Friday, March 6, 2015

What is it I am searching for?

I guess I am just like everyone else I am in search of love.  But, through my journeys and travels I have begun to realize that Love is not something you find, it is something you give.  It is a wonderful feeling when it is returned willingly, and so very painful when it isn't.  I have read stories of unrequited love where one loves another, but the other is in love with someone else.  As with everything I have been writing to you about, you must start with yourself. You have to do some housecleaning and soul searching to bring yourself to a point of loving yourself, and then you will be capable of loving someone else.

I have been in relationships, some longer than others. Some where I stayed way too long and endured too much. Others where I didn't stay long enough or give the other person the chance they deserved, and those I am sorry for. I have freely given love and rarely had it returned in the same way.  I don't feel that anyone truly understands me or gets me, and that can be very frustrating.  What I desire is simple really, I don't think I am asking too much, or being demanding with what I desire.

So, in a nutshell here is what I desire, someone who gets me, understands where I am coming from and can stimulate my mind.  I want someone who is completely honest with me, no lies, hidden agendas, or half-truths.  I want nothing but the absolute truth no matter if it hurts or not.  I require someone to love me as much as I love them, someone who is willing to demonstrated it and prove it everyday like I am.  Someone who has my back, is my best friend and my confidante, someone I can depend on.  Someone who has similar goals as me and wants to help me build a legacy or future for ourselves.  A person who doesn't want anyone else but me.  I am their desire, the one that completes them and who completes me.

I feel that when you are in love the person you are with, they make you feel whole and when you are away from them you feel broken and weak. They complete you in every sense of the word.  Can finish your sentences, knows what you are thinking and feeling with just one look.  A person who finds me attractive and doesn't desire to look any further than me.  Someone who is strong enough for me to lean on when I am down or weak.  A person who isn't afraid to show me their feelings and talks to me about everything and doesn't mind crying on my shoulder and leaning on me for moral support.

Do you think that I am expecting too much?  Is there anyone out there that can fill this gap in my life.  Or is this just a pipe dream and a fantasy that I will never find.  I have been studying people today and everyone is looking for a leg up, an edge, they are looking for the next big thing to boost themselves up and who cares who they hurt along the way.  The younger generation is bold and thinks that somebody owes them something, and expect handouts and refuses to work hard for what they get.  Most wanna take the short cuts and do stupid things like sell drugs and scam other people.

I have always been attracted to the younger crowd, but I think my tastes are finally shifting and I can say that my preferences are loosening up a bit.  Seems I have been harsh in my judgments and have been unfair to some.  For that I want to apologize, I should have been more understanding and patient but I wasn't and I lost the person forever. They are now back with their ex and I am all alone.

Funny how life works, but here I thought I had given up on finding love and what am I doing I am writing about it.  I was resigned to spend the rest of my life alone and miserable.  I felt that no one would accept me with all my medical issues and other limitations that my illness has brought on me. Yet here I am this very evening opening myself back up and trying to start all over again.

Wish me luck and let me know if you see anyone out there that matches what I am looking for.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B