Sunday, June 10, 2012

Why don't people tell you what they really mean when they ask for money?

For the last two months I have been honestly trying to save up money. I wanted to get a car and also have some money put aside if I needed to find a place to live.  I had 1000.00 saved out last month, and believe it or not when June 3rd came around I only had 24 cents to my name.  Now, most of the time if someone asks me for money they couch it in words like "can I borrow x amount?" or "Do you have x and I will pay you back?"  The point I am  trying to make is that if you have no intention of giving my money back why do you get my hopes up.  Already this month I have given, loaned or otherwise distributed over 750 dollars that has been promised back at some point. However, since last summer I have learned not to count on ever seeing money back when it has gone out.

No matter what the original intention was when the person asked for the money, something always seems to come up and repayment never actually ever happens.  This is one reason why I ended up on the street last year.  Not taking care of myself and over extending the helping hand. I have decided to wait and see what happens this month and see how much of what I have given out actually comes back.  Because after this month there will be no more funding coming out of me for anyone other than myself.

After my conversation last weekend with one of my so called friends that lived with me in Atlanta, it seems that I was expected to continue to put a roof over his head and pay for the bills even though he wasn't working and had no intention of getting a job.  This conversation sort of upset me because it wasn't till then that I realized how used I had been feeling and that it was actually a fact not just a feeling any longer.  I worked hard for years and years to get the amount of money I make on disability and it is for me alone. The government gives it to me for my own personal living costs, not anyone else's.  Therefore, what I do with my money is my decision and no one else's and I don't care what anyone thinks or expects.  From this moment forward, I am going to use the money for myself and myself alone. I didn't see anyone helping me when I was on the streets and I didn't see anyone helping me get my car back out of impound when it was stolen, and further there is no one here for me now when I need it besides my family.

I think I would have felt better knowing that the money I was supposedly lending out was not going to come back in.  I also would rather people be upfront and honest with their intentions.  It is my contention if you want to get money out of someone you should just plainly ask. Do not put any reference to payment or paying them back if you have no intention of doing so.  It will go mush easier for you and the person will not be under any false assumptions that they are going to get anything back from you. They won't have their hopes up or feel disappointed when you don't come through. Be clear and plain, make sure you ask for the money, that you are not borrowing it.  If they are like me they are going to respect you more and give it too you.  I have been known to help to the point of hurting myself, and I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to have my hopes up and count on the money I have given you if you are not going to give it back to me. I don't want to be waiting a year from now for the money, and I definitely don't want to have to track you down to ask for it.  If I am asking for it, that means I really need it and that you have given me the impression that you are going to pay me back the same sum you borrowed.  I do not want you to deduct anything from what I gave you, I want no excuses, the amount given is what I want back and if that isn't going to happen, I want you to be upfront and tell me immediately so I can make a proper judgement call.

So many times I have given money out expecting to get the same amount back and I have been nickeled and dimed to death.  I have been told things like, well you remember the t I gave you, I let you stay on my floor, the gas for your car, etc.  No this doesn't add up in my mind. I gave you a lump sum and I expect that same lump sum back, you didn't do anything for me that you weren't already going to do.  Do yourself and me a favor and just be honest with your intentions. I know I will feel so much better about the situation and I won't be hurt when you let me down.  Same goes for anyone else you are dealing with. Be open and honest with them and make sure they know exactly what they are getting into.  The last thing you want is for someone to be hurt and disappointed because you let them down, because the next time you need them they may not be there for you at all.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B