In my life I have had 2 different men tell me that they were changing their sexual preference from gay to straight and I often wonder if that is really and truly possible. If we go back to my earlier blog entry on my thoughts on bisexuality, I would say that it is possible however I don't think it is actually probable. I think that at some point in the future old desires and feelings are going to come back to the foreground and trouble is going to brew. As I stated in my earlier article I feel that we all start out as bisexual and that it is our associations and the associations we form that pull us in one direction or another. If a person has lived their life bonding and feeling closer to men, they tend to become aligned with being gay. In other words the kinship and relationships they feel most comfortable with is with men there fore they tend to be homosexual. The reverse is also true. However, why do you think that gay men have more straight girlfriends than their heterosexual counterparts? That one is easier to explain, because men that tend to bond and form relationships with other men feel a connection to their feminine side and have a natural affinity toward females. Females are not threatened by their gay counterparts and can form close binding friendships with gay men because they have a common interest.
So my question is this, if a gay man finds themselves wanting children and a normal life can they revert back through the years of their lifestyle and become heterosexual? In most cases I don't actually believe that is possible. See I believe that we are the culmination of the events and choices that we have made in our lives. I also feel that each experience that we have molds us and forms a pattern that we become used to. It maybe possible for a person to bury their true feelings and nature for a while, but in the long run the urges and itches are going to once again surface. When that happens lives get shattered and feelings get hurt and there is a sense of betrayal on at least one of the parties concerned. I have known older men that have lived their lives as heterosexual men that play with other men without their spouses being aware of their true nature and their desires. I have also seen some of those men at a later age in life come clean about their sexuality and how it disrupts their families and hurts the ones they love and care about. How do you think you would feel if you were married to someone for 20 years only to find out that they secretly had feelings for someone of the same sex and that there was nothing you could do to compete.
Now, also imagine if after 20 years you have children that are involved. How do you think they would feel finding out that one of their parents wasn't who they thought they were? Believe me their world would be turned upside down and there would be a lot of pain and confusion. Eventually as time goes on I believe that hurt would lessen and love and feelings would eventually come back. But, realize this, the damage has been done and only time and distance will make those hurts fade. Again my question is it actually possible for a person to go against the pattern that they have been living and totally change? I think that maybe it could be if the desire was strong enough, and that they were never truly comfortable with the choices they have made in the past. However, I do honestly believe that we are creatures of habit and that our lives revolve in patterns, and once a pattern has been ingrained for years on end, I don't honestly believe that a conscious change will hold up and keep for the long haul. I honestly think as I said earlier that those feelings and the old patterns will reemerge at a later point.
It is important for you to understand that you have to be totally honest with yourself and your feelings. If you have a strong desire to have a child there are ways you can accomplish that without trying to rewrite and change your whole history. As a friend of mine is finding out, most people don't believe that he has changed and that over time he will revert back to his old ways. Personally my feelings on this are as I stated above, I believe that under certain circumstances a change can be made, but I am not 100 percent convinced that the change will be permanent. I am reminded of a movie I once saw where a bisexual guy dated a gay man for awhile. The bisexual went on to marry a woman, however years later that same man came back to his old gay partner and found that what he was really looking for was there all along, that he didn't really fit in to either lifestyle and the closest he could find to what he was looking for was the gay man and his son. In some of us the desire to have a child is so strong that we go to extremes to have one, and in the long run end up running the risk of ourselves not being happy, and having to live a lie that we are not entirely comfortable with. I am here to tell you that there are ways around this misconception and no one has to get hurt. The truth of the matter is like in all things in life you have to start with yourself and be completely honest with yourself and how you are feeling. You have to look inward and truly search your heart and desires and see what it is that you really want and how comfortable you feel.
If you have always found yourself attracted to men, and have had relationships with them in the past, I am not sure you are going to be happy trying to change your sexuality just because you want to have a child or you think that it will make your family and friends happy. What you have to do is live for yourself and make yourself happy. See I know for a fact only you have your own best interest at heart and that only you can make yourself happy all of the time, but you have to be honest with yourself and completely receptive to the feelings that you keep bottled up inside of yourself. As I have told you in previous entries there is still a part of me that is attracted to women, however, I find that I have an easier time bonding with and associating with men. Therefore I know that I am gay. I feel comfortable in gay relationships, however I see the attraction and acceptance one would feel if they could find themselves accepted as normal and straight in today's society. I also know the desire to have a child and I know that with my health and other conditions that it will probably never happen unless I adopt or chose someone else's child to raise as my own.
But I guess I have been hitting all around my question and I have given a wishy-washy answer. Can a person change their sexuality and live with it and not end up reverting back at some point in the future? Honestly, I don't know for sure. I know that my first lover is married now and she knows about his past and has accepted him for it. I know she also knows about me and the feelings that we once had for each other. I also know that he broke off all ties and communication with me years ago because he didn't think his wife would understand his communicating with an ex that he had a long term relationship with. I can't say that I blame him for that one. But what do I know of his exploits from that point? I can honestly say nothing. My friend that is going through this now, is at the beginning and I am not sure what his true feelings are a this point because I haven't really had a chance to talk to him in depth about his decision and the motivations behind it.
What I do know is that no matter the outcome of either of their relationships, I am still their friend and always will be. When I tell someone I am their friend I am their friend till the end with no questions asked. See to me it doesn't matter about your orientation or preferences, you are still the person I knew and loved and offered my hand too in friendship and nothing is going to change that. You cannot take away all of our experiences together nor can you deny all the interactions we have experienced as friends.
So in the long run do I care if someone is gay or straight or bisexual? No, it matters little to me. See it is the person that I am friends with and if I am truly your friend I accept you for you, who you were when I met you and the person you are going to become. I accept you fully, that means the good the bad and the indifferent. See I have found that the human heart has a great capacity for love. The is no limit to the number of people we can love, our hearts are as big as our brains and if you truly accept a person and are their friend you are going to accept them unconditionally and totally. You are going to be supportive and help them carry out their goals and plans. You are going to stand by them and offer them words of encouragement and advice on each and every situation they find themselves in. A friendship is a type of relationship that is built as much on trust and communication as it is on love and understanding. There is a reason why you and your friends always seem to get over the fights and work through the tough times and remain friends. That is because of love and the heart and energy you put into those friendships.
Will my friend be successful in his heterosexual journey, I am not sure or convinced at this point, but I will tell you what, it is my responsibility to support his decision and offer him the advice and guidance I can to help him reach the goal he has set for himself at this point. Whether he makes it and keeps living it, is up to him. But I will be there for him no matter the outcome.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label bisexual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bisexual. Show all posts
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Unity is the key to Equality
A friend of mine and I were talking the other day about the disparity between cultures, he is African-American and I am Caucasian. During the conversation I realized that these same divides exist within the gay community. Whether you are black, white, asian, hispanic or any other ethnic group doesn't really matter because first and foremost you are apart of the culture in which you are born. Then comes the community where you identify yourself with sexually. These being Gay, Lesbian, Transgender or Bisexual, and this is where things start to get complicated. There has been a comparison or synthesis created that likens the Gay Equality Movement to the Civil Rights movement or the Women's Suffrage Movement. Now, I believe that there needs to be equality, but the comparisons are wrong. First off, all segments of the population already have the basic freedoms that both the other movements created. The gay segment of population is transparent and not readily identifiable unless a person speaks out about their orientation.
Bear with me here, because this is how I see things. First the women's vote grants that privileged to all women regardless of sexual orientation. With WWII the trend of a stay at home mother started to shift, because as the boy's were overseas fighting, women took to the factories and kept America's industries and economy moving and fluid. This gave women the taste of what it was like to be broken out of the stereotype that they had found themselves in for centuries. As the 1950's and 60's passed on more and more women found themselves not only wanting to work, but did enter the workforce and started making money, by the 1980's many families had both parents working. Now, granted there are still inequalities in the workforce, but as the years have gone by we have seen more and more of those barriers broken down. A female can now run corporations, serve as Secretary of State, and be Heads of State. Margaret Thatcher was a prime example how a woman who started out as a correspondent rose to power and was the Prime Minister of Great Britain. My point being is that most of the social barriers that stereotyped women and kept them in the kitchen, so to speak have been broken down and discarded.
Keeping this in mind, lets look at the Civil Rights Movement and the great strides that have been made on that front. Again, I am not saying that there still aren't inequalities out there, because I know there are, but great strides have been made to ensure that African-Americans are given the same rights as Caucasians, significantly with the right to vote, hold office, and the end of segregation. There are still stigmas associated with interracial relationships, but those barriers are falling more and more each year. Just as the Women's Suffrage Movement ensured all women the right to vote and hold office, so has the Civil Rights Movement ensured that all African-Americans have the same rights to vote, hold office, and as such the racial barriers have started being torn down. President Obama made history as the first duly elected African-American to hold the Office of the President of the United States, there are now Judges, Lawyers, prominent businessmen and women that are African-American.
We must thank those who came before us and stood up and fought for those rights to be granted, we must take into consideration the sacrifice, terror and even death that some of these early organizers and leaders suffered and faced. I think of people like Martin Luther King, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Susan B. Anthony, Lucy Stone, Elizabeth Stanton and others that paved the way for these "Civil Liberties" to be granted to ensure that all men and women were treated fairly and equally. Each of these people either risked their lives or lost them in the fight for other people, to stop the oppression and fear and in some cases the poverty conditions that were forced upon them by a rigid so-called moral society that was largely presided over them by prejudice and bigotry and intolerance by the ruling powers.
As I look at the Equality or Equal Rights Movement that the gay community is seeking, I often wonder if it can be achieved. Like I have said above, the majority of the rights and freedoms that have been hard won by the previous movements where because a social distinction was visible, tangible and easily seen. We have fought hard and have come so far, there is now included in the anti-discrimination policy of the United States that there cannot be discrimination based on sexual orientation. There are questions that employers cannot ask and there are protections now in place for legal recourse if someone is questioned or even fired because of such discrimination. There are also hate crime laws that exist in almost every state that help protect minorities, including the gay community under that umbrella.
I see that there is a major problem that still needs to be addressed by the Gay Community if they ever hope to achieve the Equality that they are seeking. I look at the gay community as a whole, but unfortunately I am one of the few. See even in our community, yes I am gay and consider myself as a member of this community, we have segregated ourselves, we have formed lines in the sand that separate us and keep us apart. I hope that I can explain myself good enough to make you understand what I see. First let me explain that when I came out in the early 80's the Pride Movement was well underway, but enter the picture of HIV and AIDS which helped change the face of the movement and it went more toward Gay Rights and Equality Movement than that of Pride. I know some of you might disagree with me. But, let me try to explain that the Pride Movement was started to remember the police raid on the Stonewall Inn and the resulting riots that followed. According to Wikipedia "Pride is the positive stance against violence and discrimination against the (LGBT) people to promote their self-affirmation, equality rights, and increase their visibility as social group, build community, and celebrate sexual diversity and gender variance."
However, how can we expect others to see us as a community or a social group if we cannot even come together and break down the barriers that separate the defining groups. Over the past few years I have seen a decline in the negative stance between gay and lesbian groups, but there is still a gulf that separates the transgenders that still needs to be bridged. Bisexuals straddle the fence and seem hold themselves separate from any group and that might be because they don't feel like they are a part of any one particular group because they don't feel connected to them. My point is this we need to embrace and espouse unity within our own community if we expect those outside of our community to respect us and grant us the equality we are seeking. We need to break down the walls and social stigmas that keep us apart within our own community before we can hope to break them down in the world as a whole. Maybe one reason why the Transgender group holds themselves apart is because just like the bisexual group they don't feel connected or a part of either the gay or lesbian group, and maybe the gay and lesbian group don't feel connected to each other because they feel that their gender is the separating factor and that they aren't connected at all.
Again, I am asking you to bear with me as I go down this road, because I think that we need to destroy the walls that separate us if we want to be accepted and achieve the social standing and rights our community is desperately fighting for, including the right to Gay Marriage. The term Gay is a noun that is used to describe homosexual behavior. Homosexual or homosexuality is sexual attraction, activity or behavior between the same sex. Therefore, utilizing that definition there is no real thing as Lesbians or Gays there is only homosexuals. Bisexuals hover on the edge of that, and transgenders fall into this category regardless of gender assignment. Overall, I guess what I am trying to say and probably doing a horrible job trying to make the points clear. Because the Gay Community is compromised of all ethnic groups and cultures, this makes the group fluid and hard to see, therefore it is hard for lawmakers and others to see it as a separate group. Internally we break ourselves into groups, or in other words we segregate ourselves voluntarily. If we want to win the right to marry and ensure that the protections against violence and discrimination remain in place we need to come together and unify ourselves first before anyone else will do this for us.
As a community we need to learn the meaning of community, we need to figure out how we as a group can experience the fellowship and brotherhood that I have seen in the African-American culture. From an early age they learn that they are stronger as a whole and the community stands together as one, they can lean on each other, and they have each others back. Now, this might be a matter of perspective since I am on the outside looking into that community. I will admit that I have been in interracial relationships before and that I prefer to date African-American men, but I have been always on the outside never truly understanding the subtle nuances of the entire culture. Yet, I see that only way the Equality that the Gay Community wants and needs can only be achieved if we come together and unify, and we break down the barriers within our own community. In all honesty the basic tenets and freedoms have already been granted us, protections against violence, discrimination, are already enacted into law. Gay activists and lobbyist groups are already formed, we have organized marches and leadership and focus groups to demand greater awareness, training and funding for HIV/AIDS. What is missing is the right to marry or have our unions recognized by the state and federal governments and the ability to have the rights and responsibilities that married heterosexual couples experience today.
Again, the only way that this can be achieved is through unity, and unifying our community by promoting a sense of unity, acceptance and love. Promoting a true sense of community that is currently missing in our gay culture today because of our segregated ideals that we have placed upon ourselves is the only way we can achieve the equality and acceptance we are looking for.
I would appreciate your comments and feedback. I would love to hear if you agree or disagree with me.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Bear with me here, because this is how I see things. First the women's vote grants that privileged to all women regardless of sexual orientation. With WWII the trend of a stay at home mother started to shift, because as the boy's were overseas fighting, women took to the factories and kept America's industries and economy moving and fluid. This gave women the taste of what it was like to be broken out of the stereotype that they had found themselves in for centuries. As the 1950's and 60's passed on more and more women found themselves not only wanting to work, but did enter the workforce and started making money, by the 1980's many families had both parents working. Now, granted there are still inequalities in the workforce, but as the years have gone by we have seen more and more of those barriers broken down. A female can now run corporations, serve as Secretary of State, and be Heads of State. Margaret Thatcher was a prime example how a woman who started out as a correspondent rose to power and was the Prime Minister of Great Britain. My point being is that most of the social barriers that stereotyped women and kept them in the kitchen, so to speak have been broken down and discarded.
Keeping this in mind, lets look at the Civil Rights Movement and the great strides that have been made on that front. Again, I am not saying that there still aren't inequalities out there, because I know there are, but great strides have been made to ensure that African-Americans are given the same rights as Caucasians, significantly with the right to vote, hold office, and the end of segregation. There are still stigmas associated with interracial relationships, but those barriers are falling more and more each year. Just as the Women's Suffrage Movement ensured all women the right to vote and hold office, so has the Civil Rights Movement ensured that all African-Americans have the same rights to vote, hold office, and as such the racial barriers have started being torn down. President Obama made history as the first duly elected African-American to hold the Office of the President of the United States, there are now Judges, Lawyers, prominent businessmen and women that are African-American.
We must thank those who came before us and stood up and fought for those rights to be granted, we must take into consideration the sacrifice, terror and even death that some of these early organizers and leaders suffered and faced. I think of people like Martin Luther King, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Susan B. Anthony, Lucy Stone, Elizabeth Stanton and others that paved the way for these "Civil Liberties" to be granted to ensure that all men and women were treated fairly and equally. Each of these people either risked their lives or lost them in the fight for other people, to stop the oppression and fear and in some cases the poverty conditions that were forced upon them by a rigid so-called moral society that was largely presided over them by prejudice and bigotry and intolerance by the ruling powers.
As I look at the Equality or Equal Rights Movement that the gay community is seeking, I often wonder if it can be achieved. Like I have said above, the majority of the rights and freedoms that have been hard won by the previous movements where because a social distinction was visible, tangible and easily seen. We have fought hard and have come so far, there is now included in the anti-discrimination policy of the United States that there cannot be discrimination based on sexual orientation. There are questions that employers cannot ask and there are protections now in place for legal recourse if someone is questioned or even fired because of such discrimination. There are also hate crime laws that exist in almost every state that help protect minorities, including the gay community under that umbrella.
I see that there is a major problem that still needs to be addressed by the Gay Community if they ever hope to achieve the Equality that they are seeking. I look at the gay community as a whole, but unfortunately I am one of the few. See even in our community, yes I am gay and consider myself as a member of this community, we have segregated ourselves, we have formed lines in the sand that separate us and keep us apart. I hope that I can explain myself good enough to make you understand what I see. First let me explain that when I came out in the early 80's the Pride Movement was well underway, but enter the picture of HIV and AIDS which helped change the face of the movement and it went more toward Gay Rights and Equality Movement than that of Pride. I know some of you might disagree with me. But, let me try to explain that the Pride Movement was started to remember the police raid on the Stonewall Inn and the resulting riots that followed. According to Wikipedia "Pride is the positive stance against violence and discrimination against the (LGBT) people to promote their self-affirmation, equality rights, and increase their visibility as social group, build community, and celebrate sexual diversity and gender variance."
However, how can we expect others to see us as a community or a social group if we cannot even come together and break down the barriers that separate the defining groups. Over the past few years I have seen a decline in the negative stance between gay and lesbian groups, but there is still a gulf that separates the transgenders that still needs to be bridged. Bisexuals straddle the fence and seem hold themselves separate from any group and that might be because they don't feel like they are a part of any one particular group because they don't feel connected to them. My point is this we need to embrace and espouse unity within our own community if we expect those outside of our community to respect us and grant us the equality we are seeking. We need to break down the walls and social stigmas that keep us apart within our own community before we can hope to break them down in the world as a whole. Maybe one reason why the Transgender group holds themselves apart is because just like the bisexual group they don't feel connected or a part of either the gay or lesbian group, and maybe the gay and lesbian group don't feel connected to each other because they feel that their gender is the separating factor and that they aren't connected at all.
Again, I am asking you to bear with me as I go down this road, because I think that we need to destroy the walls that separate us if we want to be accepted and achieve the social standing and rights our community is desperately fighting for, including the right to Gay Marriage. The term Gay is a noun that is used to describe homosexual behavior. Homosexual or homosexuality is sexual attraction, activity or behavior between the same sex. Therefore, utilizing that definition there is no real thing as Lesbians or Gays there is only homosexuals. Bisexuals hover on the edge of that, and transgenders fall into this category regardless of gender assignment. Overall, I guess what I am trying to say and probably doing a horrible job trying to make the points clear. Because the Gay Community is compromised of all ethnic groups and cultures, this makes the group fluid and hard to see, therefore it is hard for lawmakers and others to see it as a separate group. Internally we break ourselves into groups, or in other words we segregate ourselves voluntarily. If we want to win the right to marry and ensure that the protections against violence and discrimination remain in place we need to come together and unify ourselves first before anyone else will do this for us.
As a community we need to learn the meaning of community, we need to figure out how we as a group can experience the fellowship and brotherhood that I have seen in the African-American culture. From an early age they learn that they are stronger as a whole and the community stands together as one, they can lean on each other, and they have each others back. Now, this might be a matter of perspective since I am on the outside looking into that community. I will admit that I have been in interracial relationships before and that I prefer to date African-American men, but I have been always on the outside never truly understanding the subtle nuances of the entire culture. Yet, I see that only way the Equality that the Gay Community wants and needs can only be achieved if we come together and unify, and we break down the barriers within our own community. In all honesty the basic tenets and freedoms have already been granted us, protections against violence, discrimination, are already enacted into law. Gay activists and lobbyist groups are already formed, we have organized marches and leadership and focus groups to demand greater awareness, training and funding for HIV/AIDS. What is missing is the right to marry or have our unions recognized by the state and federal governments and the ability to have the rights and responsibilities that married heterosexual couples experience today.
Again, the only way that this can be achieved is through unity, and unifying our community by promoting a sense of unity, acceptance and love. Promoting a true sense of community that is currently missing in our gay culture today because of our segregated ideals that we have placed upon ourselves is the only way we can achieve the equality and acceptance we are looking for.
I would appreciate your comments and feedback. I would love to hear if you agree or disagree with me.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Bisexuality....My take on the subject
I honestly don't think many people like to be labeled one thing or another, but I was thinking about bisexuality the other day and it began to dawn on me that we are all born bisexual. It is only after we start to form bonds with others that it becomes evident that we are part of one group or another. It seems to me that as we grow and mature, the attraction between one sex or the other starts to outweigh one another. For example in elementary school and middle school I was attracted to both guys and girls, in high school I still dated girls, but it was here that I finally started to be attracted to guys more than girls, and then after high school when I was in the Navy and away from home, I was finally able to explore my sexuality and come to terms with who I was.
Experimentation is a part of everyone's life. I am sure everybody has a story that they could tell you about a friend that they played around with and so forth. It is only when we feel that we bond easier with one sex over the other that we realize or begin to identify with that sexual group. Some people never get out of that stage and enjoy the company of both sexes. People in this category don't necessarily find it harder or easier to bond with male or female, honestly they feel comfortable bonding with either/or depending on the person. In this entry I am going to use the term "homosexual" or "gay" to describe both male and female attraction to the same sex. It will make it that much easier for conversation sake.
Homosexuality has been around as long as man has been on the earth. In ancient times it wasn't as taboo or frowned upon as it is today. There were less stigmas associated with the behavior, and you were free to engage in either same-sex or opposite-sex at your leisure. Bisexuality was probably pretty prevalent in those times. Men and women were more understanding and shared their partners more readily then we do today. Our culture doesn't encourage multiple partners or mates, unless you were part of the old Mormon Faith that believed in polygamy, or still follow more ancient forms of religion like paganism. In countries that practice Buddhism they may take more than one mate because a marriage in their religion is not a sacrament and is considered purely a secular affair. If you find yourself attracted to members of the same sex as well as those of the opposite sex, I encourage you to expand your horizons and actually indulge in those attractions, explore the feelings and intimacy that both offer.
Don't be afraid, empower yourself to seek and discover the benefits of both. You don't have to label yourself as one or the other, be open minded and explore. Youth is meant for taking chances, exploring hidden pleasures and choosing a direction for your life. While you are experiencing and opening yourself up to life and all it's pleasures you are going to begin to feel which group you form closer attachments to and who you feel more comfortable with. As I have said over and over again in other blog entries, experiment and think outside the box, above all else keep an open mind and enjoy the pleasure and sensations you are feeling. Release the feelings of guilt, that are fostered on you by religion and societal pressures there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, and everyone has tried it in some form or fashion at least once in their lives. Some believe that if you are gay or bisexual that you have chosen this path, and I can tell you, I for one did not make a conscious decision to be gay. I can tell you that over time I felt I could bond and understand males more than females. I felt more comfortable being with males and I felt closer to them than I did females. As I have told you I dated both for a long time, and over time the affinity I felt for males begun to outweigh what I felt for females. Most of my best friends are females, I feel a kinship to them, I think because we have similar interests and habits. I can also tell you this, if I would have been able to make a choice, I would never have chosen the course that I am on.
Gay relationships are harder than straight ones, and have their own internal pressure as well as the pressure from outside. All because society's views are that of being closed minded and repressive. We are taught that it is wrong to care for someone of the same sex, and it is preached against in the church and so forth. We have to deal with all those pressures, as well as the ridicule and hate that are spawned by those teachings. Which is why some people choose to hide their sexuality and live dual lives and hide behind lies. By doing such they carry a tremendous amount of pressure and guilt upon their shoulders. For a better picture of what I am talking about above I suggest that you read my entry on "Coming out a tale of fear" I talk about some of the same things in it. Societal norms and pressure put on today's youth about their sexuality and preference is extremely prejudicial and makes it hard for them to deal with the feelings that they feel inside of them, and with those feelings, comes fear of discover, fear of being different, fear of not being excepted, fear of being ridiculed and the total fear that everyone they know will abandon them. Trust me coming to terms with your own sexuality is one of the hardest things you are going to have to do. But as I have stated I am a firm believer that this is not a personal choice we are born the way we are and we gravitate and feel a connection with one or the opposite sex as we develop and mature more. The group we eventually align with or are drawn to is dependent solely on which group we feel more closely connected to and bond easier with.
When we are conceived without gender, the gender assignment doesn't happen till the 13th week of pregnancy or after. Hormones present in the amniotic fluid help the embryo develop into a male or female fetus. The hormone for males is testosterone and estrogen for the females. but up until the 16th week of pregnancy the developing genitalia are identical apart from the hormone that is present in the maternal system, which helps identify what sex the baby is going to be when born. So from conception till week 16 both the male and female zygote, embryo to fetus transition happens exactly the same, there is no way to determine what gender they are going to be, except by testing the hormone levels, and depending on the mother's hormone levels this too could be misleading. A woman with high levels of testosterone would give an abnormal reading at first as would a woman with the reverse, high levels of estrogen. In some rare cases human children have been born of both sexes. Having developed male and female genitalia. Again, this research just goes to prove that we are of both sexes till some point in the maturation process within the womb, therefore it is probable that bisexuality is a natural condition for us humans, and that we let society and religion taint it and make it wrong.
What you should come away with from here is that you shouldn't be afraid to explore your own sexuality, and should feel comfortable with what you do. There is no shame in experimentation and discovering for yourself what feels enjoyable. Don't let society pressure you into a role that you are uncomfortable with. There is no shame in remaining bisexual, maybe you find sex with both sexes extremely pleasurable. I see nothing wrong in that at all. Most of us, if not all have experimented. Some like me have found that we bond and attach more easily to men, over time the attraction toward men becomes stronger and we identify ourselves as being gay. However, others will find that the attraction to the opposite sex grows stronger as the grow and mature so they associate themselves with being heterosexual or straight. Though there are those that can label themselves anyway they want and still find beauty in both sexes. I know I do, though I openly consider myself gay, I still find some women very attractive and talk to them. Of course, I catch myself looking at men too and finding them attractive.
A word of caution don't let other people tell you what you are and what you are supposed to be. You are you and only you can decide what is going to make you happy. I have known so many men that have stayed in the closet and gotten married and had children who continue to play with members of the same sex behind their spouses back. I have even know a few that decided well into their marriage that they couldn't stand to live with the lies and deceptions any longer so they tell their family. Everyone gets hurt in that scenario. I ask you to be brutally honest with yourself and those around you. Don't let a lie destroy you and hurt the people you care about, and be sure you are ready to make a commitment before you jump into something. Again I suggest you try it before you knock it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Experimentation is a part of everyone's life. I am sure everybody has a story that they could tell you about a friend that they played around with and so forth. It is only when we feel that we bond easier with one sex over the other that we realize or begin to identify with that sexual group. Some people never get out of that stage and enjoy the company of both sexes. People in this category don't necessarily find it harder or easier to bond with male or female, honestly they feel comfortable bonding with either/or depending on the person. In this entry I am going to use the term "homosexual" or "gay" to describe both male and female attraction to the same sex. It will make it that much easier for conversation sake.
Homosexuality has been around as long as man has been on the earth. In ancient times it wasn't as taboo or frowned upon as it is today. There were less stigmas associated with the behavior, and you were free to engage in either same-sex or opposite-sex at your leisure. Bisexuality was probably pretty prevalent in those times. Men and women were more understanding and shared their partners more readily then we do today. Our culture doesn't encourage multiple partners or mates, unless you were part of the old Mormon Faith that believed in polygamy, or still follow more ancient forms of religion like paganism. In countries that practice Buddhism they may take more than one mate because a marriage in their religion is not a sacrament and is considered purely a secular affair. If you find yourself attracted to members of the same sex as well as those of the opposite sex, I encourage you to expand your horizons and actually indulge in those attractions, explore the feelings and intimacy that both offer.
Don't be afraid, empower yourself to seek and discover the benefits of both. You don't have to label yourself as one or the other, be open minded and explore. Youth is meant for taking chances, exploring hidden pleasures and choosing a direction for your life. While you are experiencing and opening yourself up to life and all it's pleasures you are going to begin to feel which group you form closer attachments to and who you feel more comfortable with. As I have said over and over again in other blog entries, experiment and think outside the box, above all else keep an open mind and enjoy the pleasure and sensations you are feeling. Release the feelings of guilt, that are fostered on you by religion and societal pressures there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, and everyone has tried it in some form or fashion at least once in their lives. Some believe that if you are gay or bisexual that you have chosen this path, and I can tell you, I for one did not make a conscious decision to be gay. I can tell you that over time I felt I could bond and understand males more than females. I felt more comfortable being with males and I felt closer to them than I did females. As I have told you I dated both for a long time, and over time the affinity I felt for males begun to outweigh what I felt for females. Most of my best friends are females, I feel a kinship to them, I think because we have similar interests and habits. I can also tell you this, if I would have been able to make a choice, I would never have chosen the course that I am on.
Gay relationships are harder than straight ones, and have their own internal pressure as well as the pressure from outside. All because society's views are that of being closed minded and repressive. We are taught that it is wrong to care for someone of the same sex, and it is preached against in the church and so forth. We have to deal with all those pressures, as well as the ridicule and hate that are spawned by those teachings. Which is why some people choose to hide their sexuality and live dual lives and hide behind lies. By doing such they carry a tremendous amount of pressure and guilt upon their shoulders. For a better picture of what I am talking about above I suggest that you read my entry on "Coming out a tale of fear" I talk about some of the same things in it. Societal norms and pressure put on today's youth about their sexuality and preference is extremely prejudicial and makes it hard for them to deal with the feelings that they feel inside of them, and with those feelings, comes fear of discover, fear of being different, fear of not being excepted, fear of being ridiculed and the total fear that everyone they know will abandon them. Trust me coming to terms with your own sexuality is one of the hardest things you are going to have to do. But as I have stated I am a firm believer that this is not a personal choice we are born the way we are and we gravitate and feel a connection with one or the opposite sex as we develop and mature more. The group we eventually align with or are drawn to is dependent solely on which group we feel more closely connected to and bond easier with.
When we are conceived without gender, the gender assignment doesn't happen till the 13th week of pregnancy or after. Hormones present in the amniotic fluid help the embryo develop into a male or female fetus. The hormone for males is testosterone and estrogen for the females. but up until the 16th week of pregnancy the developing genitalia are identical apart from the hormone that is present in the maternal system, which helps identify what sex the baby is going to be when born. So from conception till week 16 both the male and female zygote, embryo to fetus transition happens exactly the same, there is no way to determine what gender they are going to be, except by testing the hormone levels, and depending on the mother's hormone levels this too could be misleading. A woman with high levels of testosterone would give an abnormal reading at first as would a woman with the reverse, high levels of estrogen. In some rare cases human children have been born of both sexes. Having developed male and female genitalia. Again, this research just goes to prove that we are of both sexes till some point in the maturation process within the womb, therefore it is probable that bisexuality is a natural condition for us humans, and that we let society and religion taint it and make it wrong.
What you should come away with from here is that you shouldn't be afraid to explore your own sexuality, and should feel comfortable with what you do. There is no shame in experimentation and discovering for yourself what feels enjoyable. Don't let society pressure you into a role that you are uncomfortable with. There is no shame in remaining bisexual, maybe you find sex with both sexes extremely pleasurable. I see nothing wrong in that at all. Most of us, if not all have experimented. Some like me have found that we bond and attach more easily to men, over time the attraction toward men becomes stronger and we identify ourselves as being gay. However, others will find that the attraction to the opposite sex grows stronger as the grow and mature so they associate themselves with being heterosexual or straight. Though there are those that can label themselves anyway they want and still find beauty in both sexes. I know I do, though I openly consider myself gay, I still find some women very attractive and talk to them. Of course, I catch myself looking at men too and finding them attractive.
A word of caution don't let other people tell you what you are and what you are supposed to be. You are you and only you can decide what is going to make you happy. I have known so many men that have stayed in the closet and gotten married and had children who continue to play with members of the same sex behind their spouses back. I have even know a few that decided well into their marriage that they couldn't stand to live with the lies and deceptions any longer so they tell their family. Everyone gets hurt in that scenario. I ask you to be brutally honest with yourself and those around you. Don't let a lie destroy you and hurt the people you care about, and be sure you are ready to make a commitment before you jump into something. Again I suggest you try it before you knock it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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