The past few days I have been thinking a lot about all the illnesses and obstacles that have come my way over the years. It got me to thinking about a book I read once called "Sacred Contracts " written by Carolina Myss. It is an excellent book and if you get a chance you should read it.
Because of the book, I am more in control of my life and destiny than ever before. See as she explained it, we chose the life we are living before we are born. We have a job, duty or mission to accomplish while we are here on earth. She further explains that the reason why we don't recall these events are because of our mortal birth. When we leave our spiritual form foe a human one we lose all of our prior knowledge. The reason for this is we truly have the freedom of choice and we need to learn as much about living and life.
But when I look back at many of the things that I have gone through, I sometimes start to wonder if I am strong enough to carry on. My life has not been easy. I have suffered and battled cancer 4 times since I was , I have at times though that the world might be better off without me. But the honest to goodness truth is that I don't do well with pain, also I have very poor or no luck at all, therefore I have never really contemplated committing suicide, because I know that I would screw it up and end up worse than I am already .
I just wonder sometimes if I am ever going to accomplish the job thatI contracted with God to do. Further, I have seen so many people pass on and the were younger than me and their health didn't seem to be as poor as mine. But then again that is from my perspective. The first of my friends to pass was my best buddy and bowling companion. He was 30 years old and was taken so quickly. We had bowling practice on Saturday for the upcoming Dixie Tournament. Glenn passed out and fell half way down the lane. I had to help him get up and out of the alley. I made him promise that he would let me take him to the emergency room the next morning. He never came home. He died 4 days later, his lungs filled with fluid and he never regained consciousness. I setup a memorial for him so that his family could see and understand what their son Glenn was all about.
The next friend to pass was Sue Renaud, we were in a skilled nursing facility together. Her and I got really close and it kills me that she died right after my birthday last year, unfortunately I was not there when she passed and I didn't find out right away. Another great friend was Mary, if you have been following my blog you might recall the article I wrote about her. "Larger than life " was the title. Mary and Sue died in January, Sue died because of respiratory distress. She was 56. Mary died because of a brain tumor that spread rapidly. Mary has just turned 32 yearsold. She was one of the first people I met when I first moved to Ormond Beach.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel sadness at my loss of such wonderful people, who were called home before me. I know that God placed these very special people in my life. Because I got the opportunity to get to know each of them. Each one of them taught me something that I needed for my future. Each person taught me specifically how to survive and adapt to what life sends my way.
None of us knows how much time we are allotted to be on earth, therefore it is important to live each moment like it is your last and you really need to stay in the present moment. I know that it is easy to get trapped in the past by your past. However, if you are busy carrying baggage from your past you can't move forward, you become stuck and can't pick up anything else. Now I find myself drawn back to the past quite a bit and it is a struggle to remain in the moment and present. When I was 24 I found out that I had stage 4 large cell lymphoma and I thought that I was going to die. Here I am writing to you 22 years later.
I sometimes wonder if my friends that have passed on if they have or had completed their sacred contract or was extenuating circumstances got in the way. I guess that it doesn't really matter, because apparently God isn't giving me a pass and I am going to hav Rd to fulfill my Sacred job. Otherwise I would have not made it through so many medical issues and not dying.
I have complete faith in God and I know that He is the great physician and can heal.me totally if He desired. But I believe that everything I have been through and are going through are necessary lessons that I need to learn and overcome what is in store for me.
I know that God and I have a longer journey ahead of us. I know that I have yet to dicover and complete my Sacred Contract. Yes at times I get discouraged and feel like surrendering and giving up. So you can see that living in the now and moment is very important to me. I have no way to measure the amount of time that I have left here. But I am going to make everyday 9f my life and treat them like they are my last. Try living in the moment and every day like it is your last and you will find out that things start going easier and life takes on 's different meaning.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you.