You may be wondering where I have been for so long and why I haven’t posted anything? Well I have been in and out of hospitals and recovering from all sorts of medical issues, then there was the fact that I lost everything that I owned that was up in Jacksonville. I may never find out what really happened to my stuff, I just know that what I was told seems highly unlikely to have occurred and I am saddened that I lost a friend over stuff like that. However, may the stuff that he has of mine serve him well as he embarks on the new journey of his life.
I just know that I was stuck and had no help out of my situation and was constantly in and out of the hospital. He didn’t bother to come and see me or try to find out what was happening with me, he just turned his back and blamed everything that happened on me and walked away. He made me very uncomfortable the last time I saw him anyway, and his behavior really left questions in my mind as to his real thoughts and intentions. With that being said it is time for me to move on and explain why I haven’t written in my blog in so long.
The truth is that I have been writing and it is all down on paper in a 3 ring binder here on my desk. But since I didn’t have a computer I had no way to get the information into the blog like I normally would have. But I have stuff dating back to my final day in the hospital back at the end of July. I have been in Orlando exactly a month and I have to say that I am in a much more stable environment than what I had been in. Already everything that I lost except for the car has been recovered. I have gotten a new bed, a new computer, a new laptop, my iphone service turned back on, an ipad as well as an android tablet.
There are some things that are different though, I am away from Daytona and the influences of the people there, which in my case is a good thing. I couldn’t understand why I kept ending up in the hospital and why my kidney’s and blood pressure kept failing. Come to find out that the major artery to my heart was almost 85% clogged and I had to have a heart catheter and angioplasty to fix the blockage. So on July 15th I had heart surgery. It was scary, but several good things came out of having that surgery, immediately following it my blood pressure stabilized and I stopped having the dizzy spells and seizures that I had been having prior to the surgery, and my kidney function improved almost back to normal levels. Indicating to the doctors that I may not be as close to dialysis as they had thought.
But since I couldn’t get online and give you regular updates I decided to sit down and do it today. Just last night I was writing in my journal and was talking about what I was thinking about my future and weighing my past. Something that I have been doing all week actually and most of the posts that I am about to type up are regarding that same issue. But today was a beautiful day full of sunshine and no rain as of yet. Which is something of a change in weather for what it has been like around here since the first day I arrived.
No matter what I am headed on the right path at this point, God has given me back all that I have lost and then some. I am even doing well enough that I feel I am at a new point in my life and can honestly say that I have a future. I have wrapped up many of the loose ends that I had left in Jacksonville, paid off the bed that I no longer have and the frame, I also got my checking accounts straightened out and I have gotten myself back into care with the VA and got my medicare straightened out. All and all I am very happy with my progress since I have been here. But, seeing as I had no other options, and the person who I was staying with and considered my friend turned me out like that, claimed that he had changed the locks and told me that I wasn’t welcome back there, then just a week or so later text me saying that everything I owned was lost that supposedly the landlord had evicted us and my stuff was on the side of the road and gone.
I know that this is not the real truth, it may have some factual basis, but being a retired attorney I know that there is an eviction process and that with me being in the hospital in intensive care my roommate could have used that and gotten an extension, he could have fought the eviction and won especially since he just suffered the loss of his partner and then I had the heart attack and was in the hospital. But No everything that me and my ex had left up there is either gone or he is using at his own. Either way it is on him. I know that my situation was extreme and I had people lying too me, stealing from me, and literally trashed my bank accounts, credit cards and the whole nine-yards. But, that is all in the past and I am in a better place with all new things and life is once again sunny.
I couldn’t have asked for a better Saturday, I woke up a little tire and a bit sore, but that quickly passed and once I got out and was able to enjoy the sun I felt so much better. So much so that I am sitting here now typing to you telling you all about it. I am still having some minor chest pains, but I see the cardiologist next week again and hopefully he will be able to tell me what is going on with my heart and why I am still hurting after all this time. I sure hope that it isn’t another heat attack coming because the first one was very scary and totally unexpected.
Anyhow, I hope that you have a glorious Saturday like I did. I am going to start typing my past entries into the journal. Though they are not actually going to be posted on the date they were written. I will make sure that I put somewhere the date that I wrote them, and hopefully by Wednesday I will be caught up enough and will be able to keep writing almost daily and let you know what is happening and going on.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label renewal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label renewal. Show all posts
Saturday, August 18, 2018
Sunday, January 18, 2015
You can and You will succeed
Let me tell you a little story about my mom. Last Easter she was finally able to return to her home after spending 9 long months in a nursing home. She had every reason to doubt that she would ever leave that nursing home. The doctors, physical therapists and nurses all told my mother the same thing. That she would never be able to walk again, that she would spend the rest of her life in that wheelchair. But, my mother is a woman of prayer and has faith in God and continually prayed for healing and respite. Over those 9 months she showed great progress but still no one ever thought that she would be able to walk again, and that she wouldn't be able to adjust to this new life that she found herself in.
Now, she had ever right to become depressed and despondent. She was all alone in Pennsylvania and stuck in a nursing home without any visitors except maybe the pastor and his wife, but because the pastor also works full-time visits were few and even sometimes rare. My mother told me that each phone call I made to her while she was in there was like having a visit or someone actually coming in to see you. It broke the monotony of the day and switched up the routine. I also know this from my own recent incursion at a local nursing home for rehabilitation.
Both, my mother and I had infections that attacked our back and spinal column. Her's was much worse than mine, she actually developed a huge abscess that actually ruptured and spilled out into her system. After 9 or 10 hours of washing and cleansing that internal sore out an accident occurred and the nerve endings to her lower body were cut. She was told as I have stated that she would be paralyzed and in that wheel chair forever. I was told something very similar during my stay in the rehab center. Yet, as of today I am walking free and clear without having to rely on a walker or a cane. My mother called me this evening and told me that she actually got a cart at the grocery store and was able to walk the entire store without any assistance or aid. The wheel chair was left in the car and she did it on her own.
Both my mother and me have great testimonies that we could share with you and in most cases I have shared mine with you. But the reason why I am bringing this up tonight is that I feel the need to remind not only myself but you as well that no matter what the situation, disaster, illness, or disability befalls us. if there is a Will there is a Way!
If you truly believe that you can do something you will be able to do it. The mind is a very powerful thing, and if we have a need and a desire we can accomplish anything. Remember that it is always darkest before the dawn. Which means the hardest part is yet to come but we can see the light and we know that once we reach it everything will be alright. I remind myself daily that nothing is permanent in this world and that everything passes. My grandmother used to tell me "This too shall pass wait and see". You know she was right!
Since 2012 I have been writing in this blog and I have been laying my life out in the open for anyone to see. I don't think that it is wrong for me to do this because I have gone through so many things that I believe that someone out there is or has gone through some situation that has been or is similar to what I went through and if my experience can help them through in some way then my sharing was all for the better. As many of you know I have been diagnosed with 6 separate terminal illnesses, yet I carry forward like nothing is wrong. People tell me that it is because I am strong and have a positive nature and outlook. But honestly, I believe that 90% is prayer and 10% is believing that my prayers are being answered daily.
I have become so in-tuned and in-touch with God that I see and experience miracles everyday. Example, 2 weeks ago I was ordered by the court to attend a drug and alcohol screening to see if I needed to go through some classes to help me deal with addiction. This was a mandatory condition of my probation and something that my probation officer set up for me. I had to meet with this counselor and pay $20 and let her evaluate and scrutinize every part of my life. But, as I was sitting there talking with the lady something miraculous happened, I felt a peace come over me and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Spirit of the Lord had come into the room and that I wasn't going to have to do any classes. As a matter of fact we talked for a bit longer and she asked me to look at her computer and fix it. Guess, what I did and for the time I spent working on her computer she paid me $20.
This was a tremendous blessing because that was my last $20 that I had and it was still several days till I got my next check. But, as I have always told you. You never know where a casual conversation is going to lead you. By taking my time and actually opening up to this counselor and telling her the absolute truth about my drug usage a miracle was performed. I knew that there was no sense to lie to her she had access to my entire record so she would have know if I was lying. Plus, it was easier to talk with her once I told her why should I lie, I would only get caught and she agreed with me. From that meeting she has contact the organization that I am a member of the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau and has asked for one our speakers to come in and talk to her groups to teach them all about HIV, AIDS and awareness.
You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this, and it is because I want you to know that you can and will succeed at every endeavor that is thrown your way and every obstacle that is in your path, and why do you think that is? Because if you "can conceive it and believe it you will achieve it." For every storm there is a lull or an eye it is when it seems to lighten up a bit and you have a temporary respite from the weather, but there is still more to come and you need to brace yourself for it. Always look for the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining in the clouds, Light dispels the darkness, chases away the shadows, and will eat away at the doubts and depression that are filling your mind. It is that speck of light in the distance that gives you hope, and pulls you ever onward toward it. Once you see that light you know you are almost home free and that you have made it through. It is not always easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel and those storm clouds can be mighty dark. Just keep in mind what my grandmother used to tell me this too shall pass. Trust me it will. Nothing last forever!
The point I am trying to make here is that there is nothing that you cannot overcome. Nothing has permanence in this life and time keeps marching on so if you have the will and the drive you can over come any obstacle that life has in store for you. Just keep in mind that if you keep a positive outlook on life, then the storms and hardships aren't too hard for you to weather, because the negativity just rolls off you like water.
If you don't believe me in this look at my mother's story and tell me that her continued improvement and victories were because she had the will to overcome and she didn't let depression and negativity hold her down. She knew what she wanted and she did what she had to to accomplish that. that is all I want for each and everyone of you. To set your mind to a task and own it. Set you will on it and make it your own because you can and you will succeed.
I am proud of the accomplishments my mother has made and it makes me feel good that she has progressed so far in such a short time. I am also proud of the strides I have made in my own personal life and health, because I know that when the physical therapist told me that I would never get out of that wheel chair, I just had to prove her wrong and I did everything I could to get myself out of that chair and I am so glad that I did. It taught me that if there is a will and a want you can accomplish it no matter what the obstacles are.
Take each day one at a time. Put your mind to a task and just do it. It might surprise you at what you can accomplish just by putting your mind to it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
-Uncle B
Now, she had ever right to become depressed and despondent. She was all alone in Pennsylvania and stuck in a nursing home without any visitors except maybe the pastor and his wife, but because the pastor also works full-time visits were few and even sometimes rare. My mother told me that each phone call I made to her while she was in there was like having a visit or someone actually coming in to see you. It broke the monotony of the day and switched up the routine. I also know this from my own recent incursion at a local nursing home for rehabilitation.
Both, my mother and I had infections that attacked our back and spinal column. Her's was much worse than mine, she actually developed a huge abscess that actually ruptured and spilled out into her system. After 9 or 10 hours of washing and cleansing that internal sore out an accident occurred and the nerve endings to her lower body were cut. She was told as I have stated that she would be paralyzed and in that wheel chair forever. I was told something very similar during my stay in the rehab center. Yet, as of today I am walking free and clear without having to rely on a walker or a cane. My mother called me this evening and told me that she actually got a cart at the grocery store and was able to walk the entire store without any assistance or aid. The wheel chair was left in the car and she did it on her own.
Both my mother and me have great testimonies that we could share with you and in most cases I have shared mine with you. But the reason why I am bringing this up tonight is that I feel the need to remind not only myself but you as well that no matter what the situation, disaster, illness, or disability befalls us. if there is a Will there is a Way!
If you truly believe that you can do something you will be able to do it. The mind is a very powerful thing, and if we have a need and a desire we can accomplish anything. Remember that it is always darkest before the dawn. Which means the hardest part is yet to come but we can see the light and we know that once we reach it everything will be alright. I remind myself daily that nothing is permanent in this world and that everything passes. My grandmother used to tell me "This too shall pass wait and see". You know she was right!
Since 2012 I have been writing in this blog and I have been laying my life out in the open for anyone to see. I don't think that it is wrong for me to do this because I have gone through so many things that I believe that someone out there is or has gone through some situation that has been or is similar to what I went through and if my experience can help them through in some way then my sharing was all for the better. As many of you know I have been diagnosed with 6 separate terminal illnesses, yet I carry forward like nothing is wrong. People tell me that it is because I am strong and have a positive nature and outlook. But honestly, I believe that 90% is prayer and 10% is believing that my prayers are being answered daily.
I have become so in-tuned and in-touch with God that I see and experience miracles everyday. Example, 2 weeks ago I was ordered by the court to attend a drug and alcohol screening to see if I needed to go through some classes to help me deal with addiction. This was a mandatory condition of my probation and something that my probation officer set up for me. I had to meet with this counselor and pay $20 and let her evaluate and scrutinize every part of my life. But, as I was sitting there talking with the lady something miraculous happened, I felt a peace come over me and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Spirit of the Lord had come into the room and that I wasn't going to have to do any classes. As a matter of fact we talked for a bit longer and she asked me to look at her computer and fix it. Guess, what I did and for the time I spent working on her computer she paid me $20.
This was a tremendous blessing because that was my last $20 that I had and it was still several days till I got my next check. But, as I have always told you. You never know where a casual conversation is going to lead you. By taking my time and actually opening up to this counselor and telling her the absolute truth about my drug usage a miracle was performed. I knew that there was no sense to lie to her she had access to my entire record so she would have know if I was lying. Plus, it was easier to talk with her once I told her why should I lie, I would only get caught and she agreed with me. From that meeting she has contact the organization that I am a member of the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau and has asked for one our speakers to come in and talk to her groups to teach them all about HIV, AIDS and awareness.
You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this, and it is because I want you to know that you can and will succeed at every endeavor that is thrown your way and every obstacle that is in your path, and why do you think that is? Because if you "can conceive it and believe it you will achieve it." For every storm there is a lull or an eye it is when it seems to lighten up a bit and you have a temporary respite from the weather, but there is still more to come and you need to brace yourself for it. Always look for the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining in the clouds, Light dispels the darkness, chases away the shadows, and will eat away at the doubts and depression that are filling your mind. It is that speck of light in the distance that gives you hope, and pulls you ever onward toward it. Once you see that light you know you are almost home free and that you have made it through. It is not always easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel and those storm clouds can be mighty dark. Just keep in mind what my grandmother used to tell me this too shall pass. Trust me it will. Nothing last forever!
The point I am trying to make here is that there is nothing that you cannot overcome. Nothing has permanence in this life and time keeps marching on so if you have the will and the drive you can over come any obstacle that life has in store for you. Just keep in mind that if you keep a positive outlook on life, then the storms and hardships aren't too hard for you to weather, because the negativity just rolls off you like water.
If you don't believe me in this look at my mother's story and tell me that her continued improvement and victories were because she had the will to overcome and she didn't let depression and negativity hold her down. She knew what she wanted and she did what she had to to accomplish that. that is all I want for each and everyone of you. To set your mind to a task and own it. Set you will on it and make it your own because you can and you will succeed.
I am proud of the accomplishments my mother has made and it makes me feel good that she has progressed so far in such a short time. I am also proud of the strides I have made in my own personal life and health, because I know that when the physical therapist told me that I would never get out of that wheel chair, I just had to prove her wrong and I did everything I could to get myself out of that chair and I am so glad that I did. It taught me that if there is a will and a want you can accomplish it no matter what the obstacles are.
Take each day one at a time. Put your mind to a task and just do it. It might surprise you at what you can accomplish just by putting your mind to it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
-Uncle B
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Halloween, My Favorite Time of Year
The autumn nights are cooler and there is usually a nice breeze to accompany the All Hallow's Eve parties, loud music and kids going door to door trick-or-treating. Tonight I am looking out my window at the world passing me by and wondering what am I doing here. See, usually on Halloween I am with my best friend Jason it is his birthday. Back in Atlanta there are tons of parties to go to and of course I know everybody. To be honest this is the first Halloween in years that I haven't dressed up and done something cool with my friend. I have several other friends that have their birthday on this very night, it has been a long time since I got to spend the holiday with them. But I will never forget how I met James and his brother Jason that are born on October 31st. I had gone to Dallas to hang with another best friend that lived with me in Florida. We all got dressed up and went to this huge party and I had a blast. I fell in love with Dallas that very night and have been back a few times since then. The great thing is that after all these years I have still kept in touch with James and Jason a great pair of guys, totally opposites for twins, but really cool to hang out with. I also have another friend named Tony that lives in Atlanta and today is also his birthday. So I guess tonight you could say that I am feeling rather homesick and that I wish I was there with my friends to celebrate and have a good time.
Tonight it is cool here on Daytona Beach but there is a full moon that I am watching as I type this. I am wondering what all of my friends are up too. I wonder if they know how much I miss each one of them, and how I am thinking about them on this very night. How I am hoping and praying that whatever they are doing that they are safe and having a great time. But I also have another wish for all of my friends that I mentioned above, I hope they all find and hold on to the love that is looking desperately to find them, and that their whole year is blessed with Joy and Laughter. Life is too short for all the stress and angst the world wants to through at us. It helps to swallow the bitter with a bit of humor if you ask me. But my wish is also that they find success in their endeavors and fortune in love and be surrounded by friends and loved ones that are supportive of their choices and opinions. Each of us needs to have a network to fall back on, and we need that group to be unconditional in the support of our endeavors, our goals and will be willing to help us reach our dreams.
Halloween is symbolic of many things. They say that the veil between the world's thin and that it is a night that the dead can come back to life, or commune with the living. But it also the end of a season and heralds a time of renewing and rebirth. See it is the autumn that is the time when life has shut down and it goes dormant for a period, regains strength and purpose, so that when spring returns it can burst forth with fresh growth and new life. It is a time of renewal and regeneration. To let go of the past and move forward. Of course it is also a night that kids around the world get to go out in costume and get candy. But it is time for winding down in the world. Even in Corporate and State business it is a time of winding down. Budgets are coming to a close and executives are diligently trying to get the new years budgets done and submitted for approval. It is also the coming of the holidays, for the next several months there are many holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. So even the mighty corporations and conglomerates are showing signs of slowing down. Funny how we humans mimic the cycles of nature and follow the rest and hibernating cycles of the earth.
But the reason why it is my favorite holiday and time of year is because it is a juxtaposition, summer has begun to leave us, and autumn hasn't fully gotten it's hold on the world yet, the leaves are exploding in vibrant colors and are still on the trees, and the colder temperatures haven't exactly crept upon us and robbed us of the warmth. The days are still warm and the nights cool, and it is a time of festivity and revelry. It is time when we can get out and dress up and be something that we normally aren't. It is a time when we can actually be 100 percent honest to the true self that resides in each of us. With our masks on and costumes we can cut up and be the carefree spirits we were meant to be. Instead of the dull suits that work in the office Monday thru Friday, or the school teach stuck in a classroom 9 hours a day, or the bus driver that doesn't say a word unless spoken too or incident occurs. It is a time when we can reach out an explore the side of ourselves that we keep repressed and hidden from the world to see. It is also a time of celebration and gathering with friends to have parties and spend some time with others.
So what are you doing this very Halloween Night? I know that I am sitting here writing to you, because unfortunately as I stated above, I am home sick, lonely and on top of that I am really not feeling all that well. But my well wishes go out to my friends and the ones I love whose very special day it is and who I am unable to spend my time with. I hope that they are all safe and having a great night. I do know that at least one of them is at home celebrating alone...So from my heart to yours..enjoy that glass of wine and know that I was thinking about you and sending you my warmest wishes and best hopes.
I love everyone of you guys...I love you my readers and friends and I hope that you begin to enjoy Halloween like I have for the past 20 years. Get out there and experience life. Because the cycle of hibernation and rest is about to befall you...it is the last fun time you have before the drudgery of the holidays and endless lines of bickering people in the stores. Take the time now, because you aren't going to get it later.
Happy Halloween to All! Happy Birthday James, Jason, Jason (Sa'corey), and Tony! Have a great night and a glorious rest of the week and a most Excellent year!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tonight it is cool here on Daytona Beach but there is a full moon that I am watching as I type this. I am wondering what all of my friends are up too. I wonder if they know how much I miss each one of them, and how I am thinking about them on this very night. How I am hoping and praying that whatever they are doing that they are safe and having a great time. But I also have another wish for all of my friends that I mentioned above, I hope they all find and hold on to the love that is looking desperately to find them, and that their whole year is blessed with Joy and Laughter. Life is too short for all the stress and angst the world wants to through at us. It helps to swallow the bitter with a bit of humor if you ask me. But my wish is also that they find success in their endeavors and fortune in love and be surrounded by friends and loved ones that are supportive of their choices and opinions. Each of us needs to have a network to fall back on, and we need that group to be unconditional in the support of our endeavors, our goals and will be willing to help us reach our dreams.
Halloween is symbolic of many things. They say that the veil between the world's thin and that it is a night that the dead can come back to life, or commune with the living. But it also the end of a season and heralds a time of renewing and rebirth. See it is the autumn that is the time when life has shut down and it goes dormant for a period, regains strength and purpose, so that when spring returns it can burst forth with fresh growth and new life. It is a time of renewal and regeneration. To let go of the past and move forward. Of course it is also a night that kids around the world get to go out in costume and get candy. But it is time for winding down in the world. Even in Corporate and State business it is a time of winding down. Budgets are coming to a close and executives are diligently trying to get the new years budgets done and submitted for approval. It is also the coming of the holidays, for the next several months there are many holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. So even the mighty corporations and conglomerates are showing signs of slowing down. Funny how we humans mimic the cycles of nature and follow the rest and hibernating cycles of the earth.
But the reason why it is my favorite holiday and time of year is because it is a juxtaposition, summer has begun to leave us, and autumn hasn't fully gotten it's hold on the world yet, the leaves are exploding in vibrant colors and are still on the trees, and the colder temperatures haven't exactly crept upon us and robbed us of the warmth. The days are still warm and the nights cool, and it is a time of festivity and revelry. It is time when we can get out and dress up and be something that we normally aren't. It is a time when we can actually be 100 percent honest to the true self that resides in each of us. With our masks on and costumes we can cut up and be the carefree spirits we were meant to be. Instead of the dull suits that work in the office Monday thru Friday, or the school teach stuck in a classroom 9 hours a day, or the bus driver that doesn't say a word unless spoken too or incident occurs. It is a time when we can reach out an explore the side of ourselves that we keep repressed and hidden from the world to see. It is also a time of celebration and gathering with friends to have parties and spend some time with others.
So what are you doing this very Halloween Night? I know that I am sitting here writing to you, because unfortunately as I stated above, I am home sick, lonely and on top of that I am really not feeling all that well. But my well wishes go out to my friends and the ones I love whose very special day it is and who I am unable to spend my time with. I hope that they are all safe and having a great night. I do know that at least one of them is at home celebrating alone...So from my heart to yours..enjoy that glass of wine and know that I was thinking about you and sending you my warmest wishes and best hopes.
I love everyone of you guys...I love you my readers and friends and I hope that you begin to enjoy Halloween like I have for the past 20 years. Get out there and experience life. Because the cycle of hibernation and rest is about to befall you...it is the last fun time you have before the drudgery of the holidays and endless lines of bickering people in the stores. Take the time now, because you aren't going to get it later.
Happy Halloween to All! Happy Birthday James, Jason, Jason (Sa'corey), and Tony! Have a great night and a glorious rest of the week and a most Excellent year!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)