Learn, Live and Adapt

08/02/18

Who could have known that a series of misadventures would lead to the discovery of a serious heart problem.  A dear friend passed away in Jacksonville, almost around the same time that I found out that my father had lung cancer.  Another friend asked me to help him so I thought that I could make a few bucks helping him out and visit my father and family at the same time.  How was I too know that my car was going to get stolen from me along with my wallet and my phone. 

Or that the person I came to help would end up screwing up my checking accounts so bad that I would end up losing one of them due to fraud.  Which also led me to lose my credit card and cause so much anxiety and tension between my roommate and myself that I would end up becoming homeless once again and put me in the hospital for almost 2 complete months.

During the hospital stay I was to find out that the lower artery of my heart was completely blocked.  I also found out that since my partial nephrectomy that both of my kidneys had shrunk and that dialysis was looming ever closer to my future.  Further, I discovered that my roommate in Jacksonville wasn't as much of a friend as he claimed to be because not only did he tell me that he changed the locks and that I couldn't come home, even though I had paid my rent.  He ended up taking everything I owned and left me with only the shorts and t-shirt that I left Jacksonville with.  Not to mention that since I have been out of the hospital he hasn't tried to contact me once.  Wonder why I even considered him a friend. 

On July 15th I had heart surgery and was soon released from the hospital. Actually on the day that I got out Travis text me and told me that supposedly we had been evicted from the apartment and everything I owned was lost and gone forever. I have since learned from his Aunt and other friends that he lied about it.  Sorry to say that I once considered Travis Young a friend but I found out the hard way that he was nothing but a liar, user and a thief. 

Starting over is never an easy thing to do.  This time it was going to be especially hard just coming out of major heart surgery, having lost everything including my car and all my worldly possessions and not having a cent to my name.  I really had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that going  back to living on the street wasn't an option for me this time.  My health was too poor to handle the situation.  I had already been in Daytona almost 2 1/2 months by the time I was released from the hospital and all of my medical supplies and medication was left in Jacksonville. I had never imagined that I was going to be stuck in Daytona as long as I was.  Originally I was only supposed to be gone a couple of hours and then all of the bullshit started happening and I got stuck and trapped with no wallet and no phone.

So here I was released from the hospital with no place to go, and nowhere to turn.  I ended up spending the night at my father's house and contacting my friend in Orlando to see if I could come and stay with her.  Once I had done all of that I contacted Progressive to see what they had determined to do with my insurance claim on my stolen car.  To my dismay they decided that it was better to total the car versus fix the damage that was done to the vehicle and so I am homeless and pretty much stranded with no exit strategy in place.

My friend Judy agreed to let me come stay with her because she is about to have surgery and wold need someone to help her during her recovery.  So it seems like making the decision to come to Orlando was the right decision after all.  My friend Jack bought me a bus ticket to Orlando and I was soon off to start over once again.  I have only been here a couple of days and I have already gotten my cell phone service re-established and my internet account set up, also have transferred my medicare and gotten a new primary care physician.  I am well on the road to recovery from my folly!

If things continue at this pace I will be re-established with the VA and Ryan White and all the other services that I need in record time.  When I moved to Jacksonville it took me almost 4 months to get totally established and recover all the things that I had to leave behind in Daytona.  Sometimes making the wrong decision can work out in your advantage as I am finding out. It will not take me near as long to get myself back to where I was when I left Jacksonville this time.  It is true that I lost all my clothes, shoes and hats. Most of my important papers are also gone but I was able to come to terms with this loss so much better. Maybe it was because of the amount of time I was in the hospital and how serious my illness was, but honestly I am finding it so much easier to cope with loosing things this time around. 

Plus I have come full circle in my life, who knows what my future may hold, I could even end up back in Atlanta.  Seems like forces are aligning towards that direction in my future.  Kerry and I have been talking again and once he recovers from his craniotomy we have discussed us moving back to Atlanta together.  Kerry and I have a long history together spending close to 12 years dating off and on.  I am not saying that we are destined for one another or anything like that.  All I can tell you is that our story isn't finished yet, there are still several more chapters to write in that book.  For those of you who have been following my blog from the beginning you might recall my experiment of love from the past.  The series of misadventures that Kerry and I had in Daytona, Los Angeles, and so much more! 

Life has pulled us apart, but every 4 or 5 years or so we are drawn back together.  This is actually our 5th year apart and he almost came to visit me in Jacksonville back in March, to be honest with you I was really disappointed when he couldn't make it and ended up back in LA before we had a chance to get together.  You never know if we would have gotten together in March things may have turned out totally differently, but since it didn't happen that way there really is no need to speculate.  Just understand that we are talking again and things are different between us then before.  I am worried about him, he has to have surgery on his head again in a couple of weeks and I don't know what is going to happen. 

But I am learning that the key to surviving and even possibly living is you must have the ability to adapt to whatever situation life throws your way.  Further, if you really want to overcome the obstacles and hinderances that people throw in your way you have to develop and attitude of not caring.  You have to look out for yourself and put your own well being before that of others.  This has been a major problem for me ever since Joe and I broke up and Sterling and I started dating.  When Sterling and I broke up and Kerry and I decided to become a couple and life began to change dramatically for me.  It became clear that I was a nurturer and that I felt the compulsive need to take care of someone and with Kerry that need was filled because of his aneurysm.  Who really knows what the future is going to bring I certainly don't.  What I do know is that life gets far less complicated when you aren't burdened with carrying the things from your past with you.

It is true that I have lost everything that tied me to my past, I lost all the stuff from my relationship with Joe and the 12 years that we were together and the things that I managed to salvage from that relationship.  Then I lost everything from my time in Florida and Georgia, and California because I couldn't afford to pay for the 2 storage units I had.  So when I left Daytona and went to Jacksonville I had pretty much already lost everything that tied me to my past and all the associated memories that were with them.  The truth of the matter is despite the loss of my physical possessions I still have the memories intact.  There is no way that I can forget all that I have been through and the people that I have met along my life.  The truth is what I have done in the past has become a part of me that have molded me and shaped me into the person I am today.  These memories are mine and can never be taken away from me, the people I have history with are still a part of my life and I theirs.  Though I don't get to see them as often as I like we have a shared past that is unique between us and can never be changed or broken, a bond has been forged and lessons learned. 

Though my future is unclear as to where I am going to end up and who I will be with. The truth is that at this moment I don't really care.  Those that are important to me are still in contact with me. Like I said it really should be more but they have lives to lead and I have mine to get back on track so I can understand the distance, though it really doesn't help the lonely feelings that I experience from time to time.  I just know that at some point in the future we will see each other again and things will not feel stained or strange.

Sterling, Jason, Scotty, Kerry, John, Alan, Allen, Jaime, and all the other friends that I have made throughout my life, we will see each other again of this I am certain.  It might not be this year, or even next year but it will happen.  Its funny that life has been throwing curve balls in my direction.  Yet, even with them life seems to turn out just the way it is supposed to be and I end up in exactly the right place at the right time.  It will happen for you too if you are just open to the future of possibilities and live learn and adapt to anything that life deems fit to throw your way. 

As always my hopes and dreams are with you!

Uncle B

Halloween, My Favorite Time of Year

The autumn nights are cooler and there is usually a nice breeze to accompany the All Hallow's Eve parties, loud music and kids going door to door trick-or-treating.  Tonight I am looking out my window at the world passing me by and wondering what am I doing here.  See, usually on Halloween I am with my best friend Jason it is his birthday.  Back in Atlanta there are tons of parties to go to and of course I know everybody.  To be honest this is the first Halloween in years that I haven't dressed up and done something cool with my friend.  I have several other friends that have their birthday on this very night, it has been a long time since I got to spend the holiday with them.  But I will never forget how I met James and his brother Jason that are born on October 31st. I had gone to Dallas to hang with another best friend that lived with me in Florida.  We all got dressed up and went to this huge party and I had a blast. I fell in love with Dallas that very night and have been back a few times since then.  The great thing is that after all these years I have still kept in touch with James and Jason a great pair of guys, totally opposites for twins, but really cool to hang out with.  I also have another friend named Tony that lives in Atlanta and today is also his birthday.  So I guess tonight you could say that I am feeling rather homesick and that I wish I was there with my friends to celebrate and have a good time.

Tonight it is cool here on Daytona Beach but there is a full moon that I am watching as I type this.  I am wondering what all of my friends are up too.  I wonder if they know how much I miss each one of them, and how I am thinking about them on this very night.  How I am hoping and praying that whatever they are doing that they are safe and having a great time.  But I also have another wish for all of my friends that I mentioned above, I hope they all find and hold on to the love that is looking desperately to find them, and that their whole year is blessed with Joy and Laughter.  Life is too short for all the stress and angst the world wants to through at us.  It helps to swallow the bitter with a bit of humor if you ask me.  But my wish is also that they find success in their endeavors and fortune in love and be surrounded by friends and loved ones that are supportive of their choices and opinions.  Each of us needs to have a network to fall back on, and we need that group to be unconditional in the support of our endeavors, our goals and will be willing to help us reach our dreams.

Halloween is symbolic of many things.  They say that the veil between the world's thin and that it is a night that the dead can come back to life, or commune with the living. But it also the end of a season and heralds a time of renewing and rebirth.  See it is the autumn that is the time when life has shut down and it goes dormant for a period, regains strength and purpose, so that when spring returns it can burst forth with fresh growth and new life.  It is a time of renewal and regeneration. To let go of the past and move forward.  Of course it is also a night that kids around the world get to go out in costume and get candy. But it is time for winding down in the world.  Even in Corporate and State business it is a time of winding down. Budgets are coming to a close and executives are diligently trying to get the new years budgets done and submitted for approval.  It is also the coming of the holidays, for the next several months there are many holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  So even the mighty corporations and conglomerates are showing signs of slowing down.  Funny how we humans mimic the cycles of nature and follow the rest and hibernating cycles of the earth.

But the reason why it is my favorite holiday and time of year is because it is a juxtaposition, summer has begun to leave us, and autumn hasn't fully gotten it's hold on the world yet, the leaves are exploding in vibrant colors and are still on the trees, and the colder temperatures haven't exactly crept upon us and robbed us of the warmth.  The days are still warm and the nights cool, and it is a time of festivity and revelry.  It is time when we can get out and dress up and be something that we normally aren't.  It is a time when we can actually be 100 percent honest to the true self that resides in each of us. With our masks on and costumes we can cut up and be the carefree spirits we were meant to be.  Instead of the dull suits that work in the office Monday thru Friday, or the school teach stuck in a classroom 9 hours a day, or the bus driver that doesn't say a word unless spoken too or incident occurs.  It is a time when we can reach out an explore the side of ourselves that we keep repressed and hidden from the world to see.  It is also a time of celebration and gathering with friends to have parties and spend some time with others.

So what are you doing this very Halloween Night?  I know that I am sitting here writing to you, because unfortunately as I stated above, I am home sick, lonely and on top of that I am really not feeling all that well.  But my well wishes go out to my friends and the ones I love whose very special day it is and who I am unable to spend my time with.  I hope that they are all safe and having a great night.  I do know that at least one of them is at home celebrating alone...So from my heart to yours..enjoy that glass of wine and know that I was thinking about you and sending you my warmest wishes and best hopes.

I love everyone of you guys...I love you my readers and friends and I hope that you begin to enjoy Halloween like I have for the past 20 years.  Get out there and experience life.  Because the cycle of hibernation and rest is about to befall you...it is the last fun time you have before the drudgery of the holidays and endless lines of bickering people in the stores.  Take the time now, because you aren't going to get it later.

Happy Halloween to All!  Happy Birthday James, Jason, Jason (Sa'corey), and Tony!  Have a great night and a glorious rest of the week and a most Excellent year!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B