Despite my many health issues and set backs on this very rough journey I call my life, I am surprised and amazed at reaching my 50 year mark. I have come through some really difficult spots in the road, but I made it through relatively unscathed. My personality and body have battle scars and show definite signs of wear and tear but all in all I am still going strong after all this time. In this blog we have covered many of the battles I have faced and overcome, and many people get the wrong idea that I am a super strong person. They think that I have gotten life and all it's mysteries figured out and they would be so wrong. I am an everyday person who wakes up and faces demons both inside and out of my body. I have a mental addiction to narcotics, and I suffer from severe depression and anxiety to mention just a few of them.
I am also plagued with self-doubt and self-worth issues, and I deem myself unworthy of finding and keeping love. I repeat my own follies and don't seem to learn from my own mistakes, but I have learned that I have the gift of helping people and that by sharing my experiences in this journal of sorts many lives have been touched. I see comments on Facebook and Google + that people leave me regarding what I write and it encourages me to express myself more.
I have just come through a health crisis that has left my body weak and tired. I have found myself lying bed and sleeping most days away. The doctor's tell me that my body is on the mend and that I should be getting my strength back and the sleepiness that I am feeling should fall away from me soon. I hope this is true and that this really isn't a side affect of bout of depression which is keeping me locked down inside myself. I find that when I write in my blog and I purge my soul to you my readers I sometimes feel better about my situation and I find the needed strength to carry on my daily activities and I can cope so much better with the stress and depression I have been feeling.
So here I sit at my laptop and I am pouring out my heart to you once again, even though I just wrote in you just yesterday. But, I couldn't seem to drag myself out of bed today and literally slept till 5pm this evening. I did get up to go to the restroom several times throughout the day but I couldn't bring myself to crawl out of my room or leave my bed for more than 5 minutes at a time. This is not my typical behavior and I am wondering if there isn't something more wrong with me that the doctors haven't figure out yet. For almost 6 weeks I suffered from internal bleeding and on Thursday of this past week I had an endoscopy where the doctor went in cauterized the ulcer that he found bleeding and took some biopsies and sent me home. I was told that I would feel sluggish for a little while, but this hit me 2 days after I had the minor surgery. The at home nurse from Humana suggested that I may be suffering low blood counts with my hemoglobin so low from the blood loss that might be the reason why I am tired all the time. I honestly don't know what my reasons are for feeling like this and I need to look at my schedule closely for the coming week to make sure that I don't miss any of my follow-up appointments because I am hoping to get back on the road to health and start doing stuff for myself and others again.
See, as I look back at what I have been through and all that I have accomplished during the past 25 years I am impressed with the amount of time, energy and emotion I have spent on taking care of others and how selflessly I have given of myself to making sure that my friends and family and extended family were well taken care of. But, this year I have learned that I can't always take care of others for numerous reasons and that I have to be content and happy with whatever level others allow me to participate in their lives. The first lesson is that you can't help everyone, and Second you can only help them if they want your help, otherwise you are meddling in things you shouldn't stick your nose into. Third lesson that I learned is that I can't take care of anyone if I can't take care of myself. Fourth and probably the most important lesson is that it is okay to focus on myself and say NO when I have too. Which, brings me to the fifth and final lesson I cannot continue to give myself, my money, my energy, my love, and my all to everyone that asks for it. I have to be selective and make sure that I am getting back from these individuals what I need to maintain my safety and security and health. Because No one is going to look out for me but myself.
2018 was a growing and learning year for me and I have had to experience more issues and problems so I could learn these valuable lessons. Which are lessons I should have learned a long time ago, but had been so busy trying to help others, and keep my mind occupied with their issues that I didn't have time to focus on myself or my own personal needs. But I was forced this year to take a long hard look at myself and I discovered that by wrapping myself so completely with other peoples issues I was neglecting myself and my own problems and that brought me some serious health issues that I had to deal with over the summer like constant kidney failure, heart issues and long extended stays in the hospital. I spent more time in 2018 in the hospital than I did in 2017 and almost as much as I did back in 2014 when I had my aneurysm and had to have my gallbladder removed and part of my stomach, then spent all of the fall that year in the hospital and rehab center because of osteomyelitis of the spine.
I have grown and learned a lot about human nature, the people I once considered friends, and about myself in 2018 and I am carrying that forward with me into my 50th year of life and 2019. I have learned that many people have hidden agendas that we are never made aware of and they have ulterior motivations for everything they do. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I am not like them, I am what you see is what you get kind of guy, and if I make you a promise I strive my hardest to make sure I make it happen.
Medical science is still in it's infancy and still cannot predict with any certain accuracy when and if the human body is going to expire. For years they have been telling me that I am not going to make it and every year there is something new that crops up in my life that has the doctors trying to tell me that I am not going to live to see my next birthday, and every year I find a way to make their predictions wrong. One day I might not be able to succeed but not today! My body with the help of the medication that I take daily has controlled the advancement of the diseases that I have been infected with and I am maintaining a sense of health that many of the medical professionals I see are baffled. They can't figure it out and how I can keep going with so many issues wrong with me.
To me it's a no brainer, it isn't my time yet, and God isn't ready to call me home that there is some work left unfinished that I have to complete before my time on this earth is done. Plus, I haven't figure out how not to get up every morning and live. I feel like I need to wake up daily and at least attempt to accomplish something. Like today I feel that I needed to at least write in my blog to make some sort of achievement for today. Yesterday, I accomplished a lot and I have so much stuff coming at me next week that I am going to be going non-stop. I have back to back doctors appointment starting at 8am on Monday and going all the way till Friday with a rest of going to Court on Wednesday for my partner but again that is an early morning as well.
This year isn't going to be typical for me. Ever since I lost all my relatives at Christmas the holidays haven't been special to me or held any special place in my heart. Dominic and I have not spent a single Christmas together in 5 years until this year. I don't really like to decorate or get presents or do the festive holiday themed things that everyone seems to get trapped by. To me it is just another day of the year. So far this year is turning out the same way and I am hoping that something will change this week that will make the difference for me and bring me back to the Holiday festivities and celebration. But I am not really holding my breathe and counting on it. But I am striving towards that as I write this entry.
But here I am with 7 terminal illnesses, I am now 50 years old and I am still going strong. I am still looking out for my partner and friends and I am still taking care of myself. But I am now also following the lessons that I gleaned this year! That is the most important thing that I have found that I need to focus on myself first and take care of everything else after I have done that.
I promise you that if you take the advice given in this entry you will have a more happy and fulfilling 2019. Look forward to pampering and taking care of yourself first. Let those that depend on you take a back seat for once to your own needs. This is not selfish behavior it is truly human nature. Like me you have fallen into the trap of co-dependency and you let other take advantage of you and use your kindness for weakness and your big heart has become a target for abuse and misuse. Take back your power and live. Please don't wait till you are 50 to learn the life lessons I have just now learned. Something I should have known and exercised years ago. Take care of yourself, Love yourself and then look at those around you and see who really is worthy to receive your love and energy, you might find like I did that none of them are worth it and have to move on. If that becomes the case then so be it. AS Long as you are Happy nothing else matters.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label hardship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hardship. Show all posts
Saturday, December 15, 2018
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Misadventures in Paradise
Well for those of you who aren't aware of current events in my life, I am finally back in Florida, where I should have never left in the first place. I went to meet Kerry in Atlanta that turned into the biggest fiasco the world has ever known. Anyhow, I went up there ended up getting jumped by 3 people that got my money, my ID, and almost lost my car. It was the most terrifying experience of my life and I never felt so alone. I did however make a remarkable discovery about myself and the people I counted as my friends. When push came to shove people only care about themselves and what they can get out of you.
If it wasn't for a special person named Tony Aliguan who actually took the time to look after me and made sure that I was safe. He risked his life and well-being to make sure that I was taken care of. I owe him my life many times over, he made sure that I went to the hospital when it looked pretty scary for me. I had become severely dehydrated, my kidney's failed and I was running on empty. Tony made sure that I was fed, clothed and was safe. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot tell you how lucky I was to have Tony by my side helping through this ordeal.
I do know that I don't plan on going back to Atlanta, and if I do, it will be under totally different circumstances. See I went as a surprise, I didn't tell a lot of people my plans, so when tragedy struck and I lost everything I didn't know who to turn too, I had no numbers and I was trapped. Finally, a break came when I went to the Buckhead Christian Ministries and they allowed me the use of the computer. I was then able to access my gmail account and my telephone numbers. I got a hold of my dad and he was able to wire me money to make it home. I had already spent the night in the hospital and knew that I was seriously sick, so the best thing for me to do was get in my car as soon as I got the money and head home. Which is what I did. Unfortunately, when I left, I didn't do it gracefully or with tact! I was in a hurry, I didn't take the time to express my thanks to Tony or any of the few others that had helped me out while I was stuck on the streets of Atlanta for 8 days. So here is my opportunity to express how I felt and my feelings toward that situation.
I want to Thank the following people for sticking by me through everything, for taking my calls and listening to my whining and nagging. My bitching and belly-aching. I want to thank Gerard Alexander for sleeping in my car with me and making sure that I was safe my entire stay, Tony, thank you for keeping your promise and making sure that I was fed, taken care of and safe the entire time. Merger, for being there and talking to me when I was desperate and alone with no one to turn too. To Scotty for offering to loan me the money to make the trip home and making sure that I was well taken care of by Tony and Gerard, for checking in with me every couple of days to make sure I was eating and well rested. If it wasn't for all of you pulling together and taking care of me I would have died on that lonely street.
For those of you who took advantage of my situation, pushed me down and tried to hold me down, I feel sorry for you because I will tell you what Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around. For those of you who stole my money and my cell phone, I know who you are and believe me I will be coming back at you when you least expect it. Beware the wrath of a queen scorned. I am not a vindictive person but I do get back at those that hurt me on purpose. For those of you who were there and turned your back on me, I don't count you as my friends anymore, and you know who you are. You are the ones who got all the voice mails and messages from me but couldn't be bothered to answer the phone or even offer me a word of advice.
Thanks to the Buckhead Christian Ministries for the fabulous work that you are doing for the homeless and destitute people of Atlanta, you are a beacon of light in a darkness that could have swallowed a person whole and left them to die. I appreciate the food, the clothing and the supportive talks that you gave me when I needed the faith and encouragement to keep on going.
As for my adventures, I can honestly say, that I steered myself clear of the drugs, the misdirection that was thrown in my path. I tried very hard to keep my dignity and head held high. I know that I failed at times, and that I complained about how I felt awful the entire time I was there. I know it seemed like I was whining and doing nothing about my situation, however, believe it or not, I was fighting my own internal battle. I won, I triumphed and I made it home alive. Now, as I have said I couldn't have done any of this without the support of my true friends. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me for all of you. I will make it up to you all some how for the sacrifices that you made on my behalf. I love you all and I know we will see each other again soon.
Advice, I would like to give, when you find yourself in a situation and are helpless, try not to cling to those that are helping you. It adds weight and a burden on them that they don't necessarily deserve. I only saw this after the fact and I am so sorry for the lack of grace and dignity in which I left the situation. I owe you all so much and I am thankful that you were there when I needed you the most.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
If it wasn't for a special person named Tony Aliguan who actually took the time to look after me and made sure that I was safe. He risked his life and well-being to make sure that I was taken care of. I owe him my life many times over, he made sure that I went to the hospital when it looked pretty scary for me. I had become severely dehydrated, my kidney's failed and I was running on empty. Tony made sure that I was fed, clothed and was safe. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot tell you how lucky I was to have Tony by my side helping through this ordeal.
I do know that I don't plan on going back to Atlanta, and if I do, it will be under totally different circumstances. See I went as a surprise, I didn't tell a lot of people my plans, so when tragedy struck and I lost everything I didn't know who to turn too, I had no numbers and I was trapped. Finally, a break came when I went to the Buckhead Christian Ministries and they allowed me the use of the computer. I was then able to access my gmail account and my telephone numbers. I got a hold of my dad and he was able to wire me money to make it home. I had already spent the night in the hospital and knew that I was seriously sick, so the best thing for me to do was get in my car as soon as I got the money and head home. Which is what I did. Unfortunately, when I left, I didn't do it gracefully or with tact! I was in a hurry, I didn't take the time to express my thanks to Tony or any of the few others that had helped me out while I was stuck on the streets of Atlanta for 8 days. So here is my opportunity to express how I felt and my feelings toward that situation.
I want to Thank the following people for sticking by me through everything, for taking my calls and listening to my whining and nagging. My bitching and belly-aching. I want to thank Gerard Alexander for sleeping in my car with me and making sure that I was safe my entire stay, Tony, thank you for keeping your promise and making sure that I was fed, taken care of and safe the entire time. Merger, for being there and talking to me when I was desperate and alone with no one to turn too. To Scotty for offering to loan me the money to make the trip home and making sure that I was well taken care of by Tony and Gerard, for checking in with me every couple of days to make sure I was eating and well rested. If it wasn't for all of you pulling together and taking care of me I would have died on that lonely street.
For those of you who took advantage of my situation, pushed me down and tried to hold me down, I feel sorry for you because I will tell you what Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around. For those of you who stole my money and my cell phone, I know who you are and believe me I will be coming back at you when you least expect it. Beware the wrath of a queen scorned. I am not a vindictive person but I do get back at those that hurt me on purpose. For those of you who were there and turned your back on me, I don't count you as my friends anymore, and you know who you are. You are the ones who got all the voice mails and messages from me but couldn't be bothered to answer the phone or even offer me a word of advice.
Thanks to the Buckhead Christian Ministries for the fabulous work that you are doing for the homeless and destitute people of Atlanta, you are a beacon of light in a darkness that could have swallowed a person whole and left them to die. I appreciate the food, the clothing and the supportive talks that you gave me when I needed the faith and encouragement to keep on going.
As for my adventures, I can honestly say, that I steered myself clear of the drugs, the misdirection that was thrown in my path. I tried very hard to keep my dignity and head held high. I know that I failed at times, and that I complained about how I felt awful the entire time I was there. I know it seemed like I was whining and doing nothing about my situation, however, believe it or not, I was fighting my own internal battle. I won, I triumphed and I made it home alive. Now, as I have said I couldn't have done any of this without the support of my true friends. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me for all of you. I will make it up to you all some how for the sacrifices that you made on my behalf. I love you all and I know we will see each other again soon.
Advice, I would like to give, when you find yourself in a situation and are helpless, try not to cling to those that are helping you. It adds weight and a burden on them that they don't necessarily deserve. I only saw this after the fact and I am so sorry for the lack of grace and dignity in which I left the situation. I owe you all so much and I am thankful that you were there when I needed you the most.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Friday, August 24, 2012
You just don't know, Do You?
You never know who you are going to meet when you wake up in the morning, nor do you know who might be watching you. I had a very fun and exciting experience this morning after my meeting with the Chair of the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau. But before I get into my experience I will fill you in a little bit about what was discussed at my meeting which led me to today's story. Jeff and I had a meeting scheduled for 9:30 this morning to discuss our upcoming World's AIDS Day event and we each shared our vision of the performance that our group is wanting to perform to bring a greater awareness and understanding of the fears, stigmas, guilt and drama that is associated with having HIV/AIDS. This meeting was highly beneficial and our ideas were well meshed and in-sync with one another, and since I volunteered to outline the script and write it, we decided that I should run with the ball. So after this meeting I had a few errands to run before I headed home. Interestingly my car drove me right to the Ormond Beach Public Library so taking that as I sign I headed on in to the reference and information desk to find out where I could locate a book on plays and screenwriting. Since I have written things before, but never written a whole play on my own I thought it wouldn't hurt to have some references to look at while I am working on this project.
I wish I would have gotten the woman's name that helped me because my experience was of such delight and inspiration I am extremely thankful I ended up there. She took me right to the section that I needed and she asked me what I was writing about. An open door is all I need to go into who I am and the organization I represent, so I told her everything, then I also told her that I do work with cancer patients, survivors and their families. This is when she opened up to me and we talked about her mother and her mother's battle with breast cancer. We laughed and joked and it was an extremely meaningful interaction. Before I left she asked me for a card, which unfortunately I don't have at this time, but I will have some printed up soon. I am getting so many requests for one, I just need to have some in my wallet at all times. So what I did was follow her over to the information desk and I wrote out my information and while I was doing that she mentioned that she had a friend who was working so much, and didn't know anyone, and that he had no social life to speak of. Now, she told me he wasn't HIV Positive, which really wouldn't have mattered to me either way, but she also told me that he was dealing with the loss of his partner and needed to meet some friends. Well of course you know me I can't help myself when I learn of someone in need so I made sure I gave my email address, cell phone number, blog and told her to tell her friend to call me. I also told her about my friend who has been battling for his own life in a different manner, but how excited I was that he has agreed to come to Ormond to help me look for an apartment. I told her that I think it would be wonderful to meet her friend and guess what my friend and her friend have something extraordinary in common, both are song writers, musicians and performers.
What an amazing turn of events, how fortunate was I to run into her, that her and I would have a similar story. You never know who you might meet, where that chance meeting might take you. How by being open and receptive that encounter can impact other people's lives and change the direction and energy around them. My eyes were opened to this kind woman and her friend and it touched me and struck a cord in life on a very personal level. As much as I am dying to tell you all about my friend I made a promise that I intend to keep, so all I can tell you is that over the past year my life has been in turmoil. When we parted ways last August, I didn't know when or if I was ever going to see him again. I didn't know if we were still together or what the deal was. I had met someone in October but things didn't last, and when I got to Florida I thought that person might choose to come down here and be with me. However, with his situation as it was he couldn't or wouldn't whatever the case maybe. But, Facebook reconnected me with the one who left me last August in March after my big surgery and where I died on the table twice. So it was a big deal for me. I am rehashing all of this out so you can understand the immediate connection I felt with this lady and her friend. Once me and my partner reconnected via Facebook it would still be several months of talking and emailing and cellphone calls, etc. before we even broached the idea of our parting, and what it meant. I had no idea that he had a seizure and was in the hospital and that is what caused him to disappear, that he was scared and his family was across the country from where we were at, and he couldn't get a hold of me to let me know what was going on so he went home. Let me tell you that when he found out that I was sick and dying and scared he was there, he wanted to drop everything for me but due to his own physical limitations that was impossible right then. But we talked and decided that we had never broken up, that we still love each other and that despite the distance, and the illness we are going to make our relationship work.
As I am talking to this woman and hearing about her friend and his need to meet other people like himself that it struck me, with her friends recent loss and both me and my partner almost loosing one another because we both almost died that there was a definite connection there. Then after hearing how her friend was a songwriter, singer, musician and dancer and had just worked hard to open a dance studio, how there was another connection with my partner and me. I don't believe in random chance, I believe as you all know too well that people are put into our life for reasons we may never understand. But, we do realize that there is a need on everyone's part that can and will be fulfilled through that meeting. I learned years ago that you cannot go through life being shy and introverted. If you live in a shell you are going to miss out on the fun and excitement that this roller coaster called life has to offer. When I was young my parents moved me around a lot. Every two years I was starting a new school and having to make new friends. I really didn't like it and when they finally settled on the Orlando, FL area, I thought it was going to be just like every other time, so I stayed in my books and hid in my room. I didn't want to put myself out there in anyway, I did make 2 friends that were my neighbors, but that was it. On the first day of school I got on the bus, I was in the 8th grade and was assigned a seat next to this boy who would become a huge influence and impact on my life. His name was John Hope and from what I hear he is a stand up comic today. Which I can't say surprises me at all because he was such a great guy and a good friend. It was John Hope that got me out of my shell, taught me how to laugh, encouraged me to let my personality fly, to become outgoing and meet as many people as I could.
Here is a little insight about dear old Uncle B, I was a late bloomer, I had terrible hair, wore huge bulky glasses, but I was smart, funny, out going, and socially into everything and there was no one I didn't like or count as a friend. Oh I got my share of picking on, but something strange happened, even those detractors the ones who picked on me, I eventually won them over and made them my friends. I excelled in my studies, but also in my outgoing lifestyle. Which in tenth grade I would figure out that I was attracted to boy's and girls. Sorry Stacey I never told you. Maybe it was good that we broke up before prom our Junior year. Here, is the other thing, I didn't know which way my life was going to go. If you want to know more you can read my blog entry about the "Defining moment of my life" and you can find out a little bit more about my first male lover, David Hodge. Life would never be the same for me and I can tell you that by the time I graduated high school, I knew every single member of my graduation class, and I was friends with every single one of them. The popular guys, girls, cheerleaders, jocks, the nerds, preppy kids, you name it I knew them all. I was not in their groups per-se but I was a part of them. I was the social butterfly, a networker, which I have used successfully throughout the rest of my life. It worked when I was in the Navy, when I was in government work and even now in my advocate and activism work.
The moral of this long winded tale is this. I am looking forward to meeting Caleb, getting to know him and adding him to my ever growing list of long term, life long friends. Because folks I am a testament that the friendships you make can last a lifetime. Check out my Facebook and see how many people I have known for over 20 years. You never know who your life is going to intersect with, how your life and story might connect you with others in similar situations as you, who you can grow and learn from. We each need help sometimes to overcome the challenges life throws our way, and how our seeming chance encounters can change the course of not only your own life but all those that are around you and a part of you.
Remember everyone has a story, everyone likes to have someone else pay attention to them, likes to talk about their story and have a receptive person listen, empathize and even comprehend the depth of their pain and rejoice in their triumph. Never be too busy to give someone a few minutes of your time. Listen with open heart and an open mind, be receptive to their needs, understanding, sympathetic, and willing to talk about yourself. Show them how similar your situations are. You may be surprised that the life you save may be your own. That you may have had a need to share your story, to get it out there and by doing so helped you realize how to overcome whatever it is, or connect with someone that needs you as much as you need them. God is amazing and He works in mysterious ways. If you ever find yourself at a cross road and all the doors are closed, don't despair, take heart that maybe the reason why they are all close so that you could open one that leads you to the perfect road. Everyone of us needs others in our lives that can understand us, can sympathize with us, who can guide us or we can guide them through the rough patches. Everyone has a story, a need or a desire that can be fulfilled. Only if you take the time to listen and understand what they are saying. Remember that life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death. You have to live, live, live. Take that chance to explore the tapestry and color of life. You will be glad you did.
As you can imagine, you never know who might be listening or watching you, but your life is a story, your history a tapestry, the world the texture and color that paints your portrait. Take the time to open yourself up, let the world see the light in you, hold out a helping hand and make new friends. Life is too short and too hard to do it all alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I wish I would have gotten the woman's name that helped me because my experience was of such delight and inspiration I am extremely thankful I ended up there. She took me right to the section that I needed and she asked me what I was writing about. An open door is all I need to go into who I am and the organization I represent, so I told her everything, then I also told her that I do work with cancer patients, survivors and their families. This is when she opened up to me and we talked about her mother and her mother's battle with breast cancer. We laughed and joked and it was an extremely meaningful interaction. Before I left she asked me for a card, which unfortunately I don't have at this time, but I will have some printed up soon. I am getting so many requests for one, I just need to have some in my wallet at all times. So what I did was follow her over to the information desk and I wrote out my information and while I was doing that she mentioned that she had a friend who was working so much, and didn't know anyone, and that he had no social life to speak of. Now, she told me he wasn't HIV Positive, which really wouldn't have mattered to me either way, but she also told me that he was dealing with the loss of his partner and needed to meet some friends. Well of course you know me I can't help myself when I learn of someone in need so I made sure I gave my email address, cell phone number, blog and told her to tell her friend to call me. I also told her about my friend who has been battling for his own life in a different manner, but how excited I was that he has agreed to come to Ormond to help me look for an apartment. I told her that I think it would be wonderful to meet her friend and guess what my friend and her friend have something extraordinary in common, both are song writers, musicians and performers.
What an amazing turn of events, how fortunate was I to run into her, that her and I would have a similar story. You never know who you might meet, where that chance meeting might take you. How by being open and receptive that encounter can impact other people's lives and change the direction and energy around them. My eyes were opened to this kind woman and her friend and it touched me and struck a cord in life on a very personal level. As much as I am dying to tell you all about my friend I made a promise that I intend to keep, so all I can tell you is that over the past year my life has been in turmoil. When we parted ways last August, I didn't know when or if I was ever going to see him again. I didn't know if we were still together or what the deal was. I had met someone in October but things didn't last, and when I got to Florida I thought that person might choose to come down here and be with me. However, with his situation as it was he couldn't or wouldn't whatever the case maybe. But, Facebook reconnected me with the one who left me last August in March after my big surgery and where I died on the table twice. So it was a big deal for me. I am rehashing all of this out so you can understand the immediate connection I felt with this lady and her friend. Once me and my partner reconnected via Facebook it would still be several months of talking and emailing and cellphone calls, etc. before we even broached the idea of our parting, and what it meant. I had no idea that he had a seizure and was in the hospital and that is what caused him to disappear, that he was scared and his family was across the country from where we were at, and he couldn't get a hold of me to let me know what was going on so he went home. Let me tell you that when he found out that I was sick and dying and scared he was there, he wanted to drop everything for me but due to his own physical limitations that was impossible right then. But we talked and decided that we had never broken up, that we still love each other and that despite the distance, and the illness we are going to make our relationship work.
As I am talking to this woman and hearing about her friend and his need to meet other people like himself that it struck me, with her friends recent loss and both me and my partner almost loosing one another because we both almost died that there was a definite connection there. Then after hearing how her friend was a songwriter, singer, musician and dancer and had just worked hard to open a dance studio, how there was another connection with my partner and me. I don't believe in random chance, I believe as you all know too well that people are put into our life for reasons we may never understand. But, we do realize that there is a need on everyone's part that can and will be fulfilled through that meeting. I learned years ago that you cannot go through life being shy and introverted. If you live in a shell you are going to miss out on the fun and excitement that this roller coaster called life has to offer. When I was young my parents moved me around a lot. Every two years I was starting a new school and having to make new friends. I really didn't like it and when they finally settled on the Orlando, FL area, I thought it was going to be just like every other time, so I stayed in my books and hid in my room. I didn't want to put myself out there in anyway, I did make 2 friends that were my neighbors, but that was it. On the first day of school I got on the bus, I was in the 8th grade and was assigned a seat next to this boy who would become a huge influence and impact on my life. His name was John Hope and from what I hear he is a stand up comic today. Which I can't say surprises me at all because he was such a great guy and a good friend. It was John Hope that got me out of my shell, taught me how to laugh, encouraged me to let my personality fly, to become outgoing and meet as many people as I could.
Here is a little insight about dear old Uncle B, I was a late bloomer, I had terrible hair, wore huge bulky glasses, but I was smart, funny, out going, and socially into everything and there was no one I didn't like or count as a friend. Oh I got my share of picking on, but something strange happened, even those detractors the ones who picked on me, I eventually won them over and made them my friends. I excelled in my studies, but also in my outgoing lifestyle. Which in tenth grade I would figure out that I was attracted to boy's and girls. Sorry Stacey I never told you. Maybe it was good that we broke up before prom our Junior year. Here, is the other thing, I didn't know which way my life was going to go. If you want to know more you can read my blog entry about the "Defining moment of my life" and you can find out a little bit more about my first male lover, David Hodge. Life would never be the same for me and I can tell you that by the time I graduated high school, I knew every single member of my graduation class, and I was friends with every single one of them. The popular guys, girls, cheerleaders, jocks, the nerds, preppy kids, you name it I knew them all. I was not in their groups per-se but I was a part of them. I was the social butterfly, a networker, which I have used successfully throughout the rest of my life. It worked when I was in the Navy, when I was in government work and even now in my advocate and activism work.
The moral of this long winded tale is this. I am looking forward to meeting Caleb, getting to know him and adding him to my ever growing list of long term, life long friends. Because folks I am a testament that the friendships you make can last a lifetime. Check out my Facebook and see how many people I have known for over 20 years. You never know who your life is going to intersect with, how your life and story might connect you with others in similar situations as you, who you can grow and learn from. We each need help sometimes to overcome the challenges life throws our way, and how our seeming chance encounters can change the course of not only your own life but all those that are around you and a part of you.
Remember everyone has a story, everyone likes to have someone else pay attention to them, likes to talk about their story and have a receptive person listen, empathize and even comprehend the depth of their pain and rejoice in their triumph. Never be too busy to give someone a few minutes of your time. Listen with open heart and an open mind, be receptive to their needs, understanding, sympathetic, and willing to talk about yourself. Show them how similar your situations are. You may be surprised that the life you save may be your own. That you may have had a need to share your story, to get it out there and by doing so helped you realize how to overcome whatever it is, or connect with someone that needs you as much as you need them. God is amazing and He works in mysterious ways. If you ever find yourself at a cross road and all the doors are closed, don't despair, take heart that maybe the reason why they are all close so that you could open one that leads you to the perfect road. Everyone of us needs others in our lives that can understand us, can sympathize with us, who can guide us or we can guide them through the rough patches. Everyone has a story, a need or a desire that can be fulfilled. Only if you take the time to listen and understand what they are saying. Remember that life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death. You have to live, live, live. Take that chance to explore the tapestry and color of life. You will be glad you did.
As you can imagine, you never know who might be listening or watching you, but your life is a story, your history a tapestry, the world the texture and color that paints your portrait. Take the time to open yourself up, let the world see the light in you, hold out a helping hand and make new friends. Life is too short and too hard to do it all alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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