Since I am in a mood that has lasted a little over a week now, and I have expressed it in several different ways trying to clear it totally from my system, it dawned on me that I have been talking a great deal about life. But, there are some things about life that aren't always easy to pin down, they are unexpected and therefore cause us to re-evaluate our positions. The thing that I learned about life is that yes it is a journey, it is comprised of decisions, and the consequences of those decisions, it is also about choices and the options that we choose as well. I have often told you that we are molded and are an accumulation of those same things, but we have also in our discussions in the past expanded that mold to include our experiences, relationships and environment. Now with all of that being said we need to talk about the experiences, the relationships that also include our friendships, and the environment in which all of this takes place. Oh, and I cannot forget our own built in filters, these are our earlier developmental experiences which we use to focus and color our experiences, it is also the key to our perception of things.
See in life our perception of things are what differentiate us from others, it is the filters that we employ to deal with the issues and circumstances we find ourselves in. It is also why two people can live the same experience and be in the same situation, yet have totally different recollections of the event. I know we talked about this in an earlier blog entry but something is telling me that it needs to be addressed again and maybe explained a little differently. Life doesn't break down into nice neat little packages, it comes on strong and fast, it is reckless and chaotic, full of disorder and did I mention that it isn't black and white but technocolor? See life is messy and full of challenges, it throws hurtles at us, and gives us a variety of options when we are confronted with a problem. Most of us never learn to change our perspective and we tackle each problem exactly the same way. Herein lies the problem, if we never change our perspective, which means trying to look at a problem or situation from every possible angle, we aren't actually seeing or comprehending all the possible solutions to that issue or problem. Life is colorful, full of excitement and passion, it hardly ever is just plain black and white. There are always variations of color somewhere in the mix.
A problem that I have been hearing a great deal about recently is about how people aren't acting in ways that are expected. An example of this is a friend of mine in Ft. Lauderdale has a boyfriend who was recently incarcerated for possession of Meth. Now, in Florida like Georgia this is a serious crime and they have a tendency to throw the book at offenders. My friend was in the hospital the night his boyfriend was arrested. As a matter of fact he had been admitted and had been in there for 3 days by the time the unfortunate event took place. It took my friend a day or two of scrounging and searching before he could come up with a way to bond out his boyfriend. But in the long run he found a bondsman that was willing to take the bond and accept the amount that my friend was able to raise which was 10 percent of the bond. Now mind you I was being driven crazy because I was on the phone with my friend constantly through this whole ordeal, and when the boyfriend was released from jail on bond, my friend waited and waited for him to come home. Well guess what he didn't and three days later my friend still hadn't heard anything from him. Then around 9 pm last night the doorbell rang, my friend was so excited because he thought for sure that his boyfriend had finally made it home. But guess what it was a friend of his boyfriend's come by to collect his wallet. Of course my friend was devastated and angry. He of course had every right to be, and didn't surrender the wallet. But he did give the guy the bond paper that showed who had actually bonded him out.
The long and the short of it I was called and told what had happened. I counselled my friend to curb his anger and divorce his feelings from the situation because he didn't know the whole story and only had speculation at this point as to what was going on in his boyfriends mind. I warned that if he didn't separate his feelings from this situation he would act out of emotion and make the wrong decision, and once that was done the relationship might be forever damaged and couldn't be repaired. I am glad that my advice was taken because at 3 in the morning the boyfriend finally made it home and they began to talk and a new side of the story was revealed. Now the reason why I am telling you this is because not everything is black and white. It isn't always simple cut and dry, there are variations and other players that might be involved in any situation. You cannot go half-cocked into a fight because you need to have all the facts in order to mount a successful offense or defense which ever the case maybe. See, life isn't easy, there is always more to a story then we know, and it is our place to try and get as much of the information together before we react. Sometimes this means that we have to put ourselves in another persons shoes so to speak and try and picture the issue or situation from their view point. I would also recommend that you try to look at it from every possible angle, because there is still more options available, if we just shift our perception a little bit and come at it from a totally different direction. Sometimes that means looking at it from a different persons perspective, or it could me divorcing our emotions and feelings from the subject. Or we try to look at it from an outsiders point of view. Whatever the scenario there are always multiple ways to look at each situation that we encounter. By accomplishing this portion you have removed your filters somewhat and have tried to picture the situation from every possible angle. But remember our filters are ingrained from childhood and cannot totally be separated from us. It is just a plain fact.
Next we need to look at the environment in which we find ourselves during the said event or issue, because that is going to play into all of this as well. Location, who is with us, what we were in the process of doing, all of these things go into the creation of the environment. This is also where we find the obstacles or hurtles that life has thrown in our path. The same scenario above would have played out much differently if it had happened in Atlanta where my friend and I have a lot more friends and a larger support network besides just the two of us. See, if we had been in Atlanta and our network of friends would have been involved there would have been hundreds of different inputs thrown into the mix and much more color added. By color I guess I am talking about drama, other peoples opinions and suggestions. Environment is not only location, but what we are doing and who we are with and who we include into the situation. It also includes their advice, opinions and unfortunately their emotional input to the situation as well. Thus, as you can see adding more color to a not so black and white world. Can you now begin to see how the environment plays a part in the situation and crisis at hand? I think you can.
Let's talk about our friends and relationships a little bit more here, because as I have told you before we are creatures of habit, unfortunately we are each have patterns that are discernible if one knows how to look for them. These patterns are the routines, habits and the way we react to stress and crisis situations. Rarely if ever do we break from these patterns, because they are ingrained into us just like our filters are. As a matter of fact I think the patterns and filters are created exactly the same way. See our patterns and filters are how we see and react to situations as they occur in our life. They are what we are taught by our parents and built on by the events and circumstances of growing up. Trust me when I say that they are very closely tied to one another. Our reactions to situation are because of the way we see them and compare them to events of our past. Which is why if broken down you will find that they are the accumulation of the events and situations you have lived through from childhood to adulthood. We have to learn how to not only shift our perception or change our filtering, we also have to change our reaction to situations which means changing or breaking the pattern. I believe that this is accomplished mainly by divorcing ourselves emotionally from the situation which then allows us to come at the same situation through logic and understanding. In other words we use our brains and think about it, the whole situation and circumstances before making any type of choice or decision. This also means finding out all the facts and all the variables and players and as much information we can get on the the situation. You also have to take into account that as humans we are very quick to make snap judgments. We have a tendency to expect people to react and act to any given situation exactly the way we would. Guess what that rarely if ever happens. Because see they were raised differently from you, their filters and patterns are no way going to be anywhere like yours. Further, we don't know their side of the story, we only know what we have seen, experience and been told. If we rush our judgment and expect them to react as we would then we are truly going to be disappointed. Because like all judgments they rarely are accurate or correct.
What I am trying to say to you is this no two people are going to react or do the same things in the same situation, each one of them is going to do what they always do, they normally react the way they have been programmed and we can't expect them to even see the situation in the same light as we do. Let me try and explain this to you a little further, see when you meet someone for the first time you build an image of them in your mind, you populate that image with what you honestly think that person is like. We judge them so to speak and we expect them to be that image, when they fail to live up to it or react differently than we have thought they should we are disappointed, the image is shattered and we have to start from scratch. The reason why I am tell you this is because we all do it. We all create these images in our minds of the person we think they are, and until we actually get to really know them, they honestly can't possibly live up to those images because we have based them on our own information (filters and patterns). As we get to know them better, and we finally begin to see behind that mask that they are wearing we can then start to piece together their patterns and we can then predict with fair accuracy how they are going to react in situations. See each of us has a mask that we wear, it is our public persona, it shields us from hurt and I think it is who we really would like to be. You can check out my earlier entry on masks, it is why a person seems to change as we get to know them. But, honestly I think it is only part of the reason why a person seems to change the more we get to know them.
Think back and be honest with yourself. When we meet someone new during that first meeting we get an initial impression of the person, and then we embellish it and we create our mental image of that person, the more we hang out with that person, the more we get to know them the more they shift from that image we have made of them, we also begin to see the person behind the mask, those two things combined is why a person appears to change from the person we first me. In relationships we call that the honeymoon period. It is the length of time we start discover the persons true self and start peering behind the mask that they have been wearing. Now of course the same thing happens for them, they begin to glimpse and see the real you, and they two have to re-evaluate their mental image of you, because trust me it is very rare we ever get that image right the first time around unless it truly is real love.
So you might be asking yourself at this point where is he going with all of this? What is the point in telling us all of this stuff? The point is this my friend, life is more than a series of decisions and choices, it is more than just the relationships and friendships it is alive, it is vibrant and it is something that cannot be pictured in just black and white. Not everyone is going to handle a situation the same way you do. Nor are they going to react to stress and drama, roadblocks and issues the same way you will. You can't expect them too. Finally the last point that I want to bring out is that we never truly know or understand the minds of other people. So how can we expect them to think and react exactly like we would. Because like I have pointed out over and over again no two of us are alike or can be alike because our filters, environments, experiences, friendships, networks and everything else are totally different. So again, my advice to you is don't be quick to judge anyone. Get to know the whole story and situation before you react. Don't expect someone to react the same way you would. They aren't you and they don't think like you.
Also, besides all of this you have to take in the maturity level of the person. Not their age, because each of us develops and matures at different paces. you cannot think that just because someone is 40 years old that they should act a certain way. Age usually has very little to do with maturity level. Along with maturity comes wisdom, so keep that in mind as well.
What I want you to actually take away from this is that life is not a pretty picture that can be broken down into cut and dry pieces nor is it always black and white. People act and react differently to situations and circumstances and there are reasons why they do. How can you get past these, by divorcing your emotions and feelings from each and every situation and coming at it with pure logic. Thus stripping your filters and shifting your perspective so that you can see the situation from every possible angle.
There is one little tidbit that I neglected to share with you and that is simply this, in a relationship two people will grow closer to one another and over the years they will begin to see things alike. The longer they are together the more their filters and perceptions change and they become one. So if you have a couple that have been together for 50 years the chances are that they know each other so well they can predict and know how the other is going to react. Now with that being said, it doesn't happen overnight and it takes years and years for it to happen...and actually I think it may also occur with long standing friendships as well. Whenever you really get to know someone and spend years of time with them you are going to know how they are going to react. Just wanted to throw that in there to confuse this just a little more..because like I said nothing in life is cut and dry, black or white...there is always a splash of color thrown in somewhere and there is always an exception to the rules.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label experiences. Show all posts
Monday, October 8, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Pobody's Nerfect! You know what I mean?
I was thinking about this the other day, how we are all so hard on ourselves, how we judge others, and how we react to things that just simply don't go the way we think they should. I think a great deal of this goes back to our expectations, and the perspective at which we choose to look at things. Now, I know we have talked about both of these subject before so I am only going to touch on them again cursory I don't want to feel like I am preaching to you or trying to shove my opinion down your throat. Because believe me we get enough of people trying to force their opinions on us all the time and the last thing you need is to read something that is forcibly trying to get you to think my way.
Now with that being said, the topics that I discuss seem to come to me at the time when someone who reads my blog needs them. I guess that is the way things go in the world. Because as they say "the Lord works in mysterious ways". So let me take one minute to shout out to those of you that have taken the time to write to me to tell me thank you that the topics have really touched you. I really appreciate your comments and feedback as well as the words of encouragement that you so kindly have extended to me. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't sit here and do this everyday. But since there is a need that I am meeting I think I will continue to offer this service for as long as I can.
So on with the show so to speak. I want everyone of you to remember that there is none of us, me included that is perfect in anyway. Heck if we were we wouldn't be in the situations that we constantly find ourselves in. The secret to understanding this is that as long as you can remember that you aren't perfect then just maybe you can remember that the person trying to help you isn't perfect either. That everyone, yourself included has things going on in your life that you don't let others know, and sometimes those events or circumstances overlap into your work life. No matter how you try to separate your professional world from your home world they sometimes overlap and there is very little that you can do to keep that from happening. However, when those days are upon you, try to change your focus just a little bit, put a smile on your face, because believe it or not that will carry over into your voice and your manner when your are talking to other people.
Always give the another person the benefit of the doubt, you cannot know what they are going through or have been going through because you are not in their situation. So be patient and understanding in how you deal with situations. The old adage remains true today as it did yesterday, "You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar". Which is just another way of saying treat everyone the way you would like to be treated. I know that at times when your emotions are high, it is really easy to forget these things and blow up at someone. It is never easy to deal with things when you are upset. Sometimes it might be best to just walk away from the situation till you can address it in a calm friendly manner. I know I am fond of telling you that you need to divorce your emotions from tense situations, and I know that at times it is extremely hard to do. But if you do approach each situation from an analytical standpoint, I believe you will be able to handle the situation more efficiently and take out the personal aspects from your arguments.
I know that you have heard the term "walk a mile in someone else's shoes and see if you can do the same thing that they are doing." Well, guess what here is my take on that, it is virtually impossible for you to walk a mile in anyone's shoes, because they are not going to fit your feet, you are going to either have your toes pinched and be extremely uncomfortable or you are going to get blisters on your heels, because trust me their shoes aren't going to fit, no matter how much you try to ram your feet into them. By me saying this, I mean, my situation and your situation are always going to be different, you don't have the same kind of training I have or the experience, and I don't have yours, so my situation is always going to be a little different from yours. You are definitely going to handle each situation you are presented with according to your skills and training where I am going to apply my own. Plus, you filter and process information totally different from me. You know why? Because we were raised totally differently, we have different experiences that color our past and give us our character. Now, with all of this being said, I believe that if we approach each person, situation and event that we find ourselves in, from a logical standpoint, and leave the emotions out of it, we can intellectually understand and sympathize with the other person and make allowances for their behavior. Now again, I don't expect you to forget when someone is extremely unprofessional and rude to you, but I want you to understand that there truly might be extenuating circumstances that you are totally unaware of. When you start thinking like that you will cut them some slack and give them some allowances for their behavior. However, despite what someone else is going through they have the responsibility to act professionally at all times when on the job, so I would call them out on their behavior and make them aware of how they made me feel. I would do it in a not threatening way, because I for one don't like confrontation of any kind, but I would give them the opportunity to know that I am not amused with their attitude and behavior to me. I have divorced my feelings from the situation so I haven't taken to heart what they have said to me personally, but I maintain my own professional decorum and let them know. Just me.
Now, onward and upward as they say. If you keep in mind that Nobody is Perfect, and that our mission in life is to try and seek out perfection one day at a time you might begin to see that you start actually thinking about things in a more positive way. This is what I call a Positive Mental Attitude, I admit in myself that I know I am not perfect every morning, but that I am going to go out and find or seek perfection this day. I am not going to be thinking about tomorrow, only today and that is my key to staying so positive. I don't let the cares and worries of tomorrow interfere, with how I am doing and feeling today, because I know that tomorrow is going to take care of itself when it gets here and that I have enough on my plate for today, that I don't have enough time to worry about anything more.
I also want to extend this type of thinking toward ourselves and those that interact with us, because my blog deals with inner reflection, the journey of self and the overcoming of our own personal issues. I try to make this blog understandable to everyone, I don't want to talk down to anyone. I want the stuff I write about to be easily read and comprehended by everyone, because believe it or not, I have lived through all of this and I am taking what I write about from my own personal experiences. So with me re-iterating that lets move on to personal interactions and relationships. Because here is where I find that we are always trying to find perfection. But, as I sit here I can tell you that no relationship, friendship or interaction is going to be perfect. Because just like we are flawed so are those we have around us. I find that I tend to gravitate toward those that are just as hurt and broken as I am. I seem to find comfort in the companionship found in that group, and I also find that I can relate to their problems and concerns more easily. The difference is that I care about what they are going through and I am always eager to lend a shoulder for them to lean on or cry on which ever they need, and my ears are always open to listen to their problems. Because I find that when I am listening to other peoples concerns and problems that I have some real advice that I can help them out with, and also it takes my mind off of my own problems for a short amount of time. I also find that sometimes when I am helping them and listening to them, the answers to my own problems seem to pop right up and it makes it easier for me to try and cope with whatever I have going on at the time.
One thing that I have tended to notice when we are seeking potential mates we try to find someone that on some subconscious level reminds us of our father, or the father-figure we have had in our life. When that happens we end up with the same problems and issues that we find with our own parents but on a more personal level. I love the movie called "Straight Talk" which stars Dolly Parton and James Woods. In the movie Dolly tells James Woods that the problem he has with his choice in women was that even though they all look different and are in different packages that they are all the same on the inside, "Corn Flakes". This is a problem that afflicts most of us, the point that Dolly was trying to make is that we go for the same type of personalities, even though the person looks different on the outside, the inside remains the same. It is an apt metaphor and one that we can all learn from. Because no matter what if we don't change our own inner perspective, and look past the outside of another person we are going to continually be involved with the same personality type. We should know from past experiences that we don't socially get along with that type of person so we need to make the appropriate changes and look outside of our comfort zones.
Now, I want you to realize that this entry focus's on the idea that "Nobody is Perfect" or as I like to say "Pobody is Nerfect". By that I mean everybody, ourselves included in that. So, as with anything else if we aren't perfect how can we expect someone else to be. For that matter, if we ourselves are flawed beings, doesn't it stand to reason that our relationships with others are going to be just as flawed as we are? Yes it does! The secret to all of this can be found in my journal entry on relationships "What it takes to make any type of relationship work". But in a nutshell you need to accept the person for who they are, the good, the bad and the indifferent. I know that sounds like something your mother would say, and something that is really hard to do in practice. But here is the thing with that, you need to keep an open mind, you must be willing to change and be adaptable. Being set in your ways, being overly opinionated and nitpicky will not get you anywhere in your relationship. Further, if there is something that bothers you about that person, you might want to try to work through it internally, and if you can't then move on, because if you try to get the person to change the habit or issue, which they may or may not be willing to do is going to cause problems in the long run.
I do understand that as a relationship grows and matures that each person makes sacrifices and subtle changes to accommodate their partner, however these are usually subconscious choices. If someone changes their whole life for you, leaves their friends and family behind because they want to be with you, and you continually push and drive them you are going to find yourself alone at the end because you have succeeded in pushing them away. They begin to feel resentful thinking that everything they do for you is never good enough, and that you constantly want more and more, that you are never satisfied with anything. Guess what they would be right on all of those things. You have set your standards and expectations so high that no one could possibly live up to them. Adjust and refocus if they are really the person you are wanting to spend your life with. Keep your drive and focus geared and set on your professional life and work especially hard not to let it interfere with your home life. It is okay to be driven, unsatisfied and continue to want more in your professional life, that is called climbing the ladder seeking advancement, and it shows your employer that you are dedicated and ambitious, hungry and willing to do what is necessary to achieve the next level, but your partner isn't going to look at it the same way. Do not get caught up doing that to your partner, I had to find out the hard way, and it turns into a game to see who can outdo the other and in the long run, both of you get hurt, there is no winner and the relationship is going to be filled with regret, bitterness, resentments and unresolved anger.
It is important to recognize how you are handling your personal relationships, and act accordingly to ensure that the love that you feel is genuinely conveyed to your partner. Strive to keep your home life and work life separated and while you might be ambitious and want growth, you can do it effectively if you include your partner and work together to achieve that next level as one. Ambition and motivation are great for the workplace, but in the home life, you want to make sure that it is inclusive and mutually beneficial to both of you or your relationship is going to suffer. Always remember that your not perfect and neither is anyone else, and that the only way we can truly be happy is if we find it within ourselves, and when you do, it will carry over into everything you do. Be content with what you have and happy with the things you have and you will see that your relationship will flourish and so will your professional life.
I want to leave you with my personal quote that is at the top of my resume: "All things are possible in this world if you only strive for perfection, one day at a time" - BrzII
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Now with that being said, the topics that I discuss seem to come to me at the time when someone who reads my blog needs them. I guess that is the way things go in the world. Because as they say "the Lord works in mysterious ways". So let me take one minute to shout out to those of you that have taken the time to write to me to tell me thank you that the topics have really touched you. I really appreciate your comments and feedback as well as the words of encouragement that you so kindly have extended to me. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't sit here and do this everyday. But since there is a need that I am meeting I think I will continue to offer this service for as long as I can.
So on with the show so to speak. I want everyone of you to remember that there is none of us, me included that is perfect in anyway. Heck if we were we wouldn't be in the situations that we constantly find ourselves in. The secret to understanding this is that as long as you can remember that you aren't perfect then just maybe you can remember that the person trying to help you isn't perfect either. That everyone, yourself included has things going on in your life that you don't let others know, and sometimes those events or circumstances overlap into your work life. No matter how you try to separate your professional world from your home world they sometimes overlap and there is very little that you can do to keep that from happening. However, when those days are upon you, try to change your focus just a little bit, put a smile on your face, because believe it or not that will carry over into your voice and your manner when your are talking to other people.
Always give the another person the benefit of the doubt, you cannot know what they are going through or have been going through because you are not in their situation. So be patient and understanding in how you deal with situations. The old adage remains true today as it did yesterday, "You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar". Which is just another way of saying treat everyone the way you would like to be treated. I know that at times when your emotions are high, it is really easy to forget these things and blow up at someone. It is never easy to deal with things when you are upset. Sometimes it might be best to just walk away from the situation till you can address it in a calm friendly manner. I know I am fond of telling you that you need to divorce your emotions from tense situations, and I know that at times it is extremely hard to do. But if you do approach each situation from an analytical standpoint, I believe you will be able to handle the situation more efficiently and take out the personal aspects from your arguments.
I know that you have heard the term "walk a mile in someone else's shoes and see if you can do the same thing that they are doing." Well, guess what here is my take on that, it is virtually impossible for you to walk a mile in anyone's shoes, because they are not going to fit your feet, you are going to either have your toes pinched and be extremely uncomfortable or you are going to get blisters on your heels, because trust me their shoes aren't going to fit, no matter how much you try to ram your feet into them. By me saying this, I mean, my situation and your situation are always going to be different, you don't have the same kind of training I have or the experience, and I don't have yours, so my situation is always going to be a little different from yours. You are definitely going to handle each situation you are presented with according to your skills and training where I am going to apply my own. Plus, you filter and process information totally different from me. You know why? Because we were raised totally differently, we have different experiences that color our past and give us our character. Now, with all of this being said, I believe that if we approach each person, situation and event that we find ourselves in, from a logical standpoint, and leave the emotions out of it, we can intellectually understand and sympathize with the other person and make allowances for their behavior. Now again, I don't expect you to forget when someone is extremely unprofessional and rude to you, but I want you to understand that there truly might be extenuating circumstances that you are totally unaware of. When you start thinking like that you will cut them some slack and give them some allowances for their behavior. However, despite what someone else is going through they have the responsibility to act professionally at all times when on the job, so I would call them out on their behavior and make them aware of how they made me feel. I would do it in a not threatening way, because I for one don't like confrontation of any kind, but I would give them the opportunity to know that I am not amused with their attitude and behavior to me. I have divorced my feelings from the situation so I haven't taken to heart what they have said to me personally, but I maintain my own professional decorum and let them know. Just me.
Now, onward and upward as they say. If you keep in mind that Nobody is Perfect, and that our mission in life is to try and seek out perfection one day at a time you might begin to see that you start actually thinking about things in a more positive way. This is what I call a Positive Mental Attitude, I admit in myself that I know I am not perfect every morning, but that I am going to go out and find or seek perfection this day. I am not going to be thinking about tomorrow, only today and that is my key to staying so positive. I don't let the cares and worries of tomorrow interfere, with how I am doing and feeling today, because I know that tomorrow is going to take care of itself when it gets here and that I have enough on my plate for today, that I don't have enough time to worry about anything more.
I also want to extend this type of thinking toward ourselves and those that interact with us, because my blog deals with inner reflection, the journey of self and the overcoming of our own personal issues. I try to make this blog understandable to everyone, I don't want to talk down to anyone. I want the stuff I write about to be easily read and comprehended by everyone, because believe it or not, I have lived through all of this and I am taking what I write about from my own personal experiences. So with me re-iterating that lets move on to personal interactions and relationships. Because here is where I find that we are always trying to find perfection. But, as I sit here I can tell you that no relationship, friendship or interaction is going to be perfect. Because just like we are flawed so are those we have around us. I find that I tend to gravitate toward those that are just as hurt and broken as I am. I seem to find comfort in the companionship found in that group, and I also find that I can relate to their problems and concerns more easily. The difference is that I care about what they are going through and I am always eager to lend a shoulder for them to lean on or cry on which ever they need, and my ears are always open to listen to their problems. Because I find that when I am listening to other peoples concerns and problems that I have some real advice that I can help them out with, and also it takes my mind off of my own problems for a short amount of time. I also find that sometimes when I am helping them and listening to them, the answers to my own problems seem to pop right up and it makes it easier for me to try and cope with whatever I have going on at the time.
One thing that I have tended to notice when we are seeking potential mates we try to find someone that on some subconscious level reminds us of our father, or the father-figure we have had in our life. When that happens we end up with the same problems and issues that we find with our own parents but on a more personal level. I love the movie called "Straight Talk" which stars Dolly Parton and James Woods. In the movie Dolly tells James Woods that the problem he has with his choice in women was that even though they all look different and are in different packages that they are all the same on the inside, "Corn Flakes". This is a problem that afflicts most of us, the point that Dolly was trying to make is that we go for the same type of personalities, even though the person looks different on the outside, the inside remains the same. It is an apt metaphor and one that we can all learn from. Because no matter what if we don't change our own inner perspective, and look past the outside of another person we are going to continually be involved with the same personality type. We should know from past experiences that we don't socially get along with that type of person so we need to make the appropriate changes and look outside of our comfort zones.
Now, I want you to realize that this entry focus's on the idea that "Nobody is Perfect" or as I like to say "Pobody is Nerfect". By that I mean everybody, ourselves included in that. So, as with anything else if we aren't perfect how can we expect someone else to be. For that matter, if we ourselves are flawed beings, doesn't it stand to reason that our relationships with others are going to be just as flawed as we are? Yes it does! The secret to all of this can be found in my journal entry on relationships "What it takes to make any type of relationship work". But in a nutshell you need to accept the person for who they are, the good, the bad and the indifferent. I know that sounds like something your mother would say, and something that is really hard to do in practice. But here is the thing with that, you need to keep an open mind, you must be willing to change and be adaptable. Being set in your ways, being overly opinionated and nitpicky will not get you anywhere in your relationship. Further, if there is something that bothers you about that person, you might want to try to work through it internally, and if you can't then move on, because if you try to get the person to change the habit or issue, which they may or may not be willing to do is going to cause problems in the long run.
I do understand that as a relationship grows and matures that each person makes sacrifices and subtle changes to accommodate their partner, however these are usually subconscious choices. If someone changes their whole life for you, leaves their friends and family behind because they want to be with you, and you continually push and drive them you are going to find yourself alone at the end because you have succeeded in pushing them away. They begin to feel resentful thinking that everything they do for you is never good enough, and that you constantly want more and more, that you are never satisfied with anything. Guess what they would be right on all of those things. You have set your standards and expectations so high that no one could possibly live up to them. Adjust and refocus if they are really the person you are wanting to spend your life with. Keep your drive and focus geared and set on your professional life and work especially hard not to let it interfere with your home life. It is okay to be driven, unsatisfied and continue to want more in your professional life, that is called climbing the ladder seeking advancement, and it shows your employer that you are dedicated and ambitious, hungry and willing to do what is necessary to achieve the next level, but your partner isn't going to look at it the same way. Do not get caught up doing that to your partner, I had to find out the hard way, and it turns into a game to see who can outdo the other and in the long run, both of you get hurt, there is no winner and the relationship is going to be filled with regret, bitterness, resentments and unresolved anger.
It is important to recognize how you are handling your personal relationships, and act accordingly to ensure that the love that you feel is genuinely conveyed to your partner. Strive to keep your home life and work life separated and while you might be ambitious and want growth, you can do it effectively if you include your partner and work together to achieve that next level as one. Ambition and motivation are great for the workplace, but in the home life, you want to make sure that it is inclusive and mutually beneficial to both of you or your relationship is going to suffer. Always remember that your not perfect and neither is anyone else, and that the only way we can truly be happy is if we find it within ourselves, and when you do, it will carry over into everything you do. Be content with what you have and happy with the things you have and you will see that your relationship will flourish and so will your professional life.
I want to leave you with my personal quote that is at the top of my resume: "All things are possible in this world if you only strive for perfection, one day at a time" - BrzII
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Saturday, May 12, 2012
What is Grounding and how can it help you?
This is the second entry on embarking on the path toward spiritual enlightenment and personal growth, with the aim to helping you fulfill your goals, dreams and desires. The first entry was about Creative Visualization and if you haven't had a chance to read it, not to worry, you can and will still benefit from reading this one. This entry is on Grounding and how it can benefit you in your daily life.
Even if you do not embrace spiritualism or visualization, grounding will still benefit and enrich every aspect of your daily life. Let's begin! First, you might ask yourself, "what does he mean when he says grounding? Does that have something to do with the ground?" Simply, yes it does! Grounding is the act of putting something in or applying it to the ground. Now, according to Websters Pocket Dictionary ground is defined as: "the surface of the earth; soil, sand, and other natural materials at or near the earth's surface; the connecting of electric current to the earth through a conductor." In some ways we are going to deal with both parts of the mentioned definition. In Spiritual and metaphysical terms when we speak of grounding,we are speaking of grounding out the negative energy, stress, pain or other harmful emotions from our bodies and mind and sending it into the ground or earth.
In a limited way our body does this automatically when we rest. However, have you ever had a really bad day where everything went wrong and nothing you tried to do was accomplished ever went right, you were so stressed out that you wanted to cry or scream; your head felt like it was going to explode and the least little thing caused you to snap and lash out at everyone around you? Of course you have! We all have been there and done that or been on the receiving side of the equation. On days like this you probably ended up with a headache, heartburn, acid indigestion, felt anger and when you tried to relax and rest, your mind probably was racing and so full of thoughts that it was impossible. Then being wiped out and totally exhausted you try to climb into bed and get some sleep, but you end up tossing and turning, you mind is going a million miles a minute and sleep is long in coming and when you finally do succumb to sleep it is light and fitful and when you wake you are still exhausted and feel spent, and it is a new day, uggh, so what are you to do...you really can't go back to bed things have to get done and you are the only one who can do them.
This is where learning and utilizing grounding comes in. By using grounding you can flush all of the stress, harmful emotions, restlessness, anger and can calm your mind and achieve that so sought after rest and respite from the world around you. You will be able to finally get to sleep at night getting the rest your body needs and will wake up feeling renewed and refreshed. It isn't as hard as you might think and like I said earlier it is something that our body does in a limited fashion all on its own. So when you learn how to ground properly it will become second nature and almost automatic.
Grounding is a natural phenomenon and follows the laws of nature and physical science. Current (energy) in nature flows from positive to negative following the path of least resistance to reach ground. This is an immutable fact and can be demonstrated in the following example using a electricity, a cord, a lamp with switch and a light bulb. Electricity is the energy or current that we are going to apply to the cord to the lamp, when the switch is thrown, a circuit is completed and the current flows through the wire up the lamp through the bulb across the filament where light is created by the heat of the current flowing through the resistance of the filament as it rushes back down the lamp through the cord seeking ground.
In terms of spiritual grounding or the ground of ourselves, the mind is the switch, the body is the conductor and ground is the ground. But what of the energy where does it come from, it is an external force or pressure, it can be stress, and it definitely comes from everything around us, the world at large. It impacts us and hits us all day everyday and if we don't ground completely and thoroughly it will cause problems. You can think of the outside energy force as stress, grief, turmoil, pain or any other strong emotion that you and your body are subjected to throughout your day. Just a little bit ago I explained to you the law which energy follows that it flows from negative to positive following the path of least resistance always seeking ground. The earth being a big solid mass it can absorb and dissipate immense quantities of energy and is our natural ground. You must bear in mind that energy is subject to all physical laws include that of relativity which simply states that energy can be created, manipulated, changed but it cannot be destroyed. Energy therefore always seeks to ground and yearns to be dissipated otherwise it goes on and on for ever and always.
Therefore, unless we ground it out of our body, we begin to fill up with negative energy and negativity because energy flow from negative to positive always seeking ground if it cannot reach ground because we are not open then it has to build up, just like with our switch it doesn't light until the switch is thrown and the circuit is completed and the energy is able to pass through the bulb and return to ground. This negative energy builds up within our body and is harmful and throws us into imbalance, which can lead to illness, depression and other ailments that could possibly be avoided. It does even further than this, it also reacts with our own inner energy field and an electrical current that travels through our central nervous system. As the energy of the outside interacts with our internal energy field something unique occurs, the energy begins to transcend the laws of nature and physic and starts acting in contrary ways. The reason why this happens is our inner energy field is spiritual energy or life-force, it interacts with our brain and other planes of existence it is also a perfect and closed circuit constantly flowing through our bodies and allowing us to function, with the interaction with the outside energy a conversion takes place between both energies, resulting in spiritual energy. Now in our physical reality opposites attract, negative attracts positive, and that is how the current or energy is transferred, when the energy converts from physical to spiritual energy within our bodies that law no longer applies because in the spiritual realm likes attract and opposites repel, the total flip of our natural law. Now, can you see what is happening our bodies are becoming loaded down with negative energy and as the conversion is taking place, we are drawing more negative into our lives. This is the reason why grounding for us becomes so important. We want to shunt that negative energy or negativity into the ground or the earth and get it out of our body and our mind.
When we are filled with the negative, more negative comes, our inner energy field begins to get corrupted and our body is unable to defend itself properly, we become overwhelmed and burdened and then physical problems begin to manifest themselves through illness, depression, bad moods, and the cycle becomes cyclical because our bodies are a complete circuit and we keep recycling that negative energy through our entire body. This in turn begins to draw even more negativity into our lives which then begins to change our environment, leaking into our interactions and dealings with others. Every thing around us begins to suffer just as our body suffers, you will begin to see everything withering, fleeing or dying just because it is near us. Now I am talking about everything, friends, health, relationships, our luck, wealth, everything. Negativity is something that can and will destroy us from the inside out. Like I explained it becomes cyclical, meaning it goes around and around never changing unless we ground it out. As the negative continues to build we open ourselves up to depression and a myriad of other illnesses both physical and mental that can and will keep us stationary and prevent us from moving forward or backward for that matter, we get stuck in a rut and cannot break free. It becomes so easy for us to fall into despair and surrender to our lot in life and become accepting of all the rotten things that befall us. We get used to it and we wallow in it.
But I am here to tell you that there is a way through this, there is a way to regain the balance in your life, to lift the veil of despair and depression and fight back and that is use and live with grounding. Grounding is a way for us to rid ourselves of this negative and replace it with positive. It allows us to become healthier and gives our mind and body the opportunity to rest and heal and recuperate more efficiently. In the next entry I will start explaining the techniques for ground in a way that will be easy for you to follow. Thus allowing you to be healthier, happier, it will open you up to being receptive of love, wealth, and the blessings you truly deserve.
So, What is Grounding and what can it do for you? It is the shunting of the negative energy that your body is continually accumulating and making it go to ground. What it will do for you? It will make you feel better, give you more energy and strength, allow you to pull more positive energy into your life to replace the negative and when you are constantly operating in the positive, you will be open to a whole new world. Opportunities will come, stress will be reduced, you will be able to sleep more soundly and your body will get the rest it needs and will be able to heal and repair itself more efficiently; your mind will be quieter, clearer, and able to focus better.
So please join me for the next entry as we go through the techniques to accomplish this. As always, I welcome your feedback and your comments, I am here for you and will answer any questions you might have. Write to me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or bryanzepp@gmail.com. If you enjoy what you have read please follow my blog , become a follower please. I am trying to build up my audience and I want you to be a part of my community.
All my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Even if you do not embrace spiritualism or visualization, grounding will still benefit and enrich every aspect of your daily life. Let's begin! First, you might ask yourself, "what does he mean when he says grounding? Does that have something to do with the ground?" Simply, yes it does! Grounding is the act of putting something in or applying it to the ground. Now, according to Websters Pocket Dictionary ground is defined as: "the surface of the earth; soil, sand, and other natural materials at or near the earth's surface; the connecting of electric current to the earth through a conductor." In some ways we are going to deal with both parts of the mentioned definition. In Spiritual and metaphysical terms when we speak of grounding,we are speaking of grounding out the negative energy, stress, pain or other harmful emotions from our bodies and mind and sending it into the ground or earth.
In a limited way our body does this automatically when we rest. However, have you ever had a really bad day where everything went wrong and nothing you tried to do was accomplished ever went right, you were so stressed out that you wanted to cry or scream; your head felt like it was going to explode and the least little thing caused you to snap and lash out at everyone around you? Of course you have! We all have been there and done that or been on the receiving side of the equation. On days like this you probably ended up with a headache, heartburn, acid indigestion, felt anger and when you tried to relax and rest, your mind probably was racing and so full of thoughts that it was impossible. Then being wiped out and totally exhausted you try to climb into bed and get some sleep, but you end up tossing and turning, you mind is going a million miles a minute and sleep is long in coming and when you finally do succumb to sleep it is light and fitful and when you wake you are still exhausted and feel spent, and it is a new day, uggh, so what are you to do...you really can't go back to bed things have to get done and you are the only one who can do them.
This is where learning and utilizing grounding comes in. By using grounding you can flush all of the stress, harmful emotions, restlessness, anger and can calm your mind and achieve that so sought after rest and respite from the world around you. You will be able to finally get to sleep at night getting the rest your body needs and will wake up feeling renewed and refreshed. It isn't as hard as you might think and like I said earlier it is something that our body does in a limited fashion all on its own. So when you learn how to ground properly it will become second nature and almost automatic.
Grounding is a natural phenomenon and follows the laws of nature and physical science. Current (energy) in nature flows from positive to negative following the path of least resistance to reach ground. This is an immutable fact and can be demonstrated in the following example using a electricity, a cord, a lamp with switch and a light bulb. Electricity is the energy or current that we are going to apply to the cord to the lamp, when the switch is thrown, a circuit is completed and the current flows through the wire up the lamp through the bulb across the filament where light is created by the heat of the current flowing through the resistance of the filament as it rushes back down the lamp through the cord seeking ground.
In terms of spiritual grounding or the ground of ourselves, the mind is the switch, the body is the conductor and ground is the ground. But what of the energy where does it come from, it is an external force or pressure, it can be stress, and it definitely comes from everything around us, the world at large. It impacts us and hits us all day everyday and if we don't ground completely and thoroughly it will cause problems. You can think of the outside energy force as stress, grief, turmoil, pain or any other strong emotion that you and your body are subjected to throughout your day. Just a little bit ago I explained to you the law which energy follows that it flows from negative to positive following the path of least resistance always seeking ground. The earth being a big solid mass it can absorb and dissipate immense quantities of energy and is our natural ground. You must bear in mind that energy is subject to all physical laws include that of relativity which simply states that energy can be created, manipulated, changed but it cannot be destroyed. Energy therefore always seeks to ground and yearns to be dissipated otherwise it goes on and on for ever and always.
Therefore, unless we ground it out of our body, we begin to fill up with negative energy and negativity because energy flow from negative to positive always seeking ground if it cannot reach ground because we are not open then it has to build up, just like with our switch it doesn't light until the switch is thrown and the circuit is completed and the energy is able to pass through the bulb and return to ground. This negative energy builds up within our body and is harmful and throws us into imbalance, which can lead to illness, depression and other ailments that could possibly be avoided. It does even further than this, it also reacts with our own inner energy field and an electrical current that travels through our central nervous system. As the energy of the outside interacts with our internal energy field something unique occurs, the energy begins to transcend the laws of nature and physic and starts acting in contrary ways. The reason why this happens is our inner energy field is spiritual energy or life-force, it interacts with our brain and other planes of existence it is also a perfect and closed circuit constantly flowing through our bodies and allowing us to function, with the interaction with the outside energy a conversion takes place between both energies, resulting in spiritual energy. Now in our physical reality opposites attract, negative attracts positive, and that is how the current or energy is transferred, when the energy converts from physical to spiritual energy within our bodies that law no longer applies because in the spiritual realm likes attract and opposites repel, the total flip of our natural law. Now, can you see what is happening our bodies are becoming loaded down with negative energy and as the conversion is taking place, we are drawing more negative into our lives. This is the reason why grounding for us becomes so important. We want to shunt that negative energy or negativity into the ground or the earth and get it out of our body and our mind.
When we are filled with the negative, more negative comes, our inner energy field begins to get corrupted and our body is unable to defend itself properly, we become overwhelmed and burdened and then physical problems begin to manifest themselves through illness, depression, bad moods, and the cycle becomes cyclical because our bodies are a complete circuit and we keep recycling that negative energy through our entire body. This in turn begins to draw even more negativity into our lives which then begins to change our environment, leaking into our interactions and dealings with others. Every thing around us begins to suffer just as our body suffers, you will begin to see everything withering, fleeing or dying just because it is near us. Now I am talking about everything, friends, health, relationships, our luck, wealth, everything. Negativity is something that can and will destroy us from the inside out. Like I explained it becomes cyclical, meaning it goes around and around never changing unless we ground it out. As the negative continues to build we open ourselves up to depression and a myriad of other illnesses both physical and mental that can and will keep us stationary and prevent us from moving forward or backward for that matter, we get stuck in a rut and cannot break free. It becomes so easy for us to fall into despair and surrender to our lot in life and become accepting of all the rotten things that befall us. We get used to it and we wallow in it.
But I am here to tell you that there is a way through this, there is a way to regain the balance in your life, to lift the veil of despair and depression and fight back and that is use and live with grounding. Grounding is a way for us to rid ourselves of this negative and replace it with positive. It allows us to become healthier and gives our mind and body the opportunity to rest and heal and recuperate more efficiently. In the next entry I will start explaining the techniques for ground in a way that will be easy for you to follow. Thus allowing you to be healthier, happier, it will open you up to being receptive of love, wealth, and the blessings you truly deserve.
So, What is Grounding and what can it do for you? It is the shunting of the negative energy that your body is continually accumulating and making it go to ground. What it will do for you? It will make you feel better, give you more energy and strength, allow you to pull more positive energy into your life to replace the negative and when you are constantly operating in the positive, you will be open to a whole new world. Opportunities will come, stress will be reduced, you will be able to sleep more soundly and your body will get the rest it needs and will be able to heal and repair itself more efficiently; your mind will be quieter, clearer, and able to focus better.
So please join me for the next entry as we go through the techniques to accomplish this. As always, I welcome your feedback and your comments, I am here for you and will answer any questions you might have. Write to me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bryan.zepp2 or bryanzepp@gmail.com. If you enjoy what you have read please follow my blog , become a follower please. I am trying to build up my audience and I want you to be a part of my community.
All my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Does Music Speak to You?
At times in your life does an artist or album reach out and grab you? Does the music speak to you in away that most of the songs on the album seem directed toward you or the situation that you are going through? Maybe I am just peculiar, but it seems that at every period of my life where there has been great change that there has been an artist and a particular album that they have released that has reached out and spoken directly to me. Every song on the album touches me and describes what I am feeling and going through at the time.
I have been asked over and over again how do I maintain such a positive attitude when I am going through so much, and I honestly think that the music that touches me helps me through these crisis times. These songs describe the whole situation that I am going through and the people around me. Then it is up to me, to take and process the songs and through inner reflection evaluate my situation and decide what I need to do to make a change. I am thankful for these artists that influence my life and give me their words of advice that speaks to me through their songs.
Having been a music writer in a previous incarnation of my life, I understand that most of these artists are writing from personal experiences and that is why the music is infused with so much energy and intensity. But what amazes me is that these artists have gone through or are going through something in their life that is so similar to what I am going through at the time that their music reaches out to me and grabs me.
I would like to give you some examples: I used to live in Atlanta, and I was with a person there for a long long time. We had 2 houses together, several companies, two dogs, two cars, a cat and a lot of mutual friends. Now, not trying to sound like I am pointing the finger at anyone but when the relationship ended it got into a very dirty state, both of us were trying to outdo the other and I believe we were trying to see how badly we could hurt one another. Now, that is not a healthy place to be, and a lot of damage was done and probably can never be healed properly. This is a very sad event to have happened because the other person was very caring and loving and didn't deserve any of this. However, like I said I am not placing blame here we were both at fault. However, while I was going through this situation, I was constantly seeking refuge in Hilary Duff's Dignity Album. Every single song on that album described the way I was feeling starting with the very first song on the album entitled "Stranger". The song actually talks about how she was living with a stranger and that when they were alone that she couldn't recognize him anymore and that there was no love left in his eyes. From that album I was able to process and address through the lyrics and singing of these songs the anger, hurt, disappointment and all the other emotions that go with ending of love and a relationship.
Another example would be Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album. I am actually listening to it now as I write this entry. This album has so many songs that are speaking to me and helping me deal with my current situation. What a lot of you do not know is that I have been diagnosed with a whole host of medical problems and that is on top of having my life fall out from under me when I was in Atlanta last year. I got sick again in October of 2011, had kidney stones, found out that I had end stage reneal failure and then on top of that I was evicted from my apartment and I lost everything I owned, I had two dogs that were taken from me and put to sleep, and my car was stolen, I ended up on the street and heavy into drugs till February. Now I have come home, I am rebuilding my life and getting my feet back under me. This album has given me the strength to move forward, to accept the fact that once again I am starting over. Songs like Katy Perry's
"Who am I living for?" give me the strength to know that I am marching down the right path that I was meant too. I know that if I wouldn't have taken the steps and made the decisions that I have had made during the winter in Atlanta I would be dead right now. But I am here and I am okay and I am writing to you. Hoping to share just a few of the little things that I have picked up as I have made this long journey.
There are so many songs that touch me, there are some that help me through little dilemmas, like "Circle the Drain" which talks about drug abuse and use. How people make excuses and how people who care about us get hurt trying to save us from them. I am again thankful that these songs are out there and help me to deal with my issues. I have passed on the lyrics of "Circle the Drain" to my ex because he is still struggling with his addiction, these words are how I feel. I don't want to watch him circle the drain. "I want to be his lover, but I don't have the power to rewrite his addiction" only he can change and defeat the monkey that is on his back.
But how do these songs help me you might wonder? I will tell you that something inside of me identifies with a particular song, and the artist and before I know it I am researching the lyrics to the song and memorizing them. Once I read the words and I sit back I begin to see the correlation between what the artist is sending out and what has been going on in my life. What I can tell you is that I amazed as the lyrics and the beat perfectly resonate within me. I begin looking back at myself, my decisions and then it all seems to click inside of me. I am not sure if everyone is like me. But music, prayer, meditation, and writing are my key to keeping and maintaining a positive outlook and motivation in my life. With having 6 terminal illnesses and doctors constantly telling me that the future doesn't seem to bright and that there might not be a lot of time left for me to wrap up my business, it would be rather easy for me to fall into a state of depression and fill my days with crying and self-pity. But you see that would not get me anywhere and I would waste what time I have left and I am not ready for that. Maybe there will come a time for me to wallow in self-pity and despair but I don't believe it will be anytime soon.
What I would like to leave you with is the song that I am listening to now. It is Katy Perry's Firework...this is what I hope and pray each and everyone of you realize. This is a song of hope and rebirth, it talks about inner strength, it talks about having faith and knowing that you can start over, you are not a failure and that you have inner worth and outer worth as well. I hope this song touches you as much as it touched me.
Firework by Katy Perry
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams
But no one seems to hear a thing?
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down down down
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
And it's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
'Cause baby your a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go " oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the Sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em in awe awe awe "
Please listen to the song and read over the lyrics and let me know what you think. I value your opinion and want to hear your feedback. Tell me your story and if this song fits you. If you don't have the song or cannot find it get at me and I will send it to you or post it where you can listen to it.
All my hopes,
Uncle B
I have been asked over and over again how do I maintain such a positive attitude when I am going through so much, and I honestly think that the music that touches me helps me through these crisis times. These songs describe the whole situation that I am going through and the people around me. Then it is up to me, to take and process the songs and through inner reflection evaluate my situation and decide what I need to do to make a change. I am thankful for these artists that influence my life and give me their words of advice that speaks to me through their songs.
Having been a music writer in a previous incarnation of my life, I understand that most of these artists are writing from personal experiences and that is why the music is infused with so much energy and intensity. But what amazes me is that these artists have gone through or are going through something in their life that is so similar to what I am going through at the time that their music reaches out to me and grabs me.
I would like to give you some examples: I used to live in Atlanta, and I was with a person there for a long long time. We had 2 houses together, several companies, two dogs, two cars, a cat and a lot of mutual friends. Now, not trying to sound like I am pointing the finger at anyone but when the relationship ended it got into a very dirty state, both of us were trying to outdo the other and I believe we were trying to see how badly we could hurt one another. Now, that is not a healthy place to be, and a lot of damage was done and probably can never be healed properly. This is a very sad event to have happened because the other person was very caring and loving and didn't deserve any of this. However, like I said I am not placing blame here we were both at fault. However, while I was going through this situation, I was constantly seeking refuge in Hilary Duff's Dignity Album. Every single song on that album described the way I was feeling starting with the very first song on the album entitled "Stranger". The song actually talks about how she was living with a stranger and that when they were alone that she couldn't recognize him anymore and that there was no love left in his eyes. From that album I was able to process and address through the lyrics and singing of these songs the anger, hurt, disappointment and all the other emotions that go with ending of love and a relationship.
Another example would be Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album. I am actually listening to it now as I write this entry. This album has so many songs that are speaking to me and helping me deal with my current situation. What a lot of you do not know is that I have been diagnosed with a whole host of medical problems and that is on top of having my life fall out from under me when I was in Atlanta last year. I got sick again in October of 2011, had kidney stones, found out that I had end stage reneal failure and then on top of that I was evicted from my apartment and I lost everything I owned, I had two dogs that were taken from me and put to sleep, and my car was stolen, I ended up on the street and heavy into drugs till February. Now I have come home, I am rebuilding my life and getting my feet back under me. This album has given me the strength to move forward, to accept the fact that once again I am starting over. Songs like Katy Perry's
"Who am I living for?" give me the strength to know that I am marching down the right path that I was meant too. I know that if I wouldn't have taken the steps and made the decisions that I have had made during the winter in Atlanta I would be dead right now. But I am here and I am okay and I am writing to you. Hoping to share just a few of the little things that I have picked up as I have made this long journey.
There are so many songs that touch me, there are some that help me through little dilemmas, like "Circle the Drain" which talks about drug abuse and use. How people make excuses and how people who care about us get hurt trying to save us from them. I am again thankful that these songs are out there and help me to deal with my issues. I have passed on the lyrics of "Circle the Drain" to my ex because he is still struggling with his addiction, these words are how I feel. I don't want to watch him circle the drain. "I want to be his lover, but I don't have the power to rewrite his addiction" only he can change and defeat the monkey that is on his back.
But how do these songs help me you might wonder? I will tell you that something inside of me identifies with a particular song, and the artist and before I know it I am researching the lyrics to the song and memorizing them. Once I read the words and I sit back I begin to see the correlation between what the artist is sending out and what has been going on in my life. What I can tell you is that I amazed as the lyrics and the beat perfectly resonate within me. I begin looking back at myself, my decisions and then it all seems to click inside of me. I am not sure if everyone is like me. But music, prayer, meditation, and writing are my key to keeping and maintaining a positive outlook and motivation in my life. With having 6 terminal illnesses and doctors constantly telling me that the future doesn't seem to bright and that there might not be a lot of time left for me to wrap up my business, it would be rather easy for me to fall into a state of depression and fill my days with crying and self-pity. But you see that would not get me anywhere and I would waste what time I have left and I am not ready for that. Maybe there will come a time for me to wallow in self-pity and despair but I don't believe it will be anytime soon.
What I would like to leave you with is the song that I am listening to now. It is Katy Perry's Firework...this is what I hope and pray each and everyone of you realize. This is a song of hope and rebirth, it talks about inner strength, it talks about having faith and knowing that you can start over, you are not a failure and that you have inner worth and outer worth as well. I hope this song touches you as much as it touched me.
Firework by Katy Perry
"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams
But no one seems to hear a thing?
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down down down
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
And it's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
'Cause baby your a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go " oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the Sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em in awe awe awe "
Please listen to the song and read over the lyrics and let me know what you think. I value your opinion and want to hear your feedback. Tell me your story and if this song fits you. If you don't have the song or cannot find it get at me and I will send it to you or post it where you can listen to it.
All my hopes,
Uncle B
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