Dare to Do

Each and every one of us have particular dreams and desires.  There is something out there that we would love to be doing, however so few actually ever go out there and strive to make them a reality.  Procrastination comes in many differnt forms, worrying, fear, lack of understanding and knowledge, perfectionism are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head.  These little bity things can be very powerful and keep us locked in to place, and will definitely keep us from achieving our dreams and desires.  Dreams and desires are like a seed, they need the right soil to be planted in, they need the right amount of sunlight and warmth, the appropriate amount of water and care in order to flourish.  Once that seed is planted it needs to be nurtured and taken care of so that it can grow and bear fruit.  It is a process and once we get it down we can apply it over and over again, before long you will be able to cultivate and grow anything.

Trust me when I tell you that none of us knows everything it is truly impossible.  Everything in life is a process in which we must start off at the bottom and work our way up.  No one can come out of school and know everything there is to know about a business, and we all have to start somewhere.  The most successful company owners and CEO's started out at the very bottom and learned their business inside and out. Taking baby steps, learning the things they didn't know or understand, until they gathered the essential knowledge they needed to make it all the way to the top.  Dreams and desires are just like any other form of work, they require action, energy, the appropriate mix of soil, light and nutrients in which to take root and grow. Everything starts out as an idea, it has to take root and grow to fruition. You can't expect to know and understand everything you are going to have to take the necessary steps to teach yourself and learn the things that you need to know to become a success.  Once you get that seed planted and it has taken root and blossomed to the point of bearing fruit, you will soon realized that by applying the same process over and over again you will quickly be able to cultivate anything you set your mind too.

The idea here is that you can't sit around and wait for things to happen for you. Trust me things just don't fall in your lap fully developed, there are actions, energy and steps that need to be taken in order for your dream to transform into a reality.  But, nothing is impossible.  You just have to put in the work, energy, sweat and tears in order for it to become an entity itself.  If you don't apply yourself and work to make it happen it never will.  Every venture whether, dream, desire, goal or business needs to have the required amount of energy and work put in to in order for it to become a living entity.  So I challenge you to get up off of your butts, learn what you need to, take the steps necessary and just do It!  Because if you are just waiting for it to be handed to you and think that you don't have to work for it, guess what it will not happen, nothing will.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Every dream and desire starts out in someone's mind.  To become a viable and living thing the appropriate planning and work must take place before it can even be initiated.  Once you have initiated it, the hard work then begins, because you have to figure out each and every single step that you will have to take in order to achieve the desired result or outcome.  Very similar to a project management work flow.  First comes the planning stage, then the initiation stage, then the development stage, which results in a product(dream, goal, desire) which can then be implemented and used.  From there you have to work to maintain it and  nurture it to keep it growing and adapting to whatever the needs become around it.  See just in like life, dreams are constantly shifting, evolving, growing, changing and need to be just as flexible and adaptable as we are ourselves.  If not they will be short lived and replaced by something new.

Yet, if you never start, how can you possibly make it happen?  You can't, because in life the things that are too good to be true usually are. You can't expect that it will be handed to you and that you won't have to put in any effort, that is totally unrealistic.  Don't worry or be afraid because you don't know how to make everything work, that is part of the growing process, and you will learn the exact things you need in order to achieve the result, just remember those baby steps and keep learning.  Again, none of us knows everything, and we have to learn things all the time to keep up.  So why wouldn't the same thing be true about dreams, desires and wants?  Taking those small steps forward, one at a time, and learning the things we need to along the way are so very important, because that is what is going to make them enduring and long lasting. 

Patience is another crucial ingredient in Daring to Do, because once again you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. You need to understand that those things that are instant are not lasting, what we put our energy into are the things that end up lasting and working over the long haul.  If you expect immediately be successful and long lasting you have to understand the work and process that goes into creating a dream and turning it into a reality.

I know you have all heard of those get rich scams, right?  Guess what the only person getting rich quickly is the individual that thought up the scam in the first place and sold it to you.  They are taking your money and running off, it was their dream and desire to separate you from your money and they figured out a way to do it.  Take their example and figure out how to make your dream a reality and trust that you will end up making the money that you need.

Do it right, take your time, plan out every detail, incorporate the necessary steps, be patient and before long your dream and desire will become a reality.  Take it slow, learn everything you need to know and just Dare to Do.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Positive Affirmations

I know that last summer we talked a great deal about positive thinking, positive energy, and positive living.  We also talked about words and how they have power, they can either build or destroy depending on their usage.  But, as I have found out over this year, these same words of power can have meaning all to themselves and can benefit you in your daily life.  I call these affirmations, these are sayings that you tell yourself over and over again.  You can post them on your mirror, or somewhere where you will see them often, and everytime you do say them aloud.  These are positive tips that will help you, they will also help you maintain and keep your positive mental attitude for the day.

Remember that the more positive you put out in the world the more positive you get back.  Just like everything else in life if you live what you say you are going to go far.  Trust me when I tell you this.  Many self-help teachers and authors will tell you that if you want to be successful you must live and breathe the part, the same is true with keeping a positive mental outlook.  If you want to be positive you must live and be positive, there is no other way.

I have read books that tell you if you want to be a vice president of a company you must dress and act the part.  This is important, the image that you create for yourself is in effect a construct of creative visualization.  If you can imagine yourself in the part, you can manifest it in your life.  The same thing is true by you using affirmations.  If you tell yourself every morning that you are perfect and love yourself, eventually you will.  I have told my friend who has major self-esteem problems that maybe he should get a tatoo around his collarbone that says LOVE THYSELF, but backwards so that each time he looks at himself in the mirror or takes a picture of himself he sees it.  The more you see it and repeat it, the more energy you put into it and before you know it you are manifesting it in your life.

As I have told you before, one way that I prepare myself for the day is I get up every morning and I count my blessings one by one, and then I give thanks that I am able to live another day.  My same friend that I mentioned above does something very similar except he says a prayer.  Basically he thanks God for granting him another day and he says it seven times.  I am not sure what the significance of 7 is to him, but I know that it brings him that much closer to God each and every time he says it.

Affirmations are simple little phrases or sayings that you can post on your walls at work, mirror, monitor or other places that your eyes look every day.  They can be little things like "Smile You are Loved" or "Love thyself" or "Be Happy" or even "Today is a brand new beginning with no mistakes".  Remember the more you say them, the more you begin to believe them and that gives them power.

No one should be able to make your feelings about yourself change. Others shouldn't be able to make you feel any certain way.  Have confidence and self assurance that you know what you are doing and trust me it will show in everything you do.  People respect and appreciate those that are confident and strong.  When you make a decision stick with it.  These are things that will help you grow and mature.

When someone else changes your mood or makes you feel inferior or self conscious you have given them way too much power over you and I beg you to take it back from them.  Because they aren't doing you any good and adding much more stress to your day and your life.  March to your own drum and keep your own goals and desires in the forefront of your mind.  It is the only way to actually live.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Have you heard of the saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true" ?

I am sure you have heard that saying sometime in your life.  I know I sure have, and it is funny that is something my best friend and I were talking about today on the phone.  See, in my believe structure, words have power, and when you say them you put their meaning into action in not only the physical plane of existence but in the spiritual plane as well.  I am a Christian based Wiccan, I teach how both of the religions correlate to one another and how to use the teachings of both to lead not only a fulfilling but also a rewarding life as well.  In the Wiccan religion it is believed that anything you say or do that is of negative consequence will come back on you seven fold.  Now, to understand the law of retribution you might want to think of it in the terms of Karma.  What comes around goes around, as they say.  The law of retribution states that whatever you do to another comes back to you seven times greater than what you did to them.  So you basically have to pay the price seven fold.  This is huge, and people wonder why they have long streaks of bad luck, injury or illness.  It is because of the negative things that we put out into the world.

Eastern philosophy calls this Karma, that the wrongs you do to another, or on the earth or to another creature of the earth come back to you when you least expect it too.  So for example if you were mean to someone in high school, you might not reap the damages you inflicted till years later.  Karma is something that they believe is built up over time and comes back to bite you when it is appropriate.  Well, the law of retribution is very similar, except we believe that whatever you have put out whether good or bad will come back to you, but in different increments.  Negative thoughts and energy comes back seven fold, where positive energy and thoughts come back ten fold.  It can be immediate or gradual in response to whatever you have put out there.

Swami Sivanada sums it up nicely for me "Every wrong action or crime brings its own punishment, in accordance with the law of retribution. The law of causation, the law of action and reaction, the law of compensation and the law of retribution-all these operate together. He who robs another man robs himself. He who hurts another man hurts himself first. He who cheats another cheats himself first. Every wrong action causes punishment first in the inner nature or soul and externally in circumstances in the form of pain, misery, loss, failure, misfortune, disease, etc."  Think of it this way, for every thought or word that you think or utter in anger towards another person is like you are cursing them. You need to take it out of the law of cause and effect, which you can simply do by stating you take it out of the law directly after you speak the words, or think the thoughts.  The best thing to try and do is change the way you think and handle conflict because you never want your own wrath coming back upon yourself. 

Honestly life is too short for you to go around having bad Karma, bad JooJoo or whatever you want to call it.  Because trust me everything comes back on you, and you don't want all of that negativity coming back at you.  Each of us must face the consequences of our actions, decisions, words, and of course what we do to other people.  What I am hoping you will learn is that you can avoid a lot of pain and anguish on yourself if you treat everyone with kindness and love. You might even be pleasantly surprised, that what you get back is going to be much of the same.  See whatever we give out to others, is exactly what we are going to receive back to ourselves.  Keep that in mind the next time you want to loose your temper and swear at someone or tell them that you wish they were dead.  See those exact words have power, and whatever you think and put energy into will become manifest.  In effect you are cursing not only that person but yourself at the same time.  Though you might feel better in the short term, trust and believe that it is going to come back and bite you in the ass sooner or later.  

I have told you many times in the past that if you put forth positive energy you are going to get more positive back, the same goes with love, kindness, generosity and caring.  These are all things that come from the heart and are forms of positive energy. Remember that like attracts like in the spiritual world and what manifest in the spiritual world also manifest in the physical world as well.  In the blog entries I wrote back in April about meditation and creative visualization, I explained a lot of this. I also talked to you about how to ground and center yourself. If you want to protect yourself from other peoples negativity, use visualization.  Visualize yourself being surrounded from head to toe with white light, this will re-enforce the shielding of your body and repel any negativity that is around you.  As the day wears on you might feel that you are being weighed down with negativity and negative energy, when this happens ground yourself.  Which is simply envisioning the suns energy coming down through the top of your head and flowing through your body down to your feet and out into the ground. This will take that negative energy and shunt it to the earth which is our natural ground.

I have even in the past given you examples of how I start my day with a positive mental attitude and how it protects me throughout the day.  It simply a matter of giving thanks for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me during my life. I do this every morning when I get up and meditate. This sets my mental activity for the day. When you are thinking only about the positive things that have happened to you how can anything negative get in to bug you?  Good question huh?  Another thing that I like to do when some issue or problem is weighing on my heart and mind. I like to write about it. I find it cathartic to write, it takes whatever it is and gets it out of my system.  If it is some kind of issue that I need help and resolution on. I take it with me in prayer at night and I lay those problems at the feet of the Lord.  How I accomplish that is I usually write what has been bothering me or whatever the issue or situation is that I need answered and I take that slip of paper once it is written on, pray about it an then fold that paper and put it in a shoe box and leave it there. That is symbolic to me of leaving it at the feet of Jesus, because once it is on that paper and in that box, I forget about it. I know in my heart that the answer is going to come and I am going to have that prayer answered.

When I left Atlanta in February, I created a box, which I called my prayer box when I got to my father's house. I kept it in the closet.  Every time I had an issue or prayer request or had something that I was worrying about I would write it down and I would put it in that box.  I would leave it there and try never to think about it again. When I moved out of my dad's place, my stepmother and I found the box in my things and we sat down and read through each and every slip of paper I had put in the box.  Guess what, over the 8 months that I had lived with them every single one of those prayers was answered.  Something else that I do and it is just my personal preference, I also put my goals and dreams and desires into that box as well. I pray about them of course and sure enough they too were answered and I was greatly impressed at how God had blessed me and favored me with all those answered prayers in such a short time.

Try it out I think you will find that it will work for you the same way.  Now that I am in my new home I am going to prepare a new box and do the same thing.  But I can tell you that already my prayers are being answered one by one.  My best friend in North Carolina made it home safely and started classes, that was a big prayer and worry that was on my mind and like I said I spoke with him tonight and things are starting to turn around for him.  I also spoke with my friend in Ft. Lauderdale this evening and he told me that he has some furniture for me. I need to find a way to get down there and pick it up, but he has a king size bed and a dresser and a sofa for me.  That is right my prayer from over the weekend has already been answered and I have the beginnings of new furniture and a new home all to myself.  Thanks and Glory be to God for that He is really working in my life and making things happen.

The last thing I want to talk to you about is a state of consciousness or enlightenment called Ka'thulu.  This is a thing that I read about a very long time ago it was in a book called White Magic by Marina Medici.  This state of enlightenment is a level that when reached ever single thing that we say comes to pass.  Jesus was in that state, everything He uttered happened, and each of us has the potential to reach that state as well.  I can tell you I have seen it in my own life and in the lives of some of my friends.  Be careful of the words you speak they have power, they have life and can cause great harm or great good depending on how they are used and uttered.

Keep walking the philosophers path with me and you will come to see what I am talking about.  Also keep in mind that whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve.  It is very important to understand that what you visualize will manifest not only on the spiritual plane, but once that seed is planted there it will manifest in the physical world as well.  Visualization and words of power are very powerful and tricky tools that are given to us to use to benefit the world and mankind.  Be careful not to abuse them, and beware of the dangers of unguarded use. Remember whatever we put out there will come back to us.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Trouble comes around when you least expect it.

Today was a busy day for me I ran around trying to get my finances in order because I have a ticket to pay in Atlanta for my little excursion that turned out to be a nightmare.  I had called the court last week and found out that the ticket was going to cost $194.40 for stopping in the road way.  The officer was trying to find drugs in the car but since he couldn't do that he decided to give me a ticket anyway.  Well, I got the money together because when I talked to the court last week they told me that I could pay it via the automated system.  However tonight when I called the automated system it tells me that there are two tickets out there and that I needed to appear in court. So I went online to see if I could pay it via their website and what I found out is that there are two tickets issued one back in 2007 and then one I got in 2012.  Now, the ticket in 2007 is not mine at all. The tag numbers don't match and the "party" field shows unknown.  This is very frustrating for me because I finally got all my ducks in a row so that I could take care of this and get myself ahead of the game.

Keep in mind that when I got a hold of the clerk of the court in Atlanta, I was told that I specifically had to pay the ticket before my court date or they would suspend my license. I explained that I didn't live there and that there was no way that I could appear in court and I was trying to get an extension, she told me that I needed to write a letter to the judge asking for a reset of the court date because I couldn't appear.  Now, I am not sure what I am supposed to do at this point, because even if I left now I would be stretching my finances so thin that I probably would end up getting stranded up there again. I cannot afford to have that happen, the last time I went up there I got stranded and my health suffered and I ended up in the hospital 4 times total. Honestly, I can't and don't want to go through all of that again.  Even though a part of me would like to go up there and try and find my friend Tony, but I don't even have a clue where to look for him at the moment and I am not sure he would even come back with me if I did find him.

Besides which I have an appointment with the doctors tomorrow to discuss the referrals I need to see the GI specialist and neurologist.  It seems that I am having a residual problem with my left leg from the drain that they removed from my back a week ago, when they went in and drained the cyst that had formed.  I knew that Saturday when he pulled the drain out that he had hurt the nerve. I was told that it would bother me for a short period of time, but the pain has gotten a lot worse today. I am thinking that it is because of the weather.  See I have had problems all my life when the barometric pressure drops because I had a fractured skull when I was born.  Then when I was going through chemotherapy in the 90's they infiltrated the vein and the tissue on my right arm got damaged.  It would turn black when the storms would come and I would get terrible migraines.  Today a storm rolled in and my leg started hurting and my arm was sore as well, and on top of that I had a terrible migraine that lasted the whole day.

I wasn't prepared for having all of the pain on top of all the drama that has ensued.  I even went by work today to pick up the check that they owed me for the deposit I paid to stay in the hotel that my company manages. I didn't stay there at all because last Friday they told me that I would have to pay a $200.00 deposit and I didn't have the extra money to come up with that.  That was drama filled as well because just earlier on Friday I was told that I wouldn't have to pay a deposit because I worked for the company.  I guess they knew that they were going to fire me on Friday, because the deal was there would be no deposit as long as I worked for them.  In hindsight I guess I should have figured it out, but I was so excited about finally finding a place of my own that I could afford, and a person who was willing to work with me and knows my situation.  

I have come to expect that when good things happen in my life they are always tempered with bad things.  See this past weekend was so filled with blessings and good things that I should have known that bad things were just around the corner.  However, there is no warning when bad things are looming.  The good thing is this we are promised that we will never be given more than we can bear, God knows what our limitations are and will ensure that we have the strength to endure. Remember that every time a problem or crisis hits us there is a lesson somewhere in there to be learned. I want you to keep in mind that each of has our own trials and crisis's that we have bear it is how we rise up and deal with each of them that defines us and gives us the strength for the next one that is coming.  Just like land storms come and go, they rage and blow, cause damage, but they always move on they never last forever.  Problems are the same way.  Remember that no problems is ever as permanent as the solution. How you look at the issue or situation also plays a major role in how long it will endure.  I have told you over and over again that perception plays a vital part, and if we over analyze a situation too much we have a tendency to make it form a molehill into a mountain.  Once it becomes a mountain, we fret and worry that there will be no way to surmount it. I am here to tell you that you can and will make it to the summit and down the other side.  Keep on keeping on.

Have faith that when a storm of problems arise that there is something that you are supposed to be looking for a hidden lesson that you need to learn and grow from.  This will keep you from dwelling on the actual event and keep your eyes looking forward, and your momentum will be steady.  Before you know it you will have sailed right through to the other side of the issue and it has been resolved.  I was talking to my best friend last night and was telling him this exact same thing.  Nothing can hold us back if we just keep focus on the situations surroundings and deal with the issues as they arise.  I call this plodding along, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will have made it through that issue or crisis and will be heading toward the next one.  On Facebook I posted "It appears that I have entered the storm...Wonder what new direction God has planned for me now. A new adventure and journey lie beyond the storm. I can see a break in the clouds, ready boys weigh anchor, set sail and let's go...I am ready for this change."  I am confident that I am going to get through this time. I can see a break in the clouds and I know that there is sun and warmth on the horizon.

As I have told you before we never know when trouble is going to pop up, we actually are given very little warning. The reason for this is that everything we have been through in the past is supposed to prepare us for what is coming next.  Yet, there are times when something we have never experienced or encountered before creeps up on us and we are taken totally by surprise.  We honestly have no idea how to approach or handle the situation.  I believe this is the time when God will send us a person we need that will help us manage the problem.  See I believe that every person that is brought into your life is there for a reason, some of the time we encounter someone who can teach us something that we don't know about ourselves or life.  Other times there is someone that is brought into our lives because we are meant to teach them something.  Whatever the case maybe keep your eyes and ears open, your help is already there and you just don't even know it yet.  We are never thrown totally into a situation unprepared or where a way out hasn't been provided us.  We just have to look around and change our perspective to see the answer and the solution or to find the one that was there to be our support through the problem.

Like I said everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are there for their allotted time before they move on.  There is a third type of person that comes into our lives that may always be there. They are our confidants, our best friends, they can be our teacher sometimes, they can be our student sometimes as well, but they are always there as an ear to talk to a person to depend on and a shoulder to rest upon. These are the most precious of people in our lives and they form a very unique support network. They are going to be there with you through thick and thin and will always have your back.  They are the ones you can trust and count on when everyone else has failed you. These are the ones that you must take care of and be sure that you nurture and tend to that friendship they are rare indeed.

As for my problems, they are minor, I know that I will make it through them with only a little of muss and fuss. I know that there has been some kind of mistake on the court's side in Atlanta and in the morning I will get it taken care of.  As far as the job is concerned I will do whatever it is that I have to do to make it all work out. Nothing is impossible in this world if we only strive for perfection one day at a time.  Keep that in mind and take it with you.  You will see that what I am saying is the truth.  But as I get ready to close this out I want to leave you with one thing more. I know I mentioned what seems like ages ago, but Salt n Pepa told us in a song, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve".  With that I am going to say good night.  Remember positive thoughts bring positive energy. Keep your chin up because this too shall pass! Like it always does and you are going to be that much stronger for it.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Can a lone desire make a person change their sexual preference?

In my life I have had 2 different men tell me that they were changing their sexual preference from gay to straight and I often wonder if that is really and truly possible.  If we go back to my earlier blog entry on my thoughts on bisexuality, I would say that it is possible however I don't think it is actually probable.  I think that at some point in the future old desires and feelings are going to come back to the foreground and trouble is going to brew.  As I stated in my earlier article I feel that we all start out as bisexual and that it is our associations and the associations we form that pull us in one direction or another.  If a person has lived their life bonding and feeling closer to men, they tend to become aligned with being gay. In other words the kinship and relationships they feel most comfortable with is with men there fore they tend to be homosexual.  The reverse is also true. However, why do you think that gay men have more straight girlfriends than their heterosexual counterparts? That one is easier to explain, because men that tend to bond and form relationships with other men feel a connection to their feminine side and have a natural affinity toward females.  Females are not threatened by their gay counterparts and can form close binding friendships with gay men because they have a common interest.

So my question is this, if a gay man finds themselves wanting children and a normal life can they revert back through the years of their lifestyle and become heterosexual?  In most cases I don't actually believe that is possible.  See I believe that we are the culmination of the events and choices that we have made in our lives. I also feel that each experience that we have molds us and forms a pattern that we become used to. It maybe possible for a person to bury their true feelings and nature for a while, but in the long run the urges and itches are going to once again surface.  When that happens lives get shattered and feelings get hurt and there is a sense of betrayal on at least one of the parties concerned.  I have known older men that have lived their lives as heterosexual men that play with other men without their spouses being aware of their true nature and their desires.  I have also seen some of those men at a later age in life come clean about their sexuality and how it disrupts their families and hurts the ones they love and care about.  How do you think you would feel if you were married to someone for 20 years only to find out that they secretly had feelings for someone of the same sex and that there was nothing you could do to compete.

Now, also imagine if after 20 years you have children that are involved. How do you think they would feel finding out that one of their parents wasn't who they thought they were? Believe me their world would be turned upside down and there would be a lot of pain and confusion. Eventually as time goes on I believe that hurt would lessen and love and feelings would eventually come back.  But, realize this, the damage has been done and only time and distance will make those hurts fade.  Again my question is it actually possible for a person to go against the pattern that they have been living and totally change?  I think that maybe it could be if the desire was strong enough, and that they were never truly comfortable with the choices they have made in the past. However, I do honestly believe that we are creatures of habit and that our lives revolve in patterns, and once a pattern has been ingrained for years on end, I don't honestly believe that a conscious change will hold up and keep for the long haul.  I honestly think as I said earlier that those feelings and the old patterns will reemerge at a later point.

It is important for you to understand that you have to be totally honest with yourself and your feelings. If you have a strong desire to have a child there are ways you can accomplish that without trying to rewrite and change your whole history.  As a friend of mine is finding out, most people don't believe that he has changed and that over time he will revert back to his old ways.  Personally my feelings on this are as I stated above, I believe that under certain circumstances a change can be made, but I am not 100 percent convinced that the change will be permanent.  I am reminded of a movie I once saw where a bisexual guy dated a gay man for awhile.  The bisexual went on to marry a woman, however years later that same man came back to his old gay partner and found that what he was really looking for was there all along, that he didn't really fit in to either lifestyle and the closest he could find to what he was looking for was the gay man and his son.  In some of us the desire to have a child is so strong that we go to extremes to have one, and in the long run end up running the risk of ourselves not being happy, and having to live a lie that we are not entirely comfortable with.  I am here to tell you that there are ways around this misconception and no one has to get hurt.  The truth of the matter is like in all things in life you have to start with yourself and be completely honest with yourself and how you are feeling.  You have to look inward and truly search your heart and desires and see what it is that you really want and how comfortable you feel.

If you have always found yourself attracted to men, and have had relationships with them in the past, I am not sure you are going to be happy trying to change your sexuality just because you want to have a child or you think that it will make your family and friends happy.  What you have to do is live for yourself and make yourself happy. See I know for a fact only you have your own best interest at heart and that only you can make yourself happy all of the time, but you have to be honest with yourself and completely receptive to the feelings that you keep bottled up inside of yourself.  As I have told you in previous entries there is still a part of me that is attracted to women, however, I find that I have an easier time bonding with and associating with men. Therefore I know that I am gay.  I feel comfortable in gay relationships, however I see the attraction and acceptance one would feel if they could find themselves accepted as normal and straight in today's society. I also know the desire to have a child and I know that with my health and other conditions that it will probably never happen unless I adopt or chose someone else's child to raise as my own.

But I guess I have been hitting all around my question and I have given a wishy-washy answer. Can a person change their sexuality and live with it and not end up reverting back at some point in the future?  Honestly, I don't know for sure. I know that my first lover is married now and she knows about his past and has accepted him for it.  I know she also knows about me and the feelings that we once had for each other. I also know that he broke off all ties and communication with me years ago because he didn't think his wife would understand his communicating with an ex that he had a long term relationship with.  I can't say that I blame him for that one.  But what do I know of his exploits from that point? I can honestly say nothing.  My friend that is going through this now, is at the beginning and I am not sure what his true feelings are a this point because I haven't really had a chance to talk to him in depth about his decision and the motivations behind it.

What I do know is that no matter the outcome of either of their relationships, I am still their friend and always will be. When I tell someone I am their friend I am their friend till the end with no questions asked.  See to me it doesn't matter about your orientation or preferences, you are still the person I knew and loved and offered my hand too in friendship and nothing is going to change that.  You cannot take away all of our experiences together nor can you deny all the interactions we have experienced as friends.

So in the long run do I care if someone is gay or straight or bisexual?  No, it matters little to me.  See it is the person that I am friends with and if I am truly your friend I accept you for you, who you were when I met you and the person you are going to become.  I accept you fully, that means the good the bad and the indifferent.  See I have found that the human heart has a great capacity for love. The is no limit to the number of people we can love, our hearts are as big as our brains and if you truly accept a person and are their friend you are going to accept them unconditionally and totally.  You are going to be supportive and help them carry out their goals and plans. You are going to stand by them and offer them words of encouragement and advice on each and every situation they find themselves in.  A friendship is a type of relationship that is built as much on trust and communication as it is on love and understanding. There is a reason why you and your friends always seem to get over the fights and work through the tough times and remain friends.  That is because of love and the heart and energy you put into those friendships.

Will my friend be successful in his heterosexual journey, I am not sure or convinced at this point, but I will tell you what, it is my responsibility to support his decision and offer him the advice and guidance I can to help him reach the goal he has set for himself at this point. Whether he makes it and keeps living it, is up to him. But I will be there for him no matter the outcome.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Tragedy in 3 acts makes for an inspirational person

I have been told that my life has been full of blessings and that I am a true inspiration.  I agree that I live a very blessed life, but it is because there are hundreds of people keeping me in their thoughts and prayers.  I have been approached recently to write a book about my story, and since you are my friends and family, I thought I would share with you what it is going to be about.  Now, keep in mind that this is just a taste of what the book is going to contain, so be patient and understanding that you are getting a condensed version and be honored you are getting the first peak.

The title of this entry says it all I have broken my life down into 3 acts or parts, it is from each of these tragedies and triumphs that have shaped and molded me and my outlook on things.  It is important I guess to start at the beginning and work my way through each portion of my life and key events that make up the story and the act. So without any more delay we shall begin.

I was born on December 1, 1968 I was a month earlier so I have been told, my mother never made it to the maternity ward before I decided enough was enough and came bursting forth.  The delivery started in the elevator on the way to the delivery room.  I had started to come fast so they rushed my mom into delivery choosing not to have me drop out on the elevator floor.  Unfortunately, the doctor used forceps to deliver me, even though earlier in the year they had been banned as delivery tools.  As I said I was in a hurry to go no where, the forceps were used and my skull was fractured.  I made no sound when I came into the world and I was blue from head to toe.  I am told that my mother never got to see me, I was taken directly to an incubator, and was deemed in critical condition.  I was never meant to leave that hospital, but God had other plans.  Plans that are still unfolding in my life today.

My parents were told that I was under weight and with the fractured skull I was going to be a vegetable and if by some miracle I wasn't I was going to have severe brain damage and would never be a normal kid.  Surprise surprise, God had other plans, because here I a 43 years later writing to you.  I shouldn't be able to walk or talk, let alone write and communicate like I do.  But God works in mysterious ways and I am here to tell you my story.  By the age of five it had become evident that there were no impairments and that I was highly intelligent if a little hyperactive.  End of act one!

The second tragedy came when I was 14 years old, I was experiencing severe headaches, blurred vision and having trouble focusing on objects.  The doctors told my parents that the muscles that surround the lenses of my eyes were weak and that was causing the vision issues I was having.  But that wasn't the end of it.  While I was at school playing with some friends I got poked in the eye with a tree branch.  Again the doctors were full of doom and gloom and by the age of 18 I was supposed to be totally blind.  They covered my right eye with a patch to protect it put me in bifocal glasses and told my parents to hope for the best.  Blood filled the injured eye and started showing around the socket of the left eye.  So for a period of 4 months I was patched on both eyes and wasn't able to see anything.  A neat thing about the body is that it compensates for stuff like that and my hearing became very sensitive and acute I can here a whisper all away across the house.  I also learned how to sit in a crowd and listen to everyone's conversations and never move and could identify just by sound who was talking and somehow my mind has developed the ability to process each conversation and follow along all in real time.  By the time I was 16 a miracle of miracles happened, my headaches started to subside and it was discovered that the cause of them was never my eye site which improved after the injury to the point I no longer had to wear bifocals just regular glasses.  Yet somehow my hearing never returned to normal. I still can hear the lightest sounds.  It turns out that the headaches were a direct result of the fractured skull and when the barometric pressure changes the headaches begin.  Unfortunately, I still suffer from that today.  But I got super hearing out of the deal.  End of act two!

I was diagnosed with leukemia and large cell lymphoma when I turned 24 ('92), they found a metastasized tumor in my colon 8" long x 5" wide. It had serrated edges and had ulcerated in the middle.  I underwent 2 years of chemotherapy and radiation and the tumor was eradicated.  However, during my last round of radiation, the bowel wall perforated and waste and radiation poured into my pelvic area.  I got really sick with toxaplasmosis and stayed in the hospital for almost 9 months trying to get better.  It wasn't until 13 years later ('05) that I would find out what that radiation was doing to my body.  Apparently large sections of my colon died from radiation disease and poisoning and there were several small sections of the small intestine affected as well.  In 2005, I was given a colostomy, a bag that helps me to take a dump, sorry for being so graphic.  I have had 9 major surgeries since then, found out that my kidney's were failing, that I had contracted HIV an HEP C, that my gallbladder, bladder, pancreas and stomach were all affected by the radiation and that they are slowly giving out.  Then on March 5th of this year my colon ruptured in 2 places and I almost died again.  When this happened I couldn't get anyone to listen to me, they kept telling me that the pain I was feeling was from the procedure I had done in the morning. Now in my life I have had a million colonoscopy's if I have had one.  So I knew that they were wrong in what they were saying.  Finally a nurse that no one seems to know who has never worked on that floor and has never been seen again, intervened with the doctor and got a cat scan of my abdomen and the ruptures were discovered.  I have tried to find this woman again, I wanted to nominate her for the angel service award they give at the hospital and no one knows who she was.

I believe that God has walked with me through all this, he has carried me when I was too weak to move, and He delivered me from the hands of death just when it looked like I was going to die.  After everything that I have been through and there is so much more that I haven't told you.  I hope you can begin to see why I don't let the small things get to me, and I always try to look at the bright side of things.  Because life is too short, we are not promised a new tomorrow and we need to be thankful for each day that we can draw another breathe.  I don't think I am all that inspirational, but I have been told that my strength and faith that keep me fighting are remarkable and inspire others to have hope and faith that they too can make it through the tough, hard and tragic times of their own lives.

I hope that maybe I have inspired just one person, have given hope to one person, and always can live my life as an example that you can overcome illness.  That there is life after, HIV and cancer and you can still be a productive and supportive person and help others.

Let me know what you think.  This is my real story, and I would love to know if you think that I should take up the offer to write a book about my experiences and if you think anyone will benefit from it.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Immortality, symbolic isn't it?

I have been playing around with the thought of immortality lately.  Ponce De Leon went in search of the fountain of youth, he wanted to live forever. He never found it but in a way he achieved what he was looking for.  Immortality, his name is going to live on in history for his adventure and his discoveries.  Though he was looking for a way to fend off Death, it inevitably came to claim him and he passed from our existence into the next.  Movie stars, actors and actresses, writers, singers, politicians all in their own way become immortalized. It doesn't mean that they are still alive and with us. As a matter of fact many have passed on already, but their likeness or art is with us still.  Whether locked in the written prose of words, that makes up a novel or book, or captured on celluloid which is film stock a part of them lives on in the world.  I know this isn't what people mean by living forever, but it is a form of immortality.  As long as someone somewhere remembers them, they are still with us.

Most people don't even realize that the life they are living is taking them on the path to immortality and living beyond their own lifetime.  Some don't even get recognized for their efforts until after they have passed from the mortal life, yet some type of record of their life remains.  Anne Frank was a young jewish girl whose diary has made her immortal and someone remembered in our world.  Who is to say that your life is not important?  Who can tell you that what you are doing today will not have an impact on the future that is yet to come?  None of know, because life is but a fleeting thing.  Our lives in the cosmic scale are but small blink of the eye in universal terms.

Some people go out and search for fame and fortune, others seem to be born into it.  Where we all fit in is a great mystery. What makes one person successful and another not so successful? It isn't the lack of trying or motivation.  It seems almost prearranged somehow.  If you are not born here and into this family, you are just going to be an average joe.  However, history is filled with average joe's who have made a difference and have ensured their own place of immortality.  We know and are taught that no one person is better than another, that we all enter the world the same way and leave it too.  What happens in between and the paths we choose are what divines us and gives us worth and character.  It seems so very strange to be talking about this and trying to grasp and comprehend the meaning of it all.  But one thing keeps coming to mind as I think about this.  The human body is just an elaborate machine that is run by a highly sophisticated super computer, the brain.  The body wears out over time and get tired and run down. However what runs the body is energy.

From physics we know that energy cannot be destroyed, it can only be manipulated and changed.  Therefore, I believe that there is something more to life after this shell of a body gives out. Because if energy cannot be destroyed, then the energy of the body is what gives us life, and since it cannot be destroyed it must go somewhere or be transmuted into another form.  Hence the theory of reincarnation  has come to be.  Reincarnation is the belief that when this body dies the spirit of the person is reborn into another form or person.  Meaning that the energy that is used to power this body finds a new host or place to live in and life continues in a ever widening circle.

Each of us has the potential to live forever, it is all up to us. How we live our life's and who is left behind to remember us.  Immortality doesn't mean that you are going to personally live forever, just some aspect of you will continue to exist in those that remember you.  Keep that in mind the next time you meet someone new.  You never know who meeting that person is going to affect your future and how well you are remembered by those you leave behind you.

Just something to think about and something I have been pondering on. I look forward to your comments and feedback.  Lets talk about some of the topics I write about and get a discussion and dialog going.  I hope you will join my blog and become a part of my ever increasing readership.  I want to encourage you to take the time to reach out and talk to me.  I want to hear from you.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

What is Mediation, and how can you benefit from it?

First, let me take a minute to say Thank You for coming this far with me on this little journey toward enlightenment and self-awareness.  This is the last blog entry in this current series.  There will be other to come in the future I am sure.  So take the time to join my blog and follow the entries as they unfold.  I am attempting to build my audience and would love to have you be a part of my community.

In this entry we are going to talk about meditation and it's possible benefits that you can get out of utilizing meditation in your daily life.  So, let's start this off right by first telling you that Mediation is derived from the word meditate.  According to Webster's Pocket Dictionary and Thesaurus defines meditate as: "to be in continuous contemplative thought; to think about doing some thing."  There are many schools of thought on meditation; some believe that meditation opens the mind to a higher form of consciousness, others claim it is just the stilling of ones mind to allow exploration of the subconscious, still others say that it is the key to ultimate knowledge and enlightenment, there are so many different opinions that it would be impossible to list them all in this blog.

It is my own opinion that maybe every single one of them are right in some way shape or fashion.  No matter what your religious beliefs are or what school of thought you identify with, it will not change what meditation is and how it can help you.  Personally I like to think of it as prayer and a form of inner evaluation, a form of self-reflection and a tool to help us divorce ourselves from the physical world and glimpse and sometimes enter the spiritual realm.  I have studied many of the worlds religions, and have practiced some of them from time to time.  Each religion teaches and embrace mediation.  In Christianity it is in the form of prayer, in Hinduism it is in the form of lighting candles and incense and assuming the lotus position, and so on and so forth.  Each time I have tried to learn the religious aspects of meditation I found it confusing , hard to accomplish and at times elusive.  The reason why this happened is because the simple concept of self-realization and inner focus was incorporated into the religious culture and dogma and became wrapped up and cloaked in religious tradition.

The concept of meditation is very simple.  It is the stilling of ones mind and allowing the conscious thought to relax control over the body and surrenders control to the subconscious, it is almost like the rational mind (conscious) falls into a light slumber where you can still think and remember what is happening.  Once you have stilled your mind your body relaxes, your respiration and breathing slows as well as your heartbeat.  As you enter this state the subconscious is able to focus your mind on issues or thought abstracts that your waking or rational mind has not been able to work out or deal with.  Thus allowing you to have deeper thoughts, explore the inner recesses of your mind.  Further, when you reflect inward and review your life, you can see and understand things that have been bothering you and you had no idea why.  As you think these deeper thought you are opened up to a greater understanding and spiritual awareness and awakening is able to enter into your body.  Dreams they say is how the subconscious mind works out problems and issues that your conscious mind is either unaware of or are too complex for total understanding.  It is through mediation that we are able to view these issues and allow the subconscious to work on the issues without the constraint of the rational mind holding you back.

As you meditate and your mind calms, you will be able to focus your will reduce your stress, contemplate and understand complex abstracts.  As your mind stills and your body relaxes your subconscious takes control, now remember that the body's autonomic nervous system is control by the subconscious mind.  So when I talk about how you can benefit from mediation, you receive improved and efficient respiration, breathing is normalized, stress is reduced and blood pressure drops, basically your body's natural health is improved and becomes more efficient. Meditation is definitely a tool you will want to use on your journey of self-discovery and spiritual enlightenment.  Another benefit of letting the rational mind relax your subconscious becomes open and receptive to abstract thoughts and spiritual energy. You are able to glimpse and possibly at times enter into the spiritual realm and gain better insight into yourself and those around you.

I find myself mediating at various different times and because it has become second nature too me I seem to slip in and out of it with out sometimes even realizing that I am doing it.  I also have a dedicated time when I meditate, I like to meditate when I am grounding and centering, I find that it helps me align my bodies energy field and focus my will to a singularity of purpose.  Feel free to mediate whenever you want and as often as you would like. It will become second nature to you as well and you will be amazed at some of the thought you will begin to think and understand.  I also like to mediate when I write, for some examples of this look at my blog entries on vision 20/20 and happiness, and time..I think you will begin to see what I mean by abstract thoughts can be analyzed and your how your knowledge and understanding of them improves.

Take some time just like I described in the last entry on grounding where you can be alone and uninterrupted for a period of time, close your eyes, relax your mind and let your body relax as well.  Just let your mind go and follow where it leads, look into your self, and be honest with yourself and you will see what I mean about becoming open and receptive.  That is all there is too mediation.  Pretty simple right!  Keep in mind that using meditation with ground will help keep your body in balance and strengthen your inner focus and sharpens you will to a point of singular purpose.  Your body will benefit from renewed health, vitality and become more efficient in handling negative energy and help you to live in a positive state of being.

This series has been about that allowing us to have to tools needed to reflect inward, begin a journey of self-awareness and self-discovery and spiritual enlightenment.  It was also about using our unconscious(subconscious) mind to view and pick up on abstract thoughts and take those inner issues that our rational mind cannot handle and working to resolve them.  It allows us to be open and receptive to change and allows us to understand ourselves and those around us.

Learn from mediation, use it and see how great you will feel.  Again you have nothing to loose by trying it and you have so much to gain from it.  It is a win-win situation all the way around.  As always I look forward to hearing from you and I appreciate your feedback and comments. Tell me what you think and how you feel on this or any other subject I have written about.  You can contact me directly through the blog, or write to me on facebook at www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or via email at bryanzepp@gmail.com.

All my hopes and dreams are with you

Uncle B

What is Grounding and how can it help you?

This is the second entry on embarking on the path toward spiritual enlightenment and personal growth, with the aim to helping you fulfill your goals, dreams and desires.  The first entry was about Creative Visualization and if you haven't had a chance to read it, not to worry, you can and will still benefit from reading this one.  This entry is on Grounding and how it can benefit you in your daily life.

Even if you do not embrace spiritualism or visualization, grounding will still benefit and enrich every aspect of your daily life.  Let's begin!  First, you might ask yourself, "what does he mean when he says grounding? Does that have something to do with the ground?" Simply, yes it does! Grounding is the act of putting something in or applying it to the ground.  Now, according to Websters Pocket Dictionary ground is defined as: "the surface of the earth; soil, sand, and other natural materials at or near the earth's surface; the connecting of electric current to the earth through a conductor."  In some ways we are going to deal with both parts of the mentioned definition.  In Spiritual and metaphysical terms when we speak of grounding,we are speaking of grounding out the negative energy, stress, pain or other harmful emotions from our bodies and mind and sending it into the ground or earth.

In a limited way our body does this automatically when we rest.  However, have you ever had a really bad day where everything went wrong and nothing you tried to do was accomplished ever went right, you were so stressed out that you wanted to cry or scream; your head felt like it was going to explode and the least little thing caused you to snap and lash out at everyone around you? Of course you have! We all have been there and done that or been on the receiving side of the equation.    On days like this you probably ended up with a headache, heartburn, acid indigestion, felt anger and when you tried to relax and rest, your mind probably was racing and so full of thoughts that it was impossible.  Then being wiped out and totally exhausted you try to climb into bed and get some sleep, but you end up tossing and turning, you mind is going a million miles a minute and sleep is long in coming and when you finally do succumb to sleep it is light and fitful and when you wake you are still exhausted and feel spent, and it is a new day, uggh, so what are you to do...you really can't go back to bed things have to get done and you are the only one who can do them.

This is where learning and utilizing grounding comes in. By using grounding you can flush all of the stress, harmful emotions, restlessness, anger and can calm your mind and achieve that so sought after rest and respite from the world around you.  You will be able to finally get to sleep at night getting the rest your body needs and will wake up feeling renewed and refreshed. It isn't as hard as you might think and like I said earlier it is something that our body does in a limited fashion all on its own.  So when you learn how to ground properly it will become second nature and almost automatic.

Grounding is a natural phenomenon and follows the laws of nature and physical science.  Current (energy) in nature flows from positive to negative following the path of least resistance to reach ground.  This is an immutable fact and can be demonstrated in the following example using a electricity, a cord, a lamp with switch and a light bulb.  Electricity is the energy or current that we are going to apply to the cord to the lamp, when the switch is thrown, a circuit is completed and the current flows through the wire up the lamp through the bulb across the filament where light is created by the heat of the current flowing through the resistance of the filament as it rushes back down the lamp through the cord seeking ground.

In terms of spiritual grounding or the ground of ourselves, the mind is the switch, the body is the conductor and ground is the ground.  But what of the energy where does it come from, it is an external force or pressure, it can be stress, and it definitely comes from everything around us, the world at large.  It impacts us and hits us all day everyday and if we don't ground completely and thoroughly it will cause problems. You can think of the outside energy force as stress, grief, turmoil, pain or any other strong emotion that you and your body are subjected to throughout your day.  Just a little bit ago I explained to you the law which energy follows that it flows from negative to positive following the path of least resistance always seeking ground.  The earth being a big solid mass it can absorb and dissipate immense quantities of energy and is our natural ground.  You must bear in mind that energy is subject to all physical laws include that of relativity which simply states that energy can be created, manipulated, changed but it cannot be destroyed.  Energy therefore always seeks to ground and yearns to be dissipated otherwise it goes on and on for ever and always.

Therefore, unless we ground it out of our body, we begin to fill up with negative energy and negativity because energy flow from negative to positive always seeking ground if it cannot reach ground because we are not open then it has to build up, just like with our switch it doesn't light until the switch is thrown and the circuit is completed and the energy is able to pass through the bulb and return to ground. This negative energy builds up within our body and is harmful and throws us into imbalance, which can lead to illness, depression and other ailments that could possibly be avoided.  It does even further than this, it also reacts with our own inner energy field and an electrical current that travels through our central nervous system.  As the energy of the outside interacts with our internal energy field something unique occurs, the energy begins to transcend the laws of nature and physic and starts acting in contrary ways.  The reason why this happens is our inner energy field is spiritual energy or life-force, it interacts with our brain and other planes of existence it is also a perfect and closed circuit constantly flowing through our bodies and allowing us to function, with the interaction with the outside energy a conversion takes place between both energies, resulting in spiritual energy.  Now in our physical reality opposites attract, negative attracts positive, and that is how the current or energy is transferred, when the energy converts from physical to spiritual energy within our bodies that law no longer applies because in the spiritual realm likes attract and opposites repel, the total flip of our natural law.  Now, can you see what is happening our bodies are becoming loaded down with negative energy and as the conversion is taking place, we are drawing more negative into our lives.  This is the reason why grounding for us becomes so important.  We want to shunt that negative energy or negativity into the ground or the earth and get it out of our body and our mind.

When we are filled with the negative, more negative comes, our inner energy field begins to get corrupted and our body is unable to defend itself properly, we become overwhelmed and burdened and then physical problems begin to manifest themselves through illness, depression, bad moods, and the cycle becomes cyclical because our bodies are a complete circuit and we keep recycling that negative energy through our entire body.  This in turn begins to draw even more negativity into our lives which then begins to change our environment, leaking into our interactions and dealings with others.  Every thing around us begins to suffer just as our body suffers, you will begin to see everything withering, fleeing or dying just because it is near us. Now I am talking about everything, friends, health, relationships, our luck, wealth, everything. Negativity is something that can and will destroy us from the inside out.  Like I explained it becomes cyclical, meaning it goes around and around never changing unless we ground it out.  As the negative continues to build  we open ourselves up to depression and a myriad of other illnesses both physical and mental that can and will keep us stationary and prevent us from moving forward or backward for that matter, we get stuck in a rut and cannot break free. It becomes so easy for us to fall into despair and surrender to our lot in life and become accepting of all the rotten things that befall us.  We get used to it and we wallow in it.

But I am here to tell you that there is a way through this, there is a way to regain the balance in your life, to lift the veil of despair and depression and fight back and that is use and live with grounding. Grounding is a way for us to rid ourselves of this negative and replace it with positive.  It allows us to become healthier and gives our mind and body the opportunity to rest and heal and recuperate more efficiently.  In the next entry I will start explaining the techniques for ground in a way that will be easy for you to follow.  Thus allowing you to be healthier, happier, it will open you up to being receptive of love, wealth, and the blessings you truly deserve.

So, What is Grounding and what can it do for you? It is the shunting of the negative energy that your body is continually accumulating and making it go to ground.  What it will do for you? It will make you feel better, give you more energy and strength, allow you to pull more positive energy into your life to replace the negative and when you are constantly operating in the positive, you will be open to a whole new world.  Opportunities will come, stress will be reduced, you will be able to sleep more soundly and your body will get the rest it needs and will be able to heal and repair itself more efficiently; your mind will be quieter, clearer, and able to focus better.

So please join me for the next entry as we go through the techniques to accomplish this.  As always, I welcome your feedback and your comments, I am here for you and will answer any questions you might have.  Write to me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or bryanzepp@gmail.com.  If you enjoy what you have read please follow my blog , become a follower please. I am trying to build up my audience and I want you to be a part of my community.

All my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Does Music Speak to You?

At times in your life does an artist or album reach out and grab you?  Does the music speak to you in away that most of the songs on the album seem directed toward you or the situation that you are going through?  Maybe I am just peculiar, but it seems that at every period of my life where there has been great change that there has been an artist and a particular album that they have released that has reached out and spoken directly to me.  Every song on the album touches me and describes what I am feeling and going through at the time.

I have been asked over and over again how do I maintain such a positive attitude when I am going through so much, and I honestly think that the music that touches me helps me through these crisis times.  These songs describe the whole situation that I am going through and the people around me.  Then it is up to me, to take and process the songs and through inner reflection evaluate my situation and decide what I need to do to make a change.  I am thankful for these artists that influence my life and give me their words of advice that speaks to me through their songs.

Having been a music writer in a previous incarnation of my life, I understand that most of these artists are writing from personal experiences and that is why the music is infused with so much energy and intensity.  But what amazes me is that these artists have gone through or are going through something in their life that is so similar to what I am going through at the time that their music reaches out to me and grabs me.

I would like to give you some examples:  I used to live in Atlanta, and I was with a person there for a long long time. We had 2 houses together, several companies, two dogs, two cars, a cat and a lot of mutual friends.  Now, not trying to sound like I am pointing the finger at anyone but when the relationship ended it got into a very dirty state, both of us were trying to outdo the other and I believe we were trying to see how badly we could hurt one another. Now, that is not a healthy place to be, and a lot of damage was done and probably can never be healed properly.  This is a very sad event to have happened because the other person was very caring and loving and didn't deserve any of this. However, like I said I am not placing blame here we were both at fault. However, while I was going through this situation, I was constantly seeking refuge in Hilary Duff's Dignity Album.  Every single song on that album described the way I was feeling starting with the very first song on the album entitled "Stranger".  The song actually talks about how she was living with a stranger and that when they were alone that she couldn't recognize him anymore and that there was no love left in his eyes.  From that album I was able to process and address through the lyrics and singing of these songs the anger, hurt, disappointment and all the other emotions that go with ending of love and a relationship.

Another example would be Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album.  I am actually listening to it now as I write this entry. This album has so many songs that are speaking to me and helping me deal with my current situation.  What a lot of you do not know is that I have been diagnosed with a whole host of medical problems and that is on top of having my life fall out from under me when I was in Atlanta last year.  I got sick again in October of 2011, had kidney stones, found out that I had end stage reneal failure and then on top of that I was evicted from my apartment and I lost everything I owned, I had two dogs that were taken from me and put to sleep, and my car was stolen, I ended up on the street and heavy into drugs till February.  Now I have come home, I am rebuilding my life and getting my feet back under me. This album has given me the strength to move forward, to accept the fact that once again I am starting over.  Songs like Katy Perry's
"Who am I living for?" give me the strength to know that I am marching down the right path that I was meant too.  I know that if I wouldn't have taken the steps and made the decisions that I have had made during the winter in Atlanta I would be dead right now.  But I am here and I am okay and I am writing to you.  Hoping to share just a few of the little things that I have picked up as I have made this long journey.

There are so many songs that touch me, there are some that help me through little dilemmas, like "Circle the Drain" which talks about drug abuse and use.  How people make excuses and how people who care about us get hurt trying to save us from them. I am again thankful that these songs are out there and help me to deal with my issues.  I have passed on the lyrics of "Circle the Drain" to my ex because he is still struggling with his addiction, these words are how I feel.  I don't want to watch him circle the drain.  "I want to be his lover, but I don't have the power to rewrite his addiction" only he can change and defeat the monkey that is on his back.

But how do these songs help me you might wonder?  I will tell you that something inside of me identifies with a particular song, and the artist and before I know it I am researching the lyrics to the song and memorizing them.  Once I read the words and I sit back I begin to see the correlation between what the artist is sending out and what has been going on in my life. What I can tell you is that I amazed as the lyrics and the beat perfectly resonate within me.  I begin looking back at myself, my decisions and then it all seems to click inside of me.  I am not sure if everyone is like me.  But music, prayer, meditation, and writing are my key to keeping and maintaining a positive outlook and motivation in my life.  With having 6 terminal illnesses and doctors constantly telling me that the future doesn't seem to bright and that there might not be a lot of time left for me to wrap up my business, it would be rather easy for me to fall into a state of depression and fill my days with crying and self-pity.  But you see that would not get me anywhere and I would waste what time I have left and I am not ready for that.  Maybe there will come a time for me to wallow in self-pity and despair but I don't believe it will be anytime soon.

What I would like to leave you with is the song that I am listening to now.  It is Katy Perry's Firework...this is what I hope and pray each and everyone of you realize.  This is a song of hope and rebirth, it talks about inner strength, it talks about having faith and knowing that you can start over, you are not a failure and that you have inner worth and outer worth as well.  I hope this song touches you as much as it touched me.

Firework by Katy Perry

"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams
But no one seems to hear a thing?

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down down down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed 
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
And it's always been inside of you, you, you 
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby your a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go " oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the Sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em in awe awe awe "

Please listen to the song and read over the lyrics and let me know what you think.  I value your opinion and want to hear your feedback. Tell me your story and if this song fits you. If you don't have the song or cannot find it get at me and I will send it to you or post it where you can listen to it.

All my hopes,

Uncle B