Monday, April 30, 2012

What do you do when the person you are trying to help won't help themselves?

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a huge heart and I am always trying to help another person.  But what do you do when the person you are trying to help won't help themselves?  They don't contribute to the household or even work?  This is actually a tough question and one that sometimes you cannot see when you are in the situation.  However, what I have found is that these people may claim that they are your friend, they may even have good intentions, but they are disappointing and fail to deliver.  No matter how many times you give them a chance they continue to remain the same.

An example of this can be seen from my last attempt to live in Atlanta.  I moved there but had 2 friends that had once lived with me before when I lived in Atlanta previously, yet before I relocated back to Atlanta I had spoken with both of them and both guaranteed me that they would get a job with in 2 weeks of coming there. We spoke constantly and laid out ground rules..these rules were agreed to but to my dismay neither one ended up getting a job after being at my apartment for three months, and none of the rules were adhered too.  One did help with keeping the kitchen clean but the other one never wanted to do anything complained when I told him he needed to get a job or go to school or do something. He would get irate and start yelling at me and then nothing ever changed.

It got to the point that after 8 months they were both still living with me and I was paying for everything.  I was beginning to feel distinctly used.  I actually didn't know what to do at this point.  They wouldn't work, had no money to help, stole my car, damage it and I had to pay to get it fixed and the bills kept getting higher and higher.  What eventually happened is that I couldn't cover the bills and the apartment complex evicted us. I ended up loosing everything including my two dogs, and my car and everything that was in the apartment.

But I learned something that has become the foundation for most of my writings so far.  That sometimes if you really care about someone you have to be stern and say no, you must stop, cease, remain strong and steadfast. In other words you must demonstrate what is know as tough love.  This means that you must not shirk from confrontation you must embrace it and confident that you are in the right.  Now, what I mean by this is if you realize that someone is using you and not helping themselves then they need to be cut loose.  You must let them go.  If you continue to help them when they aren't helping themselves or even doing their own part to move forward in some way then it is in your best interest to let them go. Someone sent me a picture that says "If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."

This is exactly what I have been trying to tell you in this entry.  But more than that I want you to think about this, if someone you know in your life is at the same place and isn't moving forward and going some place then they aren't helping themselves and they definitely aren't helping you.  Remember this always, anyone who is not helping you and adding to your life and trying to help you get to the next level then they are using you and holding you back. They are stumbling blocks and are keeping you from moving forward yourself.

Another way to put this is if you know someone who hasn't moved forward for years and years they are still the same and still doing the same.  Then they aren't doing anything to better themselves. If you help them and let them continue in their lifestyle never changing and never moving forward, then they are using you as a crutch and you are enabling them to never change.  This is a very detrimental relationship and needs to be ended.  Please if you have a bad friendship or relationship like the ones I described here...please do me a favor and realize that you must let them go, They are not your friends and they are only trying existing on your charity and using your kindness for weakness.  Please be wary and don't get caught like I did and have to learn this the hard way.  A friend is someone who has your best interest at heart. They are there when you need them and are supportive and caring.  They give just as much as they take and are always willing to build and grow with you.

I know that this sounds like a simple thing, but trust me there are people out there that fall victim to this all the time, and because they are inside the situation they cannot see that they are being used and being hurt by the people claiming to be their friends.

So here in recap if a person or relationship is not benefiting you and them and you both are not moving forward toward the next station in life then you must be strong and steadfast in your resolve cut the friendship and move on by yourself.

As always give me your thoughts and feedback.  Let me know if there is a topic you would like to discuss.

Uncle B

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Have you ever been intimidated or scared by someone?

Depending on who you are I would say that each and everyone of us has been scared, intimidated, bullied by someone in our life.  What did you do? Did you confront the person? Live with it? Or did you fight back in someway.  The topic of bullying has been in the media so much lately, there are commercials, there are pro-athletes and movie stars, singers and common everyday people speaking out against bullying and encouraging each of us to do our part to put a stop to it.

Here is the problem with these media campaigns they all assume that someone is witnessing the event taking place.  But what happens when you are all alone and you are caught by someone who is bullying you? How are you going to handle the immediate situation? What are you going to do?

Another problem is what exactly do we consider bullying? A bully uses intimidation, physical force, maybe emotional abuse and guilt to try and make another person do something or control them in some way.  Bullying is unpredictable, you never know how the situation is going to turn out.

These are my thoughts on the matter: No matter what the situation is or how scared you are. You must keep moving, try not to say anything and if they want something, give it to them.  My philosophy here is that retreat and personal safety are the better part of valor.  Keep your head down, try not to speak back and make the situation worse.  Once you are safely out of the situation you need to find the nearest adult or person in authority like a police officer, security guard, parking attendant, etc.  You need to let someone know what has happened and give as much information as you can to what the situation was about.  Now, in a dangerous situation you are going to be scared, you are going to panic, and you are going to want to get away from the situation as soon as possible.  But remember the more information you can give the authorities the better the chance that they will be able to find the person and deal with the situation.

You might even be bullied in your relationship, it definitely is easy to loose your sense of self when you are in a relationship and it is easy for your partner to manipulate you and put you down, make you feel inferior, This is a form of emotional abuse and you don't deserve to be treated that way.  Each of us deserves to be treated with love and respect.  But what will you do if you are in a situation that you cannot seem to get out of. Your mate is abusive, bullying, and keeps you always down. You need to realize that this is happening to you and you need to find inside yourself the strength to get away from that person.  You should remember that if this person is not helping you to get to the next station in your life, they are holding you back they are keeping you down, they really don't care about you, find help, confide in a friend, do something.  Doing nothing just strengthens the other persons hold on you and keeps you from moving forward.

Ut is everyone's responsibility to speak out, let someone know what has happened or is happening.  If we don't all do our part, how can we expect this issue to be resolved. Teachers and security guards cannot be everywhere, if you see something transpiring at school or on the street find someone of authority, strength is in numbers. Don't try to intervene yourself if you see that the situation could potentially become dangerous.

Many times if a person is bullying you it because you have something they want, or they are trying to impress someone or they are just compensating for some sort of abuse or they are trying to manipulate you into doing something that they want.  If you can get a person talking and can find out what the situation is all about so much the better, but the idea is to not get hurt and not put yourself at risk. The authorities will have to investigate and find out what the root cause of the problem is.

If you are a bully, what is it that is causing you to lash out and hurt others.  Why are you trying to make someone as miserable as yourself. If you are being abused at home or whatever your situation you need to let someone know what is going on. They can help you, get you help and stop the abuse.  Put yourself in the other persons shoes.  Try to understand that you are hurting someone, you are intimidating them, and embarrassing them.  None of us like to feel threatened, scared, intimidated, embarrassed, humiliated.  So treat others like you want to be treated. Remember that everything thing we do in this life has direct and severe consequences.  Karma is a Biotch and is something that you don't want to have come at you in a negative fashion.  Just remember that what comes around goes around.  In either situation whether you are the victim or the bully. Whatever you give out will come back. If you talk about another person in a negative way you are actually cursing the person.  Remember what I told you in my earlier post about the law of attraction?  In the terms of metaphysic energy remember that like energy draws more of the same. Positive positive and negative negative.  Now let me tell you something else that falls in the same category as the above law.  In our physical world we are taught about the law of cause and effect.

Physics teach us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Using this law anything we say or do would put this law into motion.  So if you think or speak something badly about a person you have actually cursed that person and put this law into full action.  What you may not be aware of is this if you put out good into this law you will get three-fold back, but if you put negative or bad out there you get ten-fold back this is the law of cause and effect and karma coming back at you. So please be careful with what you do, what you think, how you act, react and treat others because you are going to reap what you sow, and what comes around goes around.  Karma is an unforgiving mistress and will pay you back in kind when you are least expecting it.

So what have I been trying to tell you...Think before you act, curb your tongue, keep your head down, and if you are in a confrontational situation, do what you have to so you don't physically get hurt.  As soon as you get clear of the situation, let someone know, do something, you don't want someone else having to go through what you just went through. Try to remember as much from the encounter as you can and pass that on to others.

Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, love one another, and smile...You will get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.   If we could all live by this philosophy the world would be a much better and happier place.

As always...let me know what you think and get back to me...

Uncle B

Friday, April 27, 2012

Vision, Is it 20/20?

Since the beginning of time there have been mystic, seers, gypsies, fortune tellers, prophets, evangelists, and myriads of people trying to divine the future, to glimpse and predict what will come and what will be.  Through it all it has amounted to not much.  Even some of the most noted prophets like Edgar Cayce and Nostrodamus have not been able to tell us exactly to the letter what the future holds for each of us.

I can honestly tell you that the future that is in-store for each of us is the culmination of the choices we have made, the paths we have chosen and the consequences of these things.  I cannot tell you exactly what is going to unfold for you or even myself.  I cannot even accurately predict when I am going to die or how it will occur.  All I can say for certainty is that because I was born into the human race I know that I am on the road toward death.  You see it was explained to Adam when him and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden that our time on Earth will be limited.  Because of Original sin we must now face a certain death.  I can also speak that because God loved us so much He sent Jesus to take on the sins of the world to ensure us eternal life free from our worldly burdens.

Now this might be a little to deep into the religious for you, but please bear with me on this because we are going to depart from religion here and talk about vision because you see vision is something that each of us possess.  It is a gift that we are given and if we use it correctly can help us to understand ourselves and the world a little better.

Though the haze of the future cannot be pierced we still have sight..have you ever heard of the saying "Hindsight is 20/20?" This is the point that we are going to start see I cannot tell you what tomorrow holds for me, I cannot even tell you what the next minute holds...but I can clearly tell you what I did last year, 5 minutes ago.  Our past is the key to understanding the future, if we truly turn and reflect on what we have come through and where we have been, focus on the mistakes that we have made and strive to ensure that we don't repeat them we can ensure that we have a bright and happy future.  We must learn from our past and keep moving forward.  I can only see where I have stepped and have walked up to this exact point. But by reviewing and reflecting on what I have learned from my journey this far, it will help me place my feet on the correct path I am about to walk on going forward.

The mists of time obscure the distant past and the immediate future, but the near past, and where we are at this moment are perfectly clear in our eyes.  Please take the time and look at where you have been, where you have come from and and then you can plan on the direction that you want to go in the future.

My personal quote is as follows "Anything in this world can be accomplished if you only strive for perfection one day at a time" this is how I live my life and it might help you in yours.  I also want you to remember this that live is fleeting, and we do not have a guarantee that tomorrow will be granted to us.  So please give thanks every morning for the blessings of another day, and take the time to smell the roses along the way for time is fleeting and beauty fades, but hope and love and faith endure.

So here is my kernel of advice the one thing I hope you walk away from this post with is this:  Learn from the past, accept where you are at, face the consequences of your choices, look to the future and rejoice knowing that you are going to be blessed.  Understand that life is short, and we cannot move forward if we are looking backward, we cannot start anew if we cling to the past and refuse to let go.  That we can only get to where we are going if we continue to plod forward and head toward our own personal perfection.  Please please understand that life is short and fleeting take time to enjoy the beauty that surrounds you and the people you are blessed with knowing and rejoice in the blessing you have and be strengthened by your journey, trials, and tribulations.  Remember this if nothing else...the person you are is the culmination of all that you have been through, what you have done, the hardships you faced and overcome and the people you have helped, and those that have helped you..the choices you have made and guess what as you look back at your life and learn you will see that you are unique and special in every way, and that you cannot be replaced...

All my hopes and dreams are with you...
Uncle B

Do you ever wonder why people seem to change over time?

When you meet someone new have you ever noticed that they seem to change, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot over time?  It is something that I have encountered time after time, with almost all of my friendships and relationships.  How do you approach every new encounter with a person?  Do you approach each as a long lasting friendship or do you look for something else?

I will tell you that I approach each encounter with the conscious thought that I am building a life long relationship that is going to stand up to the length of time. I have friends from middle school that I still talk to to this day, I have friends from the Navy, College and beyond.  But, with each and everyone I have had to overcome the masks that they present to the world.  Everyone of us do this to some extent or another.  This is the face that we wear out in public, it is what the world see first.  These masks help us feel secure and only show the portion of ourselves that we want others to see.

Now, by me saying this I am not saying that this is a bad thing.  It isn't, it is our coping mechanism with the world at large.  However, when you start to get to know a person truly, you begin to see the real person behind the facade that they present to the world.  In order for the relationship to stand up to the rigors of time, we must not only reveal our true selves to the other, but we must come to accept the other for who and what they are.  We have to accept their likes, dislikes, and idiosyncrasies.  We must love ourselves and must be comfortable enough with ourselves to see and accept ourselves and others.  This is not easy to do sometimes, and sometimes it is hard to turn off the mask that we wear.

What ever happened to "What you See is What you get?"  Some people have reached a level in their lives that they can incorporate and elaborate on their true inner self and that is the mask that they wear.  I learned this a long time ago working for Disney.  You are not to ever have a problem, when you are anywhere a Guest can see you, a smile should be on your face.  You never let a guest see you upset or down, you never let the magic fade.  The mask that I have perfected is that of complete happiness and positive disposition where nothing or no one seems to bother me, I try to never utter a harsh word about someone or criticize too much because that isn't my way.  Yet, those who know me and take the chance to get to know the real me the one who hides behind the mask, they find that at times I do have moments of despair, times of depression, I also get overwhelmed at times and I cry sometimes. Yet, my mask that I put out to the world is who I have become, these moments are short in duration and help me to reach out to others and help them with their problems and concerns.

My mask has given me the strength to overcome my pitfalls and weakness.  I strive to maintain a positive outlook and I pray constantly for guidance and wisdom.  So, what is the point that I am trying to make here?
It should be obvious that the old adage "Never judge a book by it's cover" is what I am trying to emphasize. Don't rely only on first impressions, because the person behind the mask might just be the person you are looking for.  You should remember that God brings people into our lives for various purposes.  It is my contention that there are 3 types of people that continually flow in and out of our lives.  These are Teachers, Students, and Confidants.  You may never know until they have left you which one they were....or what combination they if you take the time to get to know everyone on the same basis of building and maintaining a permanent or long standing relationship you will definitely benefit from their wisdom, they might benefit from yours, or you might just find the person who you can always rely and depend upon.

But you have to get past that first initial mask to find the real person hiding inside, and if you are not looking for anything more than a friendship, you will soon find that you can see the real person hiding behind the mask.  Take the time and get to know everyone and approach them exactly the same and you will see what I am talking about.

Remember, from friendship comes trust, from trust comes understanding and from understanding love can take root and grow.  I have heard it say time and again, that if I get involved with you it will ruin our friendship. What a cop-out that truly is, because guess what if you are friends to start with how can being with someone intimately damage that will say when the relationship ends it would ruin the friendship.  Well if you have truly built a relationship built on trust, friendship and have really gotten to know the real person why on earth would that relationship end, and if it did for a reason of betrayed trust or other reason, I can tell you that time will heal that wound and you will realize and miss the friend that you had and reconciliation will begin. This is not to say that the intimate relationship can be restored, it is telling you that if you never take the risk and see where it could go, you will never know and you could miss the opportunity God gave you to meet your perfect mate.

Keep an open mind, look behind the mask, get to know the person, develop that friendship and the relationship that might lead you to your perfect companion and mate or it could bless you with a new best friend.  You never know.  The future is hidden from us.

I beg you to take a chance.  Let your mask go and let the world see the real you...Like me you might find that you aren't too different from the mask you wear.  People will see the real you, they will accept you, they will be glad they met you.

Here is an example of what I mean.  A friend of mine who I was very close to in high school read my status on Facebook left a comment.  First she asked me how do I manage to stay so positive and focused when so many things are happening with me.  She then told me that she found our yearbook from 26 years ago and that I was caring and so positive even back then...she told me that I am truly blessed and an inspiration.  See  the real me the man behind the mask is not so different from the who I truly am...the one slight difference is I don't ever let the whole world see when I am down or hurting, however, those who know me get to see those aspects that I keep hidden.  This doesn't weaken my position it actually strengthens me and proves that I am human.  But because of the persona I have adopted I never stay down for long and bounce back.

I hope to continue to be an inspiration to others, I hope to live my life as an example of how having a positive outlook and a positive attitude can and will bring more positive energy and blessing in to our daily lives.  I pray that you have patience and approach every new encounter in the spirit of love, kindness and friendship, that you can learn from what I have written.

Let me hear from you....I want to hear your thoughts on this....If this truly helps you let me know and if you think I am totally wrong I want to hear it too.

May God Keep you and Bless you....

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Thursday, April 26, 2012

What is time?

Bare with me as I ramble on about my concept of time.  You may not agree, but that is what a blog is for.  Time is a man-made construct with which we govern our lives.  We practice the solar calender currently, but there have been other calenders before the solar calender, like the Mayan calender and the lunar calender etc.  But, what I want to focus on is the concept of time itself.  Earliest mans concept of time was governed by the following of the migration patterns of the animals they hunted.  They noted the season by the weather changes and climate shifts.  Remember that most of the earliest civilizations were nomadic, they followed after their prey.

As with all things societies change, grow, advance, and develop.  Man's society went from hunting and gathering to settling and growing.  Villages began to be settled when the nomadic tribes realized that by staying in a central location and gathering together they could withstand the onslaught of wild beasts, other marauding peoples.  By settling they also began to realize that they could plant what had been gathered and harvest the resulting crops.  As villages became more established the passage of time began to noticed, first in the passage of the season, the phases of the moon, the changes of the weather patterns, and eventually the migration patterns of flocks and birds.  Thus, came into being the first calenders.  These calenders were kept by the village wiseman/woman it would mark the festival days, harvest days and other rituals that were common practice at the time.

But like it or not, time is something that man created to mark the passage of the sun through the heavens, the moon phases through the season, and even the weather changes of the yearly seasons.  Time became important to the early religions, the oldest of our folklore and ingrained in our culture. As civilization advanced with the coming of the Sumerians and Egyptians, time became more important, it was also recorded for the first time in written history, and as humans our culture has propagated it continually forward.

But, time is not something that has a physical shape or form, yet it governs our very lives.  We work by it, we eat, sleep and measure it with sophisticated devices.  We have become enslaved to time.  Time has become a ritual and a bad habit most people cannot avoid. Of course we know that in our current society that our time is governed by the earths rotation, it marks our days beginning and end and the passage of months is measured by our revolution around the sun .

So here it is my friends, we created time to help us, we relied on time to tell us when the changes of the seasons would occur, when to plant our crops and harvest their fruit.  So how is it that we have become slaves to time.  That we are driven by the fear of time, that goals and plans have to be governed by time.  How is that time has become in a sense our master?  Time is a man made tool and device that should be used as a guide.  Not as a measure of our wealth or worth. Don't let time rule you..

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Reflections on Happiness

I have been thinking a great deal about happiness lately.  We are raised in our society to go out and pursue happiness.  We set expectations and goals thinking that these are going to bring us happiness.  Some people struggle to find happiness in their work, others in their possessions, some in their children, home, car, etc.

What I have realized after this last meeting with my own mortality is that happiness is not some external force or item.  It isn't attained by reaching a goal or landing that fabulous job we have always wanted.  Happiness is a state of being.

Happiness comes from with in ourselves, it is the joy of helping others, it is becoming comfortable with who you are.  But lets go a little further.  Happiness is the key ingredient needed to become truly prosperous.  Now by prosperity, I am not talking just financial wealth, I am talking about a truly happy and prosperous person.

Happiness comes from an inner harmony of your mind and your heart. Happiness is becoming self aware, content and happy with where you are at in your life.  Happiness is understanding that everyday is a blessing and we need to be thankful for the things that we have in our lives and what we have achieved to that point.

Now Prosperity builds on this: you see a truly prosperous person has become content and accepting of who and what they have at every given moment of their life.  It doesn't mean that they don't have any goals or aspirations, it means that they have accepted themselves for who they are, they acknowledge their limitations and shortcomings, regroup and stay focused on their next endeavor.  Being happy is a state of consciousness that allows positive energy to flow around you and through you.  It enables you to draw more positive energy into your life.  Prosperity utilizes that energy and allows you to be open and receptive to your blessings.

Now that I have brought up the subject of positive energy, I would like to explain it to you in as simple a way as I can. Spiritual energy or energy of the soul or ethereal energy is an energy force that is around us all throughout nature.  Now this energy field (which auras and the current that flows through our human body) acts and reacts differently than the electrical energy or current of the physical or real universe ie: our conscious reality of daily life.  You have to understand that in our physical world that is governed by science and the natural laws of physics opposite energies attract one another.  An example of this can be conducted by a simple experiment using two magnets.  If you remember from physics class each magnet has two poles a positive and a negative pole.  Now, if you place the two magnets with poles facing each other the positive pole to positive pole the magnet is pushed away from each other..The opposite is also true that the negative sides will also repel each other.  The magnets when put in close proximity with the opposite poles facing each other will be pulled together.  This is commonly referred to as the law of attraction.

Using that knowledge as a basis, you will begin to understand that spiritual energy or ethereal energy operates in a totally opposite fashion.  Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative.  The more positive energy we send out into the world the more positive we receive back.  So you may be asking yourself at this point what has all of this to do with being happy.  This is the basis of becoming aware of yourself and the energy around you.  You will be more receptive through prayer, meditation, or positive visualization, these harmonize the mind, body and soul, into a higher state of consciousness and open us up for our desires to be manifested from our mind into the spiritual world, which in turn manifests them in the physical world.  So yes, you can make yourself well, you can achieve anything that you truly set your mind upon.

However, happiness is a man made vice that if you go off to seek it you will never find it. You must reach within yourself and see what you have accomplished, who you have helped and touched and be comfortable with where you are at each stage your life.  You must know that the road is long and when you hit a road bump or a fork in the road, that it is just that it is a thing to overcome or a place to make a choice, but if you are content and comfortable with yourself you will have happiness throughout your journey.  You don't know the future or what it holds, but you do know where you were, where you have come from and you know how you have grown, rejoice and enjoy see the happiness and seize it.  Because the next phase is going to be so much easier once you have done it.

Have you ever come to a place where all the doors are closed?  Have you stopped and wondered why?  Think about this...maybe all the doors are closed so when you open one it will lead you to the right road you need to be upon.

Thanks for reading this and staying with me this far...let me know what you think....I will write some more of my reflections hopefully they will be able to uplift and help someone.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B