The weight on my chest

They keep telling me that life is what you make of it.  I have yet again taken a wrong turn and before I realized it I was back to where I started.

It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you.  You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago.  There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.

Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days.  This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.

I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time.  Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun.  Why put me through Atlanta all over again?  Why do what he did?

I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away.  However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account.  All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'

I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money.  But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there.  It was a set up from the get go.

Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.

I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me.  But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly.  Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe.  You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed.  I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.

You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing.  Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account.  I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have  bought more stuff and saved some money.  But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00.  That come on you know I got you.  I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright.  Guess what it isn't alright.

A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved.  Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.

What I find even more funny  is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend.  You gave everyone more than me.  I didn't say anything it was just drugs.  But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff,  which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.

But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house.  I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.

Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on  the phone, I would have been happy.

How disappointing!

But I have to give credit where credit is due.  My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure  the the bills were paid first they were priority.  Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed.  He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in.  Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Misadventures in Paradise

Well for those of you who aren't aware of current events in my life, I am finally back in Florida, where I should have never left in the first place.  I went to meet Kerry in Atlanta that turned into the biggest fiasco the world has ever known.  Anyhow, I went up there ended up getting jumped by 3 people that got my money, my ID, and almost lost my car.  It was the most terrifying experience of my life and I never felt so alone.  I did however make a remarkable discovery about myself and the people I counted as my friends.  When push came to shove people only care about themselves and what they can get out of you.

If it wasn't for a special person named Tony Aliguan who actually took the time to look after me and made sure that I was safe.  He risked his life and well-being to make sure that I was taken care of. I owe him my life many times over, he made sure that I went to the hospital when it looked pretty scary for me. I had become severely dehydrated, my kidney's failed and I was running on empty.  Tony made sure that I was fed, clothed and was safe.  I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I cannot tell you how lucky I was to have Tony by my side helping through this ordeal.

I do know that I don't plan on going back to Atlanta, and if I do, it will be under totally different circumstances.  See I went as a surprise, I didn't tell a lot of people my plans, so when tragedy struck and I lost everything I didn't know who to turn too, I had no numbers and I was trapped.  Finally, a break came when I went to the Buckhead Christian Ministries and they allowed me the use of the computer. I was then able to access my gmail account and my telephone numbers. I got a hold of my dad and he was able to wire me money to make it home.  I had already spent the night in the hospital and knew that I was seriously sick, so the best thing for me to do was get in my car as soon as I got the money and head home.  Which is what I did. Unfortunately, when I left, I didn't do it gracefully or with tact! I was in a hurry, I didn't take the time to express my thanks to Tony or any of the few others that had helped me out while I was stuck on the streets of Atlanta for 8 days. So here is my opportunity to express how I felt and my feelings toward that situation.

I want to Thank the following people for sticking by me through everything, for taking my calls and listening to my whining and nagging. My bitching and belly-aching. I want to thank Gerard Alexander for sleeping in my car with me and making sure that I was safe my entire stay, Tony, thank you for keeping your promise and making sure that I was fed, taken care of and safe the entire time. Merger, for being there and talking to me when I was desperate and alone with no one to turn too.  To Scotty for offering to loan me the money to make the trip home and making sure that I was well taken care of by Tony and Gerard, for checking in with me every couple of days to make sure I was eating and well rested. If it wasn't for all of you pulling together and taking care of me I would have died on that lonely street.

For those of you who took advantage of my situation, pushed me down and tried to hold me down, I feel sorry for you because I will tell you what Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around.  For those of you who stole my money and my cell phone, I know who you are and believe me I will be coming back at you when you least expect it. Beware the wrath of a queen scorned.  I am not a vindictive person but I do get back at those that hurt me on purpose.  For those of you who were there and turned your back on me, I don't count you as my friends anymore, and you know who you are.  You are the ones who got all the voice mails and messages from me but couldn't be bothered to answer the phone or even offer me a word of advice.

Thanks to the Buckhead Christian Ministries for the fabulous work that you are doing for the homeless and destitute people of Atlanta, you are a beacon of light in a darkness that could have swallowed a person whole and left them to die.  I appreciate the food, the clothing and the supportive talks that you gave me when I needed the faith and encouragement to keep on going.

As for my adventures, I can honestly say, that I steered myself clear of the drugs, the misdirection that was thrown in my path.  I tried very hard to keep my dignity and head held high. I know that I failed at times, and that I complained about how I felt awful the entire time I was there. I know it seemed like I was whining and doing nothing about my situation, however, believe it or not, I was fighting my own internal battle.  I won, I triumphed and I made it home alive.  Now, as I have said I couldn't have done any of this without the support of my true friends.  Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me for all of you.  I will make it up to you all some how for the sacrifices that you made on my behalf. I love you all and I know we will see each other again soon.

Advice, I would like to give, when you find yourself in a situation and are helpless, try not to cling to those that are helping you.  It adds weight and a burden on them that they don't necessarily deserve. I only saw this after the fact and I am so sorry for the lack of grace and dignity in which I left the situation.  I owe you all so much and I am thankful that you were there when I needed you the most.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B