Thursday, July 12, 2012

So What? Who Cares? Get over it and move on!

It occurred to me yesterday that sometimes people hold a grudge, when an issue comes up they just cannot seem to let it go.  I am serious, why hold a grudge?  What does it accomplish?  It keeps you angry and focused on whatever you perceive is an injury, insult or problem. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that you cannot change the past, what is done, is done! No matter how you try or how much you wish you could change it, the fact still remains: it happened and it is over, nothing you say or do can change that fact.  No amount of rationalization, kidding yourself or even trying to convince others, of your point of view, the situation is going to remain the same.  If you run around looking for someone to blame, what are you accomplishing?  What you are actually doing is rubbing salt into an open wound, you are stirring up conflict and trouble and keeping the issue alive.

In simple wound care if you don't cleanse the wound and let it begin the healing process do you know what happens?  I will tell you, an infection, and what happens when you get an infection, the whole body becomes endangered of becoming ill and possibly dying. The same is true with all other types of wounds.  If you don't let them be, and you keep picking at them, they are going to get infected.  When that happens the whole body becomes ill and in danger of weakening.  A grudge, or perceived wrong, hurt of injury is also a type of wound.  This is a wound to the spirit, and if you don't let it be, if you keep it alive, talking about it, moping, whining or even holding a grudge doesn't let the injury heal.  Infection is inevitable and will surely invade every aspect of your life.  Anger and hatred is the infection I am talking about in this case.  Every relationship and aspect of your life will be colored and affected by this hatred and anger.

As I said earlier, there is no amount of talking or wheedling that is going to change the past, once something happens, it is done and cannot be undone.  What I would like you to try and remember is that everybody makes mistakes, there is none of us perfect, and if we are expecting perfection we are going to be disappointed time after time and are not going to have any type of satisfying relationship.  You cannot change the past, but you can and should learn from your mistakes.  In my experience the only way we can truly learn and make changes in our life is to make mistakes and feel pain.  Now I know life isn't fair and no one ever promised you a bed of roses.  But what I do know is that we have many opportunities to turn things around.  To make amends for the wrongs that we have done, and a lovely thing called karma evens the playing field for everyone.  Have you ever hear the saying "What comes around, goes around"?  Well that is karma in a nutshell, I find it best that if you live by the motto "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" it helps eliminate the pain and retribution of karma.

One thing you might not understand is that anger is an emotion that is more detrimental to you than any other.  Anger can keep you locked into a rut and a pattern of behavior that is self-defeating. But if you keep in mind that each of us is only human, and that we all make mistakes, and learn to forgive the endless cycle can be broken.  In my Facebook post I stated that to "err is human, to forgive divine and we all could stand to be a little more divine."  I meant that, a grudge or anger at someone that has hurt you accomplishes nothing, if you forgive them and move on you are helping yourself and you are grounding out the negative emotion of anger and hatred and moving forward.  Now, when talking about forgiving someone means just that, you let go of the hurt and you move forward, I am not saying forget, my advice here is to never forget, but to move on, trust is a commodity that can and must be earned.

I know when you are hurt and betrayed by someone that the trust you once had with that person is shredded and torn.  If you always keep in mind what they had done in the past and be wary of it, you can ensure that it doesn't happen again.  I honestly don't expect you to blindly trust that person again, and I would encourage you to make them work to earn your trust again.  I promise you it is not going to be easy at all and depending upon the hurt you have sustained may take a lot of time till you are ready to do this.  But the old adage "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is telling you exactly how to handle this type of hurt.  I honestly know how hard it is to do what I am telling you to do.  I have been there and in this type of situation many times.  However, I am the type of person who gets mad for about 15 minutes of time, and when I have something to say I say it and get it out.  Once it is out I am fine and I return to business as normal like nothing ever happened.  Many people don't understand this, they cannot understand how or why I can do this.  But no matter what happens I cannot stay angry for any length of time, and I have a very unique way of always looking for the good in every person and forgiving the bad, because I honestly believe that all people are basically good and they only do what they have too to survive.  If I get hurt it is only because I was in the way of their plans or a hindrance of some kind.

No matter how much you care, or want to help others, you cannot help everyone, and you have to be careful because there are those out there that are going to use your kindness as a weakness and use it against you.  There are those out there who are going to use you and get all they can out of you all the while proclaiming they are your friends.  This is what I call a frienemy, they can be anyone, and they are around you always.  You can find out more about them in my blog entry about frienemies...

So, here is the bottom line of what I am trying to tell you. Live your life for yourself. Make sure you do for you.  Because you are the only one in most occasions that has your own best interests at heart. You may be lucky and find some one you can be with that shares common goals and dreams with you. Someone that is going to watch your back and protect you.  However, in all honesty that is very rare, and super hard to find.  If you do find someone like that I suggest you do whatever it takes to keep them in your life.  Life is short, we all make mistakes, we are all prey to human nature and we will all follow what we know.  Live each day like it is your last one. Take each moment and wring the most out of it, because we are not guaranteed another day.  Celebrate living and life, and thank God each morning that you are alive to face another day.  Keep in mind that each day is a new day, a clean slate if you will, there are no mistakes in it. So go out and screw it up and have some fun doing. Don't dwell on the past, learn from it and move on.  When things get tough, turn that frown upside down and find something in it that is funny.  Joke about the heavy things and make them lite, and be awed by the beauty and wonder that surrounds you.  But most of all shrug off everything and keep on saying, "SO WHAT, WHO CARES? GET OVER IT!" Trust me when you can do that you will have a fruitful and happy existence, and the little things won't matter so much, and you will find that the large things start to take care of themselves, and all it takes is just a little attitude adjustment and the ability to smile.  Because if you don't let things get to you, you won't be weighed down with them.

So please take my advice, it is freely given, and something so very easy to accomplish.  Life is way to short to carry around grudges, resentments and hatred.  There is so much out there to love and behold and do.  So if you live every moment like it is your last one, and you practice my motto, you will see that nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things, because. SHIT JUST HAPPENS, and I honestly believe that Whatever is supposed to be will always find a way to happen.  It is all up to us and how we look at it.  Remember, we are not judge by how we fall or fail, but by how we handle that setback and defeat with grace, talent and ingenuity.  Trust me the world will be a much better place and easier to live in if you can just remember my simple little phrase, So what, who cares? Get over it and move on.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B