We may have talked about this before, and if we did, I believe that it is time for a refresher. I went to my psychiatrist this morning and we talked about quite a few items. One was the fact that I am suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that I could use some more counseling to help me deal with the issues surrounding that. I also expressed to her that I had a desire to work on relationships, boundaries, and better interpersonal skills, specifically in the area of being a better judge of character.
During our conversation, we discussed the importance of forgiveness, and the releasing of our inner feelings. Because none of us is perfect and can never hope to achieve perfection, we have to settle for being just a work in progress. I mentioned to her that I learned over the past couple of years that forgiveness isn't for the other person it is for us. It gives us a sense of closure and helps us release the feelings that we had been harboring towards that person. Unresolved feelings that we harbor towards another can lead to resentment, anger and bitterness towards that person. If you cannot release and let go of what was bothering you, can you honestly move forward? Can you talk to the person civilly or will there be outburst of some sort?
I have learned over and over again that if you are wanting to change something you have to learn how to release the burdens, problems, pain and anger that might be holding you back. It is true that we all come with baggage, but how we cope with that baggage determines our ability to move forward. Remember that you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. Therefore, when you release the past you must release all the pent-up emotions that go with the incident. Yet, once again in order for you to achieve this you have to start with yourself.
All change must start with yourself, forgiveness starts from with-in, and if you don't release the feelings that reside in you at the same time, you could start to get bitter and develop resentment, which left unchecked could turn into hate. Like I discussed with you in another article bottling up your emotions causes undue stress in your life, You could blow up at the least little thing and at the wrong person. I also told you that it is impossible to move forward if we hold on to the baggage of the past. You cannot carry anything new if you have all the old stuff hanging around you.
Let me give you a real life example of what I am trying to explain to you about moving forward. Let's say you are on a date with someone. If you talk exclusively about your last relationship the person you on a date with probably will think that you aren't over your ex and aren't ready to move on. See, you haven't let go, or resolved your past, and therefore you cannot move forward, your hands are still full. Once you can find closure with the trauma of the past, you must still deal with the emotions that thinking about the issues bring up. If you don't you can never move past the place where you are at.
If you learn to let go of the small things and just focus on the big ones you might be able to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of life. No one said that it was going to be easy, that you wouldn't have to work hard to make it through? If you worry about every little thing that creeps up in your life you will never have the chance to move forward, and you will soon become frustrated and willing to give up and surrender, and my motto is never give up, never surrender! I also believe that we cherish and adore the things that we had to work the hardest for,
Remember that nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could. All this means is that without hard work and dedication nothing can be accomplished, because we have to put forth some type of effort in order for you to collect a return. The formula actually works out like this mathematically effort x work = positive return.
So my dear readers, you must let go of the past to take that step forward, and you must forgive those who have done you wrong and hurt you, you must forgive yourself and gain the closure you need to move on, and release those burdens of the past so that you can receive the new blessings that are coming your way. Remember you can't move forward with your hands full of your past deeds. Gaining the closure that you need to move on is the hardest thing in the world to achieve, however as I have found if you can forgive yourself and those around you that have caused you the pain, those cares and problems fall away like they never existed. A feeling of total peace will come over you and you will have the strength you need to move on.
Remember always that my hopes and dreams are with you, so take care of yourself and we will see each other on the flip side.
Uncle B
Showing posts with label forgive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgive. Show all posts
Friday, April 24, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Do not Surrender
It is amazing the things that you can hear when you just sit there and listen. Last evening a friend of mine from the Snellville days contacted me via Facebook. She talked and I listened to what she was willing to share with me. As she was talking she said that a true friend never gives up on another friend. As I lay in the bed I began to think on this and ponder it some more. If you are my friend on Facebook you know that I was unable to sleep last night because my brain seemed to be working in over time. That simple statement tugged at me and pulled at me, so I began to think about my life long friends. The ones that I have had for 30 + years. I analyzed the characters of these friends and their caliber. I wanted to know what made them tick and how we remained friends for so long.
I can honestly say that two of my friends have been through it all with me, the thick, the thin, the boyfriends, the relationships, the moves from Atlanta, to Pennsylvania, to Arlington, back to East Point and so forth. These two people are rare in the fact that if they had not been in my life I would have died a long time ago. One of them gave me inspiration and hope while the other one held my hand and cried with me. Sa'corey knows what I am talking about because he was the one that sat on my bed with me and cried with me when I found out I was HIV + and again when I found out that they were going to have to remove my large intestines. He wiped my tears, held my hand and let me cry on his big shoulders. My friend John pulled my head out of depression and set me straight on the path that I am on now. He looked at me one day shortly after they had removed all the staples from my abdomen and told me that he wanted to know where I was, where was the real Bryan, because the Bryan he was seeing wasn't the person he grew up with. He told me that he admired me and that I had been the type of person that would set their mind to a task and just go out an get it. A person who was confident and sure of what he was doing and wasn't afraid to learn new things.
That night I thought about what he had said and I wondered if he was correct if I had lost a part of me. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that they were both right. Sa'corey told me that I was a strong person and I could face what was happening too me and I would win and beat it. John had pointed out that I was a leader and not a follower, that I had given a part of myself away and that I needed to reclaim it, for if I did I would be able to conquer anything that was thrown at me.. Now you can imagine what my life was like at that time. I had serious doubts about everything, I had seen the specialist in New York and I knew that nothing could be done about my condition. The damage was done when they operated the first time. Dreading and fretting that my life as a gay man was over terrified me and weakened me. But, because of my best friends surrounding me and encouraging me to stay vigilant and strong, because they knew I was going to own this dragon or demon that had attached itself too me.
Upon reflection John was absolutely right I had lost my focus, my drive and my will to survive, and those were the very things I was going to need to rise up and fight this battle. Sa'corey and John saw something in me and knew that God was with me. Sa'corey sat with me the night before my surgery and he told me that there were angels all around me and that the light coming from me was brighter than ever. I knew in that moment just how Love, Blessed and Anointed I was, and I was to learn that I was also favored. I knew in my heart that I was going to make it through the surgery and live, because I knew that God had work for me to do. This is how awesome God is, that surgery that I had in September of 2007 was more extensive and invasive than the first surgery that I had back in 2005, yet I felt no pain. My original surgery the pain was so great that I had to walk around the house for hours to lessen it's grip on me. But I swear to you that I had no pain with this surgery at all. I did however lose a lot of weight and started running a high temperature it got as high as 103.7 and when the fever hit me I was unable to walk.
My mother and her friend literally picked me up and put in the car and drove me to the hospital. Under my staples and abscess had formed and my body was getting weaker and weaker. The doctors were relying on antibiotics, but that wasn't what was needed at all. On the third day of the IV antibiotics the surgeon came in and told me that if something didn't change soon that my body was going to shut down and I would drift to sleep and never wake up. I don't know why I thought that was funny but at that very moment I started to laugh and it was a good laugh it filled my lungs, and bolstered my courage. So I asked the doctor for some hydrogen peroxide and some que-tips because I couldn't stand how crusty and nasty my staples had become. He told the nurse to bring it too me that I couldn't hurt myself that I had already gone septic. She brought me those long wooden que-tips and a small cup full of hydrogen peroxide. She left the room and I set about to start cleaning my wounds and staples. Maybe it was the hands of an angel that guided my hand as I made the first mistake, which turned out to be the proper course of action.
I had started cleaning the middle staples because these were the worst crusted of all of them. Because that was where the initial infection had started and where the puss came from. I dipped the cotton end into the solution and I set out to get all the gunk off of me. If I was going to die then no one was ever going see this. That is when it happened my hand slipped and the cotton end glided across the staple surface and went directly into the wound and when I pulled it out the puss and infections started erupting from my abdomen. I called the nurse who brought me sterile gauze and peroxide. For almost and hour and half that wound drained. The very next morning I woke up feeling great I looked down at my stomach and the infection seemed to have vanished. The doctor came in a bit later and told me that I did what modern medicine couldn't do. I saved my self by accidentally slipping and puncturing the main pocket of infection and as we were cleaning it out my body went on over drive and defeated what was remaining.
Why am I telling you all of this? It is because if I can come through all this adversity and survive so can you. I was born with a fractured skull, my parents were told that I would have brain damage and that I probably would never walk or talk. Well I started talking a little after my first birthday and they haven't been able to shut me up yet. My mother and father will tell you I have never met a stranger, that I look and bring out the good in people. I am very social and love helping others and. of course I love to write and talk. But why the title Do not Surrender? What am I trying to tell you?
My friends whenever someone is told that they have cancer they automatically believe that their life is going to end and they are going to wither away and die. Some of them might, but most will find that the new treatments are not as harsh as the ones I had to take and there is a much higher success rate with the newer drugs. So there is hope . Look I am going lay it out for you straight and to the point. Last year in 2014 I was told that I had 6 terminal illnesses and I had an aneurysm which caused me to need 28 blood transfusions. I also suffered from a severe case of osteomilitis and was almost paralyzed my spinal cord was seriously compromised. Yet, when Grace from physical therapy came in that first day and told me that I was going to be stuck in that chair for the rest of my life. I literally laughed at her like I did the doctor in 2007. Difference this time was some permanent damage, my spinal column has collapsed due to hundreds of microfractures in my thoracic spine. The damage has been confirmed to be between the T5 and the T10 vertebrea. With that being said my rib cage is compressed and I cannot fully expand my lungs because it hurts too bad. Oh and by the way within 2 weeks of her telling me that I would never walk again I carried myself to the gym after training hours and I worked out on the balance bars, I drug my feet along and forced them to work and I was rewarded by being able to walk. Once i left the wheel chair I went to the 2 wheeled walker and had that for about a month or so and then I had the 4 wheeled walker and though I still have the 4 wheeled walker I no longer need it. I walked out of the nursing home using my cane and today I don't have to have any type of device to help me walk at all.
Now I have gone through all of these things to show you that no matter what you are going through or what you have to face that God has got you. You do not need to worry, lay your problems at His feet and walk away leaving them there because He will take care of them. Just keep in mind that our time is not His time. We might begin to panic but remember that God is always on time.
Do not surrender to your illness, do not surrender to depression, do not surrender to peer pressure, and do not surrender to temptation. Remember that God has got you, He has a host of angels that surround you. But, most importantly keep in mind that this too shall pass. No problem is as permanent as the solution.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I can honestly say that two of my friends have been through it all with me, the thick, the thin, the boyfriends, the relationships, the moves from Atlanta, to Pennsylvania, to Arlington, back to East Point and so forth. These two people are rare in the fact that if they had not been in my life I would have died a long time ago. One of them gave me inspiration and hope while the other one held my hand and cried with me. Sa'corey knows what I am talking about because he was the one that sat on my bed with me and cried with me when I found out I was HIV + and again when I found out that they were going to have to remove my large intestines. He wiped my tears, held my hand and let me cry on his big shoulders. My friend John pulled my head out of depression and set me straight on the path that I am on now. He looked at me one day shortly after they had removed all the staples from my abdomen and told me that he wanted to know where I was, where was the real Bryan, because the Bryan he was seeing wasn't the person he grew up with. He told me that he admired me and that I had been the type of person that would set their mind to a task and just go out an get it. A person who was confident and sure of what he was doing and wasn't afraid to learn new things.
That night I thought about what he had said and I wondered if he was correct if I had lost a part of me. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that they were both right. Sa'corey told me that I was a strong person and I could face what was happening too me and I would win and beat it. John had pointed out that I was a leader and not a follower, that I had given a part of myself away and that I needed to reclaim it, for if I did I would be able to conquer anything that was thrown at me.. Now you can imagine what my life was like at that time. I had serious doubts about everything, I had seen the specialist in New York and I knew that nothing could be done about my condition. The damage was done when they operated the first time. Dreading and fretting that my life as a gay man was over terrified me and weakened me. But, because of my best friends surrounding me and encouraging me to stay vigilant and strong, because they knew I was going to own this dragon or demon that had attached itself too me.
Upon reflection John was absolutely right I had lost my focus, my drive and my will to survive, and those were the very things I was going to need to rise up and fight this battle. Sa'corey and John saw something in me and knew that God was with me. Sa'corey sat with me the night before my surgery and he told me that there were angels all around me and that the light coming from me was brighter than ever. I knew in that moment just how Love, Blessed and Anointed I was, and I was to learn that I was also favored. I knew in my heart that I was going to make it through the surgery and live, because I knew that God had work for me to do. This is how awesome God is, that surgery that I had in September of 2007 was more extensive and invasive than the first surgery that I had back in 2005, yet I felt no pain. My original surgery the pain was so great that I had to walk around the house for hours to lessen it's grip on me. But I swear to you that I had no pain with this surgery at all. I did however lose a lot of weight and started running a high temperature it got as high as 103.7 and when the fever hit me I was unable to walk.
My mother and her friend literally picked me up and put in the car and drove me to the hospital. Under my staples and abscess had formed and my body was getting weaker and weaker. The doctors were relying on antibiotics, but that wasn't what was needed at all. On the third day of the IV antibiotics the surgeon came in and told me that if something didn't change soon that my body was going to shut down and I would drift to sleep and never wake up. I don't know why I thought that was funny but at that very moment I started to laugh and it was a good laugh it filled my lungs, and bolstered my courage. So I asked the doctor for some hydrogen peroxide and some que-tips because I couldn't stand how crusty and nasty my staples had become. He told the nurse to bring it too me that I couldn't hurt myself that I had already gone septic. She brought me those long wooden que-tips and a small cup full of hydrogen peroxide. She left the room and I set about to start cleaning my wounds and staples. Maybe it was the hands of an angel that guided my hand as I made the first mistake, which turned out to be the proper course of action.
I had started cleaning the middle staples because these were the worst crusted of all of them. Because that was where the initial infection had started and where the puss came from. I dipped the cotton end into the solution and I set out to get all the gunk off of me. If I was going to die then no one was ever going see this. That is when it happened my hand slipped and the cotton end glided across the staple surface and went directly into the wound and when I pulled it out the puss and infections started erupting from my abdomen. I called the nurse who brought me sterile gauze and peroxide. For almost and hour and half that wound drained. The very next morning I woke up feeling great I looked down at my stomach and the infection seemed to have vanished. The doctor came in a bit later and told me that I did what modern medicine couldn't do. I saved my self by accidentally slipping and puncturing the main pocket of infection and as we were cleaning it out my body went on over drive and defeated what was remaining.
Why am I telling you all of this? It is because if I can come through all this adversity and survive so can you. I was born with a fractured skull, my parents were told that I would have brain damage and that I probably would never walk or talk. Well I started talking a little after my first birthday and they haven't been able to shut me up yet. My mother and father will tell you I have never met a stranger, that I look and bring out the good in people. I am very social and love helping others and. of course I love to write and talk. But why the title Do not Surrender? What am I trying to tell you?
My friends whenever someone is told that they have cancer they automatically believe that their life is going to end and they are going to wither away and die. Some of them might, but most will find that the new treatments are not as harsh as the ones I had to take and there is a much higher success rate with the newer drugs. So there is hope . Look I am going lay it out for you straight and to the point. Last year in 2014 I was told that I had 6 terminal illnesses and I had an aneurysm which caused me to need 28 blood transfusions. I also suffered from a severe case of osteomilitis and was almost paralyzed my spinal cord was seriously compromised. Yet, when Grace from physical therapy came in that first day and told me that I was going to be stuck in that chair for the rest of my life. I literally laughed at her like I did the doctor in 2007. Difference this time was some permanent damage, my spinal column has collapsed due to hundreds of microfractures in my thoracic spine. The damage has been confirmed to be between the T5 and the T10 vertebrea. With that being said my rib cage is compressed and I cannot fully expand my lungs because it hurts too bad. Oh and by the way within 2 weeks of her telling me that I would never walk again I carried myself to the gym after training hours and I worked out on the balance bars, I drug my feet along and forced them to work and I was rewarded by being able to walk. Once i left the wheel chair I went to the 2 wheeled walker and had that for about a month or so and then I had the 4 wheeled walker and though I still have the 4 wheeled walker I no longer need it. I walked out of the nursing home using my cane and today I don't have to have any type of device to help me walk at all.
Now I have gone through all of these things to show you that no matter what you are going through or what you have to face that God has got you. You do not need to worry, lay your problems at His feet and walk away leaving them there because He will take care of them. Just keep in mind that our time is not His time. We might begin to panic but remember that God is always on time.
Do not surrender to your illness, do not surrender to depression, do not surrender to peer pressure, and do not surrender to temptation. Remember that God has got you, He has a host of angels that surround you. But, most importantly keep in mind that this too shall pass. No problem is as permanent as the solution.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Settling for other than you want and second guessing yourself is wrong
Life is full of changes, and when you come to a point in your life when you really want something, you have the means to achieve it but you are afraid that it will strain you financially. I want you to stop second guessing yourself, go for it! Don't settle for something less because it is less risky or expensive. When you start to settle for things that you don't want, or doesn't quite meet your expectations, you set a pattern for yourself that you might not be able to break out of.
Even when I was making good money, and doing alright for myself, I would be the last one to order a meal when out for dinner, I would wait and see what everyone else ordered, and then choose something less expensive. This wasn't because I had too, it was because I felt uncomfortable with the expense, and I always feared that I wouldn't be able to afford it. Even when I was in a relationship of 12 years, I sometimes still found myself in that mind frame, and would revert back to my old pattern of behavior. What is worse is that every time I would make a decision about a purchase, I would feel guilty about it. I would second guess myself and begin to worry. This is often referred to as buyers remorse. Believe it or not, millions of people suffer and are often plagued by this worry and guilt.
Ingrained patterns of behavior become habits over time and are extremely hard to break. In stressful situation, or situations where we feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable we can easily revert back to those old habits or patterns, even if we have left them behind for many years. So as life changes and hurtles and obstacles are put in our way, we need to change and adapt to them, or we are going to find ourselves unable to make a decision, be overwhelmed with stress over bills and sick with worry about where and how we are going to be pay for whatever it is that we have chosen to do. I know that this might be a little hard to follow, but I believe that once a worrier always a worrier. But I also know from previous experience that no matter how much I have worried and stressed out over situations, I was unable to change the outcome of the choice I had made. I also found that if I am constantly worried over something, I am not able to think of anything but the situation, much less try and figure out a solution to the problem. Sometimes, as the momentary panic had died down and the stress receded a little I found out that the universe or God always provides. Now, I am not saying go out there and get crazy spending large sums of money that you don't have and have no way of paying back. What I am saying is that if you are in a situation and you need or desire something and you are working hard and what you are wanting is not going to immediately cause damage.
Go for it, do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy. Even if things get tight for awhile a way will be provided to help you through, we are not left to fend for ourselves. Don't deny yourself things that are necessary, and don't choose to be second rate. Go for what you want, make yourself happy. As I have told you over and over again, life is too short. I don't want you to sweat the small shit in life! Let them pass, they will take care of themselves in the long run. Now, you have to understand that I am talking about small things, necessary items, and so forth. I am not telling you to go out and buy a Ferrari, unless you have the money to make the down payment, and the payments aren't going to cripple you to the point that you cannot take care of any other bill or yourself. Be reasonable, but if it really is something you want then I think you should go for it.
This weekend my father and I went out car shopping, he found a car for $1295.00 he thought that I should buy it. But, it wasn't me, and I knew I wouldn't be happy driving it. I stood my ground and went looking for something more my style and that I would feel comfortable with. I decided to stand my ground and get something that I liked and wanted. Now, I have a car payment and collision insurance, bills that I honestly wasn't wanting or planning on. However, I realized that if I didn't take matters into my own hands and make some sort of decision I was going to end up with car I wasn't comfortable with. Yes, the payments are monthly and that wasn't in my budget either, I was planning on buying a cash car, and making due. But, in the end I wasn't going to be happy at all. So I did what I thought was best. I bought something that I was interested in and I liked, I fretted and worried about the amount of money that I was spending and how much it is going to cost me over the next 2 1/2 years, but I stuck to my guns and got something that I liked.
How many times have you chosen to settle without thinking about your wants, needs and desires? I bet it has been a lot, and you were never really happy with the choice you made. I want you to know that I have been there right with you. As with all things you have to do them in moderation and at small manageable chunks at a time. You have to be willing to think and find a solution, confront your fear that you have over extended yourself and push aside the feeling that you are doomed because you don't know how you are going to cover the added expense. In this situation you have to be open minded and willing to work toward a solution. You aren't the first one that has made a decision that was extremely costly and had to think outside of the box to find a workable solution to the issue at hand.
Have you ever heard the saying " God helps those that help themselves" this is sincerely true. He is not going to let you falter or fall, He doesn't put us in situations that are greater than our ability to confront them and overcome them. Like I said earlier the universe or God will provide. He will make a way for you to come through the situation in a much better and stronger place. Some how and someway that you have never dreamed of the money to cover the situation will come. Seemingly it will come from nowhere, and you will look back at all the posturing and stress and realize that you had made the right decision and that everything will work itself out. You can do this, you can disrupt your pattern of behavior and break the habit, and what seemed so daunting a task will begin to become manageable and you will succeed.
Again, I am not telling you to go out and run up your credit cards, or buy things you want just so you can have them, you need to act moderately and work toward getting them. You have to be willing to work hard and do what you can, because I promise you the rest will come. Don't try to put on airs and live above your means because if you do this, I guarantee you will be continue to struggle, and won't be able to come up with a solution to help you out. Keep the things that you buy down to necessary items, food, housing, transportation, utilities, etc. If you do this I promise you that if you need something really desperately a way will be made for you to have it. Same thing with wanting something, if it truly is something you cannot live without, a way will be provided to help you through the struggle. As I have said before nothing worth doing is ever easy and I mean that.
The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand, that settling for something and making yourself miserable is not going to get you anywhere. Only you can make yourself happy, you have to do for yourself and provide for yourself, no matter how much it hurts you, because a way will be made to help you through. In the example above about the car, I was in desperate need of my own reliable transportation, I was being pushed one way and instead of settling for just old anything, I was determined to get what I want. I know that I am going to be struggling for the next few months till I can get everything back under control, but I know that I am not going to worry about it because God has my back. He isn't going to let me fail, because He alone knows how hard I have been trying to reach this goal. Yes, I will admit that I am a bit worried about the payments and other things because that takes a big chunk out of my disability check. But I know in my heart that if I am short, a way will be provided for me to have what I need to make this work.
Stressing over money is one of the biggest problems we have in this world today. But I am hear to tell you that if you keep the Faith, God will help you and keep you afloat. Be sure to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, then just do it. After that God will help you manage it. Remember to always to make yourself happy, don't worry about how other people feel about what you are doing. Remember you can't please everyone all of the time, but you sure can make sure you please yourself.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Even when I was making good money, and doing alright for myself, I would be the last one to order a meal when out for dinner, I would wait and see what everyone else ordered, and then choose something less expensive. This wasn't because I had too, it was because I felt uncomfortable with the expense, and I always feared that I wouldn't be able to afford it. Even when I was in a relationship of 12 years, I sometimes still found myself in that mind frame, and would revert back to my old pattern of behavior. What is worse is that every time I would make a decision about a purchase, I would feel guilty about it. I would second guess myself and begin to worry. This is often referred to as buyers remorse. Believe it or not, millions of people suffer and are often plagued by this worry and guilt.
Ingrained patterns of behavior become habits over time and are extremely hard to break. In stressful situation, or situations where we feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable we can easily revert back to those old habits or patterns, even if we have left them behind for many years. So as life changes and hurtles and obstacles are put in our way, we need to change and adapt to them, or we are going to find ourselves unable to make a decision, be overwhelmed with stress over bills and sick with worry about where and how we are going to be pay for whatever it is that we have chosen to do. I know that this might be a little hard to follow, but I believe that once a worrier always a worrier. But I also know from previous experience that no matter how much I have worried and stressed out over situations, I was unable to change the outcome of the choice I had made. I also found that if I am constantly worried over something, I am not able to think of anything but the situation, much less try and figure out a solution to the problem. Sometimes, as the momentary panic had died down and the stress receded a little I found out that the universe or God always provides. Now, I am not saying go out there and get crazy spending large sums of money that you don't have and have no way of paying back. What I am saying is that if you are in a situation and you need or desire something and you are working hard and what you are wanting is not going to immediately cause damage.
Go for it, do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy. Even if things get tight for awhile a way will be provided to help you through, we are not left to fend for ourselves. Don't deny yourself things that are necessary, and don't choose to be second rate. Go for what you want, make yourself happy. As I have told you over and over again, life is too short. I don't want you to sweat the small shit in life! Let them pass, they will take care of themselves in the long run. Now, you have to understand that I am talking about small things, necessary items, and so forth. I am not telling you to go out and buy a Ferrari, unless you have the money to make the down payment, and the payments aren't going to cripple you to the point that you cannot take care of any other bill or yourself. Be reasonable, but if it really is something you want then I think you should go for it.
This weekend my father and I went out car shopping, he found a car for $1295.00 he thought that I should buy it. But, it wasn't me, and I knew I wouldn't be happy driving it. I stood my ground and went looking for something more my style and that I would feel comfortable with. I decided to stand my ground and get something that I liked and wanted. Now, I have a car payment and collision insurance, bills that I honestly wasn't wanting or planning on. However, I realized that if I didn't take matters into my own hands and make some sort of decision I was going to end up with car I wasn't comfortable with. Yes, the payments are monthly and that wasn't in my budget either, I was planning on buying a cash car, and making due. But, in the end I wasn't going to be happy at all. So I did what I thought was best. I bought something that I was interested in and I liked, I fretted and worried about the amount of money that I was spending and how much it is going to cost me over the next 2 1/2 years, but I stuck to my guns and got something that I liked.
How many times have you chosen to settle without thinking about your wants, needs and desires? I bet it has been a lot, and you were never really happy with the choice you made. I want you to know that I have been there right with you. As with all things you have to do them in moderation and at small manageable chunks at a time. You have to be willing to think and find a solution, confront your fear that you have over extended yourself and push aside the feeling that you are doomed because you don't know how you are going to cover the added expense. In this situation you have to be open minded and willing to work toward a solution. You aren't the first one that has made a decision that was extremely costly and had to think outside of the box to find a workable solution to the issue at hand.
Have you ever heard the saying " God helps those that help themselves" this is sincerely true. He is not going to let you falter or fall, He doesn't put us in situations that are greater than our ability to confront them and overcome them. Like I said earlier the universe or God will provide. He will make a way for you to come through the situation in a much better and stronger place. Some how and someway that you have never dreamed of the money to cover the situation will come. Seemingly it will come from nowhere, and you will look back at all the posturing and stress and realize that you had made the right decision and that everything will work itself out. You can do this, you can disrupt your pattern of behavior and break the habit, and what seemed so daunting a task will begin to become manageable and you will succeed.
Again, I am not telling you to go out and run up your credit cards, or buy things you want just so you can have them, you need to act moderately and work toward getting them. You have to be willing to work hard and do what you can, because I promise you the rest will come. Don't try to put on airs and live above your means because if you do this, I guarantee you will be continue to struggle, and won't be able to come up with a solution to help you out. Keep the things that you buy down to necessary items, food, housing, transportation, utilities, etc. If you do this I promise you that if you need something really desperately a way will be made for you to have it. Same thing with wanting something, if it truly is something you cannot live without, a way will be provided to help you through the struggle. As I have said before nothing worth doing is ever easy and I mean that.
The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand, that settling for something and making yourself miserable is not going to get you anywhere. Only you can make yourself happy, you have to do for yourself and provide for yourself, no matter how much it hurts you, because a way will be made to help you through. In the example above about the car, I was in desperate need of my own reliable transportation, I was being pushed one way and instead of settling for just old anything, I was determined to get what I want. I know that I am going to be struggling for the next few months till I can get everything back under control, but I know that I am not going to worry about it because God has my back. He isn't going to let me fail, because He alone knows how hard I have been trying to reach this goal. Yes, I will admit that I am a bit worried about the payments and other things because that takes a big chunk out of my disability check. But I know in my heart that if I am short, a way will be provided for me to have what I need to make this work.
Stressing over money is one of the biggest problems we have in this world today. But I am hear to tell you that if you keep the Faith, God will help you and keep you afloat. Be sure to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, then just do it. After that God will help you manage it. Remember to always to make yourself happy, don't worry about how other people feel about what you are doing. Remember you can't please everyone all of the time, but you sure can make sure you please yourself.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, July 30, 2012
Hate, Anger and Regret will consume you.
I was thinking about anger, hate and regrets the other day and how those three things are the formula for revenge. Revenge is all about getting back at someone for hurting you, or having done something to you. The pitfalls of revenge can be found in literary classics like "Moby Dick" and other such important works. The end results are usually the same, a person becomes embroiled and totally consumed by the intense drive and need to execute their revenge. Revenge is pointless, you cannot change the past, and in most cases more hurt is inflicted upon yourself then the person you target. In my blog entry entitled "So What, Who Cares, Get Over it and Move on" I talk about grudges, and revenge is a grudge that has grown out of control and has become an obsession.
It is impossible for anyone to tell you how to change your course, all we can do is try to warn you of the danger you are in. When you blame someone else for something that has happened to you and you forget that it took two of you to be involved in the situation, and that both of you are to blame for what happened. How can you ever get past it? The important thing is to accept responsibility for your role in the situation, come to terms with the fact that both of you made terrible choices, and the end result is that you got hurt. Plot, planning, devising ways to embarrass, punish and victimize the person that hurt you makes you know better than that person. Possibly it makes you worse, because you have taken the time to plan it out, worked hard to execute the plan, and probably tried to get others to side with you against the other person in the process.
I warn you that if you take this path you are going to have to deal with, and live with the consequences of your choices and your actions. Remember that karma is a harsh mistress and she gives back what you dish out, and when she does it is 10 times worse than what you gave to the other person. When you become obsessed with hurting another person and become so intent on exacting your revenge, you are going to destroy your credibility with others, you are going to put all of your friendships and relationships in jeopardy. In the end you are going to end up alone and full of despair. After all is said and done and your revenge has taken place there is going to be nothing left inside of you, you have used up all your hatred and anger and an empty hole remains where there once was pain. Pain is good like I have said before, it lets you know you are alive, and it teaches us how to react in situations and protects us from making the same or similar choices over again.
If you feel nothing but emptiness, what do you think is going to fill the void? Do you think it is going to be love? Understanding? No, it is going to be an all consuming and overwhelming sense of despair, guilt and depression. Then when you look back at all the energy and time that you have wasted, and trust me you are going to see that it was a total waste. You are going to see that it was fruitless, and the joy that you thought you were going to feel watching the other person pay and squirm is going to feel so unrewarding, and by then it is too late. Nothing you can do will take back the actions you have taken. Once you are on that path, how could you possibly feel anything whatsoever?
In most cases the hurt that you experienced at another's hands was probably accidental, not even planned. Even if the pain was because they were talking about you behind your back and lying to everyone around you, accusing you of things you hadn't done. You really need to look at your past actions and see if what they are reacting to, isn't somehow a direct result of something you might have done or said, and what they were doing was to get back at you. See revenge is a nasty two edge sword, and no matter if you started it or reacted to it, it still wounds both you and the person it was intended for. What if once you have searched within yourself and it wasn't brought about by something you have done, take into consideration who it was that was talking about you, maybe you will find that they are jealous of you, or envy you for some reason, or maybe they are just a bitter lonely person who can't stand to see you happy because they aren't.
Understand that I am not saying what they did wasn't wrong, and that your feelings of hurt and betrayal aren't justified, but take it in stride and with a grain of salt. Remember, who said it or did it and if you can't figure out why they did it, I suggest you confront them privately and try to find out. More than likely they are going to deny that they did it, and if that happens you have to determine if they are actually telling the truth and if you can really trust the source from which your information came from. Because often times we get caught up in the "He Said, She Said" bull crap, and eventually find out that we have been played from the start. It is always best to go to the source and confront them and figure out what actually happened or was said. You may find out that they are innocent, or you may find out that they did do it, and what got back to you was taken out of context and made to hurt you, and when you find out what was really said or done, you could find out that it was all a big misunderstanding.
Now, if something has happened and it is immensely damaging and hurtful, you must evaluate the person, their motives, and intentions. Try to figure out what their agenda is. Because I promise you that there are so many people out there that are claiming to be your friends and saying that they care about you, and behind your back they are tearing you apart, undermining everything you are trying to accomplish, and talking about you like you are a dog. These are the types of people that I call "Frienemies", they are all around us, they are opportunist, and they are just trying to get you for whatever they can, and it doesn't matter to them how badly you get hurt. To them you are just an end to the means. If you don't get rid of them from your life they are going to continue to use you till there is nothing left and continue to hurt you.
It is easier to give into the pain and hatred, let the anger build and go after these people, but trust me when I tell you revenge and vengeance isn't any good. Have faith that they are going to get what is coming to them, and they are going to be hurt far worse than you could ever do to them, by their own actions. They are going to find out that they have no real friends and everyone is going to eventually find out what type of person they are and before you know it they are going to be hurting and you didn't have to lift a figure to do anything because they have done it to themselves.
Have pity on them that have hurt you and used you, that have spoken about you and lied on you, because they are so unhappy with their lives, and so insecure with there own standing that they try destroy yours. But, guess what you are better than them. You are going to be stronger then them, and you are going to be blessed far greater than them. So please learn to forgive them for what they have done, understand the type of person they truly are, and let them go. They are not worth you feeling guilty and miserable over. Always keep in the front of your mind how they treated you and what they did to you, so you don't let them do it to you again, also by keeping that fresh in your mind you are going to be aware and ready for the next person that tries to play you and run game on you. Because you know what how they act and operate. So as the saying goes, "Forgive but never forget what they have done".
While you are soul searching to find out why they did what they did, and all that. Honestly take a good hard look at how you judge a person's character, because you may find out just like I did that you are a bad judge of character and your choice of friends leaves a lot to be desired. Learn to be observant, and as I have suggested before come at each encounter with a new person as an open book, be honest with them, don't hide behind your masks, develop a true friendship, test it if you have too, and when you figure out that they are just a player and are trying to run game on you drop them. Because in the long run they are just going to walk all over you, get as much out of you as they can and leave. It is just that simple, they honestly don't care, and because of that they have the most power in your relationship, because you are the one that cares you are the one that is going to get hurt. My friend once sent me a picture that I wanted to post on here that summed up nicely what I was trying to say but I couldn't find it. So I am going to do my best to tell you from my memory. The picture said something like this "When someone in your life is taking more withdrawals then deposits, you will soon find that your account is out of balance, and you are negative, know when to close the account." Like I was saying above, if someone is taking from you more than they are giving your, they are using you, they are not a true friend. Any type of friendship/relationship is supposed to be a partnership a 50/50 breakdown, the two of you should be benefiting each other in some way. Because if that isn't happening then it really isn't a friendship at all. If you continue to let it happen to you, I can guarantee that hard feelings and animosity are going to build up. There is a very thin line between like and dislike and before you know it you are going to be in dislike. I don't use the word hate, because I don't think I have ever found anyone that I disliked so much that I actually hated them. But there are quite a few people out there that have played me and hurt me and I dislike what they did. Now, I cannot fault them entirely because I know that I had my own part to play in the situation, but taking advantage of someone that is trying to help you is wrong no matter how you look at it. It maybe a bit late and after the fact but those people will never get to play me again, because I now know about their agenda, and no matter how hard they will try to convince me otherwise, I know that they don't care about me.
Be wise as you pick your friends, try and hone your skills at being a good judge of character, protect yourself against the players and haters in the world. Make sure you put your interest and goals in front of everyone else's because they aren't going to put yours first. Above all else let go of the hate, anger and regret you feel, don't let it consume you and put you on the path of revenge. Continue to be true to yourself and love everyone like you do. Forgive them that have hurt you and move on, cutting them from your life and letting them figure out how they are going to work someone else because you are through. Keep in mind my motto "So What, Who Cares, Get Over It and Move On" because in the grand scheme of life, they are just a little bump in the road, and when all is said and done they aren't going to be answering for you at Judgement, it is just going to be you alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
It is impossible for anyone to tell you how to change your course, all we can do is try to warn you of the danger you are in. When you blame someone else for something that has happened to you and you forget that it took two of you to be involved in the situation, and that both of you are to blame for what happened. How can you ever get past it? The important thing is to accept responsibility for your role in the situation, come to terms with the fact that both of you made terrible choices, and the end result is that you got hurt. Plot, planning, devising ways to embarrass, punish and victimize the person that hurt you makes you know better than that person. Possibly it makes you worse, because you have taken the time to plan it out, worked hard to execute the plan, and probably tried to get others to side with you against the other person in the process.
I warn you that if you take this path you are going to have to deal with, and live with the consequences of your choices and your actions. Remember that karma is a harsh mistress and she gives back what you dish out, and when she does it is 10 times worse than what you gave to the other person. When you become obsessed with hurting another person and become so intent on exacting your revenge, you are going to destroy your credibility with others, you are going to put all of your friendships and relationships in jeopardy. In the end you are going to end up alone and full of despair. After all is said and done and your revenge has taken place there is going to be nothing left inside of you, you have used up all your hatred and anger and an empty hole remains where there once was pain. Pain is good like I have said before, it lets you know you are alive, and it teaches us how to react in situations and protects us from making the same or similar choices over again.
If you feel nothing but emptiness, what do you think is going to fill the void? Do you think it is going to be love? Understanding? No, it is going to be an all consuming and overwhelming sense of despair, guilt and depression. Then when you look back at all the energy and time that you have wasted, and trust me you are going to see that it was a total waste. You are going to see that it was fruitless, and the joy that you thought you were going to feel watching the other person pay and squirm is going to feel so unrewarding, and by then it is too late. Nothing you can do will take back the actions you have taken. Once you are on that path, how could you possibly feel anything whatsoever?
In most cases the hurt that you experienced at another's hands was probably accidental, not even planned. Even if the pain was because they were talking about you behind your back and lying to everyone around you, accusing you of things you hadn't done. You really need to look at your past actions and see if what they are reacting to, isn't somehow a direct result of something you might have done or said, and what they were doing was to get back at you. See revenge is a nasty two edge sword, and no matter if you started it or reacted to it, it still wounds both you and the person it was intended for. What if once you have searched within yourself and it wasn't brought about by something you have done, take into consideration who it was that was talking about you, maybe you will find that they are jealous of you, or envy you for some reason, or maybe they are just a bitter lonely person who can't stand to see you happy because they aren't.
Understand that I am not saying what they did wasn't wrong, and that your feelings of hurt and betrayal aren't justified, but take it in stride and with a grain of salt. Remember, who said it or did it and if you can't figure out why they did it, I suggest you confront them privately and try to find out. More than likely they are going to deny that they did it, and if that happens you have to determine if they are actually telling the truth and if you can really trust the source from which your information came from. Because often times we get caught up in the "He Said, She Said" bull crap, and eventually find out that we have been played from the start. It is always best to go to the source and confront them and figure out what actually happened or was said. You may find out that they are innocent, or you may find out that they did do it, and what got back to you was taken out of context and made to hurt you, and when you find out what was really said or done, you could find out that it was all a big misunderstanding.
Now, if something has happened and it is immensely damaging and hurtful, you must evaluate the person, their motives, and intentions. Try to figure out what their agenda is. Because I promise you that there are so many people out there that are claiming to be your friends and saying that they care about you, and behind your back they are tearing you apart, undermining everything you are trying to accomplish, and talking about you like you are a dog. These are the types of people that I call "Frienemies", they are all around us, they are opportunist, and they are just trying to get you for whatever they can, and it doesn't matter to them how badly you get hurt. To them you are just an end to the means. If you don't get rid of them from your life they are going to continue to use you till there is nothing left and continue to hurt you.
It is easier to give into the pain and hatred, let the anger build and go after these people, but trust me when I tell you revenge and vengeance isn't any good. Have faith that they are going to get what is coming to them, and they are going to be hurt far worse than you could ever do to them, by their own actions. They are going to find out that they have no real friends and everyone is going to eventually find out what type of person they are and before you know it they are going to be hurting and you didn't have to lift a figure to do anything because they have done it to themselves.
Have pity on them that have hurt you and used you, that have spoken about you and lied on you, because they are so unhappy with their lives, and so insecure with there own standing that they try destroy yours. But, guess what you are better than them. You are going to be stronger then them, and you are going to be blessed far greater than them. So please learn to forgive them for what they have done, understand the type of person they truly are, and let them go. They are not worth you feeling guilty and miserable over. Always keep in the front of your mind how they treated you and what they did to you, so you don't let them do it to you again, also by keeping that fresh in your mind you are going to be aware and ready for the next person that tries to play you and run game on you. Because you know what how they act and operate. So as the saying goes, "Forgive but never forget what they have done".
While you are soul searching to find out why they did what they did, and all that. Honestly take a good hard look at how you judge a person's character, because you may find out just like I did that you are a bad judge of character and your choice of friends leaves a lot to be desired. Learn to be observant, and as I have suggested before come at each encounter with a new person as an open book, be honest with them, don't hide behind your masks, develop a true friendship, test it if you have too, and when you figure out that they are just a player and are trying to run game on you drop them. Because in the long run they are just going to walk all over you, get as much out of you as they can and leave. It is just that simple, they honestly don't care, and because of that they have the most power in your relationship, because you are the one that cares you are the one that is going to get hurt. My friend once sent me a picture that I wanted to post on here that summed up nicely what I was trying to say but I couldn't find it. So I am going to do my best to tell you from my memory. The picture said something like this "When someone in your life is taking more withdrawals then deposits, you will soon find that your account is out of balance, and you are negative, know when to close the account." Like I was saying above, if someone is taking from you more than they are giving your, they are using you, they are not a true friend. Any type of friendship/relationship is supposed to be a partnership a 50/50 breakdown, the two of you should be benefiting each other in some way. Because if that isn't happening then it really isn't a friendship at all. If you continue to let it happen to you, I can guarantee that hard feelings and animosity are going to build up. There is a very thin line between like and dislike and before you know it you are going to be in dislike. I don't use the word hate, because I don't think I have ever found anyone that I disliked so much that I actually hated them. But there are quite a few people out there that have played me and hurt me and I dislike what they did. Now, I cannot fault them entirely because I know that I had my own part to play in the situation, but taking advantage of someone that is trying to help you is wrong no matter how you look at it. It maybe a bit late and after the fact but those people will never get to play me again, because I now know about their agenda, and no matter how hard they will try to convince me otherwise, I know that they don't care about me.
Be wise as you pick your friends, try and hone your skills at being a good judge of character, protect yourself against the players and haters in the world. Make sure you put your interest and goals in front of everyone else's because they aren't going to put yours first. Above all else let go of the hate, anger and regret you feel, don't let it consume you and put you on the path of revenge. Continue to be true to yourself and love everyone like you do. Forgive them that have hurt you and move on, cutting them from your life and letting them figure out how they are going to work someone else because you are through. Keep in mind my motto "So What, Who Cares, Get Over It and Move On" because in the grand scheme of life, they are just a little bump in the road, and when all is said and done they aren't going to be answering for you at Judgement, it is just going to be you alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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