No matter what you are going through, or have been through, doesn't have to define you. You do have the ability to reinvent yourself. If something isn't working for you, change it. As I have told you before, life doesn't come with a remote control, so if isn't to your liking get off your butt and change it. You maybe wondering what I am talking about here, because you know that I don't honestly think a person can change their core being, that they are essentially going to be the same. Now, let me try to explain a little further what I mean here. See it is important for you to get this. See, if you are a kind and caring, compassionate person, and have a huge heart. Nothing that you ever do or change about yourself is ever going to change that. All the exterior trappings, masks and changes that you display to the world is ever going to make a bit of difference. You are essentially going to remain that same kind, loving compassionate individual. So when I am talking about reinventing yourself, I guess the proper description would be that you can change your persona or image that others have of you. You have the ability to make the world around you see you differently. If you can change your modus operandi, the trappings that you have cloaked yourself in you entire life, it is possible to create a new persona or image that you will be identified with by your family and friends.
You are probably shaking your head at this point and wondering what the hell I am talking about. You might even thinking that I am talking to you in Greek, but I am not. I have a lot of friends in the entertainment industry people that are actors, actresses, singers, song writers, composers, and of course stage and theater performers that are constantly reinventing themselves and changing the way people see them. See each of them has an image that the world sees and recognizes them as. Look at Madonna, she has continually reinvented herself and her style year after year. This is what I am talking about. You too can reinvent how the world sees and views you. Let me break it down a little further for you. Many of you know me from my days running and selling drugs. Others know me before that, like from high school and the Navy. Each of these groups of friends have different views and ideas about me and the person I am. The people that were my friends from high school probably remember a geeky little guy, who had an extremely big heart, and a way of touching people so that they all remembered him. He was also funny, caring and made sure that he knew everyone and what was important in their lives. The folks from my past drug days, will probably have a different idea of who and what I am. But they will also tell you this, he is a guy with an extremely big heart, that cares about everyone, and helps anyone that he can. But he is a good business man, and makes money selling his stuff. For those people that remember me from when I worked for the State of Georgia, they will tell you that I am extremely smart, but I had a lot of drama that followed me and my life. One thing that they will also say is that I knew what I was about, confident and had very important people relying on my advice and suggestions as far as my job went.
Now, what does all of this mean, see at each phase of my life, I adapted the persona to fit the situation, but my core personality always show through. I am who I am and that is all I can be is a saying that I am very fond of, but that is my heart, my soul and my spirit. Who the world sees when I wake up in the morning is someone different. Perceptions play a very big role in our lives. As I have told you before we all wear masks. The outward face that the world sees, and this is what I am talking about when I am telling you that you can reinvent yourself. I went from a nerd to a preppy, to a business man, to a drug addict, to an educated writer and speaker that writes a blog and helps people all over the place. These are incarnations of who I am and the phases that I have been through and continuing in. You might even think of these as my way stops or resting places along the road of life. These are the phases or careers, or paths that I have taken. They aren't who I am, because I am still growing, maturing and adapting to life, so I am far from being complete and whole. For each new path, passage or road that I take I have to reinvent myself, or explore and define who and what I am. The world will identify with that persona. I might dress like my thug boyfriend and be considered white chocolate, you never know, it could happen. It is probably not very likely but stranger things have happened in my life.
Let me put this another way, the other day I was talking to you about patterns of behavior, and how we can break out of them. These patterns of behavior, are the actions and reactions that we most often take under certain situations. A persona, is similar to a pattern. A persona is the way we react and interact with others in a professional and sometimes in a social setting. Whereas a pattern of behavior is our typical reaction to stress, and emotional catalysts. Now, if you can understand this it shouldn't be too much harder to grasp the concept of reinvention. There are times when each of us reaches a point in our life where we feel like we are stagnate, stale and not enjoying life anymore. Or you might have a reputation of being a thief or a liar, a drug addict or something else unflattering. This might bring you to a point where you don't want to be identified like that anymore, or if you have a child and you want to be more responsible and respectable for their benefit. These are good reasons for reinventing yourself. No matter what your reason for wanting to change be reassured that you have the ability to change it, make a difference, and correct the misconceptions that others have of you.
Actors and stars do this all the time, they change their look, their sound or key identifiers that people use to associate with them. You and I may never get to the point in our life when we are a household name and everyone is going to know us, but it is possible to change the way your friends and family look at you and see you. Basically in a nutshell reinvention is making a change in your image or reputation. If you do that then you have changed your persona or have reinvented yourself. Simple as that.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label stigmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stigmas. Show all posts
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
HIV Facts...Educate yourself!
Some of you may know that I am working with the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau in Daytona Beach, Florida. Trying to raise the awareness of HIV/AIDS within the community and trying to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that surround the disease by working on a play to be performed on World's AIDS Day.
And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:
1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons. Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out. Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3. 3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it. Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick. Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease. Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected. Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant. Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive. Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely. You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not. It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill. There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die. There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200. Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status. There are others like you, who are going through what you have. We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you. www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18. Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union. The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.
There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint. As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play. This play is about these things and so much more. I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions. It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease. I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner. No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it. We are still human after all. I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.
There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down. They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts. Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect. Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one. We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced. United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard. We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows. We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims. And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it. You are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light! Remember that EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:
1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons. Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out. Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3. 3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it. Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick. Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease. Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected. Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant. Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive. Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely. You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not. It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill. There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die. There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200. Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status. There are others like you, who are going through what you have. We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you. www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18. Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union. The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.
There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint. As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play. This play is about these things and so much more. I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions. It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease. I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner. No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it. We are still human after all. I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.
There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down. They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts. Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect. Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one. We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced. United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard. We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows. We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims. And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it. You are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light! Remember that EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau
For those of you who have been following my blog for any length of time you know that I am very candid and open about my life and the illnesses that are affecting me. Some of you maybe aware if you have been following my Facebook account that I dedicate an enormous amount of time to volunteer work. Recently, as I was attending the Partnership for Comprehensive HIV/AIDS Planning, I learned about an organization that reached out and spoke to me. During the meeting they had a Positive Champion perspective, which is a person infected with the disease that talks a little bit about their experience and the stigmas and fears that they faced when they found out. Now, honestly this hit me so close to home and it made me ask for more information about the group and what their mission was. Since that first meeting back in April, I have joined them in their cause.
The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau is comprised of HIV-Positive individuals who have come together in a setting that feels like home. We talk about our experiences, what our fears are and were, the stigmas we faced and continue to face, and how HIV has affected our friends and community. We are a group that leans on and supports one another, and through our efforts we speak out to raise awareness of the disease, we seek to educate others about the issues of living with HIV/AIDS and we hope to end the myths and stigmas that surround it. Just like so many other illness, when you are told that you have HIV/AIDS, you immediately think that you are going to die, that your life is over, and you wonder how you are going to tell your friends and family what has happened to you. See in the community at large there seems to be this gulf that people assumes or hopes isolates them from it being their problem. Since it isn't directly affecting them, they feel safe, and don't bother to learn or understand the enormity of the scope of the disease. The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau hopes to put a face on the disease, to make individuals understand that it is a disease that doesn't care if you are gay, straight, a millionaire, a drug user, a housewife, a deacon in the church, a song writer, singer, or any other such thing. It can strike anyone anywhere.
Did you know that every 9 1/2 minutes someone in the U.S. is infected with HIV? And it is everyday people, your doctor, your lawyer, the school teacher, the lunch room lady, your neighbor, your child, or you yourself. It is a deadly disease, and their is a terrible shame that is associated with it and a guilt that is hard to fight. There are many ways in which you can catch the disease, but the most common are unprotected sex, IV drug use, having multiple sex partners, etc. There is a latency in which the virus can remain dormant for a number of years and creep up on you unaware. Take responsibility for your sexual actions and understand that even that one time could be the time you get it...that one time you didn't use protection is all it takes. Be sure to get tested regularly. Know your status! Trust me it is important, because there are people out there that felt fine, had no indication at all that they were Positive and when the test came back they were. You don't have to be sick or have symptoms to be infected. There is a myth that you have to be ill or in the hospital to be infected, but honestly it isn't true. I had no symptoms, I felt fine, was going for my annual physical with my oncologist and the normal battery of test were run, I decided that it had been 3 months since my last HIV test and it came back negative, that I didn't have anything to worry about so I asked my doctor to run a new one for me with my other tests. Two days later I was called into the office and told that I was Positive, and that they were going to run a phenotype and genotype to see what strand of the virus I had, but before I left his office he had made an appointment to see an infectious disease doctor the next morning. Now this was because of my medical history, I had been battling cancer and leukemia since 1992 and my immune system was already compromised, by the way this was in 2006. I was placed on a drug regimen even though they caught early on and I had less than 200,000 copies in my blood, and my t-cells were in 600's.
The reason why I am writing about this is because I want each of you to check out our website, it is located at http://www.positivechampions.org You will definitely find a lot of information on there, we dispel a lot of myths and stigmas and there are youtube videos that you can watch that will tell the story of some of our champion's. I want you to encourage you to come back often because each of the members will eventually have their stories up there. You can see our upcoming speaking events, you can even request to have a speaker come to your place of employment or your church or any other type of function and we would gladly schedule the event and speak to your group. If you would like to volunteer your time or know of someone that might be interested in joining us please feel free to get in contact with me or have them contact one of the members at the site. Honestly we are inclusive group we do not discriminate in any way, even if you aren't positive, but know someone who is, or have a loved one that is infected we invite you to join our group, because you are affected by the disease as much as the infected person. As I said the group is warm and inviting, it is friendly and open, we talk and listen to each other. We support one another, and for some of us this is our family, because for whatever reason our real family has declined to accept us, they cannot wrap their heads around the disease or get past the stigmas and myths that surround it.
No one is going to judge you here, we all have our own story, and I am sure you are going to hear it at one point or another. Even if you aren't a speaker we still ask you to come and join us, we will help you work with you, there are people that come in and give us training on public speaking and how to write a speech. This is an excellent opportunity to get involved and find a group that really does care about you. We know what you are going through and we are here to help and love and support you. We are each of us judged too often already by those around us, this is a place of warmth and safety where you can tell your story and share with others what you are going through. As you get comfortable, you will see how easy it becomes to talk to others about yourself and your experiences, it becomes easier and easier, almost second nature. Before you know it, you too are going to be a Positive Champion!
You can also see the Positive Champion Videos if you go to http://www.youtube.com and type in Positive Champions.
Our regular website is http://www.positivechampions.org/
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau is comprised of HIV-Positive individuals who have come together in a setting that feels like home. We talk about our experiences, what our fears are and were, the stigmas we faced and continue to face, and how HIV has affected our friends and community. We are a group that leans on and supports one another, and through our efforts we speak out to raise awareness of the disease, we seek to educate others about the issues of living with HIV/AIDS and we hope to end the myths and stigmas that surround it. Just like so many other illness, when you are told that you have HIV/AIDS, you immediately think that you are going to die, that your life is over, and you wonder how you are going to tell your friends and family what has happened to you. See in the community at large there seems to be this gulf that people assumes or hopes isolates them from it being their problem. Since it isn't directly affecting them, they feel safe, and don't bother to learn or understand the enormity of the scope of the disease. The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau hopes to put a face on the disease, to make individuals understand that it is a disease that doesn't care if you are gay, straight, a millionaire, a drug user, a housewife, a deacon in the church, a song writer, singer, or any other such thing. It can strike anyone anywhere.
Did you know that every 9 1/2 minutes someone in the U.S. is infected with HIV? And it is everyday people, your doctor, your lawyer, the school teacher, the lunch room lady, your neighbor, your child, or you yourself. It is a deadly disease, and their is a terrible shame that is associated with it and a guilt that is hard to fight. There are many ways in which you can catch the disease, but the most common are unprotected sex, IV drug use, having multiple sex partners, etc. There is a latency in which the virus can remain dormant for a number of years and creep up on you unaware. Take responsibility for your sexual actions and understand that even that one time could be the time you get it...that one time you didn't use protection is all it takes. Be sure to get tested regularly. Know your status! Trust me it is important, because there are people out there that felt fine, had no indication at all that they were Positive and when the test came back they were. You don't have to be sick or have symptoms to be infected. There is a myth that you have to be ill or in the hospital to be infected, but honestly it isn't true. I had no symptoms, I felt fine, was going for my annual physical with my oncologist and the normal battery of test were run, I decided that it had been 3 months since my last HIV test and it came back negative, that I didn't have anything to worry about so I asked my doctor to run a new one for me with my other tests. Two days later I was called into the office and told that I was Positive, and that they were going to run a phenotype and genotype to see what strand of the virus I had, but before I left his office he had made an appointment to see an infectious disease doctor the next morning. Now this was because of my medical history, I had been battling cancer and leukemia since 1992 and my immune system was already compromised, by the way this was in 2006. I was placed on a drug regimen even though they caught early on and I had less than 200,000 copies in my blood, and my t-cells were in 600's.
The reason why I am writing about this is because I want each of you to check out our website, it is located at http://www.positivechampions.org You will definitely find a lot of information on there, we dispel a lot of myths and stigmas and there are youtube videos that you can watch that will tell the story of some of our champion's. I want you to encourage you to come back often because each of the members will eventually have their stories up there. You can see our upcoming speaking events, you can even request to have a speaker come to your place of employment or your church or any other type of function and we would gladly schedule the event and speak to your group. If you would like to volunteer your time or know of someone that might be interested in joining us please feel free to get in contact with me or have them contact one of the members at the site. Honestly we are inclusive group we do not discriminate in any way, even if you aren't positive, but know someone who is, or have a loved one that is infected we invite you to join our group, because you are affected by the disease as much as the infected person. As I said the group is warm and inviting, it is friendly and open, we talk and listen to each other. We support one another, and for some of us this is our family, because for whatever reason our real family has declined to accept us, they cannot wrap their heads around the disease or get past the stigmas and myths that surround it.
No one is going to judge you here, we all have our own story, and I am sure you are going to hear it at one point or another. Even if you aren't a speaker we still ask you to come and join us, we will help you work with you, there are people that come in and give us training on public speaking and how to write a speech. This is an excellent opportunity to get involved and find a group that really does care about you. We know what you are going through and we are here to help and love and support you. We are each of us judged too often already by those around us, this is a place of warmth and safety where you can tell your story and share with others what you are going through. As you get comfortable, you will see how easy it becomes to talk to others about yourself and your experiences, it becomes easier and easier, almost second nature. Before you know it, you too are going to be a Positive Champion!
You can also see the Positive Champion Videos if you go to http://www.youtube.com and type in Positive Champions.
Our regular website is http://www.positivechampions.org/
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Interracial Relationships and the stigmas that surround them
As if being gay isn't hard enough try dating outside your race and you are going to add a whole new set of variables into the mix. Trust me as a gay man who prefers to date black men there are a lot of different stigmas associated with that preference. You have a cultural difference to contend with first. Then there are social stigmas that also accompany the cultural differences. Believe it or not there is also a slight language barrier as well. Plus there are stereotypes and other barriers that have to be countered and discarded.
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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