Disappointments should be nothing new to me. I have placed my hope in others and have been let down so many times in the past that I should be used to it by now. Things hardly ever go the way I plan them, so I try to remain spontaneous and in the moment all the time. I had wanted to go to visit my friend Robert Miller in Ft. Lauderdale this month because he was having surgery to replace his hip. Unfortunately, I made some choices that limited my travel options. I can't go and surgery took place today, but he is doing well and should be on the mend soon. Early this month I helped out a friend and used up what savings I had. But disappointment aside, I wish I could have gone, but things just didn't work out toward that direction. I wanted to go see my dad at the end of last month because he was in the hospital, but things conspired against me and I have run into trouble with the bank that actually occurred over Labor Day weekend. A clerk at the local Circle K where I bought my cigarettes actually used my debit card and charged $335 dollars and the bank found that these charges were similar to my spending habits and that there were no wrong pin attempts and decided that these charges weren't fraudulent. This has set me back over a 1000.00 in the past 2 months and has seriously hurt my ability to make ends meet let alone go anywhere on a weekend trip.
I am still battling with TD bank over the fraudulent charges that were put against my account back in July when Domeneck Lattella stole my iphone and debit card and tried to put through checks that weren't any good. If I could recover a portion of the money that he profited from against my account I would be in a much better financial situation. But, I am not sure what is going to happen with the bank and the decision that they had come to. I had told my friend Judy that I wasn't planning on staying with her longer than 90 days and that time is rapidly coming to a close and without the financial help of Ryan White or the Bank reversing their decision I am sort of stuck in the living situation that I am in.
I have found a house here in the Orlando area that is $800.00 a month and it includes all the utilities. I am excited that I was able to find the house, now I am struggling to come up with the move in money that the woman is looking for. I am hoping that everything falls into place and that I don't have to struggle to get into the house. It will be a great feeling to finally have a place over my head again, after being homeless for so long. I have come so far, and overcome so many hardships that it is time that something good finally falls into place. I am hoping that in the next couple of months I would have enough saved up that I will finally be able to get another car. In the 2 1/2 months that I have been in Orlando I have been able to clean up my act and get many of the things that I lost when I got screwed over in Jacksonville.
I know that things will eventually come out the way that they are supposed to. I have registered with Ryan White and let them know that I am in need of housing assistance and I am hoping that someone will be in contact with me soon and will be able to help me some towards getting into this place. It will certainly help me get into a better place and be able to stand on my own two feet again. After being adrift since 2017 to have a home base and firm foundation will be an achievement that I can be proud of. I thought that I was on the right track when I was in Jacksonville, but things went sideways so fast, and I ended up being on the streets again and that was extremely rough. I don't want to put myself in that type of situation again.
It has been my history that once things start going better the rug is pulled out from under me and I fall flat on my face. I have lost so many things over the past 20 years that these moments of achievement pale in comparison. I am not sure what the future holds but there are many programs out there that might be able to help me get further ahead then I have been before. I have been coasting for the past several years and just riding the ups and downs of life, and not trying to really embrace what things are happening around me any more. I gave up on my volunteer activities because I got wrapped up in my own little world and didn't want to burden those around me with the issues that I was facing, preferring to handle them on my own. But, the truth of the matter is that I was embarrassed, I got back involved with the drug culture of Daytona, and got sucked into the schemes and scams of those I associated with. Before, I knew it I was back on the street doing the same things that I was doing before when Kerry left me.
Now that I am away from that crowd and the influence of drugs I can see that others have followed in my footsteps and have begun the journey toward sobriety and recovery. Though not everything has been a disappointment and some of the gambles that I have taken have paid off, I am never the less concerned about where I am heading in the future. My direction at this point is unclear and people from my past have stopped talking to me altogether and I am not sure what that means. Originally I was hoping that I would be back up in the Atlanta area by the beginning of the new year but that doesn't look like that is even in the picture anymore. I have been talking to the Carol, the lady that owns the house that I am attempting to rent about doing a rent to own purchase from her. This would be something that would give me stable roots and something that I am extremely interested in. The truth of the matter is that I am hoping that this first year lease works out and that we get along well with the neighbors and the landlord and that opportunity is still on the table. That would definitely be something of a plus for me going forward. It has been a long time since I have owned my own place and it would be nice to finally have something to call my own again. A place that would continue in my family and be a legacy I could leave to others after I am gone.
Speaking of gone, my father is still very sick and isn't doing all that well with his treatments, which is also a disappointment to me. I don't know what I am going to do if both of my parents pass away, both seem to be going through their own series of medical issues and at the age of 70 they may not be around much longer, and I can't keep depending on them like I used too. This means that I have little time to get my stuff in order and get back on my feet, because once they are gone I will not have any other support system around me. Robert is in Fort Lauderdale and is married now and has a husband to worry about, and all my other close friends are in Atlanta or Pennsylvania, I am here in Florida on my own now. So much has happened over the past 6 years that it is impossible for me to know how my friends in Atlanta are fairing and if they are still doing the same stuff they were doing when I left, I am not sure I want to go back into that situation. Up until 2015 I was traveling up to Atlanta fairly often and was in contact with a lot of them but over the past 3 years my health and situation has changed and I am not as capable as I was before to travel up there and get myself wrapped up in the silly games I used to play around with.
I haven't heard from Kerry or Sterling since I first got to Orlando. I don't know if the plans that Kerry and I were talking about are still on the table or if he has changed his mind and is going about doing his own thing and not included me in those plans or what. Last I heard Sterling was heading out to Washington State to help his friend who was going through some heavy medical issues. So plans moving back to Georgia seem to be on hold indefinitely at this point.
Good news is that Dominic has gotten himself into rehab and will soon begin the program and that will benefit him in the long run. The waiting game is the hardest part right now. But we got him in and got him an ID, the program is supposed to help him with housing and job assistance both of which he needs for the future and will help cover some of the out of pocket expenses I am having to cover at the present time. The only draw back at this moment is that of transportation. I don't have a car and there doesn't look like there is going to be one on the horizon any time soon. I am hoping that our friends Nick and Justine who say they want to come to live with us in Orlando will be able to help me cover the rent and that will free my money up to help with transportation costs.
What I have discovered that with any plan there are bound to be many disappointments in life. It seems that every venture comes with its own share of disappointments, and issues. It is by coming through the disappointments and overcoming the issues or challenges, that we learn and grow. We don't ever start something knowing every nuance there is about it, and unforeseen things tend to crop up at the most inopportune moments, but it by these things that we mature and grow and learn how to deal with them. Life is full of excitement and challenges, but along with those comes the disappointments, the struggles and the of course the doubts. Yet, the rewards for doing a job well done and the feel of accomplishment outweigh the disappointments, discomforts, and tears that we shed over them.
No one ever promised us that life was going to be easy, or free from disappointments, nor did they tell us that it would get easier the further in life you go. No unfortunately, the challenges are going to remain the same or become greater the longer you are alive, the good thing is that the more you experience, the more you learn, the faster you grow, and the more knowledge and wisdom you obtain. Sometimes, it might seem easier to give in to hopelessness and despair, but believe me there isn't any reward in doing such. You will feel better about yourself, and gain more confidence and strength the harder you apply yourself to the situations you find yourself in. Even now as I am facing an uncertain future, and my health isn't the greatest it could be, I find myself in a hopeful place, a place where I can reflect on my past and I have a clear vision of what I have accomplished, what I have survived, what I have come through, what I continue to go through and I have a better more complete understanding of the struggles that I am facing today than I did yesterday. I have more hope today than I felt last month or even last year. I know that if nothing changes I will be alright and I can make it, I can survive and I will.
Don't give in to your despair and doubts, know and reflect constantly on your past and what you have accomplished, achieved and come through. In light of that the challenges of tomorrow won't seem so scary and you will be able to have more confidence in your decisions and your choices. Think smart, stay alert and be vigilante not to succumb to the doubts, depression, and disappointments that creep up on you. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and you have accomplished so much and gained even more through your personal trials and struggles. Use your story, to help others and give others the tools they need to move forward. Be a shining example of what other can be, even if you have doubts yourself. You never know who will benefit from hearing your story and how your struggles might inspire someone else to move forward in their own life. Life is not easy, it is tough and demanding! Every day is a struggle through grief, strive and your own personal demons, but you can come far just by believing in yourself.
One last note that I would like to share with those of you who are going through your own recovery. Keep in mind that you will have to fight every day to overcome the urges and desires of your brain, but you can do it, you can overcome and be victorious, you have to keep going, even if you have a fall and slip up, don't give up you owe it to yourself and those that love you to keep trying and to live again. It is hard, and doesn't get easier, but I know you have found the strength to start this journey, now all you have to do is fight to make it through. Battle everyday, fight for what you want, and keep your head held up. There are others like you going through it and they too are struggling and you can help each other by sharing your testimony and your story for others to hear. Know that you are not alone, that I am fighting every day the same way you are and if you need me I am hear to offer you words of encouragement and guidance, pick up the phone, call, email, text, I will encourage you as much as I can.
As always you are in my hopes and dreams,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Time and Again
This post is meant to give thanks to the many healthcare providers that have been extremely instrumental in my continued health. Yes it is true that almost weekly I have a myriad of medical appointments and lab work that needs to be done. Yet, if it wasn't for the diligent work of these health care professionals I would probably withered away and have died way before now.
As I am sitting here waiting to be seen by yet another doctor, I am reminded of how much hard work and long hours these professionals put in just to keep me as well as their other patients healthy and alive. I know that I would be hard pressed if I had to go without the medications that I am on. Monitoring of these medications and the effects that they have on my body are essential to my good health.
There was a period not so long ago when I was on an HIV regimen that wasn't closely monitored and my health severely suffered because of that. It was determined that the regimen that I was on had severely and irrevocably damaged my kidneys. Once it was discovered a monitoring program was soon put in place, but the damage was already extensive and done there was no coming back from it. Less than a year later a small tumor was found on my right kidney and my new journey had begun.
It has been a little more than a year that the tumor on my right kidney was found. The myriad of doctor's and healthcare providers I have been through in just that year alone has been staggering. I'm currently under the care of a urologist at the University of Florida in Gainesville and it looks like the year long journey that I have been on is finally drawing to a close. This journey has been long and arduous starting with ultrasounds, then CT scans and ultimately ending in a series of MRI'S all of which had indicated continuous growth and the possibility of spreading.
You would think that after 25 years of battling this disease that I might have finally become used to all the test, treatments and surgeries that have resulted from having this disease. But, time and again cancer seems bound and determined to come back. It keeps these myriads of healthcare professional working harder than ever to get me to the state of wellness. Sometimes I dream of having just a few moments of good health to consider myself normal and healthy.
I guess as dreams go it isn't a bad one to have. But, no matter the circumstances I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to live my life as a healed, whole individual. That even through their best efforts medical science can only do so much to correct the damage that cancer has done to my body. I must accept the limitations and restrictions that have become my norm and rejoice in the continued life that God has granted me.
Remembering always that man can only do so much when it comes to this vehicle our mind resides in. God who is the Ultimate Physician is the only one with the power to restore me back to full health. I can never truly trust the findings of the world of medicine, because as been my case in the past the predictions that they provide me with have been far from accurate. Only God knows the time and place of my demise. Because everything that I have been through and continue to go through are what strengthens me and gives me the experience I need to get through the next phase of my existence.
See, I have become very familiar with living on borrowed time knowing that any moment might be my last. Knowing that each time I have to have an operation or treatment might be my very last. There seems to always be a new treatment or procedure that has yet to be tried. I'm comforted knowing that in all things God has me in the palms of His hands and that as long as I am needed here on Earth I will continue to make these recoveries and be able to give witness and testament to the miracles of God.
So no matter if time and again I have to be seen by doctor's, nurses, lab techs or other healthcare professionals I will always be in God's Grace and He will take care of my needs .
Rejoice for God is the Healer and architect of your body and can and will restore you according to His detailed plan regarding your life and work.
As always Live well, Love much and Laugh often.
Uncle B
Saturday, January 23, 2016
The 2016 formula for personal success
2016 is already shaping up to be a time for change and transition. The prospects of falling into the same rut that you ended up in during 2015 isn't something you are excited about or willing to accept. Recently, I spoke to you about taking the initiative and putting yourself out there. If you don't know what i am talking about. You need to go back and read "Nothing ventured Nothing gained".
Here is something I do know if you really want something and are willing to put in the effort toward getting it, you can and will achieve it. It doesn't matter if you don't know how to achieve it, all you have to do is take a step in that direction. No one wakes up and says I want this and they get it right away. You have got to set the stage, gather the required skills to accomplish something. Once you have the skills, you have to get on the appropriate path, then work towards your desired goal. Let me try to explain it a little more clearly. You have to do some research on whatever topic or goal that you want to strive for. You must at least struggle to get a complete picture of what it is you want, from there you must look for a path to carry from the point you are at to the point where you want yourself to be. Then set out working towards that, don't be scared you just have to take that first step. The knowledge you seek you must somehow learn and the only way you can do that is by taking small steps toward that goal.
When I was in my 20's, I knew that I wanted more for myself than working for minimum wage. I saw an opportunity for a new beginning and I took the steps that put me out there. Computers were becoming household objects and everybody wanted one. This was something that really hasn't changed much at all. Computers are common place now, literally everywhere you go. The first movement was everybody wanted one, then everyone had one, then they wanted them smaller, easier to transport, so portability became a factor which changed the industry. Next became what we wanted the computers to do for us. Desktops became laptops, laptops became ultra or power books. But still people wanted more functionality and portability. Now we are at a point where everyone now carries around their own personal mini computer. It is either in the form of a phone or tablet. So, why am I telling you all of this?
Because I knew that I wanted to be involved in this. I left Orlando with an internal understanding that I was going to achieve this, I was going to be a part of that industry. I didn't know how or when but I knew I had something to offer. I left Orlando and moved to Atlanta where I became a flight attendant, which allowed me the money to buy the books I needed to train myself everything I could learn about programming and computers. It took me 4 years of investing and educating myself to the point where I felt competent enough to step out and apply for a job in my chosen career. But here I ran into another road block, a degree. At that time every company was looking for people that could do as well as have the degree.
Finding myself in this situation, I understood that all the knowledge that I had would only get me so far. So, I went back to school and used what I taught myself to achieve a bachelors degree as well as my master's degree. These pieces of paper gave legitimacy to my knowledge and allowed me to move forward in my field. I have made lasting contributions in my field I positioned myself as an expert in my field, I was able to utilize my business knowledge with my technical skills to create a bridge between the two and filled a gap that I saw. I became a liaison the two, translating the business needs to the development teams and built processes and programs to further overall agenda for many companies and government entities that will last long after I am gone.
To those around me I became a go getter. I saw what I wanted and I reached out and did it. I took the risk and achieved the goal I aimed for. It may seem like I knew what I was doing, but the truth of the matter was I just applied myself and made a fit, it wasn't always perfect, yet it worked. So here we are and I want you to be as successful as I was and it really comes down to a very simple formula. You too can be a go getter and a trailblazer. All you have to do is:
1.) Be yourself - become totally comfortable in your own skin.
2.) Create your own destiny - nothing is carved in stone. Do what you can and what you know.
3.) Use your gifts - I used the ability to learn and taught myself what I needed. I also applied my talents to every project.
And finally,
Open yourself to change. Expect that as you apply yourself your environment and surroundings are going to change be ready for when they do.
You are now well on your way towards achieving and sustaining your own personal success.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Can a lone desire make a person change their sexual preference?
In my life I have had 2 different men tell me that they were changing their sexual preference from gay to straight and I often wonder if that is really and truly possible. If we go back to my earlier blog entry on my thoughts on bisexuality, I would say that it is possible however I don't think it is actually probable. I think that at some point in the future old desires and feelings are going to come back to the foreground and trouble is going to brew. As I stated in my earlier article I feel that we all start out as bisexual and that it is our associations and the associations we form that pull us in one direction or another. If a person has lived their life bonding and feeling closer to men, they tend to become aligned with being gay. In other words the kinship and relationships they feel most comfortable with is with men there fore they tend to be homosexual. The reverse is also true. However, why do you think that gay men have more straight girlfriends than their heterosexual counterparts? That one is easier to explain, because men that tend to bond and form relationships with other men feel a connection to their feminine side and have a natural affinity toward females. Females are not threatened by their gay counterparts and can form close binding friendships with gay men because they have a common interest.
So my question is this, if a gay man finds themselves wanting children and a normal life can they revert back through the years of their lifestyle and become heterosexual? In most cases I don't actually believe that is possible. See I believe that we are the culmination of the events and choices that we have made in our lives. I also feel that each experience that we have molds us and forms a pattern that we become used to. It maybe possible for a person to bury their true feelings and nature for a while, but in the long run the urges and itches are going to once again surface. When that happens lives get shattered and feelings get hurt and there is a sense of betrayal on at least one of the parties concerned. I have known older men that have lived their lives as heterosexual men that play with other men without their spouses being aware of their true nature and their desires. I have also seen some of those men at a later age in life come clean about their sexuality and how it disrupts their families and hurts the ones they love and care about. How do you think you would feel if you were married to someone for 20 years only to find out that they secretly had feelings for someone of the same sex and that there was nothing you could do to compete.
Now, also imagine if after 20 years you have children that are involved. How do you think they would feel finding out that one of their parents wasn't who they thought they were? Believe me their world would be turned upside down and there would be a lot of pain and confusion. Eventually as time goes on I believe that hurt would lessen and love and feelings would eventually come back. But, realize this, the damage has been done and only time and distance will make those hurts fade. Again my question is it actually possible for a person to go against the pattern that they have been living and totally change? I think that maybe it could be if the desire was strong enough, and that they were never truly comfortable with the choices they have made in the past. However, I do honestly believe that we are creatures of habit and that our lives revolve in patterns, and once a pattern has been ingrained for years on end, I don't honestly believe that a conscious change will hold up and keep for the long haul. I honestly think as I said earlier that those feelings and the old patterns will reemerge at a later point.
It is important for you to understand that you have to be totally honest with yourself and your feelings. If you have a strong desire to have a child there are ways you can accomplish that without trying to rewrite and change your whole history. As a friend of mine is finding out, most people don't believe that he has changed and that over time he will revert back to his old ways. Personally my feelings on this are as I stated above, I believe that under certain circumstances a change can be made, but I am not 100 percent convinced that the change will be permanent. I am reminded of a movie I once saw where a bisexual guy dated a gay man for awhile. The bisexual went on to marry a woman, however years later that same man came back to his old gay partner and found that what he was really looking for was there all along, that he didn't really fit in to either lifestyle and the closest he could find to what he was looking for was the gay man and his son. In some of us the desire to have a child is so strong that we go to extremes to have one, and in the long run end up running the risk of ourselves not being happy, and having to live a lie that we are not entirely comfortable with. I am here to tell you that there are ways around this misconception and no one has to get hurt. The truth of the matter is like in all things in life you have to start with yourself and be completely honest with yourself and how you are feeling. You have to look inward and truly search your heart and desires and see what it is that you really want and how comfortable you feel.
If you have always found yourself attracted to men, and have had relationships with them in the past, I am not sure you are going to be happy trying to change your sexuality just because you want to have a child or you think that it will make your family and friends happy. What you have to do is live for yourself and make yourself happy. See I know for a fact only you have your own best interest at heart and that only you can make yourself happy all of the time, but you have to be honest with yourself and completely receptive to the feelings that you keep bottled up inside of yourself. As I have told you in previous entries there is still a part of me that is attracted to women, however, I find that I have an easier time bonding with and associating with men. Therefore I know that I am gay. I feel comfortable in gay relationships, however I see the attraction and acceptance one would feel if they could find themselves accepted as normal and straight in today's society. I also know the desire to have a child and I know that with my health and other conditions that it will probably never happen unless I adopt or chose someone else's child to raise as my own.
But I guess I have been hitting all around my question and I have given a wishy-washy answer. Can a person change their sexuality and live with it and not end up reverting back at some point in the future? Honestly, I don't know for sure. I know that my first lover is married now and she knows about his past and has accepted him for it. I know she also knows about me and the feelings that we once had for each other. I also know that he broke off all ties and communication with me years ago because he didn't think his wife would understand his communicating with an ex that he had a long term relationship with. I can't say that I blame him for that one. But what do I know of his exploits from that point? I can honestly say nothing. My friend that is going through this now, is at the beginning and I am not sure what his true feelings are a this point because I haven't really had a chance to talk to him in depth about his decision and the motivations behind it.
What I do know is that no matter the outcome of either of their relationships, I am still their friend and always will be. When I tell someone I am their friend I am their friend till the end with no questions asked. See to me it doesn't matter about your orientation or preferences, you are still the person I knew and loved and offered my hand too in friendship and nothing is going to change that. You cannot take away all of our experiences together nor can you deny all the interactions we have experienced as friends.
So in the long run do I care if someone is gay or straight or bisexual? No, it matters little to me. See it is the person that I am friends with and if I am truly your friend I accept you for you, who you were when I met you and the person you are going to become. I accept you fully, that means the good the bad and the indifferent. See I have found that the human heart has a great capacity for love. The is no limit to the number of people we can love, our hearts are as big as our brains and if you truly accept a person and are their friend you are going to accept them unconditionally and totally. You are going to be supportive and help them carry out their goals and plans. You are going to stand by them and offer them words of encouragement and advice on each and every situation they find themselves in. A friendship is a type of relationship that is built as much on trust and communication as it is on love and understanding. There is a reason why you and your friends always seem to get over the fights and work through the tough times and remain friends. That is because of love and the heart and energy you put into those friendships.
Will my friend be successful in his heterosexual journey, I am not sure or convinced at this point, but I will tell you what, it is my responsibility to support his decision and offer him the advice and guidance I can to help him reach the goal he has set for himself at this point. Whether he makes it and keeps living it, is up to him. But I will be there for him no matter the outcome.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
So my question is this, if a gay man finds themselves wanting children and a normal life can they revert back through the years of their lifestyle and become heterosexual? In most cases I don't actually believe that is possible. See I believe that we are the culmination of the events and choices that we have made in our lives. I also feel that each experience that we have molds us and forms a pattern that we become used to. It maybe possible for a person to bury their true feelings and nature for a while, but in the long run the urges and itches are going to once again surface. When that happens lives get shattered and feelings get hurt and there is a sense of betrayal on at least one of the parties concerned. I have known older men that have lived their lives as heterosexual men that play with other men without their spouses being aware of their true nature and their desires. I have also seen some of those men at a later age in life come clean about their sexuality and how it disrupts their families and hurts the ones they love and care about. How do you think you would feel if you were married to someone for 20 years only to find out that they secretly had feelings for someone of the same sex and that there was nothing you could do to compete.
Now, also imagine if after 20 years you have children that are involved. How do you think they would feel finding out that one of their parents wasn't who they thought they were? Believe me their world would be turned upside down and there would be a lot of pain and confusion. Eventually as time goes on I believe that hurt would lessen and love and feelings would eventually come back. But, realize this, the damage has been done and only time and distance will make those hurts fade. Again my question is it actually possible for a person to go against the pattern that they have been living and totally change? I think that maybe it could be if the desire was strong enough, and that they were never truly comfortable with the choices they have made in the past. However, I do honestly believe that we are creatures of habit and that our lives revolve in patterns, and once a pattern has been ingrained for years on end, I don't honestly believe that a conscious change will hold up and keep for the long haul. I honestly think as I said earlier that those feelings and the old patterns will reemerge at a later point.
It is important for you to understand that you have to be totally honest with yourself and your feelings. If you have a strong desire to have a child there are ways you can accomplish that without trying to rewrite and change your whole history. As a friend of mine is finding out, most people don't believe that he has changed and that over time he will revert back to his old ways. Personally my feelings on this are as I stated above, I believe that under certain circumstances a change can be made, but I am not 100 percent convinced that the change will be permanent. I am reminded of a movie I once saw where a bisexual guy dated a gay man for awhile. The bisexual went on to marry a woman, however years later that same man came back to his old gay partner and found that what he was really looking for was there all along, that he didn't really fit in to either lifestyle and the closest he could find to what he was looking for was the gay man and his son. In some of us the desire to have a child is so strong that we go to extremes to have one, and in the long run end up running the risk of ourselves not being happy, and having to live a lie that we are not entirely comfortable with. I am here to tell you that there are ways around this misconception and no one has to get hurt. The truth of the matter is like in all things in life you have to start with yourself and be completely honest with yourself and how you are feeling. You have to look inward and truly search your heart and desires and see what it is that you really want and how comfortable you feel.
If you have always found yourself attracted to men, and have had relationships with them in the past, I am not sure you are going to be happy trying to change your sexuality just because you want to have a child or you think that it will make your family and friends happy. What you have to do is live for yourself and make yourself happy. See I know for a fact only you have your own best interest at heart and that only you can make yourself happy all of the time, but you have to be honest with yourself and completely receptive to the feelings that you keep bottled up inside of yourself. As I have told you in previous entries there is still a part of me that is attracted to women, however, I find that I have an easier time bonding with and associating with men. Therefore I know that I am gay. I feel comfortable in gay relationships, however I see the attraction and acceptance one would feel if they could find themselves accepted as normal and straight in today's society. I also know the desire to have a child and I know that with my health and other conditions that it will probably never happen unless I adopt or chose someone else's child to raise as my own.
But I guess I have been hitting all around my question and I have given a wishy-washy answer. Can a person change their sexuality and live with it and not end up reverting back at some point in the future? Honestly, I don't know for sure. I know that my first lover is married now and she knows about his past and has accepted him for it. I know she also knows about me and the feelings that we once had for each other. I also know that he broke off all ties and communication with me years ago because he didn't think his wife would understand his communicating with an ex that he had a long term relationship with. I can't say that I blame him for that one. But what do I know of his exploits from that point? I can honestly say nothing. My friend that is going through this now, is at the beginning and I am not sure what his true feelings are a this point because I haven't really had a chance to talk to him in depth about his decision and the motivations behind it.
What I do know is that no matter the outcome of either of their relationships, I am still their friend and always will be. When I tell someone I am their friend I am their friend till the end with no questions asked. See to me it doesn't matter about your orientation or preferences, you are still the person I knew and loved and offered my hand too in friendship and nothing is going to change that. You cannot take away all of our experiences together nor can you deny all the interactions we have experienced as friends.
So in the long run do I care if someone is gay or straight or bisexual? No, it matters little to me. See it is the person that I am friends with and if I am truly your friend I accept you for you, who you were when I met you and the person you are going to become. I accept you fully, that means the good the bad and the indifferent. See I have found that the human heart has a great capacity for love. The is no limit to the number of people we can love, our hearts are as big as our brains and if you truly accept a person and are their friend you are going to accept them unconditionally and totally. You are going to be supportive and help them carry out their goals and plans. You are going to stand by them and offer them words of encouragement and advice on each and every situation they find themselves in. A friendship is a type of relationship that is built as much on trust and communication as it is on love and understanding. There is a reason why you and your friends always seem to get over the fights and work through the tough times and remain friends. That is because of love and the heart and energy you put into those friendships.
Will my friend be successful in his heterosexual journey, I am not sure or convinced at this point, but I will tell you what, it is my responsibility to support his decision and offer him the advice and guidance I can to help him reach the goal he has set for himself at this point. Whether he makes it and keeps living it, is up to him. But I will be there for him no matter the outcome.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Break Free from your past to Victory!
Everyone of us has a past, that is a fact! For that matter you have some people that are running from theirs or are trying to escape it. Then you have the flip side that don't have, shall we say, such a checkered or troubled past, just ordinary so too speak. No matter what the deal is with your past there are some things you need to be aware of when trying to start a new chapter of your life. When I am talking about a new chapter that could be any number of things from new relationship, new job, new friends or organizations, seriously anything.
First thing you have to remember is the past is behind you, it is what you have done. It is what you know and in retrospect it is 20/20. Meaning you can see it perfectly. Next thing you have to remember is that the past is immutable and unchangeable, it cannot be reworked or rewritten. The unfortunate thing is it is the gauge upon which most people measure their future happiness and direction from. The problem with that is we have a tendency as human's to rationalize and objectify past relationships. This can greatly interfere with starting a new one, but we will cover that later on. The third thing is there is a reason why it is called a past. Seasons change, people grow and behaviors that once were prevelant mutate or morph as we grow and learn. Fourth, as we grow, learn and change a learned habit or behavior has changed, morphed or was left behind for a reason. Look closely why you stopped doing something, carefully because you may find there was a reason or motivating factor that brought on the change, and guess what that reason is probably still there. Fifth, it is impossible to go back and recreate certain likable aspects of your past because no two moments, situations or people are ever going to be the same and you run the risk of destroying the tenuous path you built to lead your forward. Sixth, you cannot live in the past! Time, circumstances, situations, players will change of course they have too. As was stated earlier no two moments will ever be exactly the same. Plus, trying to stay in the past hinders you from ever moving forward. Past drama and baggage will surely trip you up and weigh you down. That added weight clouds your judgement and impairs your vision. It is sad but true for every new beginning there has to be an ending. Accept that and move one. Leave the past where it is. A good rule of thumb to consider how far forward can you possibly move if you are looking backward? If you're fixated on your past you will be rooted where you are at and cannot move anywhere. If you aren't moving you become stagnate. You cannot learn, you cannot grow and further yet you cannot experience anything. Take it as a sign the past is a dead end, a road once traveled that has reached an end. Learn from it, use as a map or blueprint, a learning tool, for where to place your feet on the road ahead. Look at the past pitfalls, potholes, detours and signposts so you don't run afoul, but keep it moving forward. In other words, use it as a guide, learn from your mistakes, forgive what has come before, but don't forget lest you repeat them and crash.
Along with everyone's past comes a whole host of things. For one thing there are rewards and consequences for the choices you have made. It is unfortunate that not all actions and consequences are immediate. Some things are slow and creep up on you, and you have to be ready to answer or atone for them. Trust me everyone's past come back to bite them in the end. You cannot change or avoid them forever. For those that have a bad or checkered past you may never truly escape the judgement's and persecution that haunt you for what you have done. It may even be impossible to return to the place of your past and ever succeed. You might very well find your forward path is blocked and forever closed. An example if you will. A friend of mine has tried so hard to make a positive change in his life. He has left Atlanta and returned home to regroup, retool and hone his skills and focus. On several occasions has tried to return to Atlanta and has been unsuccessful thus far. Now, background and insight, though he has gone home, taken advice and has launched a very successful career. He is human and has made some fatal mistakes at each and every possible return. Let's look closely at the situation, careful to observe and understand then we will tell you how all of this can be changed for his benefit. Over the past eight years or so my friend entered deeper and deeper into the drug culture of Atlanta, the party circuit, that I myself was a major player and purveyor of. He built a reputation of being belligerent, violent, stubborn, weird and psychotic at times. Rumors, innuendo, and tales of his exploits soon preceded him every where he went. His reputation became one of that of a thief, a liar, a cheat. He fed into that with his temper time and time again, fights would occur people got hurt, police had to be involved, etc. Once a reputation precedes you it is very hard to change people's opinions and minds. Innocent gestures, meaningless actions are silenced by the deafening roar of the past. You're discounted as having changed before you can even demonstrate you have. Nothing you say will be heard only dismissed out of hand, it seems pointless and frustrating. How can you change all of that?
How can you stage a return? Become triumphant? And demonstrate you have indeed changed? The answer is simple really, you must first understand what you are up against. Really open yourself up, search deep within yourself. Be brutally honest, understand and acknowledge your past. Be willing and able to reap what you have sown, be strong enough to weather the coming storm, because it will come! You must realign your life toward your focus and your goals. Then you must shift your life 180 degrees, what once was in the open now becomes guarded and private. You must change your habits, your friends. You must be selective and choose who and what you allow to be near to you. You must let your work, deeds and actions speak for themselves. Become almost reclusive and secretive. Create and air of mystery, never showing weakness or lack of focus. Change your routine, and if you can openly embrace the tide of skepticism, innuendo, show strength of purpose, passion and conviction in the face of detractors and doubts. If you can break those habits that people expect to see, and if you can't then hid them so well that no one will ever see. In order to break the past you mush show or project a clean break. I am fond of saying a change of scenery and friends maybe what it takes. You create a new persona, a public face that is what everyone will see, you guard that jealously and protect it at all costs. This is what you will become. Turn away those that would tear you down. Cut them from you. You must maintain at all times a united unbreakable front. Let your passions and actions be your words, your platform.
Those from your past will talk, they will jeer and try to bring you down. You must become the master of spin and damage control. Negative publicity can always be turned around and spun to have a positive light. Embrace your past, acknowledge your failings, but show you have risen above them, defeated them and have made a change. Don't run from those things make them work for you! Remember everyone is a sucker for a hard luck story, people always root for the underdog. Your career must take precedence, you must curb your personal feelings and your inner need for gratification, turn your addictions into the drive and motivation you need to propel you forward. Never forget where you came from but keep it moving forward. Give back to the community be charitable and comfortable to acknowledge what you have come through. Show how you rose above what you were and how you triumphed over it. Own it, rule it, once you can do that, it can no longer hurt you. Be candid and open, know in your heart that once it is out there under the spotlight of public life and the intense scrutiny that will follow that it can no longer hurt you, it could possibly benefit you in the long run. Remember that in darkness and shadow deceit and misconceptions grow, and from that darkness can erupt a tidal wave of past misconduct that can pull you under if you aren't ready. Live in the light and keep it right and you will have nothing to fear! You must be brave and suppress your insecurities, because those are the two biggest things that will hold you back and keep you from taking the risks necessary to carry you to the next level.
So what have we learned? How can we be triumphant and dispel the myths, misconceptions, preconceived notions that linger from our checkered past? That to move forward we must make a change, understand that our entire life is up for scrutiny and review. Create a public facade that you want the world to see. Break the mold and the habits that hold you in place. Admit your faults, embrace your differences. Become focused on your career and goals, change those you hang with. Be compassionate with your detractors, show how you rose above your addictions and limitations, cast them in the light of victory. Show how you beat the odds that were stacked against you and that you truly have learned from your past. Be a role model, give hope, courage and love through example. Actions speak louder than words! Remember your roots and be gracious. Put everything in the light keep nothing hidden. Keep it moving forward, be guarded and careful of who you let into circle. Do what you do! Be who you are and you can't fail. Make sure your goals are attainable and reachable. Be a leader not a follower. Know your voice and your message, defend those who can't defend themselves, embrace and be passionate about a cause that is greater than yourself. You are a champion, you have overcome and demonstrated it at every turn. Be fierce and proud, don't be afraid to speak out loud!
You will know beyond a shadow of doubt that you have then made the transition, you have become that public face. Never run from your past because you can never out run it. You can never hide from it either. Remember "What's mead to be will always find its way" be up for the challenge, regard the fates the sisters three: Fate, Karma and Destiny. They weave the tapestry of life, be careful because at a whim they just may snip your thread and end your career. "Into the light Carol-Anne" let the world see how triumphant and successful you can be. Reward yourself, be honest to your self and your cause. Watch and see how easy it can be!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
First thing you have to remember is the past is behind you, it is what you have done. It is what you know and in retrospect it is 20/20. Meaning you can see it perfectly. Next thing you have to remember is that the past is immutable and unchangeable, it cannot be reworked or rewritten. The unfortunate thing is it is the gauge upon which most people measure their future happiness and direction from. The problem with that is we have a tendency as human's to rationalize and objectify past relationships. This can greatly interfere with starting a new one, but we will cover that later on. The third thing is there is a reason why it is called a past. Seasons change, people grow and behaviors that once were prevelant mutate or morph as we grow and learn. Fourth, as we grow, learn and change a learned habit or behavior has changed, morphed or was left behind for a reason. Look closely why you stopped doing something, carefully because you may find there was a reason or motivating factor that brought on the change, and guess what that reason is probably still there. Fifth, it is impossible to go back and recreate certain likable aspects of your past because no two moments, situations or people are ever going to be the same and you run the risk of destroying the tenuous path you built to lead your forward. Sixth, you cannot live in the past! Time, circumstances, situations, players will change of course they have too. As was stated earlier no two moments will ever be exactly the same. Plus, trying to stay in the past hinders you from ever moving forward. Past drama and baggage will surely trip you up and weigh you down. That added weight clouds your judgement and impairs your vision. It is sad but true for every new beginning there has to be an ending. Accept that and move one. Leave the past where it is. A good rule of thumb to consider how far forward can you possibly move if you are looking backward? If you're fixated on your past you will be rooted where you are at and cannot move anywhere. If you aren't moving you become stagnate. You cannot learn, you cannot grow and further yet you cannot experience anything. Take it as a sign the past is a dead end, a road once traveled that has reached an end. Learn from it, use as a map or blueprint, a learning tool, for where to place your feet on the road ahead. Look at the past pitfalls, potholes, detours and signposts so you don't run afoul, but keep it moving forward. In other words, use it as a guide, learn from your mistakes, forgive what has come before, but don't forget lest you repeat them and crash.
Along with everyone's past comes a whole host of things. For one thing there are rewards and consequences for the choices you have made. It is unfortunate that not all actions and consequences are immediate. Some things are slow and creep up on you, and you have to be ready to answer or atone for them. Trust me everyone's past come back to bite them in the end. You cannot change or avoid them forever. For those that have a bad or checkered past you may never truly escape the judgement's and persecution that haunt you for what you have done. It may even be impossible to return to the place of your past and ever succeed. You might very well find your forward path is blocked and forever closed. An example if you will. A friend of mine has tried so hard to make a positive change in his life. He has left Atlanta and returned home to regroup, retool and hone his skills and focus. On several occasions has tried to return to Atlanta and has been unsuccessful thus far. Now, background and insight, though he has gone home, taken advice and has launched a very successful career. He is human and has made some fatal mistakes at each and every possible return. Let's look closely at the situation, careful to observe and understand then we will tell you how all of this can be changed for his benefit. Over the past eight years or so my friend entered deeper and deeper into the drug culture of Atlanta, the party circuit, that I myself was a major player and purveyor of. He built a reputation of being belligerent, violent, stubborn, weird and psychotic at times. Rumors, innuendo, and tales of his exploits soon preceded him every where he went. His reputation became one of that of a thief, a liar, a cheat. He fed into that with his temper time and time again, fights would occur people got hurt, police had to be involved, etc. Once a reputation precedes you it is very hard to change people's opinions and minds. Innocent gestures, meaningless actions are silenced by the deafening roar of the past. You're discounted as having changed before you can even demonstrate you have. Nothing you say will be heard only dismissed out of hand, it seems pointless and frustrating. How can you change all of that?
How can you stage a return? Become triumphant? And demonstrate you have indeed changed? The answer is simple really, you must first understand what you are up against. Really open yourself up, search deep within yourself. Be brutally honest, understand and acknowledge your past. Be willing and able to reap what you have sown, be strong enough to weather the coming storm, because it will come! You must realign your life toward your focus and your goals. Then you must shift your life 180 degrees, what once was in the open now becomes guarded and private. You must change your habits, your friends. You must be selective and choose who and what you allow to be near to you. You must let your work, deeds and actions speak for themselves. Become almost reclusive and secretive. Create and air of mystery, never showing weakness or lack of focus. Change your routine, and if you can openly embrace the tide of skepticism, innuendo, show strength of purpose, passion and conviction in the face of detractors and doubts. If you can break those habits that people expect to see, and if you can't then hid them so well that no one will ever see. In order to break the past you mush show or project a clean break. I am fond of saying a change of scenery and friends maybe what it takes. You create a new persona, a public face that is what everyone will see, you guard that jealously and protect it at all costs. This is what you will become. Turn away those that would tear you down. Cut them from you. You must maintain at all times a united unbreakable front. Let your passions and actions be your words, your platform.
Those from your past will talk, they will jeer and try to bring you down. You must become the master of spin and damage control. Negative publicity can always be turned around and spun to have a positive light. Embrace your past, acknowledge your failings, but show you have risen above them, defeated them and have made a change. Don't run from those things make them work for you! Remember everyone is a sucker for a hard luck story, people always root for the underdog. Your career must take precedence, you must curb your personal feelings and your inner need for gratification, turn your addictions into the drive and motivation you need to propel you forward. Never forget where you came from but keep it moving forward. Give back to the community be charitable and comfortable to acknowledge what you have come through. Show how you rose above what you were and how you triumphed over it. Own it, rule it, once you can do that, it can no longer hurt you. Be candid and open, know in your heart that once it is out there under the spotlight of public life and the intense scrutiny that will follow that it can no longer hurt you, it could possibly benefit you in the long run. Remember that in darkness and shadow deceit and misconceptions grow, and from that darkness can erupt a tidal wave of past misconduct that can pull you under if you aren't ready. Live in the light and keep it right and you will have nothing to fear! You must be brave and suppress your insecurities, because those are the two biggest things that will hold you back and keep you from taking the risks necessary to carry you to the next level.
So what have we learned? How can we be triumphant and dispel the myths, misconceptions, preconceived notions that linger from our checkered past? That to move forward we must make a change, understand that our entire life is up for scrutiny and review. Create a public facade that you want the world to see. Break the mold and the habits that hold you in place. Admit your faults, embrace your differences. Become focused on your career and goals, change those you hang with. Be compassionate with your detractors, show how you rose above your addictions and limitations, cast them in the light of victory. Show how you beat the odds that were stacked against you and that you truly have learned from your past. Be a role model, give hope, courage and love through example. Actions speak louder than words! Remember your roots and be gracious. Put everything in the light keep nothing hidden. Keep it moving forward, be guarded and careful of who you let into circle. Do what you do! Be who you are and you can't fail. Make sure your goals are attainable and reachable. Be a leader not a follower. Know your voice and your message, defend those who can't defend themselves, embrace and be passionate about a cause that is greater than yourself. You are a champion, you have overcome and demonstrated it at every turn. Be fierce and proud, don't be afraid to speak out loud!
You will know beyond a shadow of doubt that you have then made the transition, you have become that public face. Never run from your past because you can never out run it. You can never hide from it either. Remember "What's mead to be will always find its way" be up for the challenge, regard the fates the sisters three: Fate, Karma and Destiny. They weave the tapestry of life, be careful because at a whim they just may snip your thread and end your career. "Into the light Carol-Anne" let the world see how triumphant and successful you can be. Reward yourself, be honest to your self and your cause. Watch and see how easy it can be!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
What two things can keep you from succeeding at your goals and dreams?
Now I know that you know that there are more things that can keep you from succeeding. But the main two that I think of that can kill them before you even start are Fear and Jealousy. Fear alone can hold you back, limit your reasoning to take risks that may be necessary to even start. Fear can keep you from trying something new and exploring every opportunity and avenue that is presented to you. It can also lock you in place because it causes you to doubt your own abilities. Jealousy, whether yours aimed at others or their's aimed at you is the second thing.
Jealousy of others will keep you from focusing on yourself, your abilities and the opportunities that may be there for you because you continually compare where others are at and where you want to be. You become so absorbed in their achievements and let everything in your own life slide. Whereas the jealousy of others aimed at you can come in many forms. They constantly put your down, nitpick your efforts or there is the discord and dissent that they sow around you. It seems like a constant storm of drama that surrounds you. Your temper flairs and all of your emotions seem to be on edge. Your entire energy field is going to be totally out of whack. It might even begin to seem that for each step forward you end up taking five steps further back, and when someone has it in for you it may seem like you never get a break.
There are ways to deal with these things and get your life back into alignment. So, with that being said, let's tackle these head on and see how we can handle them. The first we discussed was fear. As they say fear is really the the enemy itself. You must face them head on. Confront them, stare them down! You may be wondering how you can do that? Easy!! Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going! Don't give up! Because the ally of fear is surrender, to give in to the hopelessness and depression that surrounds your insecurities. Believe it or not the key to understanding fear is a greater understanding of yourself. Fear is fueled by your insecurities and emotions of helplessness and despair. Take heart in your abilities, do the best you can in every situation, approach new task with the understanding that something new and wonderful is waiting for you. Look at the new challenge not as a daunting insurmountable task but as a new learning experience as an opportunity for growth and understanding. Before you know it, you will have mastered whatever it is and the fear that held you prisoner will be gone forever.
Next let's look at jealousy in it's various forms. The first is so easy to conquer that you are going to wonder why it took you so long to figure it out. But trust and believe once you have mastered it, jealously will never be a problem for you ever again. The very first thing you have to realize is that not everything is as easy as it looks. Just because when someone does something and makes it look easy, doesn't necessarily mean that it is. Further, just because you think the perfect opportunity just fell in their lap, doesn't mean that it actually did. This is probably just your perception of the fact, you can tell that it is jealousy because you find yourself wondering constantly how that opportunity fell into their lap and you continue to struggle just to make ends meet. Keep in mind that the old saying the "Grass is greener on the other side", we all know that isn't true. First off, if something looks easy for someone maybe it is because they have different skills and experiences that prepared them for it. Maybe, just maybe you didn't see all the hard work that they put into it. You didn't see their sweat or tears you just caught the end result. Keep in mind that each of us is different, our experiences are all different and so is our skill set. When you finally take your eyes off of what you wish you had and where you hoped to be and focus on the things you have and where you are at.
You might just find you aren't in such a bad place. As a matter of fact if you really look hard enough you are going to realize that you are exactly where you need to be! I know you have heard me say it before, but let me repeat myself here. In order for you to truly be prosperous, you must be content with what you have and be happy with where you are at in each stage of your life. Look inside yourself, give yourself praise and credit for the accomplishments and achievements you have made. Turn your focus from the outer to the inner and find your peace. Not only will this eliminate the jealousy you feel for others, it will stop you from feeling like you aren't where you should be. It will also go a long way at defeating your fears.
The second form of jealousy that I talked about, we will just classify them as "Haters". These are those that are jealous of you. A friend of mine shared a picture with me on Facebook today that summed up this perfectly. It said "Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves because you're a reflection of what they wish to be." They see all of your strengths and accomplishments and it sharpens their realization and attention on their own weaknesses and faults. The best thing to do with these types of people are to keep them at arms length or cut them from your life totally. Sooner or later you are going to realize that they really aren't your friend at all. A friend would want you to succeed and be successful, they build you up and don't tear you down. Anyone that is not building up your confidence and self-esteem or helping you reach the next level in your life really isn't your friend. They are what I call "Frienemies".
For more on what a "Frienemy" is check out my blog entry http://bryanzepp.blogspot.com/2012/07/frienemies-you-know-who-you-are.html
I would appreciate your comments and feedback on this and any other blog entries. You can contact me directly at bryanzepp@gmail.com or via Facebook www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or find me on Google +.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Jealousy of others will keep you from focusing on yourself, your abilities and the opportunities that may be there for you because you continually compare where others are at and where you want to be. You become so absorbed in their achievements and let everything in your own life slide. Whereas the jealousy of others aimed at you can come in many forms. They constantly put your down, nitpick your efforts or there is the discord and dissent that they sow around you. It seems like a constant storm of drama that surrounds you. Your temper flairs and all of your emotions seem to be on edge. Your entire energy field is going to be totally out of whack. It might even begin to seem that for each step forward you end up taking five steps further back, and when someone has it in for you it may seem like you never get a break.
There are ways to deal with these things and get your life back into alignment. So, with that being said, let's tackle these head on and see how we can handle them. The first we discussed was fear. As they say fear is really the the enemy itself. You must face them head on. Confront them, stare them down! You may be wondering how you can do that? Easy!! Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going! Don't give up! Because the ally of fear is surrender, to give in to the hopelessness and depression that surrounds your insecurities. Believe it or not the key to understanding fear is a greater understanding of yourself. Fear is fueled by your insecurities and emotions of helplessness and despair. Take heart in your abilities, do the best you can in every situation, approach new task with the understanding that something new and wonderful is waiting for you. Look at the new challenge not as a daunting insurmountable task but as a new learning experience as an opportunity for growth and understanding. Before you know it, you will have mastered whatever it is and the fear that held you prisoner will be gone forever.
Next let's look at jealousy in it's various forms. The first is so easy to conquer that you are going to wonder why it took you so long to figure it out. But trust and believe once you have mastered it, jealously will never be a problem for you ever again. The very first thing you have to realize is that not everything is as easy as it looks. Just because when someone does something and makes it look easy, doesn't necessarily mean that it is. Further, just because you think the perfect opportunity just fell in their lap, doesn't mean that it actually did. This is probably just your perception of the fact, you can tell that it is jealousy because you find yourself wondering constantly how that opportunity fell into their lap and you continue to struggle just to make ends meet. Keep in mind that the old saying the "Grass is greener on the other side", we all know that isn't true. First off, if something looks easy for someone maybe it is because they have different skills and experiences that prepared them for it. Maybe, just maybe you didn't see all the hard work that they put into it. You didn't see their sweat or tears you just caught the end result. Keep in mind that each of us is different, our experiences are all different and so is our skill set. When you finally take your eyes off of what you wish you had and where you hoped to be and focus on the things you have and where you are at.
You might just find you aren't in such a bad place. As a matter of fact if you really look hard enough you are going to realize that you are exactly where you need to be! I know you have heard me say it before, but let me repeat myself here. In order for you to truly be prosperous, you must be content with what you have and be happy with where you are at in each stage of your life. Look inside yourself, give yourself praise and credit for the accomplishments and achievements you have made. Turn your focus from the outer to the inner and find your peace. Not only will this eliminate the jealousy you feel for others, it will stop you from feeling like you aren't where you should be. It will also go a long way at defeating your fears.
The second form of jealousy that I talked about, we will just classify them as "Haters". These are those that are jealous of you. A friend of mine shared a picture with me on Facebook today that summed up this perfectly. It said "Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves because you're a reflection of what they wish to be." They see all of your strengths and accomplishments and it sharpens their realization and attention on their own weaknesses and faults. The best thing to do with these types of people are to keep them at arms length or cut them from your life totally. Sooner or later you are going to realize that they really aren't your friend at all. A friend would want you to succeed and be successful, they build you up and don't tear you down. Anyone that is not building up your confidence and self-esteem or helping you reach the next level in your life really isn't your friend. They are what I call "Frienemies".
For more on what a "Frienemy" is check out my blog entry http://bryanzepp.blogspot.com/2012/07/frienemies-you-know-who-you-are.html
I would appreciate your comments and feedback on this and any other blog entries. You can contact me directly at bryanzepp@gmail.com or via Facebook www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or find me on Google +.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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