Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Gay Relationship are hard enough add distance to it and you got a mess

Now for those of my readers who are gay, you know that I am serious when I say that gay relationships are hard as it is.  But, when you add a long distance romance into the mix you can imagine how difficult that can be.  You often wonder what is happening on the other end.  Mainly because you feel dissociated, that personal connection you have with your partner is strained to the max.  Further, you have to have absolute trust in your partner.  Even the slightest doubt can cause major insecurities to blossom.  Further, as the miles and distance are major factors, you may also find yourselves faced with different time zones and other such impediments that at home relationships don't have to face.

There is also the longing and loneliness that you have to contend with, there is a yearning to be with that person and though it is impossible you try to think up ways of keeping the communication lines open.  You may try video chatting, messaging on Facebook, texting via cellphone, calling and a myriad of other methods to try to whittle the distance down.  I speak from personal experience, I am on a different time zone from my partner, and because of his medical condition and career, we are often unable to communicate.  It kills me when I don't hear from him for days on end.  I found out today that the reason why I haven't heard from him since Saturday was because he is sick and in a lot of pain.

The good thing about my relationship is that I don't have to worry about him cheating, because we have already been down that road.  We have had are party days and fooled around with a lot of people. I know for me that my health will not allow me to do that anymore, even if I wanted too. Further, I know that he isn't interested in anyone other than me. We both have been through an abusive relationship and won't tolerate letting ourselves get back into that type of situation.  Plus, our time together has made us stronger. We talk about everything and every decision. This is the key to any type of relationship.  As I have said before in my article about how to make any relationship work, you have to be flexible and have open lines of communication.  It is imperative that everything you do that affects your life you share with those you love and care about.  What I would love to tell you that as with pain and hurt that time makes it easier. But the truth is that in a long distance relationship time makes it harder to deal with. More and more feelings of dissociation and loneliness creep in.

I would ask you to ask yourself what could you do to bring the too of you closer, and I would challenge you to try and make it happen. Make yourself and your partner happy, close the distance and start over, because I am going to tell you that if you are separated any length of time you are going to have to start over, relearn everything about each other.  In doing so you need to keep an open mind and be flexible to change. As in my case I know that illness is what ended up separating us, and it is what is going to pull us back together. I know we have discussed me coming to where he is at, and then again we have talked about him coming to where I am at.  Which ever way it finally works out is going to be a blessing, because the truth of the matter is we really need each other. We feed off each other and we are actually the opposite of one another. In other words if we were a circle we would each be a half and when combined we would be a whole.

I have been feeling so lost and alone because I feel like a big part of me is missing.  I had fantasies of others and thought that I would explore other options, until the day that my partner and I finally started comparing notes and we realized that we really did love each other and didn't want to have anyone else our lives.  I am so very glad that he is in my life.  Even though we left Atlanta last year each of us going in separate directions we never truly ended the relationships that we had. So we decided that we were going to build on it and make it work even over the distances that separate us.

My hope is that if you are in a relationship, whether straight or gay, that you keep an open line of communication and endeavor to keep an open mind, stay flexible and open to change.  This will make being in a relationship that much easier.  Be willing to give 100 percent of yourself and demand a 100 percent in return. Keep in mind that you have to be willing to accept that no one is perfect...remember that in true love you accept the other person for who they are, all of them as a whole.  A complete package, the good the bad and the indifferent.  Long distance relationships are even tougher, but again I think that the key is talking and having an open communication line.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B