I am sitting here tonight and I have dark thoughts running through my head. Earlier today I was reading about star that have gone out of our lives by suicide. Robin Williams was always someone that cheered me up and brightened my mood, no matter what he was performing in I was always interested. He is gone by his own hand and it got me to thinking about the tiny boxes that surround each and everyone of us. The boxes I am referring to are boxes we are placed in by others through stereotypes and labels. Yet, that is just one type of box, I look out my window and I see all the boxes others live in and these too interest me. But, no matter the type of box each one of them has a story hidden inside.
Most people never look behind the labels or stereotypes to see the person that is staring back at them, and in our own homes there is a drama all of our own that is also obscured and unseen. It is getting dark outside now and the light in each window are coming on and I wonder if the people behind them are thinking about me like I am sitting here thinking about them. I am not a solitary person, have never liked to be alone and have never experienced for any length of time being on my own and alone. My story intersects with a so many different lives that I sort of have a vicarious life through them. But these boxes hold secrets, tears, pain, fears, longings and so many other things that I cry out feeling for each one wondering who is in their life that is helping them deal with life and existence.
I have been categorized so many times in my life that I defy one specific stereotype, but yet I still feel isolated and alone. I sit here with my computer and reach out in to the night hoping that someone out there is in a better circumstance just because they know me. I wonder how many lives I have helped, changed, inspired or nurtured and might they remember me after I am gone. When I am left alone too long I start to fear that I haven't done enough, been enough or hear enough. I cry on the inside because I cringe and am afraid of myself and who I am.
So many people on Facebook and throughout my life have passed on through few have ever taken root and stayed for any length of time, and I wonder is it me? Could I have been more? done more? said more? felt more? I don't think I will ever know. I have been myself and that is all that anyone can ask for. Those few who have taken root and who are still around and in my life today our relationship has changed, we are scattered far apart and we only talk every once in a while maybe by phone, email, facebook or text, but it just isn't the same.
So as I write to you tonight I want you to think about the people around you that are at home in there tiny box, think about their story, their truth, because each and every light on in those windows has a person behind it and a story that is uniquely their own. Just like you and I have. I would encourage you to be a helper, companion, friend, someone others can talk to and depend on. I think if we can all do that and break down the walls that separate us the world will be a much happier and prettier place.
I don't want to die alone or feel like I am not cared for or loved, because I know that I am. But so are each of you. We have to get past those boxes, those walls that separate us and reach out to others, we are social creatures and we need others around us and in our lives, or at least I do. I am thinking about all of you tonight as I sit in my chair here in my home all alone and wonder what is you are doing while I am writing? I don't think anyone really ever wants to be alone or intends to be alone it just sort of happens and as we get older, it is hard for us to socialize and get around. Maybe take a trip to a nursing home and visit some of the folks shut in there. Each one of them has a history and a past, a story that they can share with you and trust me you will be better for hearing it and being a part of their life.
Bette Midler had a song called "Hello in There" and if you really listen to the song she is telling the story of how as people get older they are sometimes alone and forgotten, I don't want to be forgotten, and I definitely don't want to be alone, but I have no children of my own, and my brother is far away, and most of my friends are either in another state or another city and I don't get to see them much at all.
We need to take care of one another we are the only ones that can.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label loving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loving. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Friday, July 27, 2012
What it takes to make any type of relationship work
The divorce rate in the United State is steadily climbing, there doesn't seem to be a social stigma associated with divorce these days, and the trend to leave the problem versus trying to find a acceptable solution seems to have become the standard. Trust me when I tell you that this concept has come from years of trial and error, mistake upon mistake, and really the answer was right in front of my face the entire time. The term relationship is being used in the broadest term here to include every type of relationship whether sexual, friendship, companion, acquaintance and so forth. Relationships are fragile things at first, full of awkward moments and situations. It takes time and patience to cultivate long standing relationships. I know you have all heard people saying that if you are in a relationship you have to learn to compromise. Unfortunately, this is only a part of the equation when it comes to making a long lasting relationship.
There is a way to make permanent and lasting relationships, but it is going to take work and effort on your part. I know you have been told in the past that the secret to a successful relationship was compromise, and it is a key ingredient, but I think along with compromise you have to be totally open minded. You have to be willing to accept new things and make changes to accommodate the relationship. This is more than just being willing to compromise. You have to be willing to look at things differently, you are going to have to work at accepting the other persons inputs and suggestions, and it is learning how to keep your opinions to yourself and not let the little things bother you. I realize that many of you have habits and certain ways of doing things, this is what helps make you who you are. But, by being open to the other persons suggestions, criticisms and the way they do things you might realize that some of the things that you do could be done differently and more easily. Honestly, the big thing here is communication and understanding. Not trying to make your friend or partner conform to your ideal way of doing things, relaxing your control.
Control is a major issue and something that you have got to learn to give up, you have to have trust and faith that the other person is doing what they can to help you and make the situation better. Control is a thing that can make or break a relationship, when you relax your control and expectations you will find that talking about issues and coming up with workable solutions becomes much easier. Further, you are going to be able to share everything, your possession, you time, your life and money and there is going to be a lot less friction. It is hard to release control, it is hard to surrender to someone else, but if you honestly trust that person you will get there. I will be honest this was the hardest thing for me. I never wanted to share things, what was mine was mine and if you wanted to use something you had to ask. This is not a conducive behavior to make for a lasting sexual relationship, it may be okay for friendships but a true partner is the joining of two individuals into one.
So here we are talking about relationships and issues, but what I want to talk about is how to make them work and last the test of time. I have friends that I met in high school that I am still friends with today. One of them is my best friend John, we have been friends forever. He may disagree with me on the exact number of years but it has to be getting close to 15 or more years by now. Because I lived in Atlanta for 13 years and we knew each other before I ever went to Atlanta. He also came up there and we went to school together. So it has been a long time. But the secret to this is that we have been there for each other, we each have given time and support to each other and we continue to do so to this day. But, how does it all begin? How do you approach a friendship or relationship in a manner that is conducive to cultivating a life long result? Well, honestly it helps if you have common goals and interests, likes, and can spend time with one another, you get to know the person and you are open and honest with them and let them get to really know you. You share everything, your hopes, dreams, secrets, loves, interests, desires, truly everything...holding nothing back. This is the best way to really develop the type of relationship that I am talking about.
Remember that when two people come together it is usually for the benefit of each ones need to complete something or reach a common goal. In a sexual relationship this might be ending your loneliness and building a life and home together...or whatever. But remember this partnership is just like a corporate partnership. Each one has to do their part and give their support when and where it is needed in order for it to succeed. As you get to know the other person and them you, and you are honest and open with them and show them your real self, a deep form of trust is developed and that is the foundation on which you are going to build from. It is so important to be truly open and honest with the other person, to really let your walls down and let them get to know the real you. Let them know the good parts as well as the bad parts. Equally they have to do the same with you in order for this to work. Trust me as time goes by you are going to see that they have accepted you for who you are, they enjoy being around you sincerely, they understand you and accept your strengths and your weaknesses, they tolerate your flaws, and guess what they know you well enough that they can speak their mind and truly let you know how they feel. You can accept there comments and criticism knowing that they are not trying to hurt you that they are trying to keep you from getting hurt or walking into danger. These are the people that would take a bullet for you just because they love you and don't want to see you hurt. They are there for your when your world is crashing down around your ears and they are the ones that are with you when you start to pick up the pieces and rebuild your life again.
How did you get that way? I will tell you! You came to accept them totally and fully for who they are, you understand them, and you know what they are thinking and how they are going to react to different situations. You realize that over the time you have spent together that you and they react the same and feel the same in just about all situations. You are kindred spirits, partners, and somehow they have become your best friend. It won't be long till you realize that you don't want to live with out them, and that you probably couldn't. When entering into a sexual relationship you really need to take the time and make them a friend and build and grow from there. Let me be totally frank with you, if you take it slow and enter every contact with a person the same way, with the intention of making a life-long friendship you might be surprised to find that your relationships are going to be more solid and last a lot longer. I know this because up until a couple of years ago that is how I handled my life and situations and I was in two 7 year relationships, a 5 year relationship then a 12 year relationship. So, it can work just like I said. The problem was for me that somehow I lost myself and got wrapped up in the 12 year relationship that I didn't follow the right process.
The funny thing about relationships, is that they all can vary in nature, and have a very delicate balance within them. If something happens that is unexpected and you and your partner are not ready for the change, everything can turn upside down immediately and if your aren't of the same mind you will never be able to get it right again. For example in my 12 year relationship, I was the one that made the least amount of money, I was the one that sort of relied and depended on the other person for support and guidance, and when I went to school and got my masters degree, and the money situation changed and I was the one make the most money and wanted to control the direction of things, everything went out of balance, and neither one of us were prepared for the change, and one of us wanted to be in control and the other one was used to being in control..things just never worked out or got better. The problems was we forgot how to communicate, held in what was bothering us, our goals and dreams had seemed to change, but honestly that was an illusion. We both still wanted the same things but couldn't navigate the changing structure and nature of the relationship and fighting and discord became common place. We ended up throwing it all away.
The simple fact that the person that has the least interest in the relationship has the most control over the relationship, and when the balance is compromised if you both don't come together to hammer out the issues and address them quickly you will find yourself in a similar situation like the one that I described above. Within a very short time, if you don't work together, and don't find a workable compromise and solution to the issues that are threatening your relationship you could end up loosing it all, and most importantly the person that you cared about.
So what do we know? We know that a relationship is the partnership of two individuals that have decided for whatever reason that they are going to help each other achieve the next level of life together. We know that there has to be a mutual interest and plenty of compromise to fit these two individuals together, so that they mesh well. That they have similar likes and dislikes, dreams and goals and that are striving to build something lasting together. That they trust each other, and have taken the necessary steps to work on building that trust. That they are open and communicative with one another. That they are willing to work on their issues rather than walk away and have to start all over again. We know that they are both open minded and willing to try new things together, they aren't afraid to take risks and grow together as one person. We know that when threatened they pull together and defend one another. That they are willing to show how much they care for the other person and that they want to be partners. That they are willing to share and support each other, because they know that they can face any problem united and come out victorious because two heads are always better than one.
It is important to understand that you have to let down your barriers, the walls that you have built up over your lifetime and let them inside. You cannot hold someone at bay, or at arms length and expect them to hang around. You have to live in the present, let go of the past. Why would you want to cling to it anyway? It is over and done that is why they call it the past, and there is nothing you can do to change it anyway. If you don't know how check out some of my other blog entries like "If these walls could talk...what would they say" and "Holding in emotion and pain is not good for anybody" then finally check out this last one because it may help you understand a bit about perspectives and how two people can live through the same situation and see totally different things, it is called "How two people can live through the same things and have totally different stories". Relationships are tough and require work and regular maintenance just like a car does. But remember you can work through any situation if you really open up and talk about what is going on and how you feel. Keep in mind that they are not you and see things from a totally different perspective so talk about it, get to know what they see and think and feel. This will make your relationship and understanding of them so much stronger. Be willing to work hard, show a lot of affection and be spontaneous and crazy, life is short and you need to have fun.
Keep in mind that there are minimally two sides to every situation and each of you has a different way of looking at things, comprehending them and defining them. If you don't talk about it and communicate you may one day wake up and realize that you are upset and fighting over something that frankly is just a misunderstanding. One thing I am famous for is arguing over something so fervently and not realizing that me and my partner were saying the same things, actually agreeing but he said it in a slightly different way and I missed his point, and therefore the argument was bogus, and had I been more open and receptive to his ideas, and had we communicated effectively there wouldn't have been any argument in the first place. I don't believe in giving up and walking away. I try to stay and fight and hold on even when it is hopeless. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but trust me there is no real handbook on how relationships are supposed to go, there isn't some recipe on how to get over every single situation you will encounter. You have to be strong and work them through together. Remember with both of you working on it how can you fail.
As I wrap this up I hope that you come away with a better understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work. What relationship practices help make it stronger, and what can tear it apart. I know that it seems like I have been all over the place once again. But seriously, the best way to approach a relationship is to work from friendship, build up the trust, always keep and open mind, be willing to do things to change yourself, compromise when necessary, pull together and talk about everything. Don't keep secrets, be yourself and let them get to really know and understand you. Leave the past behind, don't make comparisons, and be brutally honest with each other at all times. When things get rough and they will put your heads together and find a workable solution and an answer that is going to benefit you both. Learn how to share, don't be obstinate, and learn when to keep your mouth shut, go the extra mile and be spontaneous. Life is too short and you really care about one another or you wouldn't be with each other.
The final thing that I want to leave you with is this, don't ever settle for the answer I can't be with you because you are my friend and I don't want to do anything to ruin that friendship. This is a cop out and totally bogus. Because let me tell you something there is no way that you are ever going to ruin a true friendship. When you come together either you are going to make something greater than what you have or you are going to remain the same. There are going to be fights, there are going to be times when you stop speaking to one another, but they are going to be short lived and you are going to find that you can't stay mad or angry at the person forever, that even if they hurt you that you can forgive it and get over it. The secret to understanding all of this is that every relationship is going to end in someone getting hurt at some point or another. Because no matter how perfect it is sooner or later one of you is going to have to leave it. Either by dying or some other cause. Nothing last forever, except the love that you share. That will endure everything else and as long as you are willing to talk and compromise and be open minded you will survive.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
There is a way to make permanent and lasting relationships, but it is going to take work and effort on your part. I know you have been told in the past that the secret to a successful relationship was compromise, and it is a key ingredient, but I think along with compromise you have to be totally open minded. You have to be willing to accept new things and make changes to accommodate the relationship. This is more than just being willing to compromise. You have to be willing to look at things differently, you are going to have to work at accepting the other persons inputs and suggestions, and it is learning how to keep your opinions to yourself and not let the little things bother you. I realize that many of you have habits and certain ways of doing things, this is what helps make you who you are. But, by being open to the other persons suggestions, criticisms and the way they do things you might realize that some of the things that you do could be done differently and more easily. Honestly, the big thing here is communication and understanding. Not trying to make your friend or partner conform to your ideal way of doing things, relaxing your control.
Control is a major issue and something that you have got to learn to give up, you have to have trust and faith that the other person is doing what they can to help you and make the situation better. Control is a thing that can make or break a relationship, when you relax your control and expectations you will find that talking about issues and coming up with workable solutions becomes much easier. Further, you are going to be able to share everything, your possession, you time, your life and money and there is going to be a lot less friction. It is hard to release control, it is hard to surrender to someone else, but if you honestly trust that person you will get there. I will be honest this was the hardest thing for me. I never wanted to share things, what was mine was mine and if you wanted to use something you had to ask. This is not a conducive behavior to make for a lasting sexual relationship, it may be okay for friendships but a true partner is the joining of two individuals into one.
So here we are talking about relationships and issues, but what I want to talk about is how to make them work and last the test of time. I have friends that I met in high school that I am still friends with today. One of them is my best friend John, we have been friends forever. He may disagree with me on the exact number of years but it has to be getting close to 15 or more years by now. Because I lived in Atlanta for 13 years and we knew each other before I ever went to Atlanta. He also came up there and we went to school together. So it has been a long time. But the secret to this is that we have been there for each other, we each have given time and support to each other and we continue to do so to this day. But, how does it all begin? How do you approach a friendship or relationship in a manner that is conducive to cultivating a life long result? Well, honestly it helps if you have common goals and interests, likes, and can spend time with one another, you get to know the person and you are open and honest with them and let them get to really know you. You share everything, your hopes, dreams, secrets, loves, interests, desires, truly everything...holding nothing back. This is the best way to really develop the type of relationship that I am talking about.
Remember that when two people come together it is usually for the benefit of each ones need to complete something or reach a common goal. In a sexual relationship this might be ending your loneliness and building a life and home together...or whatever. But remember this partnership is just like a corporate partnership. Each one has to do their part and give their support when and where it is needed in order for it to succeed. As you get to know the other person and them you, and you are honest and open with them and show them your real self, a deep form of trust is developed and that is the foundation on which you are going to build from. It is so important to be truly open and honest with the other person, to really let your walls down and let them get to know the real you. Let them know the good parts as well as the bad parts. Equally they have to do the same with you in order for this to work. Trust me as time goes by you are going to see that they have accepted you for who you are, they enjoy being around you sincerely, they understand you and accept your strengths and your weaknesses, they tolerate your flaws, and guess what they know you well enough that they can speak their mind and truly let you know how they feel. You can accept there comments and criticism knowing that they are not trying to hurt you that they are trying to keep you from getting hurt or walking into danger. These are the people that would take a bullet for you just because they love you and don't want to see you hurt. They are there for your when your world is crashing down around your ears and they are the ones that are with you when you start to pick up the pieces and rebuild your life again.
How did you get that way? I will tell you! You came to accept them totally and fully for who they are, you understand them, and you know what they are thinking and how they are going to react to different situations. You realize that over the time you have spent together that you and they react the same and feel the same in just about all situations. You are kindred spirits, partners, and somehow they have become your best friend. It won't be long till you realize that you don't want to live with out them, and that you probably couldn't. When entering into a sexual relationship you really need to take the time and make them a friend and build and grow from there. Let me be totally frank with you, if you take it slow and enter every contact with a person the same way, with the intention of making a life-long friendship you might be surprised to find that your relationships are going to be more solid and last a lot longer. I know this because up until a couple of years ago that is how I handled my life and situations and I was in two 7 year relationships, a 5 year relationship then a 12 year relationship. So, it can work just like I said. The problem was for me that somehow I lost myself and got wrapped up in the 12 year relationship that I didn't follow the right process.
The funny thing about relationships, is that they all can vary in nature, and have a very delicate balance within them. If something happens that is unexpected and you and your partner are not ready for the change, everything can turn upside down immediately and if your aren't of the same mind you will never be able to get it right again. For example in my 12 year relationship, I was the one that made the least amount of money, I was the one that sort of relied and depended on the other person for support and guidance, and when I went to school and got my masters degree, and the money situation changed and I was the one make the most money and wanted to control the direction of things, everything went out of balance, and neither one of us were prepared for the change, and one of us wanted to be in control and the other one was used to being in control..things just never worked out or got better. The problems was we forgot how to communicate, held in what was bothering us, our goals and dreams had seemed to change, but honestly that was an illusion. We both still wanted the same things but couldn't navigate the changing structure and nature of the relationship and fighting and discord became common place. We ended up throwing it all away.
The simple fact that the person that has the least interest in the relationship has the most control over the relationship, and when the balance is compromised if you both don't come together to hammer out the issues and address them quickly you will find yourself in a similar situation like the one that I described above. Within a very short time, if you don't work together, and don't find a workable compromise and solution to the issues that are threatening your relationship you could end up loosing it all, and most importantly the person that you cared about.
So what do we know? We know that a relationship is the partnership of two individuals that have decided for whatever reason that they are going to help each other achieve the next level of life together. We know that there has to be a mutual interest and plenty of compromise to fit these two individuals together, so that they mesh well. That they have similar likes and dislikes, dreams and goals and that are striving to build something lasting together. That they trust each other, and have taken the necessary steps to work on building that trust. That they are open and communicative with one another. That they are willing to work on their issues rather than walk away and have to start all over again. We know that they are both open minded and willing to try new things together, they aren't afraid to take risks and grow together as one person. We know that when threatened they pull together and defend one another. That they are willing to show how much they care for the other person and that they want to be partners. That they are willing to share and support each other, because they know that they can face any problem united and come out victorious because two heads are always better than one.
It is important to understand that you have to let down your barriers, the walls that you have built up over your lifetime and let them inside. You cannot hold someone at bay, or at arms length and expect them to hang around. You have to live in the present, let go of the past. Why would you want to cling to it anyway? It is over and done that is why they call it the past, and there is nothing you can do to change it anyway. If you don't know how check out some of my other blog entries like "If these walls could talk...what would they say" and "Holding in emotion and pain is not good for anybody" then finally check out this last one because it may help you understand a bit about perspectives and how two people can live through the same situation and see totally different things, it is called "How two people can live through the same things and have totally different stories". Relationships are tough and require work and regular maintenance just like a car does. But remember you can work through any situation if you really open up and talk about what is going on and how you feel. Keep in mind that they are not you and see things from a totally different perspective so talk about it, get to know what they see and think and feel. This will make your relationship and understanding of them so much stronger. Be willing to work hard, show a lot of affection and be spontaneous and crazy, life is short and you need to have fun.
Keep in mind that there are minimally two sides to every situation and each of you has a different way of looking at things, comprehending them and defining them. If you don't talk about it and communicate you may one day wake up and realize that you are upset and fighting over something that frankly is just a misunderstanding. One thing I am famous for is arguing over something so fervently and not realizing that me and my partner were saying the same things, actually agreeing but he said it in a slightly different way and I missed his point, and therefore the argument was bogus, and had I been more open and receptive to his ideas, and had we communicated effectively there wouldn't have been any argument in the first place. I don't believe in giving up and walking away. I try to stay and fight and hold on even when it is hopeless. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but trust me there is no real handbook on how relationships are supposed to go, there isn't some recipe on how to get over every single situation you will encounter. You have to be strong and work them through together. Remember with both of you working on it how can you fail.
As I wrap this up I hope that you come away with a better understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work. What relationship practices help make it stronger, and what can tear it apart. I know that it seems like I have been all over the place once again. But seriously, the best way to approach a relationship is to work from friendship, build up the trust, always keep and open mind, be willing to do things to change yourself, compromise when necessary, pull together and talk about everything. Don't keep secrets, be yourself and let them get to really know and understand you. Leave the past behind, don't make comparisons, and be brutally honest with each other at all times. When things get rough and they will put your heads together and find a workable solution and an answer that is going to benefit you both. Learn how to share, don't be obstinate, and learn when to keep your mouth shut, go the extra mile and be spontaneous. Life is too short and you really care about one another or you wouldn't be with each other.
The final thing that I want to leave you with is this, don't ever settle for the answer I can't be with you because you are my friend and I don't want to do anything to ruin that friendship. This is a cop out and totally bogus. Because let me tell you something there is no way that you are ever going to ruin a true friendship. When you come together either you are going to make something greater than what you have or you are going to remain the same. There are going to be fights, there are going to be times when you stop speaking to one another, but they are going to be short lived and you are going to find that you can't stay mad or angry at the person forever, that even if they hurt you that you can forgive it and get over it. The secret to understanding all of this is that every relationship is going to end in someone getting hurt at some point or another. Because no matter how perfect it is sooner or later one of you is going to have to leave it. Either by dying or some other cause. Nothing last forever, except the love that you share. That will endure everything else and as long as you are willing to talk and compromise and be open minded you will survive.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
A problem with organized religion and what the church has missed
I have been thinking a lot about the state of the world today and the role that the church plays in it. To my dismay it has become evident that the whole christian church has missed the boat, their philosophy is their own and not that of Jesus. Honestly, the church calls themselves christian, which means that they believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. The teach that the New Testament is the teachings and life of Jesus, so why don't they demonstrate in their preaching and lifestyle that they are believers. How did they miss the boat, and why do they continue to teach hate and intolerance. Each minister, pastor, priest, preacher and teacher has to go through extensive training via seminary to become ordained, yet they continue to focus primarily on the Old Testament.
This is a major dilemma for the church, because they are in the wrong. How did they miss the message that was sent and shown to them at Calvary, when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world? How is it 2000 years later they still haven't figured it out. Don't they know that if Jesus came back today that the modern church would be just as condemned as the church was 2000 years ago. That the religious leaders haven't changed, they are still doing the same things that Jesus told them was wrong way back then. See, the problem is God gave 2 Covenants to the faithful, the first is discussed at great lengths in the Old Testament, it was governed and presided over by the Priests, the church was a tent that God had given exacting specifications on, there was a section in which God himself resided. This was called the Holy of Holies and only the High Priest was allowed to enter. Sacrifices and atonement was made by the priests on behalf of the people and the law of the ten commandments was the governing laws of the time.
Problem is that Covenant ended when Christ chose to die at Calvary. His blood is the bridge that crosses the gap of original sin. No longer did we need the priest to intercede on our behalf, we now have a direct link through Christ. He became the ultimate sacrifice, and through him we are saved and granted Salvation. The old covenant between God and Abraham ended when as Jesus died the temple veil tore in two. A person can now only be saved through Jesus, as He said "I am the way the truth and the life, no one can come to the Father accept through Me." The new covenant that God gave to us through Jesus was much simpler, and gentler than the old covenant. No longer did the Ten Commandments hold sway, because Jesus gave new commandments. He gave a new direction and mission to the church. The problem is the church by the time of Christ had grown into a bureaucracy and as with any large body is resistant to change. Here we are 2000 years later and the church is still teaching out of the Old Testament, shoring up their fences with hatred, fear, intolerance and unfortunately they are terribly mistaken.
Being saved by Grace which is what the New Covenant is called, is all about love, patience, acceptance, and good will. We are commanded to go out and be fishers of men, to give our testimony and lead others to Christ for salvation. We were given just a few commandments to follow, Love one another as you love yourself, Children obey your parents so that your days may be many, go out and be fishers of men are the commandments that show that the face of God had changed, had become more tolerant and forgiving. In this day and age the commandments have been integrated into our law system and protect all people. These are the guiding principles that we all strive to live by. However, each denomination still denies anyone who doesn't believe exactly like they do, still cling to the old testament with was called being saved under the Law. Law being Deuteronomy and Leviticus and the Ten Commandments.
There are so many things that they modern church preaches against that stem directly from the old testament and are repealed by the teachings of Jesus. One of the things I a talking about is Homosexuality, in the Old Testament it was considered an abomination and punishable by death. But in the New Testament there is something said that is totally different and keeps being over looked and not comprehended by hundreds of theologians and that is troubling that these scholars don't even believe what they claim as the gospel. In Romans same sex interaction is again addressed, but this time you should read the passages very carefully because there is something hidden in them that is very enlightening and important for everyone to understand. See it starts out something like this, bear with me I am doing this totally from memory. When a man burns for lust for another and a woman yearns for another working that which is unseemly, those that do not keep God in their mind and heart will be turned over to a reprobate mind, and they become hater, backbiters, etc. the punishment of their ways are death. However, further reading reveals that those that keep God in their hearts and mind receive the recompense of their ways is meet. This is very important because it means that those of us that are gay and believe in God, are not forsaken, we are not an abomination, that we receive here on earth the recompense or payment for the error of their ways is meet, meaning we shall receive our punishment if you want to think of it that way here (meet).
So those that teach and think that you cannot be gay and christian aren't really christian either. For they have missed the boat, they are clinging to the old testament like it is a life line and all it is, is an example to live a good life by. The old testament was created to control the large crowd of refugees that were liberated from the pharaoh by Moses, and led into the wilderness of the desert. Maintaining order and discipline would have been a nightmare and almost impossible if not for the ten commandments. These laws and rules were put in place to ensure that compliance was mandatory, and the punishments for breaking them was swift and vicious, to ensure that they were obeyed. But in when Jesus came into the world the wandering in the desert was over, society and a nation were born and being ruled. There were no longer any need for them or the punishments described in exodus and leviticus. The old way wasn't working any longer and the church was taking advantage of the people and doing things that angered Jesus. So He set out to show them by example how to live a life of purity and faith, He gave examples and extolled virtues in His sermons, He encouraged acceptance of everyone, no matter who or what they were. He commanded that we love one another, to harm no one, to be obedient, to forgive, resist retribution and to bring His message of love and forgiveness to the world.
He condemned those who judged, He protected the weak and the lowly, and he walked with the common people. He loved everyone equally. We were to learn by his example, and to preach that God was a benevolent and forgiving God that loved us and cared for us because He had made us. The message Jesus brought was of hope and love, kindness and understanding. So why has the church missed this, why do they splinter and fracture over idiosyncratic beliefs. Why are there so many different denominations all proclaiming that they are right and if you don't believe like them then you are truly not saved and unworthy of their help or support. Why are we still hell bent on persecuting those that are different then us, judging them and casting aspersions upon them. It isn't our place to judge anyone, because none of us are blameless, we were all born into original sin and separated forever from the love of God until we come to accept and are saved by Jesus. How hard is it to see and understand? When are they going to get it? When will the church stop misleading people and embrace the truth the Jesus is the Son of God, and become real christian's and faithful to His teachings?
It is so important for us to understand that no one has the right to judge us, tell us what we believe is right or wrong, and further we have a shining example of how we are supposed to live our life's and how we are supposed to act and react. It isn't hard and Jesus is patient, and if you truly believe and are a christian you will understand that the church is wrong, and Jesus even made a provision for those of us who would eventually come to realize that the church is off track and heading for a big surprise when He comes again. See Jesus told his followers about the church, warned them actually and gave the following provision to keep us safe from the wiles and pitfalls of the church..He said "When to or three are gathered there, I shall be also." Amazing isn't it that Jesus had enough foresight to see that the church wasn't going to be the body to save the people that they were going to have to come directly to him and they didn't need to be in a huge congregation to do it. They only had to have faith and worship him, with just two or three the Lord would be there.
Jesus's message is quite simple really Love each other and everything, be kind and gentle, practice forgiveness, extend understanding to everyone, and don't judge because what is right for you may not be right for someone else. The easiest way to be a real christian is to ask yourself at each juncture "What would Jesus do", or WWJD. Without a doubt something each of us should learn how to ask. So, if you are not accepted by your church because you are different, or gay or just don't believe exactly along the same lines as them, be assured that you are not wrong, because God loves you and created you just as you are. We are all flawed and imperfect and that is what makes us unique and totally human. Love yourself and your fellow man, be helpful, kind, caring and compassionate and you cannot go wrong.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
This is a major dilemma for the church, because they are in the wrong. How did they miss the message that was sent and shown to them at Calvary, when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world? How is it 2000 years later they still haven't figured it out. Don't they know that if Jesus came back today that the modern church would be just as condemned as the church was 2000 years ago. That the religious leaders haven't changed, they are still doing the same things that Jesus told them was wrong way back then. See, the problem is God gave 2 Covenants to the faithful, the first is discussed at great lengths in the Old Testament, it was governed and presided over by the Priests, the church was a tent that God had given exacting specifications on, there was a section in which God himself resided. This was called the Holy of Holies and only the High Priest was allowed to enter. Sacrifices and atonement was made by the priests on behalf of the people and the law of the ten commandments was the governing laws of the time.
Problem is that Covenant ended when Christ chose to die at Calvary. His blood is the bridge that crosses the gap of original sin. No longer did we need the priest to intercede on our behalf, we now have a direct link through Christ. He became the ultimate sacrifice, and through him we are saved and granted Salvation. The old covenant between God and Abraham ended when as Jesus died the temple veil tore in two. A person can now only be saved through Jesus, as He said "I am the way the truth and the life, no one can come to the Father accept through Me." The new covenant that God gave to us through Jesus was much simpler, and gentler than the old covenant. No longer did the Ten Commandments hold sway, because Jesus gave new commandments. He gave a new direction and mission to the church. The problem is the church by the time of Christ had grown into a bureaucracy and as with any large body is resistant to change. Here we are 2000 years later and the church is still teaching out of the Old Testament, shoring up their fences with hatred, fear, intolerance and unfortunately they are terribly mistaken.
Being saved by Grace which is what the New Covenant is called, is all about love, patience, acceptance, and good will. We are commanded to go out and be fishers of men, to give our testimony and lead others to Christ for salvation. We were given just a few commandments to follow, Love one another as you love yourself, Children obey your parents so that your days may be many, go out and be fishers of men are the commandments that show that the face of God had changed, had become more tolerant and forgiving. In this day and age the commandments have been integrated into our law system and protect all people. These are the guiding principles that we all strive to live by. However, each denomination still denies anyone who doesn't believe exactly like they do, still cling to the old testament with was called being saved under the Law. Law being Deuteronomy and Leviticus and the Ten Commandments.
There are so many things that they modern church preaches against that stem directly from the old testament and are repealed by the teachings of Jesus. One of the things I a talking about is Homosexuality, in the Old Testament it was considered an abomination and punishable by death. But in the New Testament there is something said that is totally different and keeps being over looked and not comprehended by hundreds of theologians and that is troubling that these scholars don't even believe what they claim as the gospel. In Romans same sex interaction is again addressed, but this time you should read the passages very carefully because there is something hidden in them that is very enlightening and important for everyone to understand. See it starts out something like this, bear with me I am doing this totally from memory. When a man burns for lust for another and a woman yearns for another working that which is unseemly, those that do not keep God in their mind and heart will be turned over to a reprobate mind, and they become hater, backbiters, etc. the punishment of their ways are death. However, further reading reveals that those that keep God in their hearts and mind receive the recompense of their ways is meet. This is very important because it means that those of us that are gay and believe in God, are not forsaken, we are not an abomination, that we receive here on earth the recompense or payment for the error of their ways is meet, meaning we shall receive our punishment if you want to think of it that way here (meet).
So those that teach and think that you cannot be gay and christian aren't really christian either. For they have missed the boat, they are clinging to the old testament like it is a life line and all it is, is an example to live a good life by. The old testament was created to control the large crowd of refugees that were liberated from the pharaoh by Moses, and led into the wilderness of the desert. Maintaining order and discipline would have been a nightmare and almost impossible if not for the ten commandments. These laws and rules were put in place to ensure that compliance was mandatory, and the punishments for breaking them was swift and vicious, to ensure that they were obeyed. But in when Jesus came into the world the wandering in the desert was over, society and a nation were born and being ruled. There were no longer any need for them or the punishments described in exodus and leviticus. The old way wasn't working any longer and the church was taking advantage of the people and doing things that angered Jesus. So He set out to show them by example how to live a life of purity and faith, He gave examples and extolled virtues in His sermons, He encouraged acceptance of everyone, no matter who or what they were. He commanded that we love one another, to harm no one, to be obedient, to forgive, resist retribution and to bring His message of love and forgiveness to the world.
He condemned those who judged, He protected the weak and the lowly, and he walked with the common people. He loved everyone equally. We were to learn by his example, and to preach that God was a benevolent and forgiving God that loved us and cared for us because He had made us. The message Jesus brought was of hope and love, kindness and understanding. So why has the church missed this, why do they splinter and fracture over idiosyncratic beliefs. Why are there so many different denominations all proclaiming that they are right and if you don't believe like them then you are truly not saved and unworthy of their help or support. Why are we still hell bent on persecuting those that are different then us, judging them and casting aspersions upon them. It isn't our place to judge anyone, because none of us are blameless, we were all born into original sin and separated forever from the love of God until we come to accept and are saved by Jesus. How hard is it to see and understand? When are they going to get it? When will the church stop misleading people and embrace the truth the Jesus is the Son of God, and become real christian's and faithful to His teachings?
It is so important for us to understand that no one has the right to judge us, tell us what we believe is right or wrong, and further we have a shining example of how we are supposed to live our life's and how we are supposed to act and react. It isn't hard and Jesus is patient, and if you truly believe and are a christian you will understand that the church is wrong, and Jesus even made a provision for those of us who would eventually come to realize that the church is off track and heading for a big surprise when He comes again. See Jesus told his followers about the church, warned them actually and gave the following provision to keep us safe from the wiles and pitfalls of the church..He said "When to or three are gathered there, I shall be also." Amazing isn't it that Jesus had enough foresight to see that the church wasn't going to be the body to save the people that they were going to have to come directly to him and they didn't need to be in a huge congregation to do it. They only had to have faith and worship him, with just two or three the Lord would be there.
Jesus's message is quite simple really Love each other and everything, be kind and gentle, practice forgiveness, extend understanding to everyone, and don't judge because what is right for you may not be right for someone else. The easiest way to be a real christian is to ask yourself at each juncture "What would Jesus do", or WWJD. Without a doubt something each of us should learn how to ask. So, if you are not accepted by your church because you are different, or gay or just don't believe exactly along the same lines as them, be assured that you are not wrong, because God loves you and created you just as you are. We are all flawed and imperfect and that is what makes us unique and totally human. Love yourself and your fellow man, be helpful, kind, caring and compassionate and you cannot go wrong.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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