You may be wondering where I have been for so long and why I haven’t posted anything? Well I have been in and out of hospitals and recovering from all sorts of medical issues, then there was the fact that I lost everything that I owned that was up in Jacksonville. I may never find out what really happened to my stuff, I just know that what I was told seems highly unlikely to have occurred and I am saddened that I lost a friend over stuff like that. However, may the stuff that he has of mine serve him well as he embarks on the new journey of his life.
I just know that I was stuck and had no help out of my situation and was constantly in and out of the hospital. He didn’t bother to come and see me or try to find out what was happening with me, he just turned his back and blamed everything that happened on me and walked away. He made me very uncomfortable the last time I saw him anyway, and his behavior really left questions in my mind as to his real thoughts and intentions. With that being said it is time for me to move on and explain why I haven’t written in my blog in so long.
The truth is that I have been writing and it is all down on paper in a 3 ring binder here on my desk. But since I didn’t have a computer I had no way to get the information into the blog like I normally would have. But I have stuff dating back to my final day in the hospital back at the end of July. I have been in Orlando exactly a month and I have to say that I am in a much more stable environment than what I had been in. Already everything that I lost except for the car has been recovered. I have gotten a new bed, a new computer, a new laptop, my iphone service turned back on, an ipad as well as an android tablet.
There are some things that are different though, I am away from Daytona and the influences of the people there, which in my case is a good thing. I couldn’t understand why I kept ending up in the hospital and why my kidney’s and blood pressure kept failing. Come to find out that the major artery to my heart was almost 85% clogged and I had to have a heart catheter and angioplasty to fix the blockage. So on July 15th I had heart surgery. It was scary, but several good things came out of having that surgery, immediately following it my blood pressure stabilized and I stopped having the dizzy spells and seizures that I had been having prior to the surgery, and my kidney function improved almost back to normal levels. Indicating to the doctors that I may not be as close to dialysis as they had thought.
But since I couldn’t get online and give you regular updates I decided to sit down and do it today. Just last night I was writing in my journal and was talking about what I was thinking about my future and weighing my past. Something that I have been doing all week actually and most of the posts that I am about to type up are regarding that same issue. But today was a beautiful day full of sunshine and no rain as of yet. Which is something of a change in weather for what it has been like around here since the first day I arrived.
No matter what I am headed on the right path at this point, God has given me back all that I have lost and then some. I am even doing well enough that I feel I am at a new point in my life and can honestly say that I have a future. I have wrapped up many of the loose ends that I had left in Jacksonville, paid off the bed that I no longer have and the frame, I also got my checking accounts straightened out and I have gotten myself back into care with the VA and got my medicare straightened out. All and all I am very happy with my progress since I have been here. But, seeing as I had no other options, and the person who I was staying with and considered my friend turned me out like that, claimed that he had changed the locks and told me that I wasn’t welcome back there, then just a week or so later text me saying that everything I owned was lost that supposedly the landlord had evicted us and my stuff was on the side of the road and gone.
I know that this is not the real truth, it may have some factual basis, but being a retired attorney I know that there is an eviction process and that with me being in the hospital in intensive care my roommate could have used that and gotten an extension, he could have fought the eviction and won especially since he just suffered the loss of his partner and then I had the heart attack and was in the hospital. But No everything that me and my ex had left up there is either gone or he is using at his own. Either way it is on him. I know that my situation was extreme and I had people lying too me, stealing from me, and literally trashed my bank accounts, credit cards and the whole nine-yards. But, that is all in the past and I am in a better place with all new things and life is once again sunny.
I couldn’t have asked for a better Saturday, I woke up a little tire and a bit sore, but that quickly passed and once I got out and was able to enjoy the sun I felt so much better. So much so that I am sitting here now typing to you telling you all about it. I am still having some minor chest pains, but I see the cardiologist next week again and hopefully he will be able to tell me what is going on with my heart and why I am still hurting after all this time. I sure hope that it isn’t another heat attack coming because the first one was very scary and totally unexpected.
Anyhow, I hope that you have a glorious Saturday like I did. I am going to start typing my past entries into the journal. Though they are not actually going to be posted on the date they were written. I will make sure that I put somewhere the date that I wrote them, and hopefully by Wednesday I will be caught up enough and will be able to keep writing almost daily and let you know what is happening and going on.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label medical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medical. Show all posts
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Monday, April 3, 2017
Medical update time
Well folks the official news has come in and I am finally cancer free at this time. Now, this doesn't mean that cancer can't or won't come back. What it does mean is that at the present time all markers and indicators seem to point to the fact that the cancer is gone. I had surgery on March 28, 2017, today is the one month mark of my recovery period. The procedure lasted 5 1/2 hours and I spent 5 full days in the hospital.
Life is funny and full of little turns and twists that keeps us guessing from moment to moment. Nothing is ever
A 11 smooth or goes exactly the way we planned. If it wasn't this way our lives would be so monotonous and boring we wouldn't know what to do.
Well they were able to remove a golf ball sized tumor from my right kidney. From all indications it appears that for the first time in 26 years I am cancer free. Now this doesn't mean that cancer will never come back, because it more than likely will. It just means that at this time my doctor's are pretty sure that it is gone for awhile.
I ended up back in the hospital last week on Wednesday because I had walking pneumonia, but I am home now and doing well. Other than that I can't complain about my health. As always you continued well wishes and prayers are appreciated. Thank you so very much for being my support network and venting board. I want you to know it means the world to me that you are out there reading my blog.
As always live well love much and laugh often.
Uncle B
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Time and Again
This post is meant to give thanks to the many healthcare providers that have been extremely instrumental in my continued health. Yes it is true that almost weekly I have a myriad of medical appointments and lab work that needs to be done. Yet, if it wasn't for the diligent work of these health care professionals I would probably withered away and have died way before now.
As I am sitting here waiting to be seen by yet another doctor, I am reminded of how much hard work and long hours these professionals put in just to keep me as well as their other patients healthy and alive. I know that I would be hard pressed if I had to go without the medications that I am on. Monitoring of these medications and the effects that they have on my body are essential to my good health.
There was a period not so long ago when I was on an HIV regimen that wasn't closely monitored and my health severely suffered because of that. It was determined that the regimen that I was on had severely and irrevocably damaged my kidneys. Once it was discovered a monitoring program was soon put in place, but the damage was already extensive and done there was no coming back from it. Less than a year later a small tumor was found on my right kidney and my new journey had begun.
It has been a little more than a year that the tumor on my right kidney was found. The myriad of doctor's and healthcare providers I have been through in just that year alone has been staggering. I'm currently under the care of a urologist at the University of Florida in Gainesville and it looks like the year long journey that I have been on is finally drawing to a close. This journey has been long and arduous starting with ultrasounds, then CT scans and ultimately ending in a series of MRI'S all of which had indicated continuous growth and the possibility of spreading.
You would think that after 25 years of battling this disease that I might have finally become used to all the test, treatments and surgeries that have resulted from having this disease. But, time and again cancer seems bound and determined to come back. It keeps these myriads of healthcare professional working harder than ever to get me to the state of wellness. Sometimes I dream of having just a few moments of good health to consider myself normal and healthy.
I guess as dreams go it isn't a bad one to have. But, no matter the circumstances I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to live my life as a healed, whole individual. That even through their best efforts medical science can only do so much to correct the damage that cancer has done to my body. I must accept the limitations and restrictions that have become my norm and rejoice in the continued life that God has granted me.
Remembering always that man can only do so much when it comes to this vehicle our mind resides in. God who is the Ultimate Physician is the only one with the power to restore me back to full health. I can never truly trust the findings of the world of medicine, because as been my case in the past the predictions that they provide me with have been far from accurate. Only God knows the time and place of my demise. Because everything that I have been through and continue to go through are what strengthens me and gives me the experience I need to get through the next phase of my existence.
See, I have become very familiar with living on borrowed time knowing that any moment might be my last. Knowing that each time I have to have an operation or treatment might be my very last. There seems to always be a new treatment or procedure that has yet to be tried. I'm comforted knowing that in all things God has me in the palms of His hands and that as long as I am needed here on Earth I will continue to make these recoveries and be able to give witness and testament to the miracles of God.
So no matter if time and again I have to be seen by doctor's, nurses, lab techs or other healthcare professionals I will always be in God's Grace and He will take care of my needs .
Rejoice for God is the Healer and architect of your body and can and will restore you according to His detailed plan regarding your life and work.
As always Live well, Love much and Laugh often.
Uncle B
Monday, November 4, 2013
Update...
Well, there it has been quite awhile since I sat down at the computer to write to you guys, and I think it is about high time that I fill you in on some of the things that have been happening in my life. Since the last time I wrote I have had several more visits to the hospital and a whole lot of stuff has been happening in my life. Most of which are topics that we are going to once again be topics of discussion here on Uncle B's Corner.
But first off let me tell you that I have been doing a whole series of different treatments and going through various doctors and wow...Miracles do happen. As some of you are aware I had a whole gambit of illnesses that were holding me down and keeping me in place, but that seems to be a thing of the past. As of last week I have almost a clean bill of health. The kidney disease has totally been eradicated and there seems to be no permanent damage to my kidneys. My body has been fighting off the Hep C virus and keeping it in check and I can report no major liver damage and treatments for that will begin in Mid December. The leukemia is being treated currently and I am having positive results with that treatment and it seems like I will be in remission before you know it.
As for everything else that was wrong with me, it seems that God has seen fit for total recover and healing. I am doing very well, a bout of bronchitis is the only thing that I am really dealing with. I can only say that prayer, faith and positive thinking have done wonders for me. Plus drinking lots of water and modifying my diet a little bit have also helped. I also think that going back to work has had a lot to do with motivating me and keeping me focused. Now it is time to get back to you my readers and my fans. Recently, I stepped down from working full time to part time again so that I could get back on track with my writing and my aspirations. So here I am once again at the computer keyboard getting ready to talk to you about important things that may or may not help you in your daily life.
It has been one heck of a year. Full of surprises, disappointments, hurts, and resounding victories. I can tell you that you will be hearing a great deal from me in the coming weeks and months as the rest of 2013 dwindles away. Some of you are saying it is about time and you are very correct on that. I have been away from what I love for far too long.
So, here I am with a renewed spirit, attitude and hope for the rest of the year and for what is coming. So please come back often and read about what has been happening and what I have learned over the past year.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
But first off let me tell you that I have been doing a whole series of different treatments and going through various doctors and wow...Miracles do happen. As some of you are aware I had a whole gambit of illnesses that were holding me down and keeping me in place, but that seems to be a thing of the past. As of last week I have almost a clean bill of health. The kidney disease has totally been eradicated and there seems to be no permanent damage to my kidneys. My body has been fighting off the Hep C virus and keeping it in check and I can report no major liver damage and treatments for that will begin in Mid December. The leukemia is being treated currently and I am having positive results with that treatment and it seems like I will be in remission before you know it.
As for everything else that was wrong with me, it seems that God has seen fit for total recover and healing. I am doing very well, a bout of bronchitis is the only thing that I am really dealing with. I can only say that prayer, faith and positive thinking have done wonders for me. Plus drinking lots of water and modifying my diet a little bit have also helped. I also think that going back to work has had a lot to do with motivating me and keeping me focused. Now it is time to get back to you my readers and my fans. Recently, I stepped down from working full time to part time again so that I could get back on track with my writing and my aspirations. So here I am once again at the computer keyboard getting ready to talk to you about important things that may or may not help you in your daily life.
It has been one heck of a year. Full of surprises, disappointments, hurts, and resounding victories. I can tell you that you will be hearing a great deal from me in the coming weeks and months as the rest of 2013 dwindles away. Some of you are saying it is about time and you are very correct on that. I have been away from what I love for far too long.
So, here I am with a renewed spirit, attitude and hope for the rest of the year and for what is coming. So please come back often and read about what has been happening and what I have learned over the past year.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, October 22, 2012
Don't be afraid to Ask for help!
There comes a point in each of our lives when we just can't do everything on our own. Our resources are tapped, our bills are overwhelming, our medical conditions are out of control and we just need some sort of help just to make ends meet. No matter what your situation or what you are going through, don't let pride and dignity stand in the way of you turning to others for help and assistance. I have been living on disability for almost 7 years now. I am not ashamed of that fact, I worked hard and paid a lot of money into the system to get the amount of disability that I get. However, there are times when that disability money doesn't reach far enough and doesn't cover all my bills and expenses.
Just like this move into the new apartment, as much of a blessing that it has been, I was still stretched to my limit, money and funds were not there to cover all the expenses of moving, and as you are aware from my earlier posts, I have no furniture and I have borrowed everything that I have in my apartment currently, except for the TV and minor stuff that I could find on discount or at the pawn shop. With the help of my father, stepmother and neighbors I was able to at least have an air mattress to sleep on, a dresser to put my cloths, a table to eat on, and a couple of chairs to sit on. All I had were my clothes and my computers.
Now with all of that being said, I reached out to my friend Jeff Allen, he is a big HIV/AIDS advocate and volunteer in the community that I have met and become acquainted with. I told him that I was looking for furniture and some help. That I have been thinking about renting out my second room to someone, so that it would defray some of my expenditures and help with income. He sent me an email about an organization that might help me. The organization is call the Ministries For Christ Outreach and since I didn't know exactly what to say, I sent a very long email about my situation, my health and condition and what I was looking for help with. Now, I sent this email on Thursday night, and I hadn't heard anything from them, but I figured that they were just busy helping others and that they would eventually get to me. I was right in a way sort of, see I got a call early this morning from Pastor Lisa Polite, my email had gone into her spam folder on her computer and she hadn't seen it, and for some reason she just happened to look in there and saw my email. For those of you who are still "doubting Thomas's" understand that she told me she normally doesn't look in the spam folder and for some reason this morning she did. You tell me that if God isn't at work in my life, and answering all of my prayers, why did my email catch her attention?
See, I am convinced that God is watching out over me, and is sheltering me in His mighty arms, because, of all the beautiful and wondrous things that have been happening to me lately. Well, let's continue on with this story, she called me this morning and asked me some questions we talked for a bit on the phone, and she asked if she could come and see me this morning around 9 am. I said that would be great. Let me tell you she brought me enough supplies and food to last me quite a while. She truly blessed me beyond words. I mean rice, can vegetables, can fruit, soup, spaghetti, sauce, mac-n-cheese, lunch meat and bread, just so much, toilet paper, laundry detergent and the list goes on and on. When I say she blessed me I am not being figurative, but literal. I was taken away with the generosity and kindness of a lady that had never met me.
So you see it never hurts to open oneself up and ask for help when you truly need it. Just last night I was worrying how was I going to last till the beginning of the month when I get paid again because money was running out. Before I went to sleep last night I had asked God to help me through, and behold this morning I was woken up to a blessing beyond measure. Now, Pastor Lisa is a great deal like me, she has so much positive energy and love pouring out of her, that I felt an instant bond. I asked her if her organization and ministry needed help, that I wanted to be apart of the program. I explained to her some of the things that I want to accomplish, and have been trying to start here. Like the housing referral program and housing assistance programs. She told me to keep them in mind because those are the types of things that they would like to expand in what they currently offer. We talked for quite awhile, and I showed her my blog, and I felt so very comfortable with her.
I told you not too long ago that we never know where casual conversation is going to take us, that we don't know what doors each encounter is going to open for us. What I didn't tell you is that you just need to be open and receptive to God's love. It doesn't matter what you have done, or what your situation is, you just need to be open too it. Because His love is unconditional and doesn't require any effort or work on your part. It flows through you and into you and energizes you. Trust me and I tell you that being open and receptive is how His blessing flow to you. So there is no shame in admitting that you can't do it all alone, there is no shame in reaching out to organizations and asking for help or assistance. Trust me that there are people out there that understand what you are going through, perhaps they have gone through similar things themselves.
If you ever find yourself in need and you don't know where to turn too there is a number that you can call it is 211 it is to the United Way. Call that number they will ask you a few simple questions and be able to refer you to services in your area. They help all sorts of people, people in crisis, people who are homeless, people who need assistance with utilities and back rent and all sorts of other things. That is the place that I would start if you don't know who else to turn too. Keep in mind that you also have a church family that you can reach out to, speak to your pastor, and see if they might know of some programs or assistance that you can apply for. There are government programs, grants, and other types of public assistance that are available to those that are having difficulties. Today the world has gotten more sophisticated, once upon a time you used to have paper food stamps that you had to present at the register when you checked out and everyone knew that you were on public assistance. Today it is all done with a credit card, and only you and the cashier know that you are on food stamps.
If you qualify, I think you should go down and apply for them. They are a big help and will defray some of the cost that you have to spend out each month. If you are like me and don't qualify, because you make too much money on disability or whatever, there are other types of assistance you can apply for. Trust me when I tell you, look around you and reach out. A closed mouth finds no answers and gets no help. You have to be vocal about your situation and your problems if you want to get help. I keep telling you that life is too short for you to hold it all inside of you. Plus, do you really need the extra stress, worry and heartache? I honestly don't think you do. So be honest with yourself and your friends, let them know what is happening with you. Because believe it or not someone else close to you might be going through the same thing or a similar situation and you can help each other out, exchange information and find the help that you both need. Talk to everyone, be honest, let that pride go. Stop your worrying and do something about the situation before it gets any worse. The last thing you need to do is let things go and let them build up until there is no possible solution to the situation.
Keep this in mind "Life doesn't come with a remote control, if you don't like the way something is get up and change it yourself". You have to be willing to work hard, and make a change because when you help yourself you are going to see that the blessing will start rolling in. You have to take that leap of faith and just try, do something for yourself and trust that everything will work out and believe me it will. All you have to do is try. Push down that fear and worry, I know they are what is holding you back and keeping you from taking action, because if you don't nothing is ever going to change and you are going to be stuck in repeat. Repeating the same process week after week, month after month. We have to do something, change something in order for us to break free from the rut that we have found ourselves in. Asking others for help is a start in that process, and let me tell you it is a process, nothing ever changes over night and if it did I would be worried about it. How many times have I told you the easy things in life are not the ones that we value. It is what we have had to work hard for and strive the most for that mean the most too us. Each of us needs to feel a sense of accomplishment and that we are making progress, if we don't we feel trapped, and depression can creep in. Keep your guard up don't let depression get to you. As I have told you before, it doesn't matter what you have done today, what trouble you got in, or what crisis you have found yourself in. Tomorrow is a new day, brand new no mistakes, a clean slate, and you have a chance to do it all over again, this time differently.
Don't be afraid to reach out and let your story be known, it isn't going to make you a different person from who you are. Are you really that afraid that people are going to see you differently now because they know what you are going through? Maybe they will begin to see that you are just a person like them and have problems just like them and maybe they have some help or advice to offer you.
Also keep in mind that if you are going through some medical issues or health concerns that there are agencies and support out there to help you. You might want to start with the case manager at the hospital or medical center that you were seen at to find something that might be able to help you. If you are gay and have housing or health concerns check out your local gay community center or speak to your infectious disease doctor because they know of programs and agencies that can help you. I can speak from the HIV/AIDS standpoint that there are agencies and funding out there to help you. Contact your local public health center to get in contact with them. If you have been disabled and out of work for over a year you may even be eligible for assistance through your states Vocational Rehabilitation, they might be able to send you back to school to get retrained in a new field, they can help you procure a job. There are all sorts of programs out there to help you become an independent and functioning member of society. All you have to do is look for them.
I just want you to be aware, that if you don't speak up and don't ask for help you are never going to get it. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, not the ones that make no noise. There is no shame in applying for government assistance, and programs that are out there to help you live a comfortable life, and if you are ill, check into all the resources and help that you can find. Drugs, hospitalizations, doctors and tests all cost money and can be very expensive. Look for alternatives, patient assistance programs, agencies and groups that cater to your specific illness they are out there, you just have to reach out and talk to them.
Keep in mind that each conversation you have can open a tremendous amount of doors and opportunities, just be open and receptive.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Just like this move into the new apartment, as much of a blessing that it has been, I was still stretched to my limit, money and funds were not there to cover all the expenses of moving, and as you are aware from my earlier posts, I have no furniture and I have borrowed everything that I have in my apartment currently, except for the TV and minor stuff that I could find on discount or at the pawn shop. With the help of my father, stepmother and neighbors I was able to at least have an air mattress to sleep on, a dresser to put my cloths, a table to eat on, and a couple of chairs to sit on. All I had were my clothes and my computers.
Now with all of that being said, I reached out to my friend Jeff Allen, he is a big HIV/AIDS advocate and volunteer in the community that I have met and become acquainted with. I told him that I was looking for furniture and some help. That I have been thinking about renting out my second room to someone, so that it would defray some of my expenditures and help with income. He sent me an email about an organization that might help me. The organization is call the Ministries For Christ Outreach and since I didn't know exactly what to say, I sent a very long email about my situation, my health and condition and what I was looking for help with. Now, I sent this email on Thursday night, and I hadn't heard anything from them, but I figured that they were just busy helping others and that they would eventually get to me. I was right in a way sort of, see I got a call early this morning from Pastor Lisa Polite, my email had gone into her spam folder on her computer and she hadn't seen it, and for some reason she just happened to look in there and saw my email. For those of you who are still "doubting Thomas's" understand that she told me she normally doesn't look in the spam folder and for some reason this morning she did. You tell me that if God isn't at work in my life, and answering all of my prayers, why did my email catch her attention?
See, I am convinced that God is watching out over me, and is sheltering me in His mighty arms, because, of all the beautiful and wondrous things that have been happening to me lately. Well, let's continue on with this story, she called me this morning and asked me some questions we talked for a bit on the phone, and she asked if she could come and see me this morning around 9 am. I said that would be great. Let me tell you she brought me enough supplies and food to last me quite a while. She truly blessed me beyond words. I mean rice, can vegetables, can fruit, soup, spaghetti, sauce, mac-n-cheese, lunch meat and bread, just so much, toilet paper, laundry detergent and the list goes on and on. When I say she blessed me I am not being figurative, but literal. I was taken away with the generosity and kindness of a lady that had never met me.
So you see it never hurts to open oneself up and ask for help when you truly need it. Just last night I was worrying how was I going to last till the beginning of the month when I get paid again because money was running out. Before I went to sleep last night I had asked God to help me through, and behold this morning I was woken up to a blessing beyond measure. Now, Pastor Lisa is a great deal like me, she has so much positive energy and love pouring out of her, that I felt an instant bond. I asked her if her organization and ministry needed help, that I wanted to be apart of the program. I explained to her some of the things that I want to accomplish, and have been trying to start here. Like the housing referral program and housing assistance programs. She told me to keep them in mind because those are the types of things that they would like to expand in what they currently offer. We talked for quite awhile, and I showed her my blog, and I felt so very comfortable with her.
I told you not too long ago that we never know where casual conversation is going to take us, that we don't know what doors each encounter is going to open for us. What I didn't tell you is that you just need to be open and receptive to God's love. It doesn't matter what you have done, or what your situation is, you just need to be open too it. Because His love is unconditional and doesn't require any effort or work on your part. It flows through you and into you and energizes you. Trust me and I tell you that being open and receptive is how His blessing flow to you. So there is no shame in admitting that you can't do it all alone, there is no shame in reaching out to organizations and asking for help or assistance. Trust me that there are people out there that understand what you are going through, perhaps they have gone through similar things themselves.
If you ever find yourself in need and you don't know where to turn too there is a number that you can call it is 211 it is to the United Way. Call that number they will ask you a few simple questions and be able to refer you to services in your area. They help all sorts of people, people in crisis, people who are homeless, people who need assistance with utilities and back rent and all sorts of other things. That is the place that I would start if you don't know who else to turn too. Keep in mind that you also have a church family that you can reach out to, speak to your pastor, and see if they might know of some programs or assistance that you can apply for. There are government programs, grants, and other types of public assistance that are available to those that are having difficulties. Today the world has gotten more sophisticated, once upon a time you used to have paper food stamps that you had to present at the register when you checked out and everyone knew that you were on public assistance. Today it is all done with a credit card, and only you and the cashier know that you are on food stamps.
If you qualify, I think you should go down and apply for them. They are a big help and will defray some of the cost that you have to spend out each month. If you are like me and don't qualify, because you make too much money on disability or whatever, there are other types of assistance you can apply for. Trust me when I tell you, look around you and reach out. A closed mouth finds no answers and gets no help. You have to be vocal about your situation and your problems if you want to get help. I keep telling you that life is too short for you to hold it all inside of you. Plus, do you really need the extra stress, worry and heartache? I honestly don't think you do. So be honest with yourself and your friends, let them know what is happening with you. Because believe it or not someone else close to you might be going through the same thing or a similar situation and you can help each other out, exchange information and find the help that you both need. Talk to everyone, be honest, let that pride go. Stop your worrying and do something about the situation before it gets any worse. The last thing you need to do is let things go and let them build up until there is no possible solution to the situation.
Keep this in mind "Life doesn't come with a remote control, if you don't like the way something is get up and change it yourself". You have to be willing to work hard, and make a change because when you help yourself you are going to see that the blessing will start rolling in. You have to take that leap of faith and just try, do something for yourself and trust that everything will work out and believe me it will. All you have to do is try. Push down that fear and worry, I know they are what is holding you back and keeping you from taking action, because if you don't nothing is ever going to change and you are going to be stuck in repeat. Repeating the same process week after week, month after month. We have to do something, change something in order for us to break free from the rut that we have found ourselves in. Asking others for help is a start in that process, and let me tell you it is a process, nothing ever changes over night and if it did I would be worried about it. How many times have I told you the easy things in life are not the ones that we value. It is what we have had to work hard for and strive the most for that mean the most too us. Each of us needs to feel a sense of accomplishment and that we are making progress, if we don't we feel trapped, and depression can creep in. Keep your guard up don't let depression get to you. As I have told you before, it doesn't matter what you have done today, what trouble you got in, or what crisis you have found yourself in. Tomorrow is a new day, brand new no mistakes, a clean slate, and you have a chance to do it all over again, this time differently.
Don't be afraid to reach out and let your story be known, it isn't going to make you a different person from who you are. Are you really that afraid that people are going to see you differently now because they know what you are going through? Maybe they will begin to see that you are just a person like them and have problems just like them and maybe they have some help or advice to offer you.
Also keep in mind that if you are going through some medical issues or health concerns that there are agencies and support out there to help you. You might want to start with the case manager at the hospital or medical center that you were seen at to find something that might be able to help you. If you are gay and have housing or health concerns check out your local gay community center or speak to your infectious disease doctor because they know of programs and agencies that can help you. I can speak from the HIV/AIDS standpoint that there are agencies and funding out there to help you. Contact your local public health center to get in contact with them. If you have been disabled and out of work for over a year you may even be eligible for assistance through your states Vocational Rehabilitation, they might be able to send you back to school to get retrained in a new field, they can help you procure a job. There are all sorts of programs out there to help you become an independent and functioning member of society. All you have to do is look for them.
I just want you to be aware, that if you don't speak up and don't ask for help you are never going to get it. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, not the ones that make no noise. There is no shame in applying for government assistance, and programs that are out there to help you live a comfortable life, and if you are ill, check into all the resources and help that you can find. Drugs, hospitalizations, doctors and tests all cost money and can be very expensive. Look for alternatives, patient assistance programs, agencies and groups that cater to your specific illness they are out there, you just have to reach out and talk to them.
Keep in mind that each conversation you have can open a tremendous amount of doors and opportunities, just be open and receptive.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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