I am sure we all have done something at one point in our lives or another that has hurt another individual but that wasn't the original intention behind the action. So what do you do to make the situation better? Honestly there may not be anything that you can do. The damage is done, the person's feeling are hurt, they feel betrayed, and their fragile trust has been injured or possibly even broken. So how do you proceed and act? The simple answer here is you might have to abide by their wishes and take a break from them and the situation for a little while. Give them a chance for the wounds to heal before you try and approach them again. Because no matter what you do or say to mend the situation may just probably end up making it a lot worse. I am sure that we have addressed something along these lines before. Remember when a person is feeling hurt and vulnerable nothing you say or can do is ever going to be heard by that person. They are so focused on the pain of the incident that the extraneous information you are trying to rationalize or justify the action with is lost totally on them and they don't care. All they feel is the slight and hurt that has wounded them.
In most cases like this one I would say that time the great equalizer is what is going to either lessen the pain enough for them to be able to talk to you about it, or gives them enough room that allows them to heal and re-evaluate the situation. However, keep in mind that some wounds might never heal totally. They maybe scabbed over, and you coming around them might cause that to rip off and them once again to feel the pain and sting of the original incident. Give the other person as much time and space as they need to heal and let them come back to you on their terms. We all know how if a wound doesn't heal properly it can become infected and might cause greater complications down the road. Word wounds can be just like that they can linger, and if they are left to fest or are continually irritated they can spread and cause a person to build up resentment and anger, and lash out at you at inappropriate times. Let the other person heal, let them assess the damage done and let them decide if they can take the risk of coming back around you.
I know this is hard, you have a burning desire to make the situation better right away, you want to go in and explain yourself, defend your actions and prove that you meant no harm, that something was misinterpreted that your intentions were pure, but it isn't about you any longer. It is about them and the hurt they are feeling or the perceived injury they have experienced and was caused by you. As I have said earlier trust is a very fragile thing, it is something that is built up between two people over time, and if it is hurt or injured in someway, it may never fully recover or heal. Trust is not something that just happens, it take time and energy to nurture and grow. So be very careful with it, treat it right and it will surprise you at it tenacity and capacity to forgive once the injured party has time to process and reflect on what has happened. Time is the only true cure that can help someone. Plus, you have to keep in mind that they might have been hurt like this before by someone else and your action caused an old wound to reopen, they might be dealing with that on top of the hurt that you unintentionally inflicted upon them.
Scars are funny things, they are not always visible but are always there, they are carried around and can reopen at any time. Scars become a part of a person, some are seen, some are not. They are what a person has gone through in their past and it has become a part of them. When you except a person as a friend or more, you get the whole person, the good, the bad, the hurt, the scars, the baggage of the past, and only through exploration can you begin to discover how deep these old hurts and scars maybe. You just have to be careful and be frugal with your heart and trust. It can be easily be betrayed without it ever meaning too. But you also need to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. They may not know you all that well, couldn't possibly have any idea of what you have been through or are going through. Their actions might have seemed harmless to them, but caused you a great deal of hurt. Sometimes, in the thick of things words are spoken that weren't meant. You may have to take sometime and divorce your emotions from the situation and come at it from a purely logical standpoint and truly assess the intentions of the individual. Don't through a good friendship away on a simple mistake.
Both sides need to take time and heal. Both parties need to understand that the other person made a mistake that was all and no harm was intended . No matter which side you are on, take the time to calmly and logically review the situation and make amends. Don't let anger and resentment fester within, get it all out in the open, express how you feel and then, revisit the situation once everything has died down and you can come at it from a logical standpoint. Life is too short to stay angry or hurt at a person you regard as a friend. Take all the time you need, but I encourage you to reassess the situation, look at the damage that is done, and make amends. No one is so important that they can't have more friends, and life is way too short and delicate to be angry at someone that truly meant no harm and didn't know that their actions were going to cause you pain.
Those of you who know me know that I don't have a mean bone in my body, I don't hide or harbor malice in my heart, and if my actions have caused someone else pain, then I am the type of person to try and make amends, try to heal the breach, and repair the damage that has been done, but sometimes it is out of our hands and we have to let nature, time and God work out the issue for us. Because nothing I do or say would make the situation any better and could possibly and quite probably make the situation worse I have to walk away and let time and God heal the wound.
Please keep this in mind, we cannot undo those things in the past, we can only learn and grow from the mistakes we make. The lessons that we learn through loss and pain are the ones that stick with us forever. Be honest with yourself and you will be true to your heart. You know that each of us is human and that we all make mistakes and fall. But handle that fall with grace and dignity, lift your head and get up again. Keep going don't give up. Don't fall prey to depression, guilt and anger, because you know in your heart that harm or malice was never intended and the other party will learn that in time too.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label mistakes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mistakes. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Have you ever felt like starting over, but were too tired?
Have you ever felt like starting over, but were to tired to try again, to defeated by the things you cling to in your past? I have and I still do every once in awhile. The only way to get past your past and start over again is by forgiving those who hurt you and who you have hurt. Forgiveness is the key. Forgiveness is for you and not the other person, this is how we forget the past, start a clean slate, and let go of the past.
Unfortunately, our own defeatist attitude and mind hold us back. We sometimes feel like we are not good enough, that we have made too many mistakes and that we cannot get past this. What I can tell you is this you are not a failure, you may have failed in some of the goals you had planned to achieve but life is full of infinite possibilities and out comes. None of us are perfect in anyway. We learn from the mistakes we have made in the past, we have asked for forgiveness and we have forgiven ourselves. So why is it that we allow ourselves to be plagued with thoughts of failure and not being good enough to start over? Is it guilt, no it shouldn't be if we have truly forgiven ourselves. Is it because when we look back at our own life we see that we haven't measured up to our own ideal of success, perfection, hopes, and dreams? That would be my guess because I know when I look back I am not happy with my progress. But something I picked up along the way is the tenacity to push through my dilemmas and problems and plod ahead. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.
Each one of us is unique and an individual, we cannot be replaced by anyone else. Every person we meet we touch in some way or another. They either enrich us or impact us in some way. We truly are the sum of all our experiences, our failures, our triumphs, our tears, our disappointments and our victories. We are the result of the actions and the consequences of them, we are ever changing and growing as we live and learn, as we struggle to a new future and leave the past behind. It has been recommended that if you want to change and become more than what you are that you need to have a clean break and that you must start over again. I don't honestly believe that is entirely accurate. Sometimes, there needs to be a clean break when you are trying to get away from a bad habit or an addiction. However, evolving takes time and living to instill in us the motivation of change. Be steady in your convictions. Understand your limitations and understand that inner reflection may need to take place. It is necessary to adjust our goals and desires, they need to be reasonable and attainable.
It is unfortunate, but this is a journey that only you can make, this is a place where you have to make decisions and you have to be ready and willing to change. The key is forgiveness of yourselves, acceptance of your past, and willing to reap the consequences of said actions. Only from this place can we release the past and move forward. I want you to always remember that you are not a failure, you do have worth, and you can start again, you have an inner strength that has brought you this far and through so many things. Remember that when all the doors before you seem to be closed and despair is hovering above your head, that the future cannot be seen, no one can see beyond your choices, our future is based upon the decisions we make and the paths we choose to walk. Remember that after every rainstorm there comes the sun. After every waning moon comes a new full moon. That each day is a brand new day, there are no mistakes, it is a clean slate and is perfect in every way, and just because that door was closed when you got to it doesn't mean that you have failed...it just means that the door was closed just so you could open one and step out onto the perfect road that was meant for you.
Trust me when I say you can do this you can do anything you set our mind too and you can succeed all you have to do is try. Keep your head up and your thoughts positive. Take the step to start over again and you will see that starting over isn't so hard after all.
As always I look forward to hearing from you and your thoughts about my subject. Let me know what you think and what you would like to talk about.
All my hopes,
Uncle B
Unfortunately, our own defeatist attitude and mind hold us back. We sometimes feel like we are not good enough, that we have made too many mistakes and that we cannot get past this. What I can tell you is this you are not a failure, you may have failed in some of the goals you had planned to achieve but life is full of infinite possibilities and out comes. None of us are perfect in anyway. We learn from the mistakes we have made in the past, we have asked for forgiveness and we have forgiven ourselves. So why is it that we allow ourselves to be plagued with thoughts of failure and not being good enough to start over? Is it guilt, no it shouldn't be if we have truly forgiven ourselves. Is it because when we look back at our own life we see that we haven't measured up to our own ideal of success, perfection, hopes, and dreams? That would be my guess because I know when I look back I am not happy with my progress. But something I picked up along the way is the tenacity to push through my dilemmas and problems and plod ahead. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.
Each one of us is unique and an individual, we cannot be replaced by anyone else. Every person we meet we touch in some way or another. They either enrich us or impact us in some way. We truly are the sum of all our experiences, our failures, our triumphs, our tears, our disappointments and our victories. We are the result of the actions and the consequences of them, we are ever changing and growing as we live and learn, as we struggle to a new future and leave the past behind. It has been recommended that if you want to change and become more than what you are that you need to have a clean break and that you must start over again. I don't honestly believe that is entirely accurate. Sometimes, there needs to be a clean break when you are trying to get away from a bad habit or an addiction. However, evolving takes time and living to instill in us the motivation of change. Be steady in your convictions. Understand your limitations and understand that inner reflection may need to take place. It is necessary to adjust our goals and desires, they need to be reasonable and attainable.
It is unfortunate, but this is a journey that only you can make, this is a place where you have to make decisions and you have to be ready and willing to change. The key is forgiveness of yourselves, acceptance of your past, and willing to reap the consequences of said actions. Only from this place can we release the past and move forward. I want you to always remember that you are not a failure, you do have worth, and you can start again, you have an inner strength that has brought you this far and through so many things. Remember that when all the doors before you seem to be closed and despair is hovering above your head, that the future cannot be seen, no one can see beyond your choices, our future is based upon the decisions we make and the paths we choose to walk. Remember that after every rainstorm there comes the sun. After every waning moon comes a new full moon. That each day is a brand new day, there are no mistakes, it is a clean slate and is perfect in every way, and just because that door was closed when you got to it doesn't mean that you have failed...it just means that the door was closed just so you could open one and step out onto the perfect road that was meant for you.
Trust me when I say you can do this you can do anything you set our mind too and you can succeed all you have to do is try. Keep your head up and your thoughts positive. Take the step to start over again and you will see that starting over isn't so hard after all.
As always I look forward to hearing from you and your thoughts about my subject. Let me know what you think and what you would like to talk about.
All my hopes,
Uncle B
Friday, April 27, 2012
Vision, Is it 20/20?
Since the beginning of time there have been mystic, seers, gypsies, fortune tellers, prophets, evangelists, and myriads of people trying to divine the future, to glimpse and predict what will come and what will be. Through it all it has amounted to not much. Even some of the most noted prophets like Edgar Cayce and Nostrodamus have not been able to tell us exactly to the letter what the future holds for each of us.
I can honestly tell you that the future that is in-store for each of us is the culmination of the choices we have made, the paths we have chosen and the consequences of these things. I cannot tell you exactly what is going to unfold for you or even myself. I cannot even accurately predict when I am going to die or how it will occur. All I can say for certainty is that because I was born into the human race I know that I am on the road toward death. You see it was explained to Adam when him and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden that our time on Earth will be limited. Because of Original sin we must now face a certain death. I can also speak that because God loved us so much He sent Jesus to take on the sins of the world to ensure us eternal life free from our worldly burdens.
Now this might be a little to deep into the religious for you, but please bear with me on this because we are going to depart from religion here and talk about vision because you see vision is something that each of us possess. It is a gift that we are given and if we use it correctly can help us to understand ourselves and the world a little better.
Though the haze of the future cannot be pierced we still have sight..have you ever heard of the saying "Hindsight is 20/20?" This is the point that we are going to start from...you see I cannot tell you what tomorrow holds for me, I cannot even tell you what the next minute holds...but I can clearly tell you what I did last year, 5 minutes ago. Our past is the key to understanding the future, if we truly turn and reflect on what we have come through and where we have been, focus on the mistakes that we have made and strive to ensure that we don't repeat them we can ensure that we have a bright and happy future. We must learn from our past and keep moving forward. I can only see where I have stepped and have walked up to this exact point. But by reviewing and reflecting on what I have learned from my journey this far, it will help me place my feet on the correct path I am about to walk on going forward.
The mists of time obscure the distant past and the immediate future, but the near past, and where we are at this moment are perfectly clear in our eyes. Please take the time and look at where you have been, where you have come from and and then you can plan on the direction that you want to go in the future.
My personal quote is as follows "Anything in this world can be accomplished if you only strive for perfection one day at a time" this is how I live my life and it might help you in yours. I also want you to remember this that live is fleeting, and we do not have a guarantee that tomorrow will be granted to us. So please give thanks every morning for the blessings of another day, and take the time to smell the roses along the way for time is fleeting and beauty fades, but hope and love and faith endure.
So here is my kernel of advice the one thing I hope you walk away from this post with is this: Learn from the past, accept where you are at, face the consequences of your choices, look to the future and rejoice knowing that you are going to be blessed. Understand that life is short, and we cannot move forward if we are looking backward, we cannot start anew if we cling to the past and refuse to let go. That we can only get to where we are going if we continue to plod forward and head toward our own personal perfection. Please please understand that life is short and fleeting take time to enjoy the beauty that surrounds you and the people you are blessed with knowing and rejoice in the blessing you have and be strengthened by your journey, trials, and tribulations. Remember this if nothing else...the person you are is the culmination of all that you have been through, what you have done, the hardships you faced and overcome and the people you have helped, and those that have helped you..the choices you have made and guess what as you look back at your life and learn you will see that you are unique and special in every way, and that you cannot be replaced...
All my hopes and dreams are with you...
Uncle B
I can honestly tell you that the future that is in-store for each of us is the culmination of the choices we have made, the paths we have chosen and the consequences of these things. I cannot tell you exactly what is going to unfold for you or even myself. I cannot even accurately predict when I am going to die or how it will occur. All I can say for certainty is that because I was born into the human race I know that I am on the road toward death. You see it was explained to Adam when him and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden that our time on Earth will be limited. Because of Original sin we must now face a certain death. I can also speak that because God loved us so much He sent Jesus to take on the sins of the world to ensure us eternal life free from our worldly burdens.
Now this might be a little to deep into the religious for you, but please bear with me on this because we are going to depart from religion here and talk about vision because you see vision is something that each of us possess. It is a gift that we are given and if we use it correctly can help us to understand ourselves and the world a little better.
Though the haze of the future cannot be pierced we still have sight..have you ever heard of the saying "Hindsight is 20/20?" This is the point that we are going to start from...you see I cannot tell you what tomorrow holds for me, I cannot even tell you what the next minute holds...but I can clearly tell you what I did last year, 5 minutes ago. Our past is the key to understanding the future, if we truly turn and reflect on what we have come through and where we have been, focus on the mistakes that we have made and strive to ensure that we don't repeat them we can ensure that we have a bright and happy future. We must learn from our past and keep moving forward. I can only see where I have stepped and have walked up to this exact point. But by reviewing and reflecting on what I have learned from my journey this far, it will help me place my feet on the correct path I am about to walk on going forward.
The mists of time obscure the distant past and the immediate future, but the near past, and where we are at this moment are perfectly clear in our eyes. Please take the time and look at where you have been, where you have come from and and then you can plan on the direction that you want to go in the future.
My personal quote is as follows "Anything in this world can be accomplished if you only strive for perfection one day at a time" this is how I live my life and it might help you in yours. I also want you to remember this that live is fleeting, and we do not have a guarantee that tomorrow will be granted to us. So please give thanks every morning for the blessings of another day, and take the time to smell the roses along the way for time is fleeting and beauty fades, but hope and love and faith endure.
So here is my kernel of advice the one thing I hope you walk away from this post with is this: Learn from the past, accept where you are at, face the consequences of your choices, look to the future and rejoice knowing that you are going to be blessed. Understand that life is short, and we cannot move forward if we are looking backward, we cannot start anew if we cling to the past and refuse to let go. That we can only get to where we are going if we continue to plod forward and head toward our own personal perfection. Please please understand that life is short and fleeting take time to enjoy the beauty that surrounds you and the people you are blessed with knowing and rejoice in the blessing you have and be strengthened by your journey, trials, and tribulations. Remember this if nothing else...the person you are is the culmination of all that you have been through, what you have done, the hardships you faced and overcome and the people you have helped, and those that have helped you..the choices you have made and guess what as you look back at your life and learn you will see that you are unique and special in every way, and that you cannot be replaced...
All my hopes and dreams are with you...
Uncle B
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