Folks how many of you are searching for something to change in your life? How many of you are looking for love? How many of you are looking for something but have no idea what it is? Just last week I told you what I was looking for. Those of you who have been reading my blog know that I have been searching for love in every conceivable place. I couldn't find it, and neither will you. Face it folk you and I have been looking in all the wrong places. The search for love must start within, no one else can give it to you, and it just isn't lying on the ground. Love is a very many splendid thing and if you don't love yourself you can't love anyone else.
Now, I have come to terms with myself, I have found my true self, the self that I gave away in my last relationship, the person that I used to be. I have the confidence and the courage to stand on my own. But I had to dig deep within myself, I had to be brutally honest with myself. No more excuses, no more rationalizations. I had to come clean with my fears, feelings, my desires and my wants. I needed to concentrate on all the things that mattered to me the most. You have to believe me when I tell you that healing comes from within. Forgiveness when given openly releases you from your pain and allows you to gain closure. You cannot hold any grudges in your heart. You have to surrender and let go of all of you, you can't do it piecemeal it is an all or nothing thing.
What I can tell you is that people who have known me for years had to take a second look at me, there is an air about me now that wasn't there before. I hold my head up with confidence, I am once again driven, I have revived my passions, and I have grown. I have to say thank you for those who are in my past, you have helped me grow and become the person that I am today, but change has come upon that person and has made something better than what was there before. I am whole again and I am so happy. I have a spirit of total love and compassion, take a good look at me because the person you see before you now is not the same person who was here before.
I was lost and wandering, I had little or no direction. I was on a path of destruction, I chose drugs to ease my pain and deal with my issues without acknowledging them. By doing so I had set myself up for failure, and came close to dying way too many times. Yet, the part of me that I have found again has given me a new resolve, and inner strength and peace that I cannot describe to you. I can tell you that I have never had a closer walk with God than I do right now. I can see things so clearly now that the haze and the smoke from self-pity and self destruction have cleared away. I have found that life is something that is worth living. I knew in my heart that I had a calling on Earth and a mission that God had planned for me. But I didn't know what it was or how to even find the path that I needed to be on. But something in my life changed recently and I have to tell you that my whole world was turned upside down but once it all started to settle everything was exactly where it needed to be.
Change is in the air and I keep telling people to expect it, but when it happens everyone seems to still be amazed when the change has come upon them. You have to understand that life is a cycle and what was will come again. None of us can run fast enough to escape the change that is coming. No matter what you do you will find yourself in the midst of it before you know what is happening. It moves as fast as the wind and will blow you over you are not going to even know when it is going to happen. As a race humans have a tendency to walk with their eyes downcast, and if you walk like that you miss all the things that are happening around you. If you are wearing blinders you can only see and face that which is directly in front of you you miss everything else that is happening around you. However, remove the blinders raise the head up and your heart will follow. I believe that when we remove the blinders and we start to look up at the sky we can see everything that is happening around us.
The Bible tells us to be of the world but not in the world, and I have been trying for years to balance that walk and be divine in my actions, more often that not I have been pulled into the world and started doing the drugs again. Yet, something is different this time and the temptation is gone. I know that now is the time that for me to start my work again, I don't think that their is a lure out there that would tempt me across that line again, especially since the last time that I tried to do any type of drug I got so sick that I thought I was going to die. It was recently too, and for that I am sorry. I have become my own man, and I think that now is the time for me to begin again.
So often times people look all over for different things, they look for love, friendship, relationships and hope in all the wrong places. It is often elusive and difficult and they loose hope and begin to despair. They forget that God is there and is watching over them. That He has a plan for them and their lives. But what is even more funny is that most of the time the exact thing we are looking and praying for have been given too us and we don't even recognize it. We are actually seeing it and don't realize that our prayer has been answered. So many times the things that we desire the most are right in front of our face and yet we miss it completely.
You don't know how many times I have been looking for a connection with someone, a closeness, a bond that I can't describe in full detail. But I know that things happen for a reason and I have to have faith that God has a plan for me. However, it is funny that I am writing about this today because as I was praying ove the weekend, a dawning realization came over me. I have had what I have been looking for in my life for a very long time and I never even knew it.
But as I posted on Facebook this morning God hears our prayers, sees our plight, knows what we are going through and what we desire. Our prayers are heard and answered on His timetable and not our own. He is never late you can bet on that, He is exactly on time. Just you wait and see. I think you will find that everything that I have said to you is absolute gospel. If it is His will it will be granted unto you when the time is right.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,