Every year after the Holiday's the nation goes through a huge merchandise return period, followed by the yearly let down that people begin to feel as their family and friends leave and head home. Refrigerators are filled with leftovers and the nation goes through a period of feeling bloated and wishing that they hadn't over eaten.
This yearly cycle starts right around Thanksgiving and goes pretty much up till New Years. Every year we go through the motions of stating our New Year's resolutions and for some of us we struggle for months trying to keep them. Some give up in a day or two, others try to keep up with them longer, but eventually they are usually all broken by June.
I didn't have any big expectations for this year at Christmas, my partner was in Jail and I was spending the holiday's with my two best friends and called all my family and friends that I could think of. But other than that I just wanted a quiet time to myself and read my books then deal with a lot of people filled with cheer and gift giving.
Unfortunately, things don't always pan out as they are planned, I had thought that I would have enough money to pay my phone bill this week and keep it from getting shut off, but unfortunately, my funding fell through and it looks like my phones are going to end up being turned off till I get paid on the 3rd of January.
This put's a wrinkle in my plans in keeping in touch with my partner. It also limits me on some of my other plans that I had going on for the end of the year. But in the end everything is going to be alright eventually. I am not too worried at this moment. I am trying to get things situated to so that I can move into a new place after the first of the year. I am hoping that with all my planning and working through Miracle of Love to get into a very nice place works out smoothly so that by the time the dust settles and the partner is home that the new place is ready to move into.
I have also taken this time this holiday season to apply at Lyft and Uber trying to drive with one of them. Unfortunately, my background check came back with some issues and I had to send in to get them disputed and corrected. So I am back in the waiting phase for that. I have also put in my application to AT&T through Spring Mobile who I used to work for in Jacksonville and I am hoping that I hear something back about going back to work for them. I really enjoyed my position in Jacksonville and I have been trying to get back in with them since they let me go due to faulty information that they pulled during my background check.
All in all the new year is looking much better and more hopeful then 2018 did. Yet, with the holiday let down and my mood being all over the place, I have been strolling down memory lane lately and going through old posts and pictures from Facebook and Twitter and other areas of my life. I started reaching out to people from my past trying to rekindle lost friendships and relationships along the way. I think that getting back in touch with people that have meant something to me in the past is an important part of how I am going to move forward. Now that I am 50 I realize that I am missing out on a lot of their lives and I feel alone at times.
For the most part the contact has been positive and well received and I am looking forward to what the future may bring with the coming months and even years as we progress on a new journey of friendship and companionship. I look forward to reaching people who from my distant past seemed to have drifted away and I haven't heard from in years. We will see if things pan out the way I hope and pray they will.
Don't let the post party let down get to you. Don't feel like you have screwed up irreparably your diet because you indulged during your family gatherings, you have a whole year to lose those pounds that you have gained. Family and friends are just a call or text away, and you can stay in touch with them easier now more than ever. With technology the way it is today there should be no reason why you can't keep in touch with those that are important to you. Life is full of unexpected moments and we need to realize and take advantage of them as they happen.
The year is winding down and things are finally drawing to a close for 2018. It is time to start looking forward to 2019 and all the excitement and adventures that it will bring to your life. Forget about everything that you went through in 2018 because it is over and done now and can't be changed even if you wanted to. That is what is funny about the past it is the only thing that is set in stone and can't be changed! The future is fluid and elastic and isn't written till you stumble through it. We don't even know that we are in it till it is past. Because the present is constantly changing and fluxing as we make decisions. Our feet may be on the path, but until you take a step the present doesn't change to the past. Just think about it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label present. Show all posts
Showing posts with label present. Show all posts
Thursday, December 27, 2018
Saturday, October 20, 2012
You know secrets come with a price, they aren't free not now not ever!
You know we have been talking a lot about life and relationships, but have you ever thought what the cost of a secret does to the relationship? See it is true that secrets and lies are not free, they come with a cost, not only to you, but to the ones you love and the ones you are trying to protect. With lies and secrets comes a certain air of mistrust and that puts a strain on the relationship. You can't expect someone to trust you if there is something in the way of that trust and that is what secrets are. When you are secretive you start acting a certain way and others can tell that you are hiding something. They begin to wonder what it is that you don't want them too know. From there leads to speculation and ultimately they begin to doubt everything you are saying to them. Curiosity is a trait that is not only confined to cats you know, human curiosity is something that never ceases. Why do you think mystery novels are so popular. Everyone loves a good mystery and they try to figure it out way before they ever know the whole plot.
Try to keep in mind that secrets have a toll on you too, they add stress and worry to your life, and once you start keeping them either by hiding them with lies or by silence, it starts to truly add weight on your shoulders. Once you start telling lies you have to keep telling them in order to keep them hidden. It becomes a never ending task and sooner or later someone is going to catch you at it. When they do there goes the trust that you have built up with them. Life is too short to have secrets and lies in your life. Especially if you are in a relationship. How can a person really know you if you are keeping things back from them. As I have always told you communication is the key and honesty is what is important. Being honest not only to your loved ones and family, but you always need to be totally honest with yourself. I know sometimes it seems easier to rationalize and lie to yourself, but at the end of the day you know what really happened and no matter how many lies you tell yourself it is not going to change the situation.
That is another thing about hiding the truth and lies, it ties you to them. How can you move forward if you are carrying around baggage of the past? Lies and secrets keep you firmly rooted to a story that just isn't true and you continually are brought back to it. You have to keep covering it up, and like I said lies upon lies is like building a house of cards, sooner or later one wrong move is going to bring the whole thing crashing down on you. Again, for your own peace of mind and that of the ones you care about you need to put everything out in the open. If you do that you will find that there is less stress in your life, and that if you stick together you can overcome any obstacle. Like they say 2 heads are better than one. Don't isolate yourself and keep yourself from truly experiencing love with another person because of lies. Secrets and lies are the same thing, believe me I know all about them. I used to do Meth, and that is a drug that manipulates the brain. Some people think more clearly on it and the lies they tell just to get the next hit or fix can leave your head spinning. The trouble is most people can see through those lies and see you for what you are and what you are doing, but your head is so filled with the drug you never even realize.
Don't take the risk of being alienated by your friends and family because you are trying to hide something. For years I didn't speak to my parents, because I was doing drugs, and was partying all the time, but also because I didn't want them to know what I was into. They knew because my ex told them. He told them when he thought I had gotten out of control. I was confronted by my mother, of course I denied it. It was my secret and I didn't want her to know. Then I got arrested for possession, however, in that case I was telling the truth that it wasn't my stuff, however because my parents knew about the drug use and I had denied it, they didn't believe me. Luckily I got off of the charges, but it isn't something that I am willing to go through again. Hence the reason why I put everything out on the web. I have nothing to hide anymore. I have come to far and lived through too much to go back and start hiding who I really am now. See the truth of the matter is when Sterling and I were dating he and I did way more drugs than we should have. We were doing so much that others couldn't believe it. It wasn't a proud time of my life let me tell you. When we both came to realize how much we were really doing and how utter ridiculous we had been, and what risks we had taken, we both cut way back, but hadn't quit entirely.
Then later on it started coming to light to everyone around us about how much we did. It was even thrown in my face a couple of times by a number of people that I had gotten so many people hooked on the stuff. Do you know how scary it is to find out that you were responsible for hundreds of young men shooting up Meth? Over and over again I hear how "oh, I know Bryan, he was the one that taught me how to slam" That is not a fond reputation that I like having. I was always safe, made sure that people knew what they were doing and how to mix up the stuff. I also stayed with them and provided them a safe place to do the stuff, but that isn't the point. The point is I may have ruined a great many of lives just by teaching them slamming. Meth is not a drug to play with lightly, it is not physically addicting like heroin, it alters the brain, and is a mental addiction that is extremely hard to break. You can be away from it for years and still think about the feeling, you still get the longing for it. I don't know how else to explain, but it is true. I don't think you ever truly escape it's grasp. But as I have told you in the past, you can't escape your past! What was hidden and done in the dark always comes to light!
I cannot change my past, the only thing I can do is try to make the right choices in the future and move forward. I have to let go of the past no matter how hard that is. One of the reasons why people hold on to the past is because they tend to remember it better than it was, and they view the present harder than it really is. It is always nicer to compare what is happening in our lives with the past, we have a tendency to make it out that things were better back then, but in actuality they were probably pretty much the same. The difficulty level only changes when we learn to change the way we look at things. We have a tendency to make up stories and hide the truth of things when we are not satisfied with what we have or where we are at in life. What happens then is that the lies spin out of our control and before we know it you are defending something that isn't real.
Life is what we make out of it, as I have told you before. If we constantly embellish, lie or be secretive about ourselves how can we expect anyone to ever get to know the real you? How can you honestly find someone that can love you? Do you want to be alone forever? I know that I don't. Even now I am hoping against hope that someone will find me and love me for the person I am. I used to live a life of lies and deceit but now I put everything out in the open for the world to see. I don't have any secrets to hide. I have lost too much in my life because of lying and secrets. I want to be free of that and find love and happiness. Which if you refer back to my earliest post you know that I know that happiness is found within ones self. But I also think that you can find happiness in another person. One that makes you better than you are and inspires you to do more than you have before. That is the type of love I want.
Do yourself a favor, when you meet someone new that you are interested in, be yourself, your true self. Don't embellish, make up stuff to make yourself look better. Just be who you are. Be sincere and genuine. I honestly think you will be much better off for it. Secrets and lies cost so much and will damage your relationship way faster than anything else. Be honest with yourself and the other person. Earn their trust and respect. Be their friend and confidant and trust me everything else will fall into place.
Try and remember that no secret is ever free, not now not ever!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Try to keep in mind that secrets have a toll on you too, they add stress and worry to your life, and once you start keeping them either by hiding them with lies or by silence, it starts to truly add weight on your shoulders. Once you start telling lies you have to keep telling them in order to keep them hidden. It becomes a never ending task and sooner or later someone is going to catch you at it. When they do there goes the trust that you have built up with them. Life is too short to have secrets and lies in your life. Especially if you are in a relationship. How can a person really know you if you are keeping things back from them. As I have always told you communication is the key and honesty is what is important. Being honest not only to your loved ones and family, but you always need to be totally honest with yourself. I know sometimes it seems easier to rationalize and lie to yourself, but at the end of the day you know what really happened and no matter how many lies you tell yourself it is not going to change the situation.
That is another thing about hiding the truth and lies, it ties you to them. How can you move forward if you are carrying around baggage of the past? Lies and secrets keep you firmly rooted to a story that just isn't true and you continually are brought back to it. You have to keep covering it up, and like I said lies upon lies is like building a house of cards, sooner or later one wrong move is going to bring the whole thing crashing down on you. Again, for your own peace of mind and that of the ones you care about you need to put everything out in the open. If you do that you will find that there is less stress in your life, and that if you stick together you can overcome any obstacle. Like they say 2 heads are better than one. Don't isolate yourself and keep yourself from truly experiencing love with another person because of lies. Secrets and lies are the same thing, believe me I know all about them. I used to do Meth, and that is a drug that manipulates the brain. Some people think more clearly on it and the lies they tell just to get the next hit or fix can leave your head spinning. The trouble is most people can see through those lies and see you for what you are and what you are doing, but your head is so filled with the drug you never even realize.
Don't take the risk of being alienated by your friends and family because you are trying to hide something. For years I didn't speak to my parents, because I was doing drugs, and was partying all the time, but also because I didn't want them to know what I was into. They knew because my ex told them. He told them when he thought I had gotten out of control. I was confronted by my mother, of course I denied it. It was my secret and I didn't want her to know. Then I got arrested for possession, however, in that case I was telling the truth that it wasn't my stuff, however because my parents knew about the drug use and I had denied it, they didn't believe me. Luckily I got off of the charges, but it isn't something that I am willing to go through again. Hence the reason why I put everything out on the web. I have nothing to hide anymore. I have come to far and lived through too much to go back and start hiding who I really am now. See the truth of the matter is when Sterling and I were dating he and I did way more drugs than we should have. We were doing so much that others couldn't believe it. It wasn't a proud time of my life let me tell you. When we both came to realize how much we were really doing and how utter ridiculous we had been, and what risks we had taken, we both cut way back, but hadn't quit entirely.
Then later on it started coming to light to everyone around us about how much we did. It was even thrown in my face a couple of times by a number of people that I had gotten so many people hooked on the stuff. Do you know how scary it is to find out that you were responsible for hundreds of young men shooting up Meth? Over and over again I hear how "oh, I know Bryan, he was the one that taught me how to slam" That is not a fond reputation that I like having. I was always safe, made sure that people knew what they were doing and how to mix up the stuff. I also stayed with them and provided them a safe place to do the stuff, but that isn't the point. The point is I may have ruined a great many of lives just by teaching them slamming. Meth is not a drug to play with lightly, it is not physically addicting like heroin, it alters the brain, and is a mental addiction that is extremely hard to break. You can be away from it for years and still think about the feeling, you still get the longing for it. I don't know how else to explain, but it is true. I don't think you ever truly escape it's grasp. But as I have told you in the past, you can't escape your past! What was hidden and done in the dark always comes to light!
I cannot change my past, the only thing I can do is try to make the right choices in the future and move forward. I have to let go of the past no matter how hard that is. One of the reasons why people hold on to the past is because they tend to remember it better than it was, and they view the present harder than it really is. It is always nicer to compare what is happening in our lives with the past, we have a tendency to make it out that things were better back then, but in actuality they were probably pretty much the same. The difficulty level only changes when we learn to change the way we look at things. We have a tendency to make up stories and hide the truth of things when we are not satisfied with what we have or where we are at in life. What happens then is that the lies spin out of our control and before we know it you are defending something that isn't real.
Life is what we make out of it, as I have told you before. If we constantly embellish, lie or be secretive about ourselves how can we expect anyone to ever get to know the real you? How can you honestly find someone that can love you? Do you want to be alone forever? I know that I don't. Even now I am hoping against hope that someone will find me and love me for the person I am. I used to live a life of lies and deceit but now I put everything out in the open for the world to see. I don't have any secrets to hide. I have lost too much in my life because of lying and secrets. I want to be free of that and find love and happiness. Which if you refer back to my earliest post you know that I know that happiness is found within ones self. But I also think that you can find happiness in another person. One that makes you better than you are and inspires you to do more than you have before. That is the type of love I want.
Do yourself a favor, when you meet someone new that you are interested in, be yourself, your true self. Don't embellish, make up stuff to make yourself look better. Just be who you are. Be sincere and genuine. I honestly think you will be much better off for it. Secrets and lies cost so much and will damage your relationship way faster than anything else. Be honest with yourself and the other person. Earn their trust and respect. Be their friend and confidant and trust me everything else will fall into place.
Try and remember that no secret is ever free, not now not ever!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Friday, August 17, 2012
All we have is the here and now, don't let this moment slip away
One of my favorite show's on television today is the new TNT series called Perception. Starring Eric McCormack, from Will and Grace, who place Dr. Daniel Pierce, a neurology professor who also suffers from all sorts of neurotic afflictions. Well the end of the 3rd episode Dr Pierce is in the class room and he tell his students this: "All we really have is the present moment. If I were you I would truly savor the here and now. That precious irreplaceable right then, this second. That is never to be repeated again in the whole of history. The quiet moment the beautiful peaceful night with family and friends so close and nearby, with the moonlight streaming down through the cloud spotted night. Savor this! While you can, because once this moment is gone it is lost forever to never to be seen or experienced again." How many times have we let life's little moments pass us by? How many perfect opportunities have we let slip past us without recognizing them? I realized yesterday what it means to seize the day, live in the moment. It was yesterday that I realized that I had a secret desire that was locked inside of me. Wrapped in my own personal insecurities and fear of rejection, hidden by walls of logic twelve years old. These walls were built to keep everyone and everything from touching my heart.
I lacked the courage to reach inside of myself and free my heart. To say enough is enough, to follow my inner voice to reach out and dare to love, or let someone love me. Yet, God saw my plight and sent people to enter back into my life to show me that no matter what my fears, anxieties and insecurities that are within me, that someone has been there patiently waiting for me to let them back in. Hit me with a club or knock me over with a feather, because low and behold he had been there, right there for the past two years. Neither of us realizing what the other meant until one day we found ourselves so far away from each other. The phone calls and emails, the laughter and all the pain painted a story I was too blind to see. I couldn't see the moments that were too precious and few that had passed on by. How important it is to savor every second because we only have the here and now! We aren't promised a tomorrow, and the past is already gone. You can't change what you have done or where you have been. But, you sure can take steps to correct the mistakes of the past, so they don't occur again in the future. We must learn from the past, not cling to it. Because as was pointed out to me you cannot move forward if you are constantly looking backward, and you can't build anything meaningful if you cling to the baggage of your old life. Let them go, surrender to the now and move forward.
Remember that men are not wise in the subtle nuances and ways of romance. It takes us a while to grasp the concept that someone is truly attracted to us. We miss the hints that are thrown our way. But please don't give up on us, if we don't get it at first. I beg of you to be brutal and painfully obvious, bludgeon us over the head, because trust me it maybe the only way to make us get it. Remember how precious life is and how easy it is to wrap yourself up in your own little world. Our time upon the earth is short, care about someone, take the chance and tell them. If you wait too long it might just be too late. Take the stance that you must work hard for what you want. That makes getting it, all the more precious. Keeping always in mind that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I am fond of saying "if it isn't hard, it isn't good nor is it appreciated."
Seize the moment, fight back your fears, bolster your courage and let them know how you feel. Don't be like me and my partner, don't take the other for granted and only realize how much you mean to one another when you both almost died. Even then, when this terrible event happened, I had to be bullied by my best friend to be honest with myself and my partner and say something. Because I clung to my walls and hid behind my fear and insecurities until I was shown by persistence and patience not to mention a perseverance I have never known before, that this person showed by calling me and telling me about his upcoming singing gigs, then the exciting news about a recording scout's approach of him when he was visiting Miami, then about his surgeries and his insistent drive and desire to include me in every aspect of his life. I was too blind to understand how much he honestly cared. Then it was put directly too me, right in my face via a text message that said "Okay well in some way we need to be together, let's enjoy our time...It doesn't last long for either of us, so enjoy the moments we have together." That's when it dawned on me that he felt the same way about me that I did about him. We weren't high or drunk were were just talking back and forth via text and it just came out. Then when I told my best friend about it. He told me to stop hiding my feelings and truly let them out, it had been too long since i shared my whole heart with someone. Here was the moment and the person I wanted to share it with and what was I going to do? Was I going to let it go and just let him walk away from me again like I did last summer? Or the time before that?
"Carpe Diem" - Seize the day are definitely words to live by! Because as I am so found of also saying "Stop to take the time to smell the roses, stop take a look at the majesty and beauty that surrounds you! For time passes quickly, beauty fades and before we realize it, we have missed all those precious moments that life has given to us." Remember to savor the here and now, because all we really have is the present moment. This precious and irreplaceable right now, that will never ever be repeated again in the whole of history. Don't wrap yourself so tightly into your own little world because the precious few perfect moments that life presents us with are fleeting, and if you aren't focused and paying attention they will pass you by.
Yet take heart my friends as with all things there is more than one choice here. For life is truly complicated and a perfect moment may never present itself, so then dear friend it is up too you to take the opportunity and create your own moment. Because as I pointed out above, take heed of the here and now, make the most of it. Savor it and flavor it in your own special way and seize it make it yours and do what must be done! Remember to love and live because life is like a feast and most poor souls are starving to death. Heed my words of advice, seek the truth that hides with in, seize the moment let your feeling show, because you never know you might find love and happiness like me. How close I was to almost missing it, to letting it slip away yet once again. Thank God for putting my partner here, and making him such and important part of my life, and thank you Lord for revealing to me when I was so sick that he was the only one that offered to drop everything in his life and come to be with me. Just because I wanted him. Plus, he felt that I needed him and as long as I did he was going to be there for me. He was the only one out of all my friends that said that too me. Second, it has been through his support and that of others that have continually encouraged me to write and keep doing what I love. Thank you God for just putting him in my life and granting him the patience to deal with my slow almost retarded view of relationships and love.
Life is too short to face it all alone my friends. Take a chance open your heart to love. Promise me you will give it another try. You can do it! Like Kerri Hilson sang "Sometimes when love comes around it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down."
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I lacked the courage to reach inside of myself and free my heart. To say enough is enough, to follow my inner voice to reach out and dare to love, or let someone love me. Yet, God saw my plight and sent people to enter back into my life to show me that no matter what my fears, anxieties and insecurities that are within me, that someone has been there patiently waiting for me to let them back in. Hit me with a club or knock me over with a feather, because low and behold he had been there, right there for the past two years. Neither of us realizing what the other meant until one day we found ourselves so far away from each other. The phone calls and emails, the laughter and all the pain painted a story I was too blind to see. I couldn't see the moments that were too precious and few that had passed on by. How important it is to savor every second because we only have the here and now! We aren't promised a tomorrow, and the past is already gone. You can't change what you have done or where you have been. But, you sure can take steps to correct the mistakes of the past, so they don't occur again in the future. We must learn from the past, not cling to it. Because as was pointed out to me you cannot move forward if you are constantly looking backward, and you can't build anything meaningful if you cling to the baggage of your old life. Let them go, surrender to the now and move forward.
Remember that men are not wise in the subtle nuances and ways of romance. It takes us a while to grasp the concept that someone is truly attracted to us. We miss the hints that are thrown our way. But please don't give up on us, if we don't get it at first. I beg of you to be brutal and painfully obvious, bludgeon us over the head, because trust me it maybe the only way to make us get it. Remember how precious life is and how easy it is to wrap yourself up in your own little world. Our time upon the earth is short, care about someone, take the chance and tell them. If you wait too long it might just be too late. Take the stance that you must work hard for what you want. That makes getting it, all the more precious. Keeping always in mind that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I am fond of saying "if it isn't hard, it isn't good nor is it appreciated."
Seize the moment, fight back your fears, bolster your courage and let them know how you feel. Don't be like me and my partner, don't take the other for granted and only realize how much you mean to one another when you both almost died. Even then, when this terrible event happened, I had to be bullied by my best friend to be honest with myself and my partner and say something. Because I clung to my walls and hid behind my fear and insecurities until I was shown by persistence and patience not to mention a perseverance I have never known before, that this person showed by calling me and telling me about his upcoming singing gigs, then the exciting news about a recording scout's approach of him when he was visiting Miami, then about his surgeries and his insistent drive and desire to include me in every aspect of his life. I was too blind to understand how much he honestly cared. Then it was put directly too me, right in my face via a text message that said "Okay well in some way we need to be together, let's enjoy our time...It doesn't last long for either of us, so enjoy the moments we have together." That's when it dawned on me that he felt the same way about me that I did about him. We weren't high or drunk were were just talking back and forth via text and it just came out. Then when I told my best friend about it. He told me to stop hiding my feelings and truly let them out, it had been too long since i shared my whole heart with someone. Here was the moment and the person I wanted to share it with and what was I going to do? Was I going to let it go and just let him walk away from me again like I did last summer? Or the time before that?
"Carpe Diem" - Seize the day are definitely words to live by! Because as I am so found of also saying "Stop to take the time to smell the roses, stop take a look at the majesty and beauty that surrounds you! For time passes quickly, beauty fades and before we realize it, we have missed all those precious moments that life has given to us." Remember to savor the here and now, because all we really have is the present moment. This precious and irreplaceable right now, that will never ever be repeated again in the whole of history. Don't wrap yourself so tightly into your own little world because the precious few perfect moments that life presents us with are fleeting, and if you aren't focused and paying attention they will pass you by.
Yet take heart my friends as with all things there is more than one choice here. For life is truly complicated and a perfect moment may never present itself, so then dear friend it is up too you to take the opportunity and create your own moment. Because as I pointed out above, take heed of the here and now, make the most of it. Savor it and flavor it in your own special way and seize it make it yours and do what must be done! Remember to love and live because life is like a feast and most poor souls are starving to death. Heed my words of advice, seek the truth that hides with in, seize the moment let your feeling show, because you never know you might find love and happiness like me. How close I was to almost missing it, to letting it slip away yet once again. Thank God for putting my partner here, and making him such and important part of my life, and thank you Lord for revealing to me when I was so sick that he was the only one that offered to drop everything in his life and come to be with me. Just because I wanted him. Plus, he felt that I needed him and as long as I did he was going to be there for me. He was the only one out of all my friends that said that too me. Second, it has been through his support and that of others that have continually encouraged me to write and keep doing what I love. Thank you God for just putting him in my life and granting him the patience to deal with my slow almost retarded view of relationships and love.
Life is too short to face it all alone my friends. Take a chance open your heart to love. Promise me you will give it another try. You can do it! Like Kerri Hilson sang "Sometimes when love comes around it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down."
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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