Now you might think that I am totally crazy by saying that, but it is honestly true, there are people out there in this great big blue world who know of me, they think they know me, but have heard some half truth messed up version of the real person. I am here to tell you that I am here, you want to know something come to me. Don't think or assume you know anyone by listening to another persons story. All of us are smart enough to realize that to every story there are two different sides, there are two different versions and if you go all the way back to 2013 and read some of my blog entries you can find out how two people living in the same roof can have really different stories. But, woe unto you if you listen to one person's story and do not corroborate it with the other person, because eventually you are going to find out that what you think you know may not be real or even the truth to begin with.
As many of you who have followed my adventures from the beginning and are still hanging with me after all this time you know that I am as honest as it comes on my blog, I find it stupid as hell to lie about what I have gone through, because I know that there are others out there that are going through situations that are similar to what I have gone through or what I am currently going through. So, as I sit and write I am thinking about those poor unfortunate souls who have made judgements about me and have never even met me, all because someone wants to run around and tell a half ass lie. Now, mind you this is not a reflection on me, I have made no such judgements because in some cases I haven't even known about you.
Now, as sick as I have been I have been going it alone, the people who have told me and promised me that they would be at my side during all of this are all gone, and why because they honestly cannot leave the drugs and sex alone, they think that the few minutes of gratification they are feeling when hi is love, but alas how wrong they are. The person who loves you is there for you no matter what through the ups and downs the richer, the poorer and believe it or not when health issues arise.
For years I thought i was building a home for me and my man, and I put every effort into it, and all he would do was get high, and when he came down he would come back and beg forgiveness. I still have the letters that the man wrote too me from jail asking me to spend the rest of my life with him and to please not leave him, that he was sorry for the way he treated me. Now, I come to find out that he is still doing the same things. Lying to people trying to tell them that we weren't together, and that the life I had built for us was nothing. My friend Johnathan told me today that is like going out and telling people that you have never had a blessing.
Keep in mind that the entire time Kerry and I were together he never had to work a day, everything he wanted and needed was provided for by me. Even now when he is hurting and needs money it is to Bryan that he comes. Yet, today I found out through Facebook that he had been dating and seeing someone else. That is cool to certain degree, but when I asked him if he was with someone he would tell me know and he went to great lengths to keep his relationship with this other person a total secret. Yet, why come back to me, why tell me that you miss me and want to come back to Florida? Why several months ago before I got totally messed up physically and ended up in the hospital did he tell me that we weren't broken up we were just separated? None of this makes sense to me.
But as fate would have it, things that are hidden in the dark and secrets kept in shadow are revealed in the light and truth has a way of coming to the surface when we least want it too. Which is why I try very hard to live without lies. But the little casual conversation that I had today with someone in Atlanta, the truth came out in spades. How, I had been denied just like Jesus by Peter. Kerry had told his new friends and partner that he was never with me, that we weren't in a relationship. Now, the truth has been revealed and now the world knows the liar that has been my partner and boyfriend for the past 6 years. I didn't need to do anything for this to come to my door. I was at home minding my own business and taking care of myself when this information was shared with me. But what a surprise it was because now I know 3 more people today than I did yesterday. Yet, every single person knew about me, but what they knew was not the truth and it makes me wonder what Kerry was thinking by telling people these lies. He had to have known that sooner or later the lies would catch up with him like they have always done. No matter how hard he has tried to keep the truth from me in the past it has always come to the fore and been revealed so why wouldn't his actions of late?
Yet, it is not me that I am worried about because I have dealt with this often enough over the past 6 1/2 years, I know Kerry for the person that he is. I know him and his lies all too well, and I have heard them all before. Who I fear for and worry about is Kerry himself, and those others that he has used, abused and messed with their emotions. Because the one thing I have learned is that a wounded person reacts with violence and pain in retribution. I cannot be hurt by his nonsense anymore because I have removed myself from the equation back in March when Kerry left me hi and dry and went back to Atlanta in the first place. I refuse to put myself back in the same situation that I was in before. Kerry needs some help and needs to stop lying to himself and others. But, what Kerry does people don't understand he will tell everyone around him exactly what he thinks that they want to hear. He is a very convincing liar, but he doesn't change and continues to do the same things over and over again.
These other people whose lives he is messing with and fucking up emotionally and mentally and this is going to get him hurt one day. It may not be today but it is coming and I can see it and so can those that care to stand with me. But, as it turned out I think that today has led me to two new people that if cultivated right can grow into a lasting friendship. So as you can see conversations and events can bring you to know people you never knew but who knew about you.
Life with Kerry was never easy and his addictions made it even more difficult. But I have been there through it all and I have tried and wanted to get him help time and again, but everytime he would back out. Kerry tried to tell me that he was done with the drugs, that he had turned his life around that he was getting on some medication for his bi-polar disorder, but non of that was true. When Sterling told me that Kerry was still getting high, I confronted Kerry and was told simply to believe what I wanted to believe, but today the light revealed that once again Kerry was lying not only to me but to all of us that are around him. I am indeed hurt that while I was in the hospital left to rot, Kerry would simply send me to voice mail because he was with his new friend and couldn't be concerned or bothered with what was happening with me.
You don't know how many times Kerry promised to go to counselling with me and get our relationship straight, how he wrote to me from jail in Ft Lauderdale begging me to stay with him, that he had changed and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. However, when he got home I found out that he had met someone in jail and was in a supposed relationship with him and here I was paying $50.00 a day to put money on the phone so he could call me and that is not counting all the money that I put on his books. All, the time he is on the phone telling me how much he missed me and loved me and here he was with someone else in jail.
I don't think I will ever understand his mentality but I do know that he seriously needs help. But, I am thankful that 2 people that I didn't know reached out today and touched me, talked to me and helped me see the man(?) or child that I thought I knew. I know from all the time I have been with him that he has a progressive problem that the seizures he experiences are causing him to revert back to a teenager, but when I was in my late teens and early 20's I knew exactly what I wanted and I went out and got it. I stopped living my life on my own terms because I devoted myself to someone that doesn't even have the courtesy and respect to even admit that he was in a relationship with me. How stupid I feel and how cheated and used I feel, because you know I passed up on some really good people that came and went through my life that could have loved me and I them to stay with the one that didn't give a damn.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I am thankful for the new individuals in my life that brought me light, truth and confirmation of all that I knew but was too afraid to admit to myself.
Thank you for your help guys.
-As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
B
Showing posts with label used. Show all posts
Showing posts with label used. Show all posts
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Thursday, November 15, 2012
What Have I Done? Captain-Save-a-Ho is Gone
A couple of weeks ago I talked to you about when is it going to be my turn. When am I going to find someone that puts me first, puts my needs and wants before their own, and when am I going to have someone that I can depend on? For the answer to that my friends it has become evident that I am going to have to change something about myself. Do something about who and what others think and perceive me to be. As sad as this might sound, I think I am the one that has caused others to see me as a person they can rely on, they can depend on me, and I am always going to be there to bail them out of every situation that they get themselves into. I must have really done a number on myself and these individuals over time to have them, honestly think that I can always at the drop of a hat, reach out my hand and lift them back out of the situations they have gotten themselves into.
What prompted me in the first place to explore this situation is, it seems like every single person that I consider a friend has always come to me and asked me to bail them out, help them with this bill, or that bill, can I buy them a ticket to come see me, etc. Can I buy them a cell phone, or pay their cell phone bill, help them with cigarette money, or pocket cash. Whatever the case maybe there are numerous people that I know that hit me up for money all the time. The problem with that is I don't have the funds or the resources to help these individuals anymore. I am out on my own for the first time in 25 years, and I am alone, I am not with someone that is covering half of the bills. This is Bryan and Bryan alone in this world trying to make ends meet just like everyone else today, in an economy that is pretty heavily messed up. There are hundreds of unemployed people in the world, money is tight all over, and there are more and more people on the streets. I wish that there was something I could. A magic wand I could wave and rescue these people from themselves and the financial crisis they find themselves in. But the honest truth is, my hands are tied. I don't have the liquid cash like I used to have, I don't have a partner with me who makes as much money as I do footing half of the bills like I had for the last quarter of a century. It is just me folks. I wish I still had the job making a 100k or more a year and had excess that I could help you every time you need me. But the truth is, I make less that 25k now a year and I am struggling to make ends meet myself.
Some of you who have known me for years know that I have always been there to help everyone I could. I came running anytime I had a friend in need. Guess what those days are over! Captain Save-a-Ho is gone. He is dead and buried along with my old life and old career. I am not rich anymore, I am just like everyone else today. What is even more sad is that I thought some of you cared about me, that we were friends and that we had each other's backs, but the truth of the matter is the only time you think about me or call me or want to be around me is when you think I am going to be able to help you out. Well, sorry to disappoint but helping out is a two-way street. How many of you are there when I need a helping hand? How many of you are there when my car is in the shop? How many of you were there when I was living on the streets and needed a place to stay? Not many I will tell you that. Those of you that were are expecting something back in return and now that there isn't any drugs or money to be had you don't want nothing to do with me. Then there are others that think because we helped each other out of situations in the past that you are owed something, and maybe you are right, but guess what the time isn't right and neither are the funds.
My mother used to have a poster up at her desk at work that used to say "Lack of planning on your part, doesn't constitute an emergency on my part". This is the honest to God truth, you have been making without me, been doing alright for yourself too I guess, because I haven't heard from you till now. Then all of a sudden you hit me up telling me that you think I need to send you some money because you need help paying for your room and stuff, yet you are playing on the computer, doing other things with your life, like getting high and wasting all of your money on extras, now you expect me to come and pick you up. You haven't even asked what is going on in my life, you just turn to me and want. You are offering nothing back in return. You say you miss me and that you care about me, but the only time I hear from you is when you need or want something and you want me to provide it for you and make it happen. Like I don't have expenses and bills of my own, that I am struggling, that I may not have food enough to eat, or I am not sitting around wondering how I am going to pay the electric bill to keep my power on, or get my car out of the shop.
See the problem is you are still in that world of drugs and alcohol, you are only thinking about yourself and your next move, and your own habits and needs. You don't ever think about the other person that you are talking too. You say you care, but what you are actually saying is you care about yourself and what you think I can do for you. You miss me being around so that you have someone to help you and you can rely on. It isn't me the person who you really care about, because honestly it could be anyone that has the resources you need. It isn't about me at all it is always about you. That is not what I need or want in my life. It should be about us, and what we can do for each other. I was in your world once, there for a long time and I understand about running game and playing people. I see where you head is at, and I am sorry but I am not there anymore, I have outgrown that life and I have moved on. I guess that also means I have outgrown you. See I was the fool because I lied to myself and believed that you cared about me. I fooled myself thinking that I was important to you, and in a small way I was. I was someone who you could use to get what you wanted or needed at the moment, I had the connections, the transportation, and I had the means. But guess what I don't want to be in that world any more. I have become so much more than I was. I have learned things about myself that have made me stronger. They have given me the strength I need to see this for what it truly is. The light that I have received has opened my eyes to you and your situation. I understand now that you are where you at because you choose to be there. You don't have to stay there, but you want to be there. Because of this I can't help you anymore. I now see that you have no interest in me, you have an interest in what you think I might be able to do for you.
I have set myself up for failure with you, I told you everything you needed to know to victimize me. I thought I was helping you, that you needed me and here what I did was give myself a false sense of intimacy, a feeling that I was needed by you. Which in turn enabled you to use me. I made myself into a hero swooping in the last minute to always rescue you, and fooled myself into thinking I was needed by you and wanted by you. In the end you took me for granted and you used me for whatever you could. I stayed in that situation till it hurt or you bled me dry. But see my eyes are open, I am sober and you are not, you feign that I have slighted you and cheated you, and my sense of morality makes me feel guilty when I tell you I can't help you. You get angry and swear at me and treat me like you treat others without respect or dignity. Guess what my friend you truly aren't a friend of mine at all. I know I have allowed myself to be seen by you as something that I am not. More than I want to be, and I guess it is time for you to finally face reality, I am not the one who is going to reach out and rescue you once again. Our time is over my friend I have done for you all that I intend too. Besides, I can't honestly help you when I can't even help myself at this point in my own life.
I am doing something that you would never consider, I am working on making myself a better person, changing my life because if I don't I am destined to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. So say farewell to Captain-Save-a-Ho he is gone and never to return. If you want to be my friend you have to show me that you care about me. You have to be willing to work with me and not against me. You have to be able to show me that you have changed and that you want to be around me. You call me during the good times and the bad, that you aren't always asking me for handouts, and you are there for me when I need help. You offer assistance even before it is needed. Because believe me that is what friendship is all about. If I only hear from you when you need something, trust me I am now always going to answer NO, I cannot help you. It is my turn to live, it is my turn to repair my own life, and I can't do that if I am helping you fix your immediate problem or situation. You are taking too much from me and giving nothing back in return. You are not a friend at all. The feelings you have professed to me are nothing more than a pipe dream.
Prove to me that you have changed. Show to me that I am the number one priority in your life, and then maybe we can talk. I have someone, and you did your best to try and break me apart from him, and guess what you failed. Your true colors keep coming back around. The mood swings and the angry messages. You again, didn't even wait to see what was going on in my life, you just immediately assumed that I would have the resources to help you. You of course were high and probably don't even remember what you said. But I do, and I am sorry but again this is goodbye.
Take care my friend you will not be hearing from me again, but I am sure you will try and contact me. Wishing and hoping I will still be there for you. Once you did have my heart, but you proved over and over again how all you ever want or need is money out of me. I am so much more than you can see. I wish you would take off that drug induced haze and see who I really am, because I am so much more than you give me credit for. We could have helped one another, been something to each other, but you threw it away. You almost had me convinced that I was in love with the wrong man. You tried to tell me things to make me like him less and you more. But what you failed to realize I was always there and I know both of you and what you do and did. I am smarter now, and I am not some stupid kid. You are in your 20's and I am in my 40's. I played those games with others when I was your age, they haven't actually changed much. But see I have. If I were still doing the drugs you attempts might have worked, but see I know you T and I also know K, and I have been with K for a long time, I know him better than he knows himself and we have given up that stuff that you are smoking and doing.
I truly wish I could help you, but I am sorry what you said last night just throw me over the edge. You really think I don't know what K used to be? Over five years I have known that man, was with him and W, and watched how that turned out. I know he isn't going to do those things to me, been there, seen it, wrote the book, and I am still here. I am the one that stuck with him through it all, and if you think that is weakness than you are a bigger fool than I thought. Tricks, lies and games are all you have, I should have known it from the start. But see I was tempted by that old life, I am so glad I walked away from.
Take care T, I am gone. Captain-Save-A-Ho is no more!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Related entry : http://bryanzepp.blogspot.com/2012/10/who-can-you-depend-upon.html
What prompted me in the first place to explore this situation is, it seems like every single person that I consider a friend has always come to me and asked me to bail them out, help them with this bill, or that bill, can I buy them a ticket to come see me, etc. Can I buy them a cell phone, or pay their cell phone bill, help them with cigarette money, or pocket cash. Whatever the case maybe there are numerous people that I know that hit me up for money all the time. The problem with that is I don't have the funds or the resources to help these individuals anymore. I am out on my own for the first time in 25 years, and I am alone, I am not with someone that is covering half of the bills. This is Bryan and Bryan alone in this world trying to make ends meet just like everyone else today, in an economy that is pretty heavily messed up. There are hundreds of unemployed people in the world, money is tight all over, and there are more and more people on the streets. I wish that there was something I could. A magic wand I could wave and rescue these people from themselves and the financial crisis they find themselves in. But the honest truth is, my hands are tied. I don't have the liquid cash like I used to have, I don't have a partner with me who makes as much money as I do footing half of the bills like I had for the last quarter of a century. It is just me folks. I wish I still had the job making a 100k or more a year and had excess that I could help you every time you need me. But the truth is, I make less that 25k now a year and I am struggling to make ends meet myself.
Some of you who have known me for years know that I have always been there to help everyone I could. I came running anytime I had a friend in need. Guess what those days are over! Captain Save-a-Ho is gone. He is dead and buried along with my old life and old career. I am not rich anymore, I am just like everyone else today. What is even more sad is that I thought some of you cared about me, that we were friends and that we had each other's backs, but the truth of the matter is the only time you think about me or call me or want to be around me is when you think I am going to be able to help you out. Well, sorry to disappoint but helping out is a two-way street. How many of you are there when I need a helping hand? How many of you are there when my car is in the shop? How many of you were there when I was living on the streets and needed a place to stay? Not many I will tell you that. Those of you that were are expecting something back in return and now that there isn't any drugs or money to be had you don't want nothing to do with me. Then there are others that think because we helped each other out of situations in the past that you are owed something, and maybe you are right, but guess what the time isn't right and neither are the funds.
My mother used to have a poster up at her desk at work that used to say "Lack of planning on your part, doesn't constitute an emergency on my part". This is the honest to God truth, you have been making without me, been doing alright for yourself too I guess, because I haven't heard from you till now. Then all of a sudden you hit me up telling me that you think I need to send you some money because you need help paying for your room and stuff, yet you are playing on the computer, doing other things with your life, like getting high and wasting all of your money on extras, now you expect me to come and pick you up. You haven't even asked what is going on in my life, you just turn to me and want. You are offering nothing back in return. You say you miss me and that you care about me, but the only time I hear from you is when you need or want something and you want me to provide it for you and make it happen. Like I don't have expenses and bills of my own, that I am struggling, that I may not have food enough to eat, or I am not sitting around wondering how I am going to pay the electric bill to keep my power on, or get my car out of the shop.
See the problem is you are still in that world of drugs and alcohol, you are only thinking about yourself and your next move, and your own habits and needs. You don't ever think about the other person that you are talking too. You say you care, but what you are actually saying is you care about yourself and what you think I can do for you. You miss me being around so that you have someone to help you and you can rely on. It isn't me the person who you really care about, because honestly it could be anyone that has the resources you need. It isn't about me at all it is always about you. That is not what I need or want in my life. It should be about us, and what we can do for each other. I was in your world once, there for a long time and I understand about running game and playing people. I see where you head is at, and I am sorry but I am not there anymore, I have outgrown that life and I have moved on. I guess that also means I have outgrown you. See I was the fool because I lied to myself and believed that you cared about me. I fooled myself thinking that I was important to you, and in a small way I was. I was someone who you could use to get what you wanted or needed at the moment, I had the connections, the transportation, and I had the means. But guess what I don't want to be in that world any more. I have become so much more than I was. I have learned things about myself that have made me stronger. They have given me the strength I need to see this for what it truly is. The light that I have received has opened my eyes to you and your situation. I understand now that you are where you at because you choose to be there. You don't have to stay there, but you want to be there. Because of this I can't help you anymore. I now see that you have no interest in me, you have an interest in what you think I might be able to do for you.
I have set myself up for failure with you, I told you everything you needed to know to victimize me. I thought I was helping you, that you needed me and here what I did was give myself a false sense of intimacy, a feeling that I was needed by you. Which in turn enabled you to use me. I made myself into a hero swooping in the last minute to always rescue you, and fooled myself into thinking I was needed by you and wanted by you. In the end you took me for granted and you used me for whatever you could. I stayed in that situation till it hurt or you bled me dry. But see my eyes are open, I am sober and you are not, you feign that I have slighted you and cheated you, and my sense of morality makes me feel guilty when I tell you I can't help you. You get angry and swear at me and treat me like you treat others without respect or dignity. Guess what my friend you truly aren't a friend of mine at all. I know I have allowed myself to be seen by you as something that I am not. More than I want to be, and I guess it is time for you to finally face reality, I am not the one who is going to reach out and rescue you once again. Our time is over my friend I have done for you all that I intend too. Besides, I can't honestly help you when I can't even help myself at this point in my own life.
I am doing something that you would never consider, I am working on making myself a better person, changing my life because if I don't I am destined to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. So say farewell to Captain-Save-a-Ho he is gone and never to return. If you want to be my friend you have to show me that you care about me. You have to be willing to work with me and not against me. You have to be able to show me that you have changed and that you want to be around me. You call me during the good times and the bad, that you aren't always asking me for handouts, and you are there for me when I need help. You offer assistance even before it is needed. Because believe me that is what friendship is all about. If I only hear from you when you need something, trust me I am now always going to answer NO, I cannot help you. It is my turn to live, it is my turn to repair my own life, and I can't do that if I am helping you fix your immediate problem or situation. You are taking too much from me and giving nothing back in return. You are not a friend at all. The feelings you have professed to me are nothing more than a pipe dream.
Prove to me that you have changed. Show to me that I am the number one priority in your life, and then maybe we can talk. I have someone, and you did your best to try and break me apart from him, and guess what you failed. Your true colors keep coming back around. The mood swings and the angry messages. You again, didn't even wait to see what was going on in my life, you just immediately assumed that I would have the resources to help you. You of course were high and probably don't even remember what you said. But I do, and I am sorry but again this is goodbye.
Take care my friend you will not be hearing from me again, but I am sure you will try and contact me. Wishing and hoping I will still be there for you. Once you did have my heart, but you proved over and over again how all you ever want or need is money out of me. I am so much more than you can see. I wish you would take off that drug induced haze and see who I really am, because I am so much more than you give me credit for. We could have helped one another, been something to each other, but you threw it away. You almost had me convinced that I was in love with the wrong man. You tried to tell me things to make me like him less and you more. But what you failed to realize I was always there and I know both of you and what you do and did. I am smarter now, and I am not some stupid kid. You are in your 20's and I am in my 40's. I played those games with others when I was your age, they haven't actually changed much. But see I have. If I were still doing the drugs you attempts might have worked, but see I know you T and I also know K, and I have been with K for a long time, I know him better than he knows himself and we have given up that stuff that you are smoking and doing.
I truly wish I could help you, but I am sorry what you said last night just throw me over the edge. You really think I don't know what K used to be? Over five years I have known that man, was with him and W, and watched how that turned out. I know he isn't going to do those things to me, been there, seen it, wrote the book, and I am still here. I am the one that stuck with him through it all, and if you think that is weakness than you are a bigger fool than I thought. Tricks, lies and games are all you have, I should have known it from the start. But see I was tempted by that old life, I am so glad I walked away from.
Take care T, I am gone. Captain-Save-A-Ho is no more!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Related entry : http://bryanzepp.blogspot.com/2012/10/who-can-you-depend-upon.html
Monday, August 6, 2012
All my life all I ever wanted to do was help other people
Believe it or not it is the truth, and those of you who have known me all my life can attest to the fact that I have continued to help everyone who needed it around me. Sometimes to the exclusion of my own needs, wants and desires. I would try and help as many people as I could till sometimes it hurt me and my relationships and friendships. My philosophy in life was a simple one you cannot use someone who knows what you are doing. Unfortunately, I got hurt by a lot of people who I was just trying to help. But in all honesty I wouldn't change anything I have done in my life. Because what I have been through has made me the person I am today. I have come through some really tough places, and been in some really strange situations, but I came away from all of it with a new understanding and knowledge that I would have missed out on if I hadn't had that particular experience.
I cannot say that my life has been a road full of joy, but I can tell you that it has been a great deal happier for all the people I have met and known on my journey. Trust and believe that journey is far from over, but my ideals have changed a bit, I have found a way to help people without jeopardizing myself or getting caught up in their drama. See usually it isn't necessarily the person that causes the problem, though you do run into those occasional few that try to run game on you, it is the drama that surrounds the person that causes the most problems. If you could detach the person from the drama that surrounds the problem or issue, you have a better chance of helping them. Though to be honest nine times out of ten it will be impossible, drama like to follow the downtrodden and that is just a fact of life.
I am here to tell you that you can help people, inspire them, and do great things without personally getting too involved in their life and their drama. You can offer words of encouragement, you can talk to them about their situation and offer solid real world advice, and they have to option to listen to you or carry on in their situation. You don't have to give them money, or housing, or food or any of those things, because you know what there are places and things that can help them, all you have to do is know the right resource to point them too. Now, I am not a proponent of leaving anyone on the streets, but I do know how effective it is to have 8 people crammed into your 2 bedroom apartment and you are the only one with income. Trust me you are going to quickly find out that your valuables and your hard earned money isn't going to be enough and before you know it you are going to be going through it. I learned in my last stay in Atlanta, that there is such a things as the word "NO" and that you have to exercise "Tough Love" sometimes in order to get someone motivated to do the right thing.
If you are like me and you love people and you have the desire to help them, find a way to do it that isn't going to jeopardize your well being and upset your social order, and bring discord into your life. Everyday I sit in front of my computer and I think of ways that I know of that can benefit other peoples lives, I write about them and post them here for you all to see. Yet, there is so much more that I want to do with my time and energy. I am wanting to start going on the lecture circuit and talk about cancer and other terminal illnesses like HIV and HEP C, because I have been exposed to all of those things, I have learned about them and what they mean. I am also a survivor, and I have some real world practical knowledge that I can share with people about these types of things. Now, honestly I have no real idea of how to break into that circuit, but trust me when I tell you I am going to find out. Because I want people to know that there is still life and plenty of things to do when you are afflicted with one of these things. There is so much to live for and to dream about, and do with your life, all you have to do is find the courage and the inspiration to follow through.
I encourage each and everyone of you to look around you, search the face of the people you know and find the inspiration in each of them, you know we all have a story, and we all have accomplishments that we should be proud of. I have never wanted to be famous or be more than I am, but I have had my chances, I can tell you I was well known when I worked for Disney, I met a lot of people in the entertainment industry, and some of them I made an impression on and some probably don't even remember my name, but then I moved to Atlanta and again I found myself in a position where I knew a lot of people and was influential in things pertaining to the government of the State of Georgia. I worked for 4 different Governors, and my opinion was asked for and valued at the same time. Now, here I am telling you that you can do it! You can be anything you want to be, but I want you to remember that you have to take care of yourself first, you must make sure that your needs are taken care of and met before you try to take care of anyone else's needs or problems, because if you don't one day you are going to wake up and realize that you have been taken for a ride, and everyone has left you and you have nothing left to give to anyone anymore. I know trust me I am speaking from personal experience here.
But, here is the thing about me, nothing keeps me down for long, I love people, and I love movies, and I love music, and I find inspiration in people and things that you probably aren't even aware of. I was on Google + a minute ago and Nicki Minaj is doing a question and answer on their and I saw her response to one girl who asked her is she would come and visit her school. Nicki's response was to email her because she didn't have any information on where this girl was at or where her school was. Now this is from a superstar, taking the interest here. I have been following Nicki's career with interest, and have encouraged her to read my blog, but who knows if she will or not, but I can tell you she is an inspiration to me, she gives me strength knowing that she is out there doing her best to be a role model for these young women, someone they can look up to. She teaches them to respect themselves and their talent, and to dare to dream, because dreams do come true. Now, I don't know if Nicki ever dreamed of when she signed with LiL Waynes label that she would become a role model or not, but I can tell you this, she is doing a great job with it. What's even better she is taking the time out of her schedule to address her fans one on one, and that is something that you don't see every star doing. I applaud her efforts and I know she is going to go far in this world.
My point in all of this, is if you want to help someone and they have truly asked for your help and you are willing to take on the challenge, then I encourage you to do so bravely, but remember to take care of yourself in the process, don't let them take more from you than you are willing to give, and know when to say No and when it is time to cut the strings, because there are some out there that will continue to take and never give in return, there are those that don't understand the concept of help, and in actuality all you end up doing is enabling them to continue in their own set behavior and never move out of it. Trust me I have been an enabler more times than I can to reiterate here, but let me tell you, if the person you are trying to help isn't trying to better themselves, and continues on in the same pattern of behavior you found them in, you need to cut the strings and walk away, because they aren't really looking for your help, they are trying to find someone who is going to provide for their current needs and forget the rest, and if you are not careful they may pull you down with them.
I live my life as an example of how you can change the way you were handling things to a better more constructive way. My blogging enables me to reach out and touch and help more people now more than ever, and I don't have to support them, feed them, or help them get drugs. Because you know what I have been there before and I can tell you that it can become defeatist if you let it, and you can get stuck in the same trap that the person you are trying to help is in and before you know it you are looking for a hand to help you out of your predicament. Trust me it isn't easy when you lose your way, and it is hard to get back on your feet when you are constantly starting over with nothing. But know this, you can benefit from each experience, you can learn from them and you can grow. Others will see what your about and take inspiration from it and try to emulate you. That is the best form of flattery if you ask me, if someone takes how you do things and imitates them.
I keep telling you that life is short and that you cannot help everyone in the world, and maybe I am wrong, because as of my 100th blog entry I have readers from 25 countries check out my blog. Now, I have no way of know if they have actually read it or what, but I can tell you that I have a lot of readers out there. Not many of them have actually joined my blog site, but I have a lot of people that email me and post on my Facebook and Twitter about my blog, so I am encouraged to keep on writing. I know that there are a lot of people out there that have heard what I am saying before, but they just need a reminder now and then. Other times, I feel the Spirit of the Lord or my Angels telling me that I need to write something, and before you know it I am getting a post or comment telling me thank you that it must have been meant for them because it came at just the right moment that they needed to hear it.
I write because it helps me deal with the situations I am going through, and I use examples from my own life and I try to keep the focus simple and easy to understand because, I want everyone to find some value or benefit from what I write. I am not making any money doing this, it is my passion and something that I am good at. I retired because of illness and I do this because I want to, not because I have to, and trust me if I don't write for a day I feel guilty even when I publish three in a day. But there are some days when I have to think a bit more about the topic I want to discuss because I haven't quite got it all worked out yet. But when I do I am back at the keyboard typing away.
So those of you that want to help others around you find a way like me to help them and others and do it in such a way that you are a positive role model that they can base their own choices on. Keep up a positive outlook on things and watch how much of a return you get in the sense of joy and satisfaction. Trust me you will be amazed at how good it feels knowing that you were able to help someone and that they benefited in some small way from your life and your example.
All of you keep up the good work, and please be sure to look around you and find inspiration in those that touch your life. Tell them thank you, share with them the encouragement and strength you have found in them, take time to appreciate them. Give thanks to God that he has brought them into your life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I cannot say that my life has been a road full of joy, but I can tell you that it has been a great deal happier for all the people I have met and known on my journey. Trust and believe that journey is far from over, but my ideals have changed a bit, I have found a way to help people without jeopardizing myself or getting caught up in their drama. See usually it isn't necessarily the person that causes the problem, though you do run into those occasional few that try to run game on you, it is the drama that surrounds the person that causes the most problems. If you could detach the person from the drama that surrounds the problem or issue, you have a better chance of helping them. Though to be honest nine times out of ten it will be impossible, drama like to follow the downtrodden and that is just a fact of life.
I am here to tell you that you can help people, inspire them, and do great things without personally getting too involved in their life and their drama. You can offer words of encouragement, you can talk to them about their situation and offer solid real world advice, and they have to option to listen to you or carry on in their situation. You don't have to give them money, or housing, or food or any of those things, because you know what there are places and things that can help them, all you have to do is know the right resource to point them too. Now, I am not a proponent of leaving anyone on the streets, but I do know how effective it is to have 8 people crammed into your 2 bedroom apartment and you are the only one with income. Trust me you are going to quickly find out that your valuables and your hard earned money isn't going to be enough and before you know it you are going to be going through it. I learned in my last stay in Atlanta, that there is such a things as the word "NO" and that you have to exercise "Tough Love" sometimes in order to get someone motivated to do the right thing.
If you are like me and you love people and you have the desire to help them, find a way to do it that isn't going to jeopardize your well being and upset your social order, and bring discord into your life. Everyday I sit in front of my computer and I think of ways that I know of that can benefit other peoples lives, I write about them and post them here for you all to see. Yet, there is so much more that I want to do with my time and energy. I am wanting to start going on the lecture circuit and talk about cancer and other terminal illnesses like HIV and HEP C, because I have been exposed to all of those things, I have learned about them and what they mean. I am also a survivor, and I have some real world practical knowledge that I can share with people about these types of things. Now, honestly I have no real idea of how to break into that circuit, but trust me when I tell you I am going to find out. Because I want people to know that there is still life and plenty of things to do when you are afflicted with one of these things. There is so much to live for and to dream about, and do with your life, all you have to do is find the courage and the inspiration to follow through.
I encourage each and everyone of you to look around you, search the face of the people you know and find the inspiration in each of them, you know we all have a story, and we all have accomplishments that we should be proud of. I have never wanted to be famous or be more than I am, but I have had my chances, I can tell you I was well known when I worked for Disney, I met a lot of people in the entertainment industry, and some of them I made an impression on and some probably don't even remember my name, but then I moved to Atlanta and again I found myself in a position where I knew a lot of people and was influential in things pertaining to the government of the State of Georgia. I worked for 4 different Governors, and my opinion was asked for and valued at the same time. Now, here I am telling you that you can do it! You can be anything you want to be, but I want you to remember that you have to take care of yourself first, you must make sure that your needs are taken care of and met before you try to take care of anyone else's needs or problems, because if you don't one day you are going to wake up and realize that you have been taken for a ride, and everyone has left you and you have nothing left to give to anyone anymore. I know trust me I am speaking from personal experience here.
But, here is the thing about me, nothing keeps me down for long, I love people, and I love movies, and I love music, and I find inspiration in people and things that you probably aren't even aware of. I was on Google + a minute ago and Nicki Minaj is doing a question and answer on their and I saw her response to one girl who asked her is she would come and visit her school. Nicki's response was to email her because she didn't have any information on where this girl was at or where her school was. Now this is from a superstar, taking the interest here. I have been following Nicki's career with interest, and have encouraged her to read my blog, but who knows if she will or not, but I can tell you she is an inspiration to me, she gives me strength knowing that she is out there doing her best to be a role model for these young women, someone they can look up to. She teaches them to respect themselves and their talent, and to dare to dream, because dreams do come true. Now, I don't know if Nicki ever dreamed of when she signed with LiL Waynes label that she would become a role model or not, but I can tell you this, she is doing a great job with it. What's even better she is taking the time out of her schedule to address her fans one on one, and that is something that you don't see every star doing. I applaud her efforts and I know she is going to go far in this world.
My point in all of this, is if you want to help someone and they have truly asked for your help and you are willing to take on the challenge, then I encourage you to do so bravely, but remember to take care of yourself in the process, don't let them take more from you than you are willing to give, and know when to say No and when it is time to cut the strings, because there are some out there that will continue to take and never give in return, there are those that don't understand the concept of help, and in actuality all you end up doing is enabling them to continue in their own set behavior and never move out of it. Trust me I have been an enabler more times than I can to reiterate here, but let me tell you, if the person you are trying to help isn't trying to better themselves, and continues on in the same pattern of behavior you found them in, you need to cut the strings and walk away, because they aren't really looking for your help, they are trying to find someone who is going to provide for their current needs and forget the rest, and if you are not careful they may pull you down with them.
I live my life as an example of how you can change the way you were handling things to a better more constructive way. My blogging enables me to reach out and touch and help more people now more than ever, and I don't have to support them, feed them, or help them get drugs. Because you know what I have been there before and I can tell you that it can become defeatist if you let it, and you can get stuck in the same trap that the person you are trying to help is in and before you know it you are looking for a hand to help you out of your predicament. Trust me it isn't easy when you lose your way, and it is hard to get back on your feet when you are constantly starting over with nothing. But know this, you can benefit from each experience, you can learn from them and you can grow. Others will see what your about and take inspiration from it and try to emulate you. That is the best form of flattery if you ask me, if someone takes how you do things and imitates them.
I keep telling you that life is short and that you cannot help everyone in the world, and maybe I am wrong, because as of my 100th blog entry I have readers from 25 countries check out my blog. Now, I have no way of know if they have actually read it or what, but I can tell you that I have a lot of readers out there. Not many of them have actually joined my blog site, but I have a lot of people that email me and post on my Facebook and Twitter about my blog, so I am encouraged to keep on writing. I know that there are a lot of people out there that have heard what I am saying before, but they just need a reminder now and then. Other times, I feel the Spirit of the Lord or my Angels telling me that I need to write something, and before you know it I am getting a post or comment telling me thank you that it must have been meant for them because it came at just the right moment that they needed to hear it.
I write because it helps me deal with the situations I am going through, and I use examples from my own life and I try to keep the focus simple and easy to understand because, I want everyone to find some value or benefit from what I write. I am not making any money doing this, it is my passion and something that I am good at. I retired because of illness and I do this because I want to, not because I have to, and trust me if I don't write for a day I feel guilty even when I publish three in a day. But there are some days when I have to think a bit more about the topic I want to discuss because I haven't quite got it all worked out yet. But when I do I am back at the keyboard typing away.
So those of you that want to help others around you find a way like me to help them and others and do it in such a way that you are a positive role model that they can base their own choices on. Keep up a positive outlook on things and watch how much of a return you get in the sense of joy and satisfaction. Trust me you will be amazed at how good it feels knowing that you were able to help someone and that they benefited in some small way from your life and your example.
All of you keep up the good work, and please be sure to look around you and find inspiration in those that touch your life. Tell them thank you, share with them the encouragement and strength you have found in them, take time to appreciate them. Give thanks to God that he has brought them into your life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, April 30, 2012
What do you do when the person you are trying to help won't help themselves?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a huge heart and I am always trying to help another person. But what do you do when the person you are trying to help won't help themselves? They don't contribute to the household or even work? This is actually a tough question and one that sometimes you cannot see when you are in the situation. However, what I have found is that these people may claim that they are your friend, they may even have good intentions, but they are disappointing and fail to deliver. No matter how many times you give them a chance they continue to remain the same.
An example of this can be seen from my last attempt to live in Atlanta. I moved there but had 2 friends that had once lived with me before when I lived in Atlanta previously, yet before I relocated back to Atlanta I had spoken with both of them and both guaranteed me that they would get a job with in 2 weeks of coming there. We spoke constantly and laid out ground rules..these rules were agreed to but to my dismay neither one ended up getting a job after being at my apartment for three months, and none of the rules were adhered too. One did help with keeping the kitchen clean but the other one never wanted to do anything complained when I told him he needed to get a job or go to school or do something. He would get irate and start yelling at me and then nothing ever changed.
It got to the point that after 8 months they were both still living with me and I was paying for everything. I was beginning to feel distinctly used. I actually didn't know what to do at this point. They wouldn't work, had no money to help, stole my car, damage it and I had to pay to get it fixed and the bills kept getting higher and higher. What eventually happened is that I couldn't cover the bills and the apartment complex evicted us. I ended up loosing everything including my two dogs, and my car and everything that was in the apartment.
But I learned something that has become the foundation for most of my writings so far. That sometimes if you really care about someone you have to be stern and say no, you must stop, cease, remain strong and steadfast. In other words you must demonstrate what is know as tough love. This means that you must not shirk from confrontation you must embrace it and confident that you are in the right. Now, what I mean by this is if you realize that someone is using you and not helping themselves then they need to be cut loose. You must let them go. If you continue to help them when they aren't helping themselves or even doing their own part to move forward in some way then it is in your best interest to let them go. Someone sent me a picture that says "If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."
This is exactly what I have been trying to tell you in this entry. But more than that I want you to think about this, if someone you know in your life is at the same place and isn't moving forward and going some place then they aren't helping themselves and they definitely aren't helping you. Remember this always, anyone who is not helping you and adding to your life and trying to help you get to the next level then they are using you and holding you back. They are stumbling blocks and are keeping you from moving forward yourself.
Another way to put this is if you know someone who hasn't moved forward for years and years they are still the same and still doing the same. Then they aren't doing anything to better themselves. If you help them and let them continue in their lifestyle never changing and never moving forward, then they are using you as a crutch and you are enabling them to never change. This is a very detrimental relationship and needs to be ended. Please if you have a bad friendship or relationship like the ones I described here...please do me a favor and realize that you must let them go, They are not your friends and they are only trying existing on your charity and using your kindness for weakness. Please be wary and don't get caught like I did and have to learn this the hard way. A friend is someone who has your best interest at heart. They are there when you need them and are supportive and caring. They give just as much as they take and are always willing to build and grow with you.
I know that this sounds like a simple thing, but trust me there are people out there that fall victim to this all the time, and because they are inside the situation they cannot see that they are being used and being hurt by the people claiming to be their friends.
So here in recap if a person or relationship is not benefiting you and them and you both are not moving forward toward the next station in life then you must be strong and steadfast in your resolve cut the friendship and move on by yourself.
As always give me your thoughts and feedback. Let me know if there is a topic you would like to discuss.
Uncle B
An example of this can be seen from my last attempt to live in Atlanta. I moved there but had 2 friends that had once lived with me before when I lived in Atlanta previously, yet before I relocated back to Atlanta I had spoken with both of them and both guaranteed me that they would get a job with in 2 weeks of coming there. We spoke constantly and laid out ground rules..these rules were agreed to but to my dismay neither one ended up getting a job after being at my apartment for three months, and none of the rules were adhered too. One did help with keeping the kitchen clean but the other one never wanted to do anything complained when I told him he needed to get a job or go to school or do something. He would get irate and start yelling at me and then nothing ever changed.
It got to the point that after 8 months they were both still living with me and I was paying for everything. I was beginning to feel distinctly used. I actually didn't know what to do at this point. They wouldn't work, had no money to help, stole my car, damage it and I had to pay to get it fixed and the bills kept getting higher and higher. What eventually happened is that I couldn't cover the bills and the apartment complex evicted us. I ended up loosing everything including my two dogs, and my car and everything that was in the apartment.
But I learned something that has become the foundation for most of my writings so far. That sometimes if you really care about someone you have to be stern and say no, you must stop, cease, remain strong and steadfast. In other words you must demonstrate what is know as tough love. This means that you must not shirk from confrontation you must embrace it and confident that you are in the right. Now, what I mean by this is if you realize that someone is using you and not helping themselves then they need to be cut loose. You must let them go. If you continue to help them when they aren't helping themselves or even doing their own part to move forward in some way then it is in your best interest to let them go. Someone sent me a picture that says "If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."
This is exactly what I have been trying to tell you in this entry. But more than that I want you to think about this, if someone you know in your life is at the same place and isn't moving forward and going some place then they aren't helping themselves and they definitely aren't helping you. Remember this always, anyone who is not helping you and adding to your life and trying to help you get to the next level then they are using you and holding you back. They are stumbling blocks and are keeping you from moving forward yourself.
Another way to put this is if you know someone who hasn't moved forward for years and years they are still the same and still doing the same. Then they aren't doing anything to better themselves. If you help them and let them continue in their lifestyle never changing and never moving forward, then they are using you as a crutch and you are enabling them to never change. This is a very detrimental relationship and needs to be ended. Please if you have a bad friendship or relationship like the ones I described here...please do me a favor and realize that you must let them go, They are not your friends and they are only trying existing on your charity and using your kindness for weakness. Please be wary and don't get caught like I did and have to learn this the hard way. A friend is someone who has your best interest at heart. They are there when you need them and are supportive and caring. They give just as much as they take and are always willing to build and grow with you.
I know that this sounds like a simple thing, but trust me there are people out there that fall victim to this all the time, and because they are inside the situation they cannot see that they are being used and being hurt by the people claiming to be their friends.
So here in recap if a person or relationship is not benefiting you and them and you both are not moving forward toward the next station in life then you must be strong and steadfast in your resolve cut the friendship and move on by yourself.
As always give me your thoughts and feedback. Let me know if there is a topic you would like to discuss.
Uncle B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)