Darkness falls on the world around me, yet I cannot find the peace I seek. Endless nights of restless slumber hasn't eased my mind a bit. I am bound to another and haven't found a place to call my own. I think sometimes that I will have to forever roam.
I often wonder what is yet to come, I have been through so much there isn't a whole lot that I haven't seen. But who am I to make a scene. Nurses, doctors all in a row, where will they stop I never know. Maybe I would be better off wishing for some snow. But no I live so far south it doesn't seem very likely.
Yet as I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Moon and stars they wink and laugh as I yearn for relief. But my favorite friend is the quiet solitude that enfolds me and keeps me yawning and awake. I often wonder what it will take for my mind to feel at ease and drift off to a soundless sleep.
Nothing answers my lonely vigil as I sit night after night watching the clouds, moon and stars. It is like the world continues to turn and I am left on my own with some sort of lesson yet to learn. I sing and cry, I howl and yell but get nothing in response to my agonizing wail. I sometimes wonder if I am actually in Hell.
Nothing lifts my heart of soul, I muddle through each day aimless and unaware of all that looms around me. It is as if I have lost my sense of will. Nothing placates the inner longing for the days of light and laughter that once were. It is the darkness that clings to me and keeps locked down deep inside this well. I have no hope for rescue, no one understands my plight. Even if I sprouted wings and took flight I don't think anyone would ever see.
I am invisible, restless and lonely me.
A spirit without shape or form, a mind but not a body, drifting floating weightless and hopeless. What business have I left undone? Why didn't I see the light? Something just isn't right! Yet, searching, hoping, yearning and burning I wander each and every night looking for that one thing that will bring me to my slumber.
I wasn't a bad person, I did good by others, I cried and prayed, and lived like they said, yet still I am here, wandering the night all alone. Is this the penance I alone must bear, to never see another soul. To drift and wonder as each night is torn asunder. No crash of lightning or boom of thunder shatter this waiting and hoping for an end.
Was I truly once a live? Did I really have a life or am I just a dream of someone else? Why is the night my home and why can't I ever venture far from what I once thought of as home? Can you hear me? I know you cannot see me, you ignore me as I watch you in your bed. Maybe I am not dead but a figment of your imagination instead.
I guess I will never know, wake up please and tell me truly do you know who I am? Am I you? Are you me? or am I something that is yet to be, or have I always been. These are the thoughts that plague me as I wander through the darkened night and soundless halls. All I see are the same four walls.
Will someone tell me what and who I am for I am at a loss. I don't even know what is real and what is not. I guess I am well and truly lost.
Invisible, alone, figment, spirit, ghoul, or haunt. Heaven or Hell I guess I will never be able to tell.
No comments:
Post a Comment