Family can get a little confusing but learn to love and accept them they will be there for you when you need them

Despite how confusing and dysfunctional your family may seem to you, be assured that there are other families out there that make yours look like a walk in the park.  It doesn't matter if your parents are still together or if they have divorced and remarried or whatever.  Anyone in your family is just that family. They will be there for you when you are going through things, they are a support network. The only people that are going to be there for you when the chips are down and your back is to the wall.  I am writing this because so often in life we distance ourselves from our families, loose touch, aren't as open and communicative as we can be.  I want you to understand that no matter what your family has your back they are going to be there for you when everyone else has taken advantage of you and abandoned you.  Sure they may be harsh, condescending and stubborn, they may be an argumentative bunch, seem to be indifferent, but let me tell you when something happens to you, they rally around you and are there for you in whatever way they can.  That is what families do.  As I have pointed out in several blog entries, you cannot depend on anyone else out there in the world to have your best interests at heart and have your back, with the exception of family.  Now this is the first time I have brought up the subject of family, so I am going to describe to you my family and how it is a normal every day dysfunctional family unit, but how we pull together and help those that are in trouble.

My parents have been married to each other and divorced three times.  At first my family consisted of my brother and myself, and about 3 years ago my father met a very nice woman and they are living together, now even though they are not married, my brother and I have been accepted into her family.  Which adds a whole new mix of relatives into the fray.  Which is fine because I haven't met any of her family that hasn't been kind, warm and generous and accepted us with open arms into the family.   As most of you are aware back in March my colon ruptured in 2 places and I was put into the hospital for almost a month, and 19 days of that time I was in intensive care because my blood pressure wouldn't stabilize.  Now I can tell you that the recovery process has been long and involved.  Nancy and my dad were right there lending their support, and help when and where I needed.  Nancy's family has been also part of the support network, and that sure beats having to try and doing it all on my own.  I am guessing if I had to try and recover on my own from what happened I wouldn't have made it.  There were a lot of problems and complications and I needed help giving iv antibiotics, changing dressings and bandages, the whole nine yards.

With the addition of a sister and brother to the family, it also brought their children as well. So now there are new nieces and nephews in the fray as well. I look at these as people I can get to know and hang out with and do things with.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with opening up and trying to get to know the new extended family because as I have said they are going to be there for you when you need them most.

Now, whether you have multiple sets of grandparents, parents, brother, sisters, cousins or nephews, etc you should count yourself lucky.  Often times we find ourselves alone and lonely.  With family around you will always have something to do. Places to go and unfortunately work to do as well.  But embrace the fact that you are blessed and be happy that your parents have finally met others that make them happy.  Do everything you can to fit in and be patient.  Take the time to get to know them.  You know that you will be glad that you did and feel like it was all worth the effort.  The only thing I caution you is to keep your beliefs and preferences to yourself. Don't force someone to believe or think the way you do, don't push your lifestyle or choices off on them.  Just enjoy their company and the time spent with them.

Like I always stress be honest with them, talk to them about yourself. They may not have grown up with you, or live with you currently.  But don't try to hide anything from them either because it is eventually going to come back on you.  Trust me when I say you cannot have to much family standing behind you. Celebrate and rejoice the fact that they are in your life and cherish the time that you have together, even if you don't agree on each and everything. Learn to compromise and be understanding of their choices and preferences.  If you have a certain preference and they don't share it don't try to force it on them. Because it will back fire.  An example of this my nephew was on Meet.com talking with some girls and these two guys on their kept hitting on him, and he made a statement to me that he was putting that he was only interested in girls on his profile, he didn't want me to think badly of him because I was gay, and apparently he didn't want me to think that he was putting up there because of me.

I told him it was alright for him to do that. Because I don't think it was right for those guys to push themselves at him and try to coerce him into doing something that he wasn't comfortable with.  I don't believe that anyone person should push what they believe or do on anyone period.  I also took it as a little heads up that because he knew that I was gay he was trying to tell me subtly that he wasn't interested in me because he was only interested in woman. Now to be honest with you I until he had brought it up by making his statement, I hadn't even considered him in a sexual way, and I actually still don't.  I pointed out that I was old enough to be his father, and though I don't mind hanging and chilling with him, I wasn't looking for a child to raise.  I wanted someone more my age and style.  He did point out that him and I have a lot of common interests, and I think that is great and I think that a strong friendship will come out of it.

Plus, another benefit for anyone that has been reading my blog since the beginning. You all know that there are times when I feel lonely and alone, because I have no one to do things with or hang out with. I look at this as an opportunity to have some fun with someone else, a good friend who wouldn't mind doing some of the same things I am interested in. My father and step mother don't like the same kind of movies I like so it will be good to have someone who does to go with me to see them.  In my opinion it is a great thing. I am kind of happy he moved down from Ohio, because up until this point I pretty much hangout in my bedroom and occasionally  hangout with my parents but normally I am by myself.

The whole point I am trying to make here, is that parents aren't perfect, relationship's aren't always perfect and there isn't a really decent handbook out there that addresses every conceivable type of situation that a relationship might face and have to overcome.  So when a new family comes in with a new relationship, embrace it, accept it, and above all explore everything about it. Get to know one another and before you know it you are going to have a strong and lasting support network, no matter what happens to you in your life.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Coming out a tale of fear...

Something has been telling me that this is a topic I need to talk about.  One of the things I pride myself on is the ability to take complex concepts and write about them in such a way that anyone who reads about it can understand the topics.  I try hard to break down these topics to make sure that the most people can benefit by what I write about.  For the LGBT community the largest fear is often the fear of being found out about their sexual preference by friends and family.  Coming out is probably a young gay persons biggest nightmare and fear that they have to face. The art of deception is practiced and they become experts at hiding their true selves from family, friends, co-workers and peers.

In most cases these young men and women perfect their ruse so convincingly that they often times can start to believe if for themselves, most develop the idea that they are bisexual and often have sex with anyone and everyone.  In all honesty this is probably not a bad thing.  It helps them to figure out which group they feel more comfortable around and identify with.  Generally through this period of experimentation they figure out which group they develop stronger attachments too and where their attractions really gravitate towards. Unfortunately, because of their upbringing and feelings of difference as well as guilt drive these young individuals to hide who they are and fear discovery of their inclinations so they do everything they can to hide what they are feeling.

It seems that feelings of guilt as well as fear of discovery paralyzes young people and keeps them from truly feeling comfortable with themselves.  Another fear is that of letting parents down and living up to expectations that have been thrust upon them.  They feel miserable about having to live a dual life and some cannot seem to get past these feelings.  Young men and women of color have more concerns to deal with because they have different concepts about masculinity and have a belief within their culture that being gay or different automatically makes then effeminate. This is not necessarily true, but within their culture a different divide exist from that of caucasians.  It seems that culture and society paints the picture of gay men to be girlish, effeminate, and gives the impression that a gay person cannot be masculine what I term unclockable, which just means that other people would never suspect them of being gay.  As someone who has dated a lot of men of color I can tell you that most of them don't consider themselves to be totally gay at all, they would rather label themselves as bisexual.  Though in most cases they refer to themselves as heterosexual even though they are fooling around with a gay or bisexual.  Hence the evolution of the Down Low phenomena.


Hell to almost everyone I have ever encountered the tale of coming out has always been one of great fear and dread.  Everyone fears the reprisal of those they know and how they will react to the knowledge of their true sexual preference. Often times this fear is a motivator for a person to keep potential partners at an arms length and give others the impression that they don't know what they want and that they are searching for something.  At one point I used to call this phase a persons slut phase.  Where experimentation and the changing of partners seems almost like a weekly event.  When I was growing up we jokingly referred to those we were dating as the flavor of the week.  At some points in my life I changed my boyfriends almost as fast as I changed my hair color and I can tell you that was often, because I grew up in the 80's and was very much into the club and bar scene even though I was often underage. 


I am here to tell you that every gay man and women goes through the terror of coming out.  There is nothing that I know of that is going to alleviate the feeling of exposure and the terror you are not going to be accepted and that you are going to be rejected by family and friends.  The fear is so powerful and gripping that you will do anything to keep from being exposed. But I can tell you that no matter what you think, it is much easier than you imagine, and another thing is this no matter what you think after the initial reaction people are going to come around.  You are going to find that once you have come out the stress of living a double life and keeping all those lies in place that a sense of completion and wholeness will envelope over you.  You are going to find others that know what you are going through and can and will sympathize with you.  Remember, we have all been through it and we have survived.  I am not saying that it is going to be easy, but trust me you are going to find that you want to out yourself before someone else inadvertently does it for you.  I also have to tell you that your mother knows already, and though she may be hurt, angry and react badly at first, she is going to be the first to come around and accept you for who you are.  There is a biological connection with your mother, that you don't readily have with your father, and trust me telling your father is probably the hardest thing you will do.

Here is the reason for the reaction you experience, I can tell you that any type of bad news, injury, illness triggers the same response in everyone.  These are the 4 stages of grief and as with everything else in life people have to deal with them in their time and way.  But trust me everyone goes through them and guess what it doesn't matter what age or what the situation turns out to be.  The first response is going to be denial.  For some reason they cannot believe that it is true, and they will not talk  about it or address the situation, in the hopes that it will go away. Further, they may even suggest that there is something wrong with you, that you are going through a phase and that it will pass. But, for them it is actually a form of wishful thinking and away to avoid the feeling of guilt.  The second phase is Anger,  now this anger may seem directed at you, but in truth it is turned inward.  Parents automatically assume that they are responsible, that they did something wrong, or that something forced you to this situation.  Trust me this is probably the hardest stage of the process you are going to have to endure.  The third stage is depression, and guess what both of you are going to experience this.  Unfortunately, the guilt of their anger and denial are going to force you to second guess yourself and try to once again hide who you really are. This of course is a natural response, yet it is difficult to endure and sometimes climb out of.  But, you know who you are and what makes you happy, and you need to remain true to yourself and not let their concerns weigh you down.   The final stages are acceptance and hope. Now, I am going to tell you that even when you get to these stages there are so many thoughts and concerns that are running through your parents and friends heads, and there is going to be a fair amount of worry that goes along with it.  But you will see that everyone that loves you and cares about you is going to come around, it takes time and patience on your part and understanding of what a person goes through.  Remember even as others are going through these phases you yourself are going to experience them as well.

You might wonder if it is worth all the pain and hurt that you are going to go through, but believe me it definitely is.  Because once you have come out, you are going to feel a heavy weight lifted from you, you are going to feel complete, you are going to feel relief that you no longer have to hide who you are.  Now, when most people get to this stage they really let their hair down and go wild and crazy.  I guess it is part of the process itself because you act outrageous, get bold and daring and try things you have never done before because you are released from the fear that has been griping you.  Again, as I have pointed out this is a natural thing to do. But, a word of caution here, your parents and friends have every right to be concerned for you, and your safety.  Even though times have changed quite a bit since the time I came out, the world is still a violent place, and there are still bigots and haters in the world that are going to try and steal your joy and hurt you.  Plus, relationships all end in pain of some kind no matter how long they last.  Further, there are terrible illnesses out there that you can be exposed to.  When I came out there was no real knowledge or understanding about AIDS and HIV, and I lost a lot of good friends to the disease in the 80's and early 90's.  Now, I don't want this to frighten you and discourage you from being yourself and discovering who you are and what you can be in the world.  Today, HIV is no longer a death sentence like it used to be, with proper care and treatment you can live 30 to 40 years of a normal life, and new treatments are being developed every day.  I believe that in your lifetime a cure might actually be found and the disease eradicated once and for all.

I want you to be courageous and adventurous, explore your sexuality and have fun doing it.  Find others like yourself that have similar interests and be yourself and honest about what you are feeling.  Take the time to really explore your feelings and be sure that you express them often.  Make sure that you don't hold them in and hide them, because you are going to have problems later on in life if you don't figure out how to express yourself and communicate how you feel to others as well as yourself. I am not going to tell you that being in the LGBT community and lifestyle is going to be easy, or that you aren't going to experience hardships. Because let me be totally honest, same sex relationships are much more difficult then other relationships. The reason for this is because you have all the normal problems and pressures of relationships you also have the sensor of societal norms, which is just a way of saying that everyone expects you to be "straight".  As I have said there have been great strides since I came out in the early 80's till now, but there are still the religious bigots and others that are going to tell you that you are wrong, that what you feel is wrong, there are going to be others that criticize you and tell you that you are sick.  Then on top of those you have other considerations and persecutions to rise above.  Especially if you are like me and get involved in a interracial relationship.

I will talk more about relationships and interracial relationship in greater detail in another blog entry.  This one entry is an attempt to expose the fears and lies that are keeping you in hiding, denying yourself the way you truly feel. It is my hope that those who read this can understand what is going to happen when they come out and that it will make it easier for them to make the transition.  I mentioned earlier the topic of bisexuality, and that is another blog topic that I am going to explore in the future.  It is important for you to come to terms with your own feelings and desires, and to be honest to yourself and those that care about you and you them.  I am not saying that it is going to be easy, that you are not going to feel pain making this transition, or that you aren't going to run into opposition.  What I want you to understand in the long run, when all is said and done, you are going to feel so much better, and feel a sense of relief that is so profound and comforting.

Please keep in mind that at first you may lose some friends, there are going to be a few that will never be able to wrap their mind around your sexuality, they are going to think that you made a choice, or that something outside of your life cause you to act that way.  In most cases the ones that are truly your friend are going to come to terms with it and come back into your life.  The ones that don't and ridicule and make fun of you, cut them loose, they are not truly friends and they honestly aren't looking out for you or even really care about you, they are around you for some other type of reason or hidden agenda.  So if they leave you haven't lost much at all anyway.  Once you have come out a whole new world opens up for you, and you are going to learn and experience things you never dreamed of.  Trust me you are going to develop an extended family, there are going to people you are going to grow to call your Gay Dad, Gay Mom, you are going to have gay brothers and sisters, even nephews and so forth.  Your life is going to become very interesting and rewarding.

I need to warn you though about drama, it is very prevalent in the gay community and at times you are going to run into those that live for drama and love to stir it up.  These end up being trouble makers and usually are very unhappy and lonely, the strive to make everyone around them as unhappy as they are.  They hate to see you having fun and enjoying yourself, they try and sabotage every friendship and relationship that might threaten what they perceive as their place and standing in your life.  Trust me when I tell you are going to get to a point in your life when you are not going to want to have these types of people in your life and the stress that they bring and keep fluent in your life. Eventually, you are going to want to live in a drama free zone.  But when and how that comes about is as different as the individuals that are involved.  Trust me it may be fun and entertaining at first, but it quickly will become a drain and full of stress, that you can avoid and do without in your daily life.

Let me fill you in on my story, give you some idea of how things could go and how it all turned out.  It is amazing how perceptive some people can be, and the ones that love and care about you the most are most likely the first to know your secret.  I know this to be true because honestly my dad's mom knew before everyone else.  Now, I was very open about my sexuality my senior year in high school to everyone except my parents.  Like I described above I was totally terrified about coming out to my parents.  Now, I will be honest my parents had to know, but they were deep in denial, my parents were going through a lot of their own issues and fighting and if you ask my family were really abusive to me and my brother.  However, in my sophomore year me and a couple of neighbor kids were caught by one of their fathers and my parents were told, of course trying to preserve my secret I lied about everything and I assumed that they bought the lie.  I know for a fact that the other two lied to their parents as well.  How I know this one of them became my boyfriend and we were together off and on through high school and six years of my navy life.  I guess to be really honest we fooled around for several years after I got out of the Navy.

For a year I was stationed at the Naval shipyard in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and I would spend as much time with my grandmother's as I could.  Shortly before my dad's mother died she told me that I was a special and loving person and that I needed to live my life to the fullest and make myself happy, that she knew how special I was and that she loved me all the more for it.  Never to let anyone tell me that my feelings were not normal or that I was different because I wasn't and that above all things she loved me and accepted me for the person I was and who I would become.  Now, this was very emotional and moving for me because I had never confided in her or told her about my preferences before this.  I am so thankful that I had a couple more months to spend with her before she died.  It was her wisdom and insight that kept me going when things turned bad, and when I finally told my parents and how their reaction went.  My mother screamed at me, pulled an earring out of my ear, and told me that her father told her but she never believed him.  My father, wouldn't talk to me and for the entire time I was home on leave, which thank God was only two weeks, life at home was unbearable. Every time my mother would get mad at me she would swear and through stuff up in my face, at one point she even told me "How can you defend that person against me I am your family and the only relation to you is your blood on their dick."  Now this was vile and offensive too me because I wasn't actually taking anyone's side in the fight, but this is how my mother lashed out at me, she used words and guilt as weapons and waged war pretty unfairly.  She has since come around and believe it or not is my best friend and number 1 fan.

Honestly gay life is not for the faint of heart, or someone who is not strong. You are going to face challenges and situations that are going to test you, but like the old saying goes "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger", believe me it is true.  Some of us are not cut out for the gay life and they live in denial and fear, they even get married to hide their attraction to same sex partners, some can live with it, others can't and step out on the sly behind their families back.  Some get the courage later in life to come clean and end up hurting others, mainly their wives and children.  My first serious relationship that I had was in the Navy.  Beside the guy that I was fooling around off and on through high school because in his mind he wasn't like me and couldn't love me and be with me in the open. However when I was in the navy, I met someone shortly after I graduated boot camp, he was in the same barracks and A school that I was in in Great Lakes.  His name was Karl Kevala, and I fell hard for him, we dated for quite a while when we were in the Chicago area. He took me home to Maryland and I met his family, including his sister who I stayed friends with for years.  He graduated from school before I did and was sent to his ship and we lost touch for a little while, but he stumbled back into my life a couple of years later and though at first he was with someone else, we eventually got back together, and because of this I applied to go to the same C school as him.  We dated the entire time he was there and we even went back to visit with his family.  But once again he was sent to the fleet, unfortunately when that happened my dad's mother died and I was devastated and before I knew it I was diagnosed with cancer and discharged.  Now the plan was that Karl and I were going to go to Italy together and be stationed with one another this never happened. We lost touch, and I believe it wasn't till February of 2007 that I was able to get in touch with him again.

I am a little fuzzy on the year but I remember that he called me back on February 14th, which was Valentine's day, only to tell me that he had gotten married two years before to a woman, that knew his past and accepted him.  He then asked me if I was sure I was gay, that he never really felt comfortable being identified as gay.  He did clarify and tell me that he did not regret the time we were together and that he cared for me, but his wife wouldn't understand if he stayed in contact with someone he was involved with in the past.  He asked me not to contact him anymore and for the most part I have respected those wishes and have left him alone.  To the point when I was letting everyone one know about my health condition and was preparing for the major surgeries that were so dangerous and there was a great chance that I wasn't going to make it, I didn't call him and let him know what was going on. I figured he had his life now and he didn't care if I was going to die, so I left him in peace. I am sure if something would have happened to me, my mother would have contacted him to let him know. Because he was a big part of my life, and my first true love.   When I got out of the Navy in 1992 I met a man named Michael and we were together till he died in 1996, he accepted me and gave me the moral support that I needed till my parents came around.  It didn't hurt that he was rich and owned one of the biggest gay bars in Orlando, and he loved me.


Fear is a powerful motivator, and it can paralyze you and keep you from acting.  But it can drive you to  be secretive, deceitful and lie to yourself and everyone around you. Coming out is never easy, but honestly it isn't as hard as you might think, and you can do it.  When you finally do you are going to be amazed at how scared you were for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  As I am fond of telling you time and distance heals all wounds, and perceived hurts.  I am not a big fan of the DL culture, I have met so many young black men that are fooling themselves, claiming to be straight and yet are what I call gay for pay. Trust me if you have an act of same sex sex, you are either bisexual or gay.  Time will help you decide, and you need to be absolutely honest with yourself and your partners.  Talk to them, tell them what you like and what you don't.  If you prefer not to label yourself till you know exactly what your feelings and emotions are telling you is absolutely acceptable, however it is important that you search inside of you and be honest about what attracts you, what you like and go from there.


No matter where you are at in the process remember everyone of us, your friends and peers has come through the same situation as you are going through. Find someone you are comfortable with and talk to them, listen to their experiences and what happened when they came out.  Surround yourself with people that you are comfortable with and build a support network, confide in them your fears and your thoughts, you will be surprised to find that many of the fears you have they have had in the past and have confronted them, and have won.  


It is important to confront your fears head on and do what you feel in your heart is right and feels good to you.  Remember no one can tell you if what you are doing, feeling or thinking is right or wrong, because every situation is as unique as the individuals involved.  But lean on your network and draw the strength you need to make the right move.  Nothing is ever really set in stone and if you like Karl change your mind years later so be it.  There is someone out there for everyone. A person that completes you and makes you whole. If you let fear keep you from exploring and finding that person you are going to miss so much, and probably end up making yourself feel very miserable in the process.  Coming out is a liberating process which can only serve to help you grow and mature, and feel more comfortable with yourself.


As always my hopes and dreams are with you,


Uncle B

If these walls could talk....what would they say?

Today's introspection revealed to me that I feel alone even when I am with other people.  This is something that made me want to think about it just a little more deeply. We have talked about hurt, masks, defense mechanisms, the mind, the body, and a whole host of other things. But we really haven't discussed walls.  Each of us builds up walls, protections to keep us from experiencing the pain associated with emotional hurts.  In an earlier posting we talked a good deal about pain, and how it is the tool from which we learn and grow from.  In that entry I talked about forgiveness, moving on, and how time can help heal these wounds.  However, there are times when the healing process takes too long, the pain is still too fresh with us, so we construct emotional barriers, these barriers hold people at bay.  In effect these walls tend to keep people at arms length, they cloak us in secrecy and hide us from exposing ourselves to situations which we perceive dangerous or hurtful.

Have you ever found yourself in a crowd of people that you know, they are all having a good time and you feel alone and forgotten?  This could be a sign that you have built up barriers around yourself, that others find daunting and formidable, they have tried to get close, but you haven't let them or even given them a chance.  You find it hard to open yourself up to others, you have a tendency to push people away when they start to get too close, and you refuse to open up about yourself and your past. You shy away from social interactions, you only like to participate in events when there are lots of other people being there.  Exposing yourself and taking the chance to open your heart up to others may seem like such a frightening thing to you, but there are ways through this.

Now, I am not saying that emotional hurt and scarring are the only things that cause us to build up walls and barriers.  There are other factors that can influence them as well, low self-esteem, low self-worth, mental abuse and ridicule, and so many more.  Walls are mental defenses, they cannot be seen, but they can be felt by those that care about you.  When you come to recognize them you will know that they are there and they are solid and impassible.  They hide your feelings, thoughts, and most importantly they hide the real you.  Dealing with issues of low self-worth, and self-esteem are probably the hardest, sometimes individuals seek counselling and other forms of outside help to find themselves. Introspection and honesty with yourself are the first steps toward understanding your need for these walls, and once you start to understand you can start to tear them down.

When I was growing up my mother and father kept telling me that I was useless, that I wasn't worth anything, that I had no talent, that I was going to amount to nothing and always be a nobody.  After hearing these things for years, I started to believe them.  Then I found myself in a relationship where someone cared about me, they showed me that I was beautiful on the inside, that I was attractive on the outside.  They encouraged my writing and drawing, even singing and dancing.  I was finally beginning to like myself, to realize that I had talents and that I could be important, and something happened.  My friend contracted HIV in the early 90's and in 1996 he passed away.  I was hurt, heart broken, I had friends that understood, they encouraged me and tried to help me through the hard times.  Even my parents seemed to understand.  But, in 1997 I met someone new, he helped me to leave my past, pulled me out of the loneliness that I was feeling. It was great at first, we moved to Atlanta and started a life, but after some time things in that relationship began to change.  He too started telling me that I was nothing, even though I had gotten my Masters degree and landed a good job.  He tore apart my self-esteem and my self-worth. It took me years to figure out why.  But, in the process of this I lost myself, my direction and before I knew what had happened twelve years had gone by.  I got sick myself, with cancer for the second time, I ended up losing most of my large intestines and had to have a colostomy bag.  I even lost my job, my life started to spiral downward, I got lost in depression and despair.  One day I looked in the mirror and really looked at the person that was staring back at me, and something amazing had happened, I noticed that I had lost weight, I looked almost like I did in high school, I was different.

It was on that day in June of 2008 that I realized that I wasn't ugly, that I was attractive, and I remembered that I had been someone important, that I had talents, and I had friends.  It took a long time for me to rebuild my self-esteem, to actually come to like the person I had become, but it took even longer to find my self-worth.  It wasn't till December of 2010 when my best friend from the 90's pulled me aside and actually confronted me and told me that he didn't know who I was anymore, that I had lost myself, lost my direction and that I was like a log just floating in the stream, going with the flow, no longer an individual. That I had become passive, and let people use me and take from me everything that I had built up. It wasn't until that very discussion that I realized that he was right.  That I had stopped living my life, that I was merely existing, going with the flow, and that I had isolated myself from everyone with my walls and depression.  It took me a long long time to fight my way back to the person I am today.

Walls are built when we refuse to let anyone close because we are afraid of getting hurt or let down, or because of how we have been treated in the past.  Tearing them down can cause us to go to the opposite extreme. We have a tendency to overcompensate and when we do we fall into another pattern of behavior. In my case I went from being entirely closed off to way to open. My father jokes with me that I have never met a stranger, within five minutes of meeting a new person they know my entire life history.  This of course isn't necessarily a bad thing, however, as some of you may know I am have a problem with my emotions and holding them in.  When I am hurt I laugh it off, when I am aggravated with someone I make pointed jokes or comments. Most of which are funny and the person never gets the hint that they have done something.  Now this is the core problem I have built up walls around my heart, I hold in my pain, frustration, anger and every other emotion behind my walls, and I have perfected my mask so well that most people never know until I explode that something is even building inside of me.

In most cases walls protect us, keep us from getting hurt, but in some cases like mine they are more detrimental because they keep us from ever truly getting close to another person.  Hell it took me a full relationship of three years, to realize that I was really attractive again and that I could have someone interested in me.  I really messed up that relationship because I didn't believe that he loved me, I couldn't open myself up to him like I should have, I kept my feelings and emotions bottled up inside, and I surrounded myself with a whole bunch of other people so that I didn't have to deal with the things that I was feeling.  The relationship ended very badly, though today we are friends and hang out with each other, and we talk about serious things.  I think that maybe one day we might even be able to pick up the pieces of our broken past and rebuild something.  But I still have more to uncover about myself before that can happen.

Avoidance is another wall that can cause issues.  Always looking the other way, avoiding conflict and confrontation, and when you do that you open yourself up to be taken advantage of.  People take your kindness for weakness and they try to use you for whatever they can get out of you.  If you don't stand up for yourself and stop the problem, you will soon find that no one else is going to either.  You have to look out for yourself or expect to be used and hurt.  Walls, can lead to isolation, loneliness, depression and despair.  Sometimes you just have to take a chance and open yourself up.  In other words, when you fall off the bike get back up and try again.  Don't let a silly thing like fear keep you from loving and being loved.  Tear down your walls, look deep within yourself and really understand what has hurt you, what are you protecting yourself from and work from there.  Don't push people away and lose your chance for love.

Remember it is never too late to start this process.  Look at me I am in my 40's and I am going through it.  It took a long time to truly understand my hurts, to get myself back into a position that I can stand on my own, I am not dependent on someone else to make decisions for my life.  I can do it all on my own.  I am not saying that I am anywhere near finished tearing down all the walls around my heart and mind, but I have come a long way.  It took me sitting down and writing and talking to everyone in my past, to tell them that I appreciated them and cared for them, that I have recognized the mistakes that I have made and that I saw the sacrifices they made for me.  In other words, I attempted reconciliation with each and every friendship, relationship and family member in my life.  I also searched deep within me to remember how I felt when I was in those hurt situations, and came to terms with them.  I forgave, but didn't forget about the incidents.  Now when I look in the mirror, I don't see the fat person staring back at me anymore. I see me!

If my walls could talk they would tell you that here you have a kind and sensitive man, who has a loving and huge heart that wants to help and love everyone, but he has been used and abused by so many people that he is scared and skeptical about opening himself up to anyone. Who isolates himself because he doesn't know how to tell people when he is hurting or angry, a person who wants to be everyone's friend and yet doesn't know how to move slowly.  He is a person who goes from one extreme to the other, not knowing how to vary how open he is to those around him.  A man who has a tendency to make himself from savior to victim, and helps those who victimize him do it.  I know this about myself and I am working daily to tear down the obstructive walls and replace them with constructive walls, to learn moderation and above all express to others how he is feeling at all times.  To show emotion, love, passion, and caring sensitivity to the ones he really loves and cares about.

So if your walls could talk what would they say about you?   Working through the issues of your life may be beyond your ability to deal with, if you find that you cannot work them out for yourself, I suggest you talk to a pastor, counselor or even a life coach.  Take back your life it is yours, and guess what you do deserve to be loved and be able to return that love.  You are worth something, you are important, you are unique, and you can never ever be replaced.

God loves you, I love you, your family loves you and there are so many others out there that want to love you, you just got to give them a chance.  It is time for you to make a change in your life.  Don't let yourself be defeated by your defenses, don't let you past dictate how you are going to live your future. Above all else make sure that you are totally honest with yourself, and express your feelings to others. One last piece of advice here.  No one has the power to make you feel anyway about yourself that you don't want to feel.  You are your own individual with your own style and personality.  If someone makes you feel guilty or makes you feel uncomfortable about how you dress, how you feel, anything at all, that person has too much power over you.  Take your power back.  You shouldn't care what other people think or feel, that is on them.  I am not saying listen to what they have to say, but remember it is only their opinion.  Which everyone has like assholes!  You must be you and be comfortable with who you are.  Live your life for you because no one else is going to live it for you.  Watch your own back because despite everything no one truly has your interest at heart but you, and only you know what that is.

Each new day is brand new, a clean slate, there are no mistakes in it.  You must wake up and be glad that you did, fight that depression and anxiety you feel.  Put on your PMA (positive mental attitude) and march to your own drum, express yourself in your dress, you hair and attitude.  Then go out and screw up your day anyway you can and have fun doing it, because guess what tomorrow is another new day and you can do something totally different and unexpected.  Walls are made to protect us, not keep us captive, which is what ends up happening. Tear them down find someone to love and build something new and positive together.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

2 fold reality..thought forms, and permanence

Yesterday, I spoke about beliefs and believing, and how I wanted to talk about reality.  I also told you that I was basing my understanding on Plato's Allegory of the Cave.  I am not sure how many of you have read it, but I want to give you a synopsis of it here, so that you might be able understand where I am coming from, and where I am heading in this discussion.

Before, I do that however, I want you to realize that this is for discussion purposes, and I do solicit and request your feedback and comments. This is a spiritual journey we are on, and I would love to have others opinions and questions, as well as comments on this.  Remember that nothing you say is going to be judged against you.  I would like this to be an exercise in learning and expanding our personal vision and understanding of what reality is, and how it interacts with us.

Plato wrote the Allegory of the Cave in his work called the Republic and the central characters in this allegory are Socrates, who by the time of this writing had already died, and Plato's cousin Glaucon. Steven Kreis wrote in his lecture on Modern European Intellectual History (2000).  " In the Allegory of the Cave, Plato described symbolically the predicament in which mankind finds itself and proposes a way of salvation. The Allegory presents, in brief form, most of Plato's major philosophical assumptions: his belief that the world revealed by our senses is not the real world but only a poor copy of it, and that the real world can only be apprehended intellectually; his idea that knowledge cannot be transferred from teacher to student, but rather that education consists in directing student's minds toward what is real and important and allowing them to apprehend it for themselves;".  

The Allegory of the cave presents a group of people that are living in a cave from birth. They are chained and forced to look at a blank wall, they have no way of moving or looking elsewhere.  The mouth of the cave opens up to the light, but between our chained assembly is a walk way that separates them from a huge and roaring fire.  It is across this walkway that others carry and drag things and objects across, which cause shadows to form on the wall in front of the assembly, as these objects were being carried across and their reflections being seen by the assembly.  Over time the assembly would come to recognize and describe these shadows and name them, when asked what the shadows were they could guess as to the object being displayed along the wall.  Sounds associated with the crossing would also help and cue the assembly in their identification.  Now, imagine if you will that one of the assembly was taken by force and dragged from the cave into the light.  Plato theorized that they would not be able to see at first because their eyes were not accustomed to the light, and would be terrified, though as the pain lessened and they would began to see things, and they would not recognize them, for they had only known the shadows on the wall, but as they were introduced to the items they would come to understand and see them for what they were, but would not believe it at first because they had only known the shadows. Remember that their reality was only that of shadows, so physical forms would be dismissed as fake.  Though with time and patience, they would soon grasp that the forms were one and the same, and would not if taken back into the dark forget and be able to play the game of shadows with his fellows that have never left the cave because his eyes have been opened to a different sight.  Plato also theorized that the ones that had never left the cave would not believe the one who had left saying his site was corrupted and that his version of the truth could not be correct.  Therefore, because their reality was challenged and the one that had left was no longer part of the collective they would seek to kill him, because he was wrong.  

Please keep in mind that this is my own interpretation from reading the Allegory, and if you would like to read it for yourself, I would ask that you do so.  For the version I have presented here is condensed and paraphrased by me, but it is enough for me to draw the points out that I would like to convey.  If you would like to read excerpts of either Steven Kreis's lecture or Plato's Allegory of the cave I invite you to check out this link http://www.historyguide.org/intellect/allegory.html.  

Now what I would like to do is break this down a little for you, because I find that those chained in the cave and learning in the darkness is humanity as a whole and we learn by what is revealed by our senses.  Though I also believe that it is true that nothing in this world hold permanence because just as with the images on the cave wall, and the items that were shown the escapee, they corrupt, rust, crumble, decay and fade away.  However, in the true spiritual world the idea, or concept remains, and therefore is the truth.  This might be hard for you to understand, but I will try and make it easy.  Philosopher's refer to what I am talking about is thought forms, I call them base objects.  These base objects are the ideas that we use to create things.  Therefore, the idea is what is permanent, not the actual object themselves.  From the idea more objects can be created and made.  Therefore as long as someone can remember the idea or base object that object can still exist.  An example of this is a chair, we all know what a chair is, we know that it is eventually going to rip, tear-up, get broken or disintegrate, unfortunately time has a way of doing that to all things including the human body.  However, a new chair can be created to replace the old chair.  Why can we create a new chair because we know of the concept or idea of the chair, it is the thought form or base object that is remembered and passed on.    

What I am trying to tell you is that there seems to be a 2 fold reality at work in our universe, there is the one that we can see, touch, taste and smell, but that is just a mere reflection of the true reality that is made of thoughts, ideas, energy.  As humans we rely on our senses to show us and guide us, it is how we learn, but there is more to the learning, and we have to leave the darkness of our cave and climb into the light. Though it maybe painful, and we have to wait for our eyes to adjust to the brightness and the pain, then we have to learn it all over again.  Because what we have known as reality and truth, is not entirely accurate.  This is the philosophers journey, but is also a spiritual journey toward enlightenment, and a closer understanding of the divine.  I believe that which we live and reside in is our physical reality, but there is a spiritual plane of existence that is super imposed upon this one.  It is here where the angels and God reside, it is where our prayers, meditations and desires are manifest.  I also believe that the universe has constant laws that are opposite between both realities.  If you go back and look at my blog entries on "Creative Visualization" you will see the law of attraction and how in the physical reality or plane of existence opposites attract, such as when you hold a negative and positive end of a magnet toward each other.  In the spiritual reality or plane of existence the inverse happens, like attracts like and negative attracts negative.  

I am hoping that you can see what I am trying to say.  If you were the person that was taken from the cave and shown all the things that you once saw and thought of as real were not, and come to realize that all that you have known was wrong, could you go back into the cave and see the same things, I don't think you could.  Because once you have seen what is real the reflections of them would no longer be relevant to you.  I believe it is the same with any revelation. Once your eyes are open to the truth you can no longer go back to seeing them the way you once did.  When you take your first steps on your journey your eyes may not understand what they are seeing, and you may even doubt, but as you keep going you are going to realize that what you once thought was reality, isn't.  No matter how much you want to go back and liberate those that you left behind on your journey.  They aren't going to see the same things as you, you are going to be different, and they won't accept or believe you until they start their own journey.

A friend of mine wrote to me on Facebook that he was glad to see that I am taking everything with a positive attitude.  My response was that it is hard to see the negative side of things anymore because so many wonderful things have been happening.  It is true, I don't look at things the same way I once did, because I don't see them the same exact way.  I don't see the negative, I only see the good things that have come from my journey.  I know this all sounds so confusing and hard to understand.  But as you progress and make your own journey you are going to see that your attitude as well as your vision changes.  Things that were once so bothersome, are now small and mundane, and are mere reflections of a much larger picture.

Even if you don't agree with me, I hope that you will take some time and research what I have been talking about.  Maybe you will come away with something different from the Allegory of the Cave then I did, and I hope that you will be willing to share it with me.

I hope you will come back tomorrow, because I want to focus a little bit on what Plato was talking about when he was speaking on education and learning. Because I believe that learning and education are an important part of understanding the journey that we are on in this life.  I also believe that as we learn and grow, we mature, and tend to comprehend more, and when that comprehension builds it drives us toward further enlightenment.  The more enlightened we become the more we understand.  

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Beliefs and Believing are they the same thing?

I was thinking about how I wanted to open up this discussion that I have been kicking around about Reality, but it dawned on me that as with all things reality is based on perception and beliefs.  So I decided that I needed to backtrack just a bit and discuss beliefs and believing, because most people think that they mean the same thing.  Most would be incorrect in that assumption though, because the human mind works in such a way that we can believe something differently then the belief in which is is founded. You might think that this is a play on words, but it is truly remarkable how the human mind has the ability to compartmentalize and evaluate different concepts and assign a value to them, which later become ingrained in our own belief system and structure.

See a belief is something that we have either learned or experienced, it is first hand knowledge of something that has happened or transpired.  Whereas, believing in something is an act of faith in some cases, and in others is just a reinforcement of a belief that has been experienced.  Taking religion as a basis for this discussion, I can show you the difference between a belief and believing in something.  There is however an inherent danger in beliefs and believing, because believing in something gives it strength and power.  It is also possible to manifest or create a believe and bring it into existence.  All of this I will try to demonstrate and explain.  It is upon this type of idea and abstraction that the current religion is based.  For the majority of people there are two primary and competing religions in the world.  Now, I said for the majority, I want to clarify that there are other religions out there and belief structures, and I am not trying to say one is better than the others, or any of them are right or wrong.  My personal beliefs are actually a culmination of several beliefs and structures, but that is for another time.  What I can say is that I was born into a Christian home, I was taught from the Bible and I have maintained that core in my own personal belief structure, though I have incorporated and utilize different portions of faiths and religions to build and customize my own way of thought and living.  I uses Buddist chanting and meditation techniques and I incorporate Wiccan ceremony and rituals into my own life.  I am not asking anyone to follow me in my pursuit because it is mine and mine alone.

Yet, I have come to realize that I can believe one thing and have a belief in another, and both can exist and be correct at the same time.  You might think that this is impossible but it is not.  I can also believe in something and have no discernible proof that it exists.  This bridging of fact and belief is called an intellectual synthesis.  Sir Thomas Aquinas created a synthesis that allowed science and religion to co-exist together.  He postulated that science was only furthering to prove the existence of the Divine and in such pursuits God Himself.  Because of this new found belief Reason was no longer thought to be the enemy of faith, but rather that reason would expand and explain faith.  It also brought about the renewed change in thought of the time that  philosophy was no longer the enemy of theology, but would also expand it and broaden it's reach. Though theology is often time a part of philosophy the depth and breadth of philosophy reaches far further.  For philosophy is reason personified and rational and irrational thought studied and followed to it's conclusion.

It is important for you to understand that you can have a belief while believing in something else entirely.  Just because you believe that God speaks to you through prayer, doesn't mean that you can't believe that he talks to someone else through meditation and divination.  It is elusive to describe in detail what I am trying to say because beliefs and believing in something are very personal and deeply ingrained in us, whether by, culture or denomination or even religious devotion. You might even liken a belief to a personal conviction.  By doing so you make it exclusively your's, and that conviction can be a part of a greater belief and it be right for you but only you.  However, by believing in something you are giving it energy and life. I am asking you to trust me that believing is different than having a belief but as I sit here trying to force my mind around it, I keep looping back.

I guess what I am trying to say is having a belief is personal where believing in something means you take part in it.  What comes to mind is that I believe there are ghost and spirits in this world that interact with us.  However, because I am a believing Christian, I am taught that there aren't.  The same aspect could be true.  I am a believing Christian, but there is no empirical evidence or proof that God or Heaven exists.  Where are the graves and markers of the Saints?  We are to believe without seeing which is called faith, but isn't faith another world for belief?  I think it is.  I also think that having a belief in something and believing in something are two separate things.  I also believe that this is made possible by the fact that our brain can think, rationalize, analyse and process information on several different levels that let us be able to accept incongruous things.

Therefore, it is possible for two people to have differing belief's yet believe in the same thing. Just look at church denominations.  The all believe in God, but they have different approaches and internal dogmas that make them separate.  Because I am a member of the Church it is said that I am a believer, but depending on my denomination my belief may differ from another believer and we both might be correct.  This little tidbit of knowledge is hard to grasp, and I have explained it as well as I can to help you understand what I have been trying to say.

Because what I am leading up to is that I believe that there are different types of realities that exist simultaneously and each are perceived and interpreted by the brain differently depending on you level of enlightenment.  This is just the first in a little series I want to explore on reality. I am basing what I am writing about on "Plato's Allegory of the Cave".  

 I hope that I have intrigued you enough, or maybe even confused you enough that you will want to come back and follow the next few blog entries that are going to deal with the spiritual journey and the path towards enlightenment. What tools we have at our disposal, and how the further we go on this journey different things will start to look, and how our understand of what we perceive as reality may in-fact be just a shadow of the real world hidden behind.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

So What? Who Cares? Get over it and move on!

It occurred to me yesterday that sometimes people hold a grudge, when an issue comes up they just cannot seem to let it go.  I am serious, why hold a grudge?  What does it accomplish?  It keeps you angry and focused on whatever you perceive is an injury, insult or problem. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that you cannot change the past, what is done, is done! No matter how you try or how much you wish you could change it, the fact still remains: it happened and it is over, nothing you say or do can change that fact.  No amount of rationalization, kidding yourself or even trying to convince others, of your point of view, the situation is going to remain the same.  If you run around looking for someone to blame, what are you accomplishing?  What you are actually doing is rubbing salt into an open wound, you are stirring up conflict and trouble and keeping the issue alive.

In simple wound care if you don't cleanse the wound and let it begin the healing process do you know what happens?  I will tell you, an infection, and what happens when you get an infection, the whole body becomes endangered of becoming ill and possibly dying. The same is true with all other types of wounds.  If you don't let them be, and you keep picking at them, they are going to get infected.  When that happens the whole body becomes ill and in danger of weakening.  A grudge, or perceived wrong, hurt of injury is also a type of wound.  This is a wound to the spirit, and if you don't let it be, if you keep it alive, talking about it, moping, whining or even holding a grudge doesn't let the injury heal.  Infection is inevitable and will surely invade every aspect of your life.  Anger and hatred is the infection I am talking about in this case.  Every relationship and aspect of your life will be colored and affected by this hatred and anger.

As I said earlier, there is no amount of talking or wheedling that is going to change the past, once something happens, it is done and cannot be undone.  What I would like you to try and remember is that everybody makes mistakes, there is none of us perfect, and if we are expecting perfection we are going to be disappointed time after time and are not going to have any type of satisfying relationship.  You cannot change the past, but you can and should learn from your mistakes.  In my experience the only way we can truly learn and make changes in our life is to make mistakes and feel pain.  Now I know life isn't fair and no one ever promised you a bed of roses.  But what I do know is that we have many opportunities to turn things around.  To make amends for the wrongs that we have done, and a lovely thing called karma evens the playing field for everyone.  Have you ever hear the saying "What comes around, goes around"?  Well that is karma in a nutshell, I find it best that if you live by the motto "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" it helps eliminate the pain and retribution of karma.

One thing you might not understand is that anger is an emotion that is more detrimental to you than any other.  Anger can keep you locked into a rut and a pattern of behavior that is self-defeating. But if you keep in mind that each of us is only human, and that we all make mistakes, and learn to forgive the endless cycle can be broken.  In my Facebook post I stated that to "err is human, to forgive divine and we all could stand to be a little more divine."  I meant that, a grudge or anger at someone that has hurt you accomplishes nothing, if you forgive them and move on you are helping yourself and you are grounding out the negative emotion of anger and hatred and moving forward.  Now, when talking about forgiving someone means just that, you let go of the hurt and you move forward, I am not saying forget, my advice here is to never forget, but to move on, trust is a commodity that can and must be earned.

I know when you are hurt and betrayed by someone that the trust you once had with that person is shredded and torn.  If you always keep in mind what they had done in the past and be wary of it, you can ensure that it doesn't happen again.  I honestly don't expect you to blindly trust that person again, and I would encourage you to make them work to earn your trust again.  I promise you it is not going to be easy at all and depending upon the hurt you have sustained may take a lot of time till you are ready to do this.  But the old adage "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is telling you exactly how to handle this type of hurt.  I honestly know how hard it is to do what I am telling you to do.  I have been there and in this type of situation many times.  However, I am the type of person who gets mad for about 15 minutes of time, and when I have something to say I say it and get it out.  Once it is out I am fine and I return to business as normal like nothing ever happened.  Many people don't understand this, they cannot understand how or why I can do this.  But no matter what happens I cannot stay angry for any length of time, and I have a very unique way of always looking for the good in every person and forgiving the bad, because I honestly believe that all people are basically good and they only do what they have too to survive.  If I get hurt it is only because I was in the way of their plans or a hindrance of some kind.

No matter how much you care, or want to help others, you cannot help everyone, and you have to be careful because there are those out there that are going to use your kindness as a weakness and use it against you.  There are those out there who are going to use you and get all they can out of you all the while proclaiming they are your friends.  This is what I call a frienemy, they can be anyone, and they are around you always.  You can find out more about them in my blog entry about frienemies...

So, here is the bottom line of what I am trying to tell you. Live your life for yourself. Make sure you do for you.  Because you are the only one in most occasions that has your own best interests at heart. You may be lucky and find some one you can be with that shares common goals and dreams with you. Someone that is going to watch your back and protect you.  However, in all honesty that is very rare, and super hard to find.  If you do find someone like that I suggest you do whatever it takes to keep them in your life.  Life is short, we all make mistakes, we are all prey to human nature and we will all follow what we know.  Live each day like it is your last one. Take each moment and wring the most out of it, because we are not guaranteed another day.  Celebrate living and life, and thank God each morning that you are alive to face another day.  Keep in mind that each day is a new day, a clean slate if you will, there are no mistakes in it. So go out and screw it up and have some fun doing. Don't dwell on the past, learn from it and move on.  When things get tough, turn that frown upside down and find something in it that is funny.  Joke about the heavy things and make them lite, and be awed by the beauty and wonder that surrounds you.  But most of all shrug off everything and keep on saying, "SO WHAT, WHO CARES? GET OVER IT!" Trust me when you can do that you will have a fruitful and happy existence, and the little things won't matter so much, and you will find that the large things start to take care of themselves, and all it takes is just a little attitude adjustment and the ability to smile.  Because if you don't let things get to you, you won't be weighed down with them.

So please take my advice, it is freely given, and something so very easy to accomplish.  Life is way to short to carry around grudges, resentments and hatred.  There is so much out there to love and behold and do.  So if you live every moment like it is your last one, and you practice my motto, you will see that nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things, because. SHIT JUST HAPPENS, and I honestly believe that Whatever is supposed to be will always find a way to happen.  It is all up to us and how we look at it.  Remember, we are not judge by how we fall or fail, but by how we handle that setback and defeat with grace, talent and ingenuity.  Trust me the world will be a much better place and easier to live in if you can just remember my simple little phrase, So what, who cares? Get over it and move on.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B

Some Advice, Freely Given...

Yesterday was an eventful day for me, and one that I would like to share with you in a small way.  I have a bit of advice that I would like to share with you all, maybe some will heed it, others will ignore it, but all in all I think that it is important for me to say something.

I bought a scooter yesterday, it was a 2008 model and had 3,408 miles on it.  I had just paid for the thing and was taking it out for a test run to see how well it worked.  Now, keep in mind that I had asked my dad to go with me, he being an experienced motorcycle rider and I being somewhat new to it.  However, because he was against me buying it in the first place he wouldn't go.  Now, I unfortunately, I have a bad habit of only asking a question 3 times and then I give it up.  I really would have liked my dad to come with me, he could have given the scooter a good look over and helped me get it home from where I bought it.  But since he wouldn't go so I went on my own, the man was very nice and started it up for me, told me what things he had fixed on it and everything.  But I have always been told that you need to drive something when you get it to make sure that it actually works.

Problem is this, since I was a novice it was stupid of me to try.  Second, I wasn't wearing the proper footwear or clothing. So when the unexpected happened I was in no way prepared for it.  As I pulled out of the parking lot, my thought was to just go a quick round the block and back. Then go get my dad and get the thing home.  But here is the thing.  I was going along just fine, turned on the side street off the main road and went down to the place where I could make a left turn so I could head back the way I came.  I was coming from a complete stop turning right and as I started to go I felt a jolt from the back, not being experienced I only grabbed the front brakes and the next thing I know I was laying in a ditch with the scooter on top of my leg.  Now apparently, I had hit the road with my head and shoulder as the bike went sliding across the road dragging me with it.  I found my self in the ditch with major amounts of blood all over me. I didn't think I was seriously injured, was waving my hands flagging down an approaching car. I needed help to get the scooter upright and on it's kick stand because I couldn't get it moving on my own.  I noticed that the fiberglass body and shell were broken keeping it from moving.  Anyhow, a young man on a bike came up while the car and it's passengers were trying to help me.  Within 5 minutes there were a lot of people milling around watching what was going on.  When the cops got there they asked me what had happened, so I told them what I knew which apparently wasn't much.  No one on the scene actually saw what happened and my recollection of the facts seems to have some missing pieces.

It wasn't until the paramedics got me on a backboard and stretcher to take me to the emergency room that I started feeling any pain, disorientation or confusion.  I guess that the adrenalin spike in my blood had kept me from noticing anything.  When the officer's asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital I said no, but again I didn't know how badly I was hurt. It was hot and I wasn't actually thinking I was pretty badly shaken up and I guess upset at myself because I just bought the damn thing and here it was ruined and probably wrecked beyond repair, though I don't know that for sure, and probably won't have any idea till tomorrow seeing as today is a holiday.  As I have said I didn't know how badly I was hurt till I got in the ambulance, and was being whisked away to the hospital.  My pulse was 130 and climbing and my blood pressure was on the high side.  They kept asking if I was on drugs or if I had been drinking etc, but I wasn't thank God.  Now, I am the type of person that takes tragedies and makes light of them.  I joke about the things that are serious to me and could cause emotional pain.  So while I was laughing and joking with the paramedics I heard them talking about the call in report to 911 by a woman in the neighborhood that I was leaving.

Come to find out, the jolt that I felt from the rear was a young girl driving some sort of white car, she approached the stop sign where I was sitting and apparently didn't even try to brake as I was starting to take off.  This would be why as I was turning right me and my scooter were facing the left direction in the ditch, she clipped me so hard it spun me around and tossed me across the road and into the ditch on the opposite side of the road facing the wrong way.  Now had I known any of this I would have told the officers on the scene, but I didn't and none of them came to the hospital to talk with me.  They didn't even get a copy of my license or anything.  So at this point I have a wrecked scooter, I am strapped to a backboard with a neck brace on.  You can imagine how uncomfortable that was, now lets not forget that I have 55 staples down my abdomen from recent surgery on June 18th.  Well all said and done I have 6 mores staples added to my scalp, and had 2 lacerations on my face that were sealed up using dermabond.  My knee and shoulder and part of my back are pretty scraped up and my ankle and foot look like hamburger. Please try to remember that I was up and walking around on the scene of the accident had the guy on the bike help me get the scooter standing upright, and had been helped out of the ditch and was walking to the side of the road when the officers and paramedics arrived.  What you haven't found out is that because of the adrenalin in my system I had no idea of how badly I was hurt like I kept telling you.  When the doctor finally came in and examined me he touched my left ankle, just barely and the pain flared so intense I thought I was going to pass out and the room started spinning. Yep that is right my ankle is also broken.

So what is the morale of the story? What is the advice I want to give?  Well here it is.  If you are a novice or new to something don't do try it on your own, make sure that someone is with you and if you get into trouble can help you.  Second, put in your wallet an emergency contact phone number, reason for this is I was at the hospital for 6 hours and my cell phone was back in my truck at the scooter place and I had no idea what anyone's number was.  I didn't know how to get in touch with my dad or mom or anyone else.  Thank goodness that my father has also been a patient at the hospital and they were able to look up his account information and call him for me. Otherwise, I would still be sitting there waiting for someone to come and get me, because the hospital wasn't going to let me go out on my own.  More advice too you, if you are trying something new make sure that you are dressed appropriately and wearing the proper shoes.  I should never have gotten on the scooter wearing flip flops and had I been wearing proper clothing and shoes the extent of my injuries would have been a lot less.  Another thing, if riding a motorcycle or scooter and you are like me a novice at it, take the precaution of wearing a helmet. Had I been wearing a helmet yesterday I wouldn't have hit my head so hard that I had to have the staples on my scalp, and wouldn't have the lacerations where my sun glasses arm broke off and cut my eyebrow from one end to the other, and the abrasions and contusions on my face wouldn't have happened either.

There is no harm in taking the right precautions and doing things the right way, and if you don't know what you are doing take the time to stop and ask someone.  Don't end up like now owning a piece of busted up junk and having to deal with the pain of a broken ankle and then trying to figure out if I am going to try and keep the scooter and have it repaired or take the loss and right off the money I paid for it because they are never going to find the girl that hit me and since I didn't have any motorcycle insurance because I just purchased the vehicle it is my total loss and responsibility.  However, circumstances would be different if the other party comes forward and admits what happened, then I could get a claim against their insurance.

Heed my words, take things slowly and if you aren't sure about something don't do it, and if someone is being stubborn and obtuse because they don't necessarily like your decision let them know the extent of your discontent with them.  Which is what I should have done with my father.  I am an adult and I needed his help and expertise but he wanted to act like a child and punish me and here I am hurt and angry and out quite a bit of money.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Techniques and Practices that will help you successfully ground yourself

In yesterday's blog entry I spoke to you about the concept of grounding and how it can benefit you.  Now, what I would like to do is explain just a few simple techniques you can use to achieve grounding. Believe me when I tell you there are many ways and techniques out there that a person can use to achieve grounding.  My goal is to narrow down that list, by giving you a foundation upon which you can build on.  Feel free to customize and adapt either of the techniques I am about to talk to you about and make them your own. Find the easiest most comfortable way to achieve this and it will become second nature and automatic. Like I said be creative, have fun with it and make it your own..  All I ask is hat you push your fear and skepticism aside and just try it, you will be glad you did and will feel the benefits right away.There is nothing to lose, it can't hurt, and you have so much to gain, just have to do it.  As with all things that are new to us we have natural doubts, we are skeptical and may have second thoughts or misgivings about grounding.  But, if you go into it with an open mind and a receptive heart you cannot go wrong.

Getting rid of negativity in your life, freeing yourself from the rut that you have been stuck in, ending the cycle of depression and fear that has been keeping you prisoner; are just some of the things you can expect to gain.  Others, will include more energy, a feeling of inner peace and you will have a sharper focus.  Things around you will start to change, the new positive outlook, will start to draw more people and things to you and around you. Opportunities will begin to open up for you and your whole life will become enriched.  Keep in mind that positive attracts positive, inner calm brings inner peace and with our stress reduced, our body can rest easier and will benefit from more efficient healing and recuperation, which in turn lets us sleep more peacefully, allowing us to feel renewed, refreshed, relaxed and energized. Trust me when I say it is a win-win situation, you have absolutely nothing to lose, except maybe depression, anxiety, stress and the familiarity of despair.

Now, I have your interest right?  I think I might! So how do you get to this point? It really isn't as difficult as you might think, keep in mind that there are many ways to do this and it is your job to seek out which one is easiest and right for you, then make it your own.  There are an unlimited possibilities, techniques, methods, techniques, and philosophies on this out there, feel free to mix and match, add, subtract, personalize it anyway you see fit.  A few examples are Gardening, Baking, Reading, spending time with nature. As I said there are unlimited possibilities you just got to figure out which one fits you and then you just incorporate some basic techniques and then you are all set.  Doing something outside of your comfort zone will give you the most outstanding results.  Now we are going to delve into the basics and give you a thorough understanding of them so that you can incorporate them in your daily life.

The basic of grounding are pretty simple and easy to follow:

• Set aside a dedicated time of day. It works better if you use the same time as much as possible.  Though there will be times when you can't do it at the same time or you may find you need to have more than one time set aside per day.  Personally I have my time set for the morning so the tone of my day is set.  Then when I need to I throw in an evening time when appropriate. (15 to 30 minutes is all the time you need)
• Make sure that you have selected a private place and you will not be interrupted.  Turn off your phone and isolate yourself all outside influences and distractions. 
• Clear your mind and relax.
• Feel the energy flow from above you and through you.
• Let it pass through you into the ground.

With all this being said lets get to it.  These are my simple techniques that I use.  Sometimes I add music and other things when I am trying to relax and ground, as I told you earlier the possibilities are unlimited and there is no wrong way or right way, it is just your preferences and what you feel comfortable with.  My favorite and probably first choice is a natural approach and incorporates nature in all the beauty and wonder that exists there.  If you live in a city it maybe a little hard for you to find the perfect spot.  But, the neat bonus is that you can try all sorts of different spots, and change them as frequently as you want.

In our overview on grounding, I explained that grounding is a natural phenomenon therefore somehow it seems fitting that the first technique takes place and incorporates nature in its usage. I have set aside a time for each day to explore nature.Personally I choose to do my grounding in the morning. My reasoning is this I am not a morning person, it takes me a bit to wake up and get my day going. Therefore, when I ground and commune with nature I set the tone for my entire day.  When I step out of the house I am positively energized, I am eager to face the day with renewed joy and vigor.  

But how do I achieve all of this? Simple I select my personal block of time, as stated earlier about 15 to 30 minutes each morning., where I isolate myself from the outside world.  This means that I turn off the cell phone, television and ensure that I avoid any distractions and interruptions.  I step out into nature and observe it in all of its beauty and majesty.  I actually don't have to physically go anywhere I personally like to sit in my backyard, or go to the beach or even the public park.   Next, I feel the sun warming and this helps me quiet and still my mind.  I also like to touch the plants, smell the flowers, talk to the animals that are in the vicinity. As I am doing this I let my mind grow quiet pushing out all thoughts and distractions and I feel the energy of the sun flowing all over me and through me.  As the energy courses through my body from the heavens toward the ground, I actually feel the negativity and stress of the world and the previous day drain slowly out of my body. The positive energy flows from the sky through the top of my head and then through my body and leaving it through my feet and my hands that touch the plants and other things.  All the while I rejoice and give thanks for another day as my body fills with the energy of the sun.

The second method is just a little variation on the first instead of walking around and touching things to ground, I find a tree to rest on, I place my back and head against the trunk as I lean back.  I can feel the energy of the sun flowing down from the sky into the trees leaves and flows through the trunk heading to the roots for grounding but because I am leaning against the tree, I am actually part of the trees circuit the energy that flows down frAom the sun, enters my body through the trunk into my head and flows through my body, and exit through my back and drawn down into the ground by the trees roots. As the energy is drawn through me and suffuses me in every way and as long as my mind is free from all outside thoughts, influence and then isolating me from the clutter and activity of the world for just 15 to 30 minutes each morning I feel refreshed and energized to face the day.  Now, if for some reason I cannot get out into nature, I do the next best thing, I sequester myself away in my room.  Again turning off  all distractions and shutting my door so I am not disturbed.  I then go through the steps again, visualizing the energy from the sun flowing down through my roof through the top of my head and travelling through my body seeking to reach ground.  Remember there are so many ways to customize this that whatever you choose to do will work as long as you keep to the basics. As you can see the only difference between the above techniques is the venue where the grounding actually takes place.

In just a few moments after starting the grounding process I feel the tensions, stress, emotions and all the negativity from the day before to melt and begin to be washed away. It is just that simple, and I can start my day and know that I am going to have a positive one.  The one thing that I do is to give thanks for being granted another day, say thank you to the tree or nature that has been so kind as to assist me in my grounding efforts and then I take a few minutes to think of some key words to help me through the coming day and help me maintain my positive focus.  These are words that I hope to demonstrate, exhibit, impart to those with whom I may come in contact with or might interact with throughout my day.  These are words like: Love, Compassion, Understanding,, Caring, Wisdom, Kindness, humility, gratitude etc.  I keep these words in the front of my mind throughout the day and to help me maintain focus.

Well you made it this far by reading this post, please don't give up just yet bear with me just a little bit longer as I summarize what I have been trying to get across to you and the key points I hope you will remember.  By now I have defined what grounding is; given you the benefits of; then through in my concept of key words to help us manage and cope with the day.  All you need to walk away with is this: Ground yourself daily, be open and receptive, make it your own, experiment with it, have fun with it, and customize it anyway you want so that you are totally comfortable with the process. But above everything else I want you to try it!

The techniques I talked about were Nature Grounding (or using nature and natural surroundings and settings).  The other is when you couldn't get out in nature then you use what I call Visual Grounding (grounding utilizing visualization) and is done in your private place where you won't be interrupted.  Remember the basics, use key words and you will be amazed at how your day turns around and how things begin to open up for you. You will also notice the immediate benefits of renewed spirit, health all the while of experiencing a positive focus and will be amazed at how relaxed and refreshed you feel.

Please join me for the next entry as I will be going through mediation and how it can and will benefit you.  As always your feedback and comments are appreciated and solicited.  Feel free to ask any questions and remember that I am here for you.  Write to me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or bryanzepp@gmail.com.  If you have enjoyed what you have read please follow my blog, join up and become a follower.  I am trying to build up my audience and I want you to be a part of my community.

All my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B

Today is Mother's Day do something special for all the special women in your life that have sacrificed and provided for you.  Make sure you tell them thank you and acknowledge what they have done for you.

All my love,

B

Reflections on Happiness

I have been thinking a great deal about happiness lately.  We are raised in our society to go out and pursue happiness.  We set expectations and goals thinking that these are going to bring us happiness.  Some people struggle to find happiness in their work, others in their possessions, some in their children, home, car, etc.

What I have realized after this last meeting with my own mortality is that happiness is not some external force or item.  It isn't attained by reaching a goal or landing that fabulous job we have always wanted.  Happiness is a state of being.

Happiness comes from with in ourselves, it is the joy of helping others, it is becoming comfortable with who you are.  But lets go a little further.  Happiness is the key ingredient needed to become truly prosperous.  Now by prosperity, I am not talking just financial wealth, I am talking about a truly happy and prosperous person.

Happiness comes from an inner harmony of your mind and your heart. Happiness is becoming self aware, content and happy with where you are at in your life.  Happiness is understanding that everyday is a blessing and we need to be thankful for the things that we have in our lives and what we have achieved to that point.

Now Prosperity builds on this: you see a truly prosperous person has become content and accepting of who and what they have at every given moment of their life.  It doesn't mean that they don't have any goals or aspirations, it means that they have accepted themselves for who they are, they acknowledge their limitations and shortcomings, regroup and stay focused on their next endeavor.  Being happy is a state of consciousness that allows positive energy to flow around you and through you.  It enables you to draw more positive energy into your life.  Prosperity utilizes that energy and allows you to be open and receptive to your blessings.

Now that I have brought up the subject of positive energy, I would like to explain it to you in as simple a way as I can. Spiritual energy or energy of the soul or ethereal energy is an energy force that is around us all throughout nature.  Now this energy field (which auras and the current that flows through our human body) acts and reacts differently than the electrical energy or current of the physical or real universe ie: our conscious reality of daily life.  You have to understand that in our physical world that is governed by science and the natural laws of physics opposite energies attract one another.  An example of this can be conducted by a simple experiment using two magnets.  If you remember from physics class each magnet has two poles a positive and a negative pole.  Now, if you place the two magnets with poles facing each other the positive pole to positive pole the magnet is pushed away from each other..The opposite is also true that the negative sides will also repel each other.  The magnets when put in close proximity with the opposite poles facing each other will be pulled together.  This is commonly referred to as the law of attraction.

Using that knowledge as a basis, you will begin to understand that spiritual energy or ethereal energy operates in a totally opposite fashion.  Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative.  The more positive energy we send out into the world the more positive we receive back.  So you may be asking yourself at this point what has all of this to do with being happy.  This is the basis of becoming aware of yourself and the energy around you.  You will be more receptive through prayer, meditation, or positive visualization, these harmonize the mind, body and soul, into a higher state of consciousness and open us up for our desires to be manifested from our mind into the spiritual world, which in turn manifests them in the physical world.  So yes, you can make yourself well, you can achieve anything that you truly set your mind upon.

However, happiness is a man made vice that if you go off to seek it you will never find it. You must reach within yourself and see what you have accomplished, who you have helped and touched and be comfortable with where you are at each stage your life.  You must know that the road is long and when you hit a road bump or a fork in the road, that it is just that it is a thing to overcome or a place to make a choice, but if you are content and comfortable with yourself you will have happiness throughout your journey.  You don't know the future or what it holds, but you do know where you were, where you have come from and you know how you have grown, rejoice and enjoy see the happiness and seize it.  Because the next phase is going to be so much easier once you have done it.

Have you ever come to a place where all the doors are closed?  Have you stopped and wondered why?  Think about this...maybe all the doors are closed so when you open one it will lead you to the right road you need to be upon.

Thanks for reading this and staying with me this far...let me know what you think....I will write some more of my reflections hopefully they will be able to uplift and help someone.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B