I was thinking a lot about things that have been going on in my life over the past several months, and I realized something really important. See back in August I was in so much pain in my back and I didn't have a clue what was going on with me. I had been to the emergency room 19 times and all they ever kept telling me was that I had a back strain. But, the pain started out as a small pain between my shoulder blades, I thought that maybe I was just extremely tired or since I had just bought the stick shift car maybe it was from all the shifting I had been doing.
I really didn't have too much time to dwell on the pain, because during this same time period, Alicia, Lonnie, Kim, and others kept making random appearances at my apartment and so many things were going to hell in a hand basket and I just couldn't get the situation under control. It was during this time that I ended up getting arrested 3 times in just a months period. I was also told by my landlord that I had to move at the beginning of July. I was running out of time and with my back hurting so badly, I couldn't do much. For the first 2 weeks, I ended up laying around in bed, and as time started closing in on me. I began to worry so much that I became afraid. My whole world was crashing down around my ears. Because of the friends of Kim I ended up being robbed and lost everything important I owned.
Because of my back pain, and the constant visits to the emergency room. My dad and step mother allowed me to come back to live at their house. I was only there about 2 weeks when I had an MRI which was the very beginning of a long and painful journey. The morning of the MRI it took me almost 30 minutes to get out of bed. When I finally got out to the living room, my father noticed that something was wrong and asked what the matter was. I told him that my back hurt so bad that I wasn't sure I could drive to the appointment. When I got to the imaging center it was all I could do to get in the door and walk up to the desk. The receptionist noticed how I was walking and rushed to get me a wheel chair. I even ran into two close friends while I was there and was in so much pain that I couldn't really even talk to them to let them know what was going on.
Time clicked by so slowly, and my mind was running through all these different scenarios. I was worrying and worrying the longer it took the more heavy the weight on my shoulders became. Long story short I was wheeled into the MRI room, the tech put me on the table, the machine was made only one pass when the tech came back and helped me up saying that the radiologist needed to talk to me. I was wheeled in to the guys office and he promptly asked me how I got to the imaging center. I told him that I drove, and he asked me if there was someone that could come and pick up my car and get me to the hospital ASAP. The image that he showed me had an infection centered in the thoracic spine, it appeared to be through the center of my spine and right into my spinal column. I was told that the infection was so severe and was strangling my spinal cord and that if I didn't get treated immediately I could become paralyzed for life.
I stayed in the hospital for 14 days, and given IV antibiotics, it is here where I learned that I needed to be a warrior and not a worrier. See I was freaked out because once I got to the hospital, my legs gave out and I had to have my dad get a wheel chair and for the next 2 months, I couldn't get them to move at all. The antibiotics worked slowly and because of that I ended up having to go to a nursing/rehab facility for continued IV treatments. I was admitted at night to the facility and by the time I got settled in it was after midnight. So I didn't get to meet anyone at that time. But at 8 am the next morning I was assaulted by a myriad of people, nurses, doctors, cna's, administrators, therapists. All the information overloaded my mind but the one thing that struck home and hit me squarely between the eyes was what the physical therapist said. She told me that she was sorry but I was never going to walk again. Now, as you can imagine this was my fear from the beginning.
That night as I lay in my bed and continued worrying. I decided to pray instead of letting my mind run away with me. The head can only take so much information and process it, the shoulders can only stand so much weight before you feel like the world was resting on them. The weight was overwhelming I felt like nothing was ever going to be the same, that I was stuck and I would never be able to move again, both figuratively and literally. So I did the only thing I knew what to do, I turned to God in prayer. I prayed continuously through the night, and when the sun broached the horizon and sunrise started. A peace descended upon me, it was like something I never felt before, and I had the calm assurance that if I did all I could on my own, I would be rewarded and I would get my legs back. So when therapy came in to start my rehab, I diligently did as I was told. Then that afternoon I started going back to the gym, this was a routine that I established. I would drag myself up on the balance bars, and I would shuffle along. I literally taught myself to walk again. I prayed diligently and had the calm reassurance that I was going to be healed.
It took me 3 weeks to start walking with a 2 wheeled walker and 3 to 4 weeks later I had graduated to the 4 wheeled walker. and just 2 weeks after that I graduated to a cane. I used that for 2 weeks before I had a fall in the parking lot and they put me back to the 4 wheel walker. But when I was finally released from the home 18 weeks later. I went home using only the cane. I continued to pray and do the exercises that I was taught in the home. I am now off of any type of walking assistance, and I have stopped taking the pain medication. I do go back there to visit my friends and staff members that work at the home every Sunday. this past Sunday my friend Jonathan and I went back to the home and every one there was amazed at the progress I have made. My back is straight, and my posture is good, and they keep telling me that I am looking so good. I am pleased and excited by the progress I have made, but I am not surprised because I knew in my heart all those months ago that I was going to be healed and I was.
See, don't let your worry over life add weight to your shoulders, because if you keep worrying the weight will pile up and before you know it you won't be able to move. See worrying is never an answer, it will lock you into place. You can't get past it and it weighs you down and make it hard to think.
What am I trying to tell you? I am telling you that if you go from worrier to warrior your life is going to be so much better. You will also find that by leaving your problems and concerns at the feet of Jesus you are no longer weighed down by all those heavy thoughts and worries.
Practice praying daily, give all your concerns, problems and desires over to the Lord and you will begin to experience a brighter countenance and life seems to be easier to get through. I challenge you to stop being a worrier and become a pray warrior and you will see changes in your life and miracles all around you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,