I am attempting to write this with my cell phone so please bear(IDK) with me. A lot has been going on in my life and some major changes are in the works. Back in February I did some foolish things and ended up getting really sick for a little while. Luckily I had met someone who would turn out to be not only a good friend, but a person I can depend on and learn from.
Please understand and for those of you who have been reading my blog faithfully will know this already about me. I have a great deal of book smarts, but in the world that only gets you so far. For 40 plus years I have been ruled by my heart and my emotions. I tried to please everyone, and I wanted to save every soul that was in need. For the most part I was able to live that way because I had partners that either didn't understand or really didn't care.
Over the years I was able to help a lot of people. Some of which are greatful and are successful today because of the help that I gave them others took what they could and went back to their old ways. Of course, I am saddened by their decision, but in the end it was what they decided to make of it. Now, there was a certain set of criterea that I followed, I wanted to the help those that were doing something to help themselves, most of the time they either had to have a job or were in school. We would set milestones and goals that were realistic and attainable. It worked out for the most part, yet I was pulled in many different directions and it seemed like I was always stepping out on a limb for someone. I took time to help everyone else, but I never stopped to take care of myself. I have been characterized by my grandmother and Angel on Earth and for quite a few people I have been. To others I was just a means to an end, someone that was foolish enough to believe what they were selling and pretty much getting taken advantage of.
Do you know why I started this blog and what it's purpose was suppose to be? I started this blog in 2012 when I was really sick and had to have multiple bowel surgeries and then I broke my leg and I was laid up in bed for nearly 8 full months. So as a way of trying to continue to help people I put my life out there for the world to see, all the good the bad, the ugly and the unvarnished truth. Some people hated how much of my life I shared with you, others took solace knowing that there was someone out there that was going through or had gone through something similiar to their own situation. So for several years now I have been chronicallying my life, but I have been giving real examples of how to overcome adversity, deal with health issues, disabilities, limitations, and most of all how to change your perspective and look at a situation objectively from all different angles.
I am proud that I have been able to help and reach so many people with my blog, and that my life and crisises that I have been through and endured have been an inspiration to many and have seen some of you through some really dark times. I thank you for all the emails and letters that I have recieved and the encouragement that some of you have given me. You cannot understand the overwhelming feeling I get when someone writes too me and tells me how my entry that day seemed to be speaking right too them and that it was written just so they could understand it perfectly. But here is the secret I write to purge my soul of a thought or situation that has been bothering me, but it is God that is speaking through my word or better yet those are the words that God allowed my hands to write and maybe it was written just for you or maybe it was written because that message needed to go out. Whatever the reason I write what I feel and about what is on my mind or what I am going through.
Here we are again, rambling along and you are probably wondering what I was trying to say. So, I guess I better get back on track and try to tie these threads of thought together so that you see clearly the picture I was trying to get too from the beginning. Let me jump in right here, I was talking about book smarts, and was heading towards the fact that I have just a little street smarts, but common sense I either lack totally or I have become so used to letting my feelings and heart over rule it that it doesn't exist and I get myself into situation after situation, problem after problem, and I am still running trying to save everyone and guess what I have once again forgotten about myself, my needs, my wants and my desires. But, as I have been telling you 2015 is a year of change and change has come to me and it started in February like I told you at the begining, it is all because of one person. He is very shy and doesn't like to be mentioned or talked about, and absolutely hates talking about his feelings. What I can say is this, he has taken some sort of interest in me and saw how quite a few people were taking advantage of me. They were abusing me with their words and deeds and I was just oblivious too it. Now here is the part that blows my mind he is half my age and then some, and here I am learning from him.
Now up until this point it has always been very difficult for me to say "NO" and when I have been backed into a corner and pressured I would cave in. Well, I have finally 2 people in my life who constantly remind me that it is okay to say NO and mean it. It is okay to want and do stuff for myself and that I owe no one and explanation for my decision. All that needs to be expressed is the decision and that is all. Boy it is hard for me, and a HUGE, GREAT, TITANIC change in my lifestyle that it is taking everyone by surprise, and yet those that matter like family and true friends are finally saying it is about damn time.
So bringing all the threads of this conversation together the purpose of this blog was to reach out and help people just like myself that were going through things and giving them real world answers and solutions. I have used my life and my story as examples. This is how I am going to save people now, this is how i am going to help others. Why am I telling you all of this? Well some of you are used to asking directly for help or money, or it could be a ride that you need or a slew of other things. But change is upon us! I know I have said it before, however this time you better believe I am sincere and this is taking place for real "Captain Save a Ho " is dead. I cannot come to your rescue because you made a bad choice, I am not going to reach out and save you everytime you screw up and make everything alright. I have done all of that for years and all it did was enable you to continue doing the things you are doing and putting myself into a routine and pattern that was just taken granted of.
If you need something or want me to do something for you, you need to come out and ask me. Stop assuming that I am just going to be there or that I am going to. I don't like feeling like I am expected to do something for you, because the truth is I am just doing you a favor, and you better understand that and respect it. No more demands, I am taking my time, engergy and most of the time gas to help you out. Understand that and be gracious.
Always remember this "LACK OF PLANNING ON YOUR PART DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AN EMERGENCY ON MY PART"
I have a set of criteria that I am measuring all my friends too and if they don't measure up I am cutting them loose, becasue they are just holding me back. See if you think my criteria is on point : A true friend is someone that puts your best interest up front, who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. Is a person that will defend you and stand up for your when you are not around. Is a person that has your back even when you mess things up royally. Who nurses you when you are sick. Helps you put the peices of your life back together when you are devestated. They lift you up when you are down. They will listen and offer their advice and their opinion. Learn to consider both.
As always, my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label lesson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesson. Show all posts
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Sunday, February 22, 2015
The weight on my chest
They keep telling me that life is what you make of it. I have yet again taken a wrong turn and before I realized it I was back to where I started.
It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you. You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago. There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.
Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days. This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.
I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time. Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun. Why put me through Atlanta all over again? Why do what he did?
I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away. However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account. All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'
I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money. But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there. It was a set up from the get go.
Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.
I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me. But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly. Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe. You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed. I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.
You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing. Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account. I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have bought more stuff and saved some money. But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00. That come on you know I got you. I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright. Guess what it isn't alright.
A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved. Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.
What I find even more funny is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend. You gave everyone more than me. I didn't say anything it was just drugs. But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff, which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.
But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house. I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.
Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on the phone, I would have been happy.
How disappointing!
But I have to give credit where credit is due. My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure the the bills were paid first they were priority. Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed. He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in. Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you. You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago. There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.
Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days. This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.
I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time. Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun. Why put me through Atlanta all over again? Why do what he did?
I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away. However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account. All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'
I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money. But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there. It was a set up from the get go.
Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.
I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me. But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly. Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe. You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed. I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.
You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing. Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account. I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have bought more stuff and saved some money. But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00. That come on you know I got you. I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright. Guess what it isn't alright.
A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved. Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.
What I find even more funny is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend. You gave everyone more than me. I didn't say anything it was just drugs. But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff, which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.
But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house. I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.
Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on the phone, I would have been happy.
How disappointing!
But I have to give credit where credit is due. My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure the the bills were paid first they were priority. Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed. He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in. Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, December 3, 2012
Saturday December 1st Dual Meaning for me!
You know when I was young December 1st only had one meaning for me, but as I got older and the AIDS pandemic was realized that day was forever changed for me. Today I am one out of countless people that deal with living with HIV the precursor to AIDS. Now, a lot has changes since the 80's with the hysteria and rumors running rampant through the country. The life expectancy of a newly infected person is now close to 30 years with the current drugs that are on the market. However, that doesn't mean that there still aren't deaths and complications that can arise that can shorten someone's lifespan. As the title suggest I have now two reasons to celebrate on December 1st. I guess the first and foremost one would be that it is my birthday, and second is the celebration of Worlds AIDS Day.
This year I am celebrating my 44th birthday, I am blessed and lucky to have such a long life. Though I have health issues and concerns, I have still outlived some of my closest and dearest friends and loved ones. See, in the early years of HIV/AIDS there wasn't much knowledge about the disease, how it was spread, and what could be done to treat it. Many of my friends died a very painful and agonizing death, others became detached because of dementia and other factors. It was hard for me watching so many of the people I love die, even worse was the fact that a longtime partner didn't even recognize me or know me the day that he died. We had been together for years, I was the lucky one, I didn't contract the disease right away. As a matter of fact when he died in 95, I was finishing up my first battle with colon cancer and seemed to be none the worse for wear.
I have to be honest I was lost for quite awhile after his death, and so I decided to go back to school and that is when I first discovered my love for writing. Here we are 20 years later and I am still writing and that is a blessing. But nothing could take away the pain nor the hole that was left in my life by his passing. However, in 1997 I met an extraordinary person who moved me away from Orlando and my family and took me to the "Big City" of Atlanta. Where I actually lived and worked till this year. I have met some wonderful and beautiful people on my journey, and I have made some big mistakes. It is also where I contracted the virus that I had so carefully avoided. I am the type of person that learns everything I can about the diseases and illness I am faced with. Through that knowledge it led me to a greater understanding of the people that are affected by the disease as well as those infected by it. See it is important to remember that a person doesn't actually have to be infected by the disease for it to affect them in some way. None of us are immune to feeling the effects of a friend or loved one becoming infected. Of course the circumstances and the situations are different still between the affected and the infected.
When I moved to Volusia County in February of 2012 I didn't know what I was going to find. I came here blind only knowing my father. Didn't even know the person he was living with. So I was on my own. No friends, only my dad, no car, no money. But I came anyway, and I have to tell you that I am happy that I did. Through my curiosity and wanting to keep up with my medical treatments for HIV, I contacted the Florida AIDS helpline and got some information on resources in my area. Within a matter of days I had set up appointments and began my journey. My first case manager, was Donna Wood, a wonderful woman who like me cares about people and their welfare. She took me under her wing and talked to me about several programs that she thought I might be interested in, and by the summer I had joined and became part of several groups that advocate and fight the stigmas, myths and misconceptions about HIV/AIDS. She also encouraged me to continue my writing and telling my story to anyone and everyone that would listen, for that I am going to be ever grateful. So this year when the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau talked about doing an event for raising money for our group during the Worlds AIDS Week celebration I quickly volunteered to help.
The group decided that we were going to do a dinner and a play for our fundraiser. We met with other organizations and coordinated our efforts so that we could do the play and not interfere with anyone else's events. It was held at the Daytona Beach Museum of Arts and Sciences. It was a catered affair, with a wine and cheese reception before, a slide presentation during the meal and then our performance. The turn out was spectacular, and I have to say that we all had a great time. It was a learning time and a time for coming together. We took a topic that is highly sensitive, we broke it down into real life examples, told our story, and we did it in such a way that it wasn't heavy or stale, and gave it a human face, and a little humor and it was met with a great response. I am proud to say that I was the co-author the play, and I believe that throughout the work you can see the upbeat and positive energy that was lovingly put into it. For those of you who didn't get to attend you missed something spectacular and revealing.
But you know, it was after the play was done and everyone was leaving that I had a chance to talk to some of the wait staff and people that were behind the scenes, and you know what was amazing to me was how open and receptive these young people were to the message we were sending out. Two of the young men that were on the Banquet line and passing through the tables collecting the dirty dishes were 17 years old, they saw and heard the play, and one of them told me that he had learned a lot about the disease that he didn't know from our play, and that we had taken a taboo subject and made it humorous and delivered it with a delicacy that was excellent. That the facts and figures that were expressed were done in a way that made them memorable and helped him to feel more comfortable about being tested and finding out more about the disease. Now trust me when I tell you that I was touched by this. Because our goal is to address the younger generation, educate them, help them to understand the stigmas, fears that surround the disease and finding out that you are positive.
The young man went on to say that he was impressed with me because of my response to when I was asked questions about my health and how I managed to stay so upbeat and positive with all that I am facing. Honestly, it was him and his willingness to talk to me that impressed me. See, I am living with it, I have been dealing with it for awhile and I have come through the stigmas, social fears, the pressure of when to disclose and when not too, so talking to others about my illness has become second nature to me. But here was a young man wanting to know more about what he could do to help bring awareness to his peers and friends and that my friends made the whole evening worthwhile. Yes it is true that we want an end to the disease, the persecution, and the segregation that we feel when we disclose, but we also want to reach these young people. Help them to understand that safe sex, and getting tested routinely is important. We want them to realize that HIV/AIDS doesn't care if you are gay or straight, male or female, white or black, hispanic or asian, it doesn't care if you are rich or poor, it doesn't care at all! We are all targets for it. We also want them to realize that there are cultural differences that will be barriers that they may have to overcome and that there are others out there just like them that are going through the same things, and that there are people who care and are willing to help them. No one has to face this alone.
Now as I close this entry, I want you to think about this, HIV/AIDS can impact your life at anytime, through yourself or those around you. You can't tell if someone is sick or infected just by looking at them. Heck three out of five people today are infected and have no signs of illness or even know that hey are infected. You just can't tell. We each have a voice and we can do something about this, we have been too quiet for far too long, people are still dying out there, and HIV/AIDS hasn't gone away. Talk to your friends and family about it. Volunteer your time if you have some, educate yourself and learn more about how it is affecting your community. Become a light in the darkness and let others know you care. Though World's AIDS Day is only celebrated once a year, I hope that you will take the initiative in your own life and make it a celebration every day like I do.
I also want to say thank you for all of you who came to the benefit, saw our play and enjoyed yourself. I am glad you came, I am happy that we were able to deliver not hard topic to discuss, but also shared with you a part of ourselves and our stories. You made all our efforts worthwhile. Thank you to the Positive Champions Speaker's Bureau for becoming my family, my friends, and letting me be a part of your group. Thank you for the support you have shown me this entire year as I have been battling my own health issues, and most of all thank you with trusting me with your stories, so that the play could be written and acted out. Thank you for listening to my advice and suggestions when we were rehearsing, and for making this event such a wonderful experience for everyone.
I would also like to say that I am so very proud of you all, for putting yourselves out there and giving of yourselves daily to each other and the community. Your efforts inspire me and make me happy to have found such a group of loving and supportive people. I am already looking forward to the coming year and all the things that we can do to help improve our community and our group.
I love you all!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
This year I am celebrating my 44th birthday, I am blessed and lucky to have such a long life. Though I have health issues and concerns, I have still outlived some of my closest and dearest friends and loved ones. See, in the early years of HIV/AIDS there wasn't much knowledge about the disease, how it was spread, and what could be done to treat it. Many of my friends died a very painful and agonizing death, others became detached because of dementia and other factors. It was hard for me watching so many of the people I love die, even worse was the fact that a longtime partner didn't even recognize me or know me the day that he died. We had been together for years, I was the lucky one, I didn't contract the disease right away. As a matter of fact when he died in 95, I was finishing up my first battle with colon cancer and seemed to be none the worse for wear.
I have to be honest I was lost for quite awhile after his death, and so I decided to go back to school and that is when I first discovered my love for writing. Here we are 20 years later and I am still writing and that is a blessing. But nothing could take away the pain nor the hole that was left in my life by his passing. However, in 1997 I met an extraordinary person who moved me away from Orlando and my family and took me to the "Big City" of Atlanta. Where I actually lived and worked till this year. I have met some wonderful and beautiful people on my journey, and I have made some big mistakes. It is also where I contracted the virus that I had so carefully avoided. I am the type of person that learns everything I can about the diseases and illness I am faced with. Through that knowledge it led me to a greater understanding of the people that are affected by the disease as well as those infected by it. See it is important to remember that a person doesn't actually have to be infected by the disease for it to affect them in some way. None of us are immune to feeling the effects of a friend or loved one becoming infected. Of course the circumstances and the situations are different still between the affected and the infected.
When I moved to Volusia County in February of 2012 I didn't know what I was going to find. I came here blind only knowing my father. Didn't even know the person he was living with. So I was on my own. No friends, only my dad, no car, no money. But I came anyway, and I have to tell you that I am happy that I did. Through my curiosity and wanting to keep up with my medical treatments for HIV, I contacted the Florida AIDS helpline and got some information on resources in my area. Within a matter of days I had set up appointments and began my journey. My first case manager, was Donna Wood, a wonderful woman who like me cares about people and their welfare. She took me under her wing and talked to me about several programs that she thought I might be interested in, and by the summer I had joined and became part of several groups that advocate and fight the stigmas, myths and misconceptions about HIV/AIDS. She also encouraged me to continue my writing and telling my story to anyone and everyone that would listen, for that I am going to be ever grateful. So this year when the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau talked about doing an event for raising money for our group during the Worlds AIDS Week celebration I quickly volunteered to help.
The group decided that we were going to do a dinner and a play for our fundraiser. We met with other organizations and coordinated our efforts so that we could do the play and not interfere with anyone else's events. It was held at the Daytona Beach Museum of Arts and Sciences. It was a catered affair, with a wine and cheese reception before, a slide presentation during the meal and then our performance. The turn out was spectacular, and I have to say that we all had a great time. It was a learning time and a time for coming together. We took a topic that is highly sensitive, we broke it down into real life examples, told our story, and we did it in such a way that it wasn't heavy or stale, and gave it a human face, and a little humor and it was met with a great response. I am proud to say that I was the co-author the play, and I believe that throughout the work you can see the upbeat and positive energy that was lovingly put into it. For those of you who didn't get to attend you missed something spectacular and revealing.
But you know, it was after the play was done and everyone was leaving that I had a chance to talk to some of the wait staff and people that were behind the scenes, and you know what was amazing to me was how open and receptive these young people were to the message we were sending out. Two of the young men that were on the Banquet line and passing through the tables collecting the dirty dishes were 17 years old, they saw and heard the play, and one of them told me that he had learned a lot about the disease that he didn't know from our play, and that we had taken a taboo subject and made it humorous and delivered it with a delicacy that was excellent. That the facts and figures that were expressed were done in a way that made them memorable and helped him to feel more comfortable about being tested and finding out more about the disease. Now trust me when I tell you that I was touched by this. Because our goal is to address the younger generation, educate them, help them to understand the stigmas, fears that surround the disease and finding out that you are positive.
The young man went on to say that he was impressed with me because of my response to when I was asked questions about my health and how I managed to stay so upbeat and positive with all that I am facing. Honestly, it was him and his willingness to talk to me that impressed me. See, I am living with it, I have been dealing with it for awhile and I have come through the stigmas, social fears, the pressure of when to disclose and when not too, so talking to others about my illness has become second nature to me. But here was a young man wanting to know more about what he could do to help bring awareness to his peers and friends and that my friends made the whole evening worthwhile. Yes it is true that we want an end to the disease, the persecution, and the segregation that we feel when we disclose, but we also want to reach these young people. Help them to understand that safe sex, and getting tested routinely is important. We want them to realize that HIV/AIDS doesn't care if you are gay or straight, male or female, white or black, hispanic or asian, it doesn't care if you are rich or poor, it doesn't care at all! We are all targets for it. We also want them to realize that there are cultural differences that will be barriers that they may have to overcome and that there are others out there just like them that are going through the same things, and that there are people who care and are willing to help them. No one has to face this alone.
Now as I close this entry, I want you to think about this, HIV/AIDS can impact your life at anytime, through yourself or those around you. You can't tell if someone is sick or infected just by looking at them. Heck three out of five people today are infected and have no signs of illness or even know that hey are infected. You just can't tell. We each have a voice and we can do something about this, we have been too quiet for far too long, people are still dying out there, and HIV/AIDS hasn't gone away. Talk to your friends and family about it. Volunteer your time if you have some, educate yourself and learn more about how it is affecting your community. Become a light in the darkness and let others know you care. Though World's AIDS Day is only celebrated once a year, I hope that you will take the initiative in your own life and make it a celebration every day like I do.
I also want to say thank you for all of you who came to the benefit, saw our play and enjoyed yourself. I am glad you came, I am happy that we were able to deliver not hard topic to discuss, but also shared with you a part of ourselves and our stories. You made all our efforts worthwhile. Thank you to the Positive Champions Speaker's Bureau for becoming my family, my friends, and letting me be a part of your group. Thank you for the support you have shown me this entire year as I have been battling my own health issues, and most of all thank you with trusting me with your stories, so that the play could be written and acted out. Thank you for listening to my advice and suggestions when we were rehearsing, and for making this event such a wonderful experience for everyone.
I would also like to say that I am so very proud of you all, for putting yourselves out there and giving of yourselves daily to each other and the community. Your efforts inspire me and make me happy to have found such a group of loving and supportive people. I am already looking forward to the coming year and all the things that we can do to help improve our community and our group.
I love you all!
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Trouble comes around when you least expect it.
Today was a busy day for me I ran around trying to get my finances in order because I have a ticket to pay in Atlanta for my little excursion that turned out to be a nightmare. I had called the court last week and found out that the ticket was going to cost $194.40 for stopping in the road way. The officer was trying to find drugs in the car but since he couldn't do that he decided to give me a ticket anyway. Well, I got the money together because when I talked to the court last week they told me that I could pay it via the automated system. However tonight when I called the automated system it tells me that there are two tickets out there and that I needed to appear in court. So I went online to see if I could pay it via their website and what I found out is that there are two tickets issued one back in 2007 and then one I got in 2012. Now, the ticket in 2007 is not mine at all. The tag numbers don't match and the "party" field shows unknown. This is very frustrating for me because I finally got all my ducks in a row so that I could take care of this and get myself ahead of the game.
Keep in mind that when I got a hold of the clerk of the court in Atlanta, I was told that I specifically had to pay the ticket before my court date or they would suspend my license. I explained that I didn't live there and that there was no way that I could appear in court and I was trying to get an extension, she told me that I needed to write a letter to the judge asking for a reset of the court date because I couldn't appear. Now, I am not sure what I am supposed to do at this point, because even if I left now I would be stretching my finances so thin that I probably would end up getting stranded up there again. I cannot afford to have that happen, the last time I went up there I got stranded and my health suffered and I ended up in the hospital 4 times total. Honestly, I can't and don't want to go through all of that again. Even though a part of me would like to go up there and try and find my friend Tony, but I don't even have a clue where to look for him at the moment and I am not sure he would even come back with me if I did find him.
Besides which I have an appointment with the doctors tomorrow to discuss the referrals I need to see the GI specialist and neurologist. It seems that I am having a residual problem with my left leg from the drain that they removed from my back a week ago, when they went in and drained the cyst that had formed. I knew that Saturday when he pulled the drain out that he had hurt the nerve. I was told that it would bother me for a short period of time, but the pain has gotten a lot worse today. I am thinking that it is because of the weather. See I have had problems all my life when the barometric pressure drops because I had a fractured skull when I was born. Then when I was going through chemotherapy in the 90's they infiltrated the vein and the tissue on my right arm got damaged. It would turn black when the storms would come and I would get terrible migraines. Today a storm rolled in and my leg started hurting and my arm was sore as well, and on top of that I had a terrible migraine that lasted the whole day.
I wasn't prepared for having all of the pain on top of all the drama that has ensued. I even went by work today to pick up the check that they owed me for the deposit I paid to stay in the hotel that my company manages. I didn't stay there at all because last Friday they told me that I would have to pay a $200.00 deposit and I didn't have the extra money to come up with that. That was drama filled as well because just earlier on Friday I was told that I wouldn't have to pay a deposit because I worked for the company. I guess they knew that they were going to fire me on Friday, because the deal was there would be no deposit as long as I worked for them. In hindsight I guess I should have figured it out, but I was so excited about finally finding a place of my own that I could afford, and a person who was willing to work with me and knows my situation.
I have come to expect that when good things happen in my life they are always tempered with bad things. See this past weekend was so filled with blessings and good things that I should have known that bad things were just around the corner. However, there is no warning when bad things are looming. The good thing is this we are promised that we will never be given more than we can bear, God knows what our limitations are and will ensure that we have the strength to endure. Remember that every time a problem or crisis hits us there is a lesson somewhere in there to be learned. I want you to keep in mind that each of has our own trials and crisis's that we have bear it is how we rise up and deal with each of them that defines us and gives us the strength for the next one that is coming. Just like land storms come and go, they rage and blow, cause damage, but they always move on they never last forever. Problems are the same way. Remember that no problems is ever as permanent as the solution. How you look at the issue or situation also plays a major role in how long it will endure. I have told you over and over again that perception plays a vital part, and if we over analyze a situation too much we have a tendency to make it form a molehill into a mountain. Once it becomes a mountain, we fret and worry that there will be no way to surmount it. I am here to tell you that you can and will make it to the summit and down the other side. Keep on keeping on.
Have faith that when a storm of problems arise that there is something that you are supposed to be looking for a hidden lesson that you need to learn and grow from. This will keep you from dwelling on the actual event and keep your eyes looking forward, and your momentum will be steady. Before you know it you will have sailed right through to the other side of the issue and it has been resolved. I was talking to my best friend last night and was telling him this exact same thing. Nothing can hold us back if we just keep focus on the situations surroundings and deal with the issues as they arise. I call this plodding along, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will have made it through that issue or crisis and will be heading toward the next one. On Facebook I posted "It appears that I have entered the storm...Wonder what new direction God has planned for me now. A new adventure and journey lie beyond the storm. I can see a break in the clouds, ready boys weigh anchor, set sail and let's go...I am ready for this change." I am confident that I am going to get through this time. I can see a break in the clouds and I know that there is sun and warmth on the horizon.
As I have told you before we never know when trouble is going to pop up, we actually are given very little warning. The reason for this is that everything we have been through in the past is supposed to prepare us for what is coming next. Yet, there are times when something we have never experienced or encountered before creeps up on us and we are taken totally by surprise. We honestly have no idea how to approach or handle the situation. I believe this is the time when God will send us a person we need that will help us manage the problem. See I believe that every person that is brought into your life is there for a reason, some of the time we encounter someone who can teach us something that we don't know about ourselves or life. Other times there is someone that is brought into our lives because we are meant to teach them something. Whatever the case maybe keep your eyes and ears open, your help is already there and you just don't even know it yet. We are never thrown totally into a situation unprepared or where a way out hasn't been provided us. We just have to look around and change our perspective to see the answer and the solution or to find the one that was there to be our support through the problem.
Like I said everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are there for their allotted time before they move on. There is a third type of person that comes into our lives that may always be there. They are our confidants, our best friends, they can be our teacher sometimes, they can be our student sometimes as well, but they are always there as an ear to talk to a person to depend on and a shoulder to rest upon. These are the most precious of people in our lives and they form a very unique support network. They are going to be there with you through thick and thin and will always have your back. They are the ones you can trust and count on when everyone else has failed you. These are the ones that you must take care of and be sure that you nurture and tend to that friendship they are rare indeed.
As for my problems, they are minor, I know that I will make it through them with only a little of muss and fuss. I know that there has been some kind of mistake on the court's side in Atlanta and in the morning I will get it taken care of. As far as the job is concerned I will do whatever it is that I have to do to make it all work out. Nothing is impossible in this world if we only strive for perfection one day at a time. Keep that in mind and take it with you. You will see that what I am saying is the truth. But as I get ready to close this out I want to leave you with one thing more. I know I mentioned what seems like ages ago, but Salt n Pepa told us in a song, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve". With that I am going to say good night. Remember positive thoughts bring positive energy. Keep your chin up because this too shall pass! Like it always does and you are going to be that much stronger for it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Keep in mind that when I got a hold of the clerk of the court in Atlanta, I was told that I specifically had to pay the ticket before my court date or they would suspend my license. I explained that I didn't live there and that there was no way that I could appear in court and I was trying to get an extension, she told me that I needed to write a letter to the judge asking for a reset of the court date because I couldn't appear. Now, I am not sure what I am supposed to do at this point, because even if I left now I would be stretching my finances so thin that I probably would end up getting stranded up there again. I cannot afford to have that happen, the last time I went up there I got stranded and my health suffered and I ended up in the hospital 4 times total. Honestly, I can't and don't want to go through all of that again. Even though a part of me would like to go up there and try and find my friend Tony, but I don't even have a clue where to look for him at the moment and I am not sure he would even come back with me if I did find him.
Besides which I have an appointment with the doctors tomorrow to discuss the referrals I need to see the GI specialist and neurologist. It seems that I am having a residual problem with my left leg from the drain that they removed from my back a week ago, when they went in and drained the cyst that had formed. I knew that Saturday when he pulled the drain out that he had hurt the nerve. I was told that it would bother me for a short period of time, but the pain has gotten a lot worse today. I am thinking that it is because of the weather. See I have had problems all my life when the barometric pressure drops because I had a fractured skull when I was born. Then when I was going through chemotherapy in the 90's they infiltrated the vein and the tissue on my right arm got damaged. It would turn black when the storms would come and I would get terrible migraines. Today a storm rolled in and my leg started hurting and my arm was sore as well, and on top of that I had a terrible migraine that lasted the whole day.
I wasn't prepared for having all of the pain on top of all the drama that has ensued. I even went by work today to pick up the check that they owed me for the deposit I paid to stay in the hotel that my company manages. I didn't stay there at all because last Friday they told me that I would have to pay a $200.00 deposit and I didn't have the extra money to come up with that. That was drama filled as well because just earlier on Friday I was told that I wouldn't have to pay a deposit because I worked for the company. I guess they knew that they were going to fire me on Friday, because the deal was there would be no deposit as long as I worked for them. In hindsight I guess I should have figured it out, but I was so excited about finally finding a place of my own that I could afford, and a person who was willing to work with me and knows my situation.
I have come to expect that when good things happen in my life they are always tempered with bad things. See this past weekend was so filled with blessings and good things that I should have known that bad things were just around the corner. However, there is no warning when bad things are looming. The good thing is this we are promised that we will never be given more than we can bear, God knows what our limitations are and will ensure that we have the strength to endure. Remember that every time a problem or crisis hits us there is a lesson somewhere in there to be learned. I want you to keep in mind that each of has our own trials and crisis's that we have bear it is how we rise up and deal with each of them that defines us and gives us the strength for the next one that is coming. Just like land storms come and go, they rage and blow, cause damage, but they always move on they never last forever. Problems are the same way. Remember that no problems is ever as permanent as the solution. How you look at the issue or situation also plays a major role in how long it will endure. I have told you over and over again that perception plays a vital part, and if we over analyze a situation too much we have a tendency to make it form a molehill into a mountain. Once it becomes a mountain, we fret and worry that there will be no way to surmount it. I am here to tell you that you can and will make it to the summit and down the other side. Keep on keeping on.
Have faith that when a storm of problems arise that there is something that you are supposed to be looking for a hidden lesson that you need to learn and grow from. This will keep you from dwelling on the actual event and keep your eyes looking forward, and your momentum will be steady. Before you know it you will have sailed right through to the other side of the issue and it has been resolved. I was talking to my best friend last night and was telling him this exact same thing. Nothing can hold us back if we just keep focus on the situations surroundings and deal with the issues as they arise. I call this plodding along, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will have made it through that issue or crisis and will be heading toward the next one. On Facebook I posted "It appears that I have entered the storm...Wonder what new direction God has planned for me now. A new adventure and journey lie beyond the storm. I can see a break in the clouds, ready boys weigh anchor, set sail and let's go...I am ready for this change." I am confident that I am going to get through this time. I can see a break in the clouds and I know that there is sun and warmth on the horizon.
As I have told you before we never know when trouble is going to pop up, we actually are given very little warning. The reason for this is that everything we have been through in the past is supposed to prepare us for what is coming next. Yet, there are times when something we have never experienced or encountered before creeps up on us and we are taken totally by surprise. We honestly have no idea how to approach or handle the situation. I believe this is the time when God will send us a person we need that will help us manage the problem. See I believe that every person that is brought into your life is there for a reason, some of the time we encounter someone who can teach us something that we don't know about ourselves or life. Other times there is someone that is brought into our lives because we are meant to teach them something. Whatever the case maybe keep your eyes and ears open, your help is already there and you just don't even know it yet. We are never thrown totally into a situation unprepared or where a way out hasn't been provided us. We just have to look around and change our perspective to see the answer and the solution or to find the one that was there to be our support through the problem.
Like I said everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are there for their allotted time before they move on. There is a third type of person that comes into our lives that may always be there. They are our confidants, our best friends, they can be our teacher sometimes, they can be our student sometimes as well, but they are always there as an ear to talk to a person to depend on and a shoulder to rest upon. These are the most precious of people in our lives and they form a very unique support network. They are going to be there with you through thick and thin and will always have your back. They are the ones you can trust and count on when everyone else has failed you. These are the ones that you must take care of and be sure that you nurture and tend to that friendship they are rare indeed.
As for my problems, they are minor, I know that I will make it through them with only a little of muss and fuss. I know that there has been some kind of mistake on the court's side in Atlanta and in the morning I will get it taken care of. As far as the job is concerned I will do whatever it is that I have to do to make it all work out. Nothing is impossible in this world if we only strive for perfection one day at a time. Keep that in mind and take it with you. You will see that what I am saying is the truth. But as I get ready to close this out I want to leave you with one thing more. I know I mentioned what seems like ages ago, but Salt n Pepa told us in a song, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve". With that I am going to say good night. Remember positive thoughts bring positive energy. Keep your chin up because this too shall pass! Like it always does and you are going to be that much stronger for it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, September 16, 2012
People are who they have always been!
I learned something valuable during my misadventures, I learned that people are not who they are during your last conversation with them, they are who they have always been throughout your entire relationship. Things don't change just because of the heat of the moment. They don't change because someone is angry, or sad, desperate or alone. The person who you are talking to at that moment is the product of the emotions and situation that they find themselves in. What remains at the end of the day is who they have always been. You will find that anyone can say anything in the heat of the moment. They say things to hurt when they are hurt, they encourage when they see inspiration, and they are supportive when they feel supported.
The person you know is the same person, take them at their word, believe them at the moment, because what they are feeling is true for them. However, you must remember that after the moment passes, the anger has flared and the temper has died down, they are going to be the same consistent person they have always been. There will be posturing and apologies on both parts, but in the end their strength of character will shine through. Trust me when I tell you that the person you have always known, the person who has demonstrated time and again their unfailing and unflagging self, is going to return. They are going to be consistent with whom they have always been.
It is my belief that people are essentially good and that circumstances and situations make them act in certain ways, sometimes there are external influences that might trigger a sort of behavior that is uncharacteristic with their altruistic nature. One such influence is drugs, but as I said earlier when all is said and done you will see that the person you know and trust is still there behind the mask of anger and drug induced haze. My friends in Atlanta reacted to my situation with sympathy and compassion in almost all cases, except for the one person who thought that I was so much more than what they were seeing. It is true that I am a person of integrity and self-confidence, however, even the most dire circumstances are enough to make one question their beliefs and integrity.
I am guilty of feeling sorry for myself and indulging in a serious case of self pity. However, I do realize that the battle that was going on inside of my mind was evident to all those around me, and when my doubts surfaced, I realized that I had shown my own weakness. In the long run it was their faith in me and the strength they lent me that made it possible for me to carry on. The last words that were spoken between me and my friend Tony were less than pleasant and that I took them seriously too heart at the moment they were spoken. I have since re-evaluated my situation and the words that were spoken, I have come to realize that I shouldn't have put so much stock into what was said as I should have the person who was speaking them. I now know the difference and I know that he was hurting as much as I was at the moment the words were said. I do know that Tony is the same person today, as He was the day I met him and will continue to be the same person, that the words that were spoken have different meaning to me today, as they did that day I left.
So don't judge too harshly what was spoken to you, remember who has said them, remember who they have been throughout your whole relationship and you will see the person that has always been there. I hope you understand what this simple lesson has taught me and what I have learned. Trust your friends and they will be there for you when you need them.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
The person you know is the same person, take them at their word, believe them at the moment, because what they are feeling is true for them. However, you must remember that after the moment passes, the anger has flared and the temper has died down, they are going to be the same consistent person they have always been. There will be posturing and apologies on both parts, but in the end their strength of character will shine through. Trust me when I tell you that the person you have always known, the person who has demonstrated time and again their unfailing and unflagging self, is going to return. They are going to be consistent with whom they have always been.
It is my belief that people are essentially good and that circumstances and situations make them act in certain ways, sometimes there are external influences that might trigger a sort of behavior that is uncharacteristic with their altruistic nature. One such influence is drugs, but as I said earlier when all is said and done you will see that the person you know and trust is still there behind the mask of anger and drug induced haze. My friends in Atlanta reacted to my situation with sympathy and compassion in almost all cases, except for the one person who thought that I was so much more than what they were seeing. It is true that I am a person of integrity and self-confidence, however, even the most dire circumstances are enough to make one question their beliefs and integrity.
I am guilty of feeling sorry for myself and indulging in a serious case of self pity. However, I do realize that the battle that was going on inside of my mind was evident to all those around me, and when my doubts surfaced, I realized that I had shown my own weakness. In the long run it was their faith in me and the strength they lent me that made it possible for me to carry on. The last words that were spoken between me and my friend Tony were less than pleasant and that I took them seriously too heart at the moment they were spoken. I have since re-evaluated my situation and the words that were spoken, I have come to realize that I shouldn't have put so much stock into what was said as I should have the person who was speaking them. I now know the difference and I know that he was hurting as much as I was at the moment the words were said. I do know that Tony is the same person today, as He was the day I met him and will continue to be the same person, that the words that were spoken have different meaning to me today, as they did that day I left.
So don't judge too harshly what was spoken to you, remember who has said them, remember who they have been throughout your whole relationship and you will see the person that has always been there. I hope you understand what this simple lesson has taught me and what I have learned. Trust your friends and they will be there for you when you need them.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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