Tuesday, September 18, 2012

It isn't what you say, but how it is said!

Often times when you are discussing something and you are trying to get your point across to another person, the impact of your words are lost in translation.  See it isn't what you say, but the manner in which it is said. Believe it or not attitude, body language, tone and a myriad of other factors are interpreted by the person you are speaking with.  Often times I have been accused of saying something in a tone that is demeaning or derogatory towards the other person. You see it was the tone in which my words were spoken that were heard louder than what was being said.  Unfortunately, in most of the cases I was only looking out for the other persons well-being, but because of the tone that I used when speaking to them, I was met with resistance and anger.

No matter what you have to say be sure that you are saying with genuine concern and alacrity because the last thing you want is to turn the ears that you are trying to help to become deaf, because of the tone and attitude in which the message was delivered.  I know from personal experience that you can get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.  The words you say can end up being used as weapons instead of inspiring the trust and sincerity that you are looking for.  I have tried very hard over my life to help those around me, and I have been accused of many things, but the one thing I can assure you is that I have always put my friends over my own well being, even if it hurt myself in the process.

I moved back to Atlanta in 2011 for nine months, and during that time I learned a very valuable lesson. No matter how hard you want to help someone, want them to better themselves and strive for perfection, that I could see in them.  I found that my words were always tinged with bitterness and anger because the one person I had high hopes for couldn't or wouldn't rise to the occasion. No matter what promises were made to me when they came to Atlanta, they failed to live up to them no matter what I did or said to try and get them to excel.  Many arguments and fights occurred because of the manner and tone in which I couched my words.  In the long run I finally gave up on the person and I let nature take it's course.  Unfortunately, because of the way I handled the situation I ended up loosing a friend, and for that I am forever sorry. However, I realize now that because that person didn't want to change and wanted to continue down the same path that he was always on, was enough of an indicator that I needed to cut my losses.

I do ask that when you are talking with another person that you do so with clear purpose and intention. Try to moderate your tone and body language so that the proper message comes across.  Don't let your words get lost in translation so to speak, being hidden in your tone.  None of this should be a surprise to you.  It is important to realize that people interpret your body language and tone as much as they do your words.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B