Sunday, May 24, 2015

Sleepless night

I am attempting to write this with my cell phone so please bear(IDK) with me.  A lot has been going on in my life and some major changes are in the works.  Back in February I did some foolish things and ended up getting really sick for a little while. Luckily I had met someone who would turn out to be not only a good friend, but a person I can depend on and learn from.

Please understand and for those of you who have been reading my blog faithfully will know this already about me.  I have a great deal of book smarts, but in the world that only gets you so far.  For 40 plus years I have been ruled by my heart and my emotions.  I tried to please everyone, and I wanted to save every soul that was in need.  For the most part I was able to live that way because I had partners that  either didn't understand or really didn't care.

Over the years I was able to help a lot of people. Some of which are greatful and are successful today because of the help that I gave them others took what they could and went back to their old ways.  Of course, I am saddened by their decision, but in the end it was what they decided to make of it.  Now, there was a certain set of criterea that I followed, I wanted to the help those that were doing something to help themselves, most of the time they either had to have a job or were in school.  We would set milestones and goals that were realistic and attainable.  It worked out for the most part, yet I was pulled in many different directions and it seemed like I was always stepping out on a limb for someone.  I took time to help everyone else, but I never stopped to take care of myself.  I have been characterized by my grandmother and Angel on Earth and for quite a few people I have been.  To others I was just a means to an end, someone that was foolish enough to believe what they were selling and pretty much getting taken advantage of.

Do you know why I started this blog and what it's purpose was suppose to be? I started this blog in 2012 when I was really sick and had to have multiple bowel surgeries and then I broke my leg and I was laid up in bed for nearly 8 full months.  So as a way of trying to continue to help people I put my life out there for the world to see, all the good the bad, the ugly and the unvarnished truth.  Some people hated how much of my life I shared with you, others took solace knowing that there was someone out there that was going through or had gone through something similiar to their own situation.  So for several years now I have been chronicallying my life, but I have been giving real examples of how to overcome adversity, deal with health issues, disabilities, limitations, and most of all how to change your perspective and look at a situation objectively from all different angles.

I am proud that I have been able to help and reach so many people with my blog, and that my life and crisises that I have been through and endured have been an inspiration to many and have seen some of you through some really dark times.  I thank you for all the emails and letters that I have recieved and the encouragement that some of you have given me.  You cannot understand the overwhelming feeling I get when someone writes too me and tells me how my entry that day seemed to be speaking right too them and that it was written just so they could understand it perfectly.  But here is the secret I write to purge my soul of a thought or situation that has been bothering me, but it is God that is speaking through my word or better yet those are the words that God allowed my hands to write and maybe it was written just for you or maybe it was written  because that message needed to go out.  Whatever the reason I write what I feel and about what is on my mind or what I am going through.

Here we are again, rambling along and you are probably wondering what I was trying to say.  So, I guess I better get back on track and try to tie these threads of thought together so that you see clearly the picture I was trying to get too from the beginning.  Let me jump in right here, I was talking about book smarts, and was heading towards the fact that I have just a little street smarts, but common sense I either lack totally or I have become so used to letting my feelings and heart over rule it that it doesn't exist and I get myself into situation after situation, problem after problem, and I am still running trying to save everyone and guess what I have once again forgotten about myself, my needs, my wants and my desires.  But, as I have been telling you 2015 is a year of change and change has come to me and it started in February like I told you at the begining, it is all because of one person.  He is very shy and doesn't like to be mentioned or talked about, and absolutely hates talking about his feelings.  What I can say is this, he has taken some sort of interest in me and saw how quite a few people were taking advantage of me.  They were abusing me with their words and deeds and I was just oblivious too it.  Now here is the part that blows my mind he is half my age and then some, and here I am learning from him.

Now up until this point it has always been very difficult for me to say "NO" and when I have been backed into a corner and pressured I would cave in.  Well, I have finally 2 people in my life who constantly remind me that it is okay to say NO and mean it.  It is okay to want and do stuff for myself and that I owe no one and explanation for my decision.  All that needs to be expressed is the decision and that is all.  Boy it is hard for me, and a HUGE, GREAT, TITANIC change in my lifestyle that it is taking everyone by surprise, and yet those that matter like family and true friends are finally saying it is about damn time.

So bringing all the threads of this conversation together the purpose of this blog was to reach out and help people just like myself that were going through things and giving them real world answers and solutions.  I have used my life and my story as examples.  This is how I am going to save people now, this is how i am going to help others.  Why am I telling you all of this? Well some of you are used to asking directly for help or money, or it could be a ride that you need or a slew of other things.  But change is upon us! I know I have said it before, however this time you better believe I am sincere and this is taking place for real "Captain Save a Ho " is dead.  I cannot come to your rescue because you made a bad choice, I am not going to reach out and save you everytime you screw up and make everything alright.  I have done all of that for years and all it did was enable you to continue doing the things you are doing and putting myself into a routine and pattern that was just taken granted of.

If you need something or want me to do something for you, you need to come out and ask me.  Stop assuming that I am just going to be there or that I am going to.  I don't like feeling like I am expected to do something for you, because the truth is I am just doing you a favor, and you better understand that and respect it.  No more demands, I am taking my time, engergy and most of the time gas to help you out.  Understand that and be gracious.


I have a set of criteria that I am measuring all my friends too and if they don't measure up I am cutting them loose, becasue they are just holding me back.  See if you think my criteria is on point :   A true friend is someone that puts your best interest up front, who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not.  Is a person that will defend you and stand up for your when you are not around.  Is a person that has your back even when you mess things up royally. Who nurses you when you are sick. Helps you put the peices of your life back together when you are devestated.  They lift you up when you are down. They will listen and offer their advice and their opinion.  Learn to consider both.

As always, my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B