Friday, March 6, 2015

What is it I am searching for?

I guess I am just like everyone else I am in search of love.  But, through my journeys and travels I have begun to realize that Love is not something you find, it is something you give.  It is a wonderful feeling when it is returned willingly, and so very painful when it isn't.  I have read stories of unrequited love where one loves another, but the other is in love with someone else.  As with everything I have been writing to you about, you must start with yourself. You have to do some housecleaning and soul searching to bring yourself to a point of loving yourself, and then you will be capable of loving someone else.

I have been in relationships, some longer than others. Some where I stayed way too long and endured too much. Others where I didn't stay long enough or give the other person the chance they deserved, and those I am sorry for. I have freely given love and rarely had it returned in the same way.  I don't feel that anyone truly understands me or gets me, and that can be very frustrating.  What I desire is simple really, I don't think I am asking too much, or being demanding with what I desire.

So, in a nutshell here is what I desire, someone who gets me, understands where I am coming from and can stimulate my mind.  I want someone who is completely honest with me, no lies, hidden agendas, or half-truths.  I want nothing but the absolute truth no matter if it hurts or not.  I require someone to love me as much as I love them, someone who is willing to demonstrated it and prove it everyday like I am.  Someone who has my back, is my best friend and my confidante, someone I can depend on.  Someone who has similar goals as me and wants to help me build a legacy or future for ourselves.  A person who doesn't want anyone else but me.  I am their desire, the one that completes them and who completes me.

I feel that when you are in love the person you are with, they make you feel whole and when you are away from them you feel broken and weak. They complete you in every sense of the word.  Can finish your sentences, knows what you are thinking and feeling with just one look.  A person who finds me attractive and doesn't desire to look any further than me.  Someone who is strong enough for me to lean on when I am down or weak.  A person who isn't afraid to show me their feelings and talks to me about everything and doesn't mind crying on my shoulder and leaning on me for moral support.

Do you think that I am expecting too much?  Is there anyone out there that can fill this gap in my life.  Or is this just a pipe dream and a fantasy that I will never find.  I have been studying people today and everyone is looking for a leg up, an edge, they are looking for the next big thing to boost themselves up and who cares who they hurt along the way.  The younger generation is bold and thinks that somebody owes them something, and expect handouts and refuses to work hard for what they get.  Most wanna take the short cuts and do stupid things like sell drugs and scam other people.

I have always been attracted to the younger crowd, but I think my tastes are finally shifting and I can say that my preferences are loosening up a bit.  Seems I have been harsh in my judgments and have been unfair to some.  For that I want to apologize, I should have been more understanding and patient but I wasn't and I lost the person forever. They are now back with their ex and I am all alone.

Funny how life works, but here I thought I had given up on finding love and what am I doing I am writing about it.  I was resigned to spend the rest of my life alone and miserable.  I felt that no one would accept me with all my medical issues and other limitations that my illness has brought on me. Yet here I am this very evening opening myself back up and trying to start all over again.

Wish me luck and let me know if you see anyone out there that matches what I am looking for.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Aging is not all that it is cracked up to be

Many of you will not be able to relate to what I am about to say.  But, I have felt every year as it passed me by since I was 24 years old. See, I came home from the Navy at the ripe old age of 23 and right before I turned 24 I was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer. I went through several years of chemotherapy and radiation.  I lost years of my life just existing instead of truly living.

I moved to Atlanta at the age of 27 and spent almost 20 years there. It was in 2007 when that nasty cancer struck back and I lost my job, my home, my partner of 12 years, and even my self esteem, and sense of self all in one fell stroke.  It has taken me years to come back from it all.  But, this article isn't just about me.

My best friend's mother is 66 years old, she is frail, has a speech disorder and can barely get around. My friend has given up his freedom and livelihood to take care of his mother.  My mother is a similar case however my mother is 68 years old and can barely walk do to a spinal cord injury.  My mother can take a few small steps, but for the most part is confined to a wheel chair.

I once asked my mother before her accident how she felt, and what she said to me stuck with me for all these years.  She told me that if she didn't have the aches and pains she would have felt like she was still in her 20's, but when she looks in the mirror there is a stranger staring back at her.  Who is this person with the white hair and wrinkles that has her eyes.  The simple truth is it is her, herself staring back but her mind cannot accept that reflection.

Yesterday, I walked to the store with my neighbor, and by the time I got back to my house my back was hurting and I felt extremely warn out.  I even told my friend that I was feeling all 46 years that I have been alive, like I have never felt before.  Age seems to creep up on us, our minds don't measure time in  the same way that our exterior body does.  We can feel as young as we want to in our mind and spirit, but age shows in the slight crinkles around the eyes, the laugh lines around the lips etc.

Time seems to speed up the older we get.  We were once able to do so many things during a day. We would go to school, hangout with friends, do homework and party and do it all over again the next day.  Today, I can barely get everything I want to get done finished in a single day.  But tell me where does time go?  How is it that we went from being twenty somethings to forty somethings?  Why didn't we notice it happening.  Why does the person staring back at me in the mirror not remind me of myself?

Time apparently waits for no one and everyone ages.  How we do it is up to us. Some of us don't look our age, and then there are those around us that look older than they are.  How does all of this reconcile as we age?  I am not sure that I can comprehend that I am now middle aged and that youth has passed me by.  I have waited on the sidelines for many years due to illness and here I go again.

I can tell you that health plays a major role in all of this.  See my best friend's mother just a year and a half ago had no issues or problems. Today you wouldn't even recognize her.  It seems that age can creep up on us really fast and leave us holding our breathe.  In this I can also relate. When I left Atlanta that morning back in 2012 I was so sick with kidney disease, and had just had surgery to remove kidney stones.  It truly was my intention to come home to die.  Guess what I fooled everybody because I am still here, but over the past 3 years my health has declined noticeably and I can no longer do some of the things I used to do when I was younger.

It is these limitations that let me know that I have truly aged. No matter what my mind has told me I am every bit of 46 and there is no getting around that.  Since 2013 I have spent around 20 times in the hospital, these are admission stays that I am talking about, ER visits are way more.  Over these past couple of years I have had to have 2 more abdominal surgery, one vein repair from an aneurysm then had an extended stay in a rehab/skilled nursing facility.  My health has declined and not gotten any better.  Just like my mother and my best friends mother, both are experiencing complications due to age.

It is unfortunate but all of us age. We all get older and we all feel it differently.  Some of us get aching joints, others get cancer or some other illness.  But, despite it all life goes on.

My eyes have awakened to my own hypocrisy, when I was young I like younger people. I never dated anyone my age or older.  Now that I am older I find that I am still attracted to younger guys, but I have become what I always hated the older guy that used to hit on me when I was in the club.  Age does not necessarily bring wisdom, but it does bring experience and knowledge.

My tastes are changing just as I am aging.  I find people closer to my own age attractive and I have realized my blunders.  How much of my life have I missed because of preferences and screwed up priorities?  I would have to say more than half of my life have I lost many opportunities and missed relationships.  However, because of the very illnesses and operations that I have had, made me reevaluate my preferences and priorities.  I find that people my own age can relate to the things that I find myself going through better than the younger generation.

The older I get  the more issues come up.  The more pills I have to take to keep myself alive and healthy.  But, this is not just happening to me, it is happening to all of us.  Some of you are way younger than I am.  Some of you were born the same year I graduated high school and you have no concept of age, and what is about to happen to you.  See, I have to tell you once again that as you age, time seems to go so much faster.  When you blink a whole month flies by, and before you know it the year is ending and a new one beginning.

My advice to you is to revel in your youth, enjoy it while you can.  Live in the moment and experience life to it's fullest.  Handle every obstacle that life throws at you with grace and courage.  Be confident in all your dealings, know what you want and go for it. Take charge of your future, you are the one that writes your fate.

And if you look in the mirror one morning and you don't recognize the person looking back at you. Take heart that you have aged gracefully and rose to every challenge.  No matter what aches and pains you have, look back at all that you have accomplished and be happy with where you are at.

Take your medicines regularly and keep a positive attitude and it will help you conquer anything that comes your way. Take care of yourself, eat right and get plenty of sleep. I think you will find that your body and mind thanks you.

Aging isn't fun at all, but it is something that we all have to do. So make the best of it. Age gracefully and know when to let go.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Be Honest with me Please!

This is my constant plea, I just want people to be honest with me.  Tell me the unvarnished truth.  If it hurts my feelings for a minute so what, I am grown and I will get over it.  You don't know how many times I have told people that come into my life, this very same thing.  There is never a good reason to lie to anyone.  Even more so if you are trying to have a relationship with that person.   How many times have you caught someone you are dating in a lie?  Isn't it sad!

I want people to know that the one thing that will break my trust with you faster than anything else is for me to catch you in a lie.  I am on this living truthfully kick, it is hard, but you know what I think my friends and associates appreciate me more because I say exactly what is on my mind and I no longer sugar coat the truth.  I blurt it out without a filter.  See, I have many doctors that keep telling me that I am nearing the end of the road.  But you and I both know that God just might have some other plans for me.

Life has become too short and fragile for me to hold things back.  Instead of hiding and holding my feelings in like I used to I express them immediately, I get it out there and it makes me feel better.  I am learning that there is a time and place for everything including tact.  I have to learn that sometimes it is important to hold ones tongue.  However, it is never appropriate to lie to someone's face.  Honestly I think they will respect you more and the trust you are building with them will become stronger.

I had a lover once that used to introduce me to others as the lover he always wanted the person he never had to lie too.  I like that, because honestly if it wasn't for his temper and us fighting all the time, we might still be together today.  Amazingly we are very close friends and I have even told him that I honestly don't think our story is finished yet.  I certainly hope not.

My life has changed I think for the better over the last year.  I got away from the drug scene that was so prevalent in my life.  I got extremely ill, had an aneurysm and still survived and went into a nursing home for 6 months and came out a new person.  I am sad that I have lost some friends along the way, several have died and others have moved on and left me behind.  But to be honest with you, maybe it was for the best that I was left to my own devices and all alone.  The temptations of the past have gone with the people that I surrounded myself with. Now that they have moved on those temptations are gone.

Since the temptations are gone, so is the need to tell lies and hide the truth about myself and my life to everyone around me. You don't know how many times I had to sneak around and hide my true intentions from my parents, and others that cared about me.  Yet, there was one person I never wanted to lie too and that was my partner at the time.  He didn't seem to have the same convictions as I did because he lied to me about everything and everyone.  Doesn't matter now I suppose because he has moved on and found someone new, and I am happy for him.

But what is it about me that makes people want to lie to me and hide things from me?  I have been asking myself the same question for quite awhile now and I think it was the caliber of people that I was hanging around with.  They were lying to themselves and I was just an innocent bystander.  See the culture that I was exposed to was the meth community and I can tell you that when someone is on that drug they are wanting to screw anything that walks and breathes essentially. Honestly, they aren't trying to lie to you, they are trying to justify to themselves exactly what it is that they are doing. It just happens that they have lied to you in the process.

Now that I am sober again, and I have been analyzing the situation and the background that I have come from I can see it plainly now.

Yet, even when I wasn't doing drugs people have lied directly to my face.  These people were trying to spare my feelings.  See, sometimes when you are sick and going through some terrible things.  Those around you want to cheer you up and make you feel better about yourself.  What they don't understand is that you can see right through them and know that they are lying too you and that make you feel even worse about yourself and your condition.

I have been sick for so long and people are always trying to cheer me up by telling me that my color is good or that I am filling out that I have gained some weight.  I can tell that these are bolstering techniques and are meant to make me feel better, but what they actually are doing is making me look hard and closer at myself.  My judgement then becomes that mush harsher on myself than it should be.  I am my own worst critic and I have never liked the way I looked and have never thought of myself as attractive.

So it is my fondest wish that everyone who knows me to be 100 percent honest with me.  Tell me like it is, and if you can do that for me, maybe it will become habit for you and you can do it for everyone else.  I am so tired of hearing what everyone thinks I want to hear, just tell me the truth.

Remember that the truth starts at home. You must start with yourself and then work your way outward.  That was the lesson that took me so long to learn for myself.  I have always found it easy to lie to myself and rationalize my behavior and habits, but it was hard for me to stand up and be a hundred percent honest with myself.  So I had to start at home and focus on my inner self before I could shift the focus to the outer world.

So remember if you can be honest with yourself it will definitely be easier to be honest with everyone else.  Keep in mind that trust is built by showing how honest you are too others.  So build your foundations on truth and understanding and you will see that your relationships are stronger and will last longer.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B



Wednesday, March 4, 2015

God is talking and I am listening

I know that I have talked about this before, but God has laid it upon my heart to reach out to you again and remind some of you that you are trying to hard to get ahead in life.  You are striving to get that raise, move to the next level in you work life.  But your home life is suffering and taking a backseat, and that isn't fair to those around you that love and cherish you.  It is time for you to slow down, it is okay to be ambitious.  But it is not okay to be ruthless and try to discredit or hurt the ones that are competing against you.  You are supposed to bring all things to Jesus and lay them at His feet and that includes challenges at work and yes even that promotion you are shooting for.

Too many of us get wrapped up in ourselves and cannot separate work life from home life.  For some reason you cannot compartmentalize and separate the too and guess what your home life becomes just as stressful as your work life.  Trust me the ones around you can see it and feel it when you are near.  That stress and tension that you have at work needs to stay at work.  Now I am not saying that you cannot tell your spouse about your day whether it was good or bad, but the tension and stress needs to be left outside at your front door.

It has been weighing on my heart that many of us are looking back over our lives and we are not anywhere near where we thought we would be.  Some of you are, but a majority of us aren't.  Whether you have had a setback due to health, injury, lay offs, downsizing etc. you aren't where you thought you would be.  I know that when I look back at my life I would never have thought that at the age of 46 that I would be starting my life all over again, that I would be single and that I would be renting an apartment and struggling to make ends meet.  How could I have planned this?  How did this actually happen to me, and what am I doing about it to get myself and my mind right about all of the things that have happened to me over the past 10 years?

The honest truth is in April of 2012, I made a conscious decision to leave Atlanta Georgia and return to Florida.  I had been heavily in the drug scene in Atlanta and was actually homeless and was roaming the streets.  It was bitter cold because it was during the winter.  The day that I boarded the bus in Atlanta was 3 March 2012, and I had only the clothes on my back a sweat shirt and sweat pants and a pair of tennis shoes.  Yet, there was a reason for my decision to leave.  I had found out in December that I had kidney stones real bad and they were extremely painful.  On Dec. 23, 2011 I had to have surgery to have the stones removed and after the surgery the Urologist came into the room and told me that my kidneys were failing that one was working at 15% and the other at 50%.  the other thing that he told me was that my condition was irreversible and that I needed to go home because if I didn't I would end up another statistic on the street that had died.  So I boarded a bus and literally came home to die.

Before I go on here I need to explain about the drug usage that occurs in my life.  See, I have emotional issues about my body, my scars, my having to have a colostomy bag and other issues.  Therefore getting high was the only way that I could feel comfortable around other people to take off my clothes and have sex.  Now this might sound strange to you, but it is the honest and unvarnished truth.  See my drug of choice is Crystal Meth, unfortunately as I have found out over the past 3 years is that using that stuff takes a very heavy toll on my body and I end up every time I use in the hospital.  So, I had to ask myself was the couple of hours that I was high worth the price my body was taking and was it worth all the time I ended up spending in the hospital.  The answer is No.  Even recently in Feb. I thought I was healthy enough to try it, and granted I had been off of it close to a full year, but my body wasn't with it. I ended up in ICU for 7 days with acute renal failure.  My kidneys were damaged so much this last time that they thought I was going to have to have dialysis and my body probably wouldn't have been able to survive the shock that puts on your system.  Luckily a lot of you were praying for me, and I am thankful that once again the Hand of God intervened due to all the prayers and well wishes you sent my way because let me tell you something a miracle happened on the fourth day that I was in there.  My kidneys miraculously came back on line and started working better.  The creatinin level started to decline and the doctors knew that I was returning to a normal state.

You maybe wondering why I am going into all of this stuff.  Because I want you to realize something, choices that we make can bring us to a place where we don't want to be or never expected to be in a million years.  When I got out of the Navy in 1991 I had a tumor in my colon 8" long x 5" wide and had to go through chemo and radiation.  This slowed me down at the age of 24, but four years later I was bouncing back and had moved to Atlanta and had started a life.  Me and Joe had it all good jobs bringing in lots of money.  We had 2 houses, several cars, 2 dogs, a cat.  Basically we made it to where we wanted to be.  However in 2004 all of that was going to change.  My symptoms returned and I got sick again, and on Jan 25, 2005 they decided that they were going to operate on me and that was the biggest mistake of my life.  It led me down the current path I am on.  See it was after the surgeries and the damage that the doctors did to my body that I learned about Crystal Meth and how it could help me overcome my insecurities and have a semi normal relationship with other people.  However, it is also the very reason that I am single today and where I am at, if you want to know that absolute truth.

Yet, even I look back at my life and I see what I had and what I have lost and sometimes it makes me sad.  I threw away a lot of people that cared about me and embarked on a solo journey that was going to end with my destruction.  However, I have come off that path and have found a new direction to focus my energies on and that is you my friends.  I am here because someone out there needs to hear this right now.  One person's life is going to be altered by my writing this.  I know this to be true because God has spoken too me and I am finally listening.  See the drug was a crutch, I cannot be happy with anyone else till I am totally comfortable with who I am, and I mean all of me.  Not just the parts that I like but the bags, scares and everything else that goes with it.

My point is as I look back and see where I have been and where I am at now, neither place was where I exactly wanted to be.  Yet, if it hadn't been for that journey and going through everything that I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing too you and trying to help you.  See I would be out there doing the same stuff that all my friends are still doing and not going forward with my life, just stuck on Repeat, doing the same things day in and day out and using people and trying to work out how I am going to get high again tomorrow.  I am so glad that my dad and God decided that enough was enough and helped me get to Florida.

In the first 8 months that I was here, I had a job, a car, and an apartment.  I was making real progress and doing stuff for myself.  I had joined some groups and had made some really good friends.  I am hoping that this year is going to be a better year and I am going to be hanging out with those new friends now more than ever.

So what am I really trying to tell you in this very long and drawn out narrative. Is simply this.  When you look back at your life and you find that you aren't exactly where you thought you would be.  You need to look at what you have done, been and accomplished.  See it is the journey that counts and when all is said and done you are going to realize that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  God brought you to the perfect place so you could tell your story.  It is time now to become happy and content with where you are at any stage of your life.  See, once you realize that you are where God wants you too be and you have come to the conclusion that you truly arrived the rest is so easy and usually falls right into place.

I hope that this helped someone today, because it was upon my heart and I know someone out there needed to hear this today.

May God guide you and keep you.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Assumptions and Conclusions

Every time I talk to one friend that he says that I go from one extreme to the other by either jumping to a conclusion or making an assumption. So I thought that I would explore this a little more and see if I can actually figure out what he is talking about. I will admit that I go from one extreme to another on an emotional level, I am truly bipolar. But I don't honestly think that I make assumptions. See I know the definition of assumption it is "a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof." So if I state a fact or tell you something that I think is true, that doesn't mean it was an assumption. See, I have been trying to live my life as honestly as I can since I found out that I am terminal. An assumption would be a statement that I thought to be true about the other person. But what is actually happening is everything is colored by my past experiences.

One thing that my friend doesn't understand, I filter everything I say and do by my past experience and relationships. It doesn't have to be a sexual thing either. See in my family birthdays are very important and we have all out celebrations for them each year. So when my friend told me that his birthday was coming up on the 19th of Feb and he wanted me to come and visit him around tha time so that we could spend sometime together and see how things went. While I was talking about his birthday, I told him that I would like to be around him for his birthday, but I didn't want to be in the way. He told me that he was black and that they didn't celebrate getting older.  Can you see how I based my response on the fact that my family did celebrate  birthday. it was a grand thing in my home, so I assumed it would be in his home and family as well.  I had no idea that he didn't celebrate getting one year older.  In this case I was trying not to get in the way of anything his family may have planned for him, I stated that I didn't want to be underfoot.  Maybe it was wrong for me to assume that his family was just like my disfunctional family.

Assumptions are bad and can hurt a relationship badly if you don't take the time to communicate openly and honestly.  An assumption means that you have accepted something about the other person without any proof.  Now, if you remember what they used to stay in school that making an assumption makes and ass out of you and me.  Keep that in mind the next time you want to make an assumption about another person.

If you know what the definition of a conclusion is a judgement or decision that is made through reasoning. I know that I am a culprit of jumping to conclusions.  I rationalize everything and like I told you above that I filter everything that I go through by my past experiences.  I think this is a common error that we all make. See it is our past experiences that have shaped us and molded us into the person we are today.  But the problem with using those same filters is that we tend to conclude that every situation can be measured by those same filters.  The truth of the matter is not all situations fit into the mold that our past experiences have prepared ourselves for.  So what do you do when a new situation arises and you have no experience in dealing with it.  Your past hasn't prepared you to adequately handle the situation.

It is easy for us to draw conclusions when we over analyze every situation.  Many of us nitpick and pull apart the motives of others, we try to figure out their intentions and agendas are.  But, when you draw a conclusion based on just the facts that you know, the issue becomes you may not know everything about the situation so your conclusion will be faulty and misguided.  Remember that every relationship is as different as the person involved in the relationship.  So, even in new situations our past information is not always enough for us to draw the appropriate conclusions.  So you run the risk of hurting someone without hearing all the facts and drawing a false conclusion.

So, if you are like me try to keep the assumptions and conclusion jumping to the absolute minimum.  Go out and research the facts of every situation and confront the people involved directly so that you get all the facts.  Remember it pays off to get the information straight from the horses mouth so to speak.  It is also helps if you are honest in your communication with each other so that all the facts come to light and no one has to draw a conclusion or make and assumption.  Because you will have all the information.  Remember being for warned is for armed.  Which means if you have all the information at your disposal you can make an educated decision based only on the facts.

It is my recommendation to be absolutely honest with yourself and others.  That way everything you speak and tell can be counted on as fact.  Plus, I have found that if you start lying to yourself it is very hard for you to stop.  It becomes so easy to rationalize our actions and make stupid assumptions as well as jumping to an easy conclusion.

So take my advice.  Talk everything out, be honest, let your feelings out and look at the facts with a rational mind.  This way you can make an educated decision with all the facts at your disposal.  Remember that assumptions and conclusions can only hurt a relationship, or make a situation that much harder to resolve.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Approach of Spring

You can smell in on the night breeze that wafts through the window, the warm days and cool nights as winter looses it hold on the world.  It is on those warm night breezes that hope springs forth like the new growth of the plants outside.

Spring is a time of hope, a time of renewal and joy.  It is when nature comes back to life after it's winter hibernation. You can smell fresh smell of growth as the breeze filters through the screen door and out my window.

As the winter snows recede and new life breaks through the fertile earth, the daffodils grow lean and tall and as their blossom open to the new days sun.  It is the symbol that spring has finally come.  I remember watching as the stalks of the daffodils broke through the earth and i knew that winter was finally over.

It doesn't matter whether the groundhog had seen it's shadow or not, time waits for no one and the earth rotation continues ever onward.  The long winter nights are over and the days start to stretch ever longer.

Take hope in the new spring as it grows all around you. For it is easy to believe that everything is good and right in the world as the new foliage spring forth from the ground.  Feel that warm spring breeze as if flies through your window, smell the flowers as the new leaves sprout on trees.

It is the rain of spring that brings new life and the fertile earth gives new birth.  Enjoy the weather for the calm days of spring bring in the harsh warmth of summer.  Rain is scarce during the summer but so abundant in the spring.

I believe in the spring comes hope and joy.  I hope that you find it this season.  Because before you know it the world will have rotated and summer will be upon you.  Take with you the hope that spring gives you and use it throughout the year. Beware that the heat of summer will try and drain the hope you have gained.  You can weather this just as autumn like spring it  has cool nights and warm days.

Autumn and Spring complete a cycle of life, birth, growth and aging and death.  The seasons represent our lives and how we should live.  Remember that winter won't last forever and spring will come again.  It is the hope that new life will be born in the world that keeps you alive and well throughout the fall and winter.  Summer is the harsh reality of it all the stark sun drying the earth and withering the growth, it is during this time that growth is completed.

Take hope in the spring and make it last the whole year through.  Remember the warm days and cool nights because they come twice a year for you to signal the change of life to death.  Warm days in the spring and cool nights they come again in the autumn those same warm days and cool nights.

Remember I believe in you always.  Take heart in the new birth and growth that spring is about to bring you.  Learn to live your life in the moment and enjoy the seasons as they come.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B.



Pulling it together

You know every time you fall apart when a crisis comes your way or you hit a brick wall in your life.  I want to talk to you about that today.  See, emotions play a big factor in how we handle what life throws at us.  I once told you that you are measured by the grace in which you rise from your problems or when you hit rock bottom.  What I mean by this is that you are not judged by what you are gong through but how you handle the situation with grace and tact.  It takes you 10 times longer to pull yourself together once you have fallen apart.

Now, you may be wondering what I am talking about when I say falling apart.  Not everyone of us falls to pieces when trouble comes our way. However, as humans we have to factor in the emotional state of the person that is having the problem.  See emotions play a significant part in how you handle a situation.  How many times have I told you that you need to calm down, count to 100 or just divorce your feelings from the situation?  A lot!  It is not only important for you to tackle the problem clear headed and unemotional as it is for the others that you are dealing with.

I know that I used to hold my emotions in.  I wouldn't tell anyone when I was upset.  However, what was happening someone else would come along and do something so minor that it triggered an explosion from me.  That's right little old me would blow up at the least little thing and what I found out was I was taking my anger, frustrations and guilt out on the wrong party.  The person who was facing the brunt of my anger was not who I was truly angry with. This is what I am trying to help you avoid.  Put te blame where the blame is due, don't hold anything in, take care of the situation as it happens and you will see how much better you feel.  It took me a long time to be able to express how I am feeling, I am a person that doesn't like confrontations and I try to avoid them at all costs.  However, it is in my best interest to let my feelings out when the issue arises because I don't want the wrong person to get my wrath when they didn't really do anything to deserve it.

I have told you before that you have to analyze a situation from every angle.  Step outside of the box and look at the issue from a different perspective.  I know it is hard to do, but if you can get past the emotional side of things and express your feelings either to yourself or to your partner and come at it with a clear head you will begin to see that the mountain you thought you were facing has many different options for getting past it.  We all seem to take our personal problems and make them out to be bigger than they really are.  I know that I do it. I take a molehill and make it a mountain when I am emotional about the situation, however once I calm down and start to think about the issue or problem with my rational thought and clear mind I begin to see the root of the problem and the many ways that I can fix or address it.  But, it I come at it with my emotions raw and I am hurting, I just may say something or do something that I might regret later on.  Remember it is not what you say but how you say it.  Words have power they can cut, destroy and cause wounds that never heal.  So be careful what you say, and keep in mind how biting and sharp your words are and how your tone and inflection might cause someone else pain.  Your attitude plays a major role in this process.

Once I get out what I have to say, my mind reacts like nothing ever happened.  I snap back to my up beat happy self like the issue was never there.  I am one of the few people that can do that.  If someone does something too me and I have an issue with it, if I address it right then and there and get out what I have to say about the problem, five or ten minutes later I am fine and have moved on like nothing ever happened.  I know a lot of you aren't like that and it takes you a lot longer to get over something, you have some animosity and feel a certain way about the situation for a while. However, eventually you get over it and move on.  Now, how do I accomplish this feat?  It really isn't that complicated really.  I just remember what I keep telling you that this too shall pass and I keep my head down and continue moving forward.  It is the only thing I know to do, and I don't like having a burden or grudge so I get rid of it as quickly and efficiently as I can.

It important to take away from this that no matter what the situation is, if you can keep your emotions out of it and can tackle it with a rational mind and clear head you will find that you won't fall to pieces every time something bad comes your way.  Remember it takes 10 times longer to pull yourself together when you fall apart.  Emotions play a significant role in causing us to lose focus on the issue and tends to magnify it a thousand fold.  Everything has it season and everything passes, you will survive and it will pass.  Wait and see.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B