You know I went back to Atlanta recently for a little visit. I saw quite a few of my friends while I was up there and I was surprise at how many of them are still doing the same things they have been doing. Of course this is really nothing new because for the most part every where I go I see old friends and acquaintances all doing the same things. When I go to Orlando I run into the same people that I knew from when I lived there 15 years ago at the bar and I wonder how and why they are still there. At least I went away for a long time and came back. I went to school and got 2 degrees, had a career and battled cancer. These poor people are still hanging at the bar, doing the same thing, some of them actually do have jobs now and are doing something with their lives, but the majority of them are still not working, still hanging out, still getting high, drinking and not doing a damn thing with their lives. First off I wonder how they can afford it,?Because I know I struggle and I make good money. So how can they still be doing the same thing after all these years?
Maybe this is just a phenomena in the gay community, and the drug community too which I used to be associated with. Or maybe it is just the way I am looking at things. But I often wonder how a friend of mine who I have known since he was twenty-four, is still bouncing around from place to place with no where to really call home, he is out every night chasing his high and looking for the next fix. He is trading on his looks to get what he wants. So far it is working for him. But one day and probably pretty quickly that is all going to run out. No one stays young forever, and what happens when people get tired of supporting your habits, and you crashing on their couch. The community isn't that big that you aren't going to eventually wear out your welcome at all your friend's places.
What I have found out that these people are just stuck on repeat, they found something that works for them and they continue to do it. Unless something changes, and they are forced to make a change they are going to continue in the same pattern. David Guetta is one of my favorite musicians right now and he has a song called "Repeat" and it sort of talks about this. The bridge goes something like this "So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started And I'm dancing to a brand new beat Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat...So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat."
This song really speaks too me, it reminds me of my past. The days when I sat around getting high and following in my friends footsteps. It also reminds me that a lot of my friends are stuck, they are in a rut and they cannot seem to break free from the hold that the drugs and alcohol has on them and their lives. They are just stuck in repeat mode. It is almost like watching a bad version of "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over again. How many of us get stuck by habits and bad choices, and we fall into a rut or pattern that we cannot break free of? Honestly, I think a lot of us do. We just learn how to hide it differently. In last nights blog entry I talked about patterns and filters, and I again stress that all of our lives revolves around patterns. That if we watch a person long enough we can see the pattern and can predict their actions based on that pattern.
I have a friend named Tony that is in Atlanta, he is stuck in a pattern, and is stuck on the streets of Atlanta, and I would do anything to help him get off those streets and help him change his life. Because years ago someone did that for me, helped me see that the self-destructive pattern my life was on and helped me see a different way of doing things and gave me the opportunity to change my life, and so I feel that I should repay that favor by paying it forward. However, I have lost touch with my friend and have been unable to locate him. Surprisingly I have gotten myself into a position where I am going out on my own and I will be in a better spot to help him. I have another friend that I love with all of my heart, but unfortunately he is far away, I have offered to bring him here and help him face the medical needs that he is going to be going through soon. He too is in a rut and a pattern. Unfortunately, even though I know he loves me and cares about me his weighted down with what is happening too him and he has closed himself off from me and his other friends and there is nothing I can do. I am being patient and waiting for him to reach out to me, but it is driving me crazy not hearing from him. But I have to respect and understand what he is going through and since I know what he is facing, all I can do is wait here patiently and offer my support the only way he is allowing me at this point. Both of these friend are in ruts and holding patterns and their life is on "repeat".
As you know I enjoy helping people and I do so by writing about my experiences and those of my friends, to try and help steer others from following in our footsteps and making the same mistakes we have made. I don't judge and I try to be understanding. I understand the power of addiction and I have spent my time fighting it. I know how drugs and alcohol can hold us in the same spot, and we never move forward. So here I am trying to help others recognize those patterns, realize that the drugs and other addictions we face are holding us back and keeping us from progressing and moving forward.
Trust me it isn't easy to get away from them. Addictions can be subtle and tricky things that manipulate us, they hold us back and we don't even realize that time is moving forward. I hope that others can see what I am talking about and maybe realize that they have to do something to make a change so that they can break free of the rut that they are currently in.
I will write more on this subject and talk to you about how to break the cycle and the chains that hold us in our patterns, and how we can recognize when we are actually in a rut or pattern that is holding us still.
But for now, all I want you to do is realize that there are friends of yours and mine that are hopelessly stuck on repeat and we must help them to realize this. We need to offer them the assistance and guidance they need to get their life back on track and break free of those chains that are binding them and keeping them stuck. If we don't reach out and help them who will. Don't wait till it is too late and they are gone from our lives because they have over dosed or been locked up. See them for the victims that they are and like the person from my past that looked beyond the addiction and the sex and really saw the real me and struggle to lift me out of my rut and pattern we need to do the same for others. Don't judge them, be kind and understanding, see the real person, look at their heart and see the potential that is locked within struggling to find a break and get out of their situation and offer them a helping hand, with love.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,