I am always amazed when I hear people saying things like "I don't like that" or "I can't be friends with you because you are too old". I guess because it has never been said to me personally yet at this point in my life. See I guess I have what you call good genes, because I look younger than I am by ten years or so I have been told. It doesn't hurt that I don't act my age, and on most occasions I am surrounded by people half my age. But it doesn't just stop there, all sorts of people make snap judgments and stick with them as fact. My brother and father do it all the time, they refuse to try something new, they say they don't like it but have never in fact tried it. How can you know that you don't like something if you don't try it? In my mind it isn't possible to not like something if you haven't tried it. Making snap judgments may just keep you from experiencing something that is truly memorable. When practiced on people it will cause you to build a false perception of someone, which when you finally get to know the person, that perception you created from your judgment shatters and you are forced to reevaluate the person under the new understanding of them that you have gained from getting to know them.
My advice to you is that you might find that if you are open to experimentation and adventure you are open to a whole host of new experiences and ideas that were once closed off to you. Keep in mind that if you try something and you don't like it you don't have to go back or do it again. But if you keep yourself closed off to new possibilities you might be missing out on living a full life. For those of you who limit your circle of friends based on age, weight, looks or religion you could be missing out on meeting someone very special in your life. See, I am a firm believer that everyone that comes into your life comes for a reason, either they have something to teach you, or you can teach them something, or they could be the best friend that you could ever have. There is nothing saying in life that you have to like or date everyone that comes into your life, those are preferences and they are okay. What I am trying to talk about here are friendships, casual relationships, not sexual ones. Sexual relationships are a bit different because there has to be attraction, and something that you like about the person for them to happen.
Friendships are important and you need to be open and receptive to everyone that comes into your life. Because people are colorful, vibrant and bring depth and texture into your life. I have told you guys before in past entries that you never know where a casual encounter can take you. By limiting your scope of experience in trying new things, new people, and gauging them by limitations that you impose on them you run the risk of never getting to know true friendship and the joy of truly living. You may even be surprised that once you get past your the limitations you imposed upon yourself, you might find that you like and are attracted to new things and different types of people.
I would like to remind each of you that age is only a state of mind. You are only as old as you think and feel you are. Some young people tend to shy away from meeting and becoming friends with older people because they think that they will have nothing in common. But you might be surprised how well you might get along with someone older, that you can talk to them easier and have more in common than you could ever have thought. Further, especially in the gay community young people automatically think that when an older person approaches them that they are only interested in sex. You might be surprised that it is the people that are your same age that have sex constantly on their mind. Once you have sex with them, they are out of there, and in reality you had nothing in common with them at all. Just because someone is older than you doesn't mean that they only want your body. Yes it does happen sometimes, but most of the time they want get to know you, have been watching you and think that they might be able to guide you or offer you advice or want to help you.
As I was writing this it dawned on me that we allow ourselves to be limited by not only our own imposed limitations, but also the limitations put on us by others. An example of that would be, that I had always wanted to explore my talents more, I was told by my parents that a person couldn't make money using their artistic abilities, and of course I believed them. It wasn't until I was much older and had ended a career in Computer Information Technology field that I learned how wrong they were on that point. I write now and do so full time, it started out as a hobby and has become so much more than that now. Don't let other people dictate limitations on you, explore your creative side, enjoy life, and be passionate about what you do. What you are going to find out by doing so is, that whatever you are passionate about, will make you happy and fulfill you in such away that you are going to feel good about yourself. Trust me when I tell you that money is going to find and follow you if you follow your heart and your passion. People are going to see it in your work and feel it when they are around you and that is going to draw income towards you.
Life is too short to arbitrarily dismiss something because you are unsure, or someone has told you something. You owe it to yourself to go out there and explore, try something new, be adventurous, and if there is something that you find that you don't like, or aren't into, then by all means don't pursue it anymore. Like I said when I started this entry you can't alienate someone because you think they are too old, too fat, too nerdy, or whatever other criteria you impose on yourself and them. Because believe it or not if you give them half the chance they might surprise you and bring something into your life that you never thought possible. Again, I am not saying that you have to sleep with them, but to discount them off hand without giving them a chance or the benefit of the doubt is limiting to yourself and cutting yourself off from their wisdom, experience and of course their friendship. Take a chance, not everyone that is old, acts old, or is actually old. Some young people may have old souls and seem mature beyond their years, are you going to eliminate them too? Keep in mind that every person you meet, every encounter that you experience and adventure you embark upon you can learn and grow from. Life is a series of growing spurts. I was young and foolish once and thought that I would never have friends older than me. How wrong I was about that, and I think back on some of the decisions I made and wonder what kind of friendships I might have nurtured and cultivated if I had just been open and receptive to trying and experiencing new things. Have you ever heard the term don't knock it till you try it. That goes with food, adventures, people, new things and everything else in life. How are you seriously going to know if you don't like something if you never get out there and experience it or try it.
I can tell you now my eyes are open, and I am friends with everyone. I don't make snap judgments these days, and I have friends of all age ranges and I am a happier more rounded person because I do have them in my life.
Give a person a chance, get to know them, see for yourself what I am talking about. I think you will thank me that you did.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label race. Show all posts
Showing posts with label race. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Interracial Relationships and the stigmas that surround them
As if being gay isn't hard enough try dating outside your race and you are going to add a whole new set of variables into the mix. Trust me as a gay man who prefers to date black men there are a lot of different stigmas associated with that preference. You have a cultural difference to contend with first. Then there are social stigmas that also accompany the cultural differences. Believe it or not there is also a slight language barrier as well. Plus there are stereotypes and other barriers that have to be countered and discarded.
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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