This month has been a trying and tiring month for me. I found out the hard way that the past comes back to haunt you when you least expect it. I started work in April for Spring Mobile an AT&T Authorized Retailer, things were going very good and I was really enjoying my job. I was being trained as an opener and closer for the two different stores. At one point it was even mentioned that I might be trained as an assistant manager. But during this time home life started to get a little complicated. My friend Travis's lover got really sick and ended up in ICU at Shands Hospital in Jacksonville, FL. I ended up having to take a couple of days off because at one point because Mario's dad flew in to see his son in the hospital.
Just a week ago, I went into work and was called into the office. The district manager came in and sat down and began talking to me. My background check came back with some issues that he wanted to address. I was told that there was a couple of items that showed up while GameStop was doing my background check. I knew immediately what they were talking about. For those of you that remember last summer back in July I got in trouble with a misdemeanor that ended up violating my probation that I was place on for cashing a bad check. Now, it was my understanding that when I appeared before Judge Case in Daytona that this matter was finished an over with. As a matter of fact I was sentenced to 60 days in Jail and upon completion was deemed non adjudicated. The district manager asked me for my side of the story, I explained it to him and was told that I needed to bring in the paperwork from the court showing the dispensation of the charges. I immediately called the public defenders office in Volusia County and within 15 minutes I was bringing them the paperwork that they had asked for.
The very first page showed the adjudication withheld status, but I was still told that I was going to be suspended till legal could look over the document and give the district manager their input as to whether or not the company was going to continue to utilize me. I was upset and frustrated by this decision because I think that it was totally unfair and with everything else that was happening in my life with my friend Travis's lover in the hospital I certainly felt that this was the worse possible timing that could have happened.
But the rub of the story is that I was off the entire weekend and when I was actually scheduled to work, and as I was getting ready to go back to work for the following Tuesday because I saw that my name was still on the schedule. I got a call from the store manager and was told that Spring Mobile had decided to part employment. I was very upset and sent a message to the district manager asking him to call me back and fill me in on the whole decision. He promptly returned my call, but explained that as far as he could tell from what the legal team was telling him was that I was incorrect in my assertion that adjudication was withheld. I was given a number to call and I called them immediately and launched an investigation and requested that more research be done on my behalf and asked for the decision be reversed.
I was told that the process would take about 2 weeks and that the employer would be notified, but here is what happened. I was removed from all the email and chat groups, and my work email was terminated immediately. I still haven't heard back from the investigator about what was happening with my request and here it is a week later and I am gainfully unemployed and have no real prospects of anything else.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you!
Uncle B
Showing posts with label deeds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deeds. Show all posts
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Friday, April 24, 2015
Unresolved feelings can lead to bitterness and resentment
We may have talked about this before, and if we did, I believe that it is time for a refresher. I went to my psychiatrist this morning and we talked about quite a few items. One was the fact that I am suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that I could use some more counseling to help me deal with the issues surrounding that. I also expressed to her that I had a desire to work on relationships, boundaries, and better interpersonal skills, specifically in the area of being a better judge of character.
During our conversation, we discussed the importance of forgiveness, and the releasing of our inner feelings. Because none of us is perfect and can never hope to achieve perfection, we have to settle for being just a work in progress. I mentioned to her that I learned over the past couple of years that forgiveness isn't for the other person it is for us. It gives us a sense of closure and helps us release the feelings that we had been harboring towards that person. Unresolved feelings that we harbor towards another can lead to resentment, anger and bitterness towards that person. If you cannot release and let go of what was bothering you, can you honestly move forward? Can you talk to the person civilly or will there be outburst of some sort?
I have learned over and over again that if you are wanting to change something you have to learn how to release the burdens, problems, pain and anger that might be holding you back. It is true that we all come with baggage, but how we cope with that baggage determines our ability to move forward. Remember that you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. Therefore, when you release the past you must release all the pent-up emotions that go with the incident. Yet, once again in order for you to achieve this you have to start with yourself.
All change must start with yourself, forgiveness starts from with-in, and if you don't release the feelings that reside in you at the same time, you could start to get bitter and develop resentment, which left unchecked could turn into hate. Like I discussed with you in another article bottling up your emotions causes undue stress in your life, You could blow up at the least little thing and at the wrong person. I also told you that it is impossible to move forward if we hold on to the baggage of the past. You cannot carry anything new if you have all the old stuff hanging around you.
Let me give you a real life example of what I am trying to explain to you about moving forward. Let's say you are on a date with someone. If you talk exclusively about your last relationship the person you on a date with probably will think that you aren't over your ex and aren't ready to move on. See, you haven't let go, or resolved your past, and therefore you cannot move forward, your hands are still full. Once you can find closure with the trauma of the past, you must still deal with the emotions that thinking about the issues bring up. If you don't you can never move past the place where you are at.
If you learn to let go of the small things and just focus on the big ones you might be able to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of life. No one said that it was going to be easy, that you wouldn't have to work hard to make it through? If you worry about every little thing that creeps up in your life you will never have the chance to move forward, and you will soon become frustrated and willing to give up and surrender, and my motto is never give up, never surrender! I also believe that we cherish and adore the things that we had to work the hardest for,
Remember that nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could. All this means is that without hard work and dedication nothing can be accomplished, because we have to put forth some type of effort in order for you to collect a return. The formula actually works out like this mathematically effort x work = positive return.
So my dear readers, you must let go of the past to take that step forward, and you must forgive those who have done you wrong and hurt you, you must forgive yourself and gain the closure you need to move on, and release those burdens of the past so that you can receive the new blessings that are coming your way. Remember you can't move forward with your hands full of your past deeds. Gaining the closure that you need to move on is the hardest thing in the world to achieve, however as I have found if you can forgive yourself and those around you that have caused you the pain, those cares and problems fall away like they never existed. A feeling of total peace will come over you and you will have the strength you need to move on.
Remember always that my hopes and dreams are with you, so take care of yourself and we will see each other on the flip side.
Uncle B
During our conversation, we discussed the importance of forgiveness, and the releasing of our inner feelings. Because none of us is perfect and can never hope to achieve perfection, we have to settle for being just a work in progress. I mentioned to her that I learned over the past couple of years that forgiveness isn't for the other person it is for us. It gives us a sense of closure and helps us release the feelings that we had been harboring towards that person. Unresolved feelings that we harbor towards another can lead to resentment, anger and bitterness towards that person. If you cannot release and let go of what was bothering you, can you honestly move forward? Can you talk to the person civilly or will there be outburst of some sort?
I have learned over and over again that if you are wanting to change something you have to learn how to release the burdens, problems, pain and anger that might be holding you back. It is true that we all come with baggage, but how we cope with that baggage determines our ability to move forward. Remember that you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. Therefore, when you release the past you must release all the pent-up emotions that go with the incident. Yet, once again in order for you to achieve this you have to start with yourself.
All change must start with yourself, forgiveness starts from with-in, and if you don't release the feelings that reside in you at the same time, you could start to get bitter and develop resentment, which left unchecked could turn into hate. Like I discussed with you in another article bottling up your emotions causes undue stress in your life, You could blow up at the least little thing and at the wrong person. I also told you that it is impossible to move forward if we hold on to the baggage of the past. You cannot carry anything new if you have all the old stuff hanging around you.
Let me give you a real life example of what I am trying to explain to you about moving forward. Let's say you are on a date with someone. If you talk exclusively about your last relationship the person you on a date with probably will think that you aren't over your ex and aren't ready to move on. See, you haven't let go, or resolved your past, and therefore you cannot move forward, your hands are still full. Once you can find closure with the trauma of the past, you must still deal with the emotions that thinking about the issues bring up. If you don't you can never move past the place where you are at.
If you learn to let go of the small things and just focus on the big ones you might be able to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of life. No one said that it was going to be easy, that you wouldn't have to work hard to make it through? If you worry about every little thing that creeps up in your life you will never have the chance to move forward, and you will soon become frustrated and willing to give up and surrender, and my motto is never give up, never surrender! I also believe that we cherish and adore the things that we had to work the hardest for,
Remember that nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could. All this means is that without hard work and dedication nothing can be accomplished, because we have to put forth some type of effort in order for you to collect a return. The formula actually works out like this mathematically effort x work = positive return.
So my dear readers, you must let go of the past to take that step forward, and you must forgive those who have done you wrong and hurt you, you must forgive yourself and gain the closure you need to move on, and release those burdens of the past so that you can receive the new blessings that are coming your way. Remember you can't move forward with your hands full of your past deeds. Gaining the closure that you need to move on is the hardest thing in the world to achieve, however as I have found if you can forgive yourself and those around you that have caused you the pain, those cares and problems fall away like they never existed. A feeling of total peace will come over you and you will have the strength you need to move on.
Remember always that my hopes and dreams are with you, so take care of yourself and we will see each other on the flip side.
Uncle B
Monday, December 3, 2012
How do you react?
How would you react if someone told you something about yourself or your partner that just plain hurt you? You don't know the whole situation or story, and the person might be lashing out at you or your partner because they have been hurt by your actions? Would you confront the person and try to get to the bottom of why they were telling you this information? Or would you wait to talk to your partner and see if any or all of it might be true? What if you are already having doubts and insecurities about yourself and the relationship? How would you react then? See something was said to me the other night that has been bothering me and I don't know what to do, or how to handle the situation. See, a part of me knows from the past that what was told to me could be true, but me and my partner have an agreement that situations like what was described to me wouldn't happen. Now, I know that the person who brought this up, was hurt by something that my partner did and so I am not sure if they weren't just lashing out and trying to hurt him. All I know for sure is that what was said was something that hurt me. Then to make matters worse, I haven't been able to talk to my partner about any of this. For the past two days he hasn't taken any of my calls, and when he finally did call, I asked him if he was some place private where he could talk, he told me that he would call me right back and then hung up.
All of these factors have me guessing as to what is really happening, and since my relationship is already strained because of the distance apart we are and the length of time we have been away from each other, it just makes all of this so much harder. Plus, there are a few other things that have been bothering me since before my birthday that I have been waiting to talk to him about. Unfortunately, I am a very social person and I don't do well on my own. I like being able to talk to him about my problems and issues, which is awesome that I have found someone that I can do that with. However, there are times like today when I wanted to talk to him, it seemed like it was an inconvenience and he had to go right away, and here I sit waiting for him to call back. I try my best to be patient, and also as supportive and understanding as I can be. However, he sometimes pushes me to the extreme limit of my endurance, which makes it doubly hard. We have tried to make sure that our relationship is solid enough that we can talk to each other about anything, and discuss it. We have never had a fight, and as far as I know there have been no secrets that we have kept from one another. When we first started dating we made a couple of promises to ourselves that we have worked hard to keep in place. Those would be, that we would never go to bed mad at one another, that we wouldn't like to one another, that we would always be upfront and frank about our intentions and discuss things that might be contrary to our normal relationship.
I can tell you that this year has put this to the test in many ways, and I think that he has done a pretty good job of living up to those promises. I also know that he would tell you that I have beyond a shadow of a doubt. I keep nothing secret from him and no matter how hurt I am, or how hurt he might be from a topic I eventually bring it too him. As far as I can tell he has been truthful with me about what he has been doing and who he has been hanging out with. It is hard because we are on opposite sides of the country, but we are doing our best to make it work. When I find it hard to cope with certain situations or when I don't have the ability to talk with him about things I come to you and talk to you guys about it. This sort of clears my mind and gives me a direction to go in. So it is rough and hurtful when someone inadvertently or even intentionally upsets that delicate balance. Now like I stated above, I know from our past, certain activities and things that he has been known to do and participate in, so what was said to me isn't outside the realm of possibilities. But, on the other side we have discussed these things and he has told me that he wasn't doing them, and that he felt guilty when he tried because I wasn't there with him. So you can see my concern and confusion. I love him so very much and I trust him, but the way the statements were delivered to me have given me pause and I would like to find out first hand from him exactly what he has been up too and put my fears and insecurities to rest.
I hope that he finds the time and energy to call me back so that I can finally put my mind to rest on this issue. Because let me tell you the past two days have been rough and all sorts of thoughts have been flying around in my head. My head tells me that he wouldn't hurt me intentionally like that, but my heart is telling me that it is possible, because it is certainly a way for him to make some money for him to come and see me while I am in California. But as I sit here and think about this, it really doesn't matter to me, because honestly there is nothing I can do about the situation from where I am at. It just hurts me that he didn't feel comfortable enough to confide in me in detail his plans so that I wouldn't be caught off guard and hurt like I was. Like I said the person who told me the details was hurt by something that he had done, and might have been lashing out trying to hurt him and I got caught in the crossfire.
Above all else I want him to know that I am here for him, that I care about him, and that I want him to tell me what he has going on so situations like this don't keep happening. It is when I am blindsided that I feel like an idiot and are hurt by the words of others. It is not like he is doing something wrong, however in a relationship those things should be discussed before they happen so that both parties are aware of the situation prior and can fend off the hurtful words and attacks by others.
I hope that he understands that no matter the outcome, my feelings aren't going to change about him, but I want him to confide in me, talk to me and tell me what his plans are before he does them. I am not one of those people that believes that you should beg for forgiveness instead of asking for permission. I would rather you give me the option to voice my concerns and opinions before the deed is actually done, versus being dismissed out of hand without any say in the situation until it is over and done with.
Remember that all relationships depend on and need open lines of communication, that there has to be a balance that is maintained and that you are absolutely honest with one another no matter the pain that is associated with it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
All of these factors have me guessing as to what is really happening, and since my relationship is already strained because of the distance apart we are and the length of time we have been away from each other, it just makes all of this so much harder. Plus, there are a few other things that have been bothering me since before my birthday that I have been waiting to talk to him about. Unfortunately, I am a very social person and I don't do well on my own. I like being able to talk to him about my problems and issues, which is awesome that I have found someone that I can do that with. However, there are times like today when I wanted to talk to him, it seemed like it was an inconvenience and he had to go right away, and here I sit waiting for him to call back. I try my best to be patient, and also as supportive and understanding as I can be. However, he sometimes pushes me to the extreme limit of my endurance, which makes it doubly hard. We have tried to make sure that our relationship is solid enough that we can talk to each other about anything, and discuss it. We have never had a fight, and as far as I know there have been no secrets that we have kept from one another. When we first started dating we made a couple of promises to ourselves that we have worked hard to keep in place. Those would be, that we would never go to bed mad at one another, that we wouldn't like to one another, that we would always be upfront and frank about our intentions and discuss things that might be contrary to our normal relationship.
I can tell you that this year has put this to the test in many ways, and I think that he has done a pretty good job of living up to those promises. I also know that he would tell you that I have beyond a shadow of a doubt. I keep nothing secret from him and no matter how hurt I am, or how hurt he might be from a topic I eventually bring it too him. As far as I can tell he has been truthful with me about what he has been doing and who he has been hanging out with. It is hard because we are on opposite sides of the country, but we are doing our best to make it work. When I find it hard to cope with certain situations or when I don't have the ability to talk with him about things I come to you and talk to you guys about it. This sort of clears my mind and gives me a direction to go in. So it is rough and hurtful when someone inadvertently or even intentionally upsets that delicate balance. Now like I stated above, I know from our past, certain activities and things that he has been known to do and participate in, so what was said to me isn't outside the realm of possibilities. But, on the other side we have discussed these things and he has told me that he wasn't doing them, and that he felt guilty when he tried because I wasn't there with him. So you can see my concern and confusion. I love him so very much and I trust him, but the way the statements were delivered to me have given me pause and I would like to find out first hand from him exactly what he has been up too and put my fears and insecurities to rest.
I hope that he finds the time and energy to call me back so that I can finally put my mind to rest on this issue. Because let me tell you the past two days have been rough and all sorts of thoughts have been flying around in my head. My head tells me that he wouldn't hurt me intentionally like that, but my heart is telling me that it is possible, because it is certainly a way for him to make some money for him to come and see me while I am in California. But as I sit here and think about this, it really doesn't matter to me, because honestly there is nothing I can do about the situation from where I am at. It just hurts me that he didn't feel comfortable enough to confide in me in detail his plans so that I wouldn't be caught off guard and hurt like I was. Like I said the person who told me the details was hurt by something that he had done, and might have been lashing out trying to hurt him and I got caught in the crossfire.
Above all else I want him to know that I am here for him, that I care about him, and that I want him to tell me what he has going on so situations like this don't keep happening. It is when I am blindsided that I feel like an idiot and are hurt by the words of others. It is not like he is doing something wrong, however in a relationship those things should be discussed before they happen so that both parties are aware of the situation prior and can fend off the hurtful words and attacks by others.
I hope that he understands that no matter the outcome, my feelings aren't going to change about him, but I want him to confide in me, talk to me and tell me what his plans are before he does them. I am not one of those people that believes that you should beg for forgiveness instead of asking for permission. I would rather you give me the option to voice my concerns and opinions before the deed is actually done, versus being dismissed out of hand without any say in the situation until it is over and done with.
Remember that all relationships depend on and need open lines of communication, that there has to be a balance that is maintained and that you are absolutely honest with one another no matter the pain that is associated with it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, December 2, 2012
The One That Got Away!
Over the past couple of days I have been thinking about my past, as my birthday neared, I took the time to stop and wonder what if? What might have been? What would be different? Plus a whole host of other questions that we are not supposed to ask ourselves. It has been my experience that the more we look back and ask these questions, the further it takes us from moving forward to the next phase of our lives. But sometimes circumstances arise that cause us to look at the past from a different perspective, see things a bit differently. See it is my contention that one reason why people tend to hold on to the past so tightly is because they glamorize what had happened, time and distance have lessened the pain, and we look backward with fondness. This makes it that much harder to accept the present, and the hardships that we are facing currently. We see that our problems are insurmountable and that we can't possibly over come them. It is our past that keeps us firmly rooted in place. The future is hard to imagine and if we can't see past our present problems how do we think that we can ever make it through to the future. Honestly, it is that type of thinking that will lead you back to the What if's, the Could have been's and all the other questions.
Each of us has had relationships in the past, but for some reason we have a tendency to compare our current relationship to those that have come before it. As I said we glamorize it and make it out to be better than it was. What we must keep in mind is that no two individuals are ever alike, and that in similar circumstances those same two people are going to react and handle the situation in a totally different manner. Now, what some of you may not realize, is that by constantly comparing your current to the past, it is keeping you from accepting the new relationship as it is being presented to you and you are alienating your current from committing to you, because they don't honestly think that they can compete or compare to your ex. So what tends to happen is that you end up pushing that person away, they are disillusioned from constantly hearing about your past and how perfect your relationship was. When the truth of the matter is that if your relationship from the past was so great then answer me this, why aren't you still with that person in the first place. What you have to remember is that the problems you faced and caused you to break up are still there, they haven't changed or gone away, you just don't feel the intense emotional and physical pain that you did when you were with that person.
I am sure some of you have found that out. You have gone back to the ex, and had expected that the person and the situation had changed, but the truth of the matter was the original reason why you two broke up is still there and will come back. All those petty annoyances that if taken individually would be acceptable, but when added together become something altogether different. See, each of those petty annoyances added together become a huge problem and you find that you cannot overcome it. Therefore the relationship once again suffers and you end up breaking up all over again. But what about the one that you didn't give the chance too? The one that you pushed away with your constant comparisons? What about him or her? Are you willing to go back and admit that you were wrong, that you were sorry that you didn't give them a chance or do you just walk away and try all over again? If you are like me in most cases you would walk away and try again, but what if you find out that the one that you let go, is the one that you really want, that they are the perfect compliment to you? What would you do then? Well, again, if you are like me you would do anything in your power to try and get back the one that got away.
Sometimes that isn't possible, sometimes there are circumstances and situations that are beyond your control. Other times it may not be the right time for the two of your to be together, so you have to wait. I have told one of my ex's that our story is not yet over, and I mean that with all of my heart. I think that somewhere in the future there is going to be a perfect time and place that is meant for just us and in that moment we will be united and get back together. Though as I have grown and matured, I have started to doubt that! We had our moment, and though there is some connection still between us and feelings that have not yet been resolved, we have proved that we can be great friends. See it has been a long while since we were together, and we did spend three years as a couple and during that time we both made some very bad mistakes, but at the end of it all we have come back together as friends. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I still love and care for him, I just am not sure that we will ever get back together. See, God has a funny way of making things like this work out in our daily lives. What if when I told him that our story wasn't finished, meant that the rest of our story was to be as best friends versus lovers? See, whatever the case maybe he has moved on and so have I.
I am not sure what the future holds for us right now, he is very ill and so am I. So does that mean that one day we are destined to be together again as boyfriends and lovers? Or does it mean that we are going to always be close friends and care about each other till the day we die? I can't answer those questions, but I do know that no matter what happens in my life or where I go from here, he will always be a part of me. The time that we spent together cannot be replaced by anyone and no one can take away the memories and adventures that we faced and overcame together. So what does this mean for my current relationship? Well, it means that I am not going to change anything, or spare my feelings, that I am not going to compare the two together because they are totally different. But it also means is that if my current and my ex can't get along then maybe they need to come to some sort of compromise for my sake. See the person that I am with now, was the person that I let get away from me once in the past, and though my feelings for him are very strong, I am beginning to understand that the person that I once knew may not be the person I am with today. See, just as I have grown and matured so has he, and the changes have been dramatic.
I cannot see the future, I do not pretend to know the Mind of God, and I wouldn't want to even if I could know. See, half of the fun of a relationship is the melding of the two individuals into a whole unit, it is the discovery and getting to know one another in a more intimate level that adds mystery and suspense to the equation and keeps us wanting to explore and learn more. Now, if at the end of my discovery phase I find that I cannot accept all of the things my partner does, I will at least have formed a lasting bond that will last till the end of my days. See, I know that I love the person I am with, but I also know that there are somethings that he does and has done that are not to my liking or taste, and if I am wanting to be with him, I have to come to grips with that and accept them as face value or I have to walk away. Believe it or not I am not sure which takes the stronger person, to accept, or walk away. What I do know is that as you grow and mature, and so do they, if your progress isn't on the same lines, then you might have to walk away, I wouldn't want you to compromise your morals or scruples just to stay with someone.
Now with that being said let me talk a little more about why I started mulling over the past as my birthday approached. See, it has become evident that though the partner I am with has told me the words, and has made promises, I am not 100 percent sure that he is keeping them or his promises. See, I know how hard it is to break free from addiction and a certain phone conversation brought home the point to me very well. He isn't at the same point I am emotionally or physically, he is still wanting to reach back into the past and do what we had promised each other we wouldn't. Now this is frightening to me, because he told me that he was past all of that, that he wasn't sleeping with others or doing drugs and here I find out that he might be anyway. His family certainly seems to think so, and then there are the days that go by when I can't reach him on the phone, his refusal to let anyone know that he is with me or dating me. On the list goes. See with my ex it was never an issue, he had no problem letting others know that we were together, and there really were no secrets between us, and I am afraid that I have walked right into a trap. That the cute words, the platitudes of love, are just that. So maybe the one that I let get away should have stayed away.
But the real reason why I have been thinking about those questions and words, is because I am getting older, I am no longer going to find it easy to find someone that can and will accept me with my limitations and physical deformities. Life just isn't as fair as it should be when it comes to love and relationships in the gay community. So, what if what I think is a relationship is nothing more than someone playing on my insecurities, and here I have taken what was said at face value and plunged right in headfirst. I have told you before that we truly never really know what is going on in the minds of others and that there is no way we can read their thoughts and know what is actually going on. So what I have been doing is looking at the past relationship that I was comfortable with that ended because of circumstances beyond my control and the one that I am currently in. I am doing what I told you not to do. I am comparing them, and trying to see if there is a pattern here that I should be aware of. Amazingly, I have to stick with my original assessment, though I love my ex very much, there doesn't seem to be much of a chance that him and I will get back together, and though I know that my current is out there doing whatever it is that he is doing, I have to trust that he is not lying to me and feeding me a bunch of lies to get to his own end.
So do me and yourself a favor, take the chance and the risk of going back after the one that you let get away. Who knows you may find yourself in a loving and productive relationship that makes you feel secure and safe. You owe it to yourself to take the chance, find out once and for all. Because you want to know something, whatever is lost can be found again and that also includes love! So, if like me you are going through it and aren't sure what the outcome is going to be, you can take comfort in the knowledge that you gave it a try and if it works great and if it doesn't "Oh Well" life goes on and you can try it again. Keep in mind that when you do go back, and if you cannot get past those things that caused you to break up in the first place that your relationship is going to be doomed to fail just as it did before. However, if you are truly willing to work and come to concessions and compromise on those things, maybe coming back together isn't so impossible after all. But you do owe it to yourself to see if the one that you let get away wasn't the one you were supposed to be with. You might just be surprised, they could be the one, or prove to you that the one in your past was the one. Only you can decide.
Now if you have gotten through all of this you might see the pattern of my thoughts as they emerged in this writing. See, my thoughts are cyclical here. I started out with my thought, went to the one that got away and eventually came back to the one that you left. So what is the right answer, only you can tell, but if you don't try you will never know for sure and those doubts might come back to bite you one day. I know that Sterling and I will always be friends, and I know by now that he knows where he stands in my heart and my life. But I also know that I am willing to give Kerry a chance and see what turns out to be the future, either he is telling the truth and really wants to be with me or he doesn't and time will be the deciding factor in this.
I keep telling you that time is short and you never know where you are going to end up or how much time you are going to have. So you owe it to yourself to try and find love, and be happy. You are the only one with the power to make you happy, so explore every relationship and learn, live and experience. Because when you finally do find your soul-mate you are going to know beyond a shadow of a doubt.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Each of us has had relationships in the past, but for some reason we have a tendency to compare our current relationship to those that have come before it. As I said we glamorize it and make it out to be better than it was. What we must keep in mind is that no two individuals are ever alike, and that in similar circumstances those same two people are going to react and handle the situation in a totally different manner. Now, what some of you may not realize, is that by constantly comparing your current to the past, it is keeping you from accepting the new relationship as it is being presented to you and you are alienating your current from committing to you, because they don't honestly think that they can compete or compare to your ex. So what tends to happen is that you end up pushing that person away, they are disillusioned from constantly hearing about your past and how perfect your relationship was. When the truth of the matter is that if your relationship from the past was so great then answer me this, why aren't you still with that person in the first place. What you have to remember is that the problems you faced and caused you to break up are still there, they haven't changed or gone away, you just don't feel the intense emotional and physical pain that you did when you were with that person.
I am sure some of you have found that out. You have gone back to the ex, and had expected that the person and the situation had changed, but the truth of the matter was the original reason why you two broke up is still there and will come back. All those petty annoyances that if taken individually would be acceptable, but when added together become something altogether different. See, each of those petty annoyances added together become a huge problem and you find that you cannot overcome it. Therefore the relationship once again suffers and you end up breaking up all over again. But what about the one that you didn't give the chance too? The one that you pushed away with your constant comparisons? What about him or her? Are you willing to go back and admit that you were wrong, that you were sorry that you didn't give them a chance or do you just walk away and try all over again? If you are like me in most cases you would walk away and try again, but what if you find out that the one that you let go, is the one that you really want, that they are the perfect compliment to you? What would you do then? Well, again, if you are like me you would do anything in your power to try and get back the one that got away.
Sometimes that isn't possible, sometimes there are circumstances and situations that are beyond your control. Other times it may not be the right time for the two of your to be together, so you have to wait. I have told one of my ex's that our story is not yet over, and I mean that with all of my heart. I think that somewhere in the future there is going to be a perfect time and place that is meant for just us and in that moment we will be united and get back together. Though as I have grown and matured, I have started to doubt that! We had our moment, and though there is some connection still between us and feelings that have not yet been resolved, we have proved that we can be great friends. See it has been a long while since we were together, and we did spend three years as a couple and during that time we both made some very bad mistakes, but at the end of it all we have come back together as friends. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I still love and care for him, I just am not sure that we will ever get back together. See, God has a funny way of making things like this work out in our daily lives. What if when I told him that our story wasn't finished, meant that the rest of our story was to be as best friends versus lovers? See, whatever the case maybe he has moved on and so have I.
I am not sure what the future holds for us right now, he is very ill and so am I. So does that mean that one day we are destined to be together again as boyfriends and lovers? Or does it mean that we are going to always be close friends and care about each other till the day we die? I can't answer those questions, but I do know that no matter what happens in my life or where I go from here, he will always be a part of me. The time that we spent together cannot be replaced by anyone and no one can take away the memories and adventures that we faced and overcame together. So what does this mean for my current relationship? Well, it means that I am not going to change anything, or spare my feelings, that I am not going to compare the two together because they are totally different. But it also means is that if my current and my ex can't get along then maybe they need to come to some sort of compromise for my sake. See the person that I am with now, was the person that I let get away from me once in the past, and though my feelings for him are very strong, I am beginning to understand that the person that I once knew may not be the person I am with today. See, just as I have grown and matured so has he, and the changes have been dramatic.
I cannot see the future, I do not pretend to know the Mind of God, and I wouldn't want to even if I could know. See, half of the fun of a relationship is the melding of the two individuals into a whole unit, it is the discovery and getting to know one another in a more intimate level that adds mystery and suspense to the equation and keeps us wanting to explore and learn more. Now, if at the end of my discovery phase I find that I cannot accept all of the things my partner does, I will at least have formed a lasting bond that will last till the end of my days. See, I know that I love the person I am with, but I also know that there are somethings that he does and has done that are not to my liking or taste, and if I am wanting to be with him, I have to come to grips with that and accept them as face value or I have to walk away. Believe it or not I am not sure which takes the stronger person, to accept, or walk away. What I do know is that as you grow and mature, and so do they, if your progress isn't on the same lines, then you might have to walk away, I wouldn't want you to compromise your morals or scruples just to stay with someone.
Now with that being said let me talk a little more about why I started mulling over the past as my birthday approached. See, it has become evident that though the partner I am with has told me the words, and has made promises, I am not 100 percent sure that he is keeping them or his promises. See, I know how hard it is to break free from addiction and a certain phone conversation brought home the point to me very well. He isn't at the same point I am emotionally or physically, he is still wanting to reach back into the past and do what we had promised each other we wouldn't. Now this is frightening to me, because he told me that he was past all of that, that he wasn't sleeping with others or doing drugs and here I find out that he might be anyway. His family certainly seems to think so, and then there are the days that go by when I can't reach him on the phone, his refusal to let anyone know that he is with me or dating me. On the list goes. See with my ex it was never an issue, he had no problem letting others know that we were together, and there really were no secrets between us, and I am afraid that I have walked right into a trap. That the cute words, the platitudes of love, are just that. So maybe the one that I let get away should have stayed away.
But the real reason why I have been thinking about those questions and words, is because I am getting older, I am no longer going to find it easy to find someone that can and will accept me with my limitations and physical deformities. Life just isn't as fair as it should be when it comes to love and relationships in the gay community. So, what if what I think is a relationship is nothing more than someone playing on my insecurities, and here I have taken what was said at face value and plunged right in headfirst. I have told you before that we truly never really know what is going on in the minds of others and that there is no way we can read their thoughts and know what is actually going on. So what I have been doing is looking at the past relationship that I was comfortable with that ended because of circumstances beyond my control and the one that I am currently in. I am doing what I told you not to do. I am comparing them, and trying to see if there is a pattern here that I should be aware of. Amazingly, I have to stick with my original assessment, though I love my ex very much, there doesn't seem to be much of a chance that him and I will get back together, and though I know that my current is out there doing whatever it is that he is doing, I have to trust that he is not lying to me and feeding me a bunch of lies to get to his own end.
So do me and yourself a favor, take the chance and the risk of going back after the one that you let get away. Who knows you may find yourself in a loving and productive relationship that makes you feel secure and safe. You owe it to yourself to take the chance, find out once and for all. Because you want to know something, whatever is lost can be found again and that also includes love! So, if like me you are going through it and aren't sure what the outcome is going to be, you can take comfort in the knowledge that you gave it a try and if it works great and if it doesn't "Oh Well" life goes on and you can try it again. Keep in mind that when you do go back, and if you cannot get past those things that caused you to break up in the first place that your relationship is going to be doomed to fail just as it did before. However, if you are truly willing to work and come to concessions and compromise on those things, maybe coming back together isn't so impossible after all. But you do owe it to yourself to see if the one that you let get away wasn't the one you were supposed to be with. You might just be surprised, they could be the one, or prove to you that the one in your past was the one. Only you can decide.
Now if you have gotten through all of this you might see the pattern of my thoughts as they emerged in this writing. See, my thoughts are cyclical here. I started out with my thought, went to the one that got away and eventually came back to the one that you left. So what is the right answer, only you can tell, but if you don't try you will never know for sure and those doubts might come back to bite you one day. I know that Sterling and I will always be friends, and I know by now that he knows where he stands in my heart and my life. But I also know that I am willing to give Kerry a chance and see what turns out to be the future, either he is telling the truth and really wants to be with me or he doesn't and time will be the deciding factor in this.
I keep telling you that time is short and you never know where you are going to end up or how much time you are going to have. So you owe it to yourself to try and find love, and be happy. You are the only one with the power to make you happy, so explore every relationship and learn, live and experience. Because when you finally do find your soul-mate you are going to know beyond a shadow of a doubt.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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