Thursday, March 26, 2015

Open your mouth let's talk about it! HIV is still alive and Well!

I am sickened once again and want to bring this subject back to your attention.  We are living in a day where HIV/AIDS isn't mainstream media coverage anymore, but it doesn't mean that it has gone away, isn't a threat, believe me it is still there and ready to jump on anyone it can come in contact with.  Remember, HIV doesn't care who you are, your ethnicity, your social status, or sexual preference, it will infect anyone that it comes in contact with.  I recently saw an article on the web about Atlanta, how more people there are being diagnosed with Full AIDS versus HIV.  That means there are too many people neglecting themselves.  It is everyone's job to Know Their Status.  It not only protects the one being tested but those they love and have sexual conduct with.

This morning a friend of mine sent me a report from POZ.Com which states that 91% of HIV passes from those that don't know their status or who are not in care.  This is a tremendous percentage and something that we need to talk about.  The United States has gone from a state of panic and awareness to a place of complacency and silence.  This is totally unacceptable!  Something must be done, and I am calling on you to help me reach out and spread the word.  I would like to see the end of HIV in my lifetime.  I have a group of friends and we go out and speak all the time trying to end fear, prejudice and misunderstandings about HIV/AIDS.  There are too many young people today that have no idea how they can contract the disease.  Today's youth those that are ages 17-30 don't seem to have a clue how or where they can contract this disease.  It is so bad in the area in which I live that a friend of mine was terrified the first time he came over to my house.  He didn't want to touch me, use any of my cups or utensils for fear of the disease, I didn't know it then.  But, by listening to me talk to others, he soon learned that HIV/AIDS wasn't something that could be picked up casually like an online date for the evening.  No, he found out that it was a blood borne disease and could only be transmitted if one had some type of mishap or had sexual relations without protection.

Once he explained to me how afraid he had been when he first met me, and how I had helped educated him on the disease all without my knowing that he was scared mind you.  This made me realize that I was doing something right.  I don't have a problem opening up to others and telling them my story.  I reveal to anyone who will listen my disease and what it can do and how it can be prevented.  The group I spoke about earlier is called the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau, whose aim it is to end stigma associated with HIV/AIDS, but we also seek to educated others about the disease, we try to show and demonstrate in our lives that this disease can happen to anyone. Our group is a cross-section of those we represent.  We are composed of both gay and straight men and women, minorities, and magnetic couples.  We don't discriminate at all we have come together with the realization that there is still too much ignorance in the world about this disease.  We all have different backgrounds, educations, religious preferences, nationalities  and races.  We are the changing Faces of AIDS.  No one on this planet is exempt from exposure and once you realize that the job of education and training becomes a much larger challenge.

Much to my dismay many of us who are infected find it hard to talk about our illness.  Why are we so shy when it comes to talking about HIV?  Many of the reasons could be: because of fear, fear of rejection, fear of being ridiculed, fear of being made and example of, fear of people making fun of us. Whatever it is that is keeping us from talking about it needs to be address and the only way to do that is by educating and personalizing the stigma associated with HIV/AIDs if we can rid ourselves of this fear we might more effectively reach a broader spectrum of people.  Fear and hysteria were hallmarks of the early years of this disease.  Widespread public panic forced pharmaceutical companies to invest billions of dollars into research, the government was pushed into action by appropriating money toward research, and the CDC was born.  Back then the new media broadcast stories about people suffering with AIDS, it became a household name.  But, fear ran wild in those days because there wasn't a clear understand of what the disease was or how it was transmitted.  It was commonly mislabeled as the Gay Disease, Gay Cancer, GRID and so forth.  However, this epidemic wasn't isolated to one specific group it soon moved to the rest of the population.  It went from an outbreak to and epidemic to a pandemic in less than 20 years.  There is still no cure for the disease but new testing has made early detection possible and new medications have come out that make it easier for an infected individual to live longer and stay healthier.   Times have changed and so have the attitudes of the people, but it is important to understand that just because these advancements come about doesn't mean that people aren't still dying from the disease.  Yes there is still money going into research, and everyday more and more information comes out about the virus.  But, it isn't news worthy, doesn't get the headlining like it used too.

Back in the 1990's a memorial quilt was made each panel was exactly 6' x 3' and was decorated by the people that loved and missed the person whose name was on the panel.  It used to be displayed all over the country at Gay Pride events.  Today, it has been retired and portions of it are displayed in Washington D.C. and other places.  Gay Pride events have become exaggerated craft fairs, concerts and commercialized, some education goes on but it is the secondary focus I am afraid.  Does the youth of today that visit these Pride events even know that there was a memorial AIDS Quilt?  Do they have any idea of what it was like to watch friends and family pass away with lesions and extreme complications to this horrible disease?  I don't think they do.  Those of us that are old enough to have lived through the 80's and 90's recall all of these things and so much more. We can tell you that the reason why the panels on the quilt were exactly 6' x 3' because it was the exact measurement of a coffin.  We were burying those we loved.  A whole was ripped into our society, loss and fear were rampant.  I would also hazard to guess that these younger generation kids don't even understand the significance of Gay Pride, and why we actually celebrate it yearly.  Who out there remembers the Stonewall Riots, the beginning of the Gay Pride movement, how we struggled for acceptance, equality and equal rights.  As I have said earlier times have changed, and we the custodians of knowledge have done a very poor job in educating those that come after us about the beginnings and reasons why we have some of the celebrations and memorial services that we do have.

If we can ever hope to get a handle on this disease and make sure that it finally ends within our lifetime is to take a bigger active role in this education process.  We have to shake these fears, and open our mouths, we must tell anyone who will listen about HIV/AIDS, dispel the lies, fears, and ignorance that surround this disease.  It can only get worse if we sweep it under the carpet and try to hide it. Does it really matter that people are living longer and are living healthier with the disease today?  Of course it does, but it doesn't end the hatred, fear, persecution and other stigmas associated with the disease.  Only by being transparent and letting the world know that we won't accept and tolerate these types of behavior anymore.  Plus, we need to emphasize the importance of getting tested regularly and KNOWING YOUR STATUS.

Please don't hide your head in the sand, it is everyone's responsibility.  How many of you know that 3 out of every 5 people you pass on the street are HIV positive and don't even know it.  Do you realize that in the United States that every 7 seconds another person is being diagnosed with HIV?  It is staggering to think about these things and yet so little is being done to educate our young people.  I live in Daytona Beach, Florida, and I live very close to Bethune-Cookman College which resides in the heaviest hit zipcode in Florida of HIV Infection.

Please take the time and talk to anyone around you who will listen to your story. You don't know who around you might need to be inspired by you and might gain hope just by hearing your testimony.  Encourage everyone you know to get tested regularly and to Know their Status, it might not only save their life, but those that they love and care about.

As always my hope and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Do you really think this way?

Tonight I have been tossing around several different ideas of what I wanted to write about.  I was sitting here talking to my friends all over the country. These are people that I have known for quite awhile, we are all older in our 30's and 40's.  Something came up in a discussion I was having with my dear friend Maritizio, I was explaining to him what had happened between me and my ex.  He knows both of us from our previous life in Atlanta, way before we relocated to Florida.  It dawned on me that the mentality of the people that I have dated in the past has certainly changed as I have gotten older.  See, when I was younger and serving in the Navy I had a boyfriend whose name was Andy.  We were together for a while but eventually as all things it ended.  Not really by choice I don't think but because of the situations we had found ourselves in.   He was still in the Navy and I ended up getting out. But, thinking back on my relationship with Andy, I realized that I could identify what was different.

It is my contention that those of us who are older had an openness between us in our relationships. We talked to one another, I never had to guess what my partner was thinking I knew.  I also knew what was going on at all times between us and our friends. I am struggling right now as I am trying to explain it to you.  But, those of us from the older generation were more open and honest with one another than the people of this generation.  I can tell you that Andy knew exactly where he stood with me and I knew where I stood with him. There wasn't much if anything that we kept hidden from each other.  I can tell you that if I look back over my past relationships, I can tell you that I had it only once, and then almost found it again.  However, in the end they both ended up breaking my trust by not being 100 percent honest with me and ended up getting caught in their own lies.

The one I want to compare and contrast with you is the relationship that I had the longest.  I met a guy in 1997 and we were together a very long time, we finally totally separated in 2010.  I can tell you for the longest time I knew exactly where I stood with him.  We pushed each other and built up a pretty nice setup.  However, he thought that I was too demanding and I was never satisfied with him or what we had achieved. He was under the impression that I only wanted more.  It soon became a battle of tit for tat and trying to one up each other.  But, I want  you to know that for most of my relationship with him I never had any doubts, we talked about everything. We knew each other pretty well.  Most of the problems came when I got really sick with cancer and had to have so many surgeries and I ended up losing a very good job.  I have never recovered from those losses and I am not sure I ever will.  Plus there was the introduction of a new element in our relationship and it was Meth-amphetamines.  Now, I will be 100 percent honest with you that the year before I got sick we had started having problems.  I have often attributed it to the fact that I went to school and finished my masters degree and got hired right out of school making more money than he was making and he was working in the industry already, and had so much more experience than I did.  But that is only part of the problem, we were both getting restless we had over extended ourselves financially and physically we went into business with a couple of friends and started a restaurant and bought our second house.

Once I got sick it just got worse, I honestly can't blame him as I look back and see what really was going on.  But at the time when I was going through it all I couldn't fathom how someone could do those things to another person especially when they were sick and fighting for their life.  The honest truth looking back with hindsight is that Joe was probably lonely and worried and stressed out. He was working full time, taking care of me  or visiting me in the hospital daily.  I had to spend a lot of time in hospital, I also wasn't in any shape to have any type of sexual relationship with him during those times.  He was human and a man and had needs and desires, sometimes you just have to go out and scratch the itch.  I was not the most understanding person in the world back then. I have to tell you that I was pretty selfish.  I didn't know if I was going to live or die and I wanted everything and nothing at the same time. No wonder he ended up going out to parties and cheating. I don't blame him for his increased drug usage either, a person has to do something to cope with all that shit he was dealing with and still keep his sanity.  It has taken me all of this time to actually reach this conclusion.  I wish I would have had these insights years ago. I might have been able to apologize for my behavior way before this.  Somehow I think that he will end up stumbling on to this and maybe he will read it and understand finally that I am very sorry for hurting him. I honestly was too wrapped up in what I was going through to actually consider anyone's feelings but my own, and I am ashamed of that.

Now you might be asking yourself why I told you all of that stuff and what is the point that I am trying to make. If we take my relationship with Joe and compare and contrast it to my most recent relationship. I think you will begin to see that there is a great difference in the way my generation thinks versus this new younger generation.  Let us begin, from day one with Kerry there was turmoil, half-truths and lies.  An example that I can give you is we were in L.A. staying with my friend Judy and it was a few days after Christmas, him and I headed upstairs, I thought we were going to bed. I stopped at the bathroom, he went on to the room.  A minute or so goes by and he tells me that he is going to go outside and smoke some herb with his cousin.  I hurried up in the restroom couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. By the time I had come out he was gone. He had taken my phone and left.  I went outside looking for him and he was nowhere to be found.  Later on I found out that he had been talking to somebody on line and had set up for them to meet him so they could go party and get high on meth.  He was gone with my phone and didn't come back for four days.  I should have known then that the relationship was doomed from that moment on. However, when he came back he was upset and remorseful he convinced me that he was he had royally screwed up and that it wouldn't happen again.

Unfortunately, this was a pattern that was going to be our relationship till he finally left me and moved back to Atlanta.  For the next 2 1/2 years I was on an emotional roller coaster.  Drugs would play a major part in all of this. But, this wasn't the extent to what was going on behind my back.  I would catch him talking to other guys on Facebook and Adam4Adam and other sites, telling them that he was in love with them and wanted to be with them  It even got to the point where he would lie and mislead me into going to Atlanta because he would have arranged to hookup with someone. the problem with that was he would never tell the other person about me coming.  Though he would tell me that they knew and it was all okay. You don't know how many times I was thrust into uncomfortable situations by his doing this.  Worse yet would be that every time we would go to Atlanta I would end up getting sick when I got back to Florida and end up in the hospital for 5 days usually at a time.  You don't know how much trouble always seemed to happen to us when we were in Atlanta, we were robbed twice and lost 2 rental cars.  Twice we ended up losing everything we had taken with us up there.  The last time I went with him to Atlanta was in February of 2014, I was going through chemotherapy at the time, all of our stuff was in the rental car and he was high and took off from the hotel that we were staying in and got himself arrested. I was stuck with no money, no car, no place to stay, and no medical supplies because our stuff was in the car.  I finally got a ride to my friend Chris's place and I stayed with him till I could find a way back to Daytona.  However, shortly after I got back I ended up having an aneurysm and had to have 28 blood transfusions and 3 surgeries.  Shortly after all of that he left me and didn't come back.  Drugs played an important role in his decision making process. But I have to say that once he was gone I began to realize how much money I was spending on him each month.  It soon became much easier to cope with the loss knowing that bit of information.

In the relationship with Joe, him and I worked together we hid nothing from each other and we ended up doing very well and staying together a long time. The relationship with Kerry was based on lies and half-truths from the very start. There was no real talking between us, he would just tell me what he thought I wanted to hear, and do his own thing.  As I look back I can see that he had little to no interest in really building anything lasting and was just looking at how he could score drugs and do for himself only.  As you can see there is a difference in the way of thinking between the different age groups. Joe and I were only 6 month apart, and there was 17 years between me and Kerry.

So my original question was Do you really think this way?  I have brought to your attention that the younger generation is more about themselves and what they can get from their interactions with others than dealing with another person with total honesty.  There always seems to be an ulterior motive or half-truth in play with them.  The older guys have a tendency to open up to with each other and work together to build something. They don't hide their intentions from each other.  As I have been thinking on this subject tonight it also became obvious that the younger generation who is only looking out for themselves also seems to be wanting everything handed to them without them having to work for it.

I am not sure if there is a solution to this, and I have yet to meet the exception to this observation.  After what I went through with my last relationship I have pretty much given up on love. I don't think it is possible with the morals and standards today for any type of relationship to have any stability or longevity.  All I have ever wanted was a companion who didn't feel that they had to lie to me or had to hide anything from me.  For the most part I am pretty much open, and if you let me know your intentions beforehand I will not feel betrayed and used.  I wouldn't think that you deliberately misled me and lied to my face.  Because of the things that I have been through I am finding it extremely difficult in trusting others, and it has made it that much more difficult for someone to get close enough to me to get to know me or understand where I am coming from.  I can't say if this might change or not. I can tell you that it will take a very special person to get through my walls and gain my trust.  I think they are constantly going to be scrutinized and questioned about everything. So if you have an interest in getting to know me you better be ready for a long hard journey to earn my trust.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

If you only knew

If only you could see the fear in my mind,
the doubt in my heart, then you might understand.

But to the world I only show a confidence and faith,
I show positive living and the light.

I have been called to use my voice to help those
who are victims of pain and strife.

But if you only knew what turmoils that
goes on sometimes inside.

I am human that is true
a war is being fought within my soul

You will never know I won't ever let it show
I walk in faith and in grace

I have been touch by the Hand of God,
I know that I am truly loved and blessed.

The Great Healer has heard all prayers
He has saved me so many times.

Now you know why I have to let my light shine.
It's my story and my song

If you only knew everything that I have been through
You would understand my faith and join in the praise

I want you to know I know what you are going through
I have been there right with you.  So are the angels that protect

You will never find yourself alone or a reject
If you only knew Jesus died for you.

Then you might be in harmony
and see the light that I have inside.

If you only knew God Loves you and
So do I.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Monday, March 23, 2015

Rainy Days and Sunshine

I have stood alone and faced the world for so long.  All my worries and troubles had no one to share, so I carried my burden day after day.

Seemed like the dark clouds would pass me by, but every morning they hadn't gone.  So I plodded on and on.  I couldn't see what was around me because my life was shrouded in gloom.  Often I would collapse at night in my room.  I didn't know what was going to happen, I just knew that something had to give.

As my storm clouds circled my head, my feet kept going in circle round and round.  I was doing the same things every day, no change, just the monotonous life, I was born to lead. Home, work, pay bills, eat and sleep and then start all over again.

I cannot tell you how many years have gone by locked in this endless pattern of wash, rinse and repeat.  I had tried it all the drugs, the sex, the gambling, and even some dangerous stuff.  There seemed to be no end to this rut I had fallen in.

Then one day you walked in, a breathe of fresh air, with that golden sunshine around you there.  I blinked and stared and knew right then that you were where and what I wanted to be.  I talked with you and walked with you.  My grey skies and clouds were pushed aside.  For in light no darkness can abide.

You were my friend, my companion, someone who was there to understand. We talked and laughed all the day through.  My life had changed just because of you.  But you know what is funny my dear, maybe I should whisper in your ear.

Your life was doom and gloom, before we met just as mine was.  Yet, once we met I have seen nothing but blue skies and sun.  My dull and boring life was now full of fun and life.  I cannot tell you what you mean, you brightened my world what more can I say.

Now I wake to sunshine, you have chased my rain away. So here I have to say so long to my rainy days.  It is you my friend who has brought it too and end.  If you could only see what I see reflected back at me from your eyes you would be surprised.

So smart and sure, and confident you are, I envy you and wish I was more like you.  You have come and left but my sunshine has remained.  I can't thank you enough for bringing it to an end.  Everyday I get to spend with you is so special a treat.

I pray one day that in the mirror you will see all that I can see that you can be. You need to have some faith in yourself, take your confidence and make a change.  You can be so much more than your are. Though I am not sure you know who you truly are.

A friend to me is what you are, someone that I would like to be, who I wish could see the strength that I see inside of you.  You do not quite yet comprehend who you will be when this journey ends.  The wheel of time continued to turn and so the years went by you would come every so often into my orbit, never staying for very long.

I am older, weaker now, frail and injured weary of soul, and finally you have come. In the past I have helped a little never much because you always fled.  I wanted us to be so more, but it wasn't meant to be.  I am your guardian, helper, teacher, and even more important your friend.  You are special to me, you came in my darkness and my stupor.  You saw my aimless wandering in the gloom, you never ever knew just the impact you brought.

As I have learned as you have been gone, it was the spark of life you brought to me in my darkest hour. You rescued me. talked with me and healed me. It was you my friend that built me up again when the one before had plunged me into this deep and dank dark.  You have built up my self-esteem, my confidence, and brought the sunshine back.

What can I do for you?  I wish you would tell me true.  I so envy you, but you are troubled and seem so alone, let me in I hate that you have had to roam so far from home to find a little bit of peace.  I had promised you so long ago that I was your friend and I meant that till my end.

Do you really know and understand that you are truly my friend.  A friend you see is more than just words, it is actions and deeds.  When I tell you that I love you do you truly understand?  Love is when you put another person needs above your own.

How can I relate to you what you truly mean?  You don't even see your own self worth.  I want you to stay, I want to teach you all I can, but I am not sure you understand.  If you stay and learn the person you are will be changed for ever more.  The more you learn the more knowledge you gain.  You will learn in due time that wisdom comes from Age plus Knowledge.  The path you seek is here indeed..

You chased my rainy days away filled my heart and my life full of sunshine.  I have a hope an inner peace that wasn't there until I met you. Your friendship changed my life.  An inner peace, an a thirst to learn.  From the time I met you I have increased my knowledge 100 fold.

If you are sincere, but be aware, what I have to teach took me a lifetime to learn, you must be willing to put in the time.  It will not be easy, you will want to quit, might hate me some but in the end you will have learned.  I hope you can understand what all I have planned, and I hope you will stay this time.

Before now other things came in between, I don't want to let it happen again. Our time is finally at hand, what you choose to do with it is up to you.  Take your time and decide, please don't turn and hide.  I want this to be just for you and me.

You are once again here and I love you my friend.  Remember it is till the end.

I hope you are my Best Friend

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Sunday, March 22, 2015

A new Dawn

Last night I swear I was visited by my friend Mary, she kept me up most of the night but helped me work through some very tough and touchy issues that have been brought up in my life.  I keep coming back to her this morning as I sit here listening to Gospel music and thinking about my night.  I am reminded that I am not my illness, I am not my sexual preference, I am human, and I have a face and a name.  I want to remind each of us that we are all important, we each have a voice and a story to tell.  I encourage you to tell your story to anyone who will listen to you.  Because, you never know what the person next to you is going through.   The pain that you have felt  will be conveyed in your story through the power of your voice, and you don't know how much that pain you have experienced will help the next person.  I have told you so many times before that you never know where a casual conversation is going to take you.

I encourage each and everyone of you to reach out a hand of help and support to a stranger today, tell at least one person what you are going through and how you have overcome the past.  See, the courage and strength that you have displayed in your journey may give that person the hope they need to see their way clear of whatever it is that they have going on.  I want you to look at the person you are riding the train next too, the person you past by on the street and see the as a person with a name, problems of their very own, smile at them tell the it is going to be okay.  Because everything passes, nothing last forever and that pain that has you in it's grip right now will soon fade away and a new adventure is awaiting.

Too many times society labels us, puts us in categories, pushes into a box, whether we fit in it or not.  It is societies attempt to understand you and classify you.  But I was reminded just recently that the boxes that society puts us in easily turn into coffins and before we know it we are buried in stereotype and labels.  You are an individual, you are a person, you have a face and a name. You are someone that makes a difference in this world and nothing is going to hold you down and keep you prisoner.  Take back that power that has  been robbed from you by those you once held esteem for, because you are much more than that label that has been placed upon you.

Get yourself together, it isn't as hard as you think. Start with the person you see staring back at you in the mirror.  It is with them that your are going to walk with for the first part of your journey.  They can explain to you your past, help you to come to terms with where you are at and give you some insights into how you came to be in the state that you are in.  Once your road and questions have come to be fulfilled you are going to have to take another journey.  You are going to have to open yourself up and let the Spirit fill you and guide you from there the journey is going to be beyond your wildest imagining.

I have to tell you that if you want to set yourself up for success each and every day all you have to do is wake up and give thanks for all that you have been carried through and all the blessings that have been bestowed upon you.  If you do that you are going to feel so good that a positive mental attitude is the only thing that you can have.  From there as you dress the final accessory of the morning should be a smile upon your face as you walk out the door.  For you are loved, blessed and favored!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Reinvention is convention

Everything travels in a spiral.
What was will come again just you wait and see.
You created this invention which we call life.
Yet when it's filled with strife.
Reinvention could be the solution can't you see

I have lived this life before
So I already know the score
I have warn this suit of life to long
Reinvention can't be done I am not that strong

I have traveled far and wide
I have left nothing to hide
I bear my soul for all to see
If I didn't you wouldn't know me.

Reinvention is convention
don't you see
it is the only way that you can really breathe
You are young enough to pull it off, all I am ready for is my pension

Laugh it off,
Shake it off,
nothing really matters,
because your just going to have to do it all over again.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

What are you trying to prove?

Okay folks I am going through a sticky patch at the moment with a friend and you know that I try to turn my frown upside down and stay positive.  But hello my patience is being tried today honey honey, let me tell you.  As I said in my last blog entry I have never  been a good judge of character.  However, I never expected to be summarily dismissed by this person ever.  It was almost like he didn't want me with him at all today, he was very quiet and withdrawn all day.  When I asked him about it he just said that he was down that life had gotten him down. To which my witty smart-ass reply is what the hell have you got to be down about you are free, and you have a place to stay, a vehicle to get you too and from places, food to eat, your family is here visiting you etc.  I don't know and just the way that everything played out tonight almost felt staged, and when I tried to tell him how I was feeling he wanted to try and turn the tables on me.

Now I am the queen of turning tables baby, so that didn't go over very well and I am not sure if I will ever see this boy again.  But, I am not understanding what there is to be so damn down about all the time. Rejoice and look at the mysteries and the wonders around you. See, spring in all it's vibrancy. Life has nothing but a fascinating dance of birth, life, death and rebirth that follows the seasons.  Look at the oceans as the waves hit the sand. Look around you and rejoice in the sun. Hear a song on the wind.  Hell I don't know, I don't stay down for long, and my ex-boyfriend Sterling broke me of letting the small things bother me.  He used to tell me don't bring me those small things only bring me the big problems the small ones will handle themselves.  Guess what he was right.  Because I have since learned that I can let all things roll off of me like water off of a ducks back and I can see what I am up against and pick and chose my battles from what has collected at my feet.

I am not sure what he is trying to prove to me, maybe it's that he doesn't need me! or that I am cramping his style! or could it be that we are just smothering each other?  I don't think so, I think it is more than all of that I think he was trying to prove something to himself and too his brother and he didn't want me to be a witness to it.  I am almost sure that is what was going on. But the way that this situation was handled was exactly the opposite of how we had talked about handling things. Everything was going to be handled out in the open honestly.  Meaning nothing hidden and no lies!

I am your friend, you have to hide nothing from me. I promise you I will not judge you, I will support your decisions whether they are good or bad, I will always speak my mind and let you know my opinions, whether you do as I suggest or not is up to you.  I will always have your back, I will defend you, protect and do what I can to rescue you.  All I ask from you is truth and respect. Because if you have those to things everything else will be there too.

You don't have to hide things from me because as your friend it hurts to be cut out and cut off. You should know that I want to be included in everything, I don't want to be the last one to know.  I shoud probably be the first to know so I can tell you if you are wrong or not...LOL...

Why can't you understand any of this?  Maybe you never had a friend like me before. Maybe you have spent too much time on your own and never had a real helping hand expecting nothing in return. Surprise guess what now you got it. Don't abuse it!  When you take others for granted you are limiting yourself because you are going to quickly be standing alone and fending for yourself. If you abuse their feelings they won't care how you are feeling, so you will be crying all alone. Cherish others like you cherish yourself!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B