One of my favorite show's on television today is the new TNT series called Perception. Starring Eric McCormack, from Will and Grace, who place Dr. Daniel Pierce, a neurology professor who also suffers from all sorts of neurotic afflictions. Well the end of the 3rd episode Dr Pierce is in the class room and he tell his students this: "All we really have is the present moment. If I were you I would truly savor the here and now. That precious irreplaceable right then, this second. That is never to be repeated again in the whole of history. The quiet moment the beautiful peaceful night with family and friends so close and nearby, with the moonlight streaming down through the cloud spotted night. Savor this! While you can, because once this moment is gone it is lost forever to never to be seen or experienced again." How many times have we let life's little moments pass us by? How many perfect opportunities have we let slip past us without recognizing them? I realized yesterday what it means to seize the day, live in the moment. It was yesterday that I realized that I had a secret desire that was locked inside of me. Wrapped in my own personal insecurities and fear of rejection, hidden by walls of logic twelve years old. These walls were built to keep everyone and everything from touching my heart.
I lacked the courage to reach inside of myself and free my heart. To say enough is enough, to follow my inner voice to reach out and dare to love, or let someone love me. Yet, God saw my plight and sent people to enter back into my life to show me that no matter what my fears, anxieties and insecurities that are within me, that someone has been there patiently waiting for me to let them back in. Hit me with a club or knock me over with a feather, because low and behold he had been there, right there for the past two years. Neither of us realizing what the other meant until one day we found ourselves so far away from each other. The phone calls and emails, the laughter and all the pain painted a story I was too blind to see. I couldn't see the moments that were too precious and few that had passed on by. How important it is to savor every second because we only have the here and now! We aren't promised a tomorrow, and the past is already gone. You can't change what you have done or where you have been. But, you sure can take steps to correct the mistakes of the past, so they don't occur again in the future. We must learn from the past, not cling to it. Because as was pointed out to me you cannot move forward if you are constantly looking backward, and you can't build anything meaningful if you cling to the baggage of your old life. Let them go, surrender to the now and move forward.
Remember that men are not wise in the subtle nuances and ways of romance. It takes us a while to grasp the concept that someone is truly attracted to us. We miss the hints that are thrown our way. But please don't give up on us, if we don't get it at first. I beg of you to be brutal and painfully obvious, bludgeon us over the head, because trust me it maybe the only way to make us get it. Remember how precious life is and how easy it is to wrap yourself up in your own little world. Our time upon the earth is short, care about someone, take the chance and tell them. If you wait too long it might just be too late. Take the stance that you must work hard for what you want. That makes getting it, all the more precious. Keeping always in mind that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I am fond of saying "if it isn't hard, it isn't good nor is it appreciated."
Seize the moment, fight back your fears, bolster your courage and let them know how you feel. Don't be like me and my partner, don't take the other for granted and only realize how much you mean to one another when you both almost died. Even then, when this terrible event happened, I had to be bullied by my best friend to be honest with myself and my partner and say something. Because I clung to my walls and hid behind my fear and insecurities until I was shown by persistence and patience not to mention a perseverance I have never known before, that this person showed by calling me and telling me about his upcoming singing gigs, then the exciting news about a recording scout's approach of him when he was visiting Miami, then about his surgeries and his insistent drive and desire to include me in every aspect of his life. I was too blind to understand how much he honestly cared. Then it was put directly too me, right in my face via a text message that said "Okay well in some way we need to be together, let's enjoy our time...It doesn't last long for either of us, so enjoy the moments we have together." That's when it dawned on me that he felt the same way about me that I did about him. We weren't high or drunk were were just talking back and forth via text and it just came out. Then when I told my best friend about it. He told me to stop hiding my feelings and truly let them out, it had been too long since i shared my whole heart with someone. Here was the moment and the person I wanted to share it with and what was I going to do? Was I going to let it go and just let him walk away from me again like I did last summer? Or the time before that?
"Carpe Diem" - Seize the day are definitely words to live by! Because as I am so found of also saying "Stop to take the time to smell the roses, stop take a look at the majesty and beauty that surrounds you! For time passes quickly, beauty fades and before we realize it, we have missed all those precious moments that life has given to us." Remember to savor the here and now, because all we really have is the present moment. This precious and irreplaceable right now, that will never ever be repeated again in the whole of history. Don't wrap yourself so tightly into your own little world because the precious few perfect moments that life presents us with are fleeting, and if you aren't focused and paying attention they will pass you by.
Yet take heart my friends as with all things there is more than one choice here. For life is truly complicated and a perfect moment may never present itself, so then dear friend it is up too you to take the opportunity and create your own moment. Because as I pointed out above, take heed of the here and now, make the most of it. Savor it and flavor it in your own special way and seize it make it yours and do what must be done! Remember to love and live because life is like a feast and most poor souls are starving to death. Heed my words of advice, seek the truth that hides with in, seize the moment let your feeling show, because you never know you might find love and happiness like me. How close I was to almost missing it, to letting it slip away yet once again. Thank God for putting my partner here, and making him such and important part of my life, and thank you Lord for revealing to me when I was so sick that he was the only one that offered to drop everything in his life and come to be with me. Just because I wanted him. Plus, he felt that I needed him and as long as I did he was going to be there for me. He was the only one out of all my friends that said that too me. Second, it has been through his support and that of others that have continually encouraged me to write and keep doing what I love. Thank you God for just putting him in my life and granting him the patience to deal with my slow almost retarded view of relationships and love.
Life is too short to face it all alone my friends. Take a chance open your heart to love. Promise me you will give it another try. You can do it! Like Kerri Hilson sang "Sometimes when love comes around it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down."
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,