know that they are lying  but again they are trying to please another so they say hurtful and untruthful things.

An example of this recently came into my life through a bitter conversation with another person. This person claimed that because of my illness and surgeries that my anus was sown shut and that I couldn't have sex that way,  Now I know that this was said to hurt me and make me feel bad about myself, but here is the rub. I don't have to respond or acknowledge that attack because I know and understand the truth of the situation.  However, for arguments sake I will clarify my situation.  In the past I have had a bowel resection this is where a part of the intestine is removed the two remaining parts are then fused back together.  This causes a stricture or a narrowing of the walls,  Over time this narrowing becomes harder to relax and open because of scare tissue.  So the truth of the matter is this I can have sex that way.  But in order to relax those muscles sufficiently takes time and effort.  It is not impossible at all. So you see where I am going with this?  The attack on me was unfounded and was not grounded in truth, so I didn't get angry at the situation, but I knew where the faulty information came from immediately and it saddened me that they had to lie about me to make themselves feel better about themselves.

When ever someone comes at you with words, take a few minutes before responding and actually think about your response, you will find that if you do this, it will unbalance the conversation and it will allow you to reveal the truth and your actions and words will demonstrate union where the other person will not be able substantiate what they have said.

Be careful with words, especially around children.  Words are powerful and can do great things or cause great harm.  Always remember that if you are true to yourself and honest with yourself you will be the same with everyone else.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

-Uncle B