Sunday, August 5, 2012

Settling for other than you want and second guessing yourself is wrong

Life is full of changes, and when you come to a point in your life when you really want something, you have the means to achieve it but you are afraid that it will strain you financially.  I want you to stop second guessing yourself, go for it! Don't settle for something less because it is less risky or expensive.  When you start to settle for things that you don't want, or doesn't quite meet your expectations, you set a pattern for yourself that you might not be able to break out of.

Even when I was making good money, and doing alright for myself, I would be the last one to order a meal when out for dinner, I would wait and see what everyone else ordered, and then choose something less expensive.  This wasn't because I had too, it was because I felt uncomfortable with the expense, and I always feared that I wouldn't be able to afford it.  Even when I was in a relationship of 12 years, I sometimes still found myself in that mind frame, and would revert back to my old pattern of behavior.  What is worse is that every time I would make a decision about a purchase, I would feel guilty about it.  I would second guess myself and begin to worry.  This is often referred to as buyers remorse.  Believe it or not, millions of people suffer and are often plagued by this worry and guilt.

Ingrained patterns of behavior become habits over time and are extremely hard to break. In stressful situation, or situations where we feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable we can easily revert back to those old habits or patterns, even if we have left them behind for many years.  So as life changes and hurtles and obstacles are put in our way, we need to change and adapt to them, or we are going to find ourselves unable to make a decision, be overwhelmed with stress over bills and sick with worry about where and how we are going to be pay for whatever it is that we have chosen to do.  I know that this might be a little hard to follow, but I believe that once a worrier always a worrier.  But I also know from previous experience that no matter how much I have worried and stressed out over situations, I was unable to change the outcome of the choice I had made.  I also found that if I am constantly worried over something, I am not able to think of anything but the situation, much less try and figure out a solution to the problem.  Sometimes, as the momentary panic had died down and the stress receded a little I found out that the universe or God always provides.  Now, I am not saying go out there and get crazy spending large sums of money that you don't have and have no way of paying back.  What I am saying is that if you are in a situation and you need or desire something and you are working hard and what you are wanting is not going to immediately cause damage.

Go for it, do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy. Even if things get tight for awhile a way will be provided to help you through, we are not left to fend for ourselves.  Don't deny yourself things that are necessary, and don't choose to be second rate.  Go for what you want, make yourself happy.  As I have told you over and over again, life is too short.  I don't want you to sweat the small shit in life! Let them pass, they will take care of themselves in the long run.  Now, you have to understand that I am talking about small things, necessary items, and so forth.  I am not telling you to go out and buy a Ferrari, unless you have the money to make the down payment, and the payments aren't going to cripple you to the point that you cannot take care of any other bill or yourself.  Be reasonable, but if it really is something you want then I think you should go for it.

This weekend my father and I went out car shopping, he found a car for $1295.00 he thought that I should buy it. But, it wasn't me, and I knew I wouldn't be happy driving it.  I stood my ground and went looking for something more my style and that I would feel comfortable with.  I decided to stand my ground and get something that I liked and wanted.  Now, I have a car payment and collision insurance, bills that I honestly wasn't wanting or planning on.  However, I realized that if I didn't take matters into my own hands and make some sort of decision I was going to end up with car I wasn't comfortable with.  Yes, the payments are monthly and that wasn't in my budget either, I was planning on buying a cash car, and making due.  But, in the end I wasn't going to be happy at all.  So I did what I thought was best.  I bought something that I was interested in and I liked, I fretted and worried about the amount of money that I was spending and how much it is going to cost me over the next 2 1/2 years, but I stuck to my guns and got something that I liked.

How many times have you chosen to settle without thinking about your wants, needs and desires?  I bet it has been a lot, and you were never really happy with the choice you made. I want you to know that I have been there right with you.  As with all things you have to do them in moderation and at small manageable chunks at a time.  You have to be willing to think and find a solution, confront your fear that you have over extended yourself and push aside the feeling that you are doomed because you don't know how you are going to cover the added expense.  In this situation you have to be open minded and willing to work toward a solution.  You aren't the first one that has made a decision that was extremely costly and had to think outside of the box to find a workable solution to the issue at hand.

Have you ever heard the saying " God helps those that help themselves"  this is sincerely true. He is not going to let you falter or fall, He doesn't put us in situations that are greater than our ability to confront them and overcome them.  Like I said earlier the universe or God will provide.  He will make a way for you to come through the situation in a much better and stronger place.  Some how and someway that you have never dreamed of the money to cover the situation will come.  Seemingly it will come from nowhere, and you will look back at all the posturing and stress and realize that you had made the right decision and that everything will work itself out.  You can do this, you can disrupt your pattern of behavior and break the habit, and what seemed so daunting a task will begin to become manageable and you will succeed.

Again, I am not telling you to go out and run up your credit cards, or buy things you want just so you can have them, you need to act moderately and work toward getting them.  You have to be willing to work hard and do what you can, because I promise you the rest will come.  Don't try to put on airs and live above your means because if you do this, I guarantee you will be continue to struggle, and won't be able to come up with a solution to help you out.  Keep the things that you buy down to necessary items, food, housing, transportation, utilities, etc.  If you do this I promise you that if you need something really desperately a way will be made for you to have it. Same thing with wanting something, if it truly is something you cannot live without, a way will be provided to help you through the struggle.  As I have said before nothing worth doing is ever easy and I mean that.

The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand, that settling for something and making yourself miserable is not going to get you anywhere. Only you can make yourself happy, you have to do for yourself and provide for yourself, no matter how much it hurts you, because a way will be made to help you through. In the example above about the car, I was in desperate need of my own reliable transportation, I was being pushed one way and instead of settling for just old anything, I was determined to get what I want. I know that I am going to be struggling for the next few months till I can get everything back under control, but I know that I am not going to worry about it because God has my back.  He isn't going to let me fail, because He alone knows how hard I have been trying to reach this goal.  Yes, I will admit that I am a bit worried about the payments and other things because that takes a big chunk out of my disability check. But I know in my heart that if I am short, a way will be provided for me to have what I need to make this work.

Stressing over money is one of the biggest problems we have in this world today. But I am hear to tell you that if you keep the Faith, God will help you and keep you afloat.  Be sure to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, then just do it. After that God will help you manage it.  Remember to always to make yourself happy, don't worry about how other people feel about what you are doing.  Remember you can't please everyone all of the time, but you sure can make sure you please yourself.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B