They keep telling me that life is what you make of it. I have yet again taken a wrong turn and before I realized it I was back to where I started.
It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you. You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago. There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.
Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days. This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.
I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time. Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun. Why put me through Atlanta all over again? Why do what he did?
I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away. However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account. All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'
I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money. But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there. It was a set up from the get go.
Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.
I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me. But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly. Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe. You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed. I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.
You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing. Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account. I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have bought more stuff and saved some money. But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00. That come on you know I got you. I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright. Guess what it isn't alright.
A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved. Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.
What I find even more funny is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend. You gave everyone more than me. I didn't say anything it was just drugs. But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff, which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.
But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house. I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.
Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on the phone, I would have been happy.
But I have to give credit where credit is due. My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure the the bills were paid first they were priority. Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed. He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in. Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,