I want to talk to you about inspiration, about those people that have touched your life and have shown you that there is strength and power by living through or overcoming a personal tragedy. I know you have heard me before that I find inspiration in a lot of things that happen around me. But there is so much more to my story that I think you might find interesting. I would like to take you back 22 years with me into my personal history. There is a story there that needs to be retold. I am sure it will enlighten a great many of you, and explain some of my more hard to understand habits. To give you a little background filler before I dive into the actual story, I graduated high school in 1986 in June, by September 1986 I was starting my adventure in the Navy.
Just so that you understand this totally, I knew already by that time that I was gay. I embraced my nature and used my time in the Navy to explore my sexuality. You may have heard me say a time or two that I have no regrets and feel no remorse for any of my actions. However, after reading my friends post the other day, and then writing the blog entry "It's never too late to learn something new about ourselves" and then "True Friendship" I began to realize that I do have one regret. One unforgivable action/reaction on my part, that was to have the biggest wide ranging affect on my life. This one deed would change me, it was a defining moment in my history, that changed my outlook on everything, it was the single most terrifying experience of my life, and the horrible and damnable action that ensured that I would never treat anyone cavalierly again.
It was December 1, 1989 my 21st birthday, I had met someone in 1987 when I was first transferred from Great Lakes to Norfolk, VA. He was a marine and at the time I thought he was stationed at Portsmouth Naval Hospital. We really liked each other, but here I was very young and naive and what he was about to tell me that night so long ago changed my life forever. Some of you who are close to me may already know this, so at this point I must ask you to bear with me let me retell the story, because I am sure that there are parts here that you are unaware of. To celebrate my birthday we had gotten a hotel room for the weekend in Norfolk and we had a fun filled fabulous weekend all planned. Both of us were off duty for the weekend and we were going to celebrate my birthday in style. Oh, how I wished that was what happened, but that night as we were getting ready to celebrate my coming of age, I was soaking in the bathtub, we had planned to go out to dinner first and then go to the Oar House, a gay bar in Norfolk, because I could legally drink and enjoy myself. But as I said none of that ever happened.
I am not sure what prompted him to reveal to me that very night what he did, and I guess I will never know the reason why. But as I was sitting there soaking, he came into the bathroom, he had a ring in a little box, as he bent down to give it too me he stopped and kissed me and said, I have to tell you something. I was so excited I immediately begged for him to tell me, and what unfolded pretty much ruined our plans, and certainly my actions doomed the entire relationship in that one instant. He said to me "Bryan, I have to be honest with you, because I love you and want to spend my life with you, but there is something you need to know. I am not stationed at Portsmouth like I let you believe, I am a patient there:" He held my hand and looked me in the eye and I saw tears forming and I got very scared, I begged for him to tell me. This is what he said "I am HIV Positive and I am here for treatment, do you know what HIV is? You do realize that it is going to kill me, I don't know how long I have or how this is all going to pan out, but I want to spend what time I have with you." My heart sank at that moment and we both sat there crying. I tried to be brave, but guess what I didn't understand, I didn't know enough about the disease and I was scared. We stayed in that night, but the next morning I made the single most fatal mistake I could ever make. I made an excuse, took his car and left, I avoided him for the next two days, leaving him a message that I had parked his car at his barracks and had given the keys to the master at arms. He called and called and I wouldn't take his calls, finally I gave in on the third day. We had lunch at the commissary, and he tried to talk to me, reassure me, but again, I was young and very very dumb. I pretended I was listening, I shook my head and made the proper acknowledgements, and then I left. It would be almost 2 months before we would see each other again.
In that two months, I learned everything I could about the disease, I called my mother who was a nurse, I talked to the doctors at the Naval hospital to find out how they were treating him, and when I felt comfortable enough and armed enough with enough knowledge I went back to see him, to apologize for my behavior and my reaction, but fate would have it another way. The drugs they were throwing at patients back then, were nothing like they are now. Doctors had no real idea of what they were doing, and the combination of AZT and other medicines blasted the body, in attempts to kill the virus, but it also destroyed the remaining immune system. Now, realize that 2 months had passed since I was told, and he had found out he was sick 6 months earlier, and by the next month he would be gone forever. Worse than anything, he never ever got to hear my apology, and will never know that the last 2 months of his life I was there with him every day and night around my duty schedule. See, by the time I had finally come to my senses and realized that he needed me and that there was nothing to be afraid of, AIDS related dementia had set in. There were a couple of days when he was lucid and seemed to remember things, but in the end the very last day, his family was there and I walked into the room and he look up and said "Who the fuck are you? and What are you doing here?" I had lost him, he died that afternoon, and never knew how sorry I was, how I regretted my actions, how I robbed him of the only happiness that he wanted. How I cheated him and betrayed his love and trust.
It is because of what happened that day in March 1990 that I changed my life, the way I approached things, I became the person I am today. I dedicated my life to loving and helping others, to care for those sick and to fight for their rights, I marched on Washington with the other people that were affected by HIV/AIDS, I have participated in the PRIDE marches, became an advocate and activist working to find a cure. He was the first person I lost to the disease but unfortunately not the last. In 2002 I lost my one of my best friends he just celebrated his 31st birthday, and there have been so many others. People always want to know why I go out of my way to help others, why I give away everything I have trying to make other peoples lives better, why I reach my hand out to teach them how to take care of themselves and why I struggled to keep people off the street. Here is the reason why! I never got to say good-bye, I never could apologize or take back my actions for deserting my first lover to the cruel clutches of a disease I barely understood. But, I damn well could make up for it and atone for what I did for the rest of my life. It has been 23 years now, and I still feel the same way. But now I am not just affected by the disease I am infected. In December of 2006, I was diagnosed with HIV, I immediately went on the retro-virals and antivirals because of my medical history. I have been undetectable ever since.
In the past I have heard people describe me as being fake and phony, even two-faced, and why? Because everyone thought I was too good to be true, they couldn't believe that I was so nice, they kept trying to see where the other foot was coming down from. Because they believed that no one could be nice and loving and kind like I have been. Over the years many people have taken advantage of my kindness they took it for a weakness and tried to exploit it. Sadly some succeeded, but most came to realize over time, that I was just what I appeared to be, someone who genuinely loved other people, regardless of their health, race, sexual orientation, creed, culture, whatever. Those who took the time to get to know me realized that I was the same year after year and time after time.
Now, I am going to take a minute and pat myself on the back and sing my own praises. I am sure John, Sa'corey, Patrick, Judy, Nathan, Kerrion and others can attest and will tell you I am not lying about this. In my lifetime I have helped hundreds of people, taken them in off the street, giving them food, shelter and whatever else I could to help them, taught them how to look after themselves, some I helped get into school, get a job, or whatever they needed at the time. To the world at large I never let anyone outside of my intimate circle ever know how hard I struggled, how much it cost me, I never had an unkind word to say about anyone, and I gave till it physically hurt me, almost crippled me, but never stopped. I had a job where I was making $150,000.00 a year and literally I gave everything away over and over again. Yes I did drive an Infiniti G-35 and I did make sure I had decent clothes and shoes, but I dedicated my life to helping other people. I didn't realize until recently that other people saw this and drew inspiration from it. That I helped them realize the goodness inside themselves and helped them reach a point in their lives where they wanted to become a better person, they took my life as an example. I am honored and blessed by this, and I think it is a glowing tribute to the person I have become, and shining memorial to the one I lost. But there's more to the story.
In January of 2005, almost 14 years after I was first diagnosed with cancer, which came in 1992 when I was 24 years old and 2 years my beautiful marine had died. I had to have the first of many surgeries which would change my life in another direction forever. This is when I had to have a colostomy put in, for those of you who don't know what a colostomy is, it is a bag that is attached to my stomach where my crap comes out. I know longer have the use of my rectum. But I digress, in January 2005 was the first time that I came face to face with my mortality and it was when God and I had our first talk. Whether you believe me or not, it really doesn't matter, because I believe what happened and that is what governs my life. I died on the operating table and I saw God or an Angel, and I had a long conversation with Him. I was told that my work on Earth was not done that there was a message that I needed to take back with me, and that I needed to keep doing what I was doing but show the world by deed and action as well as through my dedication to helping others, the message was and still is very simple. I was told to tell everyone that they were wrong, had missed the point of what Jesus said and why He died and for the last 8 years I have been doing just that.
For whatever reason the church seems hung up on the Old Testament. They seem to have forgotten that when Jesus hung on the cross that something amazing and wonderful happened. The covenant between Abraham and God was broken, that the gulf created by original sin was now bridged and that a new covenant was created between Jesus and man, that we were no longer under the law, but saved by Grace. That our sins were washed away by the innocent blood of Christ. Now, under this new covenant Jesus had given His disciples 4 commandments. If we live by these and abide by them, then we are ensured a place in Heaven. Now, I tell you that the 10 commandments of the Old Testament are good to live by and they ensure you to be a good person, but they will not get you into Heaven, that boat sailed and has passed. Under the new covenant, is based on LOVE, the message of Christ is of LOVE, UNITY AND ACCEPTANCE. The commandments that are given are: Do unto others as you would have done unto you, love thy neighbor as thy self. All one commandment...second commandment is Children obey your parents so that your days will be many, third is I am the way the truth and the light and no one comes to the father except through me. I am the alpha and the omega the beginning and the end. Fourth is to go out and be fishers of men, meaning witness, testify, live your life as an example and be like Jesus.
It is important to understand these, because the message that the church is still sending out today is one of intolerance, bigotry and hatred. They condemn anyone who thinks or acts differently then they do. Jesus live a live of love, tolerance and acceptance, bringing unity to everywhere he went. He didn't hang out with the religious leaders, he ministered, preached and helped the common man, poor man, the outcast, the thief, prostitutes, etc. He treated everyone equally with love and respect and he expects nothing less of us today.
Even though I have been told time and again that I am not going to make it, that I am going to die and that having 6 terminal illnesses should be devastating for me. I keep replying and telling them, it isn't my time yet, I have work yet to do, and though you may think that I am going to die, the truth is that we are all dying at different rates each day. That I was planning on out living them all. See I know that since I have dedicated my life to helping others and giving of myself that God is going to continue to keep me and reward me, that is all that matters. So won't you join me on this journey, won't you turn over your life to helping others, give of yourself and spread the word of Love, Unity and Acceptance?
Think about it would you? If you honestly believe in God and trust that Jesus died for our sins, you will come to realize that the message is clear and plain for anyone to see. All you have to do is follow. He has been waiting right here for 2000 years few have found the message and the path. He said it was the road less traveled and that few would find the path and the gate.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label unity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unity. Show all posts
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Unity is the key to Equality
A friend of mine and I were talking the other day about the disparity between cultures, he is African-American and I am Caucasian. During the conversation I realized that these same divides exist within the gay community. Whether you are black, white, asian, hispanic or any other ethnic group doesn't really matter because first and foremost you are apart of the culture in which you are born. Then comes the community where you identify yourself with sexually. These being Gay, Lesbian, Transgender or Bisexual, and this is where things start to get complicated. There has been a comparison or synthesis created that likens the Gay Equality Movement to the Civil Rights movement or the Women's Suffrage Movement. Now, I believe that there needs to be equality, but the comparisons are wrong. First off, all segments of the population already have the basic freedoms that both the other movements created. The gay segment of population is transparent and not readily identifiable unless a person speaks out about their orientation.
Bear with me here, because this is how I see things. First the women's vote grants that privileged to all women regardless of sexual orientation. With WWII the trend of a stay at home mother started to shift, because as the boy's were overseas fighting, women took to the factories and kept America's industries and economy moving and fluid. This gave women the taste of what it was like to be broken out of the stereotype that they had found themselves in for centuries. As the 1950's and 60's passed on more and more women found themselves not only wanting to work, but did enter the workforce and started making money, by the 1980's many families had both parents working. Now, granted there are still inequalities in the workforce, but as the years have gone by we have seen more and more of those barriers broken down. A female can now run corporations, serve as Secretary of State, and be Heads of State. Margaret Thatcher was a prime example how a woman who started out as a correspondent rose to power and was the Prime Minister of Great Britain. My point being is that most of the social barriers that stereotyped women and kept them in the kitchen, so to speak have been broken down and discarded.
Keeping this in mind, lets look at the Civil Rights Movement and the great strides that have been made on that front. Again, I am not saying that there still aren't inequalities out there, because I know there are, but great strides have been made to ensure that African-Americans are given the same rights as Caucasians, significantly with the right to vote, hold office, and the end of segregation. There are still stigmas associated with interracial relationships, but those barriers are falling more and more each year. Just as the Women's Suffrage Movement ensured all women the right to vote and hold office, so has the Civil Rights Movement ensured that all African-Americans have the same rights to vote, hold office, and as such the racial barriers have started being torn down. President Obama made history as the first duly elected African-American to hold the Office of the President of the United States, there are now Judges, Lawyers, prominent businessmen and women that are African-American.
We must thank those who came before us and stood up and fought for those rights to be granted, we must take into consideration the sacrifice, terror and even death that some of these early organizers and leaders suffered and faced. I think of people like Martin Luther King, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Susan B. Anthony, Lucy Stone, Elizabeth Stanton and others that paved the way for these "Civil Liberties" to be granted to ensure that all men and women were treated fairly and equally. Each of these people either risked their lives or lost them in the fight for other people, to stop the oppression and fear and in some cases the poverty conditions that were forced upon them by a rigid so-called moral society that was largely presided over them by prejudice and bigotry and intolerance by the ruling powers.
As I look at the Equality or Equal Rights Movement that the gay community is seeking, I often wonder if it can be achieved. Like I have said above, the majority of the rights and freedoms that have been hard won by the previous movements where because a social distinction was visible, tangible and easily seen. We have fought hard and have come so far, there is now included in the anti-discrimination policy of the United States that there cannot be discrimination based on sexual orientation. There are questions that employers cannot ask and there are protections now in place for legal recourse if someone is questioned or even fired because of such discrimination. There are also hate crime laws that exist in almost every state that help protect minorities, including the gay community under that umbrella.
I see that there is a major problem that still needs to be addressed by the Gay Community if they ever hope to achieve the Equality that they are seeking. I look at the gay community as a whole, but unfortunately I am one of the few. See even in our community, yes I am gay and consider myself as a member of this community, we have segregated ourselves, we have formed lines in the sand that separate us and keep us apart. I hope that I can explain myself good enough to make you understand what I see. First let me explain that when I came out in the early 80's the Pride Movement was well underway, but enter the picture of HIV and AIDS which helped change the face of the movement and it went more toward Gay Rights and Equality Movement than that of Pride. I know some of you might disagree with me. But, let me try to explain that the Pride Movement was started to remember the police raid on the Stonewall Inn and the resulting riots that followed. According to Wikipedia "Pride is the positive stance against violence and discrimination against the (LGBT) people to promote their self-affirmation, equality rights, and increase their visibility as social group, build community, and celebrate sexual diversity and gender variance."
However, how can we expect others to see us as a community or a social group if we cannot even come together and break down the barriers that separate the defining groups. Over the past few years I have seen a decline in the negative stance between gay and lesbian groups, but there is still a gulf that separates the transgenders that still needs to be bridged. Bisexuals straddle the fence and seem hold themselves separate from any group and that might be because they don't feel like they are a part of any one particular group because they don't feel connected to them. My point is this we need to embrace and espouse unity within our own community if we expect those outside of our community to respect us and grant us the equality we are seeking. We need to break down the walls and social stigmas that keep us apart within our own community before we can hope to break them down in the world as a whole. Maybe one reason why the Transgender group holds themselves apart is because just like the bisexual group they don't feel connected or a part of either the gay or lesbian group, and maybe the gay and lesbian group don't feel connected to each other because they feel that their gender is the separating factor and that they aren't connected at all.
Again, I am asking you to bear with me as I go down this road, because I think that we need to destroy the walls that separate us if we want to be accepted and achieve the social standing and rights our community is desperately fighting for, including the right to Gay Marriage. The term Gay is a noun that is used to describe homosexual behavior. Homosexual or homosexuality is sexual attraction, activity or behavior between the same sex. Therefore, utilizing that definition there is no real thing as Lesbians or Gays there is only homosexuals. Bisexuals hover on the edge of that, and transgenders fall into this category regardless of gender assignment. Overall, I guess what I am trying to say and probably doing a horrible job trying to make the points clear. Because the Gay Community is compromised of all ethnic groups and cultures, this makes the group fluid and hard to see, therefore it is hard for lawmakers and others to see it as a separate group. Internally we break ourselves into groups, or in other words we segregate ourselves voluntarily. If we want to win the right to marry and ensure that the protections against violence and discrimination remain in place we need to come together and unify ourselves first before anyone else will do this for us.
As a community we need to learn the meaning of community, we need to figure out how we as a group can experience the fellowship and brotherhood that I have seen in the African-American culture. From an early age they learn that they are stronger as a whole and the community stands together as one, they can lean on each other, and they have each others back. Now, this might be a matter of perspective since I am on the outside looking into that community. I will admit that I have been in interracial relationships before and that I prefer to date African-American men, but I have been always on the outside never truly understanding the subtle nuances of the entire culture. Yet, I see that only way the Equality that the Gay Community wants and needs can only be achieved if we come together and unify, and we break down the barriers within our own community. In all honesty the basic tenets and freedoms have already been granted us, protections against violence, discrimination, are already enacted into law. Gay activists and lobbyist groups are already formed, we have organized marches and leadership and focus groups to demand greater awareness, training and funding for HIV/AIDS. What is missing is the right to marry or have our unions recognized by the state and federal governments and the ability to have the rights and responsibilities that married heterosexual couples experience today.
Again, the only way that this can be achieved is through unity, and unifying our community by promoting a sense of unity, acceptance and love. Promoting a true sense of community that is currently missing in our gay culture today because of our segregated ideals that we have placed upon ourselves is the only way we can achieve the equality and acceptance we are looking for.
I would appreciate your comments and feedback. I would love to hear if you agree or disagree with me.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Bear with me here, because this is how I see things. First the women's vote grants that privileged to all women regardless of sexual orientation. With WWII the trend of a stay at home mother started to shift, because as the boy's were overseas fighting, women took to the factories and kept America's industries and economy moving and fluid. This gave women the taste of what it was like to be broken out of the stereotype that they had found themselves in for centuries. As the 1950's and 60's passed on more and more women found themselves not only wanting to work, but did enter the workforce and started making money, by the 1980's many families had both parents working. Now, granted there are still inequalities in the workforce, but as the years have gone by we have seen more and more of those barriers broken down. A female can now run corporations, serve as Secretary of State, and be Heads of State. Margaret Thatcher was a prime example how a woman who started out as a correspondent rose to power and was the Prime Minister of Great Britain. My point being is that most of the social barriers that stereotyped women and kept them in the kitchen, so to speak have been broken down and discarded.
Keeping this in mind, lets look at the Civil Rights Movement and the great strides that have been made on that front. Again, I am not saying that there still aren't inequalities out there, because I know there are, but great strides have been made to ensure that African-Americans are given the same rights as Caucasians, significantly with the right to vote, hold office, and the end of segregation. There are still stigmas associated with interracial relationships, but those barriers are falling more and more each year. Just as the Women's Suffrage Movement ensured all women the right to vote and hold office, so has the Civil Rights Movement ensured that all African-Americans have the same rights to vote, hold office, and as such the racial barriers have started being torn down. President Obama made history as the first duly elected African-American to hold the Office of the President of the United States, there are now Judges, Lawyers, prominent businessmen and women that are African-American.
We must thank those who came before us and stood up and fought for those rights to be granted, we must take into consideration the sacrifice, terror and even death that some of these early organizers and leaders suffered and faced. I think of people like Martin Luther King, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Susan B. Anthony, Lucy Stone, Elizabeth Stanton and others that paved the way for these "Civil Liberties" to be granted to ensure that all men and women were treated fairly and equally. Each of these people either risked their lives or lost them in the fight for other people, to stop the oppression and fear and in some cases the poverty conditions that were forced upon them by a rigid so-called moral society that was largely presided over them by prejudice and bigotry and intolerance by the ruling powers.
As I look at the Equality or Equal Rights Movement that the gay community is seeking, I often wonder if it can be achieved. Like I have said above, the majority of the rights and freedoms that have been hard won by the previous movements where because a social distinction was visible, tangible and easily seen. We have fought hard and have come so far, there is now included in the anti-discrimination policy of the United States that there cannot be discrimination based on sexual orientation. There are questions that employers cannot ask and there are protections now in place for legal recourse if someone is questioned or even fired because of such discrimination. There are also hate crime laws that exist in almost every state that help protect minorities, including the gay community under that umbrella.
I see that there is a major problem that still needs to be addressed by the Gay Community if they ever hope to achieve the Equality that they are seeking. I look at the gay community as a whole, but unfortunately I am one of the few. See even in our community, yes I am gay and consider myself as a member of this community, we have segregated ourselves, we have formed lines in the sand that separate us and keep us apart. I hope that I can explain myself good enough to make you understand what I see. First let me explain that when I came out in the early 80's the Pride Movement was well underway, but enter the picture of HIV and AIDS which helped change the face of the movement and it went more toward Gay Rights and Equality Movement than that of Pride. I know some of you might disagree with me. But, let me try to explain that the Pride Movement was started to remember the police raid on the Stonewall Inn and the resulting riots that followed. According to Wikipedia "Pride is the positive stance against violence and discrimination against the (LGBT) people to promote their self-affirmation, equality rights, and increase their visibility as social group, build community, and celebrate sexual diversity and gender variance."
However, how can we expect others to see us as a community or a social group if we cannot even come together and break down the barriers that separate the defining groups. Over the past few years I have seen a decline in the negative stance between gay and lesbian groups, but there is still a gulf that separates the transgenders that still needs to be bridged. Bisexuals straddle the fence and seem hold themselves separate from any group and that might be because they don't feel like they are a part of any one particular group because they don't feel connected to them. My point is this we need to embrace and espouse unity within our own community if we expect those outside of our community to respect us and grant us the equality we are seeking. We need to break down the walls and social stigmas that keep us apart within our own community before we can hope to break them down in the world as a whole. Maybe one reason why the Transgender group holds themselves apart is because just like the bisexual group they don't feel connected or a part of either the gay or lesbian group, and maybe the gay and lesbian group don't feel connected to each other because they feel that their gender is the separating factor and that they aren't connected at all.
Again, I am asking you to bear with me as I go down this road, because I think that we need to destroy the walls that separate us if we want to be accepted and achieve the social standing and rights our community is desperately fighting for, including the right to Gay Marriage. The term Gay is a noun that is used to describe homosexual behavior. Homosexual or homosexuality is sexual attraction, activity or behavior between the same sex. Therefore, utilizing that definition there is no real thing as Lesbians or Gays there is only homosexuals. Bisexuals hover on the edge of that, and transgenders fall into this category regardless of gender assignment. Overall, I guess what I am trying to say and probably doing a horrible job trying to make the points clear. Because the Gay Community is compromised of all ethnic groups and cultures, this makes the group fluid and hard to see, therefore it is hard for lawmakers and others to see it as a separate group. Internally we break ourselves into groups, or in other words we segregate ourselves voluntarily. If we want to win the right to marry and ensure that the protections against violence and discrimination remain in place we need to come together and unify ourselves first before anyone else will do this for us.
As a community we need to learn the meaning of community, we need to figure out how we as a group can experience the fellowship and brotherhood that I have seen in the African-American culture. From an early age they learn that they are stronger as a whole and the community stands together as one, they can lean on each other, and they have each others back. Now, this might be a matter of perspective since I am on the outside looking into that community. I will admit that I have been in interracial relationships before and that I prefer to date African-American men, but I have been always on the outside never truly understanding the subtle nuances of the entire culture. Yet, I see that only way the Equality that the Gay Community wants and needs can only be achieved if we come together and unify, and we break down the barriers within our own community. In all honesty the basic tenets and freedoms have already been granted us, protections against violence, discrimination, are already enacted into law. Gay activists and lobbyist groups are already formed, we have organized marches and leadership and focus groups to demand greater awareness, training and funding for HIV/AIDS. What is missing is the right to marry or have our unions recognized by the state and federal governments and the ability to have the rights and responsibilities that married heterosexual couples experience today.
Again, the only way that this can be achieved is through unity, and unifying our community by promoting a sense of unity, acceptance and love. Promoting a true sense of community that is currently missing in our gay culture today because of our segregated ideals that we have placed upon ourselves is the only way we can achieve the equality and acceptance we are looking for.
I would appreciate your comments and feedback. I would love to hear if you agree or disagree with me.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Interracial Relationships and the stigmas that surround them
As if being gay isn't hard enough try dating outside your race and you are going to add a whole new set of variables into the mix. Trust me as a gay man who prefers to date black men there are a lot of different stigmas associated with that preference. You have a cultural difference to contend with first. Then there are social stigmas that also accompany the cultural differences. Believe it or not there is also a slight language barrier as well. Plus there are stereotypes and other barriers that have to be countered and discarded.
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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