Monday, August 13, 2012

Pobody's Nerfect! You know what I mean?

I was thinking about this the other day, how we are all so hard on ourselves, how we judge others, and how we react to things that just simply don't go the way we think they should.  I think a great deal of this goes back to our expectations, and the perspective at which we choose to look at things.  Now, I know we have talked about both of these subject before so I am only going to touch on them again cursory I don't want to feel like I am preaching to you or trying to shove my opinion down your throat.  Because believe me we get enough of people trying to force their opinions on us all the time and the last thing you need is to read something that is forcibly trying to get you to think my way.

Now with that being said, the topics that I discuss seem to come to me at the time when someone who reads my blog needs them.  I guess that is the way things go in the world. Because as they say "the Lord works in mysterious ways".  So let me take one minute to shout out to those of you that have taken the time to write to me to tell me thank you that the topics have really touched you.  I really appreciate your comments and feedback as well as the words of encouragement that you so kindly have extended to me. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't sit here and do this everyday.  But since there is a need that I am meeting I think I will continue to offer this service for as long as I can.

So on with the show so to speak.  I want everyone of you to remember that there is none of us, me included that is perfect in anyway.  Heck if we were we wouldn't be in the situations that we constantly find ourselves in.  The secret to understanding this is that as long as you can remember that you aren't perfect then just maybe you can remember that the person trying to help you isn't perfect either. That everyone, yourself included has things going on in your life that you don't let others know, and sometimes those events or circumstances overlap into your work life.  No matter how you try to separate your professional world from your home world they sometimes overlap and there is very little that you can do to keep that from happening.  However, when those days are upon you, try to change your focus just a little bit, put a smile on your face, because believe it or not that will carry over into your voice and your manner when your are talking to other people.

Always give the another person the benefit of the doubt, you cannot know what they are going through or have been going through because you are not in their situation. So be patient and understanding in how you deal with situations.  The old adage remains true today as it did yesterday, "You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar".   Which is just another way of saying treat everyone the way you would like to be treated.  I know that at times when your emotions are high, it is really easy to forget these things and blow up at someone.  It is never easy to deal with things when you are upset. Sometimes it might be best to just walk away from the situation till you can address it in a calm friendly manner.  I know I am fond of telling you that you need to divorce your emotions from tense situations, and I know that at times it is extremely hard to do.  But if you do approach each situation from an analytical standpoint, I believe you will be able to handle the situation more efficiently and take out the personal aspects from your arguments.

I know that you have heard the term "walk a mile in someone else's shoes and see if you can do the same thing that they are doing."  Well, guess what here is my take on that, it is virtually impossible for you to walk a mile in anyone's shoes, because they are not going to fit your feet, you are going to either have your toes pinched and be extremely uncomfortable or you are going to get blisters on your heels, because trust me their shoes aren't going to fit, no matter how much you try to ram your feet into them.  By me saying this, I mean, my situation and your situation are always going to be different, you don't have the same kind of training I have or the experience, and I don't have yours, so my situation is always going to be a little different from yours.  You are definitely going to handle each situation you are presented with according to your skills and training where I am going to apply my own. Plus, you filter and process information totally different from me. You know why? Because we were raised totally differently, we have different experiences that color our past and give us our character.  Now, with all of this being said, I believe that if we approach each person, situation and event that we find ourselves in, from a logical standpoint, and leave the emotions out of it, we can intellectually understand and sympathize with the other person and make allowances for their behavior.  Now again, I don't expect you to forget when someone is extremely unprofessional and rude to you, but I want you to understand that there truly might be extenuating circumstances that you are totally unaware of. When you start thinking like that you will cut them some slack and give them some allowances for their behavior.  However, despite what someone else is going through they have the responsibility to act professionally at all times when on the job, so I would call them out on their behavior and make them aware of how they made me feel. I would do it in a not threatening way, because I for one don't like confrontation of any kind, but I would give them the opportunity to know that I am not amused with their attitude and behavior to me.  I have divorced my feelings from the situation so I haven't taken to heart what they have said to me personally, but I maintain my own professional decorum and let them know. Just me.

Now, onward and upward as they say. If you keep in mind that Nobody is Perfect, and that our mission in life is to try and seek out perfection one day at a time you might begin to see that you start actually thinking about things in a more positive way.  This is what I call a Positive Mental Attitude, I admit in myself that I know I am not perfect every morning, but that I am going to go out and find or seek perfection this day.  I am not going to be thinking about tomorrow, only today and that is my key to staying so positive. I don't let the cares and worries of tomorrow interfere, with how I am doing and feeling today, because I know that tomorrow is going to take care of itself when it gets here and that I have enough on my plate for today, that I don't have enough time to worry about anything more.

I also want to extend this type of thinking toward ourselves and those that interact with us, because my blog deals with inner reflection, the journey of self and the overcoming of our own personal issues. I try to make this blog understandable to everyone, I don't want to talk down to anyone. I want the stuff I write about to be easily read and comprehended by everyone, because believe it or not, I have lived through all of this and I am taking what I write about from my own personal experiences.  So with me re-iterating that lets move on to personal interactions and relationships.  Because here is where I find that we are always trying to find perfection. But, as I sit here I can tell you that no relationship, friendship or interaction is going to be perfect.  Because just like we are flawed so are those we have around us.  I find that I tend to gravitate toward those that are just as hurt and broken as I am.  I seem to find comfort in the companionship found in that group, and I also find that I can relate to their problems and concerns more easily. The difference is that I care about what they are going through and I am always eager to lend a shoulder for them to lean on or cry on which ever they need, and my ears are always open to listen to their problems.  Because I find that when I am listening to other peoples concerns and problems that I have some real advice that I can help them out with, and also it takes my mind off of my own problems for a short amount of time.  I also find that sometimes when I am helping them and listening to them, the answers to my own problems seem to pop right up and it makes it easier for me to try and cope with whatever I have going on at the time.

One thing that I have tended to notice when we are seeking potential mates we try to find someone that on some subconscious level reminds us of our father, or the father-figure we have had in our life.  When that happens we end up with the same problems and issues that we find with our own parents but on a more personal level.  I love the movie called "Straight Talk" which stars Dolly Parton and James Woods.  In the movie Dolly tells James Woods that the problem he has with his choice in women was that even though they all look different and are in different packages that they are all the same on the inside, "Corn Flakes".  This is a problem that afflicts most of us, the point that Dolly was trying to make is that we go for the same type of personalities, even though the person looks different on the outside, the inside remains the same.  It is an apt metaphor and one that we can all learn from. Because no matter what if we don't change our own inner perspective, and look past the outside of another person we are going to continually be involved with the same personality type.  We should know from past experiences that we don't socially get along with that type of person so we need to make the appropriate changes and look outside of our comfort zones.

Now, I want you to realize that this entry focus's on the idea that "Nobody is Perfect" or as I like to say "Pobody is Nerfect".  By that I mean everybody, ourselves included in that. So, as with anything else if we aren't perfect how can we expect someone else to be. For that matter, if we ourselves are flawed beings, doesn't it stand to reason that our relationships with others are going to be just as flawed as we are?  Yes it does!  The secret to all of this can be found in my journal entry on relationships "What it takes to make any type of relationship work".  But in a nutshell you need to accept the person for who they are, the good, the bad and the indifferent.  I know that sounds like something your mother would say, and something that is really hard to do in practice.  But here is the thing with that, you need to keep an open mind, you must be willing to change and be adaptable. Being set in your ways, being overly opinionated and nitpicky will not get you anywhere in your relationship.  Further, if there is something that bothers you about that person, you might want to try to work through it internally, and if you can't then move on, because if you try to get the person to change the habit or issue, which they may or may not be willing to do is going to cause problems in the long run.

I do understand that as a relationship grows and matures that each person makes sacrifices and subtle changes to accommodate their partner, however these are usually subconscious choices. If someone changes their whole life for you, leaves their friends and family behind because they want to be with you, and you continually push and drive them you are going to find yourself alone at the end because you have succeeded in pushing them away.  They begin to feel resentful thinking that everything they do for you is never good enough, and that you constantly want more and more, that you are never satisfied with anything.  Guess what they would be right on all of those things.  You have set your standards and expectations so high that no one could possibly live up to them. Adjust and refocus if they are really the person you are wanting to spend your life with.  Keep your drive and focus geared and set on your professional life and work especially hard not to let it interfere with your home life.  It is okay to be driven, unsatisfied and continue to want more in your professional life, that is called climbing the ladder seeking advancement, and it shows your employer that you are dedicated and ambitious, hungry and willing to do what is necessary to achieve the next level, but your partner isn't going to look at it the same way. Do not get caught up doing that to your partner, I had to find out the hard way, and it turns into a game to see who can outdo the other and in the long run, both of you get hurt, there is no winner and the relationship is going to be filled with regret, bitterness, resentments and unresolved anger.

It is important to recognize how you are handling your personal relationships, and act accordingly to ensure that the love that you feel is genuinely conveyed to your partner.  Strive to keep your home life and work life separated and while you might be ambitious and want growth, you can do it effectively if you include your partner and work together to achieve that next level as one. Ambition and motivation are great for the workplace, but in the home life, you want to make sure that it is inclusive and mutually beneficial to both of you or your relationship is going to suffer.  Always remember that your not perfect and neither is anyone else, and that the only way we can truly be happy is if we find it within ourselves, and when you do, it will carry over into everything you do.  Be content with what you have and happy with the things you have and you will see that your relationship will flourish and so will your professional life.

I want to leave you with my personal quote that is at the top of my resume: "All things are possible in this world if you only strive for perfection, one day at a time" - BrzII

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B