I was watching the second episode of Perception, a new series on TNT, this afternoon and the question was posed at the end of the program. "Can you actually change who you really are?" Now in the past we talked about the masks we where, and how we use them to shield and protect us from emotional hurt. These masks are what the world around us see's and perceives us to be. When we talked about them, I explored that a person doesn't actually change, they way we see them and interact with them does, as we relax and drop our masks. But the bigger question to me is can a person really change? Does the core value system of a person adapt and change over time? Two very separate questions and two different answers. But I honestly believe that change comes through our experience. But our core value system remains the same through-out our life time.
In all honesty, unless something major happens in a person's life there is very little change from the person they were in let's say high school and college. No matter what occupation, how many partners and how many times they move around. A person pretty much doesn't change. Change comes from the result of an action, accident or injury. A tragedy of some sort or trauma, that causes someone to reinvent themselves or to accommodate something. Change is driven by an outside force in almost all cases. Using myself as case in point, it took serious illness to motivate me to change my life, lifestyle, habits and of course how I looked at myself.
Not all change is for the better. Over the past twelve years I have changed a lot, grown a lot, and in some small ways matured a little. I can tell you that the first changes were not for the better, as a matter of fact they were driven by a deep abiding depression that lasted for years. Out of that depression came a self-crisis, loss of identity, direction, and ultimately a certain pattern for self-destruction, and that was to last for almost seven years. Only till more tragedy piled on top of what I was already facing, forced me to turn my gaze inside and do some really deep introspection. Change became necessary to accommodate physical limitations and damage done to my body. The specter of dying motivated me to seek answers and become more philosophical, spiritual and ultimately turn my life in a totally new direction.
Trauma, injury, illness are great motivators, they can be major or minor, but unless you experience one of them, I personally don't think that you can possibly change yourself. You aren't forced to reconcile yourself with the problems, you can avoid them, bury them and remain the same. However, when tragedy or one of the others strikes you and those you care about, change is forced upon you. You have to adapt to the new situation, you have to maybe compromise and look deep within yourself. You have to be brutally honest with yourself and those around you. You have to be looking to change and understand what motivates your wanting to change.
However, no matter how much you change aspects of your life, I believe that your core ideal stay the same. You are still going to be the loving, kind person that you were, looking to help others, like me. Or you are going to still be selfish, unfeeling, vindictive, but that might be the very aspect you want to change because your tragedy or trauma has pointed you to those exact flaws. It took me a while to understand and comprehend, a person cannot want to change and just do it. There has to be a driving force or action that has caused them to change.
A person who abuses women, hits them, looses his temper quickly and is violent. Is not going to feel remorse all of sudden for the actions that he has committed. What he does to one he will continue to do to others. Now if the same person found out that he was dying and had only a few months to live, the story might be different. He might realize that he doesn't want to be alone and fight by himself, that he needs others to support him and help him through his illness. Thus an impetus for change. Just like with a habit or an addiction, you might want to at times give up that which is holding you down, like a habit, but unless something moves you out of the situation you are in, I don't believe you yourself is going to be able to get out of the track you are in. No matter what your intentions, the habit has got you and is keeping you held in place. Even if you meet someone that cares for you and wants to help you get out of the situation you are in. Unless, you are willing to make the change and do something about it and seek help. That person is going to be powerless to help you and might even get hurt in the process of trying to help you out.
Now, lets take a person who has a serious drug habit, and develops a terminal illness because of that drug, would that person be able to change. No! they won't, they may even end up doing more because the drug helps them escape reality, avoid facing and confronting the issue of being ill. However, if the person is wanting to get off the drug, and finds out that they are terminally ill, they may be motivated to make the necessary steps to actually change. In my experience, I used to rationalize to myself that I was doing drugs to help with the pain. I used to say I was doing so I could enjoy having sex and a whole myriad of excuses. The truth was just that they were excuses and the drug was my crutch to help me keep from facing the facts that I was sick and that nothing was going to change my fate.
I will also admit that while I was on drugs, I still tried to help people, and myself, but usually I just made things worse for everyone involved. Because I didn't realize that my attempts to help were only reinforcing their need to use, just like me. I was actually enabling them. I wasn't helping them. It took a lot of prayer and wanting to change to get me out of the situations I had put myself into. I had to make major changes in both my mental outlook as well as my physical location, and I had to realize that by doing the drugs, I was helping my body to surrender to the illness, and I was actually killing myself. It also took another friend to point out to me that I was floating along listless without a sense of self or direction and that it wasn't like me.
As I am reading over this and forcing myself to look at the complexities of the situation I realize that I couldn't have changed if I hadn't realized there was a problem. I wouldn't have stopped doing what I was doing if I hadn't found out that I was going to die. So maybe the answer is when you hit the bottom and have nowhere else to turn, and you start looking at yourself and really become honest with yourself, that you can become motivated to change. Trust me it is hard and scary and most likely you are going to be on your own and alone when this happens, because everyone around you is going to be gone. You have either driven them away with your drug use or abuse, or you have isolated yourself off from everyone, or you have just fallen to the bottom and are clawing and scratching your way back up.
I believe that if you are honest and serious with yourself and you have come to your crossroad, either through tragedy, loss, trauma, or illness you can make the changes you need to escape and ultimately change everything about yourself. I also believe that the culmination of these events and things will help you re-evaluate your core value system and if properly motivated that too can change. They say an old dog can't learn new tricks, but given the right motivation, and inspiration, and lots of support and patience I believe it can. Just like I believe that each of us change and adapt to the situations we find ourselves in. Remember I keep telling over and over again that we are the sum of our experiences, tragedies, triumphs, and choices, decisions and the consequences of every action we take. If that is the case, then our person, personality and persona has to change and adapt each time. These are surface changes and they last and stay with us for awhile, but eventually we revert back to the way we were. It is only through immense emotional, physical trauma, or pain that we truly change.
Honestly, if you change for any other reason than because you had too. You are going to revert. See I had to change what I was doing, or I was going to die. I now have a fighting chance because I have made the changes. But while I was at it, I identified areas that needed improvement and work, and I set out to make those changes too. I decided that I was going for a whole person make over. I am still the loving, gentle, warm person who wants to help everyone, but I also saw how letting people walk on me and use me, manipulate me and ply me with drugs caused me to stay down. So, I decided to come clean and when I did, I found that by admitting and being honest with myself and you and everyone who knows me, that I was free. I also realized that I needed to look out for myself and take care of myself, and that if I didn't do these things no one else would.
I made a change for the better, I have readjusted my focus, and changed my perspective, and I honestly see and react to things much differently now then I did in my past. I have grown and I have matured yes. I have looked for the things that are harder to see, because I want to understand them and comprehend them. But I also changed how I think about things, I use PMA (positive mental attitude) to look at all things, and I put it on every morning. It is just a process of psyching oneself out and making a game out of finding the positive in all things.
I hope this finally makes sense to you. I know that it might be hard to follow my train of though because I jump from thought to thought and it seems like I might be contradicting myself. But I am not. I don't think a person really changes unless they are forced to by outside forces. I also believe that the core value of a person, essentially stays the same no matter how a person changes. Again, I think that outside forces and consequences can make a person totally change. So bottom line is this, no matter how much you try to change your core pulls you back to what you were. Unless you hit rock bottom, or are affected by a tragedy, trauma, or illness of some sort. When you come to the crossroad you will know and you will make the appropriate changes and adapt to the situation accordingly.
I would like to hear your thoughts and opinions about this subject. Feel free to drop me a line, post a comment, or even reach me on facebook or twitter.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label Cares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cares. Show all posts
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
So What? Who Cares? Get over it and move on!
It occurred to me yesterday that sometimes people hold a grudge, when an issue comes up they just cannot seem to let it go. I am serious, why hold a grudge? What does it accomplish? It keeps you angry and focused on whatever you perceive is an injury, insult or problem. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that you cannot change the past, what is done, is done! No matter how you try or how much you wish you could change it, the fact still remains: it happened and it is over, nothing you say or do can change that fact. No amount of rationalization, kidding yourself or even trying to convince others, of your point of view, the situation is going to remain the same. If you run around looking for someone to blame, what are you accomplishing? What you are actually doing is rubbing salt into an open wound, you are stirring up conflict and trouble and keeping the issue alive.
In simple wound care if you don't cleanse the wound and let it begin the healing process do you know what happens? I will tell you, an infection, and what happens when you get an infection, the whole body becomes endangered of becoming ill and possibly dying. The same is true with all other types of wounds. If you don't let them be, and you keep picking at them, they are going to get infected. When that happens the whole body becomes ill and in danger of weakening. A grudge, or perceived wrong, hurt of injury is also a type of wound. This is a wound to the spirit, and if you don't let it be, if you keep it alive, talking about it, moping, whining or even holding a grudge doesn't let the injury heal. Infection is inevitable and will surely invade every aspect of your life. Anger and hatred is the infection I am talking about in this case. Every relationship and aspect of your life will be colored and affected by this hatred and anger.
As I said earlier, there is no amount of talking or wheedling that is going to change the past, once something happens, it is done and cannot be undone. What I would like you to try and remember is that everybody makes mistakes, there is none of us perfect, and if we are expecting perfection we are going to be disappointed time after time and are not going to have any type of satisfying relationship. You cannot change the past, but you can and should learn from your mistakes. In my experience the only way we can truly learn and make changes in our life is to make mistakes and feel pain. Now I know life isn't fair and no one ever promised you a bed of roses. But what I do know is that we have many opportunities to turn things around. To make amends for the wrongs that we have done, and a lovely thing called karma evens the playing field for everyone. Have you ever hear the saying "What comes around, goes around"? Well that is karma in a nutshell, I find it best that if you live by the motto "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" it helps eliminate the pain and retribution of karma.
One thing you might not understand is that anger is an emotion that is more detrimental to you than any other. Anger can keep you locked into a rut and a pattern of behavior that is self-defeating. But if you keep in mind that each of us is only human, and that we all make mistakes, and learn to forgive the endless cycle can be broken. In my Facebook post I stated that to "err is human, to forgive divine and we all could stand to be a little more divine." I meant that, a grudge or anger at someone that has hurt you accomplishes nothing, if you forgive them and move on you are helping yourself and you are grounding out the negative emotion of anger and hatred and moving forward. Now, when talking about forgiving someone means just that, you let go of the hurt and you move forward, I am not saying forget, my advice here is to never forget, but to move on, trust is a commodity that can and must be earned.
I know when you are hurt and betrayed by someone that the trust you once had with that person is shredded and torn. If you always keep in mind what they had done in the past and be wary of it, you can ensure that it doesn't happen again. I honestly don't expect you to blindly trust that person again, and I would encourage you to make them work to earn your trust again. I promise you it is not going to be easy at all and depending upon the hurt you have sustained may take a lot of time till you are ready to do this. But the old adage "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is telling you exactly how to handle this type of hurt. I honestly know how hard it is to do what I am telling you to do. I have been there and in this type of situation many times. However, I am the type of person who gets mad for about 15 minutes of time, and when I have something to say I say it and get it out. Once it is out I am fine and I return to business as normal like nothing ever happened. Many people don't understand this, they cannot understand how or why I can do this. But no matter what happens I cannot stay angry for any length of time, and I have a very unique way of always looking for the good in every person and forgiving the bad, because I honestly believe that all people are basically good and they only do what they have too to survive. If I get hurt it is only because I was in the way of their plans or a hindrance of some kind.
No matter how much you care, or want to help others, you cannot help everyone, and you have to be careful because there are those out there that are going to use your kindness as a weakness and use it against you. There are those out there who are going to use you and get all they can out of you all the while proclaiming they are your friends. This is what I call a frienemy, they can be anyone, and they are around you always. You can find out more about them in my blog entry about frienemies...
So, here is the bottom line of what I am trying to tell you. Live your life for yourself. Make sure you do for you. Because you are the only one in most occasions that has your own best interests at heart. You may be lucky and find some one you can be with that shares common goals and dreams with you. Someone that is going to watch your back and protect you. However, in all honesty that is very rare, and super hard to find. If you do find someone like that I suggest you do whatever it takes to keep them in your life. Life is short, we all make mistakes, we are all prey to human nature and we will all follow what we know. Live each day like it is your last one. Take each moment and wring the most out of it, because we are not guaranteed another day. Celebrate living and life, and thank God each morning that you are alive to face another day. Keep in mind that each day is a new day, a clean slate if you will, there are no mistakes in it. So go out and screw it up and have some fun doing. Don't dwell on the past, learn from it and move on. When things get tough, turn that frown upside down and find something in it that is funny. Joke about the heavy things and make them lite, and be awed by the beauty and wonder that surrounds you. But most of all shrug off everything and keep on saying, "SO WHAT, WHO CARES? GET OVER IT!" Trust me when you can do that you will have a fruitful and happy existence, and the little things won't matter so much, and you will find that the large things start to take care of themselves, and all it takes is just a little attitude adjustment and the ability to smile. Because if you don't let things get to you, you won't be weighed down with them.
So please take my advice, it is freely given, and something so very easy to accomplish. Life is way to short to carry around grudges, resentments and hatred. There is so much out there to love and behold and do. So if you live every moment like it is your last one, and you practice my motto, you will see that nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things, because. SHIT JUST HAPPENS, and I honestly believe that Whatever is supposed to be will always find a way to happen. It is all up to us and how we look at it. Remember, we are not judge by how we fall or fail, but by how we handle that setback and defeat with grace, talent and ingenuity. Trust me the world will be a much better place and easier to live in if you can just remember my simple little phrase, So what, who cares? Get over it and move on.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
In simple wound care if you don't cleanse the wound and let it begin the healing process do you know what happens? I will tell you, an infection, and what happens when you get an infection, the whole body becomes endangered of becoming ill and possibly dying. The same is true with all other types of wounds. If you don't let them be, and you keep picking at them, they are going to get infected. When that happens the whole body becomes ill and in danger of weakening. A grudge, or perceived wrong, hurt of injury is also a type of wound. This is a wound to the spirit, and if you don't let it be, if you keep it alive, talking about it, moping, whining or even holding a grudge doesn't let the injury heal. Infection is inevitable and will surely invade every aspect of your life. Anger and hatred is the infection I am talking about in this case. Every relationship and aspect of your life will be colored and affected by this hatred and anger.
As I said earlier, there is no amount of talking or wheedling that is going to change the past, once something happens, it is done and cannot be undone. What I would like you to try and remember is that everybody makes mistakes, there is none of us perfect, and if we are expecting perfection we are going to be disappointed time after time and are not going to have any type of satisfying relationship. You cannot change the past, but you can and should learn from your mistakes. In my experience the only way we can truly learn and make changes in our life is to make mistakes and feel pain. Now I know life isn't fair and no one ever promised you a bed of roses. But what I do know is that we have many opportunities to turn things around. To make amends for the wrongs that we have done, and a lovely thing called karma evens the playing field for everyone. Have you ever hear the saying "What comes around, goes around"? Well that is karma in a nutshell, I find it best that if you live by the motto "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" it helps eliminate the pain and retribution of karma.
One thing you might not understand is that anger is an emotion that is more detrimental to you than any other. Anger can keep you locked into a rut and a pattern of behavior that is self-defeating. But if you keep in mind that each of us is only human, and that we all make mistakes, and learn to forgive the endless cycle can be broken. In my Facebook post I stated that to "err is human, to forgive divine and we all could stand to be a little more divine." I meant that, a grudge or anger at someone that has hurt you accomplishes nothing, if you forgive them and move on you are helping yourself and you are grounding out the negative emotion of anger and hatred and moving forward. Now, when talking about forgiving someone means just that, you let go of the hurt and you move forward, I am not saying forget, my advice here is to never forget, but to move on, trust is a commodity that can and must be earned.
I know when you are hurt and betrayed by someone that the trust you once had with that person is shredded and torn. If you always keep in mind what they had done in the past and be wary of it, you can ensure that it doesn't happen again. I honestly don't expect you to blindly trust that person again, and I would encourage you to make them work to earn your trust again. I promise you it is not going to be easy at all and depending upon the hurt you have sustained may take a lot of time till you are ready to do this. But the old adage "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" is telling you exactly how to handle this type of hurt. I honestly know how hard it is to do what I am telling you to do. I have been there and in this type of situation many times. However, I am the type of person who gets mad for about 15 minutes of time, and when I have something to say I say it and get it out. Once it is out I am fine and I return to business as normal like nothing ever happened. Many people don't understand this, they cannot understand how or why I can do this. But no matter what happens I cannot stay angry for any length of time, and I have a very unique way of always looking for the good in every person and forgiving the bad, because I honestly believe that all people are basically good and they only do what they have too to survive. If I get hurt it is only because I was in the way of their plans or a hindrance of some kind.
No matter how much you care, or want to help others, you cannot help everyone, and you have to be careful because there are those out there that are going to use your kindness as a weakness and use it against you. There are those out there who are going to use you and get all they can out of you all the while proclaiming they are your friends. This is what I call a frienemy, they can be anyone, and they are around you always. You can find out more about them in my blog entry about frienemies...
So, here is the bottom line of what I am trying to tell you. Live your life for yourself. Make sure you do for you. Because you are the only one in most occasions that has your own best interests at heart. You may be lucky and find some one you can be with that shares common goals and dreams with you. Someone that is going to watch your back and protect you. However, in all honesty that is very rare, and super hard to find. If you do find someone like that I suggest you do whatever it takes to keep them in your life. Life is short, we all make mistakes, we are all prey to human nature and we will all follow what we know. Live each day like it is your last one. Take each moment and wring the most out of it, because we are not guaranteed another day. Celebrate living and life, and thank God each morning that you are alive to face another day. Keep in mind that each day is a new day, a clean slate if you will, there are no mistakes in it. So go out and screw it up and have some fun doing. Don't dwell on the past, learn from it and move on. When things get tough, turn that frown upside down and find something in it that is funny. Joke about the heavy things and make them lite, and be awed by the beauty and wonder that surrounds you. But most of all shrug off everything and keep on saying, "SO WHAT, WHO CARES? GET OVER IT!" Trust me when you can do that you will have a fruitful and happy existence, and the little things won't matter so much, and you will find that the large things start to take care of themselves, and all it takes is just a little attitude adjustment and the ability to smile. Because if you don't let things get to you, you won't be weighed down with them.
So please take my advice, it is freely given, and something so very easy to accomplish. Life is way to short to carry around grudges, resentments and hatred. There is so much out there to love and behold and do. So if you live every moment like it is your last one, and you practice my motto, you will see that nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things, because. SHIT JUST HAPPENS, and I honestly believe that Whatever is supposed to be will always find a way to happen. It is all up to us and how we look at it. Remember, we are not judge by how we fall or fail, but by how we handle that setback and defeat with grace, talent and ingenuity. Trust me the world will be a much better place and easier to live in if you can just remember my simple little phrase, So what, who cares? Get over it and move on.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
Friday, July 6, 2012
You do realize that it is all up to you....Right?
Listen, we have been talking about life and the choices that we each make and how those choices and the consequences of them culminate in who we become. But have you really thought about what I have been trying to tell you? Do you realize that it is all up to you? There are always choices to be made and directions we must walk upon, but what you need to understand is that no matter what the situation or the choice that you have to make, it is how you look at the situation that makes the choice you choose so vitally important. This may be a hard for you to understand, but let me try and give you some examples to make it easier to understand. For this we are going to start with the choice I made when buying the scooter and the accident that followed and the hurt that I am going through now.
It would have been very easy for me to bemoan what happened to me and lament about the money lost and wasted on the scooter, and I could wallow in regret and self-pity, but what good would it have done. See, I knew the reasons behind why I bought the scooter even if no one else does, or agrees with them, it was still my decision and one that I feel comfortable with. Now I know that there is extensive damage to it and it might cost me more money to fix the thing then I actually paid for it, but that really doesn't bother me. See I chose to buy it for myself to give myself a little independence and self-reliance, enabling me to get around without having to depend or infringe upon another person. I hate, having to burden someone else to get what I need done, so this was a big step in the right direction for me and something I was comfortable with. I had no idea that I was going to get hit by a car, and I had no idea I was going to break my ankle, and just because those things happened doesn't mean that my decision was wrong.
As I was being carted off from the scene of the accident by ambulance I was joking with the paramedics and firefighters that arrived on the scene. This is my automatic defense mode that I take when I am hurting or when I feel regret or other useless emotions that would serve no better purpose, I make light of the situation and I feel better about what has happened. This has been a defense mechanism in my life since I was a child and it has served me well. One would think that it was just another way of avoidance, but you know what it actually does for me, it helps me look at and focus on the positive things in my life, it gives me the strength to stand in the face of impossible odds and beat them back. I could have looked at the wreck in several ways, and felt differently about it depending how I viewed the situation. But I chose to look at it from the funny point of view, and with my crude sense of humor you can just imagine. I told the paramedics, that after everything I have been through in the past couple of years with the cancer, the HIV, Hep C and Renal Disease and all the other things that are going wrong with my body that if someone was gunning for me and trying to kill me they were sure poor marksman, because they were getting everything around me but not me myself.
How we view a situation is just as important to how we deal with it as the situation itself. Because our perception of the situation and our outlook is going to determine how we feel about it in the long run, and how we are going to handle the fall out and repercussions of the actions we decide to take. Now, my father was against me getting the scooter, but his main argument was that I was never going to use it. Maybe I should have listened, because if I had I wouldn't have gotten hurt. But I believe whatever is meant to be is always going to find a way to happen, so if it wasn't an accident with a scooter, it would have been something else, and I would have still gotten hurt and broken my ankle. Plain and simple it was something that was in my path and something I am going to have to deal with an overcome. Now, the other way to look at this situation can be two-fold, see the Bible teaches that children are to obey their parents, and maybe just maybe I got hurt because I went against my father's wishes. However, I am not really inclined to believe that because my father never came out and said No don't buy it, he just kept saying I think you should reconsider, because I don't think you are ever going to use it.
No matter how the situation played out, I am not angry or disgruntled about the situation and I don't feel like I have wasted my money. I know it is going to cost more to get it fixed back up, and I realize that it wasn't my fault that I was hit by a car that never stopped. I was doing fine and would have been fine without that slight altercation of the cars front connecting with my rear. If you read my other blog entries about advice, you will note that I also learned some valuable lessons about riding a cycle, scooter or other 2 wheeled vehicle. You have to know what you are doing and wear the appropriate attire and foot gear, it is going to make all the difference in the world. I am also looking at this adventure in the light of nothing ventured nothing gained. I still own the scooter and yeah some repairs will have to be made before I can ride it again, but it is something I am willing to do, and if it isn't I still have the option of selling it off for parts. Since I have been injured, broken ankle, there is no rush to get the repairs done and I can take my time and customize it anyway I want to, personalize it if you will and truly make it my own.
Overall, I believe that everyone needs to take a step back from every situation, encounter, or problem and evaluate it, divorce yourself from the emotions evoked by it and really look at it. You need to be open and objective, and find the positive in it. Work your way out from there with a solution and I guaranty you won't go wrong or feel bad about the decision you made. In all things that we have been given by God the most important is "Free Will" the right to choose. Our right to make our own choices, but along with that privileged comes the responsibility of facing the consequences. We have to be strong enough and man enough to know that when we make a mistake we have to pay the piper, just like when we make good choices and decisions we get to reap the reward. All I am wanting you to understand and realize from this blog entry is that if you come at any situation with a positive outlook and unfailing faith you are going to be alright. You are making the right choice for you, and believe it or not, no matter what anyone else says, you are the only one that can do that for you. So can't you see that it does come down to just you. That no matter what you do, how you do, and the path you take to get there, those are all choices you can make for yourself. No one else can make them for you, because if they try it isn't going to work out. You are the only one that knows your heart and mind and can make the perfect decisions for yourself.
Hold your head up high and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is always with you, He has your best interests at heart and He knows what you can handle and can endure and will never allow anything you can't handle to come your way. You have angels all around you day and night watching over you, reporting on you and keeping you safe. Like I said I could have been killed in the accident that happened on Tuesday and the worse that did happen was a broken ankle. I know that I am blessed and protected, and I know that you are too. Have some faith and you will see. You are never tested or tried beyond your endurance. Don't just take my word for it. Try it out you will see, and you can find that and so much more in God's word the Bible.
I hope you all have a great weekend and start looking at the bright side of things, it is going to make accepting them so much easier, and when you can do that you can weather any storm because you have the knowledge that you did what you needed to do to look out for you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
It would have been very easy for me to bemoan what happened to me and lament about the money lost and wasted on the scooter, and I could wallow in regret and self-pity, but what good would it have done. See, I knew the reasons behind why I bought the scooter even if no one else does, or agrees with them, it was still my decision and one that I feel comfortable with. Now I know that there is extensive damage to it and it might cost me more money to fix the thing then I actually paid for it, but that really doesn't bother me. See I chose to buy it for myself to give myself a little independence and self-reliance, enabling me to get around without having to depend or infringe upon another person. I hate, having to burden someone else to get what I need done, so this was a big step in the right direction for me and something I was comfortable with. I had no idea that I was going to get hit by a car, and I had no idea I was going to break my ankle, and just because those things happened doesn't mean that my decision was wrong.
As I was being carted off from the scene of the accident by ambulance I was joking with the paramedics and firefighters that arrived on the scene. This is my automatic defense mode that I take when I am hurting or when I feel regret or other useless emotions that would serve no better purpose, I make light of the situation and I feel better about what has happened. This has been a defense mechanism in my life since I was a child and it has served me well. One would think that it was just another way of avoidance, but you know what it actually does for me, it helps me look at and focus on the positive things in my life, it gives me the strength to stand in the face of impossible odds and beat them back. I could have looked at the wreck in several ways, and felt differently about it depending how I viewed the situation. But I chose to look at it from the funny point of view, and with my crude sense of humor you can just imagine. I told the paramedics, that after everything I have been through in the past couple of years with the cancer, the HIV, Hep C and Renal Disease and all the other things that are going wrong with my body that if someone was gunning for me and trying to kill me they were sure poor marksman, because they were getting everything around me but not me myself.
How we view a situation is just as important to how we deal with it as the situation itself. Because our perception of the situation and our outlook is going to determine how we feel about it in the long run, and how we are going to handle the fall out and repercussions of the actions we decide to take. Now, my father was against me getting the scooter, but his main argument was that I was never going to use it. Maybe I should have listened, because if I had I wouldn't have gotten hurt. But I believe whatever is meant to be is always going to find a way to happen, so if it wasn't an accident with a scooter, it would have been something else, and I would have still gotten hurt and broken my ankle. Plain and simple it was something that was in my path and something I am going to have to deal with an overcome. Now, the other way to look at this situation can be two-fold, see the Bible teaches that children are to obey their parents, and maybe just maybe I got hurt because I went against my father's wishes. However, I am not really inclined to believe that because my father never came out and said No don't buy it, he just kept saying I think you should reconsider, because I don't think you are ever going to use it.
No matter how the situation played out, I am not angry or disgruntled about the situation and I don't feel like I have wasted my money. I know it is going to cost more to get it fixed back up, and I realize that it wasn't my fault that I was hit by a car that never stopped. I was doing fine and would have been fine without that slight altercation of the cars front connecting with my rear. If you read my other blog entries about advice, you will note that I also learned some valuable lessons about riding a cycle, scooter or other 2 wheeled vehicle. You have to know what you are doing and wear the appropriate attire and foot gear, it is going to make all the difference in the world. I am also looking at this adventure in the light of nothing ventured nothing gained. I still own the scooter and yeah some repairs will have to be made before I can ride it again, but it is something I am willing to do, and if it isn't I still have the option of selling it off for parts. Since I have been injured, broken ankle, there is no rush to get the repairs done and I can take my time and customize it anyway I want to, personalize it if you will and truly make it my own.
Overall, I believe that everyone needs to take a step back from every situation, encounter, or problem and evaluate it, divorce yourself from the emotions evoked by it and really look at it. You need to be open and objective, and find the positive in it. Work your way out from there with a solution and I guaranty you won't go wrong or feel bad about the decision you made. In all things that we have been given by God the most important is "Free Will" the right to choose. Our right to make our own choices, but along with that privileged comes the responsibility of facing the consequences. We have to be strong enough and man enough to know that when we make a mistake we have to pay the piper, just like when we make good choices and decisions we get to reap the reward. All I am wanting you to understand and realize from this blog entry is that if you come at any situation with a positive outlook and unfailing faith you are going to be alright. You are making the right choice for you, and believe it or not, no matter what anyone else says, you are the only one that can do that for you. So can't you see that it does come down to just you. That no matter what you do, how you do, and the path you take to get there, those are all choices you can make for yourself. No one else can make them for you, because if they try it isn't going to work out. You are the only one that knows your heart and mind and can make the perfect decisions for yourself.
Hold your head up high and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is always with you, He has your best interests at heart and He knows what you can handle and can endure and will never allow anything you can't handle to come your way. You have angels all around you day and night watching over you, reporting on you and keeping you safe. Like I said I could have been killed in the accident that happened on Tuesday and the worse that did happen was a broken ankle. I know that I am blessed and protected, and I know that you are too. Have some faith and you will see. You are never tested or tried beyond your endurance. Don't just take my word for it. Try it out you will see, and you can find that and so much more in God's word the Bible.
I hope you all have a great weekend and start looking at the bright side of things, it is going to make accepting them so much easier, and when you can do that you can weather any storm because you have the knowledge that you did what you needed to do to look out for you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
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