Monday, July 30, 2012

Hate, Anger and Regret will consume you.

I was thinking about anger, hate and regrets the other day and how those three things are the formula for revenge.  Revenge is all about getting back at someone for hurting you, or having done something to you. The pitfalls of revenge can be found in literary classics like "Moby Dick" and other such important works.  The end results are usually the same, a person becomes embroiled and totally consumed by the intense drive and need to execute their revenge.  Revenge is pointless, you cannot change the past, and in most cases more hurt is inflicted upon yourself then the person you target.  In my blog entry entitled "So What, Who Cares, Get Over it and Move on" I talk about grudges, and revenge is a grudge that has grown out of control and has become an obsession.

It is impossible for anyone to tell you how to change your course, all we can do is try to warn you of the danger you are in. When you blame someone else for something that has happened to you and you forget that it took two of you to be involved in the situation, and that both of you are to blame for what happened. How can you ever get past it?  The important thing is to accept responsibility for your role in the situation, come to terms with the fact that both of you made terrible choices, and the end result is that you got hurt.  Plot, planning, devising ways to embarrass, punish and victimize the person that hurt you makes you know better than that person.  Possibly it makes you worse, because you have taken the time to plan it out, worked hard to execute the plan, and probably tried to get others to side with you against the other person in the process.

I warn you that if you take this path you are going to have to deal with, and live with the consequences of your choices and your actions.  Remember that karma is a harsh mistress and she gives back what you dish out, and when she does it is 10 times worse than what you gave to the other person.  When you become obsessed with hurting another person and become so intent on exacting your revenge, you are going to destroy your credibility with others, you are going to put all of your friendships and relationships in jeopardy.  In the end you are going to end up alone and full of despair.  After all is said and done and your revenge has taken place there is going to be nothing left inside of you, you have used up all your hatred and anger and an empty hole remains where there once was pain.  Pain is good like I have said before, it lets you know you are alive, and it teaches us how to react in situations and protects us from making the same or similar choices over again.

If you feel nothing but emptiness, what do you think is going to fill the void?  Do you think it is going to be love? Understanding?  No, it is going to be an all consuming and overwhelming sense of despair, guilt and depression.  Then when you look back at all the energy and time that you have wasted, and trust me you are going to see that it was a total waste.  You are going to see that it was fruitless, and the joy that you thought you were going to feel watching the other person pay and squirm is going to feel so unrewarding, and by then it is too late.  Nothing you can do will take back the actions you have taken.  Once you are on that path, how could you possibly feel anything whatsoever?

In most cases the hurt that you experienced at another's hands was probably accidental, not even planned.  Even if the pain was because they were talking about you behind your back and lying to everyone around you, accusing you of things you hadn't done.  You really need to look at your past actions and see if what they are reacting to, isn't somehow a direct result of something you might have done or said, and what they were doing was to get back at you.  See revenge is a nasty two edge sword, and no matter if you started it or reacted to it, it still wounds both you and the person it was intended for.  What if once you have searched within yourself and it wasn't brought about by something you have done, take into consideration who it was that was talking about you, maybe you will find that they are jealous of you, or envy you for some reason, or maybe they are just a bitter lonely person who can't stand to see you happy because they aren't.

Understand that I am not saying what they did wasn't wrong, and that your feelings of hurt and betrayal aren't justified, but take it in stride and with a grain of salt.  Remember, who said it or did it and if you can't figure out why they did it, I suggest you confront them privately and try to find out. More than likely they are going to deny that they did it, and if that happens you have to determine if they are actually telling the truth and if you can really trust the source from which your information came from.  Because often times we get caught up in the "He Said, She Said" bull crap, and eventually find out that we have been played from the start.  It is always best to go to the source and confront them and figure out what actually happened or was said.  You may find out that they are innocent, or you may find out that they did do it, and what got back to you was taken out of context and made to hurt you, and when you find out what was really said or done, you could find out that it was all a big misunderstanding.

Now, if something has happened and it is immensely damaging and hurtful, you must evaluate the person, their motives, and intentions.  Try to figure out what their agenda is.  Because I promise you that there are so many people out there that are claiming to be your friends and saying that they care about you, and behind your back they are tearing you apart, undermining everything you are trying to accomplish, and talking about you like you are a dog.  These are the types of people that I call "Frienemies", they are all around us, they are opportunist, and they are just trying to get you for whatever they can, and it doesn't matter to them how badly you get hurt.  To them you are just an end to the means.  If you don't get rid of them from your life they are going to continue to use you till there is nothing left and continue to hurt you.

It is easier to give into the pain and hatred, let the anger build and go after these people, but trust me when I tell you revenge and vengeance isn't any good.  Have faith that they are going to get what is coming to them, and they are going to be hurt far worse than you could ever do to them, by their own actions.  They are going to find out that they have no real friends and everyone is going to eventually find out what type of person they are and before you know it they are going to be hurting and you didn't have to lift a figure to do anything because they have done it to themselves.

Have pity on them that have hurt you and used you, that have spoken about you and lied on you, because they are so unhappy with their lives, and so insecure with there own standing that they try destroy yours.  But, guess what you are better than them.  You are going to be stronger then them, and you are going to be blessed far greater than them.  So please learn to forgive them for what they have done, understand the type of person they truly are, and let them go.  They are not worth you feeling guilty and miserable over.  Always keep in the front of your mind how they treated you and what they did to you, so you don't let them do it to you again, also by keeping that fresh in your mind you are going to be aware and ready for the next person that tries to play you and run game on you.  Because you know what how they act and operate.  So as the saying goes, "Forgive but never forget what they have done".  

While you are soul searching to find out why they did what they did, and all that.  Honestly take a good hard look at how you judge a person's character, because you may find out just like I did that you are a bad judge of character and your choice of friends leaves a lot to be desired. Learn to be observant, and as I have suggested before come at each encounter with a new person as an open book, be honest with them, don't hide behind your masks, develop a true friendship, test it if you have too, and when you figure out that they are just a player and are trying to run game on you drop them. Because in the long run they are just going to walk all over you, get as much out of you as they can and leave. It is just that simple, they honestly don't care, and because of that they have the most power in your relationship, because you are the one that cares you are the one that is going to get hurt.  My friend once sent me a picture that I wanted to post on here that summed up nicely what I was trying to say but I couldn't find it.  So I am going to do my best to tell you from my memory.  The picture said something like this "When someone in your life is taking more withdrawals then deposits, you will soon find that your account is out of balance, and you are negative, know when to close the account."  Like I was saying above, if someone is taking from you more than they are giving your, they are using you, they are not a true friend. Any type of friendship/relationship is supposed to be a partnership a 50/50 breakdown, the two of you should be benefiting each other in some way.  Because if that isn't happening then it really isn't a friendship at all.  If you continue to let it happen to you, I can guarantee that hard feelings and animosity are going to build up.  There is a very thin line between like and dislike and before you know it you are going to be in dislike.  I don't use the word hate, because I don't think I have ever found anyone that I disliked so much that I actually hated them.  But there are quite a few people out there that have played me and hurt me and I dislike what they did.  Now, I cannot fault them entirely because I know that I had my own part to play in the situation, but taking advantage of someone that is trying to help you is wrong no matter how you look at it.  It maybe a bit late and after the fact but those people will never get to play me again, because I now know about their agenda, and no matter how hard they will try to convince me otherwise, I know that they don't care about me.

Be wise as you pick your friends, try and hone your skills at being a good judge of character, protect yourself against the players and haters in the world.  Make sure you put your interest and goals in front of everyone else's because they aren't going to put yours first.  Above all else let go of the hate, anger and regret you feel, don't let it consume you and put you on the path of revenge.  Continue to be true to yourself and love everyone like you do.  Forgive them that have hurt you and move on, cutting them from your life and letting them figure out how they are going to work someone else because you are through.  Keep in mind my motto "So What, Who Cares, Get Over It and Move On" because in the grand scheme of life, they are just a little bump in the road, and when all is said and done they aren't going to be answering for you at Judgement, it is just going to be you alone.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B