You know we have been talking a lot about life and relationships, but have you ever thought what the cost of a secret does to the relationship? See it is true that secrets and lies are not free, they come with a cost, not only to you, but to the ones you love and the ones you are trying to protect. With lies and secrets comes a certain air of mistrust and that puts a strain on the relationship. You can't expect someone to trust you if there is something in the way of that trust and that is what secrets are. When you are secretive you start acting a certain way and others can tell that you are hiding something. They begin to wonder what it is that you don't want them too know. From there leads to speculation and ultimately they begin to doubt everything you are saying to them. Curiosity is a trait that is not only confined to cats you know, human curiosity is something that never ceases. Why do you think mystery novels are so popular. Everyone loves a good mystery and they try to figure it out way before they ever know the whole plot.
Try to keep in mind that secrets have a toll on you too, they add stress and worry to your life, and once you start keeping them either by hiding them with lies or by silence, it starts to truly add weight on your shoulders. Once you start telling lies you have to keep telling them in order to keep them hidden. It becomes a never ending task and sooner or later someone is going to catch you at it. When they do there goes the trust that you have built up with them. Life is too short to have secrets and lies in your life. Especially if you are in a relationship. How can a person really know you if you are keeping things back from them. As I have always told you communication is the key and honesty is what is important. Being honest not only to your loved ones and family, but you always need to be totally honest with yourself. I know sometimes it seems easier to rationalize and lie to yourself, but at the end of the day you know what really happened and no matter how many lies you tell yourself it is not going to change the situation.
That is another thing about hiding the truth and lies, it ties you to them. How can you move forward if you are carrying around baggage of the past? Lies and secrets keep you firmly rooted to a story that just isn't true and you continually are brought back to it. You have to keep covering it up, and like I said lies upon lies is like building a house of cards, sooner or later one wrong move is going to bring the whole thing crashing down on you. Again, for your own peace of mind and that of the ones you care about you need to put everything out in the open. If you do that you will find that there is less stress in your life, and that if you stick together you can overcome any obstacle. Like they say 2 heads are better than one. Don't isolate yourself and keep yourself from truly experiencing love with another person because of lies. Secrets and lies are the same thing, believe me I know all about them. I used to do Meth, and that is a drug that manipulates the brain. Some people think more clearly on it and the lies they tell just to get the next hit or fix can leave your head spinning. The trouble is most people can see through those lies and see you for what you are and what you are doing, but your head is so filled with the drug you never even realize.
Don't take the risk of being alienated by your friends and family because you are trying to hide something. For years I didn't speak to my parents, because I was doing drugs, and was partying all the time, but also because I didn't want them to know what I was into. They knew because my ex told them. He told them when he thought I had gotten out of control. I was confronted by my mother, of course I denied it. It was my secret and I didn't want her to know. Then I got arrested for possession, however, in that case I was telling the truth that it wasn't my stuff, however because my parents knew about the drug use and I had denied it, they didn't believe me. Luckily I got off of the charges, but it isn't something that I am willing to go through again. Hence the reason why I put everything out on the web. I have nothing to hide anymore. I have come to far and lived through too much to go back and start hiding who I really am now. See the truth of the matter is when Sterling and I were dating he and I did way more drugs than we should have. We were doing so much that others couldn't believe it. It wasn't a proud time of my life let me tell you. When we both came to realize how much we were really doing and how utter ridiculous we had been, and what risks we had taken, we both cut way back, but hadn't quit entirely.
Then later on it started coming to light to everyone around us about how much we did. It was even thrown in my face a couple of times by a number of people that I had gotten so many people hooked on the stuff. Do you know how scary it is to find out that you were responsible for hundreds of young men shooting up Meth? Over and over again I hear how "oh, I know Bryan, he was the one that taught me how to slam" That is not a fond reputation that I like having. I was always safe, made sure that people knew what they were doing and how to mix up the stuff. I also stayed with them and provided them a safe place to do the stuff, but that isn't the point. The point is I may have ruined a great many of lives just by teaching them slamming. Meth is not a drug to play with lightly, it is not physically addicting like heroin, it alters the brain, and is a mental addiction that is extremely hard to break. You can be away from it for years and still think about the feeling, you still get the longing for it. I don't know how else to explain, but it is true. I don't think you ever truly escape it's grasp. But as I have told you in the past, you can't escape your past! What was hidden and done in the dark always comes to light!
I cannot change my past, the only thing I can do is try to make the right choices in the future and move forward. I have to let go of the past no matter how hard that is. One of the reasons why people hold on to the past is because they tend to remember it better than it was, and they view the present harder than it really is. It is always nicer to compare what is happening in our lives with the past, we have a tendency to make it out that things were better back then, but in actuality they were probably pretty much the same. The difficulty level only changes when we learn to change the way we look at things. We have a tendency to make up stories and hide the truth of things when we are not satisfied with what we have or where we are at in life. What happens then is that the lies spin out of our control and before we know it you are defending something that isn't real.
Life is what we make out of it, as I have told you before. If we constantly embellish, lie or be secretive about ourselves how can we expect anyone to ever get to know the real you? How can you honestly find someone that can love you? Do you want to be alone forever? I know that I don't. Even now I am hoping against hope that someone will find me and love me for the person I am. I used to live a life of lies and deceit but now I put everything out in the open for the world to see. I don't have any secrets to hide. I have lost too much in my life because of lying and secrets. I want to be free of that and find love and happiness. Which if you refer back to my earliest post you know that I know that happiness is found within ones self. But I also think that you can find happiness in another person. One that makes you better than you are and inspires you to do more than you have before. That is the type of love I want.
Do yourself a favor, when you meet someone new that you are interested in, be yourself, your true self. Don't embellish, make up stuff to make yourself look better. Just be who you are. Be sincere and genuine. I honestly think you will be much better off for it. Secrets and lies cost so much and will damage your relationship way faster than anything else. Be honest with yourself and the other person. Earn their trust and respect. Be their friend and confidant and trust me everything else will fall into place.
Try and remember that no secret is ever free, not now not ever!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label secretive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label secretive. Show all posts
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Break Free from your past to Victory!
Everyone of us has a past, that is a fact! For that matter you have some people that are running from theirs or are trying to escape it. Then you have the flip side that don't have, shall we say, such a checkered or troubled past, just ordinary so too speak. No matter what the deal is with your past there are some things you need to be aware of when trying to start a new chapter of your life. When I am talking about a new chapter that could be any number of things from new relationship, new job, new friends or organizations, seriously anything.
First thing you have to remember is the past is behind you, it is what you have done. It is what you know and in retrospect it is 20/20. Meaning you can see it perfectly. Next thing you have to remember is that the past is immutable and unchangeable, it cannot be reworked or rewritten. The unfortunate thing is it is the gauge upon which most people measure their future happiness and direction from. The problem with that is we have a tendency as human's to rationalize and objectify past relationships. This can greatly interfere with starting a new one, but we will cover that later on. The third thing is there is a reason why it is called a past. Seasons change, people grow and behaviors that once were prevelant mutate or morph as we grow and learn. Fourth, as we grow, learn and change a learned habit or behavior has changed, morphed or was left behind for a reason. Look closely why you stopped doing something, carefully because you may find there was a reason or motivating factor that brought on the change, and guess what that reason is probably still there. Fifth, it is impossible to go back and recreate certain likable aspects of your past because no two moments, situations or people are ever going to be the same and you run the risk of destroying the tenuous path you built to lead your forward. Sixth, you cannot live in the past! Time, circumstances, situations, players will change of course they have too. As was stated earlier no two moments will ever be exactly the same. Plus, trying to stay in the past hinders you from ever moving forward. Past drama and baggage will surely trip you up and weigh you down. That added weight clouds your judgement and impairs your vision. It is sad but true for every new beginning there has to be an ending. Accept that and move one. Leave the past where it is. A good rule of thumb to consider how far forward can you possibly move if you are looking backward? If you're fixated on your past you will be rooted where you are at and cannot move anywhere. If you aren't moving you become stagnate. You cannot learn, you cannot grow and further yet you cannot experience anything. Take it as a sign the past is a dead end, a road once traveled that has reached an end. Learn from it, use as a map or blueprint, a learning tool, for where to place your feet on the road ahead. Look at the past pitfalls, potholes, detours and signposts so you don't run afoul, but keep it moving forward. In other words, use it as a guide, learn from your mistakes, forgive what has come before, but don't forget lest you repeat them and crash.
Along with everyone's past comes a whole host of things. For one thing there are rewards and consequences for the choices you have made. It is unfortunate that not all actions and consequences are immediate. Some things are slow and creep up on you, and you have to be ready to answer or atone for them. Trust me everyone's past come back to bite them in the end. You cannot change or avoid them forever. For those that have a bad or checkered past you may never truly escape the judgement's and persecution that haunt you for what you have done. It may even be impossible to return to the place of your past and ever succeed. You might very well find your forward path is blocked and forever closed. An example if you will. A friend of mine has tried so hard to make a positive change in his life. He has left Atlanta and returned home to regroup, retool and hone his skills and focus. On several occasions has tried to return to Atlanta and has been unsuccessful thus far. Now, background and insight, though he has gone home, taken advice and has launched a very successful career. He is human and has made some fatal mistakes at each and every possible return. Let's look closely at the situation, careful to observe and understand then we will tell you how all of this can be changed for his benefit. Over the past eight years or so my friend entered deeper and deeper into the drug culture of Atlanta, the party circuit, that I myself was a major player and purveyor of. He built a reputation of being belligerent, violent, stubborn, weird and psychotic at times. Rumors, innuendo, and tales of his exploits soon preceded him every where he went. His reputation became one of that of a thief, a liar, a cheat. He fed into that with his temper time and time again, fights would occur people got hurt, police had to be involved, etc. Once a reputation precedes you it is very hard to change people's opinions and minds. Innocent gestures, meaningless actions are silenced by the deafening roar of the past. You're discounted as having changed before you can even demonstrate you have. Nothing you say will be heard only dismissed out of hand, it seems pointless and frustrating. How can you change all of that?
How can you stage a return? Become triumphant? And demonstrate you have indeed changed? The answer is simple really, you must first understand what you are up against. Really open yourself up, search deep within yourself. Be brutally honest, understand and acknowledge your past. Be willing and able to reap what you have sown, be strong enough to weather the coming storm, because it will come! You must realign your life toward your focus and your goals. Then you must shift your life 180 degrees, what once was in the open now becomes guarded and private. You must change your habits, your friends. You must be selective and choose who and what you allow to be near to you. You must let your work, deeds and actions speak for themselves. Become almost reclusive and secretive. Create and air of mystery, never showing weakness or lack of focus. Change your routine, and if you can openly embrace the tide of skepticism, innuendo, show strength of purpose, passion and conviction in the face of detractors and doubts. If you can break those habits that people expect to see, and if you can't then hid them so well that no one will ever see. In order to break the past you mush show or project a clean break. I am fond of saying a change of scenery and friends maybe what it takes. You create a new persona, a public face that is what everyone will see, you guard that jealously and protect it at all costs. This is what you will become. Turn away those that would tear you down. Cut them from you. You must maintain at all times a united unbreakable front. Let your passions and actions be your words, your platform.
Those from your past will talk, they will jeer and try to bring you down. You must become the master of spin and damage control. Negative publicity can always be turned around and spun to have a positive light. Embrace your past, acknowledge your failings, but show you have risen above them, defeated them and have made a change. Don't run from those things make them work for you! Remember everyone is a sucker for a hard luck story, people always root for the underdog. Your career must take precedence, you must curb your personal feelings and your inner need for gratification, turn your addictions into the drive and motivation you need to propel you forward. Never forget where you came from but keep it moving forward. Give back to the community be charitable and comfortable to acknowledge what you have come through. Show how you rose above what you were and how you triumphed over it. Own it, rule it, once you can do that, it can no longer hurt you. Be candid and open, know in your heart that once it is out there under the spotlight of public life and the intense scrutiny that will follow that it can no longer hurt you, it could possibly benefit you in the long run. Remember that in darkness and shadow deceit and misconceptions grow, and from that darkness can erupt a tidal wave of past misconduct that can pull you under if you aren't ready. Live in the light and keep it right and you will have nothing to fear! You must be brave and suppress your insecurities, because those are the two biggest things that will hold you back and keep you from taking the risks necessary to carry you to the next level.
So what have we learned? How can we be triumphant and dispel the myths, misconceptions, preconceived notions that linger from our checkered past? That to move forward we must make a change, understand that our entire life is up for scrutiny and review. Create a public facade that you want the world to see. Break the mold and the habits that hold you in place. Admit your faults, embrace your differences. Become focused on your career and goals, change those you hang with. Be compassionate with your detractors, show how you rose above your addictions and limitations, cast them in the light of victory. Show how you beat the odds that were stacked against you and that you truly have learned from your past. Be a role model, give hope, courage and love through example. Actions speak louder than words! Remember your roots and be gracious. Put everything in the light keep nothing hidden. Keep it moving forward, be guarded and careful of who you let into circle. Do what you do! Be who you are and you can't fail. Make sure your goals are attainable and reachable. Be a leader not a follower. Know your voice and your message, defend those who can't defend themselves, embrace and be passionate about a cause that is greater than yourself. You are a champion, you have overcome and demonstrated it at every turn. Be fierce and proud, don't be afraid to speak out loud!
You will know beyond a shadow of doubt that you have then made the transition, you have become that public face. Never run from your past because you can never out run it. You can never hide from it either. Remember "What's mead to be will always find its way" be up for the challenge, regard the fates the sisters three: Fate, Karma and Destiny. They weave the tapestry of life, be careful because at a whim they just may snip your thread and end your career. "Into the light Carol-Anne" let the world see how triumphant and successful you can be. Reward yourself, be honest to your self and your cause. Watch and see how easy it can be!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
First thing you have to remember is the past is behind you, it is what you have done. It is what you know and in retrospect it is 20/20. Meaning you can see it perfectly. Next thing you have to remember is that the past is immutable and unchangeable, it cannot be reworked or rewritten. The unfortunate thing is it is the gauge upon which most people measure their future happiness and direction from. The problem with that is we have a tendency as human's to rationalize and objectify past relationships. This can greatly interfere with starting a new one, but we will cover that later on. The third thing is there is a reason why it is called a past. Seasons change, people grow and behaviors that once were prevelant mutate or morph as we grow and learn. Fourth, as we grow, learn and change a learned habit or behavior has changed, morphed or was left behind for a reason. Look closely why you stopped doing something, carefully because you may find there was a reason or motivating factor that brought on the change, and guess what that reason is probably still there. Fifth, it is impossible to go back and recreate certain likable aspects of your past because no two moments, situations or people are ever going to be the same and you run the risk of destroying the tenuous path you built to lead your forward. Sixth, you cannot live in the past! Time, circumstances, situations, players will change of course they have too. As was stated earlier no two moments will ever be exactly the same. Plus, trying to stay in the past hinders you from ever moving forward. Past drama and baggage will surely trip you up and weigh you down. That added weight clouds your judgement and impairs your vision. It is sad but true for every new beginning there has to be an ending. Accept that and move one. Leave the past where it is. A good rule of thumb to consider how far forward can you possibly move if you are looking backward? If you're fixated on your past you will be rooted where you are at and cannot move anywhere. If you aren't moving you become stagnate. You cannot learn, you cannot grow and further yet you cannot experience anything. Take it as a sign the past is a dead end, a road once traveled that has reached an end. Learn from it, use as a map or blueprint, a learning tool, for where to place your feet on the road ahead. Look at the past pitfalls, potholes, detours and signposts so you don't run afoul, but keep it moving forward. In other words, use it as a guide, learn from your mistakes, forgive what has come before, but don't forget lest you repeat them and crash.
Along with everyone's past comes a whole host of things. For one thing there are rewards and consequences for the choices you have made. It is unfortunate that not all actions and consequences are immediate. Some things are slow and creep up on you, and you have to be ready to answer or atone for them. Trust me everyone's past come back to bite them in the end. You cannot change or avoid them forever. For those that have a bad or checkered past you may never truly escape the judgement's and persecution that haunt you for what you have done. It may even be impossible to return to the place of your past and ever succeed. You might very well find your forward path is blocked and forever closed. An example if you will. A friend of mine has tried so hard to make a positive change in his life. He has left Atlanta and returned home to regroup, retool and hone his skills and focus. On several occasions has tried to return to Atlanta and has been unsuccessful thus far. Now, background and insight, though he has gone home, taken advice and has launched a very successful career. He is human and has made some fatal mistakes at each and every possible return. Let's look closely at the situation, careful to observe and understand then we will tell you how all of this can be changed for his benefit. Over the past eight years or so my friend entered deeper and deeper into the drug culture of Atlanta, the party circuit, that I myself was a major player and purveyor of. He built a reputation of being belligerent, violent, stubborn, weird and psychotic at times. Rumors, innuendo, and tales of his exploits soon preceded him every where he went. His reputation became one of that of a thief, a liar, a cheat. He fed into that with his temper time and time again, fights would occur people got hurt, police had to be involved, etc. Once a reputation precedes you it is very hard to change people's opinions and minds. Innocent gestures, meaningless actions are silenced by the deafening roar of the past. You're discounted as having changed before you can even demonstrate you have. Nothing you say will be heard only dismissed out of hand, it seems pointless and frustrating. How can you change all of that?
How can you stage a return? Become triumphant? And demonstrate you have indeed changed? The answer is simple really, you must first understand what you are up against. Really open yourself up, search deep within yourself. Be brutally honest, understand and acknowledge your past. Be willing and able to reap what you have sown, be strong enough to weather the coming storm, because it will come! You must realign your life toward your focus and your goals. Then you must shift your life 180 degrees, what once was in the open now becomes guarded and private. You must change your habits, your friends. You must be selective and choose who and what you allow to be near to you. You must let your work, deeds and actions speak for themselves. Become almost reclusive and secretive. Create and air of mystery, never showing weakness or lack of focus. Change your routine, and if you can openly embrace the tide of skepticism, innuendo, show strength of purpose, passion and conviction in the face of detractors and doubts. If you can break those habits that people expect to see, and if you can't then hid them so well that no one will ever see. In order to break the past you mush show or project a clean break. I am fond of saying a change of scenery and friends maybe what it takes. You create a new persona, a public face that is what everyone will see, you guard that jealously and protect it at all costs. This is what you will become. Turn away those that would tear you down. Cut them from you. You must maintain at all times a united unbreakable front. Let your passions and actions be your words, your platform.
Those from your past will talk, they will jeer and try to bring you down. You must become the master of spin and damage control. Negative publicity can always be turned around and spun to have a positive light. Embrace your past, acknowledge your failings, but show you have risen above them, defeated them and have made a change. Don't run from those things make them work for you! Remember everyone is a sucker for a hard luck story, people always root for the underdog. Your career must take precedence, you must curb your personal feelings and your inner need for gratification, turn your addictions into the drive and motivation you need to propel you forward. Never forget where you came from but keep it moving forward. Give back to the community be charitable and comfortable to acknowledge what you have come through. Show how you rose above what you were and how you triumphed over it. Own it, rule it, once you can do that, it can no longer hurt you. Be candid and open, know in your heart that once it is out there under the spotlight of public life and the intense scrutiny that will follow that it can no longer hurt you, it could possibly benefit you in the long run. Remember that in darkness and shadow deceit and misconceptions grow, and from that darkness can erupt a tidal wave of past misconduct that can pull you under if you aren't ready. Live in the light and keep it right and you will have nothing to fear! You must be brave and suppress your insecurities, because those are the two biggest things that will hold you back and keep you from taking the risks necessary to carry you to the next level.
So what have we learned? How can we be triumphant and dispel the myths, misconceptions, preconceived notions that linger from our checkered past? That to move forward we must make a change, understand that our entire life is up for scrutiny and review. Create a public facade that you want the world to see. Break the mold and the habits that hold you in place. Admit your faults, embrace your differences. Become focused on your career and goals, change those you hang with. Be compassionate with your detractors, show how you rose above your addictions and limitations, cast them in the light of victory. Show how you beat the odds that were stacked against you and that you truly have learned from your past. Be a role model, give hope, courage and love through example. Actions speak louder than words! Remember your roots and be gracious. Put everything in the light keep nothing hidden. Keep it moving forward, be guarded and careful of who you let into circle. Do what you do! Be who you are and you can't fail. Make sure your goals are attainable and reachable. Be a leader not a follower. Know your voice and your message, defend those who can't defend themselves, embrace and be passionate about a cause that is greater than yourself. You are a champion, you have overcome and demonstrated it at every turn. Be fierce and proud, don't be afraid to speak out loud!
You will know beyond a shadow of doubt that you have then made the transition, you have become that public face. Never run from your past because you can never out run it. You can never hide from it either. Remember "What's mead to be will always find its way" be up for the challenge, regard the fates the sisters three: Fate, Karma and Destiny. They weave the tapestry of life, be careful because at a whim they just may snip your thread and end your career. "Into the light Carol-Anne" let the world see how triumphant and successful you can be. Reward yourself, be honest to your self and your cause. Watch and see how easy it can be!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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