Okay folks I am going through a sticky patch at the moment with a friend and you know that I try to turn my frown upside down and stay positive. But hello my patience is being tried today honey honey, let me tell you. As I said in my last blog entry I have never been a good judge of character. However, I never expected to be summarily dismissed by this person ever. It was almost like he didn't want me with him at all today, he was very quiet and withdrawn all day. When I asked him about it he just said that he was down that life had gotten him down. To which my witty smart-ass reply is what the hell have you got to be down about you are free, and you have a place to stay, a vehicle to get you too and from places, food to eat, your family is here visiting you etc. I don't know and just the way that everything played out tonight almost felt staged, and when I tried to tell him how I was feeling he wanted to try and turn the tables on me.
Now I am the queen of turning tables baby, so that didn't go over very well and I am not sure if I will ever see this boy again. But, I am not understanding what there is to be so damn down about all the time. Rejoice and look at the mysteries and the wonders around you. See, spring in all it's vibrancy. Life has nothing but a fascinating dance of birth, life, death and rebirth that follows the seasons. Look at the oceans as the waves hit the sand. Look around you and rejoice in the sun. Hear a song on the wind. Hell I don't know, I don't stay down for long, and my ex-boyfriend Sterling broke me of letting the small things bother me. He used to tell me don't bring me those small things only bring me the big problems the small ones will handle themselves. Guess what he was right. Because I have since learned that I can let all things roll off of me like water off of a ducks back and I can see what I am up against and pick and chose my battles from what has collected at my feet.
I am not sure what he is trying to prove to me, maybe it's that he doesn't need me! or that I am cramping his style! or could it be that we are just smothering each other? I don't think so, I think it is more than all of that I think he was trying to prove something to himself and too his brother and he didn't want me to be a witness to it. I am almost sure that is what was going on. But the way that this situation was handled was exactly the opposite of how we had talked about handling things. Everything was going to be handled out in the open honestly. Meaning nothing hidden and no lies!
I am your friend, you have to hide nothing from me. I promise you I will not judge you, I will support your decisions whether they are good or bad, I will always speak my mind and let you know my opinions, whether you do as I suggest or not is up to you. I will always have your back, I will defend you, protect and do what I can to rescue you. All I ask from you is truth and respect. Because if you have those to things everything else will be there too.
You don't have to hide things from me because as your friend it hurts to be cut out and cut off. You should know that I want to be included in everything, I don't want to be the last one to know. I shoud probably be the first to know so I can tell you if you are wrong or not...LOL...
Why can't you understand any of this? Maybe you never had a friend like me before. Maybe you have spent too much time on your own and never had a real helping hand expecting nothing in return. Surprise guess what now you got it. Don't abuse it! When you take others for granted you are limiting yourself because you are going to quickly be standing alone and fending for yourself. If you abuse their feelings they won't care how you are feeling, so you will be crying all alone. Cherish others like you cherish yourself!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,